[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
I was living in this duplex. For the first time, I was alone.
No dorm, no roommates, my own place. I was so happy.
I had my own parking space.
[DOG BARKS]
[YELPING AND BARKING]
Where I come from, they don't keep them in cages.
They keep them in bins, you know, so you can reach in and touch them.
LINDA: Hm.
Huh.
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
- Hello. - Need some help?
No, I... Well, yeah, thanks.
I'm from Spain.
- Really? Which part? - Galicia.
Oh.
I'm taking engineering at U of W. I like Seattle.
"U-Dub." That's what people call it here.
Finally, a local tells me some secrets.
[LAUGHS]
You really don't have to stay. This is gonna take some time.
Where else do I have to go?
In one week, I have to go back to Spain. My visa runs out.
U-Dub.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
LINDA: This is Linda Powell from the Seattle Environmental Council.
Okay, great. Thank you. Bye-bye.
MAN: Yes, that's right, there's another spill in Bellingham.
We gotta get somebody out there...
Ruth, how long have I been saying there are no guys?
Forever.
I met one. I met one when I was least expecting it.
You held out on me.
He's an engineering student from Spain.
His visa runs out in two days. He's...
Heh. He's like a comet. What do I do?
I wish you could stay.
If I overstay my visa, I can't come back for five years.
- Were you ever gonna come back? - Well, now I have a reason.
I want you to have this.
I wish I was better able to tell you what I am thinking.
But this is a symbol of our future.
I want to return in two months and see you again.
Wow.
I don't really have much to give you, but...
It's important to me.
Use this when you get back.
[BEEPS]
You'll always have a parking space.
[RINGS]
Hello.
LUIZ [OVER PHONE]: Don't wake up. I'm getting on the plane. I wanted to say bye.
- I'll see you soon. Goodbye, Linda. - Goodbye, honey. I miss you already.
[DIAL TONE]
Did you perform any other acts with him before he left?
It's amazing. We can't hide things in language. We speak in basics.
"Basics"?
If I married him, he could live here. I'd always have someone to go out with.
You're talking about marrying this guy?
I'm tired of all the games.
If you were married, would we still go out dancing?
- We will always go out dancing. - What?
We will always go out dancing!
[PEARL JAM'S "STATE OF LOVE AND TRUST" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
State of love and trust as I
Busted down the pretext
Sin still plays and preaches
But to have an empty court
Uh-huh
And I listen
For the voice inside my head
Nothing
I'll do this one myself
Yeah, yeah
SALESMAN: This is the Genie. Can't go wrong with this garage-door opener.
Here's the Liftrex and the Liftrex Super. Might be a little bit more opener than you need.
And, of course, the Linear pocket pager, beeper...
...garage-door-opener combo.
Give me the best one you have. I'll never lose it again.
I broke up with someone recently. Jennifer, my last girlfriend.
I did it in a crowded restaurant.
She just stared at me with that look: "How can you pass me up?"
I told her we weren't right, all the stuff we both knew.
I realized I was wrong, tried to get back with her. She won't see me.
Now she's with Tony.
Tony knows my friend Bailey, who's friends with Tony's other girl, Rita.
Rita, who I broke up with to go out with Jennifer.
So do I tell Jennifer I know Tony's going out with Rita...
...or do I tell Rita I know about Tony and Jennifer?
Tony will tell Jennifer I was going out with Rita when I was with her.
How does stuff get so complicated? I don't know.
Sometimes, I wish it was as simple as this postcard somebody sent me once.
Isn't that great?
[POWER TOOL WHIRRING]
[SIGHS]
I don't know. I think...
Cliff! I'm talking here, man.
[WHIRRING STOPS]
I think I'm back to the beginning.
My dad left home when I was 8. You know what he said to me?
"Have fun. Stay single."
I was 8.
My mom's a teacher. She took me to a doctor to learn about sex.
He was from Boston.
The father and the mother have finally learned to come together.
The father inserts his penis... Uh...
You do know what the penis is, don't you, Steve?
The father inserts the penis into the mother's vagina.
This is called intercourse, and what comes out is called sperm.
And then, the man keeps moving until something squirts out of his penis.
- What? - Yeah, what comes out?
- Spam! - Oh, man!
[CHUCKLES]
So maybe it was never simple. I'll tell you this...
...for the next three years, I'm going to concentrate on work.
Work is the only thing I have complete control over.
Work.
I gotta go.
I'm 23. Remember how old 23 seemed when you were little?
I thought people would be traveling in air locks and I'd have five kids.
Here I am, 23.
Things are, um... They're basically the same.
I think time's running out to do something bizarre.
Somewhere around 25, bizarre becomes immature.
I get so much inspiration from my boyfriend. He's a musician.
[PLAYS JIMI HENDRIX'S "HEY JOE"]
His band put out an independent album last month. He's a good artist too.
[CITIZEN DICK'S "TOUCH ME I'M DICK" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Yeah
Touch me I'm dick
He's like a Renaissance man.
I'm so glad he moved into my building.
[CITIZEN DICK PLAYING LOUD ROCK MUSIC]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
- Janet. What's the ordeal? JANET: Hey.
Your machine wasn't on, and I was supposed to see you Saturday, but...
So I just thought I'd come by and say hi.
- Hi. - Hey.
- So, um, how about this weekend? - This weekend we're really busy.
- We got that show, right? - Yeah, we got that show.
- We got these guys coming from L.A. - Great.
- It's gonna be rocking. WOMAN: Bye, Cliff.
- So come over after. - Deal.
Look, Janet, you know I see other people still, right?
You do know that, don't you?
You don't fool me.
Janet, I could not be fooling you less.
Cliff, you gotta move your truck, man.
I know what you're thinking. We made the connection.
And when you make the connection, chemistry takes care of itself.
I mean, it makes its own decisions, you know?
So sit back and enjoy it, because you know when it's real. This is real.
We just don't even have to discuss it.
Janet, you're spazzing off on me.
Hey, Cliff, while we're young.
[SIGHS]
So, um, I'll see you Saturday, and I'll help you with your speakers.
CLIFF: What can I say, man? She's crazy about me.
BAILEY: Check it out, my new Gortec watch.
I can store 20 numbers in this. Tonight, I'm gonna fill it.
All or nothing. No compromise. Tonight, I'll be the super me.
What if the super you meets the super her, and the super her rejects the super you?
- Then it's no problem. - Uh-huh. Why?
Because it was never you. It was just an act.
- I live my life like a French movie. - What?
Webster and 24th, it should be here.
Let's ask this clown where the club is.
Hey, man...
...where's De Soto?
I get it, you're a mime. Mime the address.
Well, give me a ride, and I'll show you.
- Where's De Soto? Our car broke down. - Yeah.
I'll tell you about love. Love disappears, baby.
Every time I've been broke, babe has been off like a prom dress.
- Maybe it's the girls you choose. - Hey!
Maybe I've been hurt, maybe I've been dogged!
- Anybody know where this place is? - Do I look like a Thomas Brothers Guide?
- You really shouldn't speak. - Yes.
- Where do you work? - I'm a maître d'.
- Department of Transportation. - He's working on the gridlock problem.
- Thank God. - I build airplanes.
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
[ALICE IN CHAINS PLAYING "IT AIN'T LIKE THAT"]
SINGER: Yeah!
[SINGING] Ooh
There I was
Laid out on a table
Screamin' sweat
And bare feet to the floor
In my life, I'd not soften
Things that cut and burn so often
But I sit, think of somethin'
Scared to face the dyin' nothin'
See the cycle I've waited for
It ain't like that anymore
- Hey. - Hello.
My friend and I have this argument, and here it is.
He says when you're at a place like this...
...you can't just be yourself, you have to have an act.
So anyway, I saw you standing there...
...so I thought, A, I could just leave you alone...
...B, I could come up with an act, or C, I could just be myself.
I chose C.
What do you think?
- I think that A, you have an act... - Uh-huh.
...and that B, not having an act is your act.
Thank you.
Smaller fish, so huge the ocean
Cliff, any comments on the Seattle sound and Citizen Dick's place in it?
I don't like to reduce us just as being part of the Seattle sound.
I think of us expanding more.
We're huge in Europe right now.
We've got records... A big record just broke in Belgium.
Into the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
A song like "Touch Me I'm Dick" is about what?
I think "Touch Me I'm Dick," in essence, speaks for itself.
I think, you know, that's basically what the song is about.
It's about, you know...
A lot of people might think it's actually about...
...my name is Dick, and you can touch me...
...but I think, you know, it can be seen either way.
STEVE: Hey, excuse me! Hello. - Hi.
- Want to meet up later? - Where you going?
- Anywhere you're going. - Anywhere you're going.
- We're going home. - We're going home.
STEVE: Do you have a...? - See you.
"Anywhere you're going."
Always get their numbers. Tonight I got 20 numbers.
Twenty numbers.
[LOUDLY] Bailey...
...you got 20 numbers of 20 girls that you will never call...
...never go out with, never see in the daylight.
Twenty numbers that exist only to make you feel like you can get 20 numbers.
- Watch the volume. - Sorry. Tinnitus.
- Club disease. - You kids are all going to be deaf.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Bailey.
This is my night.
BAILEY: What? - Look.
RUTH: Linda, don't look over.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
DEBBIE: Cliff, I need another double latte, no cream, skim milk, decaf.
I'm going to use that video date you got me last Christmas.
- It was a joke. DEBBIE: I know. I know.
You think it's something desperate people do. You are wrong, wrong, wrong!
Expect the Best is the best video-dating in the country. Hi!
Debbie Hunt. Call me before I go to Cabo.
- Your medication, Miss Hunt. - Thank you.
You make the greatest coffee. Doesn't he make...? You...
My roommate has no domestic skills. Guys just don't know...
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
STEVE: Did you get the tunnel stuff? - I'll call you back.
Denise.
The I-90 construction is behind. No green time from the exits.
The Times wants to know why there's gridlock on the I-5.
Tell them it's God's way of saying, "Listen to the radio."
- Did you read my proposal? - Yeah.
STEVE: What'd you think?
I liked it. You have to move it past Stu.
STEVE: Stu? - After lunch.
After lunch, okay. After lunch, Stu.
- Ted, what's up? - Making music with my fingers.
And what a beautiful sound it is.
Linda Powell, Steve Dunne. Hey.
Yeah, I met you 61 hours ago. Yeah, that was me.
Listen, you want to get some dinner or...?
Busy. How about some lunch? Have a lunch.
Coffee?
Water? How about some water?
I'll meet you where you're having lunch, and we'll have some water.
I think that this whole decade will be about cleaning up.
STEVE: Mm-hm.
Our project spent last year studying the Alaskan Exxon spill.
Right.
And now... And now with all the Exxon kickbacks, it's...
- God, yes. The worst. - Yes.
I'm trying to put together a group to go study the whole coast.
I'm having a little trouble trying to get a boat.
I think it will work out.
[MOANING]
- What? WOMAN: There's just no privacy anymore.
I thought he was literally gonna swallow her.
- Me too. - My God.
Do you know what time it is?
- Yeah, 3:30. - Oh, I'm so late.
- I'm glad your lunch date didn't show. - Me too.
- Did you really have a lunch date? - No. Heh.
- Maybe... - I'm getting over somebody.
- We don't have to make it anything big. - I think it's a bad time to get...
- Okay. - Okay.
Here's my car. Let me give you a ride back to work.
Okay. Thanks.
Thanks.
I really like your take on the supertrain.
It's ambitious. If it were up to me...
STEVE: She opened my car-door button. Unmistakable sign.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
I like this girl.
Gotta handle this one really well.
The thing I like about you the best is that you listen to me.
- You're a realist-slash-dreamer. - Thanks.
I get so pissed off when I think about it.
That some jerk could trash the Mona Lisa or an ocean or someone's life.
Yes.
So who are your neighbors?
Um, that's Bailey, right there. He's a maître d'.
He keeps us all in free meals.
And on the corner there, that's Debbie Hunt.
DEBBIE: Uh-huh. Mm-hm.
She actually consumes men instead of food.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
And that is Cliff. He delivers flowers, has four jobs...
...works in the coffee shop around the corner.
Upstairs is Janet Livermore.
[CLATTERING]
She works there too. She's saving for architecture school.
Cliff and Janet...
That's it.
You sound like me talking about my family.
Wanna go upstairs while your stuff is still drying?
Um... Um...
LINDA: That's a good picture of you.
Let me ask you a question. You think about traffic? Ever?
Because I do, constantly. Traffic is caused by the single-car driver.
Nine hundred thousand single people get in their cars every morning.
They drive to work and wonder why there's gridlock.
This is what I've been working on. If you had a supertrain...
...you give people a reason to get out of their cars. Great coffee, great music...
...they will park and ride. I know they will.
But I still love my car, though.
Well... Uh... Oh.
LINDA: The Sonics. They've got a good team this year.
Good thing they traded Xavier McDaniel.
- Is he a boxer or a basketball player? - You dare to rip the X-Man.
LINDA: Oh.
Kiss at the Hotel de Ville. You have this too. I have this.
And albums. Oh, I miss albums.
STEVE: I was a deejay in college. - Really?
Yeah. That's why I still have records.
So any boyfriends?
You don't want to know. I've had bad luck.
But there was this one guy, Rich. All my girlfriends loved him.
That stuff I told you about the money I inherited?
I made that up. Plus, I got back together with Lynn last night.
So you probably want to go ahead and freak out.
[SCREAMING]
Oh, man. That was like a professional hit.
I didn't wanna get close to anybody for a long time.
And then I...
- I'm talking too much. - No, go ahead.
Well, I thought for sure I would meet someone in college.
A perfect combination of Mel Gibson and Holden Caulfield...
...and the sexual revolution would just sweep us both away.
I was a semester too late.
[THE CULT'S "SHE SELLS SANCTUARY" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Oh, the heads that turn
Make my back burn
Hi.
Make my back Make my back burn
GIRL: Condoms. They're free.
The sparkle in your eyes
Keeps me alive
You know, it's okay to loathe these people.
Really?
There is so much life in you.
And so much emotional larceny in these others.
- I'm Andy. - I'm Linda.
Emotional larceny?
We talked about how passion didn't matter as much as comfort and stability.
- That's bullshit. - No kidding.
[DISH SHATTERS]
- Sorry. - It's cool.
We lived together for two years. We're still friends, but...
I did the same thing.
One day, one of you goes for groceries and never comes back.
I know.
Everyone I know wants everything to be easy.
I know.
- Why did I have to meet you in a club? - I don't know.
[JIMI HENDRIX'S "MAY THIS BE LOVE" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Oh, I love this song.
Waterfall
Nothing can harm me at all
My worries seem so very small
With my waterfall
My clothes.
- This is you? - Yeah.
This gas-guzzling monster? The environmentalist?
- I inherited it. - Not sure how I feel about that.
[LINDA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
So let's maybe do something this weekend or...
- Okay. I'll call you. - Okay. Don't forget.
I won't.
[CHUCKLING]
- Good night. - Good night.
Good night.
Listen, next time, why don't you, um...
...park underground?
I should go.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[LINDA HUMMING]
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
[SIGHS]
MAN [ON TV]: One lucky shopper who gets a 60-second supermarket sweep.
Grab whatever you can. Keep whatever you want.
It's all yours free, only at Shop for Less.
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
[FOOTSTEPS]
STEVE: Hi.
Uh, I was just nowhere near your neighborhood...
ALARM VOICE: Burglar, burglar, burglar, burglar, burglar, burg...
LINDA: Oh! Shh.
Neighbors.
[PHONE RINGS]
ANDY [OVER SPEAKER]: It's Andy. Just calling to make sure you're okay.
- She's okay. ANDY: I was thinking about the conversation.
I think you should trust this guy, although he's putting on moves...
...passive-aggressively speaking. I'm a guy. I know these things.
I don't like that I know them, but I know.
I think that you can trust him, but be careful.
If he doesn't treat you right, I'll kick his ass.
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Starring Fred MacMurray.
[ANDY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER SPEAKER]
Can you wait? Just a little longer. Okay?
- Whenever, whenever. - You're amazing.
I feel like I'm being pulled inside you.
- We're being too loud. - Huh?
What are you thinking right now?
[HEART THUMPING]
I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
Things happen throughout the course of the game. Nothing you can do.
I don't go out to look to say, "I'm gonna beat this guy up."
- Anything else, X? - Yes. Steve, don't come yet.
JANET: God, I'm in love with my neighbor. Why don't you call me, Cliff?
Mm, what can I eat? I'm tired of starving myself for this guy.
Salad. I'll have a salad.
If I call him, that's being desperate.
He's late or he forgot. I refuse to call him to remind him he forgot.
If he shows up, I'll listen, but no way do I call him.
Of course, men do like to be called.
I'll call him in 10 minutes. That will be one hour, and that is officially very late.
He is officially very late.
If I make this basket, that's fate telling me to call him.
Two out of three.
Wait. Did no basket mean call him or don't call him?
[BUSY SIGNAL]
Busy. That's a sign. That's fate saying don't call.
Forget it. I am not desperate. I have many people to spend a Saturday with.
- Quit getting involved with neighbors. - That broke us up?
- We're better as friends. - Absolutely.
The thing about Cliff is, he has all this fierce integrity.
- I know. - Except when it comes to women.
He likes these club-type women...
...these huge, hourglass, Amazon women.
It's great you're together, but you've got to protect yourself.
So I'm not an Amazon woman?
You're from the High Plains, Janet.
JANET: Hm...
I'm so glad I live here.
- Are my breasts too small for you? - No.
God.
Because, I mean, I look around, and all I see are these...
...posters and billboards and magazines and TV shows...
...all with these women with huge breasts.
I guess I just... I guess I just wanted to ask.
Is that what men really want? Is that what you want?
You know?
Don't lie because when you do, your eye twitches, and I know it anyway.
[EXHALES]
Okay, ask me.
Are my breasts too small for you?
Sometimes.
[SINGING] When I get married, I'm gonna change my reins
- [SINGING] A-ha - I'm trading in my bridal
For a wedding band
She's gonna hang up her spurs Raise some little cockleburs
And settle down around the Rio Grande
Like any straight-shootin' Hard-ridin', law-abidin'
Have you had implants before?
What do you think?
NURSE: No.
Yes. Well, you take a couple of days and make up your mind.
We skew the size specifically to what you want...
...by graph. Right.
Well, what's painful?
It can be mildly painful, and certainly safety is on everybody's mind...
...mine in particular.
Right. Okay, you take a couple of days and think about it.
All right. Bye-bye.
- Hi. - Hi.
Heard you on the phone. I'm in. I don't need a couple of days.
DR. JAMISON: How about that?
JANET: Hm.
DR. JAMISON: Uh...
Maybe for your frame, something a little less hourglass.
If you're going to have the operation, you know, have the operation.
Yeah.
- Whoa. Do you jog? - A little.
See, maybe, here.
- Split the difference? - Split the difference.
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
[CITIZEN DICK'S "TOUCH ME I'M DICK" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
'Cause I'm stuck by myself
Touch me I'm dick
[DIALING NUMBER]
Hi, it's me. I'm tired of doing the right thing.
I'm tired of waiting for you to call me.
Um...
I'm on the bed right now, wearing something really outrageous.
I've got no underwear on.
[SIGHS]
I need to be touched. I'm burning for you, Cliff.
I think you've got the wrong number, lady, but I'll be right over.
[GROANS]
- This guy plays no games. - That's great.
Yeah.
- I've got to play this one perfectly. - Go with it.
- What do your instincts tell you to do? - Not to listen to you guys.
- There you go. - She doesn't want you tugging at her bra strap.
She wants mystery, drama, excitement. I know women.
I don't want drama or excitement. I just want to trust him.
- Should I trust him? - Yeah.
- Not all guys are like Luiz. - You're right.
You're right. Steve is different.
Steve, just follow your instincts. Don't treat this like casual sex.
Casual sex doesn't even exist anymore. It's lethal. It's over.
What are you thinking?
If I had a conversation with God, I would ask him to create this girl.
- My chest hurts. - Uh-oh.
- You didn't, like, leave a note? - No, I left my blue T-shirt by mistake.
JANET: There are no mistakes. STEVE: What?
What does that...? What does that mean? Give me the phone.
Ahem. I'm going to call my new semi-girlfriend.
You're gonna scare her off.
She's beautiful. Anyone would call her.
- Distinguish yourself by not calling. - Yep.
- P.S., that's how you get her. - No. Bailey, you don't understand.
Am I the only one that remembers your last three girlfriends?
[PHONE CLICKS THEN DIAL TONE]
You're right.
I gotta let this one breathe.
MAN: You're concerned about dioxins. Let me give you Greenpeace's number.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- So how'd it go? - I got the boat.
- The trip to Alaska's set. - Oh, great, Linda.
- That is great. - Yeah.
- Oh, Steve on two. - Four days he waits to call me.
So, what do I tell him?
- Tell him I went out for groceries. - Okay.
She went out for groceries.
Uh-huh. Bye-bye.
He's coming right over.
- What do you mean, nothing? - Nothing is wrong.
Really. Thanks.
- I thought we connected. - This is a small office.
- Is this because I didn't call? - I don't remember. Did you call?
I don't know why you're being like this. I like you. It was cool meeting you.
I'll call you, or you call me.
- I'm sorry if I blew it by not calling. - You don't owe me anything.
- Is this about your old boyfriend who calls? - Andy doesn't call.
- Probably has a ponytail, right? - No.
- Mr. Sensitive Ponytail Man. - He is not Mr. Sensitive Ponytail Man.
- You're scared of getting close to me. - You don't know me well enough.
- I think I do. - No, you don't.
Look, let's not play games.
Games? If I was playing games, I would have waited a week to call.
- What I mean is... - I've gotta work, Steve.
- Linda? I left my blue T-shirt at... - Bye, Steve.
[EXHALES]
[LINDA SIGHS]
LINDA: Why? Why do you talk such a good game?
You talk about things that matter, that get me excited, that get me hot.
But it's like you're lobotomized. Why can't I just protect myself?
Why can't I just be a buddy?
Glad I caught this one in time. I can't leave myself open.
It's better to be the dumper than the dumpee.
DEBBIE: Mom. Mom. Yeah.
Listen, Mom, if he invited you to Hawaii, yes, he wants something.
And who cares? Dad's been gone for two years. Uh-huh.
Listen. Listen, Mom!
I'm having a bad sugar crash. Do you think you could hold it down?
Wait, Mom. Rinse your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher.
I rinsed them, Debbie.
You have to rinse off all the food or it gets all over.
I found this big, little chunky thing on my glass. No biggie.
So. Yeah, wish me luck on my video for Expect the Best. Uh-huh.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Hi.
- This is for Expect the Best, right? - Yeah. I brought clippings.
- Possible looks for my video. - Mm.
Here we have the Edie Sedgwick. You know?
Oh.
Pseudo Brigitte Bardot.
Or we jet on over to Spain for the depressed millionairess.
Mm-hm.
And I love these earrings that nobody loves but me.
Truth?
Truth.
I will create your new look. I will have men dying at your feet.
Ten bucks extra, and Brian will shoot your video.
Twenty.
Ahem. He doesn't even know me.
Debbie...
...he is only like the next Martin Scor-ceese.
Okay. Okay, I'm in your hands.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
[GASPS THEN SCREAMS]
DEBBIE: I am Debbie Hunt.
If you want to see how I look, rewind and freeze-frame.
But I am not about looks.
Hi.
I crave responsibility, respectability and love.
My goals are serenity and knowledge and men who can understand me.
Oh, no druggies, please.
I'm fairly intense, and I'm an advertising exec...
...at KRWE-TV. That's me.
Come to where the flavor is. Come to Debbie country.
[CHEERING]
Yeah.
"Debbie country." It's funny.
EDDIE: "Doghouse" as an encore? STONE: Should be six songs.
- They want me to come out. - They are just our friends.
- "Doghouse" as an encore. - You can't start out with that.
STONE: Why make them clap so we come out again?
- You don't get it. - I agree with Cliff.
- Hey, a review of our record. - Whoa, read it out loud.
"When the shirtless Cliff starts to sing..."
Wait a minute, man. I don't want to hear anything negative.
Go on.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
"Other than that he was ably backed by Stone and Jeff...
...and drummer Eddie Vedder." That's good. That's a good review.
- A compliment for us is a compliment for you. - No, man.
This negative energy just makes me stronger.
We will not retreat. This band is unstoppable.
This weekend, we rock Portland.
Yeah!
[LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]
[CHATTERING]
STEVE: Okay, I know you're in love, but are you sure you want to do this?
JANET: Yep. My mind is made up.
Want to read a magazine?
Thanks for doing this with me, Steve.
I didn't want you to go alone.
Tell me, from a girl's point of view, what do you want from a guy?
Well, when I first moved out here from Tucson...
...I wanted a guy with...
...looks, security, caring.
Someone with their own place.
Someone who said, "bless you" or "gesundheit" when I sneezed.
Someone who liked the same things as me, but not exactly.
And someone who loves me.
- Tall order. - Yeah, I scaled it down a little.
What is it now?
Someone who says, "gesundheit" when I sneeze, although I prefer "bless you."
It's nicer.
- Janet, sorry you had to wait. JANET: Dr. Jamison.
This is my friend, Steve.
- Doctor. - Hi, Steve. Come on in.
Hey, last chance.
Here we go.
I'm going to say something that I haven't said...
...in three years of being an HMO.
I will perform the operation, but I don't think you need it.
I think you're perfect.
If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate you the way you are, then you have to ask:
"Are you his Miss Right, or are you his Miss Maybe?"
Wow.
What's that mean, "wow"?
- Did my check bounce? - No.
Janet...
...I really have a feeling about you.
Thanks, but I love my boyfriend.
Okay.
- I still feel good about what I said. - Oh, no, you should. It's good.
- Can I say something to you? - Sure.
Your face wants a different part, your hair.
- My hair? - Yeah.
[DR. JAMISON CHUCKLES]
Yeah, there you go.
Mm. Now you look vaguely rocking.
You are a happening guy, you know?
You're Dr. Jamison.
You've got nice eyes, and you've got those great trustworthy eyebrows...
...and you're a surgeon, man. Many, many babes are into that.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, really. Listen, I have friends who would love you.
See, I don't know how to have fun.
I'm 33 years old, and I don't know how to have fun.
There. Now was that fun or what?
Yeah, that was fun.
- Doc. - Yeah, I know, the operation.
I want Cliff to like me the way I am.
Thanks.
MAN [ON TV]: A few days later, she leaves the hive. Now she's ready to mate.
High in the sky, the only male bees, the drones...
- So Portland, maybe it wasn't our city. - Shh.
- Man, where are the anthems of our youth? - Shh.
What happened to music that meant something?
The Who at the Kingdome or Kiss at the Coliseum.
Where is the "Misty Mountain Hop"? Where is the "Iron Man" of today?
- We're not going out tonight, are we? - Look at this.
These bands are like well-designed bottles of bleach. It's beer and lifestyle music.
It's like the next world war's gonna be sponsored by...
...I don't know, I mean, what?
We could just take a bath.
Just remember one thing, we are loved in Belgium and in Italy.
MAN [ON TV]: The yellowjacket wasp has come looking for food.
The alarm is sounded.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
[SNEEZES]
MAN [ON TV]: They pour into the European hives.
[SNEEZES]
Hey, babe, don't get me sick. I'm playing this weekend.
[BEES BUZZING ON TV]
JANET: Wait a minute. What am I doing?
I don't have to be here. I... I could just break up with him.
[SIGHS]
[PAUL WESTERBERG'S "WAITING FOR SOMEBODY" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
JANET: I've always been able to do this. Break up and never look back.
Being alone, there's a certain dignity to it.
[DIALING NUMBER]
Hi!
Hi. Did I overreact?
Do you know who this is?
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
LINDA: We spent a couple of great weeks together.
But whenever things are at their best, I start waiting for them to fall apart.
I can't figure out if I do it to myself or if life does it for me.
- I'm a little late this month, that's all. STEVE: Well, how...? How late?
- Late. - Mm-hm, mm-hm.
[SCANNER BEEPING]
- Steve Dunne. - Yeah.
- Doug Hughley. Mr. Deegan's class. - Doug, hi.
- What is up? How you doing, man? - Great, man.
You know how much homework I missed because of you?
I loved your radio show. That was the best. Thanks, man.
We're throwing down tonight on Aloha Street. It's gonna be insane.
- Would you do a little wheels of steel? - Oh, no.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
You're the only man I know who can mix Elvis Costello and Public Enemy.
What's so funny about...? Peace, peace, peace
Love and under... Peace, peace, peace
What does a brother understand...? Peace, peace
[IMITATES TURNTABLES SCRATCHING]
Peace, understand, peace, peace
[IMITATES TURNTABLES SCRATCHING]
You're the best, man! You are the king. You are the king.
You gotta be there, man. You must be there!
Of course, you may be busy.
[SCREAMING TREES' "NEARLY LOST YOU" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Ten minutes, then we pour X into B. If it's blue...
- Then we have a big talk. - Yeah. Heh.
I nearly lost you there
- I have some time right now. - Then let's talk right now.
- Okay. - Okay.
- My body knows it's gonna be blue. - It's not gonna be blue.
- It is not gonna be blue. - You're right.
I'm probably sterile. It runs in my family.
Really? Oh.
[LINDA CHUCKLES]
- Do you know where my other shoes are? - No, maybe they're by the door.
- That would be wild. - What?
Having a kid.
- If you were pregnant. - If I were pregnant, which I'm not.
And I wouldn't expect you to deal with it anyway.
Well, I'd be with you. We'd deal with it.
To friendship.
- That's bluish, right? - It's fairly blue.
- Well... - Put it against something blue.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Uh...
Well, wait. Let's try and put it against something white.
- Oh. - White.
- What are you gonna do today? - Meet the deputy mayor.
- Sets up the thing with the real mayor. - I have stuff to do. Do... Or call you...
- Okay. - Bye.
LINDA: Bye. STEVE: Bye.
STEVE: Finally... - Interesting.
...if we get the single car driver on the supertrain, we can change the city.
It's all in the proposal.
Well, flirts with brilliance. Wish it were up to me.
Let me get you 15 minutes with the mayor.
Thank you.
Basically, that's kind of what we're all about, give or take a little.
I'd like to kind of leave it up to you. Figure out what you'd like to do.
I think that will be great. Yeah. You've explained it really well.
DEBBIE: All right, these are the men who want me.
But I'm more than just a good body. Feelings, man.
I have a lot of tender feelings waiting for the right woman.
It's hard to get it across when you look like this.
My name is Spiro. I'm an artist. My painting is displayed behind me.
I'm a very meticulous person in appearance and also very precise.
If two people really believe in each other...
...that love can go around the world and through their souls.
But love is very delicate.
In fact, if you're both not very careful and nurturing, that love can:
I'm looking for a woman who is unpredictable.
Someone who is complex. Someone who is willing to experiment.
I like the way the world looks from a bicycle.
I'm looking for someone who feels the same way I do about a bicycle.
Am I too intense? I can be intensely laid-back too.
I am very, very, very lonely.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
- Who? - Definitely the bicycle guy.
The bicycle guy.
He's like your soul mate.
Guy with the bicycle.
Nice outfit.
- Is he late? - Yeah.
- Yeah, but I expect the best. - Yeah.
Why did you pick this Sea Merchant? The First Avenue one is happening.
- There's another Sea Merchant? - Yeah, the new one.
Oh, no.
BIKER 1: On your right! BIKER 2: On your right!
BIKER 3: On your right! BIKER 4: On your right!
Excuse me, was there a Jamie looking for a Debbie Hunt?
Yes, and he left you a message:
"I got your address from Expect the Best. I'll meet you at your house."
- Great. - He was hot. Tsss.
DEBBIE: Desperation, it's the world's worst cologne.
- Out of salt. - You are good at that.
- This is the key to popcorn. - Is it?
- Swirl with the bowl. - Good, put the bowl down.
- Let's make some more. PAM: You want more?
JAMIE: Ow. Ow.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
[PAM AND JAMIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- More popcorn. - Stop, stop, stop.
- What, what, what? - Stop, stop, stop.
PAM: Want more? JAMIE: How does this work?
- Um, do you want butter? - Do I want butter?
- Hi. DEBBIE: Hi.
- Debbie. - Jamie.
- Wow, you represent well in real life. - Thanks a lot. So do you.
Thank you.
When I missed you, I just buzzed down.
Look who I ran into, Pammy from U-Dub.
- Pamela. I'm Pamela. - Oh, you're Pamela.
Pamela, did you see that package out on the porch for you?
- No, Jamie and I, we're making popcorn. - We're making popcorn with Kermit.
I would love to show you this package on the porch.
- Just for a second. - Okay. All right.
Okay.
Sure.
- We always said separate lives, Pam. - It's no biggie, all right?
- It's a major biggie! - Look, I knew him first.
I guess that gives you the right to bone him in my kitchen.
PAM: If I wanted that guy, I wouldn't need a video date.
You'd wait for me to meet him and then make popcorn!
- I will make popcorn with whomever I want. - You've made popcorn with half the city!
At least I don't have to chase the popcorn.
I don't think we should take this vacation together.
Remember how you told me to tell you when you're being plastic? You're being plastic.
This is so unfair.
- How much do you want for him? - Two hundred dollars.
PAM: Outrageous. DEBBIE: That's what I paid.
- Seventy-five. - One-fifty.
Eighty, and I'll do the dishes all month.
- Deal. PAM: Deal.
DEBBIE: Fine. PAM: Fine.
- We need to talk. - I think we do.
There's something I need to say.
- You want out. - Let's get married.
- What? - What?
Everyone's together for the wrong reasons...
...or they bail out. This is life telling us something.
- Oh, God. - What?
Don't make me remember this chilidog forever.
Remember it. Make that a historic chilidog.
Take your time. Think about it.
You don't even have to use words, just take a bite if the answer is yes.
LINDA: I want to be logical. STEVE: Okay.
LINDA: Say we're married, it's a year from now, we have the kid...
...will we be anything like we are now? It's like the great unknown.
I've got work. I've got that coastal trip to Alaska, and you've got your thing.
I want to be logical. I think I can love you and still be logical.
What? What is that look?
Someone who really cares about you, it must scare you to death.
Forget logic.
What's in your heart?
I want to do it.
- This is life telling us something. - So that's a yes?
Yes.
- You're gonna feel good about this. - Oh, really?
Mom, I wanna get out! Mom, can't we get out?
- Did we make the right decision? - I don't know.
GIRL: Please, Mom!
- Yes. - Yes.
Xavier McDaniel almost made the All-Star team.
- Why does he pick a fight with every player? - Like?
Like Charles Barkley.
- That's a Bobby Van. - Who's Bobby Van?
He was the host of Make Me Laugh.
[LAUGHING]
I never got to finish that chilidog, you know?
That light's on yellow way too long.
You okay?
- You all right? - I'm okay.
Huh? Are you all right?
Are you all right? Let's get out.
Come on, let's get out.
LINDA: James.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]
James.
- Who's James? - Uh, I don't know.
Honey?
James Worthy is a star. X is just a player.
- Is this a conversation you had earlier? - Yes.
NURSE: It's a good sign.
- What? - Hey, hey.
- Hey. - Hi.
Hey. Hi. We had an accident, baby. You're in the hospital.
I lost it, right? It's all over.
If we can't make it through this, if you do not know you're not alone...
- Linda? - I lost the baby.
[LINDA SOBBING]
STEVE: Will you look at me?
[SIGHS]
I was flunking high school, I was 45 pounds overweight, had a dead-end job.
[DOOR CLOSES]
I didn't feel good about myself. My future did not look very bright...
- Hey. - Hi.
- How are you doing today? - I'm better. I'm better.
I think I've read every single magazine in the world.
[LINDA CHUCKLES]
- Did you go to work today? - No. It's been two weeks.
I think they're going to fire me.
- I need some time alone. - Alone?
Yeah.
I have a new emotion every five seconds.
MAN [ON TV]: I know it can change your life.
I'd like to share with you a poem I think is real special.
I think I should take that research trip.
I should just be out somewhere in the middle of the ocean, alone.
I know I'm right about this.
It's just a month. It's just work.
LINDA: See you in a month!
I'll miss you!
Hey, Janet. Come here. I got a present for you.
Give me another chance. One... Two minutes. Come on.
- Hey. This'll be great. JANET: Oh.
- You're gonna love me for this. - Mm.
I installed your new stereo.
Oh. Great.
[CLIFF CHUCKLES]
[TAD'S "JINX" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Yeah. Yeah.
Out of your mind you are
[VOLUME INCREASES]
Can't find a way to get back in
Yeah.
Broken thinkin', broken mind
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[DISTORTION BUZZING]
I'm a jinx, I'm a jinx Bad luck follows everywhere
[VOLUME DECREASES]
- I'll replace the windows. JANET: Thanks.
STEVE: Work. Work has never been better.
[SIGHS]
I miss her.
What are we going to say to each other when she gets back?
[HORN HONKS]
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- Hi. STEVE: Hi. Welcome back.
- You look great. - You too.
How are you? How was it?
- It was really good. - Yeah?
Yeah, really good.
- You want to go home? Out someplace? - Whatever.
- Let me think of the place... - There's Costas, I guess, or whatever.
- The 3-2-1? We could go... Costas is all right. - Yeah. I don't really care.
Jesus. We both could sink from all the pressure in the air.
I know.
- I really got into my job again. - I did too. I've been working my ass off.
I had the Coast Guard working for us. It was real exciting.
That's great.
We don't have to try and be what we were.
Thanks. I've been thinking the same thing.
[SIGHS]
Great.
Friends.
Let's be the first people in history to say it and really mean it.
How do you always say the perfect thing?
STEVE: That obnoxious mime? He was right. Love disappears.
[PLAYING "BIRTH RITUAL"]
[SINGING] Lying like needles
On forest earth
Euphoric rush
Trees bend to pray for us
I'm sputtering
Like cold machines
Late for the birth
Ritual!
Come on, man! Let's go!
We got people out here!
STEVE: Hello. MAN: I gotta go piss, man! Let's go!
Linda. It's me. Uh, I had to call you.
It's about midnight. I was just having many beers...
...and I wanted to say...
...what I should have said at the dock.
I fucking chickened out. I lied when I acted casual, like Mr. Casual...
...and I should have said it.
You belong with me!
We belong together and...
And what really pissed me off is that you thought...
...I proposed only because you were pregnant. What's that about?
I've got to go piss!
- I've got to go... - Hey, this is not the bathroom!
And maybe if I'd said this at the dock, it would make a difference because...
I think we made a big mistake, because we had good times and bad times...
...but we had times.
And I would like to start over.
I would like to be new to you.
I wanna be new to you. I wanna be Mr. New...
...so call me back if you want to, but this is the last time I'll call.
And...
And if you really needed to know how I really feel, that's how I feel. I love you.
And, uh, that's something you should know, so...
I won't bother you again, so good night and goodbye and...
...I love you. Call me back. Goodbye.
[DIAL TONE]
[TAPE SQUEALING]
Ugh...
This thing just eats tapes.
[CHATTERING]
STEVE: We're talking about 900,000 to a million people by the time it's done.
Provide an environment safer and better than their cars. Why not, Mr. Mayor?
- So it's a train. - A supertrain.
I've been burned by this train business before.
- You people all seem to forget. - We can change this city.
People love their cars.
Yes. But, uh...
- But if you give them great... WOMAN: Coffee.
Coffee... And great music. If you...
I'll put it to you like this, and then I'll thank you for your time.
Mm-hm.
My answer is...
...no.
Hi. May I help you?
One ticket to Cabo San Lucas through Los Angeles, first class, please. And, uh...
Could you seat me next to a single guy?
I think I'll put you in seat 3C.
Thank you.
Tell me everything there is to know about you.
I've got a special feeling about you.
Don't feel bad about her. I'll tell you what happened.
Kid talks her ear off the whole flight. His dad picks him up at the airport.
He's divorced. He meets Debbie. His first words are:
Look at those fantastic earrings.
CLIFF: And that's all it took. Debbie was in love.
She got back two weeks ago.
He sends her the big basket every day. Every third one...
...she sends back, just to be mysterious. I don't know, games.
He wants her to move to Mexico...
...and if she gets a job at the TV station down there, she's going.
Oh, thanks.
Tomorrow, I gotta sneak in there and spell her name in rose petals. Do you believe this job?
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
LINDA: Hm. It's so easy to fall back into old patterns.
Back with Andy. One week and we're already like...
...one of those old couples who sit around in Denny's and don't speak.
What am I doing?
Why did I chicken out?
Do you have the?
Thanks.
No, this is good. Being with Andy is like being alone. Together.
At least I'm not out there dating.
- Love you. - Love you too.
[JOHN COLTRANE'S "BLUE TRAIN" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
- What? - Hi.
Hey.
Hey. I was worried about you.
I'm fine. I am great! Been working. I read half of Exodus.
Steve, I think you're going through a phase.
Do you realize, Janet, that in modern society...
...there is almost no need to leave the house?
- At all. - Steve, you're wigging.
I'm not wigging. What, you think I'm wigging?
[CHUCKLES]
This is hang time. I'm just, uh... I'm just regrouping.
I'm spending some time with myself, getting stronger.
Thinking about... Regrouping. I'm thinking about...
...how I listened to my instincts and they were wrong. The opposite of right.
Well, I just wanted to bring you your mail.
And maybe this isn't the right time to share this with you...
...but things do turn around, Steve.
I mean, I don't even think about Cliff anymore.
I'm having the best time ever, on my terms.
You know what else? I'm going back to school.
- Really? - Yeah. Heh-heh.
Paid off my loan. Got all my architecture classes. My first project...
...is to redesign the fountain so we can sit in it.
- That's good news. - It is.
People need people, Steve. It's got nothing to do with sex.
Maybe 40 percent. Sixty percent. Forget it.
Tell you what.
If I have any kind of news of any kind...
...something good and nice that I want to share with you or something...
- Uh-huh. - I will knock four times, okay?
It's gonna be our secret code.
- How? - Okay? What?
- How? - How what?
How will you knock?
Oh.
Like that.
Okay.
Take care of yourself, Steve. Please.
[CHUCKLES]
In a parallel universe, we're probably a scorching couple.
But in this one, neighbors.
[CHATTERING]
- Hi. - Hi.
You get my message last night? Because I called.
I know.
You know, I didn't appreciate you, even though I thought I did.
I...
I used to live out by the airport, underneath the flight patterns.
It was really noisy with the planes going by all day.
I used to have cookouts, and no one would come because of the noise.
I got used to it. And then, when I moved...
...I missed the noise. I missed those planes.
- Cliff, what are you talking about? - I don't know.
I miss you. The way you used to look at me...
- Cliff, don't. I'm finally over you. - Really?
Yeah. Heh-heh. I mean, you know, I still really do like you, you know?
I think you're very...
What?
Entertaining.
[BEEPING]
That's me. I gotta go. My break's over.
Janet, you rock my world.
[DISH SHATTERS]
[SIGHS]
[TAPE REWINDING]
CLIFF [SINGING ON MACHINE]: I'm walking down the avenue
Ho-hoo-ho
And I'm looking at the garbage cans
Hoo-hoo-hoo Ho-ho-ho
I'm laughing at the people I see
Something like that. I'm playing with the lyrics. It's not set in stone. Anyway, I'm working on it.
But give me a call. I don't know what you're doing tonight...
...but give me a call, huh?
STEVE: Talk to me, talk to me. Forty résumés, bring me back something.
Here we go.
[SIGHS]
[FOUR KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Hi.
I was just nowhere near your neighborhood.
I don't need to be your girlfriend. I just want to know you again.
What took you so long?
I was stuck in traffic.
Well, that's the way it happens around here. Steve's moving out tomorrow.
They're finding a place, and I'm happy for them.
MOVER: Coming down. Look out. - No problem.
I may live here forever. That's fine. Not everybody needs to be with someone.
I don't know, for a lot of people, living alone is a nasty hang.
Not for me. My music is all the juice I'll need.
I'm a self-contained unit. I'm a solo artist.
Well, I better get going. I'm going out tonight.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- Hey. - Hey. Going out?
- Yep. You? - Yeah.
That's a very nice hat, and I don't mean that in an Eddie Haskell kind of way.
Thanks.
[SNEEZES]
- Bless you. - Thank you.
CLIFF: Does everybody go through this?
JANET: No, I think just us.
WOMAN 1: I'm going to be celibate forever.
MAN 1: I could spend my life with that person.
WOMAN 2: She's a girl in a car. All you see is her head.
MAN 1: I know my type.
WOMAN 3: Met someone new today. MAN 2: She's more my type than yours.
MAN 3: You always say they're your type. WOMAN 4: You should try living alone.
MAN 4: I can't sleep when I'm alone. MAN 5: It took her two dates.
WOMAN 5: I just thought I'd call, from hell.
MAN 6: You said that I said... WOMAN 6: I don't play games.
MAN 7: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
WOMAN 7: I can't believe I feel this way!
[English - US - SDH]