1 00:00:02,264 --> 00:00:04,266 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,812 --> 00:00:12,812 WOMAN [ON PHONE]: It's not that I don't like him, Dr. Crane. 3 00:00:13,024 --> 00:00:18,611 It's just that he's gotten so attached. I mean, roses every day after two dates? 4 00:00:18,695 --> 00:00:22,156 Maggie, first thing you have to do is sit Gavin down 5 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,159 for a nice long conversation. 6 00:00:26,869 --> 00:00:28,620 In a frank and honest discussion, 7 00:00:28,704 --> 00:00:31,081 tell him that though he wants to go at one speed, 8 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,625 you need to go at another. 9 00:00:33,959 --> 00:00:37,253 Tell him you're not rejecting him, that you are fond of him, 10 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,714 but if he doesn't give you some breathing room… 11 00:00:39,798 --> 00:00:45,178 I wonder what Roz, my non-PhD-holding producer, thinks you should do. 12 00:00:46,221 --> 00:00:51,516 Any guy who's that clingy after two dates has a major insecurity problem. 13 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,059 I say dump him. Now. 14 00:00:53,143 --> 00:00:54,853 And don't look back. 15 00:00:54,937 --> 00:00:57,147 It's so good to hear that, Roz. 16 00:00:58,189 --> 00:01:01,358 That's what I wanted to do, but I felt so guilty. 17 00:01:01,442 --> 00:01:03,528 Thanks so much. Bye. 18 00:01:04,153 --> 00:01:05,988 [DIAL TONE HUMS] 19 00:01:06,489 --> 00:01:08,448 And that takes us to commercial. 20 00:01:08,532 --> 00:01:13,453 This, for those who have forgotten, is The Dr. Frasier Crane Show. 21 00:01:15,038 --> 00:01:17,123 -Here's your new parking pass. -Mm-hm. 22 00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,124 I confirmed your dinner reservations for 3. 23 00:01:19,208 --> 00:01:22,058 At your father's request, you'll be dining at Chez Shrimp. 24 00:01:23,087 --> 00:01:26,965 Here are two letters that you gotta sign: a card for Clarence, the guard, 25 00:01:27,049 --> 00:01:28,508 that we're all signing 26 00:01:28,592 --> 00:01:32,804 and a notice about sign-ups for the KACL bowling team that I'll file in the trash. 27 00:01:33,638 --> 00:01:35,097 Oh, wonderful. 28 00:01:35,181 --> 00:01:36,182 Another card. 29 00:01:36,266 --> 00:01:39,768 I, as resident wit here, will have to think of something clever to say. 30 00:01:39,852 --> 00:01:44,773 At least I've got another gala KACL birthday bash to look forward to. 31 00:01:44,857 --> 00:01:47,358 I can just taste that frozen Sara Lee cake now 32 00:01:47,442 --> 00:01:49,319 and hear the wild applause 33 00:01:49,403 --> 00:01:53,364 as a full-grown adult snuffs out a handful of tiny candles. 34 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:55,991 What are you grousing about? 35 00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,285 Oh, nothing, nothing. 36 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,620 [UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON CARD] 37 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,167 Yes, the pageantry never stops. 38 00:02:12,172 --> 00:02:14,174 MARTIN: Mr. Fancy-Pants. 39 00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,760 He's gotta buy a German car. 40 00:02:16,844 --> 00:02:18,678 It's not my fault we broke down. 41 00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:20,972 If you'd bought American, they wouldn't have to tow your car 42 00:02:21,056 --> 00:02:22,723 halfway across the state to get it fixed. 43 00:02:22,807 --> 00:02:24,934 That's why I always buy American. 44 00:02:25,018 --> 00:02:27,686 You break down, you just drive to the nearest garage. 45 00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:30,898 I could break down all alone in the middle of Alaska. 46 00:02:30,982 --> 00:02:32,774 A thought to raise all our spirits. 47 00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:36,569 This traffic is murder. 48 00:02:36,653 --> 00:02:37,737 I'd suggest we walk home, 49 00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:40,240 but I'm afraid what the humidity will do to these loafers. 50 00:02:40,324 --> 00:02:41,617 Does calfskin pucker? 51 00:02:42,658 --> 00:02:45,118 Yes, Niles, that's why on humid farms, 52 00:02:45,202 --> 00:02:47,872 the calf is the most made-fun-of of all the animals. 53 00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,584 There's no point in being snide. 54 00:02:53,668 --> 00:02:55,211 We'll be here for a while. 55 00:02:55,295 --> 00:02:57,588 Might as well try and make pleasant conversation. 56 00:02:57,672 --> 00:02:59,883 We are a family. It shouldn't be that hard. 57 00:03:06,388 --> 00:03:07,765 So you been driving long? 58 00:03:08,974 --> 00:03:10,183 Not really. 59 00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,977 Bet you got good stories, though. 60 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,979 Ever hear of a woman having a baby in a cab? 61 00:03:15,063 --> 00:03:17,439 -Oh. It's a classic. -We've all heard that one. 62 00:03:17,523 --> 00:03:20,985 -That happen in this cab? -No. I think it's about to. 63 00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:23,488 -You're pregnant? -Yes. Ow! 64 00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:26,823 Don't panic, miss. It may be false labor. 65 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:30,493 My water just broke. [GASPS] I'm in a puddle of water. 66 00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,412 Calfskin! Calfskin! 67 00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:37,624 -The closest hospital is First Methodist. -We'll never make it. 68 00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:39,209 Miss, you'd better pull over. 69 00:03:39,293 --> 00:03:41,504 -Try to park facing downhill. -Niles! 70 00:03:42,338 --> 00:03:44,214 I can't have my baby here. 71 00:03:44,298 --> 00:03:46,799 There's no need to be concerned. 72 00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:49,468 You are in the presence of two trained medical professionals. 73 00:03:49,552 --> 00:03:50,804 Niles, help the woman. 74 00:03:52,806 --> 00:03:54,506 -DRIVER: Hurry! -I know. I know. 75 00:03:56,642 --> 00:03:58,351 -[SCREAMS] -[BOTH SHOUTING] 76 00:03:58,435 --> 00:04:00,395 FRASIER: Other door! The other door! 77 00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:02,398 Oh, for goodness' sake. 78 00:04:03,315 --> 00:04:05,401 Hello, is anybody there? Come in. 79 00:04:06,275 --> 00:04:10,070 Now, the most important thing you can do is breathe deeply. Do as I do. 80 00:04:10,154 --> 00:04:13,324 -Hee, hoo, hee, hoo… -Hoo, hee, hoo… 81 00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:15,409 Do you feel faint or short of breath? 82 00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:16,535 Yes, both of those. 83 00:04:16,619 --> 00:04:18,411 [NILES, DRIVER BREATHING DEEPLY] 84 00:04:18,495 --> 00:04:20,121 DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Hello? Go ahead. 85 00:04:20,205 --> 00:04:24,167 Yeah, I'm calling from Cab Number 804. 86 00:04:24,251 --> 00:04:25,460 This is an emergency. 87 00:04:25,544 --> 00:04:28,587 Your driver, Arleen, just went into labor. 88 00:04:28,671 --> 00:04:30,756 We're at the corner of 14th and Sycamore. 89 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:34,801 -We need an ambulance now. Do you hear me? -Yes, I'll get right on it. 90 00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:37,012 -Aah! It hurts. -It's natural. 91 00:04:37,096 --> 00:04:39,680 -No, you're squeezing my hand! -Oh. 92 00:04:39,764 --> 00:04:43,768 -Get a hold of yourself, Niles! -I only did this once, in medical school. 93 00:04:43,852 --> 00:04:45,770 All I remember is a bright light and lots of blood, 94 00:04:45,854 --> 00:04:48,439 then a linoleum floor hurtling toward my forehead. 95 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,440 You fainted? 96 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,776 Oh, switch places with me and see how you do. 97 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,236 FRASIER: Good God, Niles. That's it. 98 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,822 I'll do this. 99 00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:58,572 -Get… -NILES: Moving. 100 00:04:58,656 --> 00:05:00,699 The baby's really coming now. I feel it. 101 00:05:00,783 --> 00:05:03,160 When he does come, I'll catch him. 102 00:05:03,244 --> 00:05:05,246 Just continue with your breathing. 103 00:05:08,999 --> 00:05:12,002 Don't feel guilty for having your baby in a cab. 104 00:05:12,627 --> 00:05:14,295 There's nothing to be ashamed of. 105 00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:16,631 Many great Americans have been born this way. 106 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,009 Cab Calloway comes to mind. 107 00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:24,388 My particular area of medicine is psychiatry. 108 00:05:24,472 --> 00:05:27,599 I specialize in the head, not the lower body. 109 00:05:27,683 --> 00:05:29,142 It's less messy that way. 110 00:05:29,226 --> 00:05:31,519 Not that your lower portion is messy. 111 00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:32,770 It's quite beautiful. 112 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:34,647 -Not that I'm looking! -[SCREAMS] 113 00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:38,234 -Is the pain that bad? -No, you're driving me crazy! 114 00:05:38,985 --> 00:05:40,568 Don't drive her crazy. 115 00:05:40,652 --> 00:05:43,352 -MARTIN: Move it out, come on. -FRASIER: All right. 116 00:05:43,989 --> 00:05:46,616 -You a doctor too? -No, a retired cop. 117 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,702 Well, what took you so long? 118 00:05:48,786 --> 00:05:50,286 It's really hurting. 119 00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:52,955 Everything's gonna be just fine. 120 00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:58,002 I've delivered more than a few babies, and some are older than you are now. 121 00:05:58,086 --> 00:06:00,963 Frasier will hold your hand and help with your breathing, 122 00:06:01,047 --> 00:06:03,172 and Niles will look out for an ambulance, 123 00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:06,050 and I'll get ready to bring your beautiful baby into this world. 124 00:06:06,134 --> 00:06:07,385 -Okay? -Okay. 125 00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:08,845 Are there any questions? 126 00:06:08,929 --> 00:06:10,806 Should our meter still be running? 127 00:06:11,348 --> 00:06:12,431 [SCREAMS] 128 00:06:15,559 --> 00:06:17,019 DAPHNE: Hello? 129 00:06:17,103 --> 00:06:18,187 Are you back yet? 130 00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:23,483 [DOOR OPENS] 131 00:06:30,782 --> 00:06:32,991 Well, go on, turn your heads. 132 00:06:43,043 --> 00:06:44,085 Okay. 133 00:06:44,627 --> 00:06:47,671 So I guess you've had some excitement tonight. 134 00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:48,673 No, I haven't. 135 00:06:52,176 --> 00:06:55,219 Your father made it sound exciting on the phone, 136 00:06:55,303 --> 00:06:57,597 delivering a baby in a taxi. 137 00:06:57,681 --> 00:07:00,224 Oh, that. I don't think of that as excitement 138 00:07:00,308 --> 00:07:03,728 as much as my duty to use those skills I honed in medical school. 139 00:07:03,812 --> 00:07:06,981 Yes, Niles ran to a falafel stand for a pot of hot water. 140 00:07:09,650 --> 00:07:14,612 I can't get over that feeling of being there when a person's life begins. 141 00:07:14,696 --> 00:07:17,573 One minute, it's this blob in some lady's stomach, 142 00:07:17,657 --> 00:07:19,366 next minute, it's a person. 143 00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:21,369 Blob… [SNAPS FINGERS] …person. 144 00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:26,248 The miracle of birth summed up in one poetic phrase. 145 00:07:27,875 --> 00:07:31,169 I bet you have fond memories of when your son was born. 146 00:07:31,253 --> 00:07:32,754 Oh, yes, of course. 147 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:37,216 I remember the first time I held him in my arms as a newborn, 148 00:07:37,717 --> 00:07:41,386 it was as if everything else in the universe simply melted away. 149 00:07:41,470 --> 00:07:43,806 There was just a father, a son, 150 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,641 and the distant sound of Lilith saying, 151 00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:50,854 "If you come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle." 152 00:07:53,523 --> 00:07:56,858 At least nowadays fathers get to see their sons be born. 153 00:07:56,942 --> 00:07:59,444 In my day, they stuck us in the waiting room, 154 00:07:59,528 --> 00:08:02,364 smoking cigarettes and reading LIFE magazine. 155 00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:06,785 I can still remember the article I was reading when Niles was born. 156 00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:08,569 -It was about Mickey Mantle. -Oh. 157 00:08:09,996 --> 00:08:12,874 Talk about life setting you up for a fall. 158 00:08:15,293 --> 00:08:18,711 -It's been a long night. I'm turning in. -Night, Dad. 159 00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:23,425 I can't wait to see what dreams I have after all this talk about childbearing. 160 00:08:24,259 --> 00:08:26,803 Probably that one where me mother says, 161 00:08:26,887 --> 00:08:31,265 "Daphne, you're 50 and you've never given me grandchildren." 162 00:08:31,349 --> 00:08:36,019 So I say, "That was my choice. I was thinking of my career." 163 00:08:36,103 --> 00:08:39,105 "Oh, sure. But did you ever think of me?" 164 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:42,900 "Mother, I don't want to start this again. Just drop it." 165 00:08:42,984 --> 00:08:46,112 "Oh, but will she drop it?" "Oh, shut up, Mother!" 166 00:08:46,196 --> 00:08:49,365 "Don't you take that tone of voice with me. You're blaming…" 167 00:08:50,658 --> 00:08:53,118 I wonder how many more people she's got in there. 168 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,960 -Sherry, Niles? -Uh, no, thank you. 169 00:09:03,044 --> 00:09:05,672 You seem awfully reflective. Something on your mind? 170 00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:07,272 NILES: Actually, yes. 171 00:09:08,341 --> 00:09:12,552 For months, I've noticed my thoughts drifting to the same subject: 172 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,138 Will I ever be a father? 173 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,265 -Ah. -There are pros and cons. 174 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:22,394 But watching that child's birth, I realized it's something I really want. 175 00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:23,437 I think. 176 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,609 It's natural to have parental stirrings at your age. 177 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:32,278 No, no. This is more than stirrings. I wake up nights thinking about it. 178 00:09:32,362 --> 00:09:34,655 -Have you talked this over with Maris? -Not yet. 179 00:09:34,739 --> 00:09:37,158 I like to know what I want before Maris tells me. 180 00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:44,956 I'm just not sure I'm really ready for fatherhood. 181 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,375 Niles, no one is ever sure. 182 00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:51,171 In schools these days, teenagers who are thinking about becoming parents 183 00:09:51,255 --> 00:09:53,422 are given a sack of flour 184 00:09:53,506 --> 00:09:56,550 to keep for a week as though it were a baby. 185 00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:57,468 You're kidding. 186 00:09:57,552 --> 00:10:01,263 No. They hold it, they care for it, never let it out of their sight. 187 00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:05,516 It gives them a good idea of the responsibility of being a parent. 188 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,812 Hmm. Very clever. What could be better than hands-on experience? 189 00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:10,647 Might be worth a try. 190 00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,397 -I wasn't suggesting… -Why not? 191 00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:15,692 This is the perfect week. Maris is away. I'm desperate to resolve the issue. 192 00:10:15,776 --> 00:10:17,236 Where do you keep the flour? 193 00:10:19,697 --> 00:10:21,397 -In the kitchen. -In the kitchen. 194 00:10:21,866 --> 00:10:23,658 The cabinet next to the sink. 195 00:10:24,743 --> 00:10:26,286 Yes, here it is. 196 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,121 "Extra-refined." 197 00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:31,041 It's taking after its old man already. 198 00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,167 No, Niles, that's the sugar. 199 00:10:34,251 --> 00:10:36,086 If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right. 200 00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:37,880 Now, here is the flour. 201 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:44,594 Hmm. "Bleached, 100% fat-free, best when kept in an airtight container." 202 00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:47,680 Seems this one's taking after its mother. 203 00:10:51,434 --> 00:10:53,436 [PEOPLE CHATTERING] 204 00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:01,776 -Hello, Niles. -Hello. May I join you? 205 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:03,528 Or should I say, "May we?" 206 00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:05,863 Mais oui. 207 00:11:07,907 --> 00:11:10,367 I see you're still continuing with our little baby experiment. 208 00:11:10,451 --> 00:11:13,287 Yes. And it's been quite a learning experience. 209 00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:15,454 [GRUNTS] Not easy, though. 210 00:11:15,538 --> 00:11:17,123 I take him everywhere, 211 00:11:17,207 --> 00:11:20,668 get up for 2 a.m. feedings, the whole exhausting nine yards. 212 00:11:21,711 --> 00:11:23,629 What a beautiful baby. 213 00:11:23,713 --> 00:11:25,423 -How old is he? -Eight weeks. 214 00:11:25,507 --> 00:11:27,508 -Oh. Great age, isn't it? -Mm-hm. 215 00:11:34,014 --> 00:11:35,265 -FRASIER: Niles? -Mm-hm? 216 00:11:35,349 --> 00:11:39,018 I can't help noticing that your child has a little boo-boo. 217 00:11:39,852 --> 00:11:42,938 Oh. It's nothing. I was playing him some Brahms. 218 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:44,622 Never too early to ingrain them. 219 00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:49,902 I must have begun conducting with one of the gilded chopsticks 220 00:11:49,986 --> 00:11:52,886 Maris wears in her bun, and I accidentally ran him through. 221 00:11:54,366 --> 00:11:56,827 What young parent doesn't tell that story? 222 00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:05,834 The scuffs were the fault of my new houseman, Ngee. 223 00:12:05,918 --> 00:12:06,918 What did Gee do? 224 00:12:07,002 --> 00:12:08,336 No, it's "Ngee." 225 00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:10,796 -Guy. -No, with the back of the throat. "Ngee." 226 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,799 Nge… Oh, who cares? What did he do? 227 00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:17,053 He'd just given my car a shine, 228 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:21,140 when I set the baby on the roof and down it went onto the driveway. 229 00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:24,967 Would you watch him while I order? 230 00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:30,064 ROZ: Hey, Fras. 231 00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,440 This seat taken? 232 00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:32,400 Well, actually… 233 00:12:33,025 --> 00:12:33,860 No. 234 00:12:38,156 --> 00:12:40,865 You'll be happy to know that Clarence is doing better. 235 00:12:40,949 --> 00:12:42,158 I just dropped his card off. 236 00:12:42,242 --> 00:12:44,786 -Clarence? -Yeah, the guard. 237 00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:47,622 Oh, down at the station. Oh, yes. Good. 238 00:12:47,706 --> 00:12:48,831 I didn't know he was sick. 239 00:12:48,915 --> 00:12:50,465 You signed his "get well" card. 240 00:12:52,084 --> 00:12:53,544 That wasn't a birthday card? 241 00:12:55,254 --> 00:12:58,507 No, he's in the hospital having a kidney transplant. 242 00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:00,257 Oh, my God. 243 00:13:00,341 --> 00:13:02,176 I thought it was his birthday. 244 00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:05,680 I wrote, "You're not getting older, just closer to death." 245 00:13:10,018 --> 00:13:12,102 How could you think it was his birthday? 246 00:13:12,186 --> 00:13:15,063 I didn't recognize the traditional card 247 00:13:15,147 --> 00:13:17,273 for a man in an advanced stage of kidney failure, 248 00:13:17,357 --> 00:13:18,817 a giant pink bunny rabbit. 249 00:13:20,777 --> 00:13:21,985 Do you think he's read it yet? 250 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,113 No, he was sleeping when I left. 251 00:13:24,197 --> 00:13:27,950 I'll look like a callous fool. We've got to get that card back. 252 00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:29,451 NILES: How can you be leaving? [GASPS] 253 00:13:29,535 --> 00:13:31,745 -I asked you to babysit! -Oh, Niles. 254 00:13:32,329 --> 00:13:35,289 I don't have time to stand here and listen to your insanity. 255 00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:38,273 I have to go steal a "get well" card from a kidney patient. 256 00:13:43,047 --> 00:13:45,049 DAPHNE: What does that say? "Geb"? 257 00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,467 No, it's "get." 258 00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,177 "Get well soon. Love, Andrea." 259 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,847 Just copy it down, move on to the next name. 260 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:57,768 We have to transfer all the names onto the new card quickly. 261 00:13:57,852 --> 00:13:59,437 I want to get it back there tonight. 262 00:13:59,521 --> 00:14:03,148 So you snuck into a man's hospital room and stole his card? 263 00:14:03,232 --> 00:14:04,732 I did not sneak in. 264 00:14:04,816 --> 00:14:07,611 Luckily, he was in extreme pain and heavily sedated. 265 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,198 This never would've happened if you'd found out who this Clarence was. 266 00:14:12,282 --> 00:14:14,908 You never pay attention to the little people. 267 00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:18,203 Yes, why don't we invite all the commoners over 268 00:14:18,287 --> 00:14:20,956 to drag me to the town square and give me a good stoning? 269 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,749 [DOORBELL RINGS] 270 00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:25,627 That must be Niles. He's gonna take me to the hospital. 271 00:14:27,629 --> 00:14:29,229 -Hello, Niles. -Hello, Frasier. 272 00:14:42,685 --> 00:14:44,269 What are you doing with that? 273 00:14:44,353 --> 00:14:47,396 Forging a parent-child bond that will last forever. 274 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,441 That's a relief. I was afraid it might be something stupid. 275 00:14:54,112 --> 00:14:56,279 I don't wear this in public. 276 00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:58,823 I just wanted the complete picture of parenthood. 277 00:14:58,907 --> 00:15:00,825 -And? -It's driving me batty. 278 00:15:00,909 --> 00:15:01,743 Ooh. 279 00:15:06,163 --> 00:15:09,458 [GROANS] The feedings every two hours, 280 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,168 constant monitoring where he is. 281 00:15:11,252 --> 00:15:13,754 I can see how parents can be obsessed with worry. 282 00:15:13,838 --> 00:15:17,089 Last night, I had a dream my flour sack was abducted 283 00:15:17,173 --> 00:15:20,093 and the kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail. 284 00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:31,686 Well, on the plus side, I've learned a lot. 285 00:15:31,770 --> 00:15:35,149 If I ever go through the real thing, I'll make a wonderful parent. 286 00:15:39,694 --> 00:15:42,196 Niles, what has happened to your child? 287 00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:48,368 I was practicing my tai chi exercises, and I accidentally kicked him 288 00:15:48,452 --> 00:15:49,786 into the reflecting pool. 289 00:15:51,913 --> 00:15:55,213 That's when I brought him inside and left him by the hearth to dry. 290 00:15:58,127 --> 00:15:59,462 He caught on fire? 291 00:16:02,006 --> 00:16:03,632 It was not as careless as you make it seem. 292 00:16:03,716 --> 00:16:07,219 A real child would have cried before it burst into flames. 293 00:16:13,892 --> 00:16:15,643 [ALARM BEEPING] 294 00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,979 Oh, oh, oh. Time for his nap. 295 00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,275 -Turn him over if he starts fussing. -No. 296 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,237 I'm role-playing, Dad. 297 00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,322 Try playing the role of a sane person. 298 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:41,374 So, Niles, any closer to making a decision about fatherhood? 299 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,167 To tell you the truth, no. 300 00:16:43,251 --> 00:16:46,754 One minute, I think there's no chance I'll ever be able to stand the stress, 301 00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:50,716 the next, I'm daydreaming about taking my son on his first trip to the museum 302 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,052 or listening to him pick out his first feeble "Für Elise" on the piano, 303 00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:56,138 and I swear there are tears in my eyes. 304 00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:57,682 [EDDIE SNARLING] 305 00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:05,730 -Oh, dear. -What? 306 00:17:06,356 --> 00:17:07,189 Eddie. 307 00:17:07,273 --> 00:17:09,067 [AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] That dingo's got your baby. 308 00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,569 Oh, God! 309 00:17:12,653 --> 00:17:15,071 Eddie! Dad, get… Oh! Bad dog! 310 00:17:15,155 --> 00:17:18,325 DAPHNE: Oh, don't worry. I'll clean up that mess, Dr. Crane. 311 00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:21,869 Oh, my… For God's sake, Niles, calm down. 312 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:24,121 I think it's time you realized something. 313 00:17:24,205 --> 00:17:25,581 That is not a person. 314 00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:27,166 It's a bag of flour. 315 00:17:28,042 --> 00:17:30,044 There's an easy trick to tell the difference. 316 00:17:30,128 --> 00:17:33,380 People don't come with recipes on their backs. 317 00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,090 This whole thing's stupid. 318 00:17:36,174 --> 00:17:38,509 We're talking about having a baby here. 319 00:17:38,593 --> 00:17:40,386 You don't make that decision intellectually. 320 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,431 You make it in here, in your gut. 321 00:17:43,222 --> 00:17:45,682 You must have a gut feeling. What is it? 322 00:17:45,766 --> 00:17:47,768 -I'm not sure. -You'd better be. 323 00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:51,438 No amount of thinking can prepare you for having a kid. 324 00:17:51,522 --> 00:17:52,980 It's hard. 325 00:17:53,064 --> 00:17:54,690 Full of surprises. 326 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:58,486 Maybe your kid won't wanna take piano lessons or go to the museum. 327 00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:01,620 -He might wanna go to a baseball game. -Don't even say that. 328 00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:05,784 Just trust yourself. 329 00:18:05,868 --> 00:18:07,995 You'll know if it's right or not. 330 00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:14,333 I'm finished, if you're ready to take me to the hospital. 331 00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:20,422 I'm beginning to wonder if this experiment wasn't just a way of convincing myself 332 00:18:20,506 --> 00:18:23,217 I'm ready for something when I know I'm not. 333 00:18:24,342 --> 00:18:25,469 What do you mean? 334 00:18:26,428 --> 00:18:27,929 I want to have a baby. 335 00:18:29,306 --> 00:18:30,932 But I just don't want it enough. 336 00:18:34,478 --> 00:18:35,436 [SIGHS] 337 00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:38,370 That's the hardest thing I've ever had to admit. 338 00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,065 Why do you say that? 339 00:18:40,149 --> 00:18:42,735 Oh… Because it's so selfish. 340 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,279 I'm the right age, I have the money, the energy. 341 00:18:47,113 --> 00:18:50,533 It's only selfish when people have babies for the wrong reasons. 342 00:18:51,409 --> 00:18:54,412 More people should find out if they're ready. 343 00:18:55,079 --> 00:18:58,081 Anyway, just because you feel this way now, doesn't mean 344 00:18:58,791 --> 00:19:01,291 that things can't change a few years down the line. 345 00:19:01,835 --> 00:19:03,003 Perhaps you're right. 346 00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:06,422 Maris and I will be over 40 then. 347 00:19:07,465 --> 00:19:10,551 Maybe it wouldn't hurt to look into getting her eggs frozen. 348 00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:15,890 Oh, I suspect they're only a few degrees away from that now. 349 00:19:21,186 --> 00:19:23,855 You're going to a lot of trouble for this Clarence. Who is he? 350 00:19:23,939 --> 00:19:25,815 Beats me. Some guy at the station. 351 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:26,900 Shh. 352 00:19:42,372 --> 00:19:44,915 [UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON CARD] 353 00:19:44,999 --> 00:19:46,000 Oh! 354 00:19:49,086 --> 00:19:50,462 Dr. Crane! 355 00:19:51,088 --> 00:19:53,131 -It's Clarence. -Oh. 356 00:19:53,215 --> 00:19:55,425 You weren't in there looking for me, were you? 357 00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:58,552 -As a matter of fact, I was. -They changed my room. 358 00:19:58,636 --> 00:20:01,180 Oh. This is so sweet of you. 359 00:20:01,264 --> 00:20:06,518 Clarence is such a fixture at the station, it just hasn't felt the same without him. 360 00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:08,812 You find the time to come here, 361 00:20:08,896 --> 00:20:11,773 while the rest of those bums at the station 362 00:20:11,857 --> 00:20:13,650 don't even send me a card. 363 00:20:14,818 --> 00:20:19,572 Actually, Clarence, there's… There's an explanation for that. 364 00:20:20,155 --> 00:20:23,105 -[UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING ON CARD] -MAN: Make the music stop! 365 00:20:29,415 --> 00:20:32,709 You see, the others at the station don't know you the way I do. 366 00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:36,837 Yes. Uh, well, listen, you get yourself well and get back there. 367 00:20:36,921 --> 00:20:40,465 I miss seeing you every time I walk by the… 368 00:20:42,301 --> 00:20:43,594 Place you tend to be. 369 00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:46,805 Niles? 370 00:20:46,889 --> 00:20:47,764 Niles? 371 00:20:50,475 --> 00:20:52,727 Niles. What are you doing? 372 00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,603 Looking at these babies, 373 00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,315 I can't help wondering if I made the right decision. 374 00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,775 -Niles. -Look at them. 375 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:03,236 They're healthy, beautiful, lovable… 376 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,154 Flammable. 377 00:21:07,115 --> 00:21:09,075 How can I deny myself this experience? 378 00:21:09,159 --> 00:21:11,536 Maybe I'm more ready for parenthood than I thought. 379 00:21:11,620 --> 00:21:14,579 -Hey, what are you guys doing here? -FRASIER: Arleen! 380 00:21:14,663 --> 00:21:16,790 Funny running into you. And this must be… 381 00:21:16,874 --> 00:21:19,125 -Yes, little Nathan. -FRASIER: Oh. 382 00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:21,044 -Hello. -Oh, look. 383 00:21:21,128 --> 00:21:22,753 I'm so glad I ran into you. 384 00:21:22,837 --> 00:21:25,465 We both want to thank you guys again. 385 00:21:26,174 --> 00:21:28,759 So… would one of you like to hold him? 386 00:21:28,843 --> 00:21:30,052 Ooh. 387 00:21:30,136 --> 00:21:31,095 Yes, I would. 388 00:21:34,431 --> 00:21:35,807 -[NATHAN FUSSES] -Oh, shh. 389 00:21:35,891 --> 00:21:39,185 -Oh, he's beautiful. -[NATHAN CRYING] 390 00:21:39,269 --> 00:21:42,564 Yes, why shouldn't you cry? 391 00:21:43,189 --> 00:21:45,357 Everything's so new to you. 392 00:21:45,441 --> 00:21:47,944 So much life to live. 393 00:21:48,736 --> 00:21:51,154 -No, you've got his leg bent back. -Oh. 394 00:21:51,238 --> 00:21:54,699 Oh, God. Oh, God. Here, you take him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 395 00:21:54,783 --> 00:21:56,450 Well, see you guys. 396 00:21:56,534 --> 00:21:58,495 -Say hi to your dad for me. -Yeah. 397 00:21:59,704 --> 00:22:01,404 Perhaps I made the right decision. 398 00:22:01,706 --> 00:22:03,040 I'd say so, yes. 399 00:22:03,124 --> 00:22:04,625 -Ready to go? -Uh-huh. 400 00:22:16,177 --> 00:22:17,303 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 401 00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:19,907 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 402 00:22:19,991 --> 00:22:22,183 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 403 00:22:23,059 --> 00:22:24,268 Mercy. 404 00:22:24,352 --> 00:22:26,770 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 405 00:22:26,854 --> 00:22:29,272 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 406 00:22:29,356 --> 00:22:31,524 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 407 00:22:31,608 --> 00:22:32,984 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 408 00:22:33,068 --> 00:22:36,779 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 409 00:22:37,571 --> 00:22:40,115 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 410 00:22:40,199 --> 00:22:41,325 Good night!