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00:00:02,264 --> 00:00:04,266
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:09,812 --> 00:00:12,812
WOMAN [ON PHONE]: It's not
that I don't like him, Dr. Crane.
3
00:00:13,024 --> 00:00:18,611
It's just that he's gotten so attached.
I mean, roses every day after two dates?
4
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Maggie, first thing you
have to do is sit Gavin down
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for a nice long conversation.
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In a frank and honest discussion,
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tell him that though he
wants to go at one speed,
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00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,625
you need to go at another.
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Tell him you're not rejecting
him, that you are fond of him,
10
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but if he doesn't give
you some breathing room…
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I wonder what Roz, my non-PhD-holding
producer, thinks you should do.
12
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Any guy who's that clingy after two
dates has a major insecurity problem.
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I say dump him. Now.
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And don't look back.
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It's so good to hear that, Roz.
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That's what I wanted
to do, but I felt so guilty.
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Thanks so much. Bye.
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[DIAL TONE HUMS]
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And that takes us to commercial.
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This, for those who have forgotten,
is The Dr. Frasier Crane Show.
21
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-Here's your new parking pass.
-Mm-hm.
22
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,124
I confirmed your
dinner reservations for 3.
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00:01:19,208 --> 00:01:22,058
At your father's request,
you'll be dining at Chez Shrimp.
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Here are two letters that you gotta
sign: a card for Clarence, the guard,
25
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that we're all signing
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and a notice about sign-ups for the KACL
bowling team that I'll file in the trash.
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Oh, wonderful.
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Another card.
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I, as resident wit here, will have
to think of something clever to say.
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At least I've got another gala KACL
birthday bash to look forward to.
31
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I can just taste that
frozen Sara Lee cake now
32
00:01:47,442 --> 00:01:49,319
and hear the wild applause
33
00:01:49,403 --> 00:01:53,364
as a full-grown adult snuffs
out a handful of tiny candles.
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What are you grousing about?
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Oh, nothing, nothing.
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[UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON CARD]
37
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Yes, the pageantry never stops.
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MARTIN: Mr. Fancy-Pants.
39
00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,760
He's gotta buy a German car.
40
00:02:16,844 --> 00:02:18,678
It's not my fault we broke down.
41
00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:20,972
If you'd bought American, they
wouldn't have to tow your car
42
00:02:21,056 --> 00:02:22,723
halfway across the state to get it fixed.
43
00:02:22,807 --> 00:02:24,934
That's why I always buy American.
44
00:02:25,018 --> 00:02:27,686
You break down, you just
drive to the nearest garage.
45
00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:30,898
I could break down all
alone in the middle of Alaska.
46
00:02:30,982 --> 00:02:32,774
A thought to raise all our spirits.
47
00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:36,569
This traffic is murder.
48
00:02:36,653 --> 00:02:37,737
I'd suggest we walk home,
49
00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:40,240
but I'm afraid what the
humidity will do to these loafers.
50
00:02:40,324 --> 00:02:41,617
Does calfskin pucker?
51
00:02:42,658 --> 00:02:45,118
Yes, Niles, that's why on humid farms,
52
00:02:45,202 --> 00:02:47,872
the calf is the most
made-fun-of of all the animals.
53
00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,584
There's no point in being snide.
54
00:02:53,668 --> 00:02:55,211
We'll be here for a while.
55
00:02:55,295 --> 00:02:57,588
Might as well try and
make pleasant conversation.
56
00:02:57,672 --> 00:02:59,883
We are a family.
It shouldn't be that hard.
57
00:03:06,388 --> 00:03:07,765
So you been driving long?
58
00:03:08,974 --> 00:03:10,183
Not really.
59
00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,977
Bet you got good stories, though.
60
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,979
Ever hear of a woman
having a baby in a cab?
61
00:03:15,063 --> 00:03:17,439
-Oh. It's a classic.
-We've all heard that one.
62
00:03:17,523 --> 00:03:20,985
-That happen in this cab?
-No. I think it's about to.
63
00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:23,488
-You're pregnant?
-Yes. Ow!
64
00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:26,823
Don't panic, miss. It may be false labor.
65
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:30,493
My water just broke.
[GASPS] I'm in a puddle of water.
66
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,412
Calfskin! Calfskin!
67
00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:37,624
-The closest hospital is First Methodist.
-We'll never make it.
68
00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:39,209
Miss, you'd better pull over.
69
00:03:39,293 --> 00:03:41,504
-Try to park facing downhill.
-Niles!
70
00:03:42,338 --> 00:03:44,214
I can't have my baby here.
71
00:03:44,298 --> 00:03:46,799
There's no need to be concerned.
72
00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:49,468
You are in the presence of two
trained medical professionals.
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Niles, help the woman.
74
00:03:52,806 --> 00:03:54,506
-DRIVER: Hurry!
-I know. I know.
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-[SCREAMS]
-[BOTH SHOUTING]
76
00:03:58,435 --> 00:04:00,395
FRASIER: Other door! The other door!
77
00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:02,398
Oh, for goodness' sake.
78
00:04:03,315 --> 00:04:05,401
Hello, is anybody there? Come in.
79
00:04:06,275 --> 00:04:10,070
Now, the most important thing you
can do is breathe deeply. Do as I do.
80
00:04:10,154 --> 00:04:13,324
-Hee, hoo, hee, hoo…
-Hoo, hee, hoo…
81
00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:15,409
Do you feel faint or short of breath?
82
00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:16,535
Yes, both of those.
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[NILES, DRIVER BREATHING DEEPLY]
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DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Hello? Go ahead.
85
00:04:20,205 --> 00:04:24,167
Yeah, I'm calling from Cab Number 804.
86
00:04:24,251 --> 00:04:25,460
This is an emergency.
87
00:04:25,544 --> 00:04:28,587
Your driver, Arleen, just went into labor.
88
00:04:28,671 --> 00:04:30,756
We're at the corner of 14th and Sycamore.
89
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:34,801
-We need an ambulance now. Do you hear me?
-Yes, I'll get right on it.
90
00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:37,012
-Aah! It hurts.
-It's natural.
91
00:04:37,096 --> 00:04:39,680
-No, you're squeezing my hand!
-Oh.
92
00:04:39,764 --> 00:04:43,768
-Get a hold of yourself, Niles!
-I only did this once, in medical school.
93
00:04:43,852 --> 00:04:45,770
All I remember is a bright
light and lots of blood,
94
00:04:45,854 --> 00:04:48,439
then a linoleum floor
hurtling toward my forehead.
95
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,440
You fainted?
96
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,776
Oh, switch places with
me and see how you do.
97
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,236
FRASIER: Good God, Niles. That's it.
98
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,822
I'll do this.
99
00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:58,572
-Get…
-NILES: Moving.
100
00:04:58,656 --> 00:05:00,699
The baby's really coming now. I feel it.
101
00:05:00,783 --> 00:05:03,160
When he does come, I'll catch him.
102
00:05:03,244 --> 00:05:05,246
Just continue with your breathing.
103
00:05:08,999 --> 00:05:12,002
Don't feel guilty for
having your baby in a cab.
104
00:05:12,627 --> 00:05:14,295
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
105
00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:16,631
Many great Americans
have been born this way.
106
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Cab Calloway comes to mind.
107
00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:24,388
My particular area of
medicine is psychiatry.
108
00:05:24,472 --> 00:05:27,599
I specialize in the
head, not the lower body.
109
00:05:27,683 --> 00:05:29,142
It's less messy that way.
110
00:05:29,226 --> 00:05:31,519
Not that your lower portion is messy.
111
00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:32,770
It's quite beautiful.
112
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-Not that I'm looking!
-[SCREAMS]
113
00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:38,234
-Is the pain that bad?
-No, you're driving me crazy!
114
00:05:38,985 --> 00:05:40,568
Don't drive her crazy.
115
00:05:40,652 --> 00:05:43,352
-MARTIN: Move it out, come on.
-FRASIER: All right.
116
00:05:43,989 --> 00:05:46,616
-You a doctor too?
-No, a retired cop.
117
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,702
Well, what took you so long?
118
00:05:48,786 --> 00:05:50,286
It's really hurting.
119
00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:52,955
Everything's gonna be just fine.
120
00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:58,002
I've delivered more than a few babies,
and some are older than you are now.
121
00:05:58,086 --> 00:06:00,963
Frasier will hold your hand
and help with your breathing,
122
00:06:01,047 --> 00:06:03,172
and Niles will look out for an ambulance,
123
00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:06,050
and I'll get ready to bring your
beautiful baby into this world.
124
00:06:06,134 --> 00:06:07,385
-Okay?
-Okay.
125
00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:08,845
Are there any questions?
126
00:06:08,929 --> 00:06:10,806
Should our meter still be running?
127
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[SCREAMS]
128
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DAPHNE: Hello?
129
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Are you back yet?
130
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[DOOR OPENS]
131
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Well, go on, turn your heads.
132
00:06:43,043 --> 00:06:44,085
Okay.
133
00:06:44,627 --> 00:06:47,671
So I guess you've had
some excitement tonight.
134
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:48,673
No, I haven't.
135
00:06:52,176 --> 00:06:55,219
Your father made it sound
exciting on the phone,
136
00:06:55,303 --> 00:06:57,597
delivering a baby in a taxi.
137
00:06:57,681 --> 00:07:00,224
Oh, that.
I don't think of that as excitement
138
00:07:00,308 --> 00:07:03,728
as much as my duty to use those
skills I honed in medical school.
139
00:07:03,812 --> 00:07:06,981
Yes, Niles ran to a falafel
stand for a pot of hot water.
140
00:07:09,650 --> 00:07:14,612
I can't get over that feeling of being
there when a person's life begins.
141
00:07:14,696 --> 00:07:17,573
One minute, it's this blob
in some lady's stomach,
142
00:07:17,657 --> 00:07:19,366
next minute, it's a person.
143
00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:21,369
Blob… [SNAPS FINGERS] …person.
144
00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:26,248
The miracle of birth summed
up in one poetic phrase.
145
00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:31,169
I bet you have fond memories
of when your son was born.
146
00:07:31,253 --> 00:07:32,754
Oh, yes, of course.
147
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:37,216
I remember the first time I held
him in my arms as a newborn,
148
00:07:37,717 --> 00:07:41,386
it was as if everything else in
the universe simply melted away.
149
00:07:41,470 --> 00:07:43,806
There was just a father, a son,
150
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,641
and the distant sound of Lilith saying,
151
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:50,854
"If you come near me again,
Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle."
152
00:07:53,523 --> 00:07:56,858
At least nowadays fathers
get to see their sons be born.
153
00:07:56,942 --> 00:07:59,444
In my day, they stuck
us in the waiting room,
154
00:07:59,528 --> 00:08:02,364
smoking cigarettes and
reading LIFE magazine.
155
00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:06,785
I can still remember the article I
was reading when Niles was born.
156
00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:08,569
-It was about Mickey Mantle.
-Oh.
157
00:08:09,996 --> 00:08:12,874
Talk about life setting you up for a fall.
158
00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:18,711
-It's been a long night. I'm turning in.
-Night, Dad.
159
00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:23,425
I can't wait to see what dreams I have
after all this talk about childbearing.
160
00:08:24,259 --> 00:08:26,803
Probably that one where me mother says,
161
00:08:26,887 --> 00:08:31,265
"Daphne, you're 50 and you've
never given me grandchildren."
162
00:08:31,349 --> 00:08:36,019
So I say, "That was my choice.
I was thinking of my career."
163
00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:39,105
"Oh, sure. But did you ever think of me?"
164
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:42,900
"Mother, I don't want to start this again.
Just drop it."
165
00:08:42,984 --> 00:08:46,112
"Oh, but will she drop it?"
"Oh, shut up, Mother!"
166
00:08:46,196 --> 00:08:49,365
"Don't you take that tone of
voice with me. You're blaming…"
167
00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:53,118
I wonder how many more
people she's got in there.
168
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,960
-Sherry, Niles?
-Uh, no, thank you.
169
00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:05,672
You seem awfully reflective.
Something on your mind?
170
00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:07,272
NILES: Actually, yes.
171
00:09:08,341 --> 00:09:12,552
For months, I've noticed my
thoughts drifting to the same subject:
172
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,138
Will I ever be a father?
173
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,265
-Ah.
-There are pros and cons.
174
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:22,394
But watching that child's birth, I
realized it's something I really want.
175
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:23,437
I think.
176
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,609
It's natural to have
parental stirrings at your age.
177
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:32,278
No, no. This is more than stirrings.
I wake up nights thinking about it.
178
00:09:32,362 --> 00:09:34,655
-Have you talked this over with Maris?
-Not yet.
179
00:09:34,739 --> 00:09:37,158
I like to know what I
want before Maris tells me.
180
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:44,956
I'm just not sure I'm
really ready for fatherhood.
181
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,375
Niles, no one is ever sure.
182
00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:51,171
In schools these days, teenagers
who are thinking about becoming parents
183
00:09:51,255 --> 00:09:53,422
are given a sack of flour
184
00:09:53,506 --> 00:09:56,550
to keep for a week as
though it were a baby.
185
00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:57,468
You're kidding.
186
00:09:57,552 --> 00:10:01,263
No. They hold it, they care for
it, never let it out of their sight.
187
00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:05,516
It gives them a good idea of the
responsibility of being a parent.
188
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,812
Hmm. Very clever. What could be
better than hands-on experience?
189
00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:10,647
Might be worth a try.
190
00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,397
-I wasn't suggesting…
-Why not?
191
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:15,692
This is the perfect week. Maris is away.
I'm desperate to resolve the issue.
192
00:10:15,776 --> 00:10:17,236
Where do you keep the flour?
193
00:10:19,697 --> 00:10:21,397
-In the kitchen.
-In the kitchen.
194
00:10:21,866 --> 00:10:23,658
The cabinet next to the sink.
195
00:10:24,743 --> 00:10:26,286
Yes, here it is.
196
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,121
"Extra-refined."
197
00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:31,041
It's taking after its old man already.
198
00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,167
No, Niles, that's the sugar.
199
00:10:34,251 --> 00:10:36,086
If we're gonna do this,
we're gonna do it right.
200
00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:37,880
Now, here is the flour.
201
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:44,594
Hmm. "Bleached, 100% fat-free,
best when kept in an airtight container."
202
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:47,680
Seems this one's taking after its mother.
203
00:10:51,434 --> 00:10:53,436
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
204
00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:01,776
-Hello, Niles.
-Hello. May I join you?
205
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,528
Or should I say, "May we?"
206
00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:05,863
Mais oui.
207
00:11:07,907 --> 00:11:10,367
I see you're still continuing
with our little baby experiment.
208
00:11:10,451 --> 00:11:13,287
Yes.
And it's been quite a learning experience.
209
00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:15,454
[GRUNTS] Not easy, though.
210
00:11:15,538 --> 00:11:17,123
I take him everywhere,
211
00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:20,668
get up for 2 a.m. feedings,
the whole exhausting nine yards.
212
00:11:21,711 --> 00:11:23,629
What a beautiful baby.
213
00:11:23,713 --> 00:11:25,423
-How old is he?
-Eight weeks.
214
00:11:25,507 --> 00:11:27,508
-Oh. Great age, isn't it?
-Mm-hm.
215
00:11:34,014 --> 00:11:35,265
-FRASIER: Niles?
-Mm-hm?
216
00:11:35,349 --> 00:11:39,018
I can't help noticing that
your child has a little boo-boo.
217
00:11:39,852 --> 00:11:42,938
Oh. It's nothing.
I was playing him some Brahms.
218
00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:44,622
Never too early to ingrain them.
219
00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:49,902
I must have begun conducting
with one of the gilded chopsticks
220
00:11:49,986 --> 00:11:52,886
Maris wears in her bun, and I
accidentally ran him through.
221
00:11:54,366 --> 00:11:56,827
What young parent doesn't tell that story?
222
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:05,834
The scuffs were the fault
of my new houseman, Ngee.
223
00:12:05,918 --> 00:12:06,918
What did Gee do?
224
00:12:07,002 --> 00:12:08,336
No, it's "Ngee."
225
00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:10,796
-Guy.
-No, with the back of the throat. "Ngee."
226
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,799
Nge… Oh, who cares? What did he do?
227
00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:17,053
He'd just given my car a shine,
228
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:21,140
when I set the baby on the roof
and down it went onto the driveway.
229
00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:24,967
Would you watch him while I order?
230
00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:30,064
ROZ: Hey, Fras.
231
00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,440
This seat taken?
232
00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:32,400
Well, actually…
233
00:12:33,025 --> 00:12:33,860
No.
234
00:12:38,156 --> 00:12:40,865
You'll be happy to know
that Clarence is doing better.
235
00:12:40,949 --> 00:12:42,158
I just dropped his card off.
236
00:12:42,242 --> 00:12:44,786
-Clarence?
-Yeah, the guard.
237
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:47,622
Oh, down at the station. Oh, yes. Good.
238
00:12:47,706 --> 00:12:48,831
I didn't know he was sick.
239
00:12:48,915 --> 00:12:50,465
You signed his "get well" card.
240
00:12:52,084 --> 00:12:53,544
That wasn't a birthday card?
241
00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:58,507
No, he's in the hospital
having a kidney transplant.
242
00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:00,257
Oh, my God.
243
00:13:00,341 --> 00:13:02,176
I thought it was his birthday.
244
00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:05,680
I wrote, "You're not getting
older, just closer to death."
245
00:13:10,018 --> 00:13:12,102
How could you think it was his birthday?
246
00:13:12,186 --> 00:13:15,063
I didn't recognize the traditional card
247
00:13:15,147 --> 00:13:17,273
for a man in an advanced
stage of kidney failure,
248
00:13:17,357 --> 00:13:18,817
a giant pink bunny rabbit.
249
00:13:20,777 --> 00:13:21,985
Do you think he's read it yet?
250
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,113
No, he was sleeping when I left.
251
00:13:24,197 --> 00:13:27,950
I'll look like a callous fool.
We've got to get that card back.
252
00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:29,451
NILES: How can you be leaving? [GASPS]
253
00:13:29,535 --> 00:13:31,745
-I asked you to babysit!
-Oh, Niles.
254
00:13:32,329 --> 00:13:35,289
I don't have time to stand
here and listen to your insanity.
255
00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:38,273
I have to go steal a "get well"
card from a kidney patient.
256
00:13:43,047 --> 00:13:45,049
DAPHNE: What does that say? "Geb"?
257
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,467
No, it's "get."
258
00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,177
"Get well soon. Love, Andrea."
259
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,847
Just copy it down, move
on to the next name.
260
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:57,768
We have to transfer all the
names onto the new card quickly.
261
00:13:57,852 --> 00:13:59,437
I want to get it back there tonight.
262
00:13:59,521 --> 00:14:03,148
So you snuck into a man's
hospital room and stole his card?
263
00:14:03,232 --> 00:14:04,732
I did not sneak in.
264
00:14:04,816 --> 00:14:07,611
Luckily, he was in extreme
pain and heavily sedated.
265
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,198
This never would've happened if
you'd found out who this Clarence was.
266
00:14:12,282 --> 00:14:14,908
You never pay attention
to the little people.
267
00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:18,203
Yes, why don't we invite
all the commoners over
268
00:14:18,287 --> 00:14:20,956
to drag me to the town square
and give me a good stoning?
269
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,749
[DOORBELL RINGS]
270
00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:25,627
That must be Niles.
He's gonna take me to the hospital.
271
00:14:27,629 --> 00:14:29,229
-Hello, Niles.
-Hello, Frasier.
272
00:14:42,685 --> 00:14:44,269
What are you doing with that?
273
00:14:44,353 --> 00:14:47,396
Forging a parent-child
bond that will last forever.
274
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,441
That's a relief.
I was afraid it might be something stupid.
275
00:14:54,112 --> 00:14:56,279
I don't wear this in public.
276
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,823
I just wanted the complete
picture of parenthood.
277
00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:00,825
-And?
-It's driving me batty.
278
00:15:00,909 --> 00:15:01,743
Ooh.
279
00:15:06,163 --> 00:15:09,458
[GROANS] The feedings every two hours,
280
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,168
constant monitoring where he is.
281
00:15:11,252 --> 00:15:13,754
I can see how parents
can be obsessed with worry.
282
00:15:13,838 --> 00:15:17,089
Last night, I had a dream
my flour sack was abducted
283
00:15:17,173 --> 00:15:20,093
and the kidnappers started
sending me muffins in the mail.
284
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:31,686
Well, on the plus
side, I've learned a lot.
285
00:15:31,770 --> 00:15:35,149
If I ever go through the real
thing, I'll make a wonderful parent.
286
00:15:39,694 --> 00:15:42,196
Niles, what has happened to your child?
287
00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:48,368
I was practicing my tai chi
exercises, and I accidentally kicked him
288
00:15:48,452 --> 00:15:49,786
into the reflecting pool.
289
00:15:51,913 --> 00:15:55,213
That's when I brought him inside
and left him by the hearth to dry.
290
00:15:58,127 --> 00:15:59,462
He caught on fire?
291
00:16:02,006 --> 00:16:03,632
It was not as careless
as you make it seem.
292
00:16:03,716 --> 00:16:07,219
A real child would have
cried before it burst into flames.
293
00:16:13,892 --> 00:16:15,643
[ALARM BEEPING]
294
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,979
Oh, oh, oh. Time for his nap.
295
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,275
-Turn him over if he starts fussing.
-No.
296
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,237
I'm role-playing, Dad.
297
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,322
Try playing the role of a sane person.
298
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:41,374
So, Niles, any closer to making
a decision about fatherhood?
299
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,167
To tell you the truth, no.
300
00:16:43,251 --> 00:16:46,754
One minute, I think there's no chance
I'll ever be able to stand the stress,
301
00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:50,716
the next, I'm daydreaming about taking
my son on his first trip to the museum
302
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,052
or listening to him pick out his
first feeble "Für Elise" on the piano,
303
00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:56,138
and I swear there are tears in my eyes.
304
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:57,682
[EDDIE SNARLING]
305
00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:05,730
-Oh, dear.
-What?
306
00:17:06,356 --> 00:17:07,189
Eddie.
307
00:17:07,273 --> 00:17:09,067
[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
That dingo's got your baby.
308
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,569
Oh, God!
309
00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:15,071
Eddie! Dad, get… Oh! Bad dog!
310
00:17:15,155 --> 00:17:18,325
DAPHNE: Oh, don't worry.
I'll clean up that mess, Dr. Crane.
311
00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:21,869
Oh, my… For God's sake, Niles, calm down.
312
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:24,121
I think it's time you realized something.
313
00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:25,581
That is not a person.
314
00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:27,166
It's a bag of flour.
315
00:17:28,042 --> 00:17:30,044
There's an easy trick
to tell the difference.
316
00:17:30,128 --> 00:17:33,380
People don't come with
recipes on their backs.
317
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,090
This whole thing's stupid.
318
00:17:36,174 --> 00:17:38,509
We're talking about having a baby here.
319
00:17:38,593 --> 00:17:40,386
You don't make that
decision intellectually.
320
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,431
You make it in here, in your gut.
321
00:17:43,222 --> 00:17:45,682
You must have a gut feeling. What is it?
322
00:17:45,766 --> 00:17:47,768
-I'm not sure.
-You'd better be.
323
00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:51,438
No amount of thinking can
prepare you for having a kid.
324
00:17:51,522 --> 00:17:52,980
It's hard.
325
00:17:53,064 --> 00:17:54,690
Full of surprises.
326
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:58,486
Maybe your kid won't wanna take
piano lessons or go to the museum.
327
00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:01,620
-He might wanna go to a baseball game.
-Don't even say that.
328
00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:05,784
Just trust yourself.
329
00:18:05,868 --> 00:18:07,995
You'll know if it's right or not.
330
00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:14,333
I'm finished, if you're ready
to take me to the hospital.
331
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:20,422
I'm beginning to wonder if this experiment
wasn't just a way of convincing myself
332
00:18:20,506 --> 00:18:23,217
I'm ready for something
when I know I'm not.
333
00:18:24,342 --> 00:18:25,469
What do you mean?
334
00:18:26,428 --> 00:18:27,929
I want to have a baby.
335
00:18:29,306 --> 00:18:30,932
But I just don't want it enough.
336
00:18:34,478 --> 00:18:35,436
[SIGHS]
337
00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:38,370
That's the hardest thing
I've ever had to admit.
338
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,065
Why do you say that?
339
00:18:40,149 --> 00:18:42,735
Oh… Because it's so selfish.
340
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,279
I'm the right age, I have
the money, the energy.
341
00:18:47,113 --> 00:18:50,533
It's only selfish when people
have babies for the wrong reasons.
342
00:18:51,409 --> 00:18:54,412
More people should
find out if they're ready.
343
00:18:55,079 --> 00:18:58,081
Anyway, just because you
feel this way now, doesn't mean
344
00:18:58,791 --> 00:19:01,291
that things can't change
a few years down the line.
345
00:19:01,835 --> 00:19:03,003
Perhaps you're right.
346
00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:06,422
Maris and I will be over 40 then.
347
00:19:07,465 --> 00:19:10,551
Maybe it wouldn't hurt to look
into getting her eggs frozen.
348
00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:15,890
Oh, I suspect they're only a
few degrees away from that now.
349
00:19:21,186 --> 00:19:23,855
You're going to a lot of trouble
for this Clarence. Who is he?
350
00:19:23,939 --> 00:19:25,815
Beats me. Some guy at the station.
351
00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:26,900
Shh.
352
00:19:42,372 --> 00:19:44,915
[UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON CARD]
353
00:19:44,999 --> 00:19:46,000
Oh!
354
00:19:49,086 --> 00:19:50,462
Dr. Crane!
355
00:19:51,088 --> 00:19:53,131
-It's Clarence.
-Oh.
356
00:19:53,215 --> 00:19:55,425
You weren't in there
looking for me, were you?
357
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:58,552
-As a matter of fact, I was.
-They changed my room.
358
00:19:58,636 --> 00:20:01,180
Oh. This is so sweet of you.
359
00:20:01,264 --> 00:20:06,518
Clarence is such a fixture at the station,
it just hasn't felt the same without him.
360
00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:08,812
You find the time to come here,
361
00:20:08,896 --> 00:20:11,773
while the rest of those
bums at the station
362
00:20:11,857 --> 00:20:13,650
don't even send me a card.
363
00:20:14,818 --> 00:20:19,572
Actually, Clarence, there's…
There's an explanation for that.
364
00:20:20,155 --> 00:20:23,105
-[UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON CARD]
-MAN: Make the music stop!
365
00:20:29,415 --> 00:20:32,709
You see, the others at the
station don't know you the way I do.
366
00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:36,837
Yes. Uh, well, listen, you get
yourself well and get back there.
367
00:20:36,921 --> 00:20:40,465
I miss seeing you
every time I walk by the…
368
00:20:42,301 --> 00:20:43,594
Place you tend to be.
369
00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:46,805
Niles?
370
00:20:46,889 --> 00:20:47,764
Niles?
371
00:20:50,475 --> 00:20:52,727
Niles. What are you doing?
372
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,603
Looking at these babies,
373
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,315
I can't help wondering if
I made the right decision.
374
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,775
-Niles.
-Look at them.
375
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:03,236
They're healthy, beautiful, lovable…
376
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,154
Flammable.
377
00:21:07,115 --> 00:21:09,075
How can I deny myself this experience?
378
00:21:09,159 --> 00:21:11,536
Maybe I'm more ready for
parenthood than I thought.
379
00:21:11,620 --> 00:21:14,579
-Hey, what are you guys doing here?
-FRASIER: Arleen!
380
00:21:14,663 --> 00:21:16,790
Funny running into you. And this must be…
381
00:21:16,874 --> 00:21:19,125
-Yes, little Nathan.
-FRASIER: Oh.
382
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,044
-Hello.
-Oh, look.
383
00:21:21,128 --> 00:21:22,753
I'm so glad I ran into you.
384
00:21:22,837 --> 00:21:25,465
We both want to thank you guys again.
385
00:21:26,174 --> 00:21:28,759
So… would one of you like to hold him?
386
00:21:28,843 --> 00:21:30,052
Ooh.
387
00:21:30,136 --> 00:21:31,095
Yes, I would.
388
00:21:34,431 --> 00:21:35,807
-[NATHAN FUSSES]
-Oh, shh.
389
00:21:35,891 --> 00:21:39,185
-Oh, he's beautiful.
-[NATHAN CRYING]
390
00:21:39,269 --> 00:21:42,564
Yes, why shouldn't you cry?
391
00:21:43,189 --> 00:21:45,357
Everything's so new to you.
392
00:21:45,441 --> 00:21:47,944
So much life to live.
393
00:21:48,736 --> 00:21:51,154
-No, you've got his leg bent back.
-Oh.
394
00:21:51,238 --> 00:21:54,699
Oh, God. Oh, God. Here, you take him.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
395
00:21:54,783 --> 00:21:56,450
Well, see you guys.
396
00:21:56,534 --> 00:21:58,495
-Say hi to your dad for me.
-Yeah.
397
00:21:59,704 --> 00:22:01,404
Perhaps I made the right decision.
398
00:22:01,706 --> 00:22:03,040
I'd say so, yes.
399
00:22:03,124 --> 00:22:04,625
-Ready to go?
-Uh-huh.
400
00:22:16,177 --> 00:22:17,303
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
401
00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:19,907
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
402
00:22:19,991 --> 00:22:22,183
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
403
00:22:23,059 --> 00:22:24,268
Mercy.
404
00:22:24,352 --> 00:22:26,770
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
405
00:22:26,854 --> 00:22:29,272
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
406
00:22:29,356 --> 00:22:31,524
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
407
00:22:31,608 --> 00:22:32,984
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
408
00:22:33,068 --> 00:22:36,779
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
409
00:22:37,571 --> 00:22:40,115
♪ They're callin' again ♪
410
00:22:40,199 --> 00:22:41,325
Good night!