1
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:12,485
I thought your father was in
charge of Christmas decorations.
2
00:00:12,569 --> 00:00:15,322
Oh, no, no, not this year.
We're doing it my way.
3
00:00:15,530 --> 00:00:17,825
That's why I'm ordering
a tasteful tree here.
4
00:00:17,909 --> 00:00:20,202
They'll even deliver it on
Christmas Eve fully decorated.
5
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,080
-Gee, that'll be fun for Freddie.
-Frederick won't be joining me.
6
00:00:23,164 --> 00:00:26,125
He's spending his vacation on
an archaeological tour with Lilith.
7
00:00:26,209 --> 00:00:28,210
He's spending Christmas
with dried-up old bones?
8
00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:30,380
Ha-ha-ha. I thought I told you.
9
00:00:30,588 --> 00:00:32,381
She's taking him on
an archaeological tour.
10
00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:33,716
[BOTH LAUGH]
11
00:00:34,342 --> 00:00:36,260
Good Lord, look how late it's gotten.
12
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,512
Don't blame me.
13
00:00:37,679 --> 00:00:41,391
You're the one who spent 20 minutes
looking for that candleholder thing.
14
00:00:41,599 --> 00:00:43,059
No, no. It's a menorah, Roz.
15
00:00:43,226 --> 00:00:45,227
Thought I'd get one for
Frederick for Hanukkah.
16
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:48,356
Oh, right. I completely
forgot Frederick is half Jewish.
17
00:00:48,523 --> 00:00:50,983
Yes, between the Crane boy
genes and Lilith's contribution,
18
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:53,696
I'm not sure the NFL
is holding its breath.
19
00:00:53,904 --> 00:00:56,656
I need to go over to Notions and
try to find something for Calvin,
20
00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,825
-the security guard.
-What are you getting him?
21
00:00:58,909 --> 00:01:01,704
If I knew, I wouldn't be going to Notions.
22
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:05,165
Excuse me. I'd like to get a
gift for that woman I was with.
23
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,751
-How about this sweater right here?
-Excellent choice.
24
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:11,839
I'm not sure of the size. Could you
find me this in a medium? Thank you.
25
00:01:12,047 --> 00:01:14,383
-It's a madhouse in there.
-Roz!
26
00:01:14,591 --> 00:01:16,676
People pushing and
shoving for nose-hair clippers.
27
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,471
Is there a nasal hair
epidemic I don't know about?
28
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,640
-Here's your sweater.
-Oh.
29
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:25,018
-Is he talking to you?
-No, no, no, he's talking to…
30
00:01:25,227 --> 00:01:27,731
-He's talking to me. It's for my niece.
-Oh.
31
00:01:27,897 --> 00:01:30,567
But I'm a bit worried about the size.
32
00:01:30,734 --> 00:01:32,360
She's just about your height.
33
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,988
Do you mind my asking, would this fit you?
34
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,114
-Mm. That's a little big for me.
-Uh-huh.
35
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:40,243
-What about the color? A little blah?
-I like the blue.
36
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:42,870
-I agree. Thank you so much.
-Oh.
37
00:01:42,954 --> 00:01:43,997
[CHUCKLES]
38
00:01:44,164 --> 00:01:46,957
I will take a smaller size in
the blue, and please gift-wrap it.
39
00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:50,545
-Coming right up.
-It looks like Notions has thinned out.
40
00:01:50,712 --> 00:01:53,506
Good. You think Calvin will
like the nose-hair clippers?
41
00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:55,790
I think we can be sure
he doesn't own a pair.
42
00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:59,637
Thank you so much for
bailing me out that way.
43
00:01:59,804 --> 00:02:01,640
My pleasure. Helen.
44
00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:05,019
-Helen? Frasier.
-Not Frasier Crane?
45
00:02:05,186 --> 00:02:06,478
-From the radio show?
-Yes.
46
00:02:06,562 --> 00:02:07,605
Oh-ho-ho.
47
00:02:07,772 --> 00:02:10,899
I listen to you every time I come
to Seattle to visit my daughter Faye.
48
00:02:10,983 --> 00:02:12,276
Well, that's very kind.
49
00:02:12,485 --> 00:02:14,528
You really should know your wife's size.
50
00:02:14,695 --> 00:02:18,240
-Oh, she's not my wife.
-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry.
51
00:02:18,407 --> 00:02:19,909
-It's all right.
-Girlfriend?
52
00:02:20,117 --> 00:02:21,160
[CHUCKLES] No,
53
00:02:21,327 --> 00:02:23,427
I don't have a girlfriend. I'm unattached.
54
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:27,082
Well, I've taken enough of your time.
55
00:02:27,249 --> 00:02:30,252
Although, there is one small
thing you could help me with.
56
00:02:30,419 --> 00:02:32,212
I'm looking for something for my daughter.
57
00:02:32,296 --> 00:02:33,589
Oh, what is it?
58
00:02:33,798 --> 00:02:36,927
-No, I really shouldn't ask you.
-No, no, please.
59
00:02:37,135 --> 00:02:38,762
It's too much of an imposition.
60
00:02:38,929 --> 00:02:41,973
The way you came to my
rescue, I'd be delighted to help you.
61
00:02:42,057 --> 00:02:44,016
What is it you're looking
to get for your daughter?
62
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,479
A date with a nice unattached doctor.
63
00:02:49,147 --> 00:02:52,317
Well, I certainly walked
into that one, didn't I?
64
00:02:52,818 --> 00:02:55,320
It wasn't my first time.
65
00:02:58,824 --> 00:03:00,241
As soon as this woman gets here,
66
00:03:00,325 --> 00:03:02,369
give me five minutes and then call me.
67
00:03:02,577 --> 00:03:05,747
If I am miserable, I will simply say
it's an emergency and excuse myself.
68
00:03:05,831 --> 00:03:07,791
Yes, the ever-valuable escape call.
69
00:03:07,999 --> 00:03:09,710
-Oh, you've done them?
-Oh-ho-ho.
70
00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,921
No, but I've seen them done.
71
00:03:15,591 --> 00:03:17,134
Excuse me, are you Frasier?
72
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:23,641
Faye? Yes, well, hello.
How did you know it was me?
73
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:27,478
You had that horror-stricken look
of someone who's met my mother.
74
00:03:27,687 --> 00:03:29,313
No, please, please. Shall we?
75
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,149
That's sweet of you, but you
don't have to go through with this.
76
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:33,400
I just came to apologize.
77
00:03:33,484 --> 00:03:35,110
No. Why don't you sit down?
78
00:03:35,194 --> 00:03:37,947
Hey, Dr. Crane.
Are you here with your brother?
79
00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:39,740
No, he's on a blind date.
80
00:03:40,825 --> 00:03:42,076
Oh. Heh.
81
00:03:42,577 --> 00:03:45,038
Oh, he is, isn't he? Oh, look at him.
82
00:03:45,205 --> 00:03:46,248
[CHUCKLES]
83
00:03:46,415 --> 00:03:48,208
-I think he fancies her.
-Uh-huh.
84
00:03:48,375 --> 00:03:51,295
You know, it's always so obvious
when a man likes a woman.
85
00:03:51,461 --> 00:03:52,504
[CHUCKLES]
86
00:03:52,671 --> 00:03:55,757
You can just tell by his
awkward body language.
87
00:03:55,924 --> 00:03:57,926
Shifting in his chair, heh,
88
00:03:58,093 --> 00:04:01,305
he doesn't know quite
what to do with his hands.
89
00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:04,224
He's as nervous as a hen.
90
00:04:04,391 --> 00:04:07,144
Oh, for God's sakes, stop fidgeting!
91
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,480
So your mother tells
me that you're a lawyer.
92
00:04:10,564 --> 00:04:11,648
Well, that's typical.
93
00:04:11,815 --> 00:04:15,068
I was a lawyer and I quit two
years ago and now I'm a pastry chef.
94
00:04:15,444 --> 00:04:16,486
-Really?
-Yes.
95
00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:18,239
I work in a French restaurant in town.
96
00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,157
Maybe you've heard of it.
Le Cigare Volant?
97
00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:22,785
It's one of my favorites.
I had dinner there last Friday.
98
00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:24,537
I worked Friday. What did you have?
99
00:04:24,621 --> 00:04:26,413
-The Grand Marnier soufflé.
-I made that!
100
00:04:26,497 --> 00:04:28,165
-It was poetry on a plate.
-Thank you.
101
00:04:28,249 --> 00:04:29,459
[BOTH LAUGH]
102
00:04:29,626 --> 00:04:31,726
You didn't happen to
find my earring in it?
103
00:04:33,588 --> 00:04:35,048
-I'm kidding.
-Oh.
104
00:04:35,214 --> 00:04:36,507
[LAUGHS]
105
00:04:36,674 --> 00:04:40,595
You know, suddenly I'm glad that
your mother is as pushy as she is.
106
00:04:40,762 --> 00:04:43,056
It's funny, though,
you're nothing like her.
107
00:04:43,222 --> 00:04:45,975
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
108
00:04:46,184 --> 00:04:48,311
-Dr. Crane, can I ask a favor?
-Mm-hm.
109
00:04:48,478 --> 00:04:50,479
What are you doing
for the next ten nights?
110
00:04:50,563 --> 00:04:52,483
-Because my…
-Yes.
111
00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:56,069
Excuse me, finish the question.
112
00:04:56,153 --> 00:04:59,698
Well, my neighborhood theater
group is putting on a holiday revue.
113
00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:02,576
We're performing in the common
room of Dr. Crane's building.
114
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,328
-Right downstairs? Ooh.
-Yeah.
115
00:05:04,495 --> 00:05:07,372
Well, we're still looking
for a musical director.
116
00:05:07,456 --> 00:05:10,834
I would never ask you, but they
put me in charge of the whole thing.
117
00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,878
Oh, well, count me in.
118
00:05:13,045 --> 00:05:14,921
Is the show more
religious in tone or secular?
119
00:05:15,005 --> 00:05:16,757
Well, we couldn't quite agree,
120
00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:19,342
-so we ended up with a mixed bag.
-Hm.
121
00:05:19,426 --> 00:05:21,469
We open with the no-room-at-the-inn scene,
122
00:05:21,553 --> 00:05:23,680
then it's a rousing version
of "Jingle Bell Rock,"
123
00:05:23,764 --> 00:05:26,184
a brief medley from
Jesus Christ Superstar.
124
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:30,355
The first act ends with Santa's elves
and the Three Wise Men linking arms
125
00:05:30,522 --> 00:05:33,108
and singing "Frosty the Snowman."
126
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:37,529
Well.
Excuse me, I have to make a phone call.
127
00:05:37,696 --> 00:05:41,741
Of course, I love Boston, but,
well, there's no place like home.
128
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:42,993
[PHONE RINGS]
129
00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:45,078
Excuse me.
130
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,499
Yes, hello? Uh…
131
00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:52,794
No, you know what?
I'll just have to sign those papers later.
132
00:05:53,003 --> 00:05:54,671
Thank you.
133
00:05:56,006 --> 00:05:57,048
Office work.
134
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,927
That was an escape call, wasn't it?
135
00:06:01,303 --> 00:06:02,930
No, what are you talking about?
136
00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:05,975
Come on, it's a blind date.
You wanted a way to back out.
137
00:06:06,183 --> 00:06:08,894
Oh, gosh, you are sharp, aren't you?
How did you know?
138
00:06:09,061 --> 00:06:10,104
[PHONE RINGS]
139
00:06:16,485 --> 00:06:19,530
Well, that would be lovely.
All right, I'll see you soon.
140
00:06:21,365 --> 00:06:24,410
Well, isn't that nice? Faye's dropping by.
141
00:06:24,577 --> 00:06:26,662
You've been seeing a lot of her lately.
142
00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:29,289
Yes.
You know, she really is quite wonderful.
143
00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,416
Thought she was off to
Florida with her mother.
144
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,585
Yes. They're popping by
on the way to the airport.
145
00:06:33,669 --> 00:06:37,466
I guess someone wanted to rack
up a few more frequent Frasier miles.
146
00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:39,176
[LAUGHS]
147
00:06:42,679 --> 00:06:45,264
You don't ever actually say
those things to the woman, do you?
148
00:06:45,348 --> 00:06:47,059
Oh, no, no, no.
149
00:06:49,644 --> 00:06:52,855
-Oh, Dr. Crane, you're here.
-Yes, the show starts in half an hour.
150
00:06:52,939 --> 00:06:54,065
Could you give me a hand?
151
00:06:54,149 --> 00:06:57,527
I still have to sew the chains to Jacob
Marley's tux for the dance number.
152
00:06:57,611 --> 00:06:59,571
-Oh, happy to.
-FRASIER: Jacob Marley?
153
00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:01,489
They're doing A Christmas Carol too?
154
00:07:01,573 --> 00:07:04,743
No, they're not.
They worked him into the Nativity scene.
155
00:07:07,204 --> 00:07:09,999
Hey, Fras, where's a good
spot for Rudolph this year?
156
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:14,378
Dad, please, I thought we had an
agreement about the decorations.
157
00:07:14,587 --> 00:07:16,547
But what's Christmas without Rudolph?
158
00:07:16,756 --> 00:07:18,674
He is not even one
of the original reindeer.
159
00:07:18,758 --> 00:07:20,050
Do the others have a song?
160
00:07:20,134 --> 00:07:21,802
I'm not having this discussion again!
161
00:07:21,886 --> 00:07:23,596
You know I'm right. Forget it.
162
00:07:23,805 --> 00:07:24,847
[DOORBELL RINGS]
163
00:07:25,014 --> 00:07:27,364
I wouldn't want to ruin
your designer Christmas.
164
00:07:29,602 --> 00:07:31,229
-Oh, Faye!
-Hi.
165
00:07:31,395 --> 00:07:34,690
Hi. Good to see you.
Here, let me take your coat.
166
00:07:34,857 --> 00:07:36,567
-Thank you.
-Where's Helen?
167
00:07:36,776 --> 00:07:38,068
She's talking to your doorman.
168
00:07:38,152 --> 00:07:40,154
She's trying to fix him
up with my cousin Janet,
169
00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:41,363
I couldn't bear to watch.
170
00:07:41,447 --> 00:07:42,491
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
171
00:07:42,658 --> 00:07:44,493
I'll just leave that ajar for her.
172
00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:46,620
-Oh, my gosh.
-What?
173
00:07:46,829 --> 00:07:49,414
-You have a wreath.
-Yes, so?
174
00:07:49,623 --> 00:07:53,752
-Aren't you Jewish?
-No. No, why do you ask?
175
00:07:53,961 --> 00:07:57,339
The day we met, my mother
saw you shopping for a menorah.
176
00:07:57,548 --> 00:08:00,300
Yes, for my son. My ex-wife is Jewish.
177
00:08:00,509 --> 00:08:03,762
-Oh, God.
-Is there a problem?
178
00:08:03,971 --> 00:08:06,682
For me, no, but my
mother is another story.
179
00:08:06,849 --> 00:08:10,561
Here I was wondering what we'd talk
about on a seven-hour flight to Miami.
180
00:08:10,727 --> 00:08:12,520
You know what, I can just take this down.
181
00:08:12,604 --> 00:08:15,231
No, I have to stop being
a child about these things.
182
00:08:15,315 --> 00:08:16,567
If she's upset, she's upset.
183
00:08:16,651 --> 00:08:18,319
-How many stopovers do you have?
-Two.
184
00:08:18,403 --> 00:08:20,488
-I'll take it down.
-Thank you.
185
00:08:20,655 --> 00:08:23,616
-I really appreciate you doing this.
-Oh, it's no problem.
186
00:08:23,825 --> 00:08:27,328
Can't believe I'm asking you to
pretend to be Jewish on Christmas Eve.
187
00:08:27,412 --> 00:08:29,914
It's all right.
It probably won't even come up.
188
00:08:30,081 --> 00:08:31,124
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
189
00:08:31,291 --> 00:08:33,250
-HELEN: Hello, Frasier.
-There she is.
190
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:36,337
-Helen! Hi.
-Oh. Oh. Oh.
191
00:08:36,546 --> 00:08:38,464
What a beautiful apartment you have.
192
00:08:38,673 --> 00:08:39,716
[FAYE GASPS]
193
00:08:39,883 --> 00:08:41,217
Thank you very much.
194
00:08:41,467 --> 00:08:43,428
Get out!
195
00:08:44,596 --> 00:08:46,764
-What?
-Of that coat already.
196
00:08:46,931 --> 00:08:47,974
[LAUGHS]
197
00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:58,944
-So, Frasier, you grew up in Seattle?
-Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
198
00:08:59,111 --> 00:09:01,363
-Such a pretty city.
-Yes.
199
00:09:01,572 --> 00:09:03,198
I guess you were bar mitzvahed here.
200
00:09:03,282 --> 00:09:05,034
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
201
00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:09,580
What a proud day that was.
202
00:09:09,788 --> 00:09:13,834
I can still remember
reading from the Torah
203
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:18,130
before the rabbi
204
00:09:19,215 --> 00:09:22,051
and the cantor and the mohel.
205
00:09:22,259 --> 00:09:23,469
The mohel?
206
00:09:25,305 --> 00:09:27,432
The one who did your circumcision?
207
00:09:28,266 --> 00:09:33,104
Yes, yes, I just wanted to show him
that there were no hard feelings. Heh.
208
00:09:36,274 --> 00:09:39,986
-Niles!
-Hello, all. You must be Faye.
209
00:09:40,195 --> 00:09:41,995
And I'm her mother, Helen Moskowitz.
210
00:09:42,155 --> 00:09:44,157
-I'm Frasier's brother, Niles.
-Yes.
211
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,491
What happened to the…
212
00:09:45,575 --> 00:09:47,535
Moskowitz family that lived down the hall?
They moved.
213
00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:49,203
Why don't you help me in the kitchen?
214
00:09:49,287 --> 00:09:51,122
I'm about to pour everybody a drink.
215
00:09:52,290 --> 00:09:53,750
What's going on?
216
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:56,252
Faye's mother thinks that we're Jewish.
Just play along.
217
00:09:56,336 --> 00:09:59,840
Okay. Why?
218
00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:03,636
Well, it's important to Faye,
Faye is important to me.
219
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,555
-You think you can pull it off?
-No problem. Oh, ham.
220
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:10,643
Niles. Please.
221
00:10:10,851 --> 00:10:13,312
We've got to find a time
to tell Dad about this.
222
00:10:13,521 --> 00:10:16,023
-You mean Papa.
-Stop it.
223
00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:18,216
-Wait, Frasier.
-What?
224
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,735
-Is that for Helen?
-Yes.
225
00:10:19,944 --> 00:10:21,821
What if she's expecting Jewish wine?
226
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:25,282
-I don't have that on hand.
-That's all right. It's easy enough.
227
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:27,866
It's just like regular
wine, plus a little of this.
228
00:10:31,914 --> 00:10:33,709
Try that.
229
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,212
-It's dreadful. Ugh.
-Perfect.
230
00:10:39,298 --> 00:10:43,218
-Here we are.
-Oh, thank you.
231
00:10:43,385 --> 00:10:46,388
Who has a nice toast? Niles?
232
00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:48,557
Oh, all right.
233
00:10:49,099 --> 00:10:51,184
[SPEAKING IN YIDDISH]
234
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:57,232
Next year in Jerusalem.
235
00:10:58,608 --> 00:11:01,069
Take it down a notch, Tevye.
236
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,780
Hey, Fras, since it's the night before…
237
00:11:03,989 --> 00:11:05,990
-BOTH: Dad!
-Oh, great.
238
00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:08,953
Would it be a crime for somebody
to tell me we had guests?
239
00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:12,248
I'm Marty Crane. I'm Frasier's dad.
Although you'd never guess it
240
00:11:12,415 --> 00:11:15,668
from the way I'm treated like a
second-class citizen around here.
241
00:11:15,752 --> 00:11:19,839
But, as long as Frasier's happy,
why should my feelings matter?
242
00:11:20,048 --> 00:11:22,717
Niles, why don't you go
help Dad in the kitchen?
243
00:11:22,925 --> 00:11:25,177
Well, all right, but he'll
probably just kvetch at me
244
00:11:25,261 --> 00:11:27,304
-and frankly, I don't need the tsuris.
-Niles!
245
00:11:27,388 --> 00:11:28,556
[MOUTHING]
246
00:11:33,978 --> 00:11:35,271
I don't know how to be Jewish.
247
00:11:35,355 --> 00:11:36,939
Just answer questions with a question.
248
00:11:37,023 --> 00:11:38,983
-Like what?
-I have to explain everything?
249
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:42,028
-Can't you give me an example?
-What, I should give you an example?
250
00:11:42,112 --> 00:11:43,280
You gonna help me or not?
251
00:11:43,364 --> 00:11:46,116
-You're saying I'm not being helpful?
-Oh, forget it!
252
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,790
So, Marty, both your sons are doctors.
How'd you work that out?
253
00:11:52,998 --> 00:11:57,294
I have no idea…do I?
254
00:12:00,631 --> 00:12:04,259
Well, I just got the phone
call every producer dreads.
255
00:12:04,468 --> 00:12:07,304
-What is it?
-Someone's dropping out of the show.
256
00:12:08,430 --> 00:12:10,932
You don't suppose you could
take over one of the roles?
257
00:12:11,016 --> 00:12:13,227
I don't see why not. I know all the songs.
258
00:12:13,435 --> 00:12:15,729
-Wonderful.
-It was nice meeting you both.
259
00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:18,274
Likewise. We're leaving too.
Could you send the elevator back up?
260
00:12:18,358 --> 00:12:20,318
-We'll be right down.
-Happy to.
261
00:12:20,402 --> 00:12:21,861
-So who dropped out?
-Mr. Blanchard.
262
00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:23,154
[SPEAKS IN YIDDISH]
263
00:12:24,781 --> 00:12:27,074
It's been great spending
some time with the two of you.
264
00:12:27,158 --> 00:12:28,659
I wish you could stay longer.
265
00:12:28,743 --> 00:12:31,413
Well, actually, we can.
I just called the airline.
266
00:12:31,579 --> 00:12:33,164
The plane is delayed an hour.
267
00:12:33,706 --> 00:12:35,500
Well, isn't that good news? Ha-ha!
268
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,767
-You know, I hate to be forward,
-Mm-hmm.
269
00:12:37,919 --> 00:12:41,922
But I'd love to taste whatever
smells so wonderful in that kitchen.
270
00:12:42,006 --> 00:12:44,759
I would love to give you a
taste, except it isn't done.
271
00:12:44,926 --> 00:12:45,969
[BELL DINGS]
272
00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:50,683
Well, more good news!
273
00:12:53,894 --> 00:12:56,563
I don't know how much longer
we can continue this charade.
274
00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:59,358
When Dad started to talk
about working on his own car,
275
00:12:59,525 --> 00:13:01,652
I thought we were goners.
276
00:13:01,819 --> 00:13:04,237
We only have to keep it
up another half an hour.
277
00:13:04,321 --> 00:13:06,574
Actually, I think I have an idea.
278
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,784
-Go out there.
-Okay.
279
00:13:08,993 --> 00:13:11,078
I don't know what it is with that brisket.
280
00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:12,455
It won't cook through.
281
00:13:12,663 --> 00:13:14,915
-I could take a look.
-No, no, we don't have the time.
282
00:13:14,999 --> 00:13:17,126
I just got off the
phone with the airlines.
283
00:13:17,293 --> 00:13:19,628
They pushed the flights back up.
We have to get going.
284
00:13:19,712 --> 00:13:21,422
Oh, really? Eh. All right.
285
00:13:21,589 --> 00:13:23,424
Gosh, I wish you could stay longer.
286
00:13:23,591 --> 00:13:26,928
It's just that I'd hate to have
you be late for your plane. Ha-ha!
287
00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:30,474
-Hello, sir.
-On the other hand, you know,
288
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,725
you can't leave until
you've seen the apartment.
289
00:13:32,809 --> 00:13:34,560
-What?
-Let's start in the bedroom.
290
00:13:34,644 --> 00:13:35,770
There's plenty of time.
291
00:13:35,854 --> 00:13:36,897
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
292
00:13:37,063 --> 00:13:39,690
Dad, could you see who that is,
make sure they come back later?
293
00:13:39,774 --> 00:13:43,987
Whatever you want, Frasier, as usual.
294
00:13:47,282 --> 00:13:49,659
-Hello, sir. Let me wish you a merry…
-Shh-shh!
295
00:13:49,743 --> 00:13:51,202
Bring that back in an hour.
296
00:13:51,286 --> 00:13:54,456
No way. It's Christmas Eve and
I've got a full truck downstairs.
297
00:13:54,623 --> 00:13:57,125
-Where do you want it?
-Oh, jeez, I don't know.
298
00:13:57,292 --> 00:14:00,922
You know, a lot of people
put them in their living rooms.
299
00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:02,798
Oh, here, put it in the bathroom.
300
00:14:02,882 --> 00:14:03,966
-In the bathroom?
-Yeah.
301
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:06,469
-Okay.
-Just put it in, all right?
302
00:14:16,103 --> 00:14:18,189
[SNIFFING]
303
00:14:18,397 --> 00:14:19,440
[SNEEZES]
304
00:14:20,983 --> 00:14:23,986
-All right, come on, quick.
-Okay. Heh.
305
00:14:24,153 --> 00:14:27,281
-You have, you know, a mer…
-Shut up. Get out.
306
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:31,619
-That's a beautiful bedroom.
-Oh, thank you very much.
307
00:14:31,786 --> 00:14:34,498
I noticed you were sort of quiet, Faye.
308
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,125
Almost as though you'd
been in there before, huh?
309
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,671
Oh, yeah, I have, Ma, but I
was drunk and it was dark.
310
00:14:40,837 --> 00:14:42,130
I don't remember so much.
311
00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:43,340
[CHUCKLES]
312
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:46,260
You see how she talks to her mother?
313
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,595
Jesus!
314
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,100
I'll tell you what.
315
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:56,269
I just realized that you haven't
seen the beautiful balcony.
316
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:59,253
Dad, would you do the honors
and I'll check on the brisket?
317
00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:00,566
What is going on?
318
00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:03,568
The man who does the number from
Jesus Christ Superstar can't go on.
319
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:06,154
He slipped in the shower.
Man could walk on water, but no…
320
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,782
Yes, it's dripping with irony.
321
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,201
Niles, what are you doing here?
322
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,245
The minute I got within ten feet
of the hay for the manger scene,
323
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,873
my allergies kicked in.
I left my nasal spray here.
324
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,334
I'm sorry, but you've
got to get the hell out!
325
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,588
-Is that kind of language appropriate?
-Oh, just shut up!
326
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:28,011
Would you believe it?
It's still pink in the middle.
327
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:32,849
By the time my brisket's done,
my kugel will be dry as the Sinai.
328
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:48,657
It certainly is beautiful, but
now I think we're cutting it close.
329
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:51,076
Yes, you know, you're quite right.
330
00:15:51,243 --> 00:15:53,078
We can continue the tour at another time.
331
00:15:53,162 --> 00:15:54,496
Let me walk you to the door.
332
00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:57,833
Thank you so much, Frasier.
You're a wonderful host.
333
00:15:58,042 --> 00:15:59,084
Oh, well.
334
00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:02,420
You know, maybe I should go
to the powder room before we go.
335
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,049
Oh, here, allow me.
336
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,473
Ah!
337
00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,643
What is going on?
338
00:16:15,851 --> 00:16:18,396
Helen, I am so terribly sorry.
339
00:16:18,605 --> 00:16:19,648
[KNOCKING]
340
00:16:21,066 --> 00:16:23,616
I'll let you all sort this out.
I really have to go.
341
00:16:23,735 --> 00:16:26,488
I understand. This is your busy time.
342
00:16:31,743 --> 00:16:34,829
Ma, Frasier's not Jewish.
343
00:16:35,038 --> 00:16:37,206
I told them to pretend
so you wouldn't freak out.
344
00:16:37,290 --> 00:16:41,711
What? You think I care?
You can date anyone you want.
345
00:16:41,878 --> 00:16:42,921
Since when?
346
00:16:43,088 --> 00:16:45,381
I can't believe you're
embarrassing me like this.
347
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:47,049
You embarrass me on an hourly basis.
348
00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:48,801
I embarrass you? Are you hearing this?
349
00:16:48,885 --> 00:16:51,138
You know, maybe we should
just give you your privacy.
350
00:16:51,222 --> 00:16:53,557
No one leaves. You see?
351
00:16:53,766 --> 00:16:56,268
You are making them
uncomfortable in their own home.
352
00:16:56,352 --> 00:16:58,145
You could have trusted me to understand.
353
00:16:58,229 --> 00:17:00,147
All I want is for you to be happy.
354
00:17:00,314 --> 00:17:03,164
As long as I'm happy in the
life that you pick out for me.
355
00:17:03,317 --> 00:17:06,112
Excuse me for being a terrible mother.
356
00:17:06,278 --> 00:17:08,030
All I do is care.
357
00:17:08,239 --> 00:17:09,699
Oh, here it comes, the guilt.
358
00:17:09,865 --> 00:17:12,451
Just because I don't want
you controlling my whole life.
359
00:17:12,535 --> 00:17:15,985
What do you want me to do about
it, cut myself out of it? You hate me?
360
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,790
Sometimes, I do hate you!
361
00:17:17,957 --> 00:17:18,999
[GASPS]
362
00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:20,251
Oh.
363
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:21,836
[BOTH GASP]
364
00:17:23,671 --> 00:17:24,715
[BOTH SOBBING]
365
00:17:24,881 --> 00:17:27,718
I'm sorry, Ma. I shouldn't have said that.
366
00:17:27,926 --> 00:17:33,598
Why not? I am too involved.
It's because you're all I have.
367
00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:35,976
But you can't keep running my life.
368
00:17:36,184 --> 00:17:40,355
-Maybe we should just…
-Sit. We're nearly done.
369
00:17:44,693 --> 00:17:46,903
I have been smothering you.
370
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:48,905
Maybe it's time I learned to let you go.
371
00:17:48,989 --> 00:17:50,114
I don't wanna be let go.
372
00:17:50,198 --> 00:17:52,576
I want you in my
life, just not running it.
373
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:58,123
-I do love you, Mom.
-Oh, baby. I love you too.
374
00:18:01,335 --> 00:18:03,129
Mm.
375
00:18:03,337 --> 00:18:05,840
-Well, we should go.
-Right.
376
00:18:08,426 --> 00:18:13,556
Oh, thank you for a lovely visit.
Enjoy your holiday.
377
00:18:14,056 --> 00:18:17,184
-I am so sorry about all this.
-Oh, that's all right. That's all right.
378
00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:18,686
Call me when you get back.
379
00:18:18,895 --> 00:18:19,937
[FRASIER CHUCKLES]
380
00:18:22,899 --> 00:18:24,650
Good night.
381
00:18:25,985 --> 00:18:28,654
-Boy, that was something.
-It certainly was.
382
00:18:28,863 --> 00:18:31,615
Yeah, we've had a couple
squabbles today, but nothing like that.
383
00:18:31,699 --> 00:18:32,742
[CHUCKLES] No way.
384
00:18:32,909 --> 00:18:34,577
[BOTH LAUGH]
385
00:18:34,661 --> 00:18:37,038
Maybe I should get that
Christmas tree out of the bathroom.
386
00:18:37,122 --> 00:18:40,459
Yeah, right. One minute, they're
talking about one little problem,
387
00:18:40,626 --> 00:18:43,337
then suddenly, it's everything else.
388
00:18:43,545 --> 00:18:46,131
Then it gets all emotional and messy,
389
00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:50,093
and then they're hugging
and then it's all over.
390
00:18:50,302 --> 00:18:52,429
I suppose that's the
healthiest way to go about it.
391
00:18:52,513 --> 00:18:55,098
Yeah, yeah. I guess you
can't keep that stuff bottled up.
392
00:18:55,182 --> 00:18:57,267
No, you sit on it, you just
get madder and madder.
393
00:18:57,351 --> 00:18:59,144
Yeah, best thing is lay it on the line.
394
00:18:59,228 --> 00:19:00,354
-Exactly.
-Yeah.
395
00:19:00,521 --> 00:19:04,817
Frasier, I want my
Rudolph out for Christmas.
396
00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:08,112
-What, this again?
-It's just not Christmas without it.
397
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:11,240
Dad, we had an agreement about
the Christmas decorations this year.
398
00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:14,953
Yeah, but your Christmas stinks!
I mean, you call that a tree?
399
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,957
Would it kill you to have a tasteful
Christmas just once in your life?
400
00:19:19,165 --> 00:19:20,750
Every year, we do Christmas your way.
401
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:23,502
And you have things your way
every damn day! I mean, look at it.
402
00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:26,172
There's nothing of mine around
this place except for my chair.
403
00:19:26,256 --> 00:19:28,507
And you've taken potshots
at that right from the start
404
00:19:28,591 --> 00:19:31,010
because it doesn't fit in with
your froufrou knickknacks.
405
00:19:31,094 --> 00:19:33,095
Right, go ahead, ridicule everything I do.
406
00:19:33,179 --> 00:19:35,056
The way I eat, the way I decorate.
407
00:19:35,223 --> 00:19:37,224
Do you have any idea
how that makes me feel?
408
00:19:37,308 --> 00:19:39,727
Know how it makes me feel
to live like a guest in my home?
409
00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:42,105
I do everything to make you
feel welcome in this house,
410
00:19:42,189 --> 00:19:43,690
but nothing I do is good enough!
411
00:19:43,774 --> 00:19:46,276
Strange way to make me feel
welcome, taking Christmas away.
412
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,904
The one time of the year
when I get to do things my way,
413
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,491
like it used to be in our home, with
your mother and when you were kids.
414
00:19:52,575 --> 00:19:54,159
You know, that's a nice memory for me.
415
00:19:54,243 --> 00:19:56,745
You'd think, as a psychiatrist,
you'd figure that out.
416
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,830
Oh, fine.
Now, I'm not even a good psychiatrist.
417
00:19:58,914 --> 00:20:00,749
I'm just a big, fat letdown, aren't I?
418
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,584
I'm a burden to you. I hate living here.
419
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,962
And I hate you living here.
420
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,256
[BOTH SOBBING]
421
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,467
-Oh, my God.
-Jeez.
422
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,554
-Oh, God, I feel terrible.
-So do I.
423
00:20:13,762 --> 00:20:16,433
They were hugging by now.
424
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:21,605
We never should have tried this.
We're not Jewish.
425
00:20:23,064 --> 00:20:26,276
Maybe Mrs. Shapiro next
door can talk us through it.
426
00:20:26,484 --> 00:20:29,321
-She's out of town.
-Oh, no.
427
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,824
I'm sorry.
I never should have said what I said.
428
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:36,453
Oh, Dad, no, I should have been
more sensitive. I am a psychiatrist.
429
00:20:36,620 --> 00:20:39,205
And you're a damned good one,
too, and I'm very proud of you.
430
00:20:39,289 --> 00:20:40,498
-Really?
-Yes.
431
00:20:40,665 --> 00:20:43,418
Oh, Dad, I didn't mean
any of the things I said.
432
00:20:43,585 --> 00:20:45,295
I love having you here.
433
00:20:45,503 --> 00:20:47,453
Well, I love being here. I always have.
434
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:48,673
Honestly?
435
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:51,385
Well, no, but I thought
it'd get us to the hug.
436
00:20:52,178 --> 00:20:53,346
All right, let's try.