1 00:00:02,526 --> 00:00:04,528 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:13,368 Well, we've got about 30 seconds. I think we've got time for one quick call. 3 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,748 Hello, Marlene, I'm listening. 4 00:00:15,832 --> 00:00:17,251 MARLENE: Oh, my God, I'm really on? 5 00:00:17,335 --> 00:00:18,544 Yes, your problem please. 6 00:00:18,628 --> 00:00:21,130 Lucky, Lucky, get down George, get the dog. 7 00:00:21,214 --> 00:00:23,632 Oh, my God, this is so exciting. 8 00:00:23,716 --> 00:00:26,552 Honey, honey, get the baby. George, get your son! 9 00:00:26,636 --> 00:00:28,513 Okay, here it is, Dr. Crane. 10 00:00:28,597 --> 00:00:31,891 If my husband and I don't have sex soon, I think I'm gonna burst. 11 00:00:31,975 --> 00:00:35,061 I may even have to go to a department store and pick up a stranger. 12 00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:40,151 Oh, kids, look who's here without calling first, Nana and Pop-Pop. 13 00:00:40,235 --> 00:00:42,320 -I'll call you back. -[CALL DISCONNECTS] 14 00:00:43,947 --> 00:00:45,740 To all you Marlenes out there, may I suggest 15 00:00:45,824 --> 00:00:48,784 that sex with a stranger is not the answer. 16 00:00:48,868 --> 00:00:51,913 Why don't you just pack the kids off with Nana and Pop-Pop, 17 00:00:51,997 --> 00:00:54,082 lock Lucky downstairs in the basement, grab your husband. 18 00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:59,088 Take him to the sturdiest kitchen table you have and let the postman ring twice. 19 00:01:01,216 --> 00:01:04,010 To the rest of my listeners, I'll be off on vacation for the next week 20 00:01:04,094 --> 00:01:08,848 so please tune in to my replacement, the noted podiatrist, Dr. Garreth Wooten. 21 00:01:08,932 --> 00:01:11,100 He's been discussing the virtues of his new book, 22 00:01:11,184 --> 00:01:12,561 Bunions, and Blisters, and Corns. 23 00:01:12,645 --> 00:01:13,563 Oh, my. 24 00:01:16,566 --> 00:01:19,902 I hate it when that weird foot freak subs for you. 25 00:01:19,986 --> 00:01:22,364 Couldn't you just have Frederick come and visit you here? 26 00:01:22,448 --> 00:01:25,408 I'm sorry, Roz, the taxi's waiting outside to take me to the airport. 27 00:01:25,492 --> 00:01:27,994 -Oh, well, have a great time. -Thanks. 28 00:01:28,078 --> 00:01:29,913 And don't forget to bring me a present. 29 00:01:29,997 --> 00:01:32,707 I'll get you a nice T-shirt from Colonial Williamsburg. 30 00:01:32,791 --> 00:01:34,877 You're taking Frederick to Williamsburg? 31 00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:38,964 -Ew. -Oh, it's a wonderful vacation spot. 32 00:01:39,048 --> 00:01:42,259 We're going to dip candles, tan leather, churn butter… 33 00:01:42,343 --> 00:01:45,097 "Hey, Frederick Crane, you just finished the first grade. 34 00:01:45,181 --> 00:01:48,476 What are you gonna do now?" "I'm going to Butter World." 35 00:01:55,274 --> 00:01:58,069 Hey, Daphne, bring that laundry over here, will you? 36 00:01:58,153 --> 00:01:59,570 -What for? -I was just reading 37 00:01:59,654 --> 00:02:01,739 about an intelligence test you can give your dog. 38 00:02:01,823 --> 00:02:04,909 Throw a towel over its head and see how long it takes him to shake it off. 39 00:02:04,993 --> 00:02:07,538 -Eddie? -And the faster he takes the towel off, 40 00:02:07,622 --> 00:02:08,664 the smarter he is? 41 00:02:08,748 --> 00:02:10,458 No, the faster he folds it. 42 00:02:12,877 --> 00:02:13,711 All right. 43 00:02:13,795 --> 00:02:17,215 Now, they ranked all the dogs and the smartest was a border collie. 44 00:02:17,299 --> 00:02:19,092 He did it in seven seconds. 45 00:02:19,176 --> 00:02:21,053 All right, come on, boy, take it off. 46 00:02:25,849 --> 00:02:28,101 Six, seven. 47 00:02:28,185 --> 00:02:30,896 Okay, well, the next fastest one was a poodle. 48 00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,649 I know he's as smart as a poodle. 49 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,861 Okay, so he's no poodle. 50 00:02:37,612 --> 00:02:39,531 He's not a beagle, either. 51 00:02:39,615 --> 00:02:41,658 Or a German shepherd… 52 00:02:41,742 --> 00:02:42,784 Or a Labrador. 53 00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:44,829 Oh, for God's sake, Eddie. 54 00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:48,123 Well, if you ask me, he's refusing to do that trick 55 00:02:48,207 --> 00:02:49,499 'cause he knows if he does it right, 56 00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:52,133 you'll have him doing it every time we have company. 57 00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:55,631 -Hey! I'll bet you're right. -[DOORBELL RINGS] 58 00:02:55,715 --> 00:02:57,425 Nice going, Eddie. 59 00:03:00,762 --> 00:03:02,181 Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. 60 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,892 I appreciate the false cheer, but I'm sure you've seen this. 61 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,895 -Today's society page. -Don't tell me, don't tell me. 62 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,529 I'm saving it for after dinner. 63 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,194 Maris is going on a three-week cruise. 64 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:17,228 Her friends threw her a bon voyage party. Look at the photo. 65 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,992 Maris on the arm of Pierson Broadwater. 66 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:24,413 Oh, Dr. Crane, look, she's just standing there barely touching him 67 00:03:24,497 --> 00:03:27,082 with only the tiniest bit of a smile on her face. 68 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:30,416 You can practically hear the zing, zing, zing of her heartstrings. 69 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,255 -Oh, Dr. Crane… -Sorry, Niles. 70 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:34,633 Oh, it gets worse. 71 00:03:34,717 --> 00:03:37,720 This morning I spoke to Marta, my ex-maid and current mole. 72 00:03:39,805 --> 00:03:43,141 She reports that Broadwater's just the latest in a parade of escorts. 73 00:03:43,225 --> 00:03:46,646 Gigolos are swarming around Maris like ants on a Snickers bar. 74 00:03:47,856 --> 00:03:49,482 Wait a minute, that's good news. 75 00:03:49,566 --> 00:03:52,443 She's seeing a whole bunch of people, that means she's not serious about anyone. 76 00:03:52,527 --> 00:03:54,195 -You think? -Yeah, sure. 77 00:03:54,279 --> 00:03:55,822 They're probably just her escorts. 78 00:03:55,906 --> 00:03:58,408 -You know how she loves going to parties. -Yes. 79 00:03:58,492 --> 00:04:01,192 And she never liked going anywhere alone except to bed. 80 00:04:03,205 --> 00:04:04,206 Some more good news. 81 00:04:05,917 --> 00:04:09,170 It wouldn't hurt you to go out a little bit every once in a while too. 82 00:04:09,254 --> 00:04:12,257 If you're suggesting that I start dating, you can save your breath. 83 00:04:12,341 --> 00:04:14,259 Women don't exactly find me irresistible. 84 00:04:14,343 --> 00:04:17,095 Oh, come on, Niles. You've had lots of girlfriends. 85 00:04:17,179 --> 00:04:19,432 Oh, let's count. There's Maris. 86 00:04:22,018 --> 00:04:26,189 Oh, no, Dora, my childhood pen pal from Costa Rica. 87 00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:29,860 I seem to recall a little girl in the fourth grade 88 00:04:29,944 --> 00:04:32,594 who lured me to a stairwell to show me her underpants. 89 00:04:33,197 --> 00:04:35,866 I think your problem is you still picture yourself 90 00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:37,826 as that same geeky kid you were in high school 91 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,996 but you've come a long way since then. 92 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,582 And you're not doing yourself any favors sitting home every night. 93 00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:44,166 Now just think about it. 94 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,251 [GROANS] 95 00:04:45,794 --> 00:04:47,044 Wine, Dr. Crane? 96 00:04:47,128 --> 00:04:48,380 Well, wouldn't you? 97 00:04:57,807 --> 00:04:59,349 DAPHNE: Oh, give it up. 98 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,435 The man had every right to be proud of his dog. 99 00:05:01,519 --> 00:05:03,605 Well, I just don't like show-offs, okay. 100 00:05:03,689 --> 00:05:08,694 "Ginger, catch the Frisbee." "Ginger, roll over." "Ginger, do my taxes." 101 00:05:09,778 --> 00:05:11,988 Just because Eddie's not good at tricks… 102 00:05:12,072 --> 00:05:15,492 The hell he isn't. He just likes the kind that gives him a chance to use his brain. 103 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:16,786 Eddie's a thinker. 104 00:05:17,745 --> 00:05:19,330 Here, just watch this. 105 00:05:19,414 --> 00:05:20,707 Open the door for him. 106 00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:25,462 Now I've been teaching him the names of all his chew toys. 107 00:05:25,546 --> 00:05:27,297 Eddie, get your banana. 108 00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:31,427 Now he's thinking. 109 00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:37,559 "Which one's the banana?" 110 00:05:39,728 --> 00:05:41,312 Now he's thinking: 111 00:05:41,396 --> 00:05:44,357 "What the heck did I do with my banana?" 112 00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:49,321 Now he's thinking "Which one's the emergency button?" 113 00:05:50,197 --> 00:05:51,032 Come on. 114 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:55,827 Oh, Dr. Crane! 115 00:05:55,911 --> 00:05:58,456 Hello. I let myself in. I hope that's all right. 116 00:05:58,540 --> 00:05:59,374 Fine. What's up? 117 00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:00,833 I stopped by to ask you a question. 118 00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:02,168 Are you free Saturday night? 119 00:06:02,252 --> 00:06:04,546 -Sure. -Well, I'm not. I have a date. 120 00:06:05,213 --> 00:06:06,673 BOTH: Oh! 121 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:11,053 -Bravo, Dr. Crane. -Good for you. Who is she? 122 00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:14,182 Marjorie Nash, the Fruit on the Bottom yogurt heiress. 123 00:06:17,685 --> 00:06:19,187 I bumped into her at the Frye museum. 124 00:06:19,271 --> 00:06:21,398 Before I knew it, your advice was thundering in my ears 125 00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,149 and I found myself asking her out. 126 00:06:23,233 --> 00:06:26,820 We'll be attending our club's annual winter dance, the Snow Ball. 127 00:06:26,904 --> 00:06:29,699 -Well, good for you. -What's she like? 128 00:06:29,783 --> 00:06:32,743 She's terribly haughty and rumors persist about her husband's death 129 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,329 but still, a date's a date. 130 00:06:37,957 --> 00:06:40,126 The Snow Ball. Sounds very glamorous. 131 00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:42,910 -Yeah, I didn't know you could dance. -Well, I can't. 132 00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:44,715 Oh, dear. 133 00:06:47,009 --> 00:06:48,709 You don't think she'll want me to? 134 00:06:50,471 --> 00:06:52,348 I've taken Maris to dozens of these things. 135 00:06:52,432 --> 00:06:54,032 She's never once asked to dance. 136 00:06:54,518 --> 00:06:57,104 Of course, Maris dislikes public displays of rhythm. 137 00:07:00,023 --> 00:07:01,065 Oh, this is terrible. 138 00:07:01,149 --> 00:07:03,444 My first date is a miserable failure before it even begins. 139 00:07:03,528 --> 00:07:04,486 I'll just have to cancel. 140 00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,655 All you need are a few dancing lessons. 141 00:07:06,739 --> 00:07:08,490 I'll be happy to give you some. 142 00:07:08,574 --> 00:07:09,950 -You would? -Yeah. 143 00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,411 I used to practice all the time with me brother Billy. 144 00:07:12,495 --> 00:07:13,580 The ballroom dancer. 145 00:07:13,664 --> 00:07:16,499 Well, I couldn't prevail upon you like that. It'd be too much trouble. 146 00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:17,918 We'll have to move this. 147 00:07:20,629 --> 00:07:22,131 We'll push the chair back. 148 00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:23,882 Or not. 149 00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:27,554 All right. 150 00:07:28,388 --> 00:07:29,805 We'll start with the box step. 151 00:07:29,889 --> 00:07:30,973 -Box step. -It's very simple. 152 00:07:31,057 --> 00:07:35,812 You take my hand like so and your other hand goes around the waist. 153 00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:38,023 Now, start with your left foot. 154 00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:39,775 -Okay. Which one? -Oh, hush! 155 00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:45,697 You step towards me, then bring your right foot forward and over 156 00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:48,076 and slide the left over to meet it. 157 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:52,163 Then the right foot goes back, the left back and over 158 00:07:52,247 --> 00:07:54,248 and the right slides next to it. 159 00:07:54,332 --> 00:07:55,666 And that's it! 160 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:56,959 All right, once again. 161 00:07:57,043 --> 00:08:01,298 And, a one, two, oh, three, a two, 162 00:08:01,382 --> 00:08:08,382 two, three, a three, two, three, a four, two, three… 163 00:08:08,473 --> 00:08:10,017 This is boring, yet difficult. 164 00:08:11,810 --> 00:08:14,729 Oh, there's no trick to dancing. It's just a matter of coordination. 165 00:08:14,813 --> 00:08:20,653 Hell, if you can ride a bike or skip rope or kick a ball, you can certainly… 166 00:08:26,284 --> 00:08:27,785 All right, once again. 167 00:08:27,869 --> 00:08:32,290 And a one, two, oh, three, a two… 168 00:08:32,374 --> 00:08:34,501 [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 169 00:08:36,337 --> 00:08:38,505 You're really doing very well, Dr. Crane. 170 00:08:38,589 --> 00:08:40,549 Earlier you seemed a bit tense. 171 00:08:40,633 --> 00:08:42,883 You've really relaxed though now, haven't you? 172 00:08:47,182 --> 00:08:49,600 Hey, you two are looking pretty sharp. 173 00:08:49,684 --> 00:08:52,312 Well, I think we're ready to move on to the samba. 174 00:08:52,396 --> 00:08:53,939 Eddie, fetch me a samba tape. 175 00:08:54,023 --> 00:08:55,608 Xavier Cugat. 176 00:08:57,443 --> 00:09:01,656 Now he's thinking "The later Hollywood stuff or the early New York recordings?" 177 00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:07,120 -Guess what I'm thinking. -I'll get it. 178 00:09:07,955 --> 00:09:09,706 Well, I'm gonna hit the hay. 179 00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:11,541 Good night, spin and turn. 180 00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:13,835 See you in the morning, spin and dip. 181 00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:15,629 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 182 00:09:15,713 --> 00:09:18,007 There's my phone, flip and push. 183 00:09:18,716 --> 00:09:20,050 Niles Crane. 184 00:09:20,134 --> 00:09:21,219 Oh, Marjorie. 185 00:09:22,011 --> 00:09:23,304 How are you? 186 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,432 Oh, what a shame. 187 00:09:25,516 --> 00:09:28,936 Well, no, no that's all right. There will be other dances. 188 00:09:29,853 --> 00:09:33,399 No, no, I… I understand completely. Take care. 189 00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:39,030 Well, guess I won't be needing those dancing lessons. 190 00:09:39,114 --> 00:09:40,448 I guess not. 191 00:09:41,783 --> 00:09:43,076 I'm sorry, son. 192 00:09:45,704 --> 00:09:48,707 Couldn't find any Cugie but this'll do. 193 00:09:48,791 --> 00:09:54,296 All right now, in the samba, you have to hold me a little closer. 194 00:09:54,380 --> 00:09:57,216 -Are you ready? Yeah? -There's one thing I wanted to mention. 195 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,177 [SAMBA MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 196 00:10:01,346 --> 00:10:03,598 I'm a dancer. A dancer dances! 197 00:10:09,814 --> 00:10:10,982 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 198 00:10:11,816 --> 00:10:15,444 Well, look who's here. It's my dancing pal. Hello, Fred. 199 00:10:15,528 --> 00:10:16,571 Hello, Ginger. 200 00:10:17,113 --> 00:10:19,407 It's a little joke we have. 201 00:10:20,826 --> 00:10:23,203 Look, Daphne, I got two new CDs today. 202 00:10:23,287 --> 00:10:25,789 Tonight we master the mambo and the conga. 203 00:10:25,873 --> 00:10:28,583 I can feel myself growing a pencil-thin mustache just saying that. 204 00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:30,502 You're having more lessons tonight? 205 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:33,256 Oh, yes. He's gonna be the best dancer at the ball. 206 00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,300 I'll just go get us some coffees. 207 00:10:38,636 --> 00:10:40,346 Why didn't you tell her your date had canceled? 208 00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:41,264 You don't need lessons. 209 00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:43,976 I wanted to but she's just having so much fun. 210 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,729 Come on, Niles. You think I don't see the way you look at Daphne? 211 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:50,649 -What are you implying? -You know damn well what I'm implying. 212 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,861 Take my word for it. You're sticking a fork in the toaster here. 213 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,280 Well, my muffin's stuck. 214 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:04,123 Besides, what's the harm in a few dance lessons? 215 00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:08,377 It's nighttime, you're alone, the music's on. 216 00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:10,671 You've got your arms around her. 217 00:11:10,755 --> 00:11:12,840 You'll end up saying something you can't take back. 218 00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,844 -I have no intention of saying anything. -No one ever does. 219 00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:17,388 Take my word for it. 220 00:11:19,056 --> 00:11:20,956 When I was separated from your mother, 221 00:11:21,850 --> 00:11:24,770 there was this pretty coroner in the city morgue. 222 00:11:26,439 --> 00:11:28,525 I always had a bit of a crush on her. 223 00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:33,488 Whenever we'd find a dead body, I'd yell out, "Okay, boys, I'll take it from here." 224 00:11:34,114 --> 00:11:38,201 So, this one night I invited her down to the corner bar. 225 00:11:38,285 --> 00:11:39,703 Coroners have their own bars? 226 00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:42,498 No, corner, Niles. The corner bar! 227 00:11:47,796 --> 00:11:53,051 Anyway, we had a few drinks, the lights were low, Sinatra on the juke box… 228 00:11:53,135 --> 00:11:55,803 Before I knew it, it just all came pouring out of me. 229 00:11:55,887 --> 00:11:57,221 I told her how I felt. 230 00:11:57,305 --> 00:12:00,805 I mean, I knew the second it was out of my mouth that it was a mistake. 231 00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:02,770 Well, she let me down easy 232 00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:05,654 but we still had to go on seeing each other all the time. 233 00:12:06,149 --> 00:12:08,818 It sure was no fun going to the morgue after that. 234 00:12:10,487 --> 00:12:14,574 Well, so, what time are we starting your lessons tonight, Dr. Crane? 235 00:12:14,658 --> 00:12:16,659 NILES: Actually that won't be necessary. 236 00:12:16,743 --> 00:12:19,537 I just got a call from Marjorie and something's come up. 237 00:12:19,621 --> 00:12:20,873 I won't be going to the ball. 238 00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:23,918 -Oh. Well, I'm sorry. -NILES: It's quite all right. 239 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:25,962 Thank you for all your help. 240 00:12:26,629 --> 00:12:29,632 It seems such a shame to waste all that hard work. 241 00:12:31,427 --> 00:12:33,845 I hope you don't think I'm being too forward, 242 00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:37,182 but what would you say about our going to the dance together? 243 00:12:37,266 --> 00:12:40,268 Now he's already taken up too much of your time, Daphne. 244 00:12:40,352 --> 00:12:42,980 -He couldn't ask you to do that. -But it would be as much fun for me 245 00:12:43,064 --> 00:12:46,401 as it would be for him. I'd love an elegant evening out. 246 00:12:46,485 --> 00:12:49,487 -What do you say, Dr. Crane? -Tell her what you say, Dr. Crane. 247 00:12:49,571 --> 00:12:51,948 -Pick you up at 7:00? -Oh! Yes! 248 00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:52,991 Great! 249 00:13:01,876 --> 00:13:05,588 No, Eddie that's not your banana. That's Mr. Pig. 250 00:13:05,672 --> 00:13:07,841 Listen to the difference, 251 00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:13,639 pig, banana, pig, banana. 252 00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:16,976 I still love you, you little pinhead. Go sit down. 253 00:13:17,644 --> 00:13:18,728 [DOOR OPENS] 254 00:13:19,437 --> 00:13:21,188 Oh, Frasier, am I glad you're back. 255 00:13:21,272 --> 00:13:23,482 -Listen… -Dad, please. Please. 256 00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:25,484 I've spent the most wonderful six days with Frederick. 257 00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:28,238 I am technically still on vacation until 10 a.m. tomorrow. 258 00:13:28,322 --> 00:13:30,365 -Yeah, yeah, but listen, I… -Bup, bup, bup! 259 00:13:30,449 --> 00:13:34,119 Dad, I do not care to know how hard Daphne made you exercise 260 00:13:34,203 --> 00:13:37,457 or about the boring foreign film Niles made you sit through. 261 00:13:37,541 --> 00:13:41,503 Or about the progress of Eddie's on-again, off-again romance with the ottoman. 262 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,797 -But you don't understand. -Dad, please. 263 00:13:44,881 --> 00:13:47,633 For all intents and purposes, I am not here. 264 00:13:47,717 --> 00:13:48,678 [DOORBELL RINGS] 265 00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:52,097 That'll be me date. Oh, I'm so excited. 266 00:13:52,181 --> 00:13:55,309 This is me first ball. Oh, I hope he likes me dress. 267 00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:58,187 -Daphne. -Hello, Dr. Crane. Welcome back. 268 00:14:00,023 --> 00:14:00,983 Hello. 269 00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:05,111 -Wow! -Oh, you… 270 00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:06,279 Thank you. 271 00:14:06,363 --> 00:14:07,655 Niles. 272 00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:09,741 Oh, Frasier, you're back. Well, our carriage awaits. 273 00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:11,410 And you better get her home at a decent hour. 274 00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:14,455 -I'm gonna be waiting up for you. -Oh! Mr. Crane. 275 00:14:21,672 --> 00:14:23,257 What the hell was that? 276 00:14:24,466 --> 00:14:26,593 Eddie, did you hear something? 277 00:14:26,677 --> 00:14:28,845 It can't be Frasier. He's still on vacation. 278 00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:31,515 Dad? What was that? 279 00:14:31,599 --> 00:14:33,726 Dad, will you stop kidding around? Was that a date? 280 00:14:33,810 --> 00:14:34,769 Dad! 281 00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:39,149 [BAND PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC] 282 00:14:51,704 --> 00:14:55,166 Oh, Dr. Crane, it's so beautiful. 283 00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:58,836 Just for tonight, could you call me Niles? 284 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:03,717 Well, when I was at school, I knew a boy named Niles and I called him Niley. 285 00:15:04,927 --> 00:15:07,027 Just for tonight, could you call me Niles? 286 00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,391 You're a vision. 287 00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:11,934 Everyone's staring at you. 288 00:15:12,018 --> 00:15:15,605 Oh, well, you look awfully handsome yourself, Niles. 289 00:15:16,023 --> 00:15:17,149 [CHUCKLING] 290 00:15:19,943 --> 00:15:22,571 Well, uh, would you like some champagne? 291 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,905 -That would be lovely. -Be back in a moment. 292 00:15:25,532 --> 00:15:30,162 -Uh, two champagnes, tout de suite. -Niles, dear, how are you? 293 00:15:30,246 --> 00:15:32,999 -Just fine, thanks. -Andrew, say hello to Niles. 294 00:15:33,083 --> 00:15:34,792 Haven't seen you for ages. 295 00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:36,627 We feel just terrible about you and Maris. 296 00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,505 Oh, yes, we were just devastated. 297 00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:40,716 Positively everyone is talking about it. 298 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,969 -Oh, and how is positively everyone? -Devastated. 299 00:15:44,053 --> 00:15:46,680 We were just saying that to Maris when we ran into her 300 00:15:46,764 --> 00:15:48,850 and Barclay Paxton at the Breeder's Cup. 301 00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:51,894 No, no, no, no, she was with Carlo Binaldi at the Breeder's Cup. 302 00:15:51,978 --> 00:15:54,063 Well, it's so hard to keep track. 303 00:15:54,147 --> 00:15:58,610 Anyway, Niles, if there's anything we can do to cheer you up, just let us know. 304 00:15:59,569 --> 00:16:01,364 Perhaps a murder-suicide pact. 305 00:16:02,782 --> 00:16:05,075 Well, they weren't very nice. 306 00:16:05,159 --> 00:16:07,870 Well, everyone in our set seems to have this idea 307 00:16:07,954 --> 00:16:09,913 that while Maris is out living the high life, 308 00:16:09,997 --> 00:16:11,875 I'm sitting at home crushed and lonely. 309 00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:14,878 Yeah, well, never mind those gossipy twits. 310 00:16:14,962 --> 00:16:17,005 Tonight you're all mine. 311 00:16:17,089 --> 00:16:22,345 Now, take me in your arms, Niles, and let the music carry us away. 312 00:16:27,392 --> 00:16:29,392 Thank you. We'll be back in ten minutes. 313 00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,902 [BAND PLAYING LIVELY DANCE MUSIC] 314 00:16:45,454 --> 00:16:46,747 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 315 00:16:49,499 --> 00:16:52,251 I can't remember when I've had a better time. 316 00:16:52,335 --> 00:16:53,753 I'm on cloud nine. 317 00:16:53,837 --> 00:16:56,090 I'd have to look down to see cloud nine. 318 00:16:58,134 --> 00:17:01,553 Daphne, I must tell you again that's an exquisite gown. 319 00:17:01,637 --> 00:17:02,930 Oh, thanks. 320 00:17:03,014 --> 00:17:04,973 It was way out of me price range 321 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:08,812 but did you ever see something and say, "I just have to have it"? 322 00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:14,109 Where's my chair? 323 00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:16,863 [BAND PLAYING TANGO MUSIC] 324 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:20,700 Oh, a tango. 325 00:17:20,784 --> 00:17:23,703 -Oh, you never taught me a tango. -Oh, you'll love it. 326 00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:25,162 It's perfect for you. 327 00:17:25,246 --> 00:17:27,708 This is a passionate, full-blooded dance 328 00:17:27,792 --> 00:17:30,377 that rose up from the slums of Buenos Aires. 329 00:17:30,461 --> 00:17:33,880 Well, the parallels between me and an unemployed gaucho aside, 330 00:17:33,964 --> 00:17:36,049 I think we should probably just sit this one out. 331 00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:40,013 Oh, nonsense. There's only one rule in the tango. 332 00:17:40,722 --> 00:17:46,644 Our bodies must be in continuous contact with not a sliver of daylight between us. 333 00:17:46,728 --> 00:17:48,021 I can do that. 334 00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:53,277 -Loosen up! Don't be afraid. -Well, I… 335 00:17:53,361 --> 00:17:56,196 -Daphne won't let anything happen to you. -I don't think that… 336 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,866 Don't think. Just feel. 337 00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:01,912 You're an Argentine slum-dweller. 338 00:18:02,496 --> 00:18:04,956 You have no house, no car, 339 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,167 you don't know where your next meal is coming from 340 00:18:07,251 --> 00:18:10,546 but none of that matters because tonight… 341 00:18:12,423 --> 00:18:13,841 We have the tango. 342 00:18:13,925 --> 00:18:16,678 [SPANISH ACCENT] Oh, Mama, I've got it all! 343 00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:27,898 That's it! You're dazzling! You're brilliant! 344 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,275 -But I feel you're holding back. -I am? 345 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,698 -Oh, this is no time for inhibitions. -[NORMAL VOICE] I know. 346 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,868 Come on, let it out, Niles. 347 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,953 Let everything out! 348 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,707 Oh, Daphne, I adore you! 349 00:18:48,254 --> 00:18:50,381 I adore you too. 350 00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:53,009 What? 351 00:18:55,094 --> 00:18:57,096 I adore you too. 352 00:18:57,180 --> 00:19:02,018 -Oh, how I've longed to hear those words. -Oh, how I've longed to say them. 353 00:19:02,102 --> 00:19:04,312 You're beautiful. You're a goddess. 354 00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:07,274 Oh, I don't ever want this moment to end. 355 00:19:07,358 --> 00:19:09,068 Then let's not let it. 356 00:19:27,087 --> 00:19:28,423 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 357 00:19:39,185 --> 00:19:41,770 This is the most glorious night of my life. 358 00:19:41,854 --> 00:19:43,522 Oh, mine too. 359 00:19:57,412 --> 00:20:00,332 Oh, Daphne, I'm a new man! 360 00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:05,129 -Do you have any idea what I'm feeling? -Oh, of course I do. 361 00:20:05,213 --> 00:20:08,507 -Your friends look positively dumb struck. -Yes. 362 00:20:08,591 --> 00:20:12,262 Yeah, from now on, there'll be no more of that "Oh, poor Niles" attitude. 363 00:20:12,346 --> 00:20:14,014 Far from it. 364 00:20:14,098 --> 00:20:17,601 Oh, I knew you were a good dancer 365 00:20:17,685 --> 00:20:21,563 but I had no idea you were such a good actor. 366 00:20:22,231 --> 00:20:23,774 -Actor? -Yeah. 367 00:20:23,858 --> 00:20:26,652 "Daphne, you're a goddess." "Daphne, I adore you." 368 00:20:26,736 --> 00:20:29,488 Oh, we fooled everyone, didn't we? 369 00:20:29,572 --> 00:20:30,740 Oh… 370 00:20:32,951 --> 00:20:36,914 Oh, we certainly did, didn't we? 371 00:20:37,832 --> 00:20:40,042 I'm surprised it was so easy. 372 00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:44,671 Well, given the right circumstances, anyone can be fooled. 373 00:20:44,755 --> 00:20:46,174 [BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC] 374 00:20:46,258 --> 00:20:48,858 -Oh, what do you say to another dance? -No, thanks. 375 00:20:49,594 --> 00:20:52,347 -It's getting late and I've danced enough. -All right, then. 376 00:20:52,431 --> 00:20:55,350 Well, I'll just go powder my nose and then we'll be off. 377 00:21:05,987 --> 00:21:07,238 Niles? 378 00:21:07,322 --> 00:21:08,698 No, no, please. 379 00:21:08,782 --> 00:21:10,241 Claire Barnes? 380 00:21:10,325 --> 00:21:12,118 I was an associate in your attorney's office. 381 00:21:12,202 --> 00:21:14,871 Oh, yes, Claire. It's good to see you again. 382 00:21:14,955 --> 00:21:19,126 Well, I heard about you and Maris and I just wanted to give you my card 383 00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:21,504 and let you know that you're free to call me any time. 384 00:21:21,588 --> 00:21:23,673 Thank you. I'm happy with my attorney. 385 00:21:24,299 --> 00:21:26,134 I meant to go dancing. 386 00:21:27,761 --> 00:21:28,678 Oh. 387 00:21:29,638 --> 00:21:30,473 Thanks. 388 00:21:33,851 --> 00:21:36,395 -Well, are you ready? -Uh… 389 00:21:38,606 --> 00:21:40,900 -No, I don't think I am. -I beg your pardon? 390 00:21:40,984 --> 00:21:43,236 -I mean, yes, let's go. -Oh. 391 00:21:44,821 --> 00:21:48,199 -We had a time tonight, didn't we? -We certainly did. 392 00:21:48,283 --> 00:21:51,328 And to think you almost didn't come to the ball. 393 00:21:51,412 --> 00:21:56,209 You know, it's such a shame when people let fear stop them from trying new things. 394 00:21:57,668 --> 00:21:58,669 Excuse me. 395 00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:06,512 I'm ready now. 396 00:22:13,561 --> 00:22:14,562 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 397 00:22:14,646 --> 00:22:17,122 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 398 00:22:17,206 --> 00:22:19,359 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 399 00:22:20,318 --> 00:22:21,736 Mercy. 400 00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:23,905 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 401 00:22:23,989 --> 00:22:26,658 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 402 00:22:26,742 --> 00:22:28,744 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 403 00:22:28,828 --> 00:22:30,412 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 404 00:22:30,496 --> 00:22:33,874 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 405 00:22:34,751 --> 00:22:37,212 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 406 00:22:37,629 --> 00:22:38,755 Thank you!