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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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We've got time for one more call, Roz.
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We have Sid in Bremerton on three.
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Hello, Sid. I'm listening.
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SID [ON PHONE]: "Hello, Dr. Crane.
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"I have a fear of talking on the
phone to people I do not know."
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"I freeze up."
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It is a severe handicap in today's
fast-paced, highly competitive world."
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Sid, are you reading what you're saying?
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-Uh…
-[PAGES TURNING OVER PHONE]
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"Yes, I am.
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"The only way I can comfortably
communicate on the phone"
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is to write everything out
I wish to say in advance."
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Well, what if someone asks you a
question you haven't anticipated?
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-[SID SIGHS]
-[PAGES TURNING OVER PHONE]
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"Thank you, Dr. Crane, for
your most insightful comments.
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-Goodbye."
-[DIAL TONE HUMS]
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Wait, Sid.
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Sid, if you're listening,
your insecurity is rooted
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in your fear of making a mistake.
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In order to beat this,
you'll have to practice.
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If you work at it very hard,
one day you, too, may achieve
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the command and confidence
to which we all… aspire to…
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Be having.
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This is Dr. Frasier Crane
wishing you good mental health.
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That was a show good, Frasier.
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Thank you, Roz.
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-Knock, knock.
-Oh. What are you doing here?
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Stopped by to see how you'd like to go
to lunch next week at the Empire Club.
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-Do you know a member?
-No. But you may.
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What are you up to?
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You have that smug look you had
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when you found that recording of
Flagstad's 1932 "Götterdämmerung"
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in the discount bin.
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You think I look smug
now, wait till next week.
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If all goes well, my lapel will be sagging
under the weight of a gold membership pin.
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You'll fit in with all those
greedy, arrogant blue bloods
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who wouldn't cross the
street to spit on the rest of us.
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Don't jinx it. I'm not in yet.
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There's still the cocktail party where
they screen prospective members.
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Those can be grueling.
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-How did this come about?
-Oh, I give the credit to Maris.
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She spent five years
cultivating the right relationships
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until this week fortune smiled upon us.
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Old Judge Clements suffered a
stroke, and lo, a vacancy opened up.
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Gives new meaning to "a stroke of luck."
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[NILES CHUCKLES]
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It gets better.
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There are two vacancies,
so my chances are doubled.
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Edgar van Cortland has been indicted
in that savings-and-loans scandal.
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Frasier, I think my time has come.
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-I'm very happy for you.
-That's generous of you.
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Especially knowing you've
always dreamed of a membership.
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A lesser man would be jealous.
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-You're not, are you?
-Not at all.
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-Did I mention they have a planetarium?
-So?
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I think my work here is done.
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So Niles is getting into the Empire Club?
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It would appear so.
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More power to him.
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He deserves to have lunch
in that private dining room
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and read the Wall Street Journal
in that fabled mahogany library.
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-It's eating you up, isn't it?
-Like a carnivorous bacteria.
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If he gets in, I should too.
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What if I know someone very high up
who could get you invited to that party?
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Oh, don't toy with me.
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Mr. Strickland, please. It's Roz.
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-Walter Strickland Jr.?
-Senior.
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[GASPS] How did you get to
know someone so important?
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The less you know, the happier you'll be.
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Whew. I need more-comfortable shoes.
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My dogs are killing me.
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-Pardon?
-My dogs. My feet.
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What do you call them in England?
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We call our body parts
by their rightful names.
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Except Uncle Harold.
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He named his anatomy
after the royal family.
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He walked on the queen's pins,
and he sat on the Duchess of Kent.
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He was a jolly fellow.
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That is, until Aunt Kate caught him
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introducing the Prince
of Wales to a waitress.
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-Are you almost finished?
-Yes, I am.
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You'll have the handsomest
midriff at the club.
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Thank you. I hope my date concurs.
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Who are you taking?
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FRASIER: Dr. Susan Anderson.
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She's as boring as unbuttered
toast, but she's a brilliant physician
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and socially well connected.
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Ah.
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Isn't Niles a little ticked off
at you horning in on his party?
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Yes, he was at first, but I convinced him
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that we could be of help to each other.
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If we work together, we
can secure both vacancies.
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Boy, you and Niles, it's been
the same since you were kids.
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If one of you has something,
the other has to too.
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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I had to buy two Balinese
lutes, two decoupage kits,
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two pairs of lederhosen.
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When you moved out, that was
one embarrassing garage sale.
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-FRASIER: Hello, Niles.
-Ready to go?
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No. I'm waiting on Susan.
She's at the hospital.
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Where's Maris?
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In the Mercedes, practicing
her vivacious giggle.
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-Let's go over our strategy.
-Oh, yes.
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I prepared a crib sheet on each
person on the member committee.
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-There you are.
-Mm-hm.
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"School ties, business
affiliations, hobbies, mistresses."
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-Yes.
-Hmm.
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Oh, oh, oh.
I also researched our competition.
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I don't think we have to worry.
One of them flies coach.
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[CHUCKLING] Oh, well…
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-We're as good as in.
-Yes.
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Unless…
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-I just had the most terrifying thought.
-Hmm?
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What if some other candidate has
researched the skeletons in our closet?
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Ooh.
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Damn it.
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That's as bad as it gets.
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I wouldn't be so sure.
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I don't think the
committee would look kindly
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on your arrest for mooning
President Nixon at the campaign rally.
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I was young and firm and
in love with an anarchist.
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That's minor compared
to your suicide attempt.
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It was not a legitimate attempt.
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I only stepped out on that
ledge to get Lilith's attention.
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[PHONE RINGS]
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Perhaps Maris and I
should head over without you.
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We can't have the other
candidates getting a leg up on us.
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Oh. Good idea. See you there.
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-Bye, Dad.
-MARTIN: Good luck.
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FRASIER: Hello?
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Oh, Susan.
Oh, my goodness, I've been expecting you.
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Are you in the car?
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Oh, no. You're still at the hospital?
Of course I understand.
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You were a sweetheart to
agree to go in the first place.
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I'll call you tomorrow.
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Fat chance.
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-Stood you up, huh?
-This is disastrous.
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Well, just go stag.
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I've RSVP'd for two.
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I'll look like some loser who
couldn't scrape up a date.
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Wait. What are we worried about?
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We got our own Cinderella
right under this roof.
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That's the last time I try to get grout
up without wearing rubber gloves.
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I've so much gunk under my nails,
I look like I've been worming a pig.
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Trust me, the English accent will sell it.
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[PEOPLE MURMURING]
148
00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:49,246
Oh. Oh, yes.
149
00:07:50,997 --> 00:07:53,667
It's everything I ever
imagined it would be and more.
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00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:56,670
What's that smell, Dr. Crane?
151
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That's power.
152
00:08:01,259 --> 00:08:03,177
Oh, Daphne. Call me Frasier.
153
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I don't want people to
know you work for me.
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If they ask, we've been
dating for six months.
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00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:09,308
All right, Frasier.
156
00:08:10,726 --> 00:08:12,478
Anything else, Frasier?
157
00:08:12,562 --> 00:08:16,065
Are we in love, or is this
just a physical thing, Frasier?
158
00:08:16,149 --> 00:08:18,192
Oh. Just stop that.
159
00:08:21,697 --> 00:08:24,157
Oh, Niles. Niles. How goes the chase?
160
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Brilliantly.
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Daphne.
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00:08:30,247 --> 00:08:32,916
-Evening, Dr. Crane.
-What are you doing here?
163
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,961
Frasier takes me everywhere,
don't you, sweetheart?
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00:08:39,047 --> 00:08:41,716
I think I'll go sample
some hors d'oeuvres.
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00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,218
Back in a minute, darling.
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-"Sweetheart"? "Darling"?
-My date canceled.
167
00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:52,895
Daphne's filling in.
You can't think I'd go out with Daphne?
168
00:08:52,979 --> 00:08:54,981
You are a man, and she is a goddess…
169
00:08:56,107 --> 00:08:58,902
Whose bedroom is only
41 steps from your own.
170
00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:02,988
On a completely unrelated
topic, where's Maris?
171
00:09:03,072 --> 00:09:06,325
The last I saw, she was apologizing
to another candidate's wife.
172
00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:10,623
Maris bumped a chafing dish of crab
meat into the woman's décolletage.
173
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Accidents will happen.
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As long as they keep the
hors d'oeuvres flowing, they will.
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My God. Feel this leather.
176
00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:26,430
Oh. I have had pudding stiffer than this.
177
00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:29,516
Oh. Frasier, Kenneth Spencer.
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00:09:30,976 --> 00:09:32,062
[MURMURS]
179
00:09:34,731 --> 00:09:40,195
Yes, I'm sure it was satisfying
being Phi Beta Kappa at Yale,
180
00:09:40,987 --> 00:09:45,199
but surely you would have been happier
to wear the orange and black of Princeton.
181
00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:47,618
Anyone who's anyone went to Princeton.
182
00:09:47,702 --> 00:09:51,539
Excuse me, I'm Kenneth Spencer.
I couldn't help but overhear you.
183
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:54,918
As it happens, I went to Princeton.
184
00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,003
No!
185
00:09:57,922 --> 00:09:58,923
What are the odds?
186
00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:05,053
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. This is my brother,
Dr. Niles Crane, the eminent psychiatrist.
187
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,763
Oh. My brother is too kind.
188
00:10:06,847 --> 00:10:10,434
He was already eminent when
my eminence was merely imminent.
189
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:18,610
-Here. Try this caviar, Frasier.
-Thank you.
190
00:10:18,694 --> 00:10:21,988
Sorry it took so long, but I met
the most charming gentleman,
191
00:10:22,072 --> 00:10:23,740
Edgar van Cortland.
192
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:26,826
I thought he lost his membership
in the S-and-L scandal.
193
00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:29,537
He was acquitted and
reinstated into the club.
194
00:10:29,621 --> 00:10:33,041
-Oh, he was innocent.
-No, just acquitted.
195
00:10:33,125 --> 00:10:35,502
-Oh. [CHUCKLING]
-[CHUCKLING] Oh.
196
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:39,672
So does that mean there's
only one membership?
197
00:10:39,756 --> 00:10:41,133
Yes. But not to worry.
198
00:10:41,217 --> 00:10:44,637
If one of you should be selected,
you can bring the other as a guest.
199
00:10:45,596 --> 00:10:49,725
If only one of us can be honored
with a membership, I hope it will be you.
200
00:10:49,809 --> 00:10:52,770
-That's a noble sentiment.
-I know how much it means to him.
201
00:10:52,854 --> 00:10:55,356
We can't risk another
splashy suicide attempt.
202
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:05,075
That's very amusing, Niles,
203
00:11:05,159 --> 00:11:07,285
using humor to defuse a tense situation.
204
00:11:07,369 --> 00:11:08,870
I'm sure that stood you in good stead
205
00:11:08,954 --> 00:11:11,604
when you were in prison
for threatening the president.
206
00:11:13,292 --> 00:11:15,836
-Kenneth. Kenneth.
-Excuse me.
207
00:11:16,879 --> 00:11:19,256
Oh, what are you saying?
I'd never… Ow, ow, ow.
208
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,716
-[FRASIER, NILES BICKERING INDISTINCTLY]
-Stop it.
209
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,596
Do you intend to run each other
down and ruin both your chances?
210
00:11:26,764 --> 00:11:28,808
No. No.
211
00:11:28,892 --> 00:11:30,685
-You're right.
-Thank you.
212
00:11:30,769 --> 00:11:32,895
-Cocktails, gentlemen?
-Oh.
213
00:11:32,979 --> 00:11:37,024
Yes. Two ounces of your best
18-year-old Lowland single-malt Scotch.
214
00:11:37,108 --> 00:11:39,443
-There's a discriminating choice.
-Yes.
215
00:11:39,527 --> 00:11:42,655
My brother has an extensive
knowledge of wines and spirits,
216
00:11:42,739 --> 00:11:46,368
undoubtedly acquired during the
years he was shacked up with a barmaid.
217
00:11:49,913 --> 00:11:50,873
FRASIER: Niles.
218
00:11:54,502 --> 00:11:57,713
So my mom says, "How come you
never bring your boyfriends to meet me?"
219
00:11:57,797 --> 00:12:00,757
I say, "The plane trip to
Wisconsin takes four hours.
220
00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,177
That's longer than my relationships last."
221
00:12:05,388 --> 00:12:07,640
There's Niles. Don't look at him.
222
00:12:08,265 --> 00:12:11,560
-Pretend we don't see him.
-Real mature.
223
00:12:11,644 --> 00:12:14,480
Thanks to that backstabber, I
will never get to say the phrase
224
00:12:14,564 --> 00:12:16,364
I've been rehearsing for a lifetime:
225
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,277
"If you need me, I'll be at my club."
226
00:12:21,113 --> 00:12:25,283
This is so boring.
Don't you both owe each other an apology?
227
00:12:25,367 --> 00:12:28,494
Yes, but I was the first
to apologize last time.
228
00:12:28,578 --> 00:12:33,291
Ooh, wait. That means it's his turn.
Oh, goody. I can be mature about this.
229
00:12:43,428 --> 00:12:45,012
-Niles.
-Frasier.
230
00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:50,476
-After last night, an apology is in order.
-I agree.
231
00:12:52,812 --> 00:12:53,813
Well?
232
00:12:54,814 --> 00:12:56,273
Well what?
233
00:12:56,357 --> 00:12:58,484
It's your turn.
I apologized first last time.
234
00:12:58,568 --> 00:13:00,194
-No, you didn't.
-I did so.
235
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:03,031
It was after that shouting
match at the Monet exhibit.
236
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:06,368
I had my secretary leave a
heartfelt apology with your service.
237
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,122
So you did.
238
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,249
It is my turn again.
239
00:13:12,749 --> 00:13:13,750
Damn.
240
00:13:17,337 --> 00:13:18,755
-I'm sorry.
-Me too.
241
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,092
-Oh, Niles. No, it wasn't.
-It was my fault. I started it.
242
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:25,429
-I can't believe we turned on each other.
-It was embarrassing.
243
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:29,058
My only excuse is that all my
life I have dreamed of belonging
244
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,810
to an exclusive club.
245
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,438
Even as a child, when I formed
clubs with my teddy bears,
246
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:37,222
there were always two or
three who didn't make the cut.
247
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,068
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
248
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:41,863
Hello?
249
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,573
Yes, this is Dr. Crane.
250
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,825
It's the club.
251
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:47,786
Yes?
252
00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:50,498
I see.
253
00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:52,708
Thank you for considering me.
254
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:56,545
If you'd care to speak
to my brother, he's here.
255
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,006
Be gracious.
256
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:03,677
Hello.
257
00:14:04,637 --> 00:14:05,721
Yes, I see.
258
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,516
Thank you very much for calling.
259
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:10,351
Goodbye.
260
00:14:12,771 --> 00:14:14,272
Don't let it get you down.
261
00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:17,734
We got along fine without them
before, and we'll get along fine now.
262
00:14:24,032 --> 00:14:26,232
We are getting along
without them, aren't we?
263
00:14:27,994 --> 00:14:29,996
-Niles…
-Oh, my God.
264
00:14:31,164 --> 00:14:32,249
You got in.
265
00:14:36,087 --> 00:14:37,171
Congratulations.
266
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,240
I'd better go break the news to Maris.
267
00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:44,595
Believe me, Niles,
268
00:14:45,471 --> 00:14:49,684
your getting passed over has
drained every drop of joy from this.
269
00:14:50,309 --> 00:14:51,310
Thank you.
270
00:14:51,936 --> 00:14:53,104
You're a good brother.
271
00:14:55,690 --> 00:14:57,400
Yes! I got in!
272
00:14:57,484 --> 00:15:02,280
I got in! Shout it from the rooftops!
Lattes for everyone!
273
00:15:02,364 --> 00:15:04,700
This is the proudest day of my life!
274
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:10,622
Of course…
275
00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:13,667
What really matters is family.
276
00:15:20,592 --> 00:15:21,593
Beg.
277
00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:25,513
Come on. We've been working on this.
278
00:15:25,597 --> 00:15:27,849
You can do it. Beg.
279
00:15:30,602 --> 00:15:31,477
Sit.
280
00:15:32,687 --> 00:15:34,188
Good boy.
281
00:15:35,189 --> 00:15:37,358
-What are you doing?
-Teaching Eddie a trick.
282
00:15:37,442 --> 00:15:39,944
With my $26-a-pound imported prosciutto?
283
00:15:40,028 --> 00:15:42,071
Ah, wait till you see it. It's worth it.
284
00:15:42,155 --> 00:15:44,491
Not unless he can sing
the duet from Tosca.
285
00:15:45,117 --> 00:15:47,536
-Where are you going?
-FRASIER: The Empire Club.
286
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:49,330
I've come to a moral decision.
287
00:15:50,497 --> 00:15:52,916
I'm going to insist they
give Niles my membership.
288
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,127
Wow. That's a hell of a gesture.
289
00:15:55,961 --> 00:15:59,130
Yes, well, I put myself in Niles' place.
290
00:15:59,214 --> 00:16:03,093
He's spent 15 years trying to
climb Seattle's social ladder.
291
00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:07,307
Then I waltz in, and within two
years, I'm known throughout the city.
292
00:16:07,891 --> 00:16:10,894
To top it all off, I grab the
prize he's wanted most of all.
293
00:16:11,853 --> 00:16:13,313
It just isn't fair.
294
00:16:14,272 --> 00:16:16,775
-You're a good kid.
-Thank you, Dad.
295
00:16:21,071 --> 00:16:23,121
Might as well say this while I still can.
296
00:16:26,368 --> 00:16:27,494
If anyone needs me…
297
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:33,959
I'll be at my club.
298
00:16:36,671 --> 00:16:41,425
Oh, yes, the club.
The club that I helped you get into.
299
00:16:41,509 --> 00:16:44,679
Now that you're done
with me, I'm just cast aside.
300
00:16:46,055 --> 00:16:49,808
Unappreciated, unloved and forgotten.
301
00:16:49,892 --> 00:16:54,147
Yes, well, I see the prosciutto isn't
the only imported ham in the house.
302
00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,384
Give me your shirt.
I'm not going down without a full load.
303
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:05,080
-Have you got anything white?
-Yeah, but you're not getting them.
304
00:17:05,242 --> 00:17:06,993
[DOORBELL RINGS]
305
00:17:11,206 --> 00:17:14,500
-Hello, Dr. Crane.
-Hello, Daphne. Hello, Dad.
306
00:17:14,584 --> 00:17:15,752
Niles.
307
00:17:19,132 --> 00:17:21,968
Just passed Frasier. Where was he off to?
308
00:17:22,802 --> 00:17:23,927
He went to the club.
309
00:17:24,011 --> 00:17:25,304
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
310
00:17:28,182 --> 00:17:29,850
NILES: No wonder he was evasive.
311
00:17:29,934 --> 00:17:31,810
I hope you don't mind my stopping by.
312
00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:34,897
I had to get out of the house,
and I had no place else to go.
313
00:17:36,107 --> 00:17:39,485
You know, Niles, you
may get into that club yet.
314
00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:40,904
[SCOFFS]
315
00:17:42,072 --> 00:17:44,658
-What are you talking about?
-That's why Frasier went down there.
316
00:17:44,742 --> 00:17:46,660
To tell them to give his spot to you.
317
00:17:48,287 --> 00:17:49,997
Is this one of your sick jokes?
318
00:17:50,998 --> 00:17:53,948
I thought you'd be happy.
He's giving up his own membership.
319
00:17:55,461 --> 00:17:58,630
What did you think I would be happy about?
This is humiliating.
320
00:17:58,714 --> 00:18:01,549
My big brother going down
there to make them take me?
321
00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:04,387
His heart's in the right place.
You could show a little gratitude.
322
00:18:04,471 --> 00:18:07,640
They made their decision.
They didn't take me on my own merits.
323
00:18:07,724 --> 00:18:09,558
I don't want them to take me out of pity.
324
00:18:09,642 --> 00:18:12,687
I don't care if they invite me now.
I don't care if they beg!
325
00:18:12,771 --> 00:18:14,898
-[GROWLS]
-Good boy!
326
00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:22,864
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
327
00:18:25,909 --> 00:18:28,745
Excuse me, is the club president here?
328
00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:31,165
Yes, Dr. Crane, Mr. Drake is over there.
329
00:18:31,832 --> 00:18:32,833
Thank you.
330
00:18:39,632 --> 00:18:41,675
-Mr. Drake?
-Yeah.
331
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:47,305
-Dr. Frasier Crane.
-Oh, yes, of course.
332
00:18:47,389 --> 00:18:49,683
-The new blood. Please sit down.
-Thank you.
333
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:55,523
Sir, I've come here on a
matter of personal business.
334
00:18:55,607 --> 00:18:58,067
It's about my brother, Niles, you see.
335
00:18:58,151 --> 00:19:00,528
Niles is sort of…
336
00:19:00,612 --> 00:19:01,488
Oh.
337
00:19:02,989 --> 00:19:06,409
Oh, my God.
This leather's as soft as a baby's bottom.
338
00:19:07,244 --> 00:19:11,581
On family night, we bring the babies
in and do a blindfold comparison test.
339
00:19:13,876 --> 00:19:17,254
-That's a joke, Crane.
-Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
340
00:19:17,338 --> 00:19:18,798
A darn good one too, sir.
341
00:19:19,966 --> 00:19:24,261
As I was saying, although my brother
may seem a bit priggish at times,
342
00:19:24,345 --> 00:19:26,722
he's one of the most discriminating
people I've ever known.
343
00:19:26,806 --> 00:19:31,143
In fact, you'd be hard-pressed
to find a bigger snob in this room.
344
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:35,857
Excuse me, sir.
I thought you might enjoy a glass of port.
345
00:19:37,484 --> 00:19:39,444
1896?
346
00:19:39,528 --> 00:19:42,155
What are you trying to say, Crane?
347
00:19:42,239 --> 00:19:43,407
Glad to be aboard, sir.
348
00:19:45,242 --> 00:19:46,910
No. No.
349
00:19:47,661 --> 00:19:50,998
No, I came down here to simply say
350
00:19:52,165 --> 00:19:54,793
that my brother deserves
membership more than I do,
351
00:19:55,502 --> 00:19:57,754
and I would like to
step down in his favor.
352
00:19:57,838 --> 00:19:59,923
-Are you serious?
-Yes, I am.
353
00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:03,970
After all, blood is thicker than port.
354
00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:08,349
I stand corrected.
355
00:20:09,559 --> 00:20:11,227
Let me be candid with you, Crane.
356
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:14,271
Um, we all liked your brother,
but some were quite firm
357
00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:17,900
about accepting anybody in
the entertainment business.
358
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:21,695
I'm afraid radio psychiatrist
falls into that category.
359
00:20:21,779 --> 00:20:23,489
Radio psychiatrist? But Niles…
360
00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:29,955
-There's been a terrible mistake.
-No, Frasier, there hasn't.
361
00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:32,123
-Niles.
-Dad told me you'd be here,
362
00:20:32,207 --> 00:20:33,834
trying to get me into your snooty club.
363
00:20:33,918 --> 00:20:34,793
You needn't bother.
364
00:20:34,877 --> 00:20:36,753
-You don't understand.
-No, you don't.
365
00:20:36,837 --> 00:20:38,964
I don't need you to fight my battles.
366
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:40,549
-But, Niles…
-No, butt out.
367
00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:44,219
-Okay.
-And as for you,
368
00:20:44,303 --> 00:20:48,432
you made it clear how you feel about me,
so I'd like to share how I feel about you.
369
00:20:48,516 --> 00:20:51,227
I'd sooner spend my
time in a smelly bus station
370
00:20:51,311 --> 00:20:54,438
than spend one moment
with you smug, elitist bigwigs
371
00:20:54,522 --> 00:20:58,317
with your clichéd Oriental carpets
and your overstuffed chairs…
372
00:20:58,401 --> 00:21:00,528
My God, it's like a baby's bottom.
373
00:21:02,906 --> 00:21:05,741
You can't reject me, because I reject you.
374
00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:08,203
Yes, I'm talking to you, fuzzy.
375
00:21:09,871 --> 00:21:12,708
I prefer to remain Niles Crane, everyman.
376
00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:15,169
Friend of the average Joe.
377
00:21:16,087 --> 00:21:20,967
Niles, they got our names mixed up.
I didn't get in. You did.
378
00:21:21,842 --> 00:21:22,843
What?
379
00:21:26,222 --> 00:21:28,015
It was you they wanted.
380
00:21:28,099 --> 00:21:29,225
Really? I'm in?
381
00:21:29,809 --> 00:21:32,269
Good God, don't just stand there.
Fetch me some port.
382
00:21:32,353 --> 00:21:34,856
Will you escort these gentlemen out?
383
00:21:34,940 --> 00:21:38,359
No, no, no, you can't think that I
meant those things I was saying.
384
00:21:38,443 --> 00:21:41,613
Excuse me, sir, I must ask you to leave.
385
00:21:43,615 --> 00:21:44,741
You and who else?
386
00:21:48,078 --> 00:21:49,162
Ah.
387
00:21:49,246 --> 00:21:51,957
FRASIER: Niles, come along.
We don't need this club.
388
00:21:52,708 --> 00:21:55,126
Let us leave with the
dignity with which we came.
389
00:21:55,210 --> 00:21:58,839
But… No, there's been a misunderstanding.
I do want to be one of you.
390
00:21:58,923 --> 00:22:01,467
Perhaps you could put me on probation.
I could come part-time.
391
00:22:01,551 --> 00:22:04,553
Perhaps afternoons, or just one afternoon.
Thursday's a slow day.
392
00:22:04,637 --> 00:22:06,597
You could pick the day.
I wouldn't talk to anyone.
393
00:22:06,681 --> 00:22:08,474
I could just sit in a
chair and not say a word.
394
00:22:08,558 --> 00:22:12,603
Please, please, please!
Oh, let me stay! I belong here!
395
00:22:16,107 --> 00:22:17,191
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
396
00:22:17,275 --> 00:22:19,774
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
397
00:22:19,858 --> 00:22:22,031
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
398
00:22:22,948 --> 00:22:24,282
Mercy.
399
00:22:24,366 --> 00:22:26,785
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
400
00:22:26,869 --> 00:22:29,287
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
401
00:22:29,371 --> 00:22:31,373
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
402
00:22:31,457 --> 00:22:33,124
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
403
00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:36,545
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
404
00:22:37,379 --> 00:22:39,673
♪ They're callin' again ♪
405
00:22:39,757 --> 00:22:42,509
Frasier has left the building.