1 00:00:01,416 --> 00:00:03,208 Previously onX-Men... 2 00:00:03,208 --> 00:00:05,000 Don't touch that dial! 3 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,708 And what, pray tell, are you X-Men going to give this 4 00:00:09,708 --> 00:00:12,500 mind-numbed bunch of couch potatoes 5 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,166 and the trillions watching at home? 6 00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:18,875 They want blood and guts and love and hate. 7 00:00:18,875 --> 00:00:21,875 They want entertainment! 8 00:00:21,875 --> 00:00:24,958 Violence and destruction are not forms of amusement. 9 00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:28,416 Trust me, they are. 10 00:00:28,416 --> 00:00:32,708 This, if you haven't been paying attention, is my dimension! 11 00:00:32,708 --> 00:00:37,583 Get with the program or get crushed! 12 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,625 [opening theme song] 13 00:01:13,083 --> 00:01:15,083 Red light. Red light! 14 00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:18,708 -I saw it! -Yeah, right. 15 00:01:19,375 --> 00:01:21,583 Why don't you pull in over there. 16 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,083 I'll just be a minute. 17 00:01:28,083 --> 00:01:31,625 Don't take all day! I'm just starting to get good. 18 00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:36,000 I always forget that clutch part. 19 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:40,583 Hey, watch out! 20 00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:44,083 Hello, sweetheart. I don't believe we've been introduced. 21 00:01:44,583 --> 00:01:45,708 Wow! 22 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:51,208 Uh-oh. Wolverine! Who ordered the fireworks? 23 00:01:54,416 --> 00:01:56,000 Where are we? 24 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,375 Why does this stuff always happen to me? 25 00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:12,416 -There! Take him! -They mean you! 26 00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:26,875 Nice try. But your luck just ran out. 27 00:02:27,458 --> 00:02:31,208 Spiral! The Master Programmer wants him brought back 28 00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:35,708 -alive. -He didn't specify in what condition. 29 00:02:35,708 --> 00:02:36,958 Stop! 30 00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:43,500 Jubilee, Princess of Pyrotechnics, commands you 31 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:46,958 -to release the human! -Ignore her. 32 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:50,125 -She's just a little girl. -A little girl? 33 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,333 We should probably go. 34 00:02:57,333 --> 00:03:02,208 If that rebel scum gets away, I'll cancel you, permanently! 35 00:03:06,458 --> 00:03:09,875 Warwolves! After the Lucky One! 36 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:16,708 Uh-oh. Jubilee! 37 00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:20,583 Longshot. 38 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,083 Come on! 39 00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:47,416 I think we're rid of them. 40 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,166 Whoa! Not good. 41 00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:17,458 Back off, metalhead! 42 00:04:19,958 --> 00:04:21,500 [grunting] 43 00:04:22,875 --> 00:04:26,416 Bad doggie! No biscuit. 44 00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:36,708 We got leash laws in this town, mutt. 45 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,750 Hey, Rover! Heel! 46 00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,125 That's no way to treat a lady. 47 00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:57,375 Cancel them. Cancel them all. 48 00:05:06,166 --> 00:05:09,833 Let's just finish it here. Just you and me, pal. 49 00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,458 These warriors were not anticipated. 50 00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:16,125 -Time to pull the plug. -Long broadcast Mojo! 51 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:21,291 This isn't over, Longshot! 52 00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:29,000 Are you OK, Jubilee? 53 00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:33,291 Longshot! What are you doing here, pretty boy? 54 00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:37,375 -Are you blind? He's on our side! -We don't know that. 55 00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:40,583 You've got about two seconds to tell me what's going on, blondie. 56 00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:44,750 I don't know. I can't remember anything. 57 00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:48,958 Come on, Jubilee. I'm taking your buddy here to the professor. 58 00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:51,000 We could use some answers. 59 00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:55,708 What do you mean he got away? Nitwits! Dim bulbs! 60 00:05:55,708 --> 00:06:00,250 He's still under contract! Do you realize what he's costing me? 61 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,166 As if I don't have enough to worry about. 62 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:10,416 Slave rebellion, workers who actually want to be paid, 63 00:06:10,416 --> 00:06:14,583 and my biggest star turned rebel! Ingrate! 64 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:19,250 After all I've done for his career! Who decided to let actors think? 65 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:23,583 If you want the little jerk so badly, why don't you go get him yourself? 66 00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:29,875 You presumptuous stack of armpits! 67 00:06:30,416 --> 00:06:34,708 Perhaps the sorceress has a point, my lardaceous liege. 68 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:42,500 An expedition to a primitive dimension like Earth's, 69 00:06:43,166 --> 00:06:47,458 home of the indomitable X-Men, if I'm not mistaken, 70 00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:52,291 -led by the great Mojo himself. -X-Men! 71 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:59,708 Domo! Domo! I've just had the most brilliant idea! 72 00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:04,291 I, Mojo, will lead the expedition myself! 73 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:08,083 Yeah! Think of it, think of it now! Longshot, my biggest star, 74 00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:13,625 the X-Men, a proven ratings hit, and me. It'll be huge! 75 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,291 When you are on screen, your bulbousity, 76 00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:20,500 the universe positively quivers. 77 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,625 We shall, however, need Spiral to cleave time and space? 78 00:07:25,625 --> 00:07:28,083 Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. 79 00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:38,625 Gog, where's Gog? Gog! Get your guys down to wardrobe! 80 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,083 Come on, come on, come on, we're burning daylight here! 81 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:44,708 Scramble a remote crew. We're going live! 82 00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:48,708 [Jubilee] And this is the rec room. 83 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:53,000 Sure, you don't want something to drink? It's no problem. 84 00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,875 What the sam hill is he doing here? 85 00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:58,125 Says he can't remember anything. 86 00:07:58,125 --> 00:08:00,875 -I don't trust him. -He saved your life! 87 00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,833 If you ask me, I think he's part of some Mojo-run set up. 88 00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:08,625 -What is your problem? -Who is our guest? 89 00:08:08,625 --> 00:08:11,208 -He's one of Mojo's cronies... -We saved him from a bunch... 90 00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,291 -Beast? -His name is Longshot. 91 00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:17,708 He was rescued earlier this evening by Logan and Jubilation 92 00:08:17,708 --> 00:08:20,000 from his erstwhile employer, Mojo. 93 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,000 I didn't want him wandering around loose, 94 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,291 till you could take a look inside his head. 95 00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:27,083 Are you blind? He's on our side! 96 00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:29,000 We don't know that. 97 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,083 Allowing me to scan his mind must be Longshot's decision. 98 00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:35,958 I suggest he take a moment to consider it. 99 00:08:38,833 --> 00:08:42,708 Come on, Longshot. Time to blow this joint. 100 00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:43,875 Don't go far. 101 00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,333 I'll keep an eye on him. 102 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,125 The gal's kind of sweet on him, in case you didn't notice. 103 00:08:49,125 --> 00:08:50,500 I noticed. 104 00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,166 I hate it when Wolverine treats me like a kid! 105 00:08:57,166 --> 00:09:01,083 I'm 15... 17 years old! 106 00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,875 I can look after myself! 107 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,833 You certainly looked after me back there. 108 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:07,083 You have great courage. 109 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:10,833 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 110 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:20,708 What's the name of this dump again? 111 00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:23,416 Earth, your magnificent abundance. 112 00:09:23,416 --> 00:09:27,458 Earth? As in dirt? That stinks. Who's afraid of dirt? No, no, no, no, no. 113 00:09:27,458 --> 00:09:31,208 We'll call it Danger World! Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, wait, wait. 114 00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:33,375 Terror World! Yeah! 115 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:37,083 Untold rating points will be mine! 116 00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:42,458 Action! Excitement! Not too much violence though! 117 00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:45,166 Yeah, we'll leave that for the news and the talk shows. 118 00:09:59,875 --> 00:10:04,583 His mind is barren, I think I can help. 119 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:09,250 -But it will take time. -I'm gonna go check on Jubilee. 120 00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:15,500 Huh? 121 00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:20,875 I don't remember this being here. 122 00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:29,750 I remember a great battle. 123 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:35,458 Mojo's genetically engineered slaves rebelled. 124 00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:39,000 I, his star attraction, was their leader. 125 00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:41,750 I was captured. 126 00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:49,208 Mojo erased my memories, planning to use me in his televised campaign 127 00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:51,166 to crush the rebels. 128 00:10:53,416 --> 00:10:57,625 My comrades rescued me. Spiral tried to send them all to oblivion. 129 00:11:01,708 --> 00:11:04,458 -And somehow I ended up here. -Fascinating. 130 00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:07,875 Something's wrong. Better get here pronto. 131 00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:13,458 What happened here? 132 00:11:13,458 --> 00:11:16,375 It appears that the local flora has somehow been mutated, 133 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:20,458 -drained of its life essence. -It's Mojo! He's here! 134 00:11:21,416 --> 00:11:23,166 I can smell him. 135 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:25,583 I fear that Mojo's continued presence in our dimension 136 00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:28,708 could have dire consequences for all life on Earth. 137 00:11:28,708 --> 00:11:31,083 I found something else! 138 00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,625 Jubilee's jacket! 139 00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:39,583 Nothing. I can't read any future for her. 140 00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:42,958 -You don't mean she's... -No, she's here somewhere! 141 00:11:42,958 --> 00:11:45,000 And we're gonna find her. 142 00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:50,583 So you see, it seems much has changed on Mojo World 143 00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:53,208 since our television debut. 144 00:11:53,208 --> 00:11:59,166 Longshot's an actor. Who says he ain't playing a part? 145 00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:02,208 -You'll have to trust me. -My trust is earned, bub. 146 00:12:02,208 --> 00:12:05,958 And if anything happens to Jubilee, it'll come out of your hide. 147 00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,958 Beast was right. This weird forest is growing. 148 00:12:08,958 --> 00:12:11,166 We gotta stop it before it gets to peoples' homes! 149 00:12:11,166 --> 00:12:16,708 Live from Terror World, it's the premiere and final edition 150 00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:21,166 of "Intergalactic Gladiators!" 151 00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:26,958 I, Mojo, programmer to the galaxy, present our contestants tonight. 152 00:12:26,958 --> 00:12:31,000 Back by popular demand, the X-Men! 153 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:36,000 Beast, the mind of a genius in the body of a big blue gorilla. 154 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,875 Rogue, whose luscious lips, no man may kiss! 155 00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:43,500 Wolverine, whose adamantium bones 156 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:46,833 can't protect him from a broken heart. 157 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:50,166 Tonight's special guest star, in his final appearance anywhere, 158 00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:55,166 lover, rebel, movie star, your heartthrob and mine, 159 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,375 Longshot! 160 00:13:00,458 --> 00:13:02,458 Their opponents, the gladiators 161 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:05,833 will hunt the X-Men through the untamed wilds of Terror World, 162 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:08,416 -in the match-up of the millennium. -Fascinating. 163 00:13:08,416 --> 00:13:10,875 The first to reach our lovely studio, 164 00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:14,333 filled with cash and fabulous prizes is the winner. 165 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:18,333 And the bait, excuse me, the grand prize, a dream date 166 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:22,208 with teen heartthrob, Jubilee! 167 00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:25,000 Somebody please get me out of here! 168 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,125 What do we need this little brat for? She's nothing but trouble. 169 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:32,375 Passion! Drama! Ratings! 170 00:13:32,375 --> 00:13:35,250 The other actors must be given the proper motivation. 171 00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:38,583 Besides, I've got just the spinoff for it! 172 00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:46,000 Run! 173 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,875 Reckon I'll take a little short cut. 174 00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:54,583 Oh, sorry, sugar. Air travel is provided by Mojo and only the Mojo! 175 00:13:56,708 --> 00:14:00,583 Make no mistake! These two teams are here to play! 176 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:10,250 I appreciate the lift. 177 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,833 If you three can draw him off, I can get to that arena quicker alone. 178 00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:16,458 One of us should accompany you. 179 00:14:16,458 --> 00:14:19,250 I believe the phrase is, "To watch your back." 180 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,875 I'll go with Wolverine. 181 00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:22,875 -In a pig's eye, you... -Listen to me. 182 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:25,875 I know how Mojo works, and I know the equipment. 183 00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:29,708 I got Jubilee into this. I'm the only one who can get her out. 184 00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:32,375 Move! 185 00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:36,708 This ought to get their attention. 186 00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:42,125 This way. 187 00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:48,375 Hey, hey, hey, hunters! I want to see some serious carnage 188 00:14:48,375 --> 00:14:50,708 or you guys are going home in a shoebox! 189 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:54,125 Can I handle actors or what? 190 00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:55,875 We should stay in the tree line. 191 00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,208 Now what? 192 00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:06,875 -A big purple lizard? -Trust me, the kids will love it! 193 00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,708 Hey, stomper! 194 00:15:25,416 --> 00:15:26,875 Dang! 195 00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:29,333 I sense possible sanctuary in those cliffs. 196 00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:37,625 Hold it! We're being followed. 197 00:15:37,625 --> 00:15:40,416 You go on ahead. I'll double back. 198 00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,833 [laughing] Wolverine. 199 00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:51,875 Quark, who do you want to be? The guy who bumped off an Earther, 200 00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:54,458 or the man who defeated Longshot? 201 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:56,083 Good point! 202 00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:08,583 He'll be out for a while. 203 00:16:08,583 --> 00:16:11,375 -Are you OK? -I heal fast. 204 00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:28,708 Shoot them! Somebody shoot them! 205 00:16:32,875 --> 00:16:34,458 Cancel them! 206 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:42,375 No! No! This is horrible! All this chaos! All this destruction! 207 00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:45,333 And not a single camera in sight! 208 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:51,083 All cameras to the arena, pronto! Yesterday! Move it! 209 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:54,875 It appears we're no longer the star attraction. 210 00:16:59,958 --> 00:17:01,500 Come on! 211 00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:09,375 Sorry, boys. Closed set. 212 00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:14,458 -Out of our way, Spiral. -Don't you dare tell me what to do! 213 00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:17,833 -What got her so worked up? -We used to date. 214 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,166 I'll handle her. You get Jubilee. 215 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,458 Looking for this? 216 00:17:31,625 --> 00:17:35,875 Gog, cancel this little mophead! 217 00:17:35,875 --> 00:17:38,583 This will look great on my resume! 218 00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:43,875 So, Lucky One, it seems your luck has finally run out. 219 00:17:43,875 --> 00:17:45,375 Bombs away! 220 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:55,750 You all right, hon? 221 00:17:57,708 --> 00:17:59,708 Remember me, bright-eyes? 222 00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:04,208 My remote! 223 00:18:08,958 --> 00:18:12,750 -Jubilee! Are you all right? -I am now. 224 00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:14,708 Thank you. 225 00:18:15,583 --> 00:18:18,416 My... my ratings! 226 00:18:18,416 --> 00:18:23,166 I'm risking embarrassment and possible physical pain! 227 00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:25,833 And there are no ratings? Spiral! 228 00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:31,458 -Spiral, dear, get me out of here! -Take a number! 229 00:18:35,708 --> 00:18:39,500 You! This is all your fault, you little toad! 230 00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,333 Well, you haven't won yet! 231 00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:46,875 'Cause the show ain't over till the fat man stings! 232 00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:52,875 -That's all, folks! -No! 233 00:18:58,458 --> 00:19:01,583 Fooled you! Really had you going there, didn't I? 234 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:03,375 OK, joke's over. 235 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:07,958 We can all go home now. No hard feelings, eh, buddy? 236 00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:15,166 -Nice. -Nah, just lucky. 237 00:19:15,875 --> 00:19:20,125 Gog! Spiral! Get this freak off of me! 238 00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:34,083 I want a rematch, mutant. Pay-per-view, of course. 239 00:19:34,083 --> 00:19:38,333 Fifty percent of all intergalactic merchandise and syndication revenue. 240 00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:40,708 Have I earned that trust yet? 241 00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:44,583 You're close. Go on. You just got time for a quick goodbye. 242 00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:48,291 -Thanks. Jubilee, I... -I know. 243 00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:53,125 You have to go. You have a rebellion to lead and people you care about. 244 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:56,500 I'll never forget you, Jubilee. Thank you. 245 00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:07,708 Come on, kid. Let's head home. 246 00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:17,125 [closing theme song playing] 247 00:20:17,125 --> 00:20:18,875 It is the Spire! 248 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:23,125 The Phalanx will use it to summon the rest of my people! 249 00:20:23,125 --> 00:20:26,083 To add this planet to the Phalanx empire! 250 00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:32,208 It is Self's fault. Self never should have come here. 251 00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:36,583 Now Selfriends Beast, Forge, 252 00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:40,208 your world is doomed!