1 00:00:04,565 --> 00:00:06,191 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:08,986 --> 00:00:09,903 [DOORBELL RINGS] 3 00:00:09,987 --> 00:00:11,029 Coming. 4 00:00:12,115 --> 00:00:13,408 Oh, Dr. Crane. 5 00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:16,452 My God, after all our years together 6 00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:21,499 all the good times, all the bad times you can't loan me a meager $4,000? 7 00:00:23,543 --> 00:00:26,943 You must appreciate how hard it is for me to approach you about this. 8 00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:29,830 I thought I meant more to you but, apparently, I don't. 9 00:00:30,842 --> 00:00:32,942 And they call themselves the friendly bank. 10 00:00:35,681 --> 00:00:37,516 What do you need to borrow money for? 11 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,060 I saw the most exquisite Biedermeier footstool. 12 00:00:40,644 --> 00:00:42,521 For 4,000 bucks? 13 00:00:42,605 --> 00:00:45,273 Your mother and I didn't pay that much for our first house. 14 00:00:45,357 --> 00:00:46,859 I know, Dad. I lived there. 15 00:00:49,069 --> 00:00:51,988 You don't have Maris' money to throw around anymore. 16 00:00:52,072 --> 00:00:53,865 You'll have to start cutting back a little. 17 00:00:53,949 --> 00:00:55,201 I have cut back. 18 00:00:55,285 --> 00:00:57,578 I told my masseur I could only see him once a week. 19 00:00:57,662 --> 00:01:00,957 I remember that scene in Grapes of Wrath when Ma Joad did that. 20 00:01:02,334 --> 00:01:04,210 You know, if you need to save a bit, 21 00:01:04,294 --> 00:01:06,963 you should do what I do and cut out coupons. 22 00:01:07,505 --> 00:01:08,632 Coupons… 23 00:01:09,215 --> 00:01:11,133 What a wonderful way to economize. 24 00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:14,217 Well, I could clip them and give them to my personal shopper. 25 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,891 -Oh, Niles, good morning. -NILES: Hey. 26 00:01:17,975 --> 00:01:20,185 Daphne, has Bebe Glazer called back yet? 27 00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:21,103 Afraid not. 28 00:01:21,187 --> 00:01:23,814 You're still consorting with that barracuda? 29 00:01:24,398 --> 00:01:27,048 Well, a barracuda is what you want in an agent, Niles. 30 00:01:27,902 --> 00:01:29,820 It's just that, uh, the station's been sold. 31 00:01:29,904 --> 00:01:31,613 She might have scuttlebutt on the new owner. 32 00:01:31,697 --> 00:01:32,531 [DOORBELL RINGS] 33 00:01:32,615 --> 00:01:35,242 I must admit, she's rather hard to get a hold of these days. 34 00:01:35,326 --> 00:01:36,159 NILES: Really? 35 00:01:36,243 --> 00:01:38,287 I thought one just drew a pentagram on the floor 36 00:01:38,371 --> 00:01:40,471 and chanted, "I summon thee," three times. 37 00:01:43,835 --> 00:01:45,336 -Hello, Roz. -Hey. 38 00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,088 -Hey, Roz. -Have a cup of coffee. 39 00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:48,506 What have you got on the new owner? 40 00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:51,968 Plenty. His name is Wilfred S. Boone but he likes to be called "Big Willy." 41 00:01:52,052 --> 00:01:54,971 Well, there's a little snapshot of his psyche right there. 42 00:01:55,055 --> 00:01:56,056 Yeah. 43 00:01:56,682 --> 00:01:59,142 He's an 85-year-old Texan. 44 00:01:59,226 --> 00:02:00,768 Practically no formal education 45 00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:03,147 but he went from errand boy at a radio station 46 00:02:03,231 --> 00:02:06,025 to owning his own media empire worth 600 million. 47 00:02:06,859 --> 00:02:07,776 This is great. 48 00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:11,360 I don't even know what Renuzit is but it's 20 cents off, and I want it. 49 00:02:13,574 --> 00:02:14,825 You're clipping coupons? 50 00:02:14,909 --> 00:02:15,909 I'm economizing. 51 00:02:15,993 --> 00:02:19,246 Oh, well, it's about time. You spend money like a drunken sailor. 52 00:02:19,330 --> 00:02:20,707 She said authoritatively. 53 00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:25,545 -May we get back to the subject at hand? -Why are you so antsy? 54 00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:27,172 Dad, Wilfred S. Boone… 55 00:02:27,256 --> 00:02:28,215 "Big Willy." 56 00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:31,457 Please, Roz. I just can't say that yet, all right? 57 00:02:32,136 --> 00:02:35,263 He owns 30 radio stations across the country. 58 00:02:35,347 --> 00:02:38,266 If he likes you, he's been known to syndicate your show nationwide. 59 00:02:38,350 --> 00:02:40,602 So, I'm trying to find out 60 00:02:40,686 --> 00:02:42,979 if we have anything in common, an angle, if you will. 61 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,439 So, what are his interests? 62 00:02:44,523 --> 00:02:46,984 It's all in there he likes whittling, rodeos, 63 00:02:47,068 --> 00:02:48,527 the novels of Zane Grey. 64 00:02:48,611 --> 00:02:51,114 Jeez, Fras, like you two were separated at birth. 65 00:02:53,992 --> 00:02:56,410 He also owns a 5,000-acre cattle ranch 66 00:02:56,494 --> 00:02:59,121 and the world's largest collection of antique six-shooters. 67 00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:02,041 Oh, dear God, I'm sucking up to Yosemite Sam. 68 00:03:07,464 --> 00:03:09,549 I think if we wanna impress Big Willy, 69 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:12,427 we should think of some Western theme for the show today. 70 00:03:12,511 --> 00:03:14,721 Great idea. Why not start with a segment 71 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:17,205 on how to get in touch with your inner young 'un? 72 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,309 GIL: What a fascinating theory… 73 00:03:19,393 --> 00:03:21,103 -What's going on? -This is great. 74 00:03:21,729 --> 00:03:24,229 I told Gil the new station owner is a Greek tycoon. 75 00:03:25,149 --> 00:03:26,024 He fell for that? 76 00:03:26,108 --> 00:03:27,693 Hook, Line and Souvlaki. 77 00:03:27,777 --> 00:03:28,611 GIL: And so… 78 00:03:29,988 --> 00:03:33,950 You can keep your overripe Camembert and malodorous Stilton. 79 00:03:34,034 --> 00:03:35,284 They can't compare 80 00:03:35,368 --> 00:03:39,289 with the salty insouciance of Greece's glorious Feta. 81 00:03:41,166 --> 00:03:43,335 It's not just for shepherds anymore. 82 00:03:45,754 --> 00:03:48,673 This is Gil Chesterton saying, "bon appétit." 83 00:03:48,757 --> 00:03:51,886 Or as we say in Athens, "kali orexi." 84 00:03:53,304 --> 00:03:56,557 Oh, Gil, you've been had. The new owner isn't Greek. 85 00:03:56,641 --> 00:03:57,641 He's from Texas. 86 00:03:57,725 --> 00:03:59,643 You are so easy! 87 00:03:59,727 --> 00:04:01,061 GIL: Well, I hope you're happy. 88 00:04:01,145 --> 00:04:03,188 I've just given four stars to a restaurant called 89 00:04:03,272 --> 00:04:04,440 "A Taste of Greece." 90 00:04:04,524 --> 00:04:06,400 Which, trust me, is no misnomer. 91 00:04:07,235 --> 00:04:10,485 That's what you deserve trying to suck up to some senile old coot. 92 00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:15,035 Hell, he probably can't eat anything but strained peas and farina. 93 00:04:15,744 --> 00:04:16,745 Mr. Boone? 94 00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:18,079 That's right. 95 00:04:18,163 --> 00:04:19,956 Pleasure to see you. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. 96 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,490 -This is Roz Doyle, Gil Chesterton and… -I'm Skippy the lunch boy. 97 00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:27,214 So, that's two strained peas and a farina for the big guy. 98 00:04:27,881 --> 00:04:29,841 Skippy, change my order. 99 00:04:29,925 --> 00:04:33,554 I've got a sudden hankering for baby back ribs and corn bread. 100 00:04:35,055 --> 00:04:37,455 WILLY: Oh, I've been looking for you, Dr. Crane. 101 00:04:37,934 --> 00:04:38,976 I have a little problem. 102 00:04:39,060 --> 00:04:41,896 They told me you're just the fella who could fix it. 103 00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:45,024 -I hope I'm not imposing. -Oh, no, don't be silly, Mr. Boone. 104 00:04:45,108 --> 00:04:47,193 Actually, I prefer "Big Willy." 105 00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:48,577 Don't be silly, Big Willy. 106 00:04:51,698 --> 00:04:54,366 You see, I'm engaged to be married. 107 00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:55,743 Oh, congratulations. 108 00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:59,998 Sweet, young thing, just nuts about me. Problem is, she smokes. 109 00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:02,584 Oh, Lord, that is a very bad habit. 110 00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:04,169 Oh, it's a vile habit. 111 00:05:04,253 --> 00:05:08,299 Would have destroyed my affection for her if she didn't possess certain… 112 00:05:08,966 --> 00:05:10,467 Compensating gifts. 113 00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:15,639 Anyway, as a favor to me, could you help her? 114 00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:18,600 Well, I'll certainly try. 115 00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:23,314 Just keep in mind, though, addiction is fraught with many complex issues. 116 00:05:23,398 --> 00:05:25,691 Length of habit, motivation… 117 00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:29,195 Forgive me. Sometimes, I don't express myself too clearly. 118 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:33,742 When I said, "Could you help her?" What I meant to say was, "Help her." 119 00:05:34,451 --> 00:05:35,576 Consider it done. 120 00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:37,954 Much obliged. She'll be in touch. 121 00:05:38,663 --> 00:05:41,458 That's me, Dr. Frasier Crane, Bimbo Wrangler. 122 00:05:43,044 --> 00:05:43,877 God. 123 00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:46,421 Frasier, stop it, this is a golden opportunity. 124 00:05:46,505 --> 00:05:49,550 You make this little tootsie quit smoking, we're halfway to syndication. 125 00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:51,426 Did someone say syndication, 126 00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:54,680 or do I hear it every time I lay eyes on my favorite client? 127 00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:55,598 Oh, Bebe. 128 00:05:57,308 --> 00:05:58,643 Is something wrong, dear? 129 00:05:59,435 --> 00:06:00,894 We just met Big Willy. 130 00:06:00,978 --> 00:06:02,688 He thinks I'm some sort of a magician. 131 00:06:02,772 --> 00:06:05,233 He wants me to play therapist to his little fiancée, 132 00:06:05,317 --> 00:06:08,027 some gold-digging piranha so devoid of scruples 133 00:06:08,111 --> 00:06:09,904 that she's willing to rob the coffin… 134 00:06:09,988 --> 00:06:11,031 Oh, dear God! 135 00:06:13,367 --> 00:06:14,576 Isn't it wonderful? 136 00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:17,620 We met last month, and it was love at first sight. 137 00:06:17,704 --> 00:06:20,791 First sight of what, his bankbook and a cardiogram? 138 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:22,542 Two minutes. 139 00:06:23,210 --> 00:06:25,461 I'm hurt that she could even joke about such a thing. 140 00:06:25,545 --> 00:06:28,966 I love that dear, sweet, old man with every fiber of my being. 141 00:06:29,050 --> 00:06:30,301 I'm sure, you do. 142 00:06:30,385 --> 00:06:33,512 There won't even be a wedding if you can't get rid of that rotten habit. 143 00:06:33,596 --> 00:06:35,681 He just ordered me to see that you do. 144 00:06:35,765 --> 00:06:38,915 God, you'd think a touch of emphysema were the end of the world? 145 00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:41,521 What's that in your hand, woman? 146 00:06:42,188 --> 00:06:44,857 Sorry, puddin'. Bebe slipped. 147 00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:50,447 Just that all-important last puff. 148 00:06:50,531 --> 00:06:52,282 Well, see that it is. 149 00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:55,827 Dr. Crane, I'm heading out of town for three days. 150 00:06:55,911 --> 00:06:57,120 When I get back on Sunday, 151 00:06:57,204 --> 00:07:00,416 I expect my little gal here to be smoke-free by then. 152 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:03,001 In three days? 153 00:07:03,085 --> 00:07:05,879 Now you do whatever it takes to help her, Doc, 154 00:07:06,505 --> 00:07:09,174 drugs, straitjackets, electroshock. 155 00:07:11,594 --> 00:07:13,430 You see how he dotes on me. 156 00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:20,978 FRASIER: Excellent progress, Bebe. 157 00:07:21,062 --> 00:07:24,982 We have really dived into the emotional void that is the root of your addiction. 158 00:07:25,066 --> 00:07:27,443 Your fear of abandonment, your fear that those you trust 159 00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:29,528 will suddenly turn their backs when you expect them to 160 00:07:29,612 --> 00:07:31,112 -[DOORBELL RINGS] -Excuse me. 161 00:07:33,117 --> 00:07:36,287 My God, it all seems so clear now. 162 00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,206 You're a miracle worker. 163 00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:42,168 If I had a dime for every time, well… 164 00:07:43,502 --> 00:07:45,253 -Niles! -Hello, Frasier. 165 00:07:45,337 --> 00:07:48,924 I noticed you were out of capers the other night so I got you this. 166 00:07:54,221 --> 00:07:55,432 Thank you, Niles, but… 167 00:07:56,725 --> 00:07:57,558 Why so many? 168 00:07:57,642 --> 00:08:00,896 I just discovered a place called Price Busters Warehouse. 169 00:08:03,857 --> 00:08:06,234 You have to buy in bulk but the savings are extraordinary 170 00:08:06,318 --> 00:08:07,652 and they have a huge selection. 171 00:08:07,736 --> 00:08:10,486 I found french fries and French doors in the same aisle. 172 00:08:12,115 --> 00:08:14,033 Well, next time you go back, 173 00:08:14,117 --> 00:08:17,288 be sure to buy me a thousand swordfish so I can use these up. 174 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,072 You laugh, but I could do it like that. 175 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,712 So, how goes the great smoke-out? 176 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,630 Until today, I had no idea 177 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,049 what a brilliant therapist your brother is. 178 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:32,177 He has tunneled his way into the very depths of my psyche. 179 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,221 -Well… -Well 180 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,589 let's hope he sent a canary down first. 181 00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:42,272 Well, I'll be running along. 182 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,275 I'll see you at 10:00 tomorrow. 183 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,652 In the meantime, it's exercise, 184 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:51,156 lots of fresh spring water and nicotine gum for the cravings. 185 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,073 That's my girl. 186 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,325 Bebe, you know, I'm writing a paper on addiction. 187 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:55,869 I'd love to ask you some questions 188 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,403 unless there's some reason you're eager to be off. 189 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,918 Me? No. 190 00:09:03,128 --> 00:09:05,088 No. Not at all. 191 00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,674 I need to discuss a personal matter with Frasier first. 192 00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:11,218 -Of course, I'll give you some privacy. -Oh, thank you. 193 00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:13,138 It's time for my water anyway. 194 00:09:14,889 --> 00:09:16,515 -Yes, Niles? -Let her out that door, 195 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:19,549 she'll smoke half a pack before the elevator hits the lobby. 196 00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:21,812 How can you know that? You hardly spoke to her. 197 00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:24,816 Obviously, you didn't see the crazed, cunning glint in her eyes. 198 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:27,000 She always looks like that, she's an agent. 199 00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:32,866 I know about addiction. 200 00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:36,500 It's the exact same look Maris used to get during the cough syrup years. 201 00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:41,083 The only way to deal with it is to lock her up, 202 00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:44,169 take her money and watch her like a hawk till it's out of her system. 203 00:09:44,253 --> 00:09:46,964 -She would have to stay for the weekend. -Who's staying all weekend? 204 00:09:47,048 --> 00:09:48,675 -Bebe Glazer. -Here? 205 00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:52,386 -What they she have to stay here for? -She's trying to quit smoking. 206 00:09:52,470 --> 00:09:54,639 Great. That means she'll be extra loveable. 207 00:09:55,765 --> 00:09:58,684 Not to worry, Dad. There's no reason she has to stay for the weekend. 208 00:09:58,768 --> 00:10:01,604 Bebe and I made a real breakthrough today. If you don't believe me, 209 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,338 just come on in the kitchen you'll see that I'm right. 210 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:09,571 I'm sorry, I can't stay and help you with the paper Niles, 211 00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,198 wedding preparations and all, 212 00:10:11,282 --> 00:10:15,745 but I'll remember those hints. It's exercise, gum and lots of water. 213 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:25,051 Water should come in handy for putting out those pesky purse fires. 214 00:10:26,839 --> 00:10:28,715 All right, Niles, secure the door! 215 00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:31,094 You are not going anywhere. You're staying for the weekend. 216 00:10:31,178 --> 00:10:32,720 Now, give me that purse! 217 00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:34,222 BEBE: All right. 218 00:10:34,306 --> 00:10:37,600 Just let me remove one very precious memento. 219 00:10:37,684 --> 00:10:39,978 Very well. Oh, stop it! Stop it! 220 00:10:49,863 --> 00:10:51,072 More. 221 00:10:51,156 --> 00:10:52,116 What, again? 222 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,409 That's her third serving. 223 00:10:53,493 --> 00:10:55,578 Now, now, now, it's just flattering to Daphne 224 00:10:55,662 --> 00:10:57,454 that Bebe finds her food so tasty. 225 00:10:57,538 --> 00:10:58,998 I'm orally fixated. 226 00:10:59,082 --> 00:11:02,082 I'd eat a half-stunned wharf rat if you put some gravy on it. 227 00:11:03,753 --> 00:11:06,053 Oh, I'll bear that in mind come breakfast time. 228 00:11:07,090 --> 00:11:09,884 Now, please, please, let's all try to remain supportive of Bebe. 229 00:11:09,968 --> 00:11:11,918 I think she's really doing rather well. 230 00:11:12,595 --> 00:11:15,932 So, I hear your fiancé is well-to-do. 231 00:11:16,016 --> 00:11:18,519 Very. You going to eat that fat? 232 00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:24,900 Marrying money can have its perils. 233 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:28,195 Ten or 15 years down the line after you've adapted to a lifestyle 234 00:11:28,279 --> 00:11:30,405 now totally beyond your means, you can find yourself 235 00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:34,618 cast aside, a hollow husk, penniless and crushed. 236 00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:40,625 Niles, Big Willy's 85. He's on his third pacemaker. 237 00:11:40,709 --> 00:11:42,544 Ah. Mazel tov. 238 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:49,092 Just out of curiosity, this guy ever see you eat? 239 00:11:50,385 --> 00:11:52,470 After dinner is the time I need a cigarette most. 240 00:11:52,554 --> 00:11:54,722 As long as I don't stop eating, I'll be fine. 241 00:11:54,806 --> 00:11:55,640 Very good, Bebe. 242 00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:58,852 You're already identifying those moments that trigger your worst cravings. 243 00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,270 -Yeah, yeah. -No, no, really. 244 00:12:00,354 --> 00:12:02,564 Perhaps it would help to know that you are not alone. 245 00:12:02,648 --> 00:12:03,774 Dad is an ex-smoker. 246 00:12:03,858 --> 00:12:06,693 Dad, can't you tell us about when you crave a cigarette most? 247 00:12:06,777 --> 00:12:07,903 Ah. 248 00:12:07,987 --> 00:12:09,887 -When I have insomnia. -FRASIER: Mm. 249 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,991 I'd get up, pour a water glass full of bourbon, light a cigarette, 250 00:12:13,075 --> 00:12:15,525 next thing you know, I couldn't keep my eyes open. 251 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:18,622 Nothing relaxes you like a cigarette. 252 00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:22,883 Of course, gives you a hell of a headache in the morning. 253 00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:30,426 Well, I smoked for years but I never became addicted. 254 00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:34,847 To this day, I can buy a pack, have a cig or two, toss them in a drawer, 255 00:12:34,931 --> 00:12:37,100 and not crave another for months. 256 00:12:37,184 --> 00:12:39,352 You know, there's a word for people who can do that. 257 00:12:39,436 --> 00:12:41,856 What is it? Oh, yes. Bitch. 258 00:12:47,695 --> 00:12:49,446 There's no need to be insulting 259 00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:52,616 just because you're wrestling with an unhealthy and disgusting habit. 260 00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,451 It isn't disgusting. It's wonderful. 261 00:12:54,535 --> 00:12:59,457 Oh, now, Bebe, tell me, what is so wonderful about smoking? 262 00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:01,459 Everything. 263 00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:06,423 I like the way a fresh, firm pack feels in my hand. 264 00:13:07,508 --> 00:13:09,676 I like peeling away that little piece of cellophane 265 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,510 and seeing it twinkle in the light. 266 00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:18,810 I like coaxing that first sweet cylinder out of its hiding place 267 00:13:18,894 --> 00:13:22,856 and bringing it slowly up to my lips. 268 00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:27,028 Striking a match, watching it burst into a perfect little flame 269 00:13:27,112 --> 00:13:31,657 and knowing that soon that flame will be inside me. 270 00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:34,035 [LAUGHS] I love the first puff. 271 00:13:34,119 --> 00:13:38,498 Pulling it into my lungs, little fingers of smoke filling me. 272 00:13:39,082 --> 00:13:40,666 Caressing me, 273 00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:44,920 feeling that warmth penetrate deeper and deeper 274 00:13:45,004 --> 00:13:48,717 until I think I'm going to burst, then… 275 00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,094 Whoosh. 276 00:13:53,389 --> 00:13:57,435 Watching it flow out of me in a lovely sinuous cloud. 277 00:13:58,644 --> 00:14:01,605 No two ever quite the same. 278 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,404 More potatoes, anyone? 279 00:14:09,488 --> 00:14:10,323 Yes! 280 00:14:11,491 --> 00:14:12,325 Thank you. 281 00:14:53,951 --> 00:14:55,328 You're up early, Miss Moon. 282 00:14:55,412 --> 00:14:57,748 Oh, God, you startled me. 283 00:14:59,124 --> 00:15:01,960 Ever since your little speech about smoking 284 00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:04,444 I haven't been able to think about anything else. 285 00:15:05,297 --> 00:15:08,049 Please don't mention this to Dr. Crane. 286 00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:11,887 Silence has its price, dear, and I think we both know what that is. 287 00:15:12,554 --> 00:15:15,891 Oh, forget it. You can't make me give you one of these. 288 00:15:16,392 --> 00:15:17,560 Oh. 289 00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:18,561 Can't I? 290 00:15:19,562 --> 00:15:21,063 You open up right now! 291 00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:22,690 All right, Missy! Here's the drill. 292 00:15:22,774 --> 00:15:24,733 You drop those cigarettes, I'll open the door. 293 00:15:24,817 --> 00:15:26,527 You kick them over to me. Capisce? 294 00:15:26,611 --> 00:15:27,445 No! 295 00:15:29,739 --> 00:15:32,450 Ooh. Is it cold outside? 296 00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:35,870 All right, you asked for it! 297 00:15:37,205 --> 00:15:38,791 No, no, please, I beg you! 298 00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:43,837 Oh, no, my fingers are getting weak. Oh, I'm losing my grip. 299 00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,422 Stop, please! 300 00:15:45,506 --> 00:15:49,051 I'll give you anything you want, I'll make you a star! 301 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,620 -What the hell is going on out here? -Daphne was smoking. 302 00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:57,560 She made me. 303 00:15:58,519 --> 00:15:59,769 All right, Give me those. 304 00:16:01,523 --> 00:16:04,734 Oh, look at me. I'm all damp and chilled to the bone. 305 00:16:04,818 --> 00:16:07,518 I'll get you a towel. My God, it's 5:30 in the morning. 306 00:16:09,489 --> 00:16:10,323 Dad! 307 00:16:17,622 --> 00:16:18,790 I couldn't sleep. 308 00:16:20,125 --> 00:16:21,575 Have you all lost your minds? 309 00:16:22,712 --> 00:16:25,130 All right, now listen. Get back to bed, every one of you. 310 00:16:25,214 --> 00:16:26,673 All right, all right. 311 00:16:26,757 --> 00:16:28,507 Thank God you came in when you did. 312 00:16:28,968 --> 00:16:32,679 She was preying on my weakness. Who knows what I might have done? 313 00:16:32,763 --> 00:16:35,641 -Probably this. -Get her! Stop that woman! 314 00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:39,228 Bebe, you will not be allowed to smoke a cigarette in this house. 315 00:16:39,312 --> 00:16:41,104 No, no, don't even think about it! 316 00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:44,651 Just give me those right now! That's it! Back to bed! 317 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,113 Oh, my God! You're insane, woman! 318 00:16:49,615 --> 00:16:52,034 That's it! No more houseguests! 319 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,411 Get off me, you brute! 320 00:16:55,495 --> 00:16:56,329 Hand them over! 321 00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:57,288 Never! 322 00:16:57,372 --> 00:16:58,206 [PHONE RINGS] 323 00:16:58,290 --> 00:16:59,875 That'll be the neighbors. 324 00:17:01,418 --> 00:17:03,836 Hello? Oh, hello. 325 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,716 One moment, please. It's Big Willy! 326 00:17:08,468 --> 00:17:09,802 Big Willy! Hello! 327 00:17:09,886 --> 00:17:11,986 No, no, it's not too early. Everybody's up. 328 00:17:13,056 --> 00:17:14,306 Yes, well, you know, 329 00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:17,840 there's been a few minor setbacks but I'm keeping on top of her, yeah. 330 00:17:18,561 --> 00:17:20,811 Oh, yes. I know she'd love to say hi. Hang on. 331 00:17:21,397 --> 00:17:26,360 Hello, puddin'. I'm fine, and you? 332 00:17:26,444 --> 00:17:29,823 Oh, nothing's too much trouble for you, Daddy. 333 00:17:29,907 --> 00:17:30,783 Bye, now. 334 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:33,952 Yes, sir. Yes. Oh, really? 335 00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:36,621 Well, oh, no, I'm very flattered. Yes, if course. I'd love to. 336 00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:38,582 I'll… I'll talk with you this evening. 337 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,918 Bye, bye. Thank you, Daphne. 338 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,421 All right, now, listen up. He thinks I'm very gifted. 339 00:17:44,505 --> 00:17:46,298 He thinks I'm wasting my talents in just one city. 340 00:17:46,382 --> 00:17:48,633 My God, woman, he wants to take me national. Don't you get it? 341 00:17:48,717 --> 00:17:50,635 Unless you ruin it for me! 342 00:17:50,719 --> 00:17:54,765 Oh, my God, I'm sorry, here! 343 00:17:54,849 --> 00:17:55,809 Take them. 344 00:17:57,727 --> 00:17:59,479 I don't know what came over me. 345 00:18:00,355 --> 00:18:02,440 Well, don't be too hard on yourself, Bebe. 346 00:18:02,524 --> 00:18:06,068 After all, addiction to nicotine is a very, very difficult… 347 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:08,697 Hey, wait a minute. This pack is half empty. 348 00:18:10,865 --> 00:18:13,076 For God's sake. I don't care anymore. 349 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,330 You know, I can't help you. Nobody can. You want to ruin it for both of us? 350 00:18:16,414 --> 00:18:18,874 Here. Go ahead. Knock yourself out. 351 00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:22,545 I only wish I could be there when it happens. 352 00:18:23,879 --> 00:18:25,088 When what happens? 353 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:28,092 When you see that newspaper headline, 354 00:18:28,843 --> 00:18:32,722 "Big Willy Boone, millionaire, dead." 355 00:18:34,348 --> 00:18:38,437 Oh, how I wish I could be there when you watch the funeral on the news, 356 00:18:39,604 --> 00:18:41,522 watch the casket being slipped 357 00:18:41,606 --> 00:18:44,109 into the ground, only you won't be watching that. 358 00:18:44,985 --> 00:18:48,196 No, no, you'll be watching the Widow Boone. 359 00:18:48,905 --> 00:18:50,657 Tiffany, perhaps. 360 00:18:50,741 --> 00:18:53,660 -Oh, no, better yet, "Kelli" with an "I." -Stop it! 361 00:18:55,454 --> 00:19:00,709 You'll picture her wearing your jewels, sailing in your yachts, 362 00:19:00,793 --> 00:19:03,420 sleeping with your gigolos, but, oh, you won't be sad. 363 00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,466 No, no, no, because you'll have your cigarette. 364 00:19:07,258 --> 00:19:11,595 Yeah. Clutched in your nicotine-stained teeth, 365 00:19:11,679 --> 00:19:15,683 smoke whirling about your once-pretty, now-creased 366 00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:18,227 -leathery, smoke-ravaged… -Enough! 367 00:19:20,063 --> 00:19:21,064 God! 368 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:25,360 You are one hell of a therapist. 369 00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:41,460 Hey, you're back from the wedding already? 370 00:19:41,544 --> 00:19:42,962 -No. -There was no wedding. 371 00:19:43,505 --> 00:19:46,090 No wedding. No syndication deal. 372 00:19:46,174 --> 00:19:47,258 What's she doing here? 373 00:19:47,342 --> 00:19:48,718 No money, no fame. 374 00:19:48,802 --> 00:19:50,761 Well, you might say things hit a bit of a snag. 375 00:19:50,845 --> 00:19:52,805 No beach house, no pool boys. 376 00:19:52,889 --> 00:19:54,641 Oh, will you get a grip, Roz? 377 00:19:56,184 --> 00:19:57,101 What went wrong? 378 00:19:57,185 --> 00:20:01,731 Well, they were halfway down the aisle, Big Willy beaming proudly. 379 00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:04,568 Bebe radiant, supporting Big Willy on her arm 380 00:20:04,652 --> 00:20:06,903 when suddenly he clutched his heart 381 00:20:06,987 --> 00:20:09,448 and his head slumped against Bebe's shoulder. 382 00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:13,201 Of course we were all concerned at first but it seemed he was all right 383 00:20:13,285 --> 00:20:15,285 because they kept moving down the aisle. 384 00:20:17,081 --> 00:20:20,083 But if you looked carefully, you could see Bebe's little bicep bulging 385 00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:22,711 through her wedding gown and I swear, I noticed daylight 386 00:20:22,795 --> 00:20:25,841 between Big Willy's dress boots and the carpet. 387 00:20:27,843 --> 00:20:30,511 Well, once they got up to the minister the jig was pretty well up, 388 00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:33,389 despite Bebe's valiant attempts to animate his features 389 00:20:33,473 --> 00:20:35,973 by twisting the loose skin at the back of his neck. 390 00:20:39,354 --> 00:20:42,023 You know, I've never seen a woman more crushed. 391 00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:45,057 Well, if I were you I'd get her away from that balcony rail. 392 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:46,486 The doorman gets ticked 393 00:20:46,570 --> 00:20:48,948 if you even throw a piece of gum over the side. 394 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:56,747 Bebe, dear. Please. Come on in. That's a girl. 395 00:20:57,415 --> 00:20:59,665 All right. Let me have a look at you. Come on. 396 00:20:59,917 --> 00:21:01,002 There we are. 397 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:08,551 Well, I don't really blame you, dear. You know, Roz and I are both upset too. 398 00:21:09,051 --> 00:21:10,551 You know, look at it this way, 399 00:21:11,513 --> 00:21:14,140 at least you're no worse off than you were before. 400 00:21:14,224 --> 00:21:16,100 You don't know the things I did for that man, 401 00:21:16,184 --> 00:21:20,230 the depraved, Western-themed appetites I satisfied. 402 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:25,610 He was 85. How bad could it have been? 403 00:21:25,694 --> 00:21:26,904 Ever worn a saddle? 404 00:21:29,907 --> 00:21:31,507 -Do I have to answer that? -No. 405 00:21:33,328 --> 00:21:34,578 Well, Bebe, you know, 406 00:21:34,662 --> 00:21:36,831 there are other Big Willys out there, better ones. 407 00:21:36,915 --> 00:21:39,626 Richer, older, impotent. 408 00:21:40,585 --> 00:21:41,544 Oh, dear. 409 00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:44,213 -You always know what to say. -Well… 410 00:21:45,632 --> 00:21:47,967 I know what hell I put you through over this. 411 00:21:48,718 --> 00:21:53,055 I insist that you take this as a small token of my gratitude. 412 00:21:53,139 --> 00:21:54,089 Oh, Bebe, really… 413 00:21:55,225 --> 00:21:59,521 Look, Roz. It's a gold Rolex. Oh, my goodness. 414 00:22:00,189 --> 00:22:01,023 Bebe? 415 00:22:01,815 --> 00:22:03,192 Where did you get this? 416 00:22:04,109 --> 00:22:05,809 Just don't wear it to the funeral. 417 00:22:14,244 --> 00:22:16,832 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 418 00:22:16,916 --> 00:22:19,167 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 419 00:22:19,918 --> 00:22:21,210 Oh, my. 420 00:22:21,294 --> 00:22:23,504 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 421 00:22:23,588 --> 00:22:26,215 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 422 00:22:26,299 --> 00:22:28,384 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 423 00:22:28,468 --> 00:22:29,844 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 424 00:22:29,928 --> 00:22:33,098 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 425 00:22:34,474 --> 00:22:37,143 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 426 00:22:37,227 --> 00:22:38,312 Thank you!