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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:09,646 --> 00:00:15,277
Well, it's 2:07 here on The
Dr. Frasier Crane Show.
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00:00:16,194 --> 00:00:18,153
As I said, I'm Roz Doyle,
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Frasier's producer, filling in for
the temporarily detained Dr. Crane.
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It's cloudy and 62 degrees
outside, coming up on 2:08
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right there.
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Well, let's take a call.
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Hello, Lydia.
What seems to be the problem?
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I already told you.
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But that was when I was the call screener.
Now I'm the host.
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So tell me your problem
and take your time.
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Well, it started about two weeks ago.
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I got this terrible obscene phone call.
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It's happened several times since then
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and now it's to the point where
I'm afraid to answer my own phone.
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Well, obscene phone calls
can be very disturbing but luckily
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Dr. Frasier Crane has just arrived
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and I'm sure he knows exactly
what soothing things to say.
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[PANTING]
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[LYDIA SCREAMS]
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Maybe now would be a good time to take
a break. We'll be right back after this.
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-What the hell was that all about?
-Oh, never mind that. Where were you?
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Oh, God, somebody had
parked in my space again.
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I had to park six blocks from
here and sprint all the way.
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By the end my tweed pants
were throwing off so many sparks,
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I almost caught myself on fire!
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Tell you what, the minute we go to
news break, I'm gonna rush down there
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and put this withering
note on his windshield.
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"Dear Discourteous Driver…"
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Whoa.
I think you've said enough right there.
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Come on, Frasier, this
isn't going to do any good.
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You want to make an
impression on him, get tough.
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You go right down there
and let the air out of his tires.
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-Oh, I wouldn't do something like that.
-Why?
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It's just inconveniencing him
like he inconvenienced you.
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Roz, listen, the world has become
uncivilized enough without me
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stooping to that level.
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Of course, I was sorely
tempted last night.
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I went to the movies to see
How Green Was My Valley.
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Lady Luck seated me in front of two
elderly women who said with the arrival
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of each new actor, "My God, doesn't
he look young? He's dead, you know."
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Finally I had to just walk out.
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Okay, you're on in five seconds.
And Brenda is on line one.
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Uh-huh.
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Hello, Seattle, we're back and I
would like to start by apologizing
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for being tardy.
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Nothing quite so inconsiderate
as making someone wait.
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Now, without further
ado, let's get to Brenda.
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Hello, Brenda.
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Hi, Dr. Crane.
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I'm having a problem with my sister.
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-She's always…
-[BEEPS]
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Oh, wait a second. That's my other line.
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Something tells me I'm going
to be siding with Brenda's sister.
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You're welcome.
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Excuse me, I was wondering
if you could direct me to
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-[PHONE RINGS]
-Friendly Video.
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Yeah, yeah, I think we've got that one.
Hang on a second. I'll check.
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Oh, don't you hate that?
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You come all the way down here
yourself to the store, you wait patiently
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and then somebody who calls in
from home gets preferential treatment.
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I can help the next person in line.
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Hey, do we have The Invisible Man?
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Right here!
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Thanks. Yeah, we've got it.
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Excuse me.
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I was looking for…
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[PHONE RINGS]
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Don't even think about it!
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I'm looking for How Green Was My Valley.
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Huh?
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It is a beautifully acted depiction
of life in a small town in Wales.
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It won five Academy Awards.
It's a classic.
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Oh, well, this is a shot in the dark
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but you might try looking
in the "Classics" section.
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You're taking How Green Was My Valley?
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-I heard it was great.
-But you heard it from me.
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You were standing next to me in the line.
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-Excuse me, is there another copy?
-Oh, yeah.
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That'd be across the street in our
How Green Was My Valley annex.
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-[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
-[LAUGHING]
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Hey, Daphne, come on, you're just in time.
It's starting.
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I don't get this show.
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People send in videos of themselves
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having the most embarrassing
and painful accidents.
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They have cartoon noises and music
and everyone laughs themselves silly.
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-[BOINGING NOISE]
-Boy, I bet that hurt!
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Well, what's wrong with you?
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Frankly, I have had it with the
whole boorish, ill-mannered world.
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Dad, would you mind terribly
if I used the TV tonight?
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I went to three video stores to
get this tape. I'm just dying to see it.
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Oh, sure, go ahead.
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How many times can you watch
a dog get hit with a swinging door?
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Depends upon the dog.
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[ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKERS]
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What the hell is that?
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The windows are rattling, the walls
are shaking and I am talking to no one!
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-Well, I see our neighbor's at it again.
-Not for long!
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I'm gonna take a nap.
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Dad, you can't possibly
expect to sleep in this racket.
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Are you kidding?
I slept through worse than this.
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In Korea I dropped off in a
foxhole right outside Panmunjam.
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By the time I woke up,
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the ceasefire was over and I was
the only one who didn't know about it.
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Talk about having egg on your face.
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Would you please connect
me with the young man
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who just moved into
the penthouse upstairs?
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No, I don't know his name.
He's in the penthouse!
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He has shaggy hair, he has tattoos
all over him. His body is pierced.
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Oh, and I don't know if I mentioned
this but he's in the penthouse!
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[MUSIC STOPS]
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Never mind.
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Has the world completely lost
the concept of common courtesy?
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Am I the only one who
is resisting this tide?
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People of Seattle, listen to me!
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We are not barbarians!
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We are not Neanderthals!
And we are not French!
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Do you hear that, you up there?
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That's his own music
he's listening to, you know.
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His name is Freddie Chainsaw.
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Chainsaw?
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Of the Newport Chainsaws?
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How does an arrested adolescent who
barely knows two chords get a penthouse?
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His last album sold five million copies.
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Oh, well, then, I'll just add
that to my list of reasons to die.
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You know, personally, I like it.
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But then we Brits have always
been on the cutting edge.
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You should've heard the punk rockers who
rented the flat below me a few years back.
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They'd play the same
song over and over again.
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♪ Flesh is burning ♪
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[VOCALIZING]
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♪ Flesh is burning ♪
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[VOCALIZING]
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Oh, no, I'm gonna have that
tune in me head all day now.
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Well, thank you for that, Daphne, but I've
been waiting all day to watch my movie.
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[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
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[ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKERS]
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Doesn't he ever stop for sex and drugs?
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Hello?
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Yes, please, I insist on being connected
to the young man in the penthouse!
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[MUSIC STOPS]
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Yes, hello, Mr. Chainsaw.
143
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Yes, how do you do? I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
144
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I am your neighbor.
I live right below you.
145
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Yes, do you have any
idea how loud your music is?
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Oh, you do?
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Well, uh, thank you.
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Wasn't so bad.
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Young man seemed quite amiable in his way.
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[ROCK MUSIC RESUMES]
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I'm going out!
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What?
153
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-I am going out!
-What?
154
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I am going out!
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MARTIN: Hey, Frasier, will you keep it
down out there? I'm trying to take a nap.
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
157
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Smell me, Niles.
158
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-Grandpa!
-Exactly.
159
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I was on my way down
in the elevator today.
160
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This woman thinks nothing of lighting
up a cigarette. Has the world gone mad?
161
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Oh, I know exactly how you feel.
162
00:09:25,321 --> 00:09:27,656
This morning I discovered
a ding in the door of my car.
163
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Oh, let me guess.
164
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No note on the windshield?
165
00:09:30,617 --> 00:09:33,995
No, and even worse, after I'd
left the car off at the body shop,
166
00:09:34,079 --> 00:09:36,622
the rental agency didn't
have a single luxury car left.
167
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They stuck me with some vehicle
I believe they call a hunchback.
168
00:09:41,126 --> 00:09:43,629
No, I think that would
be a hatchback, Niles.
169
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It's painted panic-button red, has
a large rear window that pops open.
170
00:09:48,092 --> 00:09:50,468
-Oh, that would be the hatchback.
-Oh.
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Well, here's a novel idea, name
the car after its most hideous feature.
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I presume it was a
toss-up between hatchback
173
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and "What's that odor
coming from the floor?"
174
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:07,984
Oh, look, Niles, free table!
175
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:11,154
-Go! Go! Go!
-All right. Oh, the biscotti.
176
00:10:11,238 --> 00:10:13,824
-Leave it.
-Oh, no. Go on without me.
177
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,160
Oh, there!
178
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:20,913
Excuse me. Excuse me.
179
00:10:20,997 --> 00:10:22,206
Oh, you know…
180
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-Oh, damn!
-Oh, check on table one.
181
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:25,542
-Yes.
-Table one.
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00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,627
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
183
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,221
Oh, we're not hovering, believe me.
184
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,655
It's just that there's, well, there's
really no place else to stand.
185
00:10:42,766 --> 00:10:45,166
Oh, just take your time, please.
There's no rush.
186
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,563
Is the owner of a red hatchback here?
187
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:49,797
It's about to be towed.
188
00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:53,382
-Niles, isn't that your car?
-Shh! Someone will hear you.
189
00:10:55,278 --> 00:10:58,113
-Niles, it's about to be towed.
-I am not owning up to that car.
190
00:10:58,197 --> 00:11:00,847
I don't care if it's careening
toward a baby carriage.
191
00:11:02,577 --> 00:11:04,927
Thank you so much.
Take care. Have a lovely day.
192
00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:10,667
Excuse me but we
were waiting for this table.
193
00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:12,419
So, get another one.
194
00:11:14,171 --> 00:11:15,420
Well, there aren't any.
195
00:11:15,504 --> 00:11:17,214
You knew that we were waiting for it.
196
00:11:17,298 --> 00:11:19,049
We politely stood back
to let those people leave
197
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:23,283
-and then you just jumped right in here.
-Well, you won't make that mistake again.
198
00:11:24,513 --> 00:11:25,764
Frasier, Frasier, forget it.
199
00:11:25,848 --> 00:11:28,398
-We'll just wait for another table.
-No, we won't!
200
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:30,518
This isn't about the table anymore.
201
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,652
It's about the erosion of common decency.
202
00:11:33,688 --> 00:11:35,314
Sir, when you treat me this way,
203
00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:38,942
you encourage me to be discourteous
to another and so on and so on.
204
00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:42,861
You don't have any manners, do you?
205
00:11:45,532 --> 00:11:49,244
Then perhaps what you
need is an etiquette lesson!
206
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:57,835
Sit down, Niles.
207
00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:02,255
My brother will have a decaf.
208
00:12:10,722 --> 00:12:12,474
♪ Flesh is burning ♪
209
00:12:13,682 --> 00:12:15,226
♪ Flesh is burning ♪
210
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,147
♪ Flesh is burning ♪
211
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,025
♪ Flesh is burning ♪
212
00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:25,568
Oh, hi, Fras.
213
00:12:25,652 --> 00:12:27,153
-How you feeling?
-Fine.
214
00:12:28,071 --> 00:12:30,771
You know, I didn't ask you
yesterday how your day went.
215
00:12:31,699 --> 00:12:32,992
What did Niles tell you?
216
00:12:33,076 --> 00:12:35,494
Nothing.
Jeez, can't I ask you how your day went?
217
00:12:35,578 --> 00:12:36,662
How was work?
218
00:12:37,413 --> 00:12:39,123
How's your badass self?
219
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:43,752
Damn it, Niles blabbed.
220
00:12:43,836 --> 00:12:45,295
No, he didn't.
221
00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:49,229
You made the "People of Seattle" column.
Right here, under "The Crane Mutiny."
222
00:12:51,676 --> 00:12:53,677
"Three cheers for Dr. Frasier Crane,
223
00:12:53,761 --> 00:12:57,723
who struck a blow against rudeness
yesterday in a coffee house melee."
224
00:12:57,807 --> 00:12:59,974
Oh, perfect.
225
00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:02,352
Now all of Seattle knows
about my loutish behavior.
226
00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:04,645
What are you talking about?
This guy had it coming.
227
00:13:04,729 --> 00:13:06,230
-I can just picture it.
-[DOORBELL CHIMES]
228
00:13:06,314 --> 00:13:09,025
He probably looked at you and he
thought, "This guy's a cream puff,
229
00:13:09,109 --> 00:13:14,404
-you know, a wuss, a wimp, a cupcake."
-Dad!
230
00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,657
I'm sorry. I'm just so proud of you.
231
00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:20,911
Ah! There he is.
232
00:13:20,995 --> 00:13:24,372
The man who floats like a lepidoptera
and stings like a hymenoptera.
233
00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,378
Niles, I think you're just jealous.
234
00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:32,338
Jealous? Don't be ridiculous.
235
00:13:32,422 --> 00:13:33,923
This is my favorite part.
236
00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:37,717
"With one swift move, the good doctor
hoisted the miscreant out on his ear,
237
00:13:37,801 --> 00:13:40,846
declaring, 'What you
need is an etiquette lesson!' "
238
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:44,266
I love that.
You got your own tough-guy catch phrase.
239
00:13:44,766 --> 00:13:47,716
It's perfect for you, Frasier.
Dirty Harry meets Emily Post.
240
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,773
Come on. Show me how you grabbed him.
Use Niles.
241
00:13:52,857 --> 00:13:53,900
No, no, Dad.
242
00:13:54,525 --> 00:13:56,819
I will not toss Niles about the room.
243
00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:00,614
Oh, no, go ahead.
Rough me up, Mr. Big Hero Bully Bouncer.
244
00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:05,743
-Did that sound jealous?
-A tad.
245
00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:08,037
Well, all right, I'm jealous.
Why shouldn't I be?
246
00:14:08,121 --> 00:14:09,622
All my life I've backed out of fights
247
00:14:09,706 --> 00:14:11,906
and watching you leap
into the fray like that
248
00:14:12,958 --> 00:14:15,836
made me think just once I'd
like to experience what you felt.
249
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,129
Go nose to nose.
250
00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:19,363
-Oh, your day'll come, son.
-I don't know.
251
00:14:19,965 --> 00:14:22,592
I tried it this morning with
my dry cleaner, Mr. Kim.
252
00:14:28,932 --> 00:14:31,725
I decided to give him a good
tongue lashing because he'd shattered
253
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:34,209
the mother of pearl buttons
on my best waistcoat.
254
00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:37,647
Unfortunately, due to his tenuous
grasp of English and the fact
255
00:14:37,731 --> 00:14:39,274
that his mother's name is Pearl,
256
00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:42,758
I was forced to flee his establishment
amid a shower of coat hangers.
257
00:14:45,905 --> 00:14:47,281
Good morning, Dr. Crane.
258
00:14:47,365 --> 00:14:51,285
And to you, Dr. Crane, our
very own knight in shining armor.
259
00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:52,578
Oh, great.
260
00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:55,372
I want you to know that your
assertiveness inspired me.
261
00:14:55,456 --> 00:14:59,417
For weeks now some louse has been
removing my wet clothes from the washer
262
00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:01,836
and leaving them on
the table in a soggy mess.
263
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,547
This morning I decided to get my revenge,
264
00:15:04,631 --> 00:15:09,176
so I took off my new red panties
and I popped them in with his whites.
265
00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:10,635
Bravo, Daphne.
266
00:15:10,719 --> 00:15:12,805
Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there.
267
00:15:15,766 --> 00:15:18,226
Daphne, don't you think you
were overreacting just a bit?
268
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,311
Absolutely not.
269
00:15:19,395 --> 00:15:22,105
Those were my panties and
I wasn't afraid to use them.
270
00:15:23,731 --> 00:15:25,900
Fras, why do you keep
backing away from this?
271
00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:27,651
You should be proud of yourself.
272
00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:30,279
We all think you did the right
thing and the newspaper does too.
273
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,698
Well, that's right. And I'm going
to fix you a proper hero's breakfast.
274
00:15:33,782 --> 00:15:36,576
No, no, no, Daphne, please,
really, it's not necessary.
275
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:40,330
Thank you all. It's just that
this isn't sitting well with me.
276
00:15:40,414 --> 00:15:43,374
I find it hard to believe any
good can come of violence.
277
00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:45,459
[ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKERS]
278
00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:48,796
Again!
279
00:15:53,926 --> 00:15:57,345
Mr. Chainsaw, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.
280
00:15:58,555 --> 00:16:00,098
[MUSIC STOPS]
281
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:11,150
Go ahead, Daphne, make my eggs.
282
00:16:16,155 --> 00:16:18,157
[ALL CHATTERING]
283
00:16:25,496 --> 00:16:27,706
I do wish people would
stop making such a fuss.
284
00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:30,293
They will if you quit
walking up and down the hall.
285
00:16:33,462 --> 00:16:35,631
-You're on in five seconds.
-Oh, yes.
286
00:16:41,637 --> 00:16:43,512
Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.
287
00:16:44,221 --> 00:16:45,472
Who's on the line, Roz?
288
00:16:45,556 --> 00:16:49,143
We have Mitch on line three.
He's having trouble with his neighbors.
289
00:16:50,311 --> 00:16:52,813
-Hello, Mitch.
-Make that had trouble.
290
00:16:52,897 --> 00:16:57,024
This idiot next door had his
leaf blower going at 7 a.m. again.
291
00:16:57,108 --> 00:16:59,193
-Oh, that's very inconsiderate.
-Yeah, I'll say.
292
00:16:59,277 --> 00:17:02,238
That's why I decided to
give him an "etiquette lesson."
293
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:05,408
I grabbed that leaf blower
and smashed it against a tree.
294
00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:10,704
Mitch, I must say I'm stunned.
295
00:17:11,413 --> 00:17:15,876
I can't imagine a more extreme
response to such a minor infraction.
296
00:17:16,543 --> 00:17:18,294
MAN 1: So I snuck into his backyard
297
00:17:18,378 --> 00:17:21,338
and shoved a whole pound of
rotten shrimp into his air conditioner.
298
00:17:21,422 --> 00:17:22,757
Come on, summer!
299
00:17:23,966 --> 00:17:25,009
MAN 2: Hey, he asked for it.
300
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:28,513
So I put 100 scorpions in a FedEx package.
301
00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:33,683
Look, I'm sorry, but no matter
how provoked you may have been,
302
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:38,688
there is no earthly justification
for setting someone's lawn on fire!
303
00:17:38,772 --> 00:17:41,066
WOMAN: But she doesn't curb her dog!
304
00:17:43,526 --> 00:17:46,153
You don't take any guff. Why should I?
305
00:17:46,821 --> 00:17:49,615
Rochelle, all of you, look,
306
00:17:49,699 --> 00:17:53,409
don't you realize that your
behavior is just a bit extreme?
307
00:17:53,493 --> 00:17:56,621
I displayed a minor bit of force
in order to just make a point.
308
00:17:56,705 --> 00:18:01,167
But I didn't go around smashing
windows and torching lawns.
309
00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:02,710
God, where does it end?
310
00:18:02,794 --> 00:18:04,628
ROCHELLE: Are you saying
that what I did was wrong?
311
00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:05,837
Of course I am!
312
00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:09,466
-But what you did was okay?
-No, no. I…
313
00:18:10,634 --> 00:18:13,679
Come to think of it, what
I did was just as wrong.
314
00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:18,599
I mean, who am I to draw the
line at the acceptable level of force?
315
00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:20,726
Because the next person
moves a little farther
316
00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:23,145
and the next person a little
farther still until we finally end up
317
00:18:23,229 --> 00:18:26,983
with scorpions flying through the
mail like Christmas Bundt cakes!
318
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,111
What we must all agree to
do is to resolve our differences
319
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:35,115
with discussion and reason.
320
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:39,743
As a matter of fact, I'm going to
call the gentleman that I manhandled
321
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,914
and apologize to him for not
having worked out our dispute in…
322
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:47,251
In the right way in the
first place, through words.
323
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,421
The key here is restraint.
324
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:55,425
And I do hope you'll follow my
lead, Becky, with the nail gun.
325
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,309
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
326
00:19:06,393 --> 00:19:09,396
Oh, people, people, please.
There's no need for that.
327
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,814
I am no hero.
328
00:19:13,776 --> 00:19:15,526
No one's ever given me the thumbs-up.
329
00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:17,569
Niles, I've driven on
the freeway with you.
330
00:19:17,653 --> 00:19:20,031
The rest of the hand has
been well represented.
331
00:19:21,866 --> 00:19:22,908
Oh, look, there he is!
332
00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:25,495
Mr. Harvey, I'm so glad you could come.
333
00:19:26,287 --> 00:19:29,664
You remember my brother
Niles and, uh, we're at "our" table.
334
00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:32,917
Look, I'm here, so say
what's on your mind.
335
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:36,254
Well, there's no need for any hostility.
I just came to talk.
336
00:19:36,338 --> 00:19:37,214
Talk?
337
00:19:38,006 --> 00:19:40,507
-You're not gonna take another shot at me?
-No.
338
00:19:40,591 --> 00:19:43,844
-Yeah, yeah…
-There'll be nothing like that here today.
339
00:19:43,928 --> 00:19:45,804
I could try to explain
my behavior by saying
340
00:19:45,888 --> 00:19:48,140
that these are stressful times we live in
341
00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:50,558
and that I had reached the end
of my tether but I won't do that
342
00:19:50,642 --> 00:19:52,393
because, you see, I was 100 percent wrong.
343
00:19:52,477 --> 00:19:56,027
I had absolutely no right to touch
you and I accept full responsibility.
344
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:58,774
-I'm glad to hear you say that.
-Well…
345
00:19:58,858 --> 00:20:00,776
And I hope you all heard that too.
346
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:03,695
-So then you accept my apology?
-No, I'm suing you.
347
00:20:03,779 --> 00:20:06,990
And I got a lot of witnesses that
just heard you admit you were wrong.
348
00:20:07,074 --> 00:20:09,367
Yes, but, but these are
stressful times we live in.
349
00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:11,119
I'd reached the end of my tether.
350
00:20:11,203 --> 00:20:12,287
Tough!
351
00:20:12,371 --> 00:20:14,330
I'm nailing you for assault.
352
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,540
But I hardly touched you!
353
00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:19,334
Oh, Frasier, you're not surprised
he's hiding behind lawyers.
354
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:22,088
What other behavior would
you expect from a chicken?
355
00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:26,716
What did you say?
356
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:31,971
I was speaking to my brother. But to
put it in language you can understand.
357
00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:33,515
-[CLUCKING]
-Niles!
358
00:20:35,392 --> 00:20:37,768
This is no time for
you to assert yourself.
359
00:20:37,852 --> 00:20:39,895
Hey, your brother's making trouble here.
360
00:20:40,396 --> 00:20:43,746
What are you gonna do? Flatten
me with one of your big fluffy wings?
361
00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:46,401
Niles, stop it! Please excuse him.
362
00:20:46,485 --> 00:20:48,903
For God sake, Frasier, don't
waste your breath on this hairy,
363
00:20:48,987 --> 00:20:51,280
knuckle-dragging,
mouth-breathing troglodyte
364
00:20:51,364 --> 00:20:54,909
who's probably the only male in
existence who suffers from penis envy.
365
00:20:58,913 --> 00:21:00,164
You look here, buddy.
366
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:06,044
Niles!
367
00:21:08,714 --> 00:21:10,090
Niles, are you all right?
368
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,052
Counter suit.
369
00:21:16,137 --> 00:21:17,179
Oh, my God!
370
00:21:18,014 --> 00:21:19,681
Nobody move him!
371
00:21:19,765 --> 00:21:22,476
-I barely touched him!
-Then you admit you touched him!
372
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,644
-He admits it!
-[NILES GROANING]
373
00:21:24,728 --> 00:21:27,313
Oh, Niles, Niles, I'm here for you.
374
00:21:27,397 --> 00:21:31,568
I promise we're gonna get you the
best care that this man's money can buy!
375
00:21:33,028 --> 00:21:36,071
My God, Niles, that was brilliant.
You've even got a tear in your eye.
376
00:21:36,155 --> 00:21:37,281
I landed on a fork.
377
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,372
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
378
00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:49,138
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪
379
00:21:49,222 --> 00:21:51,627
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
380
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:52,837
Mercy.
381
00:21:53,296 --> 00:21:55,694
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
382
00:21:55,778 --> 00:21:58,175
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
383
00:21:58,259 --> 00:22:00,385
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
384
00:22:00,469 --> 00:22:02,095
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
385
00:22:02,179 --> 00:22:05,223
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
386
00:22:07,476 --> 00:22:09,311
♪ They're calling again ♪
387
00:22:10,103 --> 00:22:12,646
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
388
00:22:12,730 --> 00:22:14,315
What is a boy to do?
389
00:22:16,901 --> 00:22:18,027
Good night!