Since the dawn of man, the vampires have walked among us, killing, feeding.
The only one with the strength or skill to stop their heinous evil is the Slayer...
... she who bears the birthmark, the mark of the coven.
Trained by the Watcher, one slayer dies and the next is chosen.
And I shall be his sword.
Let Satan tremble.
The Slayer is born.
(# "Keep It Comin' (Dance Till You Can't Dance No More)" by C & C Music Factory)
OK, people. They're psyching you out. Let's not be so defensive out there.
What do we say on the court? Repeat after me. "I am a person. I have a right to the ball."
Good. Now, here's our key play. We're gonna... Are we the Xs or the Os?
- We're the Os. - Oh. Oh, right. OK.
(cheering)
Mr Howard is so heinous.
He's always giving me a hard time.
I get a C plus on the test, and he tells me "You have no sense of history."
I have no sense of history? He wears a brown tie.
You got a C plus? I can't believe I cheated off of you.
Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador.
Like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.
Oh, wow. Look at thatjacket.
Oh, this is so lush.
- Wouldn't you guys just love me in this? - Guys, what's the sitch? I'm bored.
- What do you think? - Please. It's so five minutes ago.
- Yeah! - Oh.
What are we doing?
- Why don't we go see a movie? - Where?
- Omniplex? - Nee sitch. No way.
- No THX. - They don't even have Dolby.
- Sorry. - Beverly Center.
- They show previews for foreign movies. - Oh, yeah.
- AMC? - (both) Bogus corn.
Totally stale. And the ushers are, like, the acne patrol. Totally.
OK. OK. How about... We're thinking Pavilion? Sitch solved?
- Sounds toasty. - Excellent. What's playing there?
I don't know. Does it matter?
- Excuse much. Rude or anything? - Nice ensemble.
What a homeless.
Is Jeffrey really spending the night at your house?
- That's the plan. - Ooh! What a sitch.
- Your parents are always away. You're lucky. - Hey.
- I guess. - Mine don't. I'll die a virgin.
You guys shut up, please.
It could happen.
God, what a 'tude.
- Boo. - Aargh.
It's the Loch Ness monster!
God, take a chill lozenge.
- Like we don't have rights too. - Yeah.
Ignore them, OK? Ignore them.
Oh, no, no. I can't believe these people. We paid good money to see this.
- No, we didn't. - Oh, yeah.
Look at the street. They're all lining up for me because I am the champ!
- Whoo! - Look at the moon, man. It's a huge moon.
Guys, tonight we gotta go out and party.
If you spent more time sleeping, you'd spend less time on the court sucking.
You were a bonehead out there yesterday.
Anyway, I'm booked. Gotta spend some quality time with the little lady.
- Pushover. You're such a pushover. - You guys are pathetic.
- I'm blowing. Andy, you coming? - I'll catch a ride with Jeffrey.
- Later. - Slam dunk.
Later.
Jeffrey, I don't wanna sound sexist or anything, but can I borrow her?
- Andy. - No way.
You'd get her dirty. He would, honey. He's an animal.
- See you at my house. - Don't look.
(sinister laughter)
(heavy breathing)
(growling)
Oh, man.
I'm not in the mood for this.
OK, whoever's behind me better be gone when I turn around.
(chuckling)
What are you? Are you some kind of weirdo or somethin'? Huh?
The cause of death was a neck wound that resembled...
... in the words of one bystander, "a really gross hickey".
In a related story, the body of the third slasher victim has disappeared from the morgue.
- There it is. - Have fun. Be good. Stay away from the Jag.
I know.
- That's everything. - Bye.
Kiss noise. Bye-bye, Bobby.
- Bye. - ... victim was found today, the fourth.
And Lulu just can't get pregnant.
- She thinks my name is Bobby? - It's possible she thinks my name's Bobby.
Real quality-timer, huh?
Mm.
Something like that.
Hey, it works for me.
I mean, if they wanna leave you alone in the house, all helpless and vulnerable...
The weather hasn't disappointed us. Constant sun and temperatures in the high 70s...
... have made every winter's day a beach day.
Oh, please. Show me a real slayer.
- Lothos. - Will you people ever learn?
We can't be stopped.
This is our world now.
Wow.
Sleep, my master, my own. Sleep.
I have already begun building you a new family.
Soon we will be legion. When you rise, we will claim this place as our own.
Rubies will drip from your lips.
Soon.
The environment. I tell you, it's totally key. The earth is in terrible shape. We could die.
- Sting's doing it. - I thought he was doing Indians.
- How about the homelesses? - Move.
Aren't there any sicknesses that aren't too depressing?
- Hi. - What you guys doin'?
- Senior dance. We need a theme. - It has to be a socially conscious theme.
One that reflects the students' growing awareness of...
...and involvement in the world around them.
(both) Downer.
I still say the environment. That's my suggestion.
- Yeah, me too. - Yes. It's gonna work.
What are the most immediate threats to the world environment right now?
Um... Litter?
- Litter, yeah. - Forest fires?
- Bugs? - Bugs, totally.
- Yeah. I hate bugs. - Yeah.
- Cassandra, write it down. - OK, guys.
- What do you think about the ozone layer? - (bell rings)
Yeah.
- Yeah. We gotta get rid of that. - First bell, people. Time marches on.
- What's your point? - Button it, Kramer.
Let's meet tonight, OK? Café Blasé?
- Cool. We can figure decorations and stuff. - Yeah.
I don't know, guys. I really wanna get a head start on my homework.
Oh, yeah. I love that one.
(# "Man Smart, Woman Smarter" by The Dream Warriors)
Buff, I don't see why we have to invite every single senior.
Because it's the senior dance. It's just a shot in the dark.
So? I mean, like, why do we have to invite Nadia? She's such a blemish.
I know, you're right. She is.
Hi.
- What? - I thought that look was over.
- Well, it's retro. - Yeah, retro.
You can borrow it sometime.
OK. Maybe I will. We were talking about the senior dance, if you're interested.
You guys, look who's coming.
- Ew! - Sick!
(giggling)
What does it look like?
Two coffees or a hot dog.
- Nothing on it and nothing on the side. - Losers.
- I'm Charlotte. I'll be your waitress. - Hi, Charlotte.
- Say something, Buffy. - You guys are thrashed.
- Just a little. - Are we?
That would explain the slurred speech.
Thanks. What's your name?
- Buffy. - Yeah, it figures.
I'm Pike.
This is Benny.
And I'm... Pike.
Pike isn't a name. It's a fish.
- Don't we know you guys? - Hey, wait a minute.
You're the guys from the movie.
We hate you guys.
Like we care, I'm sure.
Yeah. Boo-hoo.
You guys were very rude, OK? It was shocking.
- Well, you just snuck in anyway. - Yeah.
Hey, Buffy. You hungry? I got something for ya.
(shocked screams)
Oh, man. She wasted my dog.
(Pike) I'll have it runnin' in a week. All it needs is some brake pads.
Shocks and tyres. A new engine, maybe. It'll be totally cherry.
When you get that car together, let's bail. Get out of this town.
Those rich bitches are a plague. They gotta be stopped.
You didn't like 'em? Give me that.
I mean, they're all the same. They're just so stuck-up.
Pike, they're not even human. I hate 'em.
Yeah, but would you bone 'em?
Yes, definitely. Please, God.
Especially the blonde. I'd give my right eye for a piece of that.
She's not even human.
Yes, but her yabos scoff at gravity.
Man, you're disgusting. You don't even like her and you'd sleep with her. What is that?
I got news. Another shot of this and I'll have sex with you.
Oh, yeah. Then you'll never call me.
- I think I'm gonna ralph. - Hey, Benny, I'm here for you, man. I'm here.
I'm here for you, Ralph.
Oh, man.
(sinister laughter)
This is not a very safe place for you to fall asleep.
OK, Mom.
(Buffy) OK. Dribble, shoot, shoot.
Take that ball to the hoop, hoop.
- Right. Yeah. - It's cool. I like that.
- Bye. - Hey, you guys, I was thinking.
For the senior dance, what if we made a big sign that says "Don't Tread On Me"?
You know? And a picture of the earth?
How do you not tread on the earth? I mean, you kind of have to, right?
Oh.
- Yeah, I never thought of that. Yeah. - I gotta bail. You coming?
No, you guys blow. I'm waiting on Cassandra. She's gonna help me with my history. Wait.
I kinda loaned her Kimberly's yellow leatherjacket, so don't tell her, all right?
- OK. I won't. See ya. - Bye.
God! You scared me to death.
- Where the hell'd you come from? - That was very impressive. The tumbling.
What? Oh.
I used to do gymnastics. Are you looking for somebody?
I was looking for you, actually.
Why? Am I in trouble or something? Cos if I am, I didn't do it.
You're not in trouble, I am. I'm years late. You should have been taught.
But I wasn't certain until just now that it was you.
- What are you talking about? - I've searched everywhere for you, Buffy.
- Why? - To bring you your birthright.
My birthright? Is that, like, a trust fund or something?
I think it'll be easier for you to understand this birthright if I show it to you.
All right? So you come with me now to the graveyard.
Oh.
No, no, no, no.
My trust fund's in the graveyard?
God, what's your damage?
Buffy?
You're one of those skanky old men that attacks little girls, right? Well, forget you.
My name is Merrick, and you have been chosen, Buffy.
Chosen to go to the graveyard? Why don't you just take the first runner-up, OK?
Everything depends on you, Buffy. You must come to the graveyard while there's still time.
- Time to do what? - Time to stop the killing.
- To stop the vampires. - All right. Let me get this straight, OK?
You want me to go to the graveyard with you...
...because I'm the Chosen One and there are vampires?
Yes.
Does Elvis talk to you?
Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?
Spots? Yes, of course.
That's your proof. Spots.
You bear the mark. You bear the mark of the coven.
What? That big old hairy mole?
Ew. I had that thing removed.
You knowing about my big old mole doesn't prove anything...
...except for it's way past medication time for you, buddy.
- Why don't you just stay away from me? - Ever dream you were someone else?
- Everybody does. - Someone in the past.
Someone real. A Magyar peasant girl, perhaps.
An Indian princess?
A slave?
- I was a slave. - In Virginia.
I don't know. There was, like, this big farm or something.
There was this one where there were these knights, and I am a...
A servant girl. A barmaid.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. I never told anybody about this. There's one where there's this man.
I think he's a man. He's in my dreams sometimes.
I'm fighting him.
Always fighting him. But he's so strong.
His name is Lothos.
How do you know all this?
Because it is your birthright and I am a part of it.
You come with me to the graveyard, and I will show you.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man...
...hunting for vampires on a school night.
Ew.
Why did you never tell anyone about your dreams?
Right. Tell everybody I'm crazy. Beauty idea.
Ow.
- Cramps? - None of your business. God.
This is it. Robert Berman was killed three days ago.
His body was found in the bushes by the canal.
Extensive tissue damage.
Tearing at the neck and shoulders.
- Take these. - Wait a minute.
No, no. You won't have to do anything. They're just for your protection. Sit there.
I just need you to watch.
All right. What do we do now?
We wait for Robert Berman to wake up.
Do you have any gum?
No.
(sinister laughter)
(creaking)
(yells)
Buffy!
Behind you.
(# "I Fought the Law" by Mary's Danish)
(knocking)
Pike.
Ben?
Where you been, man? I tried to call your house, like, 50 times.
- I've been hanging. - You left me hanging. I almost did a Hendrix.
- Let me in. - This weird guy gave me a ride home.
I thought he was gonna hit on me.
Come on. Invite me in, Pike.
Wait a minute, man. What's wrong with you?
- I'm fine. - You look like shit, man.
Well, I feel pretty.
- You on somethin'? - No.
Let me in, Pike. I'm hungry.
- Go home, Ben. - I'm hungry.
You're floating. Come on, man. Get away from here.
I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry!
Now, Buffy, you go to school tomorrow and act normally.
Don't let anyone know you know what's happening. This is important.
Because once the vampires find out who you are, you won't be hunting them any more.
You understand? They mustn't know your name.
All right.
Meet me at this address tomorrow after school.
- I have cheerleading practice, OK? - Well, you're going to have to skip it.
They can't come in unless you invite them in, is that true?
- That's true. Mm-hm. - Good.
Do you know what time it is?
- Around ten? - I knew this thing was slow.
You pay a fortune for something... Honey, come on. We're gonna be late.
Wake up, sweetie. You'll be late for school.
Are we having a nightmare, Cassandra?
He knows you're awake. Your heartbeat sounds out to him like thunder.
Oh, my God.
(echoing laughter)
Who are you?
(sinister laughter)
- Oh, hi. Wow, you're late. - I'm gonna practise.
- Cool. See you out there. - OK. Bye.
Oh, God! What are you doing here? This is a naked place.
You were supposed to meet me an hour ago.
- I told you that I have practice. - And I told you to skip it.
Listen, I think there's been a big mistake, all right?
I appreciate there are real vampires and you're on this big holy mission...
...but obviously somebody read their tea leaves wrong, cos I'm not your girl.
And I don't think I'm up to it. And, just between you and me, neither do you.
It is true.
You have missed years of training.
- See? - And you are undisciplined.
- Frivolous. - Don't I know it?
Quite probably the most vacuous choice in my entire...
OK. OK, I think we both get the point.
Right. Well, I don't think there's anything more for us to say.
I guess not.
Good luck an' all.
Oh, yes.
There is... one thing.
- What? - This.
Bravo.
- You threw a knife at my head. - Yes. I had to show you.
But... you threw a knife at my head.
And you caught it. Only the Chosen One could have caught it.
Don't you get it? I don't want to be the Chosen One.
I don't wanna spend the rest of my life chasing after vampires.
All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater and die.
It may not sound too exciting to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell.
You come and tell me I'm in the hairy-mole club so you can throw things at me?
Buffy, it was necessary.
Last night you knew I was sitting on a fresh grave, didn't you?
Yes, because I had to make you aware of the implica...
Oh. Wow.
I never hit anybody before.
Really? Well, you did it perfectly.
I didn't even break a nail.
(# "I Ain't Gonna Eat Out My Heart Anymore" by The Divinyls)
# Yeah
- # Yeah - # I admit you got the biggest brown eyes
# And you know how to bite your lips and tantalise
# Sure
- # Yeah - # You can get any girl you want going
# How do you do it? And don't say you don't know cos you do
# Well, baby, I ain't gonna eat out my heart any more
# I ain't gonna eat out my heart any more
# I ain't gonna eat out my heart any more, so quit it
# I love you, I love you, I do, boy
# But you ain't gonna cheat on me
# I need you, I need you, I do, boy
# Chooses a tyranny
# Chooses it here on me
# Yeah
# Just cos I am saying, boy
# You still think the same about what I've been saying
# Yeah
# You'd better watch your step or, boy, you're gonna lose
# The best thing you ever had
# And I ain't gonna eat out my heart any more
# I ain't gonna eat out my heart any more
# I ain't gonna eat out my heart any more, so quit it
The heart. Remember?
So when do I meet this guy Lothos?
I don't know. When he comes to you in your dreams, what does he do to you?
How does he make you feel?
He, uh... he scares me.
Well, I think we can safely say that there's something going on with you, Buffy.
Now, there's nothing to be nervous about.
You're not in any kind of trouble.
Don't think of me as Gary Murray, administrator.
No. Think of me as Gary Murray, party guy. Happenin' dude who can talk to the young.
- So tell me, it's... - (fly buzzes)
It's drugs, isn't it? Hey, I know where you're coming from.
Believe me, I've had my drug experiences.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did a lot... well, some acid in the '60s.
- See, I was at a... - (fly buzzes)
I was at a Doobie Brothers concert.
And I could see the music flowing in. It was flowing into me.
It was bright red and electric. And I felt like I was a big toaster, you know.
And I thought "Well, maybe I am a toaster, and we're all molecules."
My friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon.
And that... Boy, that scared me! And...
And then I... I started to freak out.
You said you'd have the part by two o'clock. Christ, it's almost dark.
What nasty bug crawled up your bungus? Where the hell are you goin'?
I'm leavin', man. I'm bailin' town. This place has gotten way too hairy.
Where do I find a mechanic stupid enough to work for my money?
- Seen Benny lately? - No.
Hey. What, you want me to give him a message?
You should think about leaving too, man.
Sell this place. There's something going on here. I don't know, something real weird.
Hey, what do you want me to do if I see Benny?
Run.
Nice night for a walk.
God, it's cold.
Dark.
# Feelings
# Whoa, whoa, whoa, feelings
# Boy, I'm feeling really helpless
Oh, God.
Wait.
Hello?
Toaster-caked him.
It was a trap, get it? I led him in.
It was a blind alley. Get it? If there'd been any more of them, you would be dead by now.
You must never forget the cardinal rule, Buffy.
One vampire is a lot easier to kill than ten.
Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?
You felt sick, didn't you? You had cramps.
Nice conversationalist. Yeah, I felt them a little.
But I'm not due for a couple of weeks, since you're so hot on the subject.
No, of course you're not. It was a natural reaction on the part of a slayer.
A reaction to their unnaturalness.
And you're going to be able to use that to track them.
Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That's just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
It's not a weapon. It's an alert system.
Well, aren't we kung fu! I don't see you out there killing any vampires.
I play my part.
You can play with your part all you want, but it's my neck on the block.
I'm out there risking my life.
I'm risking my life and you're not doing anything.
I train girls to be slayers.
I have done so for a hundred lives and I shall continue to do so.
I am born each time with the knowledge that my purpose is to prepare the...
...Chosen One for her battle.
I am not a slayer, and I must not interfere, even if I want to.
Even if I think that this time the girl... is truly exceptional.
So...
What do you do? I mean, you just keep on living the same old life over and over?
- Yes. Yes, until... - What? Till there aren't any more vampires?
- Then what? - Then maybe I'll go to heaven.
Or maybe you'll just get ajob.
Oh, ajob. I would have been a wonderful boot-maker.
That is so dull. I'm going to be a buyer.
- Of what? - I don't know. It's just ajob I heard of.
Sounded pretty cool, you know.
Buying. Buyer. To buy. I like that.
- We should go to work. - Yeah.
Quick, before anybody has any fun.
Merrick, I'm not gonna croak that easily. I have something the other girls didn't have.
And what might that be, pray?
My keen fashion sense.
Vampires of the world, beware.
Merrick, you made ajoke.
That's good. Are you all right? Do you wanna lie down?
I know it hurts the first time.
It was a good joke.
Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Come on, be good.
Come on, come on, come on.
This is not my night.
Come on, baby. This is for the money. Make me proud. Come on.
(engine starts)
Yes. All right.
Ohhhh!
(# "Zap City" by The Cult)
Get off my car, dude.
Come on.
(car horn blares)
Give me a break.
You ruined my new jacket.
Kill him a lot.
Hi. Is that your van?
Yeah, why? Is there...
Interesting choice.
Last-minute decision. Sorry about your guitar.
Hey. You're that weird guy.
- Yeah. - You've been hurt?
Oh, no. You know what they say - anyone who can walk away from...
- You know this guy? - Well, somewhat.
He's rather fond of passing out just as I happen by.
- You doin' all right? You OK? - Yeah, I'm good.
I, you know, kinda miss my knees, though.
You want some water or anything?
- The kitchen's in here. - Nope. Got it covered.
So you do this a lot? I mean, is this like a hobby for you?
Not exactly.
They were vampires, weren't they?
- Yeah. - God! Vampires. Unbelievable.
You had a car full of stuff. Were you leaving?
Yeah, I was bailin'. I've got this friend, and he's really...
Well, he's really a vampire, I guess. It's not a good scene, it's a bad scene.
And tomorrow I'm on a bus. I'm outta here.
- Wow. Are you OK? - No, I'm fine.
- You sure? - It doesn't hurt.
I'm OK.
Who are you? I'm sorry, but you seemed like such a flake.
And I mean that in a good way, really. It's just...
Hey, I can keep talking until you strike me dead, or not. I prefer not.
- Things are kinda confusing. - I'll buy that.
Three weeks ago all I could think about was...
I didn't actually think about anything. I definitely didn't expect this.
You know what it's like when everything is suddenly different?
And everything you thought was crucial seems so stupid?
You find yourself... babbling incoherently to a strange man in your living room.
Are you... calling me a man?
Listen, I'm gonna go to bed.
If you want to stay, you can stay in the guest room.
No, I'll stay right here. Make sure the sun comes up and everything.
OK.
I know what it's like.
You fool. You left the others behind because of a little thing like this?
On their first kill?
He took my arm.
It's your own fault, you reckless imbecile.
The city of angels is ours for the taking.
But you... 1200 years old, you behave like a child.
I had him in my grasp.
Cheer up. You may still.
And do something about that arm. It looks horrible.
Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the crusades.
I'll be in my chamber...
...having a little snack.
They found Cassandra's body in the hills.
I know. It had been there for weeks, all icky.
- It's awful. - Uh-huh.
- She still had my jacket. - The yellow leather?
- You didn't get that back from her? - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- I loved thatjacket. - There's a memorial service. You goin'?
I don't know. Coach says I gotta work on my abs.
Oh, got to get some.
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
I'm sorry. I don't actually need any right now.
- Hey, what is it with you? - Don't grab me, OK?
Absolutely. I see now the error of my mistake.
Hey, keep your hand off my thang. I'll pop you one.
- Did he scare you? - I can take care of myself, all right?
So I noticed.
- Yo, Jeff. - It's nice to feel needed.
- Let's move out! - Yes!
I've missed three practices. If I'm not at the game tomorrow, everybody will talk.
It's just another distraction. It isn't right.
It isn't my fate? It isn't in the Book of All Knowledgefulness...
...that I'll be cheering at the game tomorrow? Lighten up, Merrick.
None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.
And where are they now? Hello?
If we all work together, together it'll all work out! Are you with me? Now, get out there!
All right. Score some, uh, points.
Hey. You missed practice again today. Sit down and think about how that made me feel.
Go, team, go.
(Buffy) Ready? OK.
(all chant) How funky is your chicken? How funky is your chicken?
How loose is your goose? Our goose is totally loose
So come on, all you Hog fans So come on, all you Hog fans
And shake your caboose And shake your caboose
(cheering and whistling)
(cheerleaders) Two, four, six, eight...
Murph, come on out. You're in. And remember, you're special.
Thanks. All right. Assert your personhood.
Actualise. Actualise.
(coach) More polite. More polite.
Stagger them with your politeness.
I'm open. Grueller?
I'm open!
- We can't have this. Get him out. - It is reprehensible. The points count, right?
- Get him out. - Yeah, OK.
Take it, man.
You go get him out.
Grueller's pretty much abandoned the concept of zones.
There's a girl on the court.
(Grueller yells)
- (Merrick) Buffy. - He knows who I am.
- Got a gear... - Hah!
Hey, Eric. Must be half-time.
Hey, babe. You wanna get some real power between your legs?
Yeah, I do.
Dyke! You're a dyke!
I'll tell the world!
(Buffy) Grueller! Grueller!
Come on!
Come on.
- Ha-ha. - Ow.
Someone get an ouchie?
Grueller, it's me. Remember me? Buffy. We used to hang. My birthday party?
You drank all the blueberry schnapps and louched on my mom?
- You were my friend. - Now I'm a god.
And now you're a coatrack.
Geek.
Whoa. Here we go.
Look. There.
- Hi. - Hi. What are you doing here?
What am I doing here? I'm saving your butt.
Well, there was sort of an exchange of butts. At least I didn't faint.
Pike, you shouldn't have come back.
What am I gonna do? Run? Where am I gonna go?
These guys are everywhere, and I wanna do some damage. I'm good with damage.
I'd better find Merrick.
I didn't expect to see you so soon.
I know that guy. That is a bad guy. Can we go, please?
Has our time finally come?
Have you ripened so fast?
Come closer.
Look at me.
Does anybody here have a problem with this but me?
Come into my eyes.
- Yes. - (Pike) Hey.
Hello? This is not a caring nurturer. He's a bloodsucking fiend from beyond the grave.
Will you be wagging thatjaw of yours while I'm biting it off?
Are you addressing I?
(Lothos) Who's ready to stop me?
It's not you, Merrick.
You finally brought me someone real. But is she ready?
Well, actually, she's quite a pain in the ass.
- What a pity. - (Pike) Your move, Merrick.
Come on, Lefty. Remember what happened the last time you messed with me?
- I remember. - Shit.
She's not ready for you, Lothos.
That's too bad. I had such high hopes.
Close your eyes.
No! Not this one.
Lothos.
Ashes to ashes.
Oh, look.
Look... what I've done.
Dust to dust.
- We're leaving. - We're not eating?
She's not ready.
God.
- Stay still. - I am still.
I'll get you some help.
You...
You do everything wrong.
Sorry. I take it back.
No.
Do it wrong.
Don't play our game.
Lothos is a... is a show.
Remember about the music.
Listen.
When the music stops, the rest is...
Merrick? Merrick?
Oh...
It really was mondo bizarro.
When she ran out onto the court, wasn't it the most out-of-it thing ever, or did I blink?
No. Way mental.
- Oh, hi, Buffy. - Hi, guys.
You were supposed to be here at three.
- Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I forgot. - Buffy, what is your sitch?
You're acting like a thing from another tax bracket. It's too weird.
Listen, a lot's been going on, guys, OK?
And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it.
See, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy...
Oh, my God. You're having an affair?
- Cool. - Does Jeffrey know?
It's not about that. He's, like, old. He's 50.
(all) Ew!
- Sick. - Gross.
Haven't you guys noticed what's been going on here? The strange things?
Haven't you noticed people disappearing? Turning up dead?
- What are you talking about? - Weird.
You mean, like, hanging out with that homeless, Poke?
Pike.
- Ew. You're having an affair with him? - He doesn't look 50.
Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.
- Thank you very much. - Yeah. Like you've got a grip.
You're out of it. Jennifer says you've blown off cheerleading and dance committee.
Excuse me for having something important to do.
And this isn't important? This happens to be the dance.
Right. It's a dance.
It's a stupid dance with a bunch of stupid people that I see every stupid day.
Like, now we're, like, stupid?
You know, Buffy, this doesn't happen to be just any dance.
It happens to be the last dance of our last year.
- Except for the semiformal. - Right.
- And the totally formal. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah. And the senior prom. - OK!
Buffy, if you wanna play house with the unwashed masses, that's fine.
But, personally, I think you should spend a little time prioritising.
- What language are you speaking? - Get out of my facial.
Well, I guess you got what you came for.
- Nic... - Later for it.
Jen?
Buff! Hey, Buff. What you been doing? I've been looking all over for you.
I'm going shopping. Don't try and stop me, OK?
Cool. I need Allen wrenches. What do you need?
- Dress. - For what?
- Dance. - Come again?
I'm going to the senior dance.
The second word sounds like "dance".
- I'm going to the dance. - For what?
In order to dance, drink punch, be with my friends, comprende?
No. The world is under attack by legions of the undead and you're going to a mixer?
It's a senior dance. It's important. You wouldn't understand.
No, I wouldn't. I thought you wanted to kill vampires.
I don't wanna kill anybody, OK? And I don't wanna talk about this any more.
- What about Merrick? Is that what he'd want? - Merrick's dead.
Cheap shot.
He's dead because of me. Because I couldn't lift a hand against Lothos.
I'm in way over my head.
Look, life's a bitch. I'll give you that. But, Buffy, you're the guy.
You are the chosen guy.
Right. I'm the Chosen One. And I choose to be shopping.
- Yeah, I should have known. - So leave me alone, all right?
Benny was right. You're all the same. I'm not disappointed, just angry.
Buffy?
- Buffy. - Lay out my suit.
We will be attending a dance.
Dance? Master, what are we waiting for?
The Slayer is unmasked. Let's finish it.
- We'll wait until Saturday. - Why?
Because I want to dance.
I am yours to command.
(# "Silent City" by Matthew Sweet)
# Taking you to the silent city
# Underneath the broken stones
# I was hoping for eternity
# Here among the dirt and bones
# Lovers hand in hand
# Enjoy your time together while you can
(# "Inner Mind" by Eon)
Nice outfit.
- This one doesn't have a mirror at home? - Sh!
- Have you seen Jeffrey? - If I say no, are you gonna hurt me?
- No. - No.
- Hi, guys. - Hi.
Have you seen Jeffrey? Cos the limo didn't show up, and I thought maybe he'd be here.
What?
- Jeffrey, there you are. - Buffy, what are you doing here?
I thought we were gonna come here together.
I'm here with Jenny.
- I don't get it. - Come on, Buffy. You know what's going on.
It's not working out at all.
I gotta move on. I got needs too.
- I told you about all this. - No, you didn't.
- Didn't you get my message? - You left me a message?
You weren't home. Like always.
- You broke up with my machine? - I'm outta here. Jenny.
Jenny! We're leaving!
(# "Little Heaven" by Toad the Wet Sprocket)
# Opened my eyes
# The fire had come
# Not for the end of days
# Not for the faithless ones
# Not for vision understood
# Burns because it has to burn
# Change'll happen whether we
# Are still or moving
# Breathe in waves of doubt
# Bitter in your mouth
# You will exhale cinnamon clouds
God. Pike.
I crashed your party.
- How shallow of you. - Yeah, well, I'm pretty shallow.
I'm glad you came.
You seemed to be having a swell time, Queen of the Cardboard Jungle.
Would I get my ass kicked if I asked you to dance?
Maybe.
# Turns me inside out
# And I will exhale a primal shout
You know, Buffy, you're not like other girls.
Yes, I am.
# I understand the fire will come
# Not for the strength of will
# Or passion of anyone
# Not for the end of days
# Not for the faithless ones
(# "Party with the Animals" by Ozzy Osbourne)
I can't believe it.
Is somebody kidding?
Oh, man. There were vampires out there, man.
Oh, my God!
OK. Nobody go near the door.
Party time!
Don't worry. They can't come in unless they're invited.
I already invited 'em.
They're seniors.
(vampire) Buffy!
You wanna dance?
We want her. We want Buffy. Send her out.
Or we'll come in.
Hey. I have detention slips here and I'm not afraid to use 'em.
We got a problem.
I got a bag full of solutions. What are we gonna do about it?
- You're staying here. - What?
If they come in here, it's gonna turn into a total stain.
Yeah, you say it like it's a bad thing.
It's a good thing one of us was prepared.
- I'm not gonna let you out there by yourself. - Don't piss me off.
Buffy!
Hey, Buff.
It's OK. I think they're going after her.
- Jeffrey. Wow. - (Buffy) That was quick.
Run, Buffy. Run.
Ew!
Look out, dude.
Hi. How's it going?
I'm fine. But you're obviously having a bad-hair day.
Funny.
(# "Light Comes out of Black" by Halford)
Or she could go for what's behind door number three.
This party sucks, man.
Come on, come on. Fight like a man.
Isn't it great, Pike? Isn't it great? Finally got those bitches on the run.
Honestly, I leave you alone for five minutes and look who you're hangin' out with.
It doesn't have to be that way. I could still change you.
Give me a break, Benny.
Why do you like these people? They're sheep.
Oh, forget them. Live for ever. We could start a band.
I'll get you, Buffy. And your little dog, too. I just don't know what he sees in you.
You don't really think you can stand up to him, do you?
Admit it, Buffy. Aren't there times when you just feel less than fresh?
You're pathetic.
You're not even fit to die for him.
We're immortal, Buffy.
We can do anything.
Oh, yeah? Clap.
(violin plays)
You're gonna wish you'd died.
Ooh. Ah.
Ow. Ooh.
Ooh. Ah. Ah.
Ah. Ooh.
Ugh. Ah.
Ah. Uh. Uh.
You know this is our night.
I do.
- It was good, wasn't it? - What?
Killing him. So intimate.
Your first real kill, and my last gift to him.
- Where is she? - She's meat for the beast.
The Master wants her. And Uncle Sam wants you.
- Things change, Ben. - What's up with that, Pike?
It's time to put away childish things.
(music stops)
Silence.
Look at me.
The rest is silence. That's it.
- What? - Merrick told me. I knew it all along.
The music stopped.
Look at me.
- It's too late. - You and I are one.
One what? Cute couple? I don't think so.
You and I... Look at me.
You and I are joined.
We're joined? Please!
You stupid little bitch!
How are you gonna stop me?
I am life beyond death.
And you are just like the other girls.
Maybe I'll surprise you.
This is your defence? Please!
- Your puny faith? - No.
My keen fashion sense.
Detention.
Detention, detention, detention.
Detention, detention. I think that's all of 'em. Nope! Detention, detention.
Hey, look. It's Buffy.
Buffy? No, no! Don't let her in. They'll kill us! Please keep her out!
Buffy. I didn't think I was gonna see you again. Are you all right?
Get out of my way. Find my friend Pike.
I'll have you beg.
Split open like rotted fruit, all of you.
That is definitely not a student.
You are my destiny.
I could never hurt you.
I'm gonna send you screaming to the pits of hell. Ha! Trust me!
I haven't finished with you, bitch.
I got him!
Well, I had him.
No, no, no, no.
Now I'm really pissed off.
Good!
Oops.
Pike?
Pike.
Oh, I used to be.
Sorry.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm all right. Are you OK?
I can't move my legs.
- Why? - Cos you're sitting on 'em.
OK, come on. I'll help you up.
(sirens approaching)
Did I do all of that?
No.
Did you do all of that?
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
I, uh...
I saved you a dance.
You gonna ask me?
- I suppose you wanna lead? - No.
Me neither.
This is a good thing.
(# "We Close Our Eyes" by Susanna Hoffs)
# We close our eyes
# We close our eyes and dream
# And the world has turned around again
# When everybody is running in the big race
# And having a good time
# Who am I to cast a shadow?
# Who am I?
# I looked death in the face last night...
... and laid siege, if you will, to the Hemery senior dance.
They had fangs, they were biting people.
They had this look in their eyes. Totally cold. Animal.
I think they were Young Republicans.
It was like a nightmare in there. Of course, I had to keep my head, but...
... l've been there, you know.
Yeah. I saw a lot of action in Nam.
Well, I saw "Platoon".
I'm very happy to accept this honour...
... and I will try very hard to fulfil my needs as your next Miss America.
I do think the students learned a valuable lesson about safety.
Except the dead ones, I mean, of course. Well, they learned it.
But they really didn't have time to implement it, you know, and...
Are we live?
Well, I felt something was wrong, so we really got outta there before...
I mean, I heard stuff. We were nearby. We heard...
I can't believe I let you do that to me.
Details are still sketchy as to exactly who is responsible.
Gang members? Cultists? Everyone seemed to see something different.
This is Liz Smith in Los Angeles.