1 00:00:02,844 --> 00:00:04,512 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,309 --> 00:00:13,228 FRASIER: Ah, yes, another beautiful Saturday night. 3 00:00:14,521 --> 00:00:15,814 The moon is full, 4 00:00:16,648 --> 00:00:18,191 the city lights are twinkling, 5 00:00:18,942 --> 00:00:21,318 lovers steal kisses in the park. 6 00:00:22,611 --> 00:00:23,445 And here… 7 00:00:25,614 --> 00:00:26,448 Chez Crane… 8 00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:32,786 My father and his assistant sit hunched over 20-year-old photographs 9 00:00:32,870 --> 00:00:34,080 of a murdered hooker. 10 00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:37,542 Life is a banquet. 11 00:00:39,292 --> 00:00:41,878 I enjoy looking at your father's old case. 12 00:00:41,962 --> 00:00:45,423 Just because you have no plans tonight, don't spoil our harmless fun. 13 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:49,426 You know, there's nothing we Brits like better than a grisly murder 14 00:00:49,510 --> 00:00:51,220 and a nice hot cup of tea. 15 00:00:51,887 --> 00:00:53,764 I've got a lot of work to do here. 16 00:00:53,848 --> 00:00:56,140 -So, if you don't mind, I… -DAPHNE: excuse me. 17 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,058 I didn't know I was bothering you. 18 00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:00,436 MARTIN: Well, I'm sorry. It's this damn case. 19 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,980 I feel like the answer to who murdered Helen is right here. 20 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,566 -I just can't see it. -FRASIER: You're obsessing. 21 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:10,320 You stare at these grisly pictures day after day, night after night. 22 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,529 Why don't we go out and see a movie? 23 00:01:12,613 --> 00:01:14,656 -No, thanks. -Let's go get a pizza. 24 00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:16,951 -MARTIN: Nah. -Let's get tattooed. 25 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:18,744 Oh… 26 00:01:20,203 --> 00:01:21,204 This is ridiculous! 27 00:01:21,288 --> 00:01:23,164 It's a beautiful night, and I'm not going to miss it. 28 00:01:23,248 --> 00:01:26,960 I'm going to go out and take a nice long walk and I'm not going by myself. 29 00:01:32,381 --> 00:01:35,634 He likes the rhododendrons on the north side of the park. 30 00:01:41,222 --> 00:01:44,225 MARJORIE: And I just want to thank you, Dr. Crane. 31 00:01:44,309 --> 00:01:47,519 Because of your advice, I've conquered my fear of heights. 32 00:01:47,603 --> 00:01:51,189 I took it slowly, gradually going higher and higher, 33 00:01:51,273 --> 00:01:56,109 until here I am right now having lunch at the top of the Space Needle! 34 00:01:56,193 --> 00:01:58,862 Marjorie, congratulations. I'm so proud of you. 35 00:01:58,946 --> 00:02:02,157 I mean, when I think of how I used… [SCREAMING] 36 00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:04,951 God, what's wrong? What happened? 37 00:02:05,035 --> 00:02:06,160 I just looked down. 38 00:02:06,244 --> 00:02:08,246 Oh, well, Marjorie, don't do that. 39 00:02:08,330 --> 00:02:12,040 Look at your luncheon companions, look at your menu, but don't look down. 40 00:02:12,124 --> 00:02:14,376 You're only feeding your fears when you do that. 41 00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:16,878 Maybe I wasn't ready for a window table. 42 00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:19,046 No, no, no, of course you are. 43 00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:21,465 Of course you are. You can beat this thing. 44 00:02:21,549 --> 00:02:24,009 You're right. I can, Dr. Crane. 45 00:02:24,093 --> 00:02:25,595 If I just… [SCREAMS] 46 00:02:26,553 --> 00:02:27,929 Do not look down! 47 00:02:28,013 --> 00:02:29,514 No, I didn't. 48 00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:31,224 My check just came. 49 00:02:35,227 --> 00:02:38,981 Oh, well, Marjorie, we're just about out of time now. 50 00:02:39,065 --> 00:02:40,983 Call me tomorrow, will you? 51 00:02:41,067 --> 00:02:42,234 That's it for today. 52 00:02:42,318 --> 00:02:44,694 Stay tuned for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. 53 00:02:44,778 --> 00:02:48,239 This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780, Talk Radio. 54 00:02:49,658 --> 00:02:50,700 Hey, Doc. 55 00:02:50,784 --> 00:02:51,908 Bulldog. 56 00:02:51,992 --> 00:02:54,092 I caught the first hour of your show today. 57 00:02:54,578 --> 00:02:57,789 If that chick whining about sexual harassment called my show, 58 00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:01,960 I'd say, "Listen, doll, you don't want people snapping your bra, don't wear one." 59 00:03:04,253 --> 00:03:05,672 Brilliant in its simplicity. 60 00:03:08,173 --> 00:03:10,758 Hey, how's this sound, Hard body? 61 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:14,387 You, me, Sonics, Knicks, tonight? 62 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:17,764 Sorry, Bulldog, but I'm already going. I have season tickets. 63 00:03:17,848 --> 00:03:19,766 We could still get together afterwards. 64 00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:22,478 Only if I smash into your car in the parking lot. 65 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:26,670 Why is it the ones that want it the most put up the biggest struggle? 66 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:34,363 Because when I do finally give in, I want us to enjoy it all the more. 67 00:03:36,782 --> 00:03:40,786 That is, if I'm not too distracted by the fact that every man on earth has died. 68 00:03:44,831 --> 00:03:46,124 Almost had her there. 69 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,335 Yes, it could've gone either way. 70 00:03:50,502 --> 00:03:53,338 Oh, well, with my pull, I can get those any time I want. 71 00:03:54,089 --> 00:03:54,964 Hello, Frasier. 72 00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:57,634 Oh, oh. Bulldog, have you met my brother, Niles? 73 00:03:57,718 --> 00:03:59,092 Niles, this is Bulldog Briscoe. 74 00:03:59,176 --> 00:04:01,386 Oh, oh, oh. Just the man I want to talk to. 75 00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:04,181 As a sports expert, I'm sure you can tell me why none of the local media 76 00:04:04,265 --> 00:04:06,350 carry the Ivy League squash standings. 77 00:04:09,811 --> 00:04:12,105 Whoa! Another one just like you! 78 00:04:13,481 --> 00:04:15,649 Did some gypsy put a curse on your family? 79 00:04:17,651 --> 00:04:21,280 -Well, I gotta run. See you later, Miles. -It's, it's Niles. 80 00:04:21,697 --> 00:04:23,489 Heh. Like it matters. 81 00:04:27,744 --> 00:04:31,205 Well, you ready for our boys night out at Le Cochon Noir? 82 00:04:31,289 --> 00:04:32,372 [HORN HONKS] 83 00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:35,292 Yes. 84 00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:37,392 But, Niles, I've been wondering. 85 00:04:38,128 --> 00:04:40,296 Would you mind if I ask Dad to join us? 86 00:04:41,255 --> 00:04:43,507 Remember the last time we took Dad to a four-star restaurant? 87 00:04:43,591 --> 00:04:45,008 He had a miserable time. 88 00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:46,594 Restaurant lost a whole star. 89 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,013 I'm trying desperately to get him out of the house. 90 00:04:51,097 --> 00:04:53,975 He's off on one of his Weeping Lotus binges again. 91 00:04:54,059 --> 00:04:55,810 We've tried distracting him before. 92 00:04:55,894 --> 00:04:59,044 We've taken him everywhere from the arboretum to the Zen garden. 93 00:04:59,521 --> 00:05:02,066 Wait a minute, the Zen garden is at the arboretum. 94 00:05:02,775 --> 00:05:05,575 Good Lord, is it possible we've only taken him one place? 95 00:05:06,944 --> 00:05:08,404 Oh, Niles, Niles, this is it. 96 00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:11,115 -This is it. The basketball game. -Basketball? 97 00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:13,741 Yes, yes, I can get another ticket from the promotional department. 98 00:05:13,825 --> 00:05:14,951 Oh, this is perfect! 99 00:05:15,035 --> 00:05:18,287 Just imagine how excited Dad will be to go to a game with his two sons. 100 00:05:18,371 --> 00:05:21,498 My God, it's the archetypal male bonding ritual. 101 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:25,182 Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something and have done with it? 102 00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:27,754 -All right. -Come on, Niles. 103 00:05:27,838 --> 00:05:30,172 It'll give you a chance to see the Tacoma Dome. 104 00:05:30,256 --> 00:05:32,591 I've already seen it. They had a Home Show there once. 105 00:05:32,675 --> 00:05:33,759 You know, 106 00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:37,543 that's where I got that idea to stencil a grape arbor on our Welsh dresser. 107 00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:39,932 FRASIER: I'm a teamster compared to you. 108 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,018 [BASKETBALL DRIBBLING] 109 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,062 VENDOR: Peanuts! 110 00:05:48,064 --> 00:05:49,398 Peanuts here! 111 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,607 Peanuts! 112 00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:52,276 -Peanuts! -Niles, the game's that way. 113 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:56,321 I know. I'm just calculating our escape route in case of fire or urban unrest. 114 00:05:57,989 --> 00:05:59,240 Maris taught me that. 115 00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,742 Oh, you love her, don't you? 116 00:06:00,826 --> 00:06:02,493 Yes, I do. Why? 117 00:06:02,577 --> 00:06:03,953 It just helps to know that. 118 00:06:04,995 --> 00:06:10,125 Here we are, one beer and two glasses of wine. 119 00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:13,709 I'm sure it's good, Niles. They opened a fresh box when they poured it. 120 00:06:13,837 --> 00:06:15,838 What are you guys doing drinking wine at a ball game? 121 00:06:15,922 --> 00:06:17,298 You ought to be drinking beer. 122 00:06:17,382 --> 00:06:21,218 Dad, I only drink beer when I eat German food, which is to say never. 123 00:06:23,595 --> 00:06:25,680 Did you notice where the facilities are when you were up? 124 00:06:25,764 --> 00:06:28,390 Yes, Niles. It's just as you feared: communal urinals in the men's room. 125 00:06:28,474 --> 00:06:31,853 Oh, fine. What am I supposed to do about my shy kidneys? 126 00:06:33,187 --> 00:06:35,587 -So, Dad, aren't these great seats, huh? -Yeah. 127 00:06:36,857 --> 00:06:37,774 What's the matter? 128 00:06:37,858 --> 00:06:40,068 Nothing. Let me borrow your pen a minute, will you? 129 00:06:40,152 --> 00:06:40,985 What for? 130 00:06:41,069 --> 00:06:43,071 I was thinking about that ballistics report. 131 00:06:43,155 --> 00:06:44,781 I wanna make a note so I won't forget it. 132 00:06:44,865 --> 00:06:48,366 The whole idea of coming here was to get your mind off of the case. 133 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:51,036 Listen, I've done some reading. 134 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,413 It seems that the key to the Sonics is to stop Starks 135 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:57,374 from penetrating and dumping the ball off for easy baskets. 136 00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:00,127 Stop Starks. That sounds funny. Stop Starks. 137 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,711 Stop Starks. Stop Starks. Stop Starks. 138 00:07:01,795 --> 00:07:02,963 Oh, shut up, Niles! 139 00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,425 -It makes no sense. -Dad, it's not my theory. 140 00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:09,260 I'm just quoting some sportswriter. 141 00:07:09,344 --> 00:07:10,969 No, I mean, Helen. She was tall. 142 00:07:11,053 --> 00:07:14,473 She was 5'7", yet the bullet entered on a downward trajectory. 143 00:07:14,557 --> 00:07:16,266 Dad, please, try to participate. 144 00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:17,684 Oh, look, they're starting the wave! 145 00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:20,268 Oh, oh, it's coming this way! It's coming this way! 146 00:07:23,398 --> 00:07:24,816 That was fun, wasn't it? 147 00:07:25,442 --> 00:07:27,651 Oh, look, there's a peanut guy. Peanuts! 148 00:07:29,153 --> 00:07:31,488 -How dare you? -Niles. 149 00:07:32,573 --> 00:07:33,574 Stop it! 150 00:07:35,241 --> 00:07:37,409 That hooligan is pelting me with peanuts. 151 00:07:37,493 --> 00:07:39,453 From the look of that tray… Oh, he's over there! Stop! 152 00:07:39,537 --> 00:07:40,997 Stop it! That is for me! 153 00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:43,623 I've gotta go make a call. 154 00:07:43,707 --> 00:07:46,418 -Dad, this isn't about the case, is it? -Yeah. 155 00:07:47,252 --> 00:07:49,003 You've been working on it for 20 years. 156 00:07:49,087 --> 00:07:50,380 How come you're so obsessed now? 157 00:07:50,464 --> 00:07:53,715 Look, when Helen was murdered, I made a promise to her mother. 158 00:07:53,799 --> 00:07:56,260 I said that no matter how long it took, I'd find the killer. 159 00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:59,513 Well, I had a call from her last week, 160 00:07:59,597 --> 00:08:02,348 and she's an old lady now living in a home somewhere. 161 00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:05,059 I don't know, she just doesn't seem to have a lot longer to go. 162 00:08:05,143 --> 00:08:08,311 And it just kind of lit a fire under me to get this thing solved. 163 00:08:08,395 --> 00:08:11,565 So I appreciate you bringing me, but I gotta make this call. 164 00:08:11,649 --> 00:08:14,151 -I'll be back in a couple of minutes. -Okay, Dad. 165 00:08:14,235 --> 00:08:15,194 I understand. 166 00:08:17,403 --> 00:08:20,239 Boy, the traffic tonight is murder. 167 00:08:20,323 --> 00:08:22,074 Hey, pal, what's the score? 168 00:08:22,158 --> 00:08:23,200 West Side Story. 169 00:08:23,284 --> 00:08:24,494 [CROWD CHEERING] 170 00:08:30,165 --> 00:08:34,001 You know what's always bugged me? This picture of the crime scene. 171 00:08:34,085 --> 00:08:35,919 The way Helen's written "help." 172 00:08:36,003 --> 00:08:37,588 Why would she do that? 173 00:08:37,672 --> 00:08:39,715 Well, I suppose the word "howdy" 174 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,800 would've been a bit too cheery under the circumstances. 175 00:08:42,884 --> 00:08:44,927 But it makes no sense. 176 00:08:45,011 --> 00:08:48,723 Anybody who could read "help" in the dirt could also see Helen lying there. 177 00:08:50,808 --> 00:08:52,392 -Evening, Dad. -Hey, Dad. 178 00:08:52,476 --> 00:08:54,644 Thanks again for the ball game. It was great. 179 00:08:54,728 --> 00:08:56,271 Oh, God, it was a pleasure, Dad. 180 00:08:56,355 --> 00:08:59,273 I'm only sorry that you couldn't join us for dinner afterwards. 181 00:08:59,357 --> 00:09:02,943 Le Cochon Noir gave us a late seating for a fabulous dinner. 182 00:09:03,027 --> 00:09:04,945 It was an exquisite meal, marred only 183 00:09:05,029 --> 00:09:08,740 by the lack of even one outstanding cognac on their carte de digestife. 184 00:09:09,908 --> 00:09:11,758 Yes, but think of it this way, Niles. 185 00:09:12,244 --> 00:09:15,579 What's the one thing better than an exquisite meal? 186 00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:22,128 An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night. 187 00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:24,962 Quite right. 188 00:09:25,046 --> 00:09:26,506 To impossible standards. 189 00:09:30,385 --> 00:09:33,386 Ah. So, Dad, any progress on the case? 190 00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:35,139 Nah, I'm beat. 191 00:09:35,973 --> 00:09:38,308 Sometimes it's better to just get a good night's sleep 192 00:09:38,392 --> 00:09:39,559 and start fresh in the morning. 193 00:09:39,643 --> 00:09:41,477 -Good night, fellas. -FRASIER: Night, Dad. 194 00:09:41,561 --> 00:09:43,812 Don't forget, brush your teeth and say your prayers. 195 00:09:43,896 --> 00:09:47,646 [LAUGHS] That's what I used to say to you guys when you were kids, didn't I? 196 00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:49,275 No, you didn't. 197 00:09:49,359 --> 00:09:50,319 MARTIN: Oh. 198 00:09:52,321 --> 00:09:54,156 -I meant to. -We knew that. 199 00:09:56,491 --> 00:09:58,575 -Hello. -Hello, Daphne. 200 00:09:58,659 --> 00:09:59,952 How was your dinner? 201 00:10:00,036 --> 00:10:01,995 It was fine except for one small flaw. 202 00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:03,706 Oh, just the way you like it. 203 00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:10,002 I see you're a bit intrigued by that yourself. 204 00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,672 Yes, well, it's been a while since I've gone over this. 205 00:10:12,756 --> 00:10:13,797 Who are these guys? 206 00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:17,509 Oh, just some of the principal players in our little drama. 207 00:10:17,593 --> 00:10:21,513 That's Detective Shelby, the vice cop who found the body. 208 00:10:21,597 --> 00:10:24,014 Who is this menacing little monobrow? 209 00:10:24,098 --> 00:10:26,392 Oh, that's Robitaille, the logger. 210 00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:28,018 An ex-boyfriend of Helen's. 211 00:10:28,102 --> 00:10:30,395 He used to come down from the mountains every couple of months 212 00:10:30,479 --> 00:10:31,479 and disappear with her. 213 00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:33,356 If you ask me, he's the murderer. 214 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,482 Impossible. 215 00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:36,609 -He's got an airtight alibi. -What is it? 216 00:10:36,693 --> 00:10:38,861 He was killing somebody else at the time. 217 00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:44,741 But you have to admit, this case has it all: 218 00:10:44,825 --> 00:10:49,662 sex, greed, jealousy, revenge, a monkey, hatred, deception… 219 00:10:49,746 --> 00:10:51,372 -Wait, wait, wait! -What? 220 00:10:51,456 --> 00:10:52,957 -A monkey? -Well, yeah. 221 00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:57,377 This is a snapshot of the murder victim with her pet monkey, Coco. 222 00:10:57,461 --> 00:11:01,215 It was given to her by another boyfriend, Clive Brisbane. 223 00:11:02,257 --> 00:11:04,216 Well, why wasn't Brisbane a suspect? 224 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,427 Yeah, well, he was, but several witnesses 225 00:11:06,511 --> 00:11:08,637 saw him at the racetrack at the time of the murder. 226 00:11:08,721 --> 00:11:11,015 Excuse me. Is that Clive Brisbane the animal trainer? 227 00:11:11,099 --> 00:11:13,891 That's right. Brisbane's Amazing Apes. 228 00:11:13,975 --> 00:11:16,853 They opened in Las Vegas for Englebert Humperdinck. 229 00:11:19,898 --> 00:11:21,732 Yes, it's easy to forget there was time when 230 00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:24,193 Las Vegas wasn't the tacky place it is now. 231 00:11:26,278 --> 00:11:30,406 You know, I actually caught Brisbane's act on a trip to Las Vegas during college. 232 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,658 Those apes were amazing! 233 00:11:32,742 --> 00:11:35,661 One minute they'd be staging a living tableau 234 00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:37,329 of George Washington crossing the Delaware, 235 00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:39,831 and the next they'd be shooting suction-cup arrows 236 00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:42,334 at Brisbane's lovely assistant's derriere. 237 00:11:47,171 --> 00:11:48,172 You know… 238 00:11:49,549 --> 00:11:53,218 There is a way that Brisbane could be the killer 239 00:11:53,302 --> 00:11:55,637 and still have his horse-track alibi hold up. 240 00:11:56,638 --> 00:11:58,723 Daphne, Niles. 241 00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:02,977 I present you with… the killer! 242 00:12:08,566 --> 00:12:10,149 A monkey was the trigger man? 243 00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:11,942 Just play along with me here. 244 00:12:12,026 --> 00:12:13,862 They're capable of shooting arrows. 245 00:12:14,487 --> 00:12:15,613 Why not a gun? 246 00:12:15,697 --> 00:12:18,740 But why would Brisbane have her killed? 247 00:12:18,824 --> 00:12:23,203 Because… because she jilted him for someone else. 248 00:12:23,287 --> 00:12:24,829 Robitaille the logger! 249 00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:28,082 -Exactly! My God, we've done it! -No, you've done it, Dr. Crane! 250 00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,543 Well, yes, but you were standing very close by. 251 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:38,007 Wait a minute, are we saying here that a murder was committed by a monkey? 252 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,594 It's not so very far-fetched. 253 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,638 It could be Brisbane's diabolical homage 254 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,724 to the Edgar Allen Poe story, Murders in the Rue Morgue. 255 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,977 It's all about an orangutan who goes about the rooftops of Paris murdering people. 256 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,479 Wait till we tell Dad his case has finally been solved. 257 00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:55,856 -Dad! Dad! Come out! -No, no, no, Niles, Niles, wait, wait. 258 00:12:55,940 --> 00:12:57,233 It's still just a theory. 259 00:12:58,109 --> 00:13:00,318 Even if we are right, think how Dad will feel knowing that 260 00:13:00,402 --> 00:13:03,947 we've cracked a case that he couldn't solve in 20 years. 261 00:13:04,990 --> 00:13:06,283 Dear, you're right. 262 00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:10,202 Wait. It's merely serendipity that I stumbled into this. 263 00:13:10,286 --> 00:13:12,162 Why can't it happen again? 264 00:13:12,246 --> 00:13:16,999 I'll simply rearrange the photos in a way so that Dad will see the connection. 265 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:22,505 All right, we've got Coco, the gun, and Helen. 266 00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:23,881 MARTIN: What is it? 267 00:13:23,965 --> 00:13:26,550 Oh, no, hey, Frasier, what are you doing over there? 268 00:13:26,634 --> 00:13:28,552 -I'm sorry, Dad. -No, no, no. 269 00:13:28,636 --> 00:13:31,179 I got these all set out the way I wanted 'em. 270 00:13:31,263 --> 00:13:32,348 This one goes up… 271 00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:37,018 MARTIN: I'll be damned. 272 00:13:39,229 --> 00:13:40,438 Something wrong? 273 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:43,857 Look at that. 274 00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:45,817 What? 275 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:50,737 I never thought it would just leap out and bite me like this. 276 00:13:50,821 --> 00:13:53,073 I think I may have solved this pain-in-the-ass case. 277 00:13:53,157 --> 00:13:55,200 -You have? -FRASIER: That's wonderful news! 278 00:13:55,284 --> 00:13:56,785 No, no, don't get too excited. 279 00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:59,036 I mean, this is, uh, kind of far-fetched. 280 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,748 I mean, it's a long shot, but it's beginning to make sense to me. 281 00:14:02,832 --> 00:14:04,125 Lay it out for us. Let's see it. 282 00:14:04,209 --> 00:14:06,918 No, please, just give me a little privacy, will you? 283 00:14:07,002 --> 00:14:09,629 -I've gotta do some thinking. -No problem. 284 00:14:09,713 --> 00:14:11,506 Yeah, I was just going to bed meself. 285 00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:13,884 -Night, all. -Good night, Daphne. 286 00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:18,304 Look at him. Did you see the sparkle in his eye? 287 00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:20,556 Oh, Frasier, he's like a little kid at Christmas. 288 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,226 Oh, jeez, what happened to my entry wound close-ups? 289 00:14:24,893 --> 00:14:26,979 ♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 290 00:14:35,111 --> 00:14:36,278 -Hello, Daphne. -Hello. 291 00:14:36,362 --> 00:14:37,696 -Is Dad home? -Nope. 292 00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,780 I haven't seen him since he knocked me up early this morning. 293 00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:53,294 What? 294 00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,129 Knocked me up. 295 00:14:56,213 --> 00:14:58,214 Woke me up. It's an English expression. 296 00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,632 What does it mean here? 297 00:15:02,427 --> 00:15:03,595 Oh, something else. 298 00:15:04,596 --> 00:15:06,763 You'd definitely be awake for it, though. 299 00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:13,810 He was headed down to the station house to present his theory. 300 00:15:13,894 --> 00:15:16,355 Oh, dear God, I wish he hadn't done that. 301 00:15:16,439 --> 00:15:18,774 I've been turning it over in my mind all day. 302 00:15:19,609 --> 00:15:22,193 The more I think about it, the goofier it sounds. 303 00:15:23,194 --> 00:15:24,738 I mean, a monkey? 304 00:15:25,989 --> 00:15:27,990 I just hope they didn't laugh him out of the station. 305 00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:30,534 It'd be one hell of a way to end a 30-year police career. 306 00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:32,619 Oh, now, now, Dr. Crane. 307 00:15:32,703 --> 00:15:35,205 It's not the most outlandish theory in the world. 308 00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:37,625 You're right. 309 00:15:38,709 --> 00:15:40,793 I could've said it was a trained giraffe. 310 00:15:41,919 --> 00:15:44,713 I suppose he killed her by spitting a bullet at her, 311 00:15:44,797 --> 00:15:48,091 thus explaining the downward trajectory. 312 00:15:50,636 --> 00:15:51,469 Hey, guys. 313 00:15:51,553 --> 00:15:52,720 -DAPHNE: Hello. -Oh, hi, Dad. 314 00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:55,098 Heard anything from the station house yet? 315 00:15:55,182 --> 00:15:56,431 Not yet. 316 00:15:56,515 --> 00:15:58,433 I was afraid of that. 317 00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:00,561 I mean, I knew my theory was a bit iffy, 318 00:16:00,645 --> 00:16:04,564 but when I told the guys, they looked at me like I'd lost my mind. 319 00:16:04,648 --> 00:16:07,358 -They didn't ridicule you, did they, Dad? -Oh, no. 320 00:16:07,442 --> 00:16:10,570 They always treat old-timers with respect. 321 00:16:10,654 --> 00:16:12,571 They said, "I'll check it out" 322 00:16:12,655 --> 00:16:15,490 just like I used to when some nutbag would come in there 323 00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,158 with aluminum foil in his hat 324 00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:20,371 claiming the Martians were trying to steal his brainwaves. 325 00:16:23,331 --> 00:16:26,625 -I'm sorry, Mr. Crane. -Oh, I don't know what I was thinking of. 326 00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:29,335 I've been walking around all afternoon 327 00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:32,380 just tryin' to figure out how I came up with such a half-assed theory. 328 00:16:32,464 --> 00:16:37,010 Dad, it wasn't your fault. I did it. 329 00:16:39,845 --> 00:16:40,846 You killed her? 330 00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:45,309 No. 331 00:16:46,267 --> 00:16:48,436 But I did plant that ridiculous idea in your head. 332 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,104 Remember last night when you came in 333 00:16:50,188 --> 00:16:52,438 so upset that I was rearranging your pictures? 334 00:16:52,732 --> 00:16:55,782 Well, I rearranged them in a specific way so that you would… 335 00:16:56,777 --> 00:16:58,696 Come to the same conclusion I did. 336 00:16:59,863 --> 00:17:01,448 So you had the idea first? 337 00:17:02,407 --> 00:17:05,826 -I can't tell you how terrible I feel. -Don't blame yourself. 338 00:17:05,910 --> 00:17:07,620 You might have put the aluminum foil in my hat, 339 00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:10,081 but I walked right into the station wearing it. 340 00:17:10,914 --> 00:17:11,915 [DOORBELL RINGS] 341 00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:13,709 I'll get it. 342 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,589 -Hi, Marty. -Hey, Frank! 343 00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:24,009 Frasier, Daphne, you remember Frank Hollings from the precinct. 344 00:17:24,093 --> 00:17:25,177 Marty, we gotta talk. 345 00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,720 Oh, Frank, about that theory of mine. 346 00:17:27,804 --> 00:17:30,598 I can't for the life of me figure what you were thinking. 347 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:34,810 I know, I know. I just feel so stupid wasting your time like that. 348 00:17:34,894 --> 00:17:39,064 It cost us a whole afternoon and five detectives' time. 349 00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:41,150 And all we got to show for it is… 350 00:17:43,402 --> 00:17:45,569 -We got the bastard! -I was right? 351 00:17:45,653 --> 00:17:48,280 Hey, you don't believe me, ask these derelicts. 352 00:17:48,364 --> 00:17:49,615 [ALL CHEERING] 353 00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:55,828 -Good to see you. Come on in! -Marty, you still got it. 354 00:17:55,912 --> 00:17:58,498 -Way to go, Marty! -And it only took you 20 years. 355 00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,792 Oh, Mr. Crane, I'm so proud of you. 356 00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:05,004 Oh, that's amazing! That's wonderful. Oh, that's suede! 357 00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:09,382 FRANK: So, Marty, how did you do it? 358 00:18:09,466 --> 00:18:12,885 Well, you know, for years I thought it was Robitaille the logger. 359 00:18:12,969 --> 00:18:16,472 And then I thought, well, maybe it Brisbane, the animal trainer. 360 00:18:16,556 --> 00:18:17,597 But I was wrong. 361 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:21,559 How did you finally decide that it was, uh, Detective Shelby? 362 00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,437 Well, you know, I kept looking at that picture, and it kept bugging me. 363 00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,356 You know, why was she trying to write "help" in the dirt? 364 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,191 And then it came to me. 365 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,069 She was trying to write the killer's name: Shelby. 366 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,654 Only she must have died before she finished the B 367 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,989 and somebody must have kicked dirt over the S. 368 00:18:37,073 --> 00:18:38,366 You nailed him all right. 369 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,300 We pulled him in for interrogation, he cracked like a nut. 370 00:18:43,704 --> 00:18:45,706 You know, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. 371 00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,541 But then you yourself were beginning to wonder 372 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:49,459 if a monkey could really commit a murder. 373 00:18:49,543 --> 00:18:51,043 Well, I may have momentarily doubted it, 374 00:18:51,127 --> 00:18:54,172 but from time to time I have to be reminded to trust my gift. 375 00:18:56,633 --> 00:18:58,426 So did you call the girl's mother yet? 376 00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:02,262 No, we left that for you. You were the guy that solved this thing. 377 00:19:02,346 --> 00:19:04,681 Oh, well, you know, actually, 378 00:19:04,765 --> 00:19:07,142 I can't take all the credit for it, right, Frasier? 379 00:19:07,226 --> 00:19:09,017 -Come on, get over here. -Oh, now, Dad. 380 00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:12,646 No, no, come on. Don't be shy. I'm proud of you. 381 00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:16,441 Yeah, I was a cop for 30 years, and it took my son with his Ph.D. mind 382 00:19:16,525 --> 00:19:18,276 to crack this baby. 383 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,029 Of course I was standing next to him at the time. 384 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:24,740 So, uh, tell us about it, Frasier. 385 00:19:24,824 --> 00:19:26,074 -Oh, no, no, no. -Yeah, go ahead. 386 00:19:26,158 --> 00:19:27,534 Yeah. Come on. 387 00:19:27,618 --> 00:19:33,956 Well, I hate to toot my own horn, but, well, if it'll make Dad happy. 388 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,668 I suppose it was my expertise in human behavior, combined with 389 00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:40,004 a lifelong enthusiasm for the Rwandan lowland gorilla 390 00:19:40,088 --> 00:19:42,238 that first set me thinking about the monkey. 391 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,886 I'm not sure I'm following you. 392 00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:50,554 Perhaps I'm going too fast. I'll go slower. 393 00:19:50,638 --> 00:19:55,142 The key was when I figured out that if Brisbane could teach a monkey 394 00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:57,268 to impersonate George Washington, 395 00:19:57,352 --> 00:20:00,855 then surely he could teach a monkey to cock a revolver, 396 00:20:00,939 --> 00:20:04,066 sneak up a fire escape, lie in wait for Helen, pump her full of lead, 397 00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,860 and then make his getaway, perhaps even still wearing 398 00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:10,444 the Revolutionary War regalia in order to confuse any chance witnesses. 399 00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:16,660 In fact, oh, and this is way out there, but, jeez, 400 00:20:16,744 --> 00:20:20,456 maybe you should check to see if there were any local bank robberies at the time 401 00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:23,750 that were committed by a short hairy man wearing a powdered wig. 402 00:20:27,129 --> 00:20:29,006 You think the monkey was the killer? 403 00:20:30,882 --> 00:20:32,841 When I said I was standing next to him, 404 00:20:32,925 --> 00:20:35,720 I was really most of the way across the room. 405 00:20:38,973 --> 00:20:39,848 Well, wasn't he? 406 00:20:41,099 --> 00:20:42,225 No, it was Shelby. 407 00:20:43,602 --> 00:20:44,435 Who's Shelby? 408 00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:47,147 He was a vice cop. He was in love with Helen. 409 00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:49,565 Oh. 410 00:20:51,525 --> 00:20:53,152 Well, that was my second choice. 411 00:20:57,780 --> 00:20:59,699 Can I freshen anyone's drink? 412 00:21:00,909 --> 00:21:01,909 FRANK: Help me out here. 413 00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:04,661 What did you think the monkey's motive was? 414 00:21:06,204 --> 00:21:07,080 Jealousy? 415 00:21:07,164 --> 00:21:09,457 Or maybe he just did it for the insurance money? 416 00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:10,542 [ALL LAUGHING] 417 00:21:11,126 --> 00:21:14,795 Hey, do you think we should put a tail on that monkey? 418 00:21:15,755 --> 00:21:19,091 If that monkey did it, he'll swing for it. 419 00:21:21,259 --> 00:21:22,260 Yes, that's all very funny. 420 00:21:22,344 --> 00:21:25,221 Oh, come on, Frasier, you can take a joke, can't you? 421 00:21:25,305 --> 00:21:27,890 Well, I suppose I can. Yes. 422 00:21:27,974 --> 00:21:29,808 Oh, wait, I've got one! 423 00:21:29,892 --> 00:21:32,227 Who do you suppose the monkey will get to defend him? 424 00:21:32,311 --> 00:21:33,562 Clarence Darrow? 425 00:21:36,857 --> 00:21:40,610 You know, the Scopes Monkey Trial. 426 00:21:43,237 --> 00:21:45,489 You know, Darwin's Theory of Evolution. 427 00:21:45,573 --> 00:21:49,201 It was turned into a, a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, Inherit The Wind. 428 00:21:54,830 --> 00:21:55,790 Is that gun loaded? 429 00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:04,923 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 430 00:22:06,257 --> 00:22:08,911 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 431 00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,303 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 432 00:22:11,387 --> 00:22:12,471 Oh, my. 433 00:22:13,138 --> 00:22:15,765 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 434 00:22:15,849 --> 00:22:18,143 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 435 00:22:18,227 --> 00:22:20,352 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 436 00:22:20,436 --> 00:22:21,812 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 437 00:22:21,896 --> 00:22:25,274 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 438 00:22:27,402 --> 00:22:28,819 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 439 00:22:30,070 --> 00:22:32,406 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 440 00:22:32,823 --> 00:22:34,366 What is a boy to do? 441 00:22:36,784 --> 00:22:38,244 Good night, everybody!