- ♪ MTV ♪
[both chuckling]
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- I'm gonna head to the barber to get my ears lowered,
so I need you boys to sign for a couple two packages
I got comin' from the Amazon.
- [chuckles] Package.
[both chuckling]
- They're a birthday present for Marcie
and my new hearing aid.
That one's real important now
because I can't hear nothing without it.
- Uh, did you hear me when I called you a butthole?
- Well, you're welcome.
I knew I could count on you.
- [laughs]
What are we supposed to do with these things again?
- Uh...
maybe we'll remember if we open 'em.
- [grunts]
It's, like, some kind of earbud that sucks.
- Let's throw them in the garbage.
- It's the least we can do.
- Just gonna open this here.
Whoa. Look, Beavis.
- Yeah, yeah. It's amazing.
Let's break it. [chuckles]
Yeah, break it.
There'll be glass everywhere.
- Beavis, wait. - Huh?
- Yes, we could smash this crystal thingy
in the street,
and yes, it would be cool,
but we can do better than that, and we must.
Let's throw it off the roof.
[both laugh] - Yeah. Yeah.
- Jesus Christ of the Lord God on high,
thank you for making me Post Malone.
[chuckles]
- Thank you for making me rich and have lots of chicks too.
[chuckling] Amen.
[chuckling]
♪ ♪
Whoa, oh, he doesn't have any armor on his schlong.
It's just wide open, and his testes too.
- Boy, he just doesn't care about his wiener.
[chuckling]
- Yeah, yeah, an evil rises in Mordor,
but Post Malone shall not wear any armor on his schlong!
- ♪ Even when I tried ♪
♪ ♪
♪ You don't believe it ♪
- Oh, check it out, Butt-Head, she doesn't have a mouth.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
He finally found a chick
who can't tell him his music sucks.
- Shut up, Butt-Head. I kind of like it.
He's just kind of lazy. [chuckles]
[humming melody]
♪ I don't believe it ♪
♪ ♪
- Yeah, he looks lazy. - Yeah, that's cool.
[chuckles]
- ♪ So I don't take the blame ♪
- Is he chewing tobacco? [chuckles]
- No, he's got, like, a bunch of tattoos
on the inside of his mouth,
and they make his cheeks all puffy.
[chuckles] - Yeah, he looks cool.
[chuckles] - Whoa.
She grew her on noose so she could kill herself
'cause he sucks. - Shut up, Butt-Head.
[chuckles] This kicks ass.
[chuckles] - Well, the noose didn't work.
I guess I'd better drown myself.
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
She just needs to go wash her hair for Post Malone,
you know, 'cause people keep stepping on it.
♪ ♪
- Come on, butthole. Hurry up.
- I don't know, Butt-Head.
I'm kind of afraid of heights.
- Quit being such a wuss, Beavis.
Come on. [chuckles]
- Okay.
[laughs] Don't look down.
Whoa. Whoa, that's a long ways.
- Hurry the hell up, buttwipe.
- [grunting]
[panting]
Oh, boy.
- Uh, where's the bowl?
- Um, it was, like, too hard to climb
and bring it up here at the same time,
so I decided to climb first
and then bring it up here.
You know what I'm saying? - Damn it, Beavis.
The bowl was the whole reason I came up here.
Now get down there and get it.
- I don't know, Butt-Head.
It's kind of scary to try--
Aah!
- Uh, hmm.
- How are we gonna get down, Butt-Head?
[both laugh]
- Get down. [laughs]
- Oh, boy. [both chuckle]
- Uh, someone's gotta put the ladder back up,
so, Beavis, you're gonna have to jump off the roof.
[laughs]
- I don't know, Butt-Head.
We're kind of really far off the ground.
- Uh, I don't care.
- Maybe you could jump.
- Okay, I've got an idea, Beavis.
If you take, like, a running start,
you can jump into that tree and climb down.
- That looks kind of far though.
- You can do it, Beavis.
I believe in you. [laughs]
So hurry up, nutsack.
- Uh, well, I'm--oh, boy.
I guess I could give it a try.
I don't know, Butt-Head.
- Run as fast as you can, Beavis.
- Okay, here goes. [laughs]
Don't look down. [chuckles]
Aah!
Butt-Head, help!
- Uh, help you jump down?
- No. No, no!
[grunts] No, no!
Aah! I don't wanna fall!
Ow! That hurt. - Grow up, Beavis.
- Aah! No!
- Everything isn't always about you.
- Aah! Ow.
[groans] Ow.
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm all right.
I don't wanna be late for kindergarten.
Circle time sucks.
[chuckles] Whoa.
Whoa, that's a cool bowl.
Never seen anything like that before.
Wow. I'll be damned.
- Get the ladder, Beavis.
- Oh, hey. Who are you?
- I'm Butt-Head, assface.
- Um, which one of those is your name
and which one is what you're calling me?
- Just get the ladder, dumbass.
- What's a ladder?
- It's that thing over there that's a ladder.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Thanks, assface.
Yeah, here it is. Yeah.
- Now put it against the house so I can climb down.
- Okay. Okay, here we go, yeah.
[grunts]
[glass shatters]
[ladder clangs]
- Finally, butthole.
- Oh, hey, assface.
[laughs] How's it going?
- You dumbass. What are you doing up here?
- I climbed up this thing.
It's called a ladder. [chuckles]
Wait a second. It was just there.
- Uh... [laughs]
- [sighs] Dangnabbit.
My packages didn't come.
Now I don't have my GD hearing aid.
I can't hear a goddamn thing.
- Uh, help? [laughs]
- Yeah, old guy! Help us, yeah.
- Hey. - It looks like I forgot to...
- Old guy! - Put this ladder in the shed.
- Old man. - That's a whoopsie-daisy.
- Uh, hey, old guy! Get us down from here!
- Help. - There we go.
- Look up, dumbass.
- Like, help!
Help or something! - Oh.
- Marie's birthday present came at least.
Nice of them to deliver it back here
where the thieves won't get it.
both: Hey. - Hey, hey.
- Old guy.
- Uh, old guy? [laughs]
- Are we gonna be up here forever, Butt-Head?
- Uh, I don't know.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool, yeah.
- The moon sucks. [laughs]
- It sure does, yeah. [chuckles]
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- Two. [both grunting]
Three, four.
Five.
Uh...
- Whoa, hey. It worked. [laughs]
That's pretty cool.
- Now when the chicks see us at the pool,
we'll look all pumped and ripped.
[both laugh] - Cool.
- Uh, hello, sir.
We wanna, like, swim and show off our guns.
[both laugh] - Yeah, let us in, yeah.
[both chuckling]
- Sorry, you're banned.
- Can I just come in and take a whiz real quick?
- No.
- This sucks, Butt-Head.
Got all ripped for nothing.
[girls laughing]
- Whoo! - Stop splashing me.
- Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
Our muscles are bigger than those guys'.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sun's out, muscles out. Or something.
- Beavis, we gotta find something that floats
and get in that river.
- Yeah, really. [laughs]
- Hm, something that floats.
- Whoa. Whoa, check it out, Butt-Head.
- Beavis, this is our lucky day.
[both laugh]
This is gonna be cool.
[grunts]
- Here we go. [both laugh]
- Good morning, everybody.
This morning, I am headed over to do a main line
at Nashua City Building.
Another drain cleaner broke a piece of snake in there
and just left, so wish me luck.
Stay tuned, and I hope to see you at the end.
- Uh, she's really into toilets.
[chuckles]
Think she, like, brings a toilet with her
everywhere she goes, like, to parties and stuff?
- Hey, does anyone need to take a dump?
[chuckles]
I got a toilet right here. Come on, don't be shy.
[chuckles]
- That reminds me, I heard that, like,
when you get older, the doctor has one of these,
and he sticks the camera up your butt every five years.
It's mandatory. [chuckles]
- Whoa, really? [chuckles]
Why do they do that?
- They say it's, like,
to check for scallops or something,
but they really just do it 'cause it's funny.
[chuckles]
- [chuckles] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
You think this chick does that?
- Probably.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool, actually, you know, 'cause,
um, then afterwards, you could say,
"Hey, baby, I see you put a camera inside my butt."
[chuckles]
- Yeah, did you like what you see?
[chuckles]
The inside of my butt is just the beginning.
- Yeah, yeah, because people are more beautiful
on the inside. That's what counts.
- [chuckles]
- Whoa, it's Waldo. Look down there in the corner.
[chuckles]
- Waldo's gonna climb inside someone's butt.
[chuckles]
- Waldo's like, "They will not find me here."
[chuckles]
- I'd rather be in someone's butt than a book.
- Yeah, really. - I did it!
High five.
- [coughing]
Ah, butthole. Oh.
[chuckles]
- Ah! Butt-Head, help!
I can't swim. - Uh, what?
- [coughing, spluttering]
- Uh, Beavis?
Did you, like, drowned or something?
Are you dead?
Hello? [chuckles]
Oh, well. Now where did those chicks go?
- Aah! [coughing]
- What took you so long, dumbass?
- [coughs] - Damn it, Beavis.
Quit your barfing and start paddling.
We gotta catch up with those chicks.
- Okay, oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah. [laughs]
- No. - Uh, where'd they go?
- Whoa, I think I can hear the chicks, Butt-Head.
I think they're up ahead there, yeah.
[water rushing]
It sounds like they're, like, splashing around a lot
and, like, making a loud roaring noise.
- Beavis, we must prepare. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay. [grunts]
- One. - [grunts]
- Two.
[water roaring]
- Uh...uh-oh.
Beavis, you dumbass.
Paddle the other way.
- Okay.
I think it's working.
[both scream]
[both groaning]
[bodies thudding]
- [laughs] That was cool.
- Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty cool.
[chuckles]
- Okay, now where did those chicks go?
[rod whirs]
- Oh, look. A gummy worm.
I'm hungry, yeah.
Aah! - Oh, I think I got something.
- Aah! No!
Aah, aah!
What's happening? Aah! Oh, no.
- Damn it, Beavis. Quit screwing around.
We gotta catch up with those girls.
- Aah! No! - Come on, dumbass.
- Aah! Help!
Aah! - [groans]
- [panting]
- Beavis, you butt wagon.
We're never gonna catch the chicks if you're busy
playing with your toys.
[grunts]
- Oh, cool. A fly rod.
- Damn it.
What happened to that gummy worm?
What is all this? Looks like--
[both screaming]
Damn it, Beav-- [groans]
- [humming]
[distant screams]
- Oh! - Aah!
[both groaning]
[both screaming]
[line snaps]
- Aah. [clears throat]
I think I swallowed something.
[coughs] - Shut up, Beavis.
We've almost caught up with the chicks.
Now start paddling. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Chicks are cool.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Uh, this is making me, like, motion sick, Butt-Head.
[laughs] I might barf.
- Don't let me slow you down, Beavis.
- Bonjour, everyone. We are BlackList Parkour.
This is parkour POV in Paris. Let's go.
- Where are they? [laughs]
- Uh, he just said they're in Paris.
- No, no, it's not Paris.
- Beavis, he just said.
They're in Paris. - No, no, no.
Oh, I know where it is. It's Houston.
Yeah, this is Houston. - Uh, Beavis?
The guy just said they're in Paris.
- No, no. [chuckles]
'Cause he has that Houston accent,
you can't understand, Butt-Head.
[chuckles]
Yeah, see that? See that parking lot?
They have parking lots in Houston.
- Damn it, Beavis. It's not Houston.
- Butt-Head, I'm tired of you embarrassing yourself
'cause you've never been to Houston, and I have.
[chuckles]
Just need to get over it. [laughs]
- Damn it, Beavis.
Why are you so hell-bent on this being Houston?
- [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, see?
It's downtown Houston. [chuckles]
- Damn it, Beavis. Cut it out.
♪ ♪
This guy's like, "Hey, how's it going?
"Sorry I can't stay. Just doing some parkour."
- You know...
♪ ♪
You know, another thing about Houston,
it's actually not the capital.
A lot of people think it is.
- Damn it, Beavis. I don't think about it at all.
Shut up.
- It's the second-biggest city in Texas.
Yeah, they call it the "Longhorn state."
[laughs]
- See, Beavis? See that tower back there?
That's, like, Paris.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's one of those, like, big oil drill things, yeah.
That's, like, for the--
for the Houston Oilers, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, oil is big in Houston.
We got a gusher here. [laughs]
- Uh, oh, yeah. [chuckles]
You're right, Beavis.
This is Houston. - Yeah, yeah.
See? See?
- I was wrong.
I'm not too big to admit when I'm wrong.
And I'm not too big to admit that your mom is a slut.
[both laugh]
- Yeah, well, you're right. [chuckles]
- Remember that time we went into your mom's bedroom
and that roofer dude was bouncing around
like this on your mom? [laughs]
- Shut up, Butt-Head.
It wasn't as good as these guys.
- Oh, yeah.
He was all fat and slow.
Uh, uh, uh. [laughs]
- I don't see the chicks, Butt-Head.
- Uh, just keep paddling, Beavis.
We'll catch up with 'em.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
- I still don't see 'em, Butt-Head.
I still don't see 'em, Butt-Head.
Butt-Head? [laughs]
I still don't see 'em.
[soft dramatic music]
Are we dying?
- No. - [grumbles]
♪ ♪
- Uh, wait. Look, Beavis.
Out on the horizon.
There's someone coming to save us.
We gotta get ready.
One.
- Um, Butt-Head? - Two.
- Um, that's a--that's not-- um...
- Shut up, Beavis.
There could be chicks on that boat.
♪ ♪
- Um, Butt-Head?
Um, Butt-Head?
- [groans] - It's small.
- That's right, Beavis.
There's probably only room for one of us
'cause of all the chicks, so you'll have to stay here.
[groans] - Um...
Yeah, okay.
- We'll come back for you.
Maybe. [laughs]
Seven.
[hard rock music]
Nine.
♪ ♪
[bluesy rock music]
♪ ♪
- Chirp.