1 00:00:02,064 --> 00:00:04,066 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,073 --> 00:00:13,660 -Hey, Daphne, you seen Eddie? -No, I haven't. 3 00:00:13,744 --> 00:00:16,871 It just doesn't feel right to start the day without him licking me awake. 4 00:00:16,955 --> 00:00:18,248 Well, don't look at me. 5 00:00:20,668 --> 00:00:23,128 Morning, all. Daphne, I got treats. 6 00:00:23,212 --> 00:00:25,714 -What the hell you doing with him? -We went for a walk. 7 00:00:25,798 --> 00:00:26,883 I'm talking to Eddie. 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,268 When I saw what a beautiful day it was today, I headed for the park. 9 00:00:36,352 --> 00:00:39,104 Of course the only people in the park this hour of the morning without dogs 10 00:00:39,188 --> 00:00:41,606 are winos and that guy who washes his hair in the fountain. 11 00:00:41,690 --> 00:00:42,990 He says hello, by the way. 12 00:00:44,777 --> 00:00:46,653 It is sort of nice out, isn't it? 13 00:00:46,737 --> 00:00:49,490 "Sort of" nice? My God, haven't you people noticed this? 14 00:00:49,574 --> 00:00:51,534 It's incredible! Dad, you should feel this. 15 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,203 It's 80 degrees outside, and it's the middle of February. 16 00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:59,584 Oh, it is beautiful. And in the middle of such a terrible winter. 17 00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:02,170 Oh, I love nature's little aberrations. 18 00:01:02,254 --> 00:01:06,550 Warm days in winter, four-leaf clovers, Australians. 19 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:08,844 Yes, it is glorious. 20 00:01:08,928 --> 00:01:12,139 It defies you not to take a moment to acknowledge the power that created it. 21 00:01:12,223 --> 00:01:14,183 Thank you, global warming! 22 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:20,189 Hey, Frasier, think your guy down at the liquor store could send a bottle of Scotch 23 00:01:20,273 --> 00:01:21,691 to my buddy Jimmy in Montana? 24 00:01:21,775 --> 00:01:23,359 Sure, Dad. What's the occasion? 25 00:01:23,443 --> 00:01:25,028 Today's his 16th birthday. 26 00:01:25,112 --> 00:01:27,906 Oh, well, then you'll want to throw in a hooker, too, won't you? 27 00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:29,158 [CHUCKLES] 28 00:01:29,242 --> 00:01:31,744 -No, don't you get it? It's February 29th. -Mm. 29 00:01:31,828 --> 00:01:32,953 -It's a leap year. -Right. 30 00:01:33,037 --> 00:01:34,663 See, he only gets a birthday every four years. 31 00:01:34,747 --> 00:01:35,956 -I get it, Dad. -He's really 64. 32 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:36,940 I can do the math. 33 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,003 He's having a big shindig tonight. 34 00:01:41,087 --> 00:01:43,298 A lot of guys from the force fly in for it. 35 00:01:43,382 --> 00:01:46,509 Everybody drinks a lot of beer and then they have a contest 36 00:01:46,593 --> 00:01:48,511 to see who's got the biggest scar. 37 00:01:48,595 --> 00:01:50,889 This year, I had a real good chance of winning 38 00:01:50,973 --> 00:01:53,123 now that Shark-Bait O'Reilly's finally died. 39 00:01:58,398 --> 00:02:00,691 So, why aren't you going? 40 00:02:00,775 --> 00:02:01,776 Yeah, Dad. You should go. 41 00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:03,611 Eh, Montana's too far away. 42 00:02:03,695 --> 00:02:06,405 Well, Dad, this birthday only comes around once every four years. 43 00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:09,689 Matter of fact, this day only comes around once every four years. 44 00:02:09,827 --> 00:02:10,661 Huh. 45 00:02:11,162 --> 00:02:12,746 You know, it's like a free day, a gift. 46 00:02:12,830 --> 00:02:14,748 We should do something special. Be bold. 47 00:02:14,832 --> 00:02:16,792 It's leap year. Take a leap. 48 00:02:16,876 --> 00:02:19,626 You know, I was just about to say the same thing to you. 49 00:02:23,341 --> 00:02:27,053 Your son's right. You shouldn't be afraid to shake up your routine a little bit. 50 00:02:27,137 --> 00:02:29,639 Hey, I don't see you taking any big leaps today. 51 00:02:29,723 --> 00:02:32,350 If there was something I wanted to do, I would do it. 52 00:02:32,434 --> 00:02:34,602 You're always whining about wanting to change your hair. 53 00:02:34,686 --> 00:02:36,355 [WHINING] I don't whine. 54 00:02:37,648 --> 00:02:40,109 [IMITATING DAPHNE] "I'm so sick of me hair. 55 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:43,488 "Do you think I should get it cut like Princess Di?" 56 00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:46,949 "Ooh, do you think that'd make me cheeks look too fat?" 57 00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:51,163 That reminds me of the craziest thing me Grammy Moon used to say." 58 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:56,167 I'll pay for the damn haircut if you'll stop yakking and just do it. 59 00:02:56,251 --> 00:02:59,295 Yes, well, I'll pay for you to go to Montana. 60 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:02,006 It's not the one next to New Hampshire, is it? 61 00:03:02,090 --> 00:03:04,343 No. And Dad can pay for his own trip. 62 00:03:04,427 --> 00:03:07,263 All right then. And I can pay for me own haircut. 63 00:03:07,347 --> 00:03:11,475 All right, Dad, back in your court. Are you up to the leap year challenge? 64 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,560 Nah. 65 00:03:13,144 --> 00:03:15,438 Dad, Jimmy's already 16. 66 00:03:15,522 --> 00:03:17,942 How many more birthdays is he going to have? 67 00:03:20,402 --> 00:03:22,154 You know, I would kind of hate not being there 68 00:03:22,238 --> 00:03:24,406 when Jimmy brings out the big ham. 69 00:03:28,452 --> 00:03:31,205 Oh. All right, what the hell? I'll go. I'll call the airlines after breakfast. 70 00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:32,623 That's the spirit! 71 00:03:32,707 --> 00:03:34,917 Hey, what's your big leap year challenge? 72 00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:37,170 -[DOORBELL RINGS] -I'm singing "Buttons and Bows" tonight 73 00:03:37,254 --> 00:03:38,546 at the PBS pledge drive. 74 00:03:38,630 --> 00:03:41,132 You've sung that same stupid song for the last three years. 75 00:03:41,216 --> 00:03:44,344 Yes, but I'm doing something remarkably fresh and different with it this year. 76 00:03:44,428 --> 00:03:47,428 -You're just blowing smoke, aren't you? -Like a 56 Rambler. 77 00:03:48,057 --> 00:03:49,725 -Good morning, Niles. -Good? 78 00:03:49,809 --> 00:03:52,895 It's glorious, heaven-sent. And you know why? 79 00:03:52,979 --> 00:03:55,981 Maris called. She wants to get together with me this evening. 80 00:03:56,065 --> 00:03:57,317 Oh, Niles, that's wonderful news. 81 00:03:57,401 --> 00:03:59,652 It's high time you and Maris talked through your problems. 82 00:03:59,736 --> 00:04:02,155 She doesn't want to talk. When she says "get together," 83 00:04:02,239 --> 00:04:05,742 she means in the "you wear the crème fraîche, I'll lick it off" sense. 84 00:04:08,412 --> 00:04:10,790 She's cleared her schedule from 7:00 till 7:30. 85 00:04:10,874 --> 00:04:12,584 That means foreplay and cuddling. 86 00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:17,671 Niles, remember when you were a kid and your mother and I wouldn't discuss 87 00:04:17,755 --> 00:04:20,925 the Cuban Missile Crisis in front of you 'cause we knew it'd give you bad dreams? 88 00:04:21,009 --> 00:04:22,092 Yes. 89 00:04:22,176 --> 00:04:24,054 It's a two-way street. 90 00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:28,475 Mm. 91 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,352 Oh. 92 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,771 -Breakfast, Dr. Crane? -Uh, yes, thank you, Daphne. 93 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:36,358 Niles, I don't mind telling you I'm a little bit concerned about this. 94 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,444 Maris claps her hands, you come running? 95 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,728 Well, don't forget there's a little something for me in this too. 96 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,616 I haven't had sex in six months. 97 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,077 Surely you're exaggerating. You've only been separated for three. 98 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,621 And your point would be? 99 00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:58,215 You really want to sacrifice your self-respect for a roll in the hay? 100 00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:02,637 Substitute a 16th-century giltwood fainting couch for hay and watch me roll. 101 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,559 Niles, you and Maris have not sat down and discussed your problems. 102 00:05:07,643 --> 00:05:10,353 As a psychiatrist, you know that sex will only cloud the issues. 103 00:05:10,437 --> 00:05:12,356 You don't realize how desperate I am. 104 00:05:13,273 --> 00:05:16,944 Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me. 105 00:05:18,529 --> 00:05:19,363 Oh, Niles. 106 00:05:19,447 --> 00:05:24,243 Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. 107 00:05:24,327 --> 00:05:28,077 Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not getting any. 108 00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:33,879 Will you at least think about what I've said? 109 00:05:33,963 --> 00:05:35,714 I can't. She's leaving for Europe in the morning, 110 00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:38,175 so I have a very small window of opportunity. 111 00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:40,970 Niles, you know I'm right. 112 00:05:41,595 --> 00:05:43,680 You don't want me to have sex 'cause you're not having any. 113 00:05:43,764 --> 00:05:45,224 I most certainly am too. 114 00:05:45,308 --> 00:05:49,354 Oh, your lips say yes, but your cuticles speak volumes. 115 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:07,206 -Niles… -Oh, you're right. 116 00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:09,709 I'll tell her no. 117 00:06:10,751 --> 00:06:13,351 -It's not going to be easy, though. -Of course not. 118 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,548 Just don't think about sex. 119 00:06:15,632 --> 00:06:18,593 Would you like me to butter your buns for you, Dr. Crane? 120 00:06:20,137 --> 00:06:22,014 [CLATTERING] 121 00:06:24,391 --> 00:06:25,810 Grandma in a teddy. 122 00:06:30,398 --> 00:06:31,274 Thank you. 123 00:06:41,285 --> 00:06:43,829 ♪ You're all mine in buttons and bows ♪ 124 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,332 Oh, God, it must be PBS pledge time again. 125 00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:48,250 Mm-hm. 126 00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:51,044 Roz, it is a wonderful day. 127 00:06:51,128 --> 00:06:54,507 I think the entire city of Seattle is convinced it's springtime. 128 00:06:54,591 --> 00:06:56,634 I was walking down the street. I passed a pet store 129 00:06:56,718 --> 00:07:00,763 and in the window, I could see two snakes doing a mating dance. 130 00:07:00,847 --> 00:07:03,724 If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world 131 00:07:03,808 --> 00:07:06,729 is like toasting a law school graduation. 132 00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:13,735 Well, I can see the unseasonable sunshine has done nothing to improve your mood. 133 00:07:13,819 --> 00:07:16,905 Well, how would you feel if you just lost the love of your life? 134 00:07:16,989 --> 00:07:19,701 Well, alimony aside, I found it rather liberating. 135 00:07:21,328 --> 00:07:24,330 My car wouldn't start, so I had to take the bus. 136 00:07:24,414 --> 00:07:28,459 And we're all crowded on there, when suddenly I smell Lagerfeld 137 00:07:28,543 --> 00:07:32,171 and I look up and there he is. 138 00:07:32,255 --> 00:07:33,633 Karl Lagerfeld? 139 00:07:35,927 --> 00:07:39,263 His name is Gary. I don't know his last name. 140 00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:42,016 Anyway, we got to talking and we were really connecting. 141 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,309 I started to believe in kismet. 142 00:07:44,393 --> 00:07:47,022 And all of a sudden, people wanna get off the bus, and I'm in their way. 143 00:07:47,106 --> 00:07:50,650 So I get off to let them out, and before I can get back on, the damn bus drives off. 144 00:07:50,734 --> 00:07:52,235 Out of my life forever. 145 00:07:52,319 --> 00:07:55,369 I'm sure another one would've come along in ten minutes or so. 146 00:07:55,614 --> 00:07:57,783 -I'm talking about the guy. -So am I. 147 00:08:01,454 --> 00:08:02,955 You don't get it, Frasier. 148 00:08:03,039 --> 00:08:05,583 I mean, I really felt this guy was the one. 149 00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,918 Well, if you really want to try to find him again, 150 00:08:08,002 --> 00:08:09,587 we do reach half a million listeners. 151 00:08:09,671 --> 00:08:11,797 Why don't you just tell your story on the air? 152 00:08:11,881 --> 00:08:15,927 On the air? Oh, I couldn't do that. It'd make me look pathetic. 153 00:08:16,011 --> 00:08:17,929 Oh, it's too bizarre. It's too needy. 154 00:08:18,013 --> 00:08:19,849 -It's 2:00. -Oh, my God! 155 00:08:24,603 --> 00:08:27,691 A glorious good afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. 156 00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:30,860 I'm thinking a lot today about leap year. 157 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:35,448 Today is February 29th, and although it isn't an official holiday, 158 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:38,242 perhaps it could be looked upon as one in a metaphorical sense. 159 00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:41,330 Just as Christmas reminds us to be generous of spirit, 160 00:08:41,414 --> 00:08:45,876 so leap year reminds us to take a "leap" in our own lives. 161 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,212 To be bold, to try something new. 162 00:08:48,296 --> 00:08:50,964 Too often we shrink from doing things we want to, 163 00:08:51,048 --> 00:08:55,554 held back by, oh, appearing foolish perhaps. 164 00:08:57,306 --> 00:08:58,182 Roz? 165 00:08:59,725 --> 00:09:04,688 Is there anything you would like to say before we start taking calls? 166 00:09:08,526 --> 00:09:09,360 No. 167 00:09:12,113 --> 00:09:14,615 I'm reminded of a quotation by John Greenleaf Whittier, 168 00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:17,619 "For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 169 00:09:18,453 --> 00:09:19,621 'It might have been.' " 170 00:09:21,457 --> 00:09:22,291 Roz? 171 00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:27,463 No. 172 00:09:29,673 --> 00:09:32,259 Did you know that a woman over the age of 30 173 00:09:32,343 --> 00:09:33,677 has less chance of getting married 174 00:09:33,761 --> 00:09:35,972 than of being killed in a terrorist attack? 175 00:09:42,687 --> 00:09:43,939 This is to Gary. 176 00:09:44,773 --> 00:09:47,275 I was on the number 7 bus around noon, 177 00:09:47,359 --> 00:09:51,488 and you were a stockbroker with a tan briefcase and a cleft chin. 178 00:09:51,572 --> 00:09:55,492 And the bus was really crowded, and we both reached for the hand strap 179 00:09:55,576 --> 00:09:57,077 and our hands touched. 180 00:09:57,161 --> 00:10:00,038 And we laughed. And you said I had a really great laugh, 181 00:10:00,122 --> 00:10:03,272 and I said you had a really great laugh, and we laughed at that. 182 00:10:04,795 --> 00:10:07,338 Anyway, you asked me if I were free on Friday, 183 00:10:07,422 --> 00:10:10,008 but we got separated before I could give you my phone number, 184 00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:13,742 which I would have because I really liked you and I thought you were cute. 185 00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:19,310 So, Gary, if you're listening, please, please give us a call. 186 00:10:19,894 --> 00:10:22,062 We'll be right back after these words. 187 00:10:22,146 --> 00:10:25,649 Oh, God! How could I say "I really liked you, I thought you were cute"? 188 00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:27,485 Who am I? Marcia Brady? 189 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,992 Well, we'll be right back for more calls 190 00:10:34,076 --> 00:10:37,329 and more on the search for Gary after this news break. 191 00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:39,456 Good news. 192 00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:42,544 I figured out a way I can have sex and we can all be happy. 193 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:47,132 As I pause to make sure that the on-air light is off… 194 00:10:48,842 --> 00:10:49,759 Continue. 195 00:10:49,843 --> 00:10:52,303 Well, I was driving down the freeway, 196 00:10:52,387 --> 00:10:57,101 trying hard to notice the provocative decals truckers have on their mud flaps… 197 00:11:00,146 --> 00:11:03,357 When I heard your little speech about breaking out of familiar patterns. 198 00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:06,610 -Mm-hmm. -Well, sleeping alone has been my pattern. 199 00:11:06,694 --> 00:11:08,894 -I'm ready to take a leap. -No, you're not. 200 00:11:09,656 --> 00:11:12,575 Okay, not a leap, but you've gotta give me something. A hop, a bound. 201 00:11:12,659 --> 00:11:16,009 -Give me a jump. Oh, God, jump! -Niles, would you just get a grip? 202 00:11:16,413 --> 00:11:18,456 If you thought being with Maris was the right thing to do, 203 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:19,791 you would be with her. 204 00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:20,708 You know it's wrong. 205 00:11:20,792 --> 00:11:23,212 That's why you're here, asking for my permission. 206 00:11:23,296 --> 00:11:25,297 Frasier, what if we don't have sex? 207 00:11:25,381 --> 00:11:27,716 -What if we just snuggle? -Whoops, excuse me. 208 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:28,676 Oh… 209 00:11:29,802 --> 00:11:30,636 Roz. 210 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,805 I never noticed what a perky little walk you have. 211 00:11:32,889 --> 00:11:34,473 -Oh. Niles. Niles! -Roz? Roz? 212 00:11:34,557 --> 00:11:36,685 -Roz… -Niles, stop! Get back in here. 213 00:11:39,855 --> 00:11:42,774 You just stop that. Niles, get control. 214 00:11:42,858 --> 00:11:44,859 My God, man, there are far more important things 215 00:11:44,943 --> 00:11:47,070 than simple immediate physical gratification. 216 00:11:47,154 --> 00:11:48,280 You're right. 217 00:11:48,364 --> 00:11:52,035 I just have to marshal my self-discipline and be strong. 218 00:11:53,703 --> 00:11:54,621 [EXHALES] 219 00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,346 -Fifteen seconds. -Oh. 220 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:14,599 -What is wrong with your brother today? -Oh, ignore him. 221 00:12:14,683 --> 00:12:16,477 Human nature never ceases to amaze me. 222 00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:18,021 How otherwise rational people 223 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,565 can be turned into babbling ninnies by their hormones. 224 00:12:20,649 --> 00:12:21,649 Oh, my God! 225 00:12:21,733 --> 00:12:25,570 There's Gary! Oh, my God! He's here! It's him! 226 00:12:29,741 --> 00:12:30,660 [SIGHS] 227 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:33,871 Well, we're back. 228 00:12:33,955 --> 00:12:37,082 You'll all be glad to know that Cupid's arrow has hit its mark. 229 00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:39,418 Gary has just arrived in the hallway 230 00:12:39,502 --> 00:12:42,296 and has a big bouquet of flowers for Roz. 231 00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:46,134 The truth is I'm really quite delighted with the way things have turned out. 232 00:12:46,218 --> 00:12:50,263 It inspires me to take a little leap of my own. 233 00:12:50,347 --> 00:12:53,516 As many of you know, this evening for the third year in a row, 234 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,978 I will be appearing on the PBS pledge drive. 235 00:12:56,562 --> 00:12:59,315 I was getting a little nervous the way you were describing me on the air. 236 00:12:59,399 --> 00:13:02,068 -Oh, why? -Well, my wife listens to the show. 237 00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:04,111 -You're married? -Yeah, but it's okay. 238 00:13:04,195 --> 00:13:05,795 I still want to go out with you. 239 00:13:08,158 --> 00:13:13,205 So, instead of "Buttons and Bows," I have chosen instead to sing 240 00:13:13,289 --> 00:13:16,166 a very challenging aria from Verdi's Rigoletto, 241 00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:19,836 something I have never attempted outside the shower. 242 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,509 I certainly hope my little gamble turns out as well as Roz's has. 243 00:13:35,729 --> 00:13:37,063 Or even better. 244 00:13:41,903 --> 00:13:44,530 [FRASIER SEARCHING FOR NOTE] 245 00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:50,160 Oh, God! 246 00:13:50,244 --> 00:13:53,040 Well, perhaps they'll pledge to get you to stop singing. 247 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,837 Oh, and by the way, thanks so much for the cold shower tip. 248 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,713 -Did it work? -No, it did not. 249 00:14:00,797 --> 00:14:04,797 It's clearly an old wives' tale because I'm still thinking of my old wife's tail. 250 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,639 Yes, well, I suppose it stood to reason being showered with coldness 251 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,683 would only bring Maris more to mind. 252 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,853 Keep making remarks like that, I won't help you rehearse. 253 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:16,355 I'm sorry. It's just that I'm awfully nervous. 254 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,733 As much as I admire your willingness to take a leap, 255 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:23,030 I did warn you that you were getting into a dangerous aria. [CHUCKLES] 256 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:27,117 God, I'm using humor to mask sexual frustration. 257 00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,911 -It's high school all over again. -Niles, I know it's difficult, 258 00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:32,290 but Maris has got to learn that you're not just someone 259 00:14:32,374 --> 00:14:35,126 who can be ordered to perform at will. Now sit. Play. 260 00:14:36,044 --> 00:14:38,504 [PLAYING UP-TEMPO INTRO] 261 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:39,881 [DOOR OPENS] 262 00:14:39,965 --> 00:14:42,092 -♪ Del la… ♪ -[DOOR SLAMS] 263 00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:45,304 Next time it looks like I'm gonna follow a piece of your advice, 264 00:14:45,388 --> 00:14:46,930 shoot me in the head first! 265 00:14:47,014 --> 00:14:49,349 Dad, why aren't you in Montana? 266 00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:53,187 Fifteen minutes out, a flock of Canadian geese flew into one of our engines. 267 00:14:53,271 --> 00:14:55,022 They were the lucky ones. 268 00:14:55,648 --> 00:14:57,941 Next thing you know, we're falling 5,000 feet. 269 00:14:58,025 --> 00:15:00,278 Smokehouse almonds are flying everywhere. 270 00:15:00,362 --> 00:15:02,822 People are screaming and hugging each other. 271 00:15:02,906 --> 00:15:05,074 The guy in the next seat grabbed a hold of my hand. 272 00:15:05,158 --> 00:15:07,702 And you know what? I didn't pull it away. 273 00:15:07,786 --> 00:15:09,370 Then our pilot comes out. 274 00:15:09,454 --> 00:15:10,538 Our landing gear's out. 275 00:15:10,622 --> 00:15:13,834 We're gonna have to do an emergency belly landing in six feet of foam. 276 00:15:13,918 --> 00:15:18,672 So five hellish minutes later, we're bouncing across the runway. 277 00:15:18,756 --> 00:15:20,299 Then the stewardess comes out 278 00:15:20,383 --> 00:15:22,468 and says we're gonna have to go down the emergency slide. 279 00:15:22,552 --> 00:15:25,722 So down I go, head first into this sea of foam. 280 00:15:25,806 --> 00:15:28,433 Last thing I remember, this fat lady from across the aisle 281 00:15:28,517 --> 00:15:31,895 comes barreling down the chute after me like a polyester avalanche. 282 00:15:34,023 --> 00:15:36,358 My God, Dad, I am so sorry. 283 00:15:36,442 --> 00:15:39,403 So these stewardesses, were they also covered with foam? 284 00:15:39,487 --> 00:15:40,572 Will you stop it!? 285 00:15:48,913 --> 00:15:53,252 Well, Dad, if you'd like to talk about it, we're both here for you. 286 00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:56,046 Boy, I tell you, times like this, you just… 287 00:15:56,130 --> 00:15:58,257 All you can think of is your loved ones, 288 00:15:58,341 --> 00:16:00,741 and how you wish you'd spent more time with them. 289 00:16:01,719 --> 00:16:02,762 ALL: Eddie! 290 00:16:05,348 --> 00:16:07,017 Well, let's get back to work. 291 00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:10,603 I need something to take my mind off the fact that at this very moment, 292 00:16:10,687 --> 00:16:14,487 Maris is slipping out of her frilly underthings and into a non-fat milk bath. 293 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,781 -Something wrong? -Yes, something's wrong. 294 00:16:20,865 --> 00:16:23,284 Things turned out so badly for Roz and Dad today, 295 00:16:23,368 --> 00:16:27,454 I'm just wondering if maybe my little leap is ill-advised. 296 00:16:27,538 --> 00:16:28,747 Oh, now. 297 00:16:28,831 --> 00:16:31,000 Maybe this aria thing won't turn out quite so well either. 298 00:16:31,084 --> 00:16:33,420 Just because theirs went wrong doesn't mean yours will too. 299 00:16:33,504 --> 00:16:35,505 -Yeah. -They're two isolated incidents. 300 00:16:35,589 --> 00:16:36,507 All right. 301 00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:40,051 [PLAYING UP-TEMPO INTRO] 302 00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:41,385 -♪ Del la… ♪ -[DOOR OPENS] 303 00:16:51,606 --> 00:16:52,691 [SOBS] 304 00:16:54,693 --> 00:16:58,071 Oh, will these infernal temptations never end! 305 00:17:01,575 --> 00:17:04,078 Oh, tell me the truth. 306 00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:06,997 Is it as bad as I think it is? 307 00:17:08,582 --> 00:17:12,461 How bad do you think it is? 308 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,967 "Take a leap." Mr. Maurice, hair designer. 309 00:17:18,051 --> 00:17:21,054 "Trust me." Children pointing. 310 00:17:21,138 --> 00:17:22,889 Your fault! 311 00:17:25,434 --> 00:17:28,312 Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore. I'm leaving. 312 00:17:28,396 --> 00:17:31,106 No, Niles. You can't leave me now. I need you more now than ever. 313 00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:34,109 Give it up. No one who's followed your little "take a leap" philosophy 314 00:17:34,193 --> 00:17:35,486 has ended up even remotely better. 315 00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:38,120 I don't care what you're saying, I'm going to Maris. 316 00:17:40,324 --> 00:17:42,952 You will rue the day! 317 00:17:43,036 --> 00:17:45,831 I don't care. Niles gotta have it! 318 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,838 [PHONES RINGING] 319 00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,308 -Oh, Pete. -Hi, Doc. 320 00:18:04,392 --> 00:18:06,227 I hear you're doing something new this year. 321 00:18:06,311 --> 00:18:07,813 Whoa. 322 00:18:07,897 --> 00:18:10,941 -Well, is it too hard for you? -For me? No. I'm, I'm worried about you. 323 00:18:11,025 --> 00:18:13,425 I can hit any note. [HITS ONE NOTE ON PIANO] See? 324 00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:17,031 No, Lamb Chop's not here. 325 00:18:17,948 --> 00:18:19,700 Big Bird isn't here either. 326 00:18:20,409 --> 00:18:21,912 What are you doing up so late? 327 00:18:22,496 --> 00:18:23,705 Oh. 328 00:18:23,789 --> 00:18:25,889 Do you have your mommy's credit card handy? 329 00:18:27,417 --> 00:18:29,417 Have your mommy call us back later. Bye. 330 00:18:30,337 --> 00:18:34,925 Well, I guess your little aria must be coming up soon. 331 00:18:35,009 --> 00:18:38,971 Yeah, along with some veal Milanese and a rather disappointing Chardonnay. 332 00:18:39,847 --> 00:18:40,848 Oh. 333 00:18:40,932 --> 00:18:44,393 Roz, I hope you're not still angry with me for the way my advice backfired today. 334 00:18:44,477 --> 00:18:46,520 Oh, no, not at all. 335 00:18:46,604 --> 00:18:49,149 In fact, I've been meaning to tell you how much I admire you 336 00:18:49,233 --> 00:18:51,025 for what you're doing tonight. 337 00:18:51,109 --> 00:18:53,570 After watching me crash and burn like that, 338 00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:56,990 you're gonna go out and sing this very difficult song. 339 00:18:57,074 --> 00:18:58,950 In a foreign language. 340 00:18:59,034 --> 00:19:02,580 Under these unflattering lights with your clothes soaked with sweat. 341 00:19:02,664 --> 00:19:04,540 On live television. 342 00:19:04,624 --> 00:19:08,124 -How long are you gonna stay mad at me? -Until the day I get married. 343 00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:10,212 Yo, Doc. Doc. 344 00:19:10,296 --> 00:19:12,423 Please. I've been going over your music. 345 00:19:12,507 --> 00:19:14,216 And when we get to this section here, 346 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,344 either I can play really loud or jab you with a pin 347 00:19:16,428 --> 00:19:19,557 because you're not hitting this note without a pole vault. 348 00:19:21,058 --> 00:19:22,558 PAGE: Ten seconds, Dr. Crane. 349 00:19:23,352 --> 00:19:25,270 That's it! That's it! 350 00:19:25,354 --> 00:19:27,439 -I'm not doing the aria. -ROZ: What? 351 00:19:27,523 --> 00:19:30,818 You're backing out after you made all of us take those stupid leaps? 352 00:19:30,902 --> 00:19:33,863 You bet I am. It may be an unwise man who doesn't learn from his own mistakes, 353 00:19:33,947 --> 00:19:37,197 but it's an absolute idiot that doesn't learn from other people's. 354 00:19:38,201 --> 00:19:40,453 But you promised all your listeners. 355 00:19:40,537 --> 00:19:43,708 Oh, what's the difference? Who watches PBS? 356 00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:48,421 I'll tell you who. 357 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,884 Discerning, cultured viewers like yourselves. 358 00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:55,094 Hello, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, 359 00:19:55,636 --> 00:19:58,181 and like yourselves, I care about quality programming 360 00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:01,309 such as foreign films, classical music, opera. 361 00:20:01,393 --> 00:20:04,312 Which is why I intended to sing a rather challenging piece, 362 00:20:04,396 --> 00:20:07,106 an aria from Verdi's Rigoletto. 363 00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:11,821 But who am I to ignore the dozens of phone calls 364 00:20:11,905 --> 00:20:14,031 that have come in requesting my signature piece, 365 00:20:14,115 --> 00:20:18,327 a rather charming little ditty that I first sang three years ago 366 00:20:18,411 --> 00:20:20,163 on Classic Western Movie Week. 367 00:20:21,831 --> 00:20:27,379 So without further ado, I give you "Buttons and Bows" from Paleface. 368 00:20:28,631 --> 00:20:29,548 Maestro, please. 369 00:20:29,632 --> 00:20:31,967 [PLAYING INTRO] 370 00:20:32,051 --> 00:20:34,761 ♪ East is east and west is west ♪ 371 00:20:34,845 --> 00:20:37,598 ♪ And the wrong one I have chose ♪ 372 00:20:37,682 --> 00:20:42,687 ♪ Let's go where you'll keep on wearing those da-da-dahs and boppa-dohs ♪ 373 00:20:42,771 --> 00:20:46,733 ♪ And things and buttons and buttons and bows ♪ 374 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,906 ♪ Don't bury me in something "P" or something la, la, la ♪ 375 00:20:52,573 --> 00:20:55,075 ♪ Let's all go to a taco show ♪ 376 00:20:55,159 --> 00:20:58,579 ♪ And such an impressive blow my nose ♪ 377 00:20:58,663 --> 00:21:01,582 ♪ You look great in buttons and bows ♪ 378 00:21:01,666 --> 00:21:05,670 ♪ I love you in buckskin, la-da-da, da-da, da-da ♪ 379 00:21:05,754 --> 00:21:10,008 [SINGING GIBBERISH] 380 00:21:11,051 --> 00:21:12,760 Everybody! 381 00:21:12,844 --> 00:21:15,513 ♪ My bones denounce the fearful trouts ♪ 382 00:21:15,597 --> 00:21:18,434 ♪ And la-la, la-la, mole that grows ♪ 383 00:21:18,518 --> 00:21:21,186 ♪ Bada souse a pom capoose ♪ 384 00:21:21,270 --> 00:21:23,647 ♪ And penta hoss and pantyhose ♪ 385 00:21:23,731 --> 00:21:29,320 ♪ You'll look bubbity buttons and bows ♪ 386 00:21:30,614 --> 00:21:32,198 [FRASIER SINGING ON TV] 387 00:21:32,282 --> 00:21:34,284 [BOTH LAUGHING] 388 00:21:38,247 --> 00:21:42,209 I'll bet this is one leap year Dr. Crane won't be sorry to see the back of. 389 00:21:44,087 --> 00:21:47,048 -Rewind it so we can watch it again. -No, no, no. 390 00:21:47,924 --> 00:21:51,524 Not yet. Let it finish first. This is the verse where he really loses it. 391 00:21:52,595 --> 00:21:55,139 ♪ Bippity, boppity, hippity, do ♪ 392 00:21:55,223 --> 00:21:58,811 ♪ Something and something and buttons and bows ♪ 393 00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:03,232 Okay, now you can rewind it. 394 00:22:05,776 --> 00:22:06,736 Eddie! 395 00:22:13,285 --> 00:22:14,285 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 396 00:22:14,369 --> 00:22:17,090 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 397 00:22:17,174 --> 00:22:19,541 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 398 00:22:20,125 --> 00:22:21,334 Oh, my. 399 00:22:21,418 --> 00:22:23,711 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 400 00:22:23,795 --> 00:22:26,423 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 401 00:22:26,507 --> 00:22:28,634 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 402 00:22:28,718 --> 00:22:30,177 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 403 00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:33,890 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 404 00:22:34,557 --> 00:22:36,767 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 405 00:22:36,851 --> 00:22:39,897 Frasier has left the building.