1 00:00:04,886 --> 00:00:07,930 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,515 --> 00:00:12,975 MAN: Anyway, Doc, I got this thing. It's got to do with women. 3 00:00:13,059 --> 00:00:15,770 Well, I sense you're having trouble finding Ms. Right? 4 00:00:15,854 --> 00:00:17,105 What, are you nuts? 5 00:00:17,189 --> 00:00:19,107 I meet Ms. Right most every night. 6 00:00:19,191 --> 00:00:21,859 Eager young college girls, tough career women 7 00:00:21,943 --> 00:00:24,570 hungry for a little R&R, if you know what I'm saying. 8 00:00:24,654 --> 00:00:27,865 Well, you're leaving precious little room for misinterpretation. 9 00:00:27,949 --> 00:00:29,951 But I sense, despite these frequent dalliances, 10 00:00:30,035 --> 00:00:32,203 that you are… you are still not truly happy. 11 00:00:32,287 --> 00:00:33,579 Well, sure I am. 12 00:00:33,663 --> 00:00:36,750 It's just that I lost a pinkie ring at one of their houses… 13 00:00:39,293 --> 00:00:41,294 Star sapphire, beautiful thing. 14 00:00:41,378 --> 00:00:43,630 I figured if I went public with it on your show, 15 00:00:43,714 --> 00:00:45,964 I had a pretty good chance of getting it back. 16 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:51,304 Well, Vinnie, it's obvious you know nothing about this show 17 00:00:51,388 --> 00:00:54,099 or how to treat women, but even more appalling, 18 00:00:54,183 --> 00:00:56,602 you know even less about jewelry. 19 00:00:58,103 --> 00:01:01,690 A pinkie no more needs a ring than a neck needs a gold medallion. 20 00:01:02,608 --> 00:01:05,401 -Just shoot me, why don't you? -I'd be delighted. 21 00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:09,120 We'll be right back after this. 22 00:01:10,448 --> 00:01:11,699 Hi, Dr. Crane. 23 00:01:13,326 --> 00:01:14,910 He's driving me crazy. 24 00:01:14,994 --> 00:01:16,996 Well, Roz, we can't all choose our admirers. 25 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,498 Oh, this has gone way beyond the admiring stage. 26 00:01:19,582 --> 00:01:21,709 Have you seen this petition he's got going around? 27 00:01:21,793 --> 00:01:23,627 -FRASIER: No. -Hi, Dr. Crane. 28 00:01:23,711 --> 00:01:27,882 Did you sign this petition someone anonymously posted in the lunch room? 29 00:01:27,966 --> 00:01:33,262 It's to the talented producers of Star Trek, suggesting a new character. 30 00:01:33,971 --> 00:01:38,517 "The all-powerful space vixen, Rozalinda… 31 00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,188 "Four-breasted queen…" 32 00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:46,984 Of the planet Rozniak." 33 00:01:48,569 --> 00:01:49,570 I'll sign that. 34 00:01:51,488 --> 00:01:52,572 Frasier! 35 00:01:52,656 --> 00:01:56,992 Well, Roz, television will never improve unless the viewers speak out. 36 00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:59,077 Thanks. I better go. 37 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,455 Well, live long and prosper. 38 00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:02,582 Oh, just go. 39 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,084 I am the joke of the station. 40 00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:08,879 When I used to come in in the morning, the guard would say, "Morning, Roz." 41 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:11,257 Now it's, "All hail, Rozalinda." 42 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,052 Roz, I think you should be flattered. Noel's attempt to immortalize you is… 43 00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:18,597 Is akin to a love poem written by Robert Browning to his wife. 44 00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:21,683 Did he ever write a poem where he gave her two extra breasts? 45 00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:26,229 Well, I'd have to check my English Lit notes, but I think not, no. 46 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,689 [PHONE RINGING] 47 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,526 Hello? Yes. 48 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,737 Niles, Niles, slow down. I can hardly understand you. 49 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,656 -What is it? -Maris is missing! 50 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,366 What? 51 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,785 No, I don't think you should drag the koi pond. 52 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,914 I'll be right over. All right, just hang tight. 53 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,791 -Roz, how much time left in the show? -No, you go, do whatever you have to do. 54 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:49,835 -I'll handle things here. -Are you sure you can manage? 55 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:54,256 If I can nurse quadruplets and still find time to rule Rozniak, I can do anything. 56 00:03:00,679 --> 00:03:03,181 -FRASIER: All right, what's going on? -MARTIN: Maris is really gone. 57 00:03:03,265 --> 00:03:04,933 I'm on the phone with the station right now. 58 00:03:05,017 --> 00:03:07,477 Apparently she just vanished. No note, nothing. 59 00:03:07,561 --> 00:03:08,812 [DOOR OPENS] 60 00:03:08,896 --> 00:03:11,189 -Oh, Frasier, thank God you're here. -Niles… 61 00:03:11,273 --> 00:03:12,565 Any news, Dr. Crane? 62 00:03:12,649 --> 00:03:16,443 No, no, I asked the neighbors if they'd seen any strange cars in the neighborhood. 63 00:03:16,527 --> 00:03:18,947 One reported spotting something called a minivan. 64 00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,577 But that was weeks ago. 65 00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:27,913 Well, there's no need to panic, Niles. 66 00:03:27,997 --> 00:03:30,541 -I'm sure she's all right. -DAPHNE: Oh, dear me. 67 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:32,626 I don't want to alarm you, Dr. Crane, 68 00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:35,296 but I'm getting a very strong vibration off this. 69 00:03:37,255 --> 00:03:39,299 -Oh, dear God. -I can see Mrs. Crane. 70 00:03:39,383 --> 00:03:43,303 She's waving this poker around and screaming, "You thief! 71 00:03:43,387 --> 00:03:45,555 Get out! You'll never get away with this!" 72 00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:48,808 Wait! No, I remember. That's what she said to the decorator 73 00:03:48,892 --> 00:03:51,342 when he tried to double bill her for the andirons. 74 00:03:52,729 --> 00:03:56,024 I was wondering why the intruder was wearing toreador pants. 75 00:03:57,359 --> 00:03:58,902 Yeah, Mike, I'm still here. 76 00:03:58,986 --> 00:04:01,779 Yeah, that's right. She's been missing three days. 77 00:04:01,863 --> 00:04:02,863 Excuse me. 78 00:04:04,073 --> 00:04:07,473 She's been missing for three days and you're just panic-stricken now? 79 00:04:08,619 --> 00:04:10,162 Well, I only just realized it. 80 00:04:15,543 --> 00:04:18,545 The last two nights I knocked on Maris' bedroom door to wish her good night, 81 00:04:18,629 --> 00:04:20,088 and I was greeted with a chilly silence. 82 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,591 So naturally I assumed everything was status quo. 83 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,388 Uh, thin, make that very thin. 84 00:04:29,556 --> 00:04:32,976 Caucasian, very Caucasian. 85 00:04:34,394 --> 00:04:37,271 Oh, God, what could be happening to her? 86 00:04:37,355 --> 00:04:39,357 Oh, wait, wait, you got something? Okay. 87 00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:41,817 Uh-huh, okay. 88 00:04:41,901 --> 00:04:43,653 Mike ran a check on Maris' credit cards. 89 00:04:43,737 --> 00:04:45,488 There's been a whole bunch of charges in New York. 90 00:04:45,572 --> 00:04:48,324 Oh, God, she's been kidnapped. Someone's using her credit cards. 91 00:04:48,408 --> 00:04:50,201 Yeah, okay, yeah, all right, slow down. 92 00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:53,455 Armani, Valentino, 93 00:04:54,538 --> 00:04:57,415 Cartier, Tiffany… 94 00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:59,125 -Any restaurants? -Any restaurants? 95 00:04:59,209 --> 00:05:00,835 -Not a one. -She's alive! 96 00:05:00,919 --> 00:05:02,963 Oh, Niles! 97 00:05:03,881 --> 00:05:05,924 -You're certain? -Oh, yes. 98 00:05:06,008 --> 00:05:07,968 From that list she's recreating her infamous 99 00:05:08,052 --> 00:05:10,345 "Sakes Alive, I'm Thirty-five" shopping spree. 100 00:05:10,429 --> 00:05:13,306 Okay, Mike, thanks a lot. Yeah. I owe you. Bye. 101 00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:15,934 -Oh, Dr. Crane, I'm so relieved. -Oh, so am I. 102 00:05:16,018 --> 00:05:17,811 And I'm exhausted. 103 00:05:17,895 --> 00:05:20,396 I… I was so scared. 104 00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:25,651 Frasier? What's wrong? 105 00:05:26,402 --> 00:05:29,029 You look positively uncelebratory. 106 00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:30,615 Aren't you glad Maris is okay? 107 00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:32,617 Of course I am. 108 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:34,702 It's just that, 109 00:05:35,953 --> 00:05:37,997 well, here you are all panic-stricken and scared to death, 110 00:05:38,081 --> 00:05:40,249 and she's off on some shopping trip. 111 00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,502 Don't you find that the least bit upsetting? 112 00:05:44,212 --> 00:05:47,797 Yes, I suppose her behavior was a tad inconsiderate. 113 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,174 She left without so much as a note or a phone call. 114 00:05:50,258 --> 00:05:51,509 Frasier, stay out of this. 115 00:05:51,593 --> 00:05:53,553 -It's between Niles and his wife. -FRASIER: I'm sorry. 116 00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:56,556 This is not the first time we've experienced Maris' selfish behavior. 117 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,349 She always puts her needs above his. 118 00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:01,894 She never attends family functions. Doesn't that make you angry? 119 00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:05,398 Well, over the years I've learned to accept Maris' eccentricities. 120 00:06:05,482 --> 00:06:08,776 Oh, she's not being eccentric. She's being arrogant and selfish. 121 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,902 If he says he's not angry, he's not angry. 122 00:06:10,986 --> 00:06:12,696 Even if I were angry, what would you have me do? 123 00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:14,072 -Let it out! -I am letting it out. 124 00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,241 I'm getting hives. 125 00:06:17,868 --> 00:06:20,370 Well, that is a triumph of self-expression. 126 00:06:20,454 --> 00:06:22,998 My God, man, why don't you just let out some of the words 127 00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:24,124 that you're dying to say… 128 00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:27,920 Oh, God, I am so sick of you and your relentless psycho-babble! 129 00:06:28,546 --> 00:06:29,755 Aha! 130 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,965 You're not angry at me. That was directed at Maris. 131 00:06:32,049 --> 00:06:34,176 Nope, that was for you. This is for Maris. 132 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,552 Whoa! Okay, all right, Niles. 133 00:06:36,636 --> 00:06:38,846 -Now you got it out of your system. -Yes, but it felt so good. 134 00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,890 -Let me do one more. -All right, Niles, this is good. 135 00:06:40,974 --> 00:06:42,767 This is healthy. But you've got to channel it. 136 00:06:42,851 --> 00:06:44,560 You must talk to Maris. 137 00:06:44,644 --> 00:06:48,273 Oh, no, wait! That's beautiful. Here, this one's hideous. 138 00:06:48,982 --> 00:06:51,567 Hey, I gave him that for a wedding present. 139 00:06:51,651 --> 00:06:52,861 Oh, all right, here. 140 00:06:53,987 --> 00:06:55,654 -Dios mío! -What? 141 00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,907 Oh, Marta, this feels wonderful. 142 00:06:57,991 --> 00:06:59,868 Oh, you must try it. 143 00:07:04,788 --> 00:07:06,415 I meant at your house. 144 00:07:09,209 --> 00:07:11,836 -My God, it's Maris! -What? What? Maris? 145 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,254 You said she was in New York! 146 00:07:13,338 --> 00:07:15,424 [ALL CHATTERING] 147 00:07:15,924 --> 00:07:18,802 All right, all right, no one panic. 148 00:07:18,886 --> 00:07:21,221 There's an easy solution to this. Frasier, bash me on the head. 149 00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:24,855 -We'll tell Maris there was a break-in. -Niles, stop it. Just stop it! 150 00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:27,142 God, you are the damaged party here, not Maris. 151 00:07:27,226 --> 00:07:28,560 But… But… But the mess! 152 00:07:28,644 --> 00:07:32,898 This mess is the physical manifestation of years of repressed anger. 153 00:07:32,982 --> 00:07:37,069 It's time to draw a line in the sand and say, "I have had enough!" 154 00:07:37,153 --> 00:07:40,198 My God, man! Show her your mess! 155 00:07:47,455 --> 00:07:48,622 You're right. 156 00:07:48,706 --> 00:07:51,208 It's time I told Maris I will not tolerate this behavior. 157 00:07:51,292 --> 00:07:53,960 I'm going up there and I'm going to demand an apology. 158 00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:55,045 Good for you! 159 00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:00,717 I always hated that dynasty. 160 00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:07,765 -How are you feeling, Mr. Crane? -I'm fine. I wish you'd quit asking me. 161 00:08:07,849 --> 00:08:10,643 Well, it's a reasonable question for a man who just ate a cut of prime rib 162 00:08:10,727 --> 00:08:11,895 the size of a hat box. 163 00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:13,938 Well, whose fault's that? 164 00:08:14,022 --> 00:08:16,649 You're the one who was too embarrassed to walk out with a doggie bag. 165 00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:19,568 For what it cost, that meat was coming with me, one way or another. 166 00:08:19,652 --> 00:08:21,153 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 167 00:08:23,113 --> 00:08:25,282 Goodness, we've been gone three hours. 168 00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:27,409 Probably have a dog with a full bladder in there. 169 00:08:27,493 --> 00:08:28,827 Lord, let's hope so. 170 00:08:36,335 --> 00:08:38,336 Hey, Daph, how do you feel about taking him for a walk? 171 00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:40,630 I just wanna get in there and unbuckle my pants. 172 00:08:40,714 --> 00:08:42,883 Since I wasn't allowed to at the restaurant. 173 00:08:44,008 --> 00:08:47,178 Oh, sure, we all know how Eddie needs his exercise. 174 00:08:47,262 --> 00:08:49,180 We wouldn't want all that fatty meat he eats 175 00:08:49,264 --> 00:08:52,141 clogging up his aging arteries until his poor old heart gives out. 176 00:08:52,225 --> 00:08:56,479 Oh, and why don't you pick up some half-and-half at the corner store, too? 177 00:08:57,522 --> 00:08:59,190 Get moving, old man. 178 00:09:05,029 --> 00:09:05,989 There you are! 179 00:09:06,781 --> 00:09:07,657 Niles! 180 00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:14,579 Sorry to startle you. I let myself in. Want a beer? 181 00:09:15,539 --> 00:09:16,748 No. 182 00:09:18,417 --> 00:09:21,628 I have to thank you for putting me in touch with my anger. 183 00:09:21,712 --> 00:09:26,216 I had no idea how therapeutic it was to just pick something up and smash it. 184 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:39,478 Well, you're welcome, Niles, but, um, how did things go with Maris? 185 00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:40,438 Oh! 186 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,904 I marched into her room and demanded an explanation. 187 00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:52,658 It seems that over lunch with her garden club Maris heard 188 00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:55,327 that the new couture lines had arrived in New York. 189 00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:59,039 So she hied her way to the airport, and in her haste, she forgot to leave me a note. 190 00:09:59,123 --> 00:10:02,333 -Unbelievable! -Just thinking about it makes me furious! 191 00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,501 -Really? -Yes. 192 00:10:12,135 --> 00:10:16,138 So I told her, "Maris, you are inconsiderate. 193 00:10:16,222 --> 00:10:20,810 And when you are ready to apologize, I can be reached at Frasier's." 194 00:10:20,894 --> 00:10:22,728 Then I stormed out and slammed the door. 195 00:10:22,812 --> 00:10:25,438 Of course, it was that 14th-century Bavarian cathedral door, 196 00:10:25,522 --> 00:10:28,572 so I had to get two of the servants to help me slam it, but… 197 00:10:29,568 --> 00:10:32,529 What it lacked in spontaneity, it made up for in resonance. 198 00:10:34,031 --> 00:10:36,616 Well, Niles, you know I'm not usually one to toot my own horn, 199 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,868 but I think in this case I was on the mark. 200 00:10:38,952 --> 00:10:41,621 -Feel good, don't you? -I feel great! 201 00:10:41,705 --> 00:10:44,040 -Feel empowered. -So empowered. 202 00:10:44,124 --> 00:10:45,792 You'd like to switch to wine now, wouldn't you? 203 00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,002 Oh, please. 204 00:10:48,545 --> 00:10:50,546 [PHONE RINGS] 205 00:10:51,923 --> 00:10:52,840 Hello? 206 00:10:52,924 --> 00:10:54,425 Oh, hello, Maris. 207 00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:56,010 Yes, Niles is here. 208 00:10:56,844 --> 00:10:58,221 I'll see if he's available. 209 00:11:05,228 --> 00:11:06,229 Hello, Maris. 210 00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:10,190 Well, I know you're not used to me speaking to you that way. 211 00:11:10,274 --> 00:11:12,693 That's rather the point. Wouldn't you agree? 212 00:11:12,777 --> 00:11:13,694 Ah. Uh-huh. 213 00:11:13,778 --> 00:11:14,987 I see. 214 00:11:15,946 --> 00:11:17,155 Well, thank you. 215 00:11:17,239 --> 00:11:20,367 I know this was a very difficult call for you to make. Goodbye. 216 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,204 She wants a divorce. 217 00:11:36,258 --> 00:11:37,925 It's no use. She still won't talk to me. 218 00:11:38,009 --> 00:11:41,262 Oh, just give her time to cool off. Call her again in the morning. 219 00:11:41,346 --> 00:11:43,472 You must be exhausted, Niles. 220 00:11:44,974 --> 00:11:47,474 Why don't you call it a day and get some rest, huh? 221 00:11:48,644 --> 00:11:49,728 Do you have a blanket for me? 222 00:11:49,812 --> 00:11:52,272 No, now, Niles, you've been going through a rough time lately. 223 00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:55,568 You're not sleeping on any couch. You can sleep in Frasier's bed. 224 00:11:58,446 --> 00:11:59,279 What? 225 00:11:59,363 --> 00:12:01,198 -It wouldn't be too much trouble? -No trouble. 226 00:12:01,282 --> 00:12:04,242 -I wouldn't want to impose. -No, don't worry about it. You're family. 227 00:12:04,326 --> 00:12:05,327 Thank you. 228 00:12:10,165 --> 00:12:12,083 Well, that was very generous of you. 229 00:12:12,625 --> 00:12:15,044 It's the least you can do after you get him kicked out of the house. 230 00:12:15,128 --> 00:12:16,962 Dad, I was just trying to do what was right for him. 231 00:12:17,046 --> 00:12:20,299 Well, trust me, I handled domestic disputes for 30 years. 232 00:12:20,383 --> 00:12:22,927 The first rule is: "Don't take sides." 233 00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:25,221 It's just difficult when it happens to be your own brother. 234 00:12:25,305 --> 00:12:26,597 That's the second rule. 235 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:30,281 When it's your own family, keep your nose out of their personal problems. 236 00:12:31,394 --> 00:12:33,436 -You're starting to make some sense. -You should listen 237 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,230 -to your old man once in a while. -I know. 238 00:12:35,314 --> 00:12:37,857 I mean, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything. I'm just a cop. 239 00:12:37,941 --> 00:12:39,317 And a darned good one. 240 00:12:39,401 --> 00:12:42,751 -You're gonna talk to Maris, aren't you? -I'll be back in an hour. 241 00:12:51,788 --> 00:12:53,873 FRASIER: Don't ignore me, Marta! 242 00:12:53,957 --> 00:12:55,501 Go away! 243 00:12:57,461 --> 00:12:59,795 Let me in! I need to speak with Mrs. Crane. 244 00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:04,550 Missy Crane say no you Dr. Crane, no other Dr. Crane, 245 00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:06,260 and no Crane with a cane. 246 00:13:08,846 --> 00:13:10,764 Well, at least tell her that I'm here. 247 00:13:10,848 --> 00:13:13,059 She know. Everybody know. 248 00:13:15,978 --> 00:13:16,979 FRASIER: Maris! 249 00:13:17,605 --> 00:13:19,065 Maris, we need to talk! 250 00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:23,277 Oh, look, I know you're up there. I can see you through the shutters. 251 00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:26,029 All right, if you won't talk, listen. 252 00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:30,825 Niles didn't ask me to come here. I came because I care about both of you. 253 00:13:30,909 --> 00:13:33,995 I realize that Niles spoke to you rather harshly today. 254 00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:38,541 Truth be told, it was I that urged him to express his anger. 255 00:13:38,625 --> 00:13:41,544 As hard as it was for you to listen to such criticism, 256 00:13:41,628 --> 00:13:45,590 you're a fair-minded woman and you must concede that he had a right to be upset. 257 00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:47,550 Ah! 258 00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:49,551 Ah, Maris, by opening that window, 259 00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:52,762 you're opening up a window to a long and happy marriage. 260 00:13:52,846 --> 00:13:53,889 That's good. 261 00:14:06,986 --> 00:14:08,988 All right, you're expressing your anger. 262 00:14:09,905 --> 00:14:11,573 That's good, too. 263 00:14:11,657 --> 00:14:13,617 Listen, in spite of that last little outburst, 264 00:14:13,701 --> 00:14:17,161 I am not gonna leave here until we've had some sort of a breakthrough. 265 00:14:17,245 --> 00:14:18,496 [DOGS BARKING] 266 00:14:18,580 --> 00:14:21,666 Well, I see our time is up. I'll let myself out. 267 00:14:25,461 --> 00:14:26,462 I know you're there. 268 00:14:30,091 --> 00:14:33,141 After last night, frankly, I've had quite enough of your kind. 269 00:14:34,512 --> 00:14:37,306 You can stare all you like. I'm not gonna give you anything to eat. 270 00:14:37,390 --> 00:14:39,183 [WHINING] 271 00:14:39,267 --> 00:14:41,392 Oh, all right, here. 272 00:14:41,476 --> 00:14:46,481 You might as well finish off this God awful shepherd's pie that Daphne made. 273 00:14:48,859 --> 00:14:50,986 Lord knows it isn't fit for humans. 274 00:14:57,784 --> 00:15:01,288 Did that sound like "humans"? I said, "Mormons." 275 00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:05,707 You're not at your quickest first thing in the morning, are you? 276 00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:07,042 Well, it was a rough night. 277 00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:08,710 Maybe next time you'll listen to your old man 278 00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:10,420 and not come between a husband and his wife. 279 00:15:10,504 --> 00:15:15,468 And here's Dad all sleep-refreshed and bright-eyed, ready to resume his lecture. 280 00:15:16,177 --> 00:15:19,388 Oh, look, your brother left us a note. 281 00:15:22,058 --> 00:15:24,226 "Dear Dad, Frasier and Daphne: 282 00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:26,603 "When you wake up this morning, I'll be gone." 283 00:15:26,687 --> 00:15:30,316 Thank you for all your help, but I don't want to be a burden any longer." 284 00:15:31,316 --> 00:15:32,442 You don't think… 285 00:15:33,109 --> 00:15:35,778 No, I'm sure this is all completely harmless. 286 00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:39,782 Yeah, my gun's still locked up and the door to the balcony's closed. 287 00:15:39,866 --> 00:15:41,909 Yes, and we all know that Daphne's shepherd's pie 288 00:15:41,993 --> 00:15:43,620 is still in the refrigerator. 289 00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:50,168 Hi-ho, everyone. 290 00:15:51,169 --> 00:15:54,046 What are you all doing inside on such a beautiful, clear autumn day? 291 00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:56,173 Niles, you seem awfully chipper this morning. 292 00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:58,633 I woke up this morning, and I had a realization. 293 00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,135 Like it or not, my life is changing. 294 00:16:00,219 --> 00:16:03,221 I'm single now, so I went out and rented a bachelor pad. 295 00:16:03,305 --> 00:16:04,806 Oh, is that coffee? 296 00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:06,766 Don't you think that's jumping the gun a little bit? 297 00:16:06,850 --> 00:16:10,520 Oh, no, Dad. Maris ordered me to get my stuff out of there by sundown 298 00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:12,856 or else she'd turn it over to a church bazaar. 299 00:16:14,983 --> 00:16:18,237 Oh, oh, and I got these jeans. 300 00:16:19,863 --> 00:16:23,157 And I'm starting a goatee and I'm thinking of joining a gym, 301 00:16:23,241 --> 00:16:24,450 but I don't know whether aerobics 302 00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:27,662 or weight training is the quickest route to buff. Any thoughts? 303 00:16:34,502 --> 00:16:37,547 One thought. Seek help. 304 00:16:38,923 --> 00:16:41,050 Niles, you've just been through a very traumatic experience, 305 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,593 and you are deep in denial here. 306 00:16:42,677 --> 00:16:44,553 You're going through very extreme emotions right now, 307 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,889 and rather than feeling them, you're denying they even exist. 308 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,599 I'm not denying my feelings. I'm so in tune with my emotions, 309 00:16:49,683 --> 00:16:51,351 I was able to move through them quickly. 310 00:16:51,435 --> 00:16:54,562 In fact, I've logged them all in my journal. 311 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:56,522 Let's see, where are we here? 312 00:16:56,606 --> 00:16:58,733 "Awake 5 am. 313 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,528 "Blissful confusion. Something's happened, but what?" 314 00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:08,743 "5:01: Ah, yes, an overwhelming sense of emptiness and despair." 315 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,995 "5:07…" This one's hard to read. 316 00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:12,913 Oh, right. "Wept uncontrollably. 317 00:17:14,457 --> 00:17:16,541 "6:15: All cried out. Hungry now." 318 00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:19,044 Ate entire box of Frosted Flakes. They're gr-r-reat!" 319 00:17:24,091 --> 00:17:26,969 So don't you tell me I'm not in touch with my emotions. 320 00:17:29,430 --> 00:17:32,641 "9:45: Get out the butterfly net." 321 00:17:37,188 --> 00:17:38,813 NILES: It's not easy for me to say goodbye. 322 00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:43,067 Especially after so many years, all we've shared, all we've meant to one another. 323 00:17:43,151 --> 00:17:48,239 Jean Pierre, Marie, Bernard, thank you for your years of devoted service. 324 00:17:48,323 --> 00:17:50,867 As a personal favor, please look after Mrs. Crane. 325 00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:53,559 It'll be just you and her from now on. 326 00:17:55,538 --> 00:17:58,249 Uh, the staff, they have a question. 327 00:17:58,333 --> 00:17:59,709 Can we come with you? 328 00:18:03,546 --> 00:18:06,048 Marta, I'm afraid this is a road I must walk alone. 329 00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:12,887 -It must be very painful, isn't it? -Painful doesn't begin to describe it. 330 00:18:12,971 --> 00:18:15,640 But they're strong. They'll get over it. Watch that. 331 00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:17,976 -Careful with those. -FRASIER: Look at him, Dad. 332 00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:20,895 -My God, he's locked in denial. -Oh, for God's sake. 333 00:18:20,979 --> 00:18:23,982 First you get him to move out, then when he does, he's not upset enough for you. 334 00:18:24,066 --> 00:18:25,108 There's no pleasing you. 335 00:18:25,192 --> 00:18:28,695 Well, what would please me would be to see him actually experience some real emotion. 336 00:18:28,779 --> 00:18:31,029 He's walking through this thing like a zombie. 337 00:18:31,113 --> 00:18:34,616 -Well, that's everything. Shall we? -You know, there's no hurry, Niles. 338 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,535 Well, actually, there is. I have aerobics at 5:00. 339 00:18:36,619 --> 00:18:39,914 And then I'm meeting with my decorator at 6:30. Off we go. 340 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:43,709 Oh, have I got my wallet. 341 00:18:43,793 --> 00:18:45,670 Uh, yes. 342 00:18:46,712 --> 00:18:47,922 Have I got my checkbook? 343 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:50,382 Yes. 344 00:18:50,466 --> 00:18:51,884 Have I lost my mind? 345 00:18:51,968 --> 00:18:53,886 I can't leave! This is my home! 346 00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:56,888 -You're not taking me! -Oh, Niles, open the door! 347 00:18:56,972 --> 00:19:00,308 No, bye-bye. Thanks for coming. I'll tell Maris you sent your best. 348 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:02,602 Now, Niles, calm down. 349 00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:05,188 No, no, don't calm down. Let it out! This is very healing. 350 00:19:05,272 --> 00:19:08,316 -Don't you ever let up? -Look, everything's gonna be fine. 351 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,359 No, it isn't. There's no life for me out there. 352 00:19:10,443 --> 00:19:12,612 -Now you're just excited. -I don't want to be a bachelor. 353 00:19:12,696 --> 00:19:14,113 I didn't like it the first time. 354 00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:16,282 Niles, look, just sit down for a second. All right? 355 00:19:16,366 --> 00:19:17,701 Where, Frasier? 356 00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:19,911 Here? 357 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:24,540 In the chair that Maris and I picked out on our honeymoon in Vienna? 358 00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,084 Or here? 359 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:32,965 Where I sit Sunday mornings playing Mahler while Maris dabs at her watercolors? 360 00:19:33,716 --> 00:19:39,054 Perhaps here, where we sipped champagne on our last anniversary. 361 00:19:40,598 --> 00:19:42,724 Guess that really was our last anniversary. 362 00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,059 Oh, Niles… 363 00:19:44,143 --> 00:19:45,227 Dr. Crane? 364 00:19:45,311 --> 00:19:46,560 Yes, Marta. 365 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,479 Missy Crane give me message for you. 366 00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,524 If you say it's all your fault, you no have to leave. 367 00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,449 -I can stay? -She waiting upstairs. 368 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:07,373 Niles, before you make your decision, 369 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:10,418 just make sure you remember things the way they really were. 370 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:14,754 Yes, you bought that chair on your honeymoon in Vienna. 371 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,924 But remember, you wanted to buy the chair you saw in Paris. 372 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,969 Yes, you sit at that piano every Sunday morning and play Mahler for Maris. 373 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,763 But you hate Mahler! 374 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:25,849 Besides Maris, who doesn't? 375 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,393 Look, just give him a little air here. 376 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,229 Look, all I'm saying is that along with the good things in your marriage, 377 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:34,942 there were problems, things you said you couldn't live with anymore. 378 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:37,860 Now if you want those to change, you have got to stand up to her. 379 00:20:37,944 --> 00:20:41,613 If you back down now, you will go through the rest of your life feeling 380 00:20:41,697 --> 00:20:44,533 weak and small because you never had the courage to say, 381 00:20:44,617 --> 00:20:49,163 "I will not let you treat me like this, Lilith! Maris!" 382 00:20:58,381 --> 00:21:02,031 Well, I've lost all credibility here, Dad. Would you please say something? 383 00:21:02,884 --> 00:21:04,984 I told you, I'm not telling him what to do. 384 00:21:06,096 --> 00:21:07,680 I wouldn't mind knowing what you think. 385 00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:10,516 It doesn't matter what I think. What's important is what you think. 386 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,436 Now if you want to walk up those stairs, we'll support you. 387 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,606 If you want to go out that door, we'll support you there, too. 388 00:21:24,781 --> 00:21:26,157 What, are you nuts? 389 00:21:28,367 --> 00:21:32,117 You're gonna go up there and grovel to that woman after what she did to you? 390 00:21:33,414 --> 00:21:35,958 Actually, I was just going to get my car keys. 391 00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:39,670 But thanks for the impartial advice, Dad. 392 00:22:05,862 --> 00:22:08,449 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 393 00:22:08,533 --> 00:22:10,783 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 394 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,368 Mercy. 395 00:22:12,702 --> 00:22:15,454 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 396 00:22:15,538 --> 00:22:17,748 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 397 00:22:17,832 --> 00:22:19,999 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 398 00:22:20,083 --> 00:22:21,542 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 399 00:22:21,626 --> 00:22:24,713 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 400 00:22:26,923 --> 00:22:28,216 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 401 00:22:29,676 --> 00:22:32,303 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 402 00:22:32,387 --> 00:22:34,264 What is a boy to do? 403 00:22:36,475 --> 00:22:37,893 Thank you!