1 00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:04,308 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:24,997 --> 00:00:27,499 -You got something on your mind? -It's Joe. 3 00:00:27,583 --> 00:00:30,543 Tonight's our six-month anniversary, but we can't celebrate 4 00:00:30,627 --> 00:00:34,214 until next week because he's flying to Las Vegas with his buddies. 5 00:00:34,298 --> 00:00:36,216 Oh, Vegas, huh? Great! 6 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,718 Well, tell him not to miss the show at the Diamond Lounge. 7 00:00:38,802 --> 00:00:40,721 A Topless History of the World. 8 00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:45,058 If they still got the same Bathsheba, he's in for a real treat. 9 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:49,021 Oh, yes, that's just where I want Joe spending our anniversary, 10 00:00:49,105 --> 00:00:51,691 -some smutty show in Vegas. -[DOORBELL RINGS] 11 00:00:51,775 --> 00:00:54,527 No, it's very tasteful and historically accurate, 12 00:00:54,611 --> 00:00:56,445 except at the end where Eleanor Roosevelt 13 00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:59,532 and Eva Braun settle World War II by wrestling in pudding. 14 00:01:04,579 --> 00:01:06,288 -Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. -Daphne. 15 00:01:06,372 --> 00:01:09,417 -Niles, to what do we owe this pleasure? -To an unscrupulous art dealer 16 00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:10,918 who's trying to rob me blind. 17 00:01:11,002 --> 00:01:14,505 -Last night I was at a gallery opening… -Niles, is this gonna be a long story? 18 00:01:14,589 --> 00:01:15,590 Moderately. 19 00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:16,759 Walk and talk. 20 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,345 Anyway, I was at this opening, in conversation, 21 00:01:20,429 --> 00:01:23,432 when I made a rather emphatic point about pointillism. 22 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:26,852 When I lost the grip on my canapé and found that it became airborne. 23 00:01:26,936 --> 00:01:31,064 Well, the next thing I know I'm being confronted by an irate gallery owner 24 00:01:31,148 --> 00:01:34,648 who's demanding I reimburse him for the damage to one of his paintings. 25 00:01:34,985 --> 00:01:38,196 How he could notice a fleck of foie gras on a Jackson Pollock is beyond me. 26 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,240 [CHUCKLES HAUGHTILY] 27 00:01:40,324 --> 00:01:41,783 He's getting an estimate and to protect myself, 28 00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:44,745 I seem to recall you knowing a trustworthy art restorer. 29 00:01:44,829 --> 00:01:47,039 Oh, yes, I do, actually. He saved my life last year 30 00:01:47,123 --> 00:01:49,251 -when Eddie licked my Liechtenstein. -Mm. 31 00:01:49,793 --> 00:01:51,793 -I'll get you his card. -Oh, thank you. 32 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,465 -You free for lunch today? -Oh, sadly, no. 33 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,633 The radio station is subjecting my program 34 00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:01,262 to something they call a focus group this afternoon. 35 00:02:01,346 --> 00:02:03,431 -Dinner, perhaps. -Oh, perfect. 36 00:02:03,515 --> 00:02:05,183 And what exactly is a focus group? 37 00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:07,602 Well, they actually drag a pack of people 38 00:02:07,686 --> 00:02:09,645 off the street and make them listen to my program 39 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,689 and then dutifully record their opinions about it. 40 00:02:11,773 --> 00:02:13,316 -How demeaning. -Oh, absolutely. 41 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,987 Imagine Sigmund Freud being dragged into a room full of Viennese laymen 42 00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:20,491 to hear remarks like, "Hate that Oedipal thing but, oh, love the penis envy." 43 00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:21,951 I mean, really. 44 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:24,995 The worst thing is, they may make me change my show 45 00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:27,290 in deference to the opinion of Joe Six Pack. 46 00:02:28,165 --> 00:02:31,126 You're worrying too much. I was on a focus group once. 47 00:02:31,210 --> 00:02:34,714 That sound you hear is a nail being hammered into my coffin. 48 00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,468 They were trying out a new frozen snack. 49 00:02:39,552 --> 00:02:42,652 It was a meatball with the cheese injected right in the middle. 50 00:02:46,435 --> 00:02:48,353 Just as nature intended. 51 00:02:49,271 --> 00:02:50,480 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 52 00:02:53,525 --> 00:02:54,735 Dr. Niles Crane. 53 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,613 Ah. So you have the estimate? 54 00:02:58,697 --> 00:02:59,531 What? 55 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,784 Four thousand dollars? 56 00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:05,621 To remove a minuscule gobbet of duck liver? 57 00:03:07,122 --> 00:03:10,122 I could do the same thing with a Q-tip and some club seltzer. 58 00:03:10,375 --> 00:03:12,252 Oh, well, you may very well say, "Pay up or else," 59 00:03:12,336 --> 00:03:14,629 -but I have something to say to you… -WOMAN [ON TV]: Yeah? 60 00:03:14,713 --> 00:03:17,883 Well, I wasn't the one who was fooling around with the babysitter! 61 00:03:17,967 --> 00:03:20,302 -MAN: Shut up! -WOMAN: No, you shut up! 62 00:03:20,386 --> 00:03:21,971 Oh, please, I have enough aggravation 63 00:03:22,055 --> 00:03:24,473 without having to listen to a stupid talk show! 64 00:03:24,557 --> 00:03:27,309 Honestly, the only life-forms lower than the people 65 00:03:27,393 --> 00:03:30,043 who appear on those shows are the ones who watch them. 66 00:03:30,355 --> 00:03:31,731 -Like me. -What… 67 00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:33,941 Oh, no. I didn't realize that you were… 68 00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:36,277 -I was just… -Oh, no, no that's quite all right. 69 00:03:36,361 --> 00:03:39,697 Although I do find it interesting that I get criticized 70 00:03:39,781 --> 00:03:43,242 for listening to people's problems when all you do is get rich from it. 71 00:03:43,326 --> 00:03:45,120 Oh, surely, Daphne, even you can see the difference 72 00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:47,998 between cheap sensationalism and the practice of psychiatry. 73 00:03:48,082 --> 00:03:49,875 Oh, even me? 74 00:03:49,959 --> 00:03:52,419 -Oh, no, I… -As in, even feeble-minded Daphne? 75 00:03:52,503 --> 00:03:54,671 I'll tell you what I can tell the difference between, 76 00:03:54,755 --> 00:03:57,049 a true gentleman and a condescending prig! 77 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,968 I am not! 78 00:04:00,052 --> 00:04:02,096 He said priggishly. 79 00:04:03,889 --> 00:04:06,349 Forgive me if I'm not as down-to-earth as you 80 00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:09,311 and your tattooed, muumuu-wearing brethren. 81 00:04:09,937 --> 00:04:11,438 You pompous twit! 82 00:04:11,522 --> 00:04:12,439 Couch zombie! 83 00:04:12,523 --> 00:04:13,899 -DAPHNE: Snob! -NILES: Brat! 84 00:04:13,983 --> 00:04:16,277 -Oh, shut up! -Oh, you shut up! 85 00:04:16,361 --> 00:04:17,862 I'm glad we turned off the TV. 86 00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:24,785 Oh, oh, Dr. Crane, I'm so sorry. 87 00:04:24,869 --> 00:04:26,162 I'm just so upset at Joe. 88 00:04:26,246 --> 00:04:27,496 I didn't mean a word of it. 89 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:29,582 Daphne, I apologize. I have no idea what came over me. 90 00:04:29,666 --> 00:04:33,878 I was angry on the phone and I called you a couch zombie. I didn't mean… Friends? 91 00:04:34,629 --> 00:04:35,630 Of course. 92 00:04:42,637 --> 00:04:44,187 Niles, what was that all about? 93 00:04:44,472 --> 00:04:47,977 I'm not sure, but, oh, mama, it was glorious! 94 00:04:52,314 --> 00:04:55,484 Blood pounding, sarcastic zingers flying… 95 00:04:55,568 --> 00:04:57,861 Are you saying that you enjoyed fighting with Daphne? 96 00:04:57,945 --> 00:05:02,115 Every exhilarating moment. It was pure unbridled passion. 97 00:05:02,199 --> 00:05:04,949 I think I still have some of her spittle on my forehead. 98 00:05:08,706 --> 00:05:11,625 Oh, oh, why did Dad ever tell us not to fight with girls? 99 00:05:11,709 --> 00:05:12,877 It's wonderful! 100 00:05:13,377 --> 00:05:15,171 The friction between us… 101 00:05:15,255 --> 00:05:17,173 Niles, is this going to be a long description? 102 00:05:17,257 --> 00:05:18,508 -Very. -Walk and talk. 103 00:05:18,592 --> 00:05:20,635 Oh, the friction between us. 104 00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:24,069 I mean, I felt a burning in my body, flames coming out of my ears… 105 00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:30,603 FRASIER [ON TAPE]: By showering a reluctant girlfriend with gifts, Billy, 106 00:05:30,687 --> 00:05:33,398 you're applying a Band-Aid to a gaping wound. 107 00:05:33,482 --> 00:05:36,275 My advice is to find someone who will return your worthy affection, 108 00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:41,072 or sooner or later, your wallet, as well as your bed, will be empty. 109 00:05:41,156 --> 00:05:43,408 I see we're out of time. Thank you for listening. 110 00:05:43,492 --> 00:05:47,497 This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health. 111 00:05:48,331 --> 00:05:50,875 Okay, let's talk about Dr. Crane's show. 112 00:05:51,834 --> 00:05:53,961 Now, I know, you've been eyeing this two-way mirror, 113 00:05:54,045 --> 00:05:56,296 but the only people behind there are data consultants. 114 00:05:56,380 --> 00:05:57,881 So, please, speak freely. 115 00:05:57,965 --> 00:06:00,426 There's no one involved with the show whose feelings could be hurt. 116 00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:03,387 If anybody says anything bad about me, I'll kill myself. 117 00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:05,222 Oh, now, Roz, relax. 118 00:06:05,306 --> 00:06:07,975 We do a perfectly good show. We're not gonna change it one iota. 119 00:06:08,059 --> 00:06:10,936 Only a fool would listen to the opinion of every Tom, Dick and Harry. 120 00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,438 I liked everything about it. 121 00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:15,109 On the other hand, it's good to keep an open mind. 122 00:06:15,734 --> 00:06:17,027 And I like that Roz. 123 00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:18,862 I think her voice is really sexy. 124 00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:21,990 Especially that throaty laugh of hers. 125 00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:23,491 Wow. That's nice. 126 00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:26,327 -I didn't know I had a throaty laugh. -MAN: You do. 127 00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:27,787 I've noticed it too. 128 00:06:27,871 --> 00:06:29,122 Really? 129 00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:30,457 Oh, you. 130 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:38,339 The stuff he says really seems to make a lot of sense. 131 00:06:38,423 --> 00:06:39,924 Yeah, it's funny. 132 00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:42,802 I mean, he takes his callers seriously but he can kid around with them too. 133 00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:44,638 Yeah, I listen to a lot of radio 134 00:06:44,722 --> 00:06:47,058 -and I think this is a great show. -Yeah. 135 00:06:48,935 --> 00:06:51,771 I just don't know how much more of this I can listen to. 136 00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,983 Manu, I noticed you've been quiet. 137 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,194 -Do you have something to say? -Me? No. 138 00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:03,030 We'd like to hear your opinion of the program. 139 00:07:04,242 --> 00:07:06,703 Well, it's… I don't know. 140 00:07:07,537 --> 00:07:08,705 Something about… 141 00:07:10,039 --> 00:07:11,124 I don't like it. 142 00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:18,674 Well, who is this cheeky non-conformist? 143 00:07:19,717 --> 00:07:22,052 Well, let's see. His name is Manu Habib. 144 00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:23,345 Married. No children. 145 00:07:23,429 --> 00:07:25,222 Owns his own news stand. 146 00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:30,019 Wow, that is so weird to hear someone's whole life summed up like that. 147 00:07:30,769 --> 00:07:34,523 Roz Doyle, radio producer, single. 148 00:07:38,736 --> 00:07:40,946 MODERATOR: Now getting back to your thoughts, Manu, 149 00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:43,573 you said there was something about the program you didn't like. 150 00:07:43,657 --> 00:07:45,202 Can you be more specific? 151 00:07:45,744 --> 00:07:49,164 Well, I don't like him. 152 00:07:51,875 --> 00:07:53,167 Why? 153 00:07:53,251 --> 00:07:55,462 I don't know. I just don't like him. 154 00:07:56,087 --> 00:07:58,256 I do. I'm gonna start listening to him all the time. 155 00:07:58,340 --> 00:07:59,340 It's a great show. 156 00:07:59,424 --> 00:08:01,884 WOMAN: Yeah, it's fantastic. He's wonderful. I love his show. 157 00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:04,512 My God, Frasier, this is a love fest. 158 00:08:04,596 --> 00:08:06,514 I can't believe we were even worried about it. 159 00:08:06,598 --> 00:08:09,017 "I just don't like him." Mm… 160 00:08:10,852 --> 00:08:14,313 Oh, it looks like our coffee's here. Why don't we take a quick break? Okay? 161 00:08:14,397 --> 00:08:16,984 Hey, sports fans! How's it going in here? 162 00:08:17,068 --> 00:08:19,069 I thought they were testing your show across the hall. 163 00:08:19,153 --> 00:08:20,237 Oh, yeah, they are. 164 00:08:20,321 --> 00:08:22,489 But after ten minutes, it's just the same old. 165 00:08:22,573 --> 00:08:25,159 -Guys love me, chicks pretend not to. -FRASIER: Oh… 166 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:26,452 Whoa! 167 00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:29,580 Your group's even uglier than mine. 168 00:08:29,664 --> 00:08:30,873 Will you knock it off? 169 00:08:30,957 --> 00:08:33,292 -These people happen to like us. -Will you guys lighten up? 170 00:08:33,376 --> 00:08:35,127 You gotta get in the spirit of things. 171 00:08:35,211 --> 00:08:38,256 Hey, hey! This is great. I live for a moment like this. 172 00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:44,804 -That's right. Go for it right there. -Oh, come on. Hey, Bulldog… 173 00:08:44,888 --> 00:08:46,347 As long as you're in there, you might as well go 174 00:08:46,431 --> 00:08:48,183 after the huevos rancheros you had for breakfast. 175 00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,601 Oh, stop it! 176 00:08:49,685 --> 00:08:51,644 Hey, ten bucks says he eats what he finds. 177 00:08:51,728 --> 00:08:56,316 -Oh, that's disgusting! Come on. -Wait, come on, come on, come on. 178 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,401 Bingo! 179 00:08:58,026 --> 00:09:01,280 -Do I know these people or what? -Oh, go away. 180 00:09:05,701 --> 00:09:07,119 -Hi, Niles. -Hey, Dad. 181 00:09:07,828 --> 00:09:11,678 May I assume from your dress windbreaker that you'll be joining us for dinner? 182 00:09:12,332 --> 00:09:14,793 Yep. But I'm making a pitch that we eat at the Timber Mill. 183 00:09:14,877 --> 00:09:17,296 I got a coupon from there that expires tomorrow. 184 00:09:17,380 --> 00:09:19,465 Oh. If I dine there tonight, so may I. 185 00:09:22,176 --> 00:09:23,510 -NILES: Oh. -Hello, Dr. Crane. 186 00:09:23,594 --> 00:09:26,014 There's the British bobcat. 187 00:09:28,224 --> 00:09:31,227 Now, look, she's still a little bit over the edge about this Joe thing, 188 00:09:31,311 --> 00:09:34,563 so you better watch your step or you're gonna have a repeat of this morning. 189 00:09:34,647 --> 00:09:36,247 We wouldn't want that, would we? 190 00:09:38,568 --> 00:09:40,736 Chips, Daphne? Is that wise? 191 00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:41,820 What do you mean? 192 00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:45,451 Well, you know what they say, "Many chips make for chubby hips." 193 00:09:46,910 --> 00:09:48,787 Waddle, waddle, waddle. 194 00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:53,959 Have you lost your mind? 195 00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:57,128 Oh, no, I'm glad that I've put on a few. 196 00:09:57,212 --> 00:09:59,882 Now maybe Joe will stop nagging me to plump up. 197 00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:04,117 MARTIN: Hey, Fras, how was the focus group? 198 00:10:04,511 --> 00:10:05,637 Fine, I guess. 199 00:10:05,721 --> 00:10:08,515 Oh, well, you said yourself, they don't mean anything. 200 00:10:08,599 --> 00:10:09,808 Yes, it's one thing to say that, 201 00:10:09,892 --> 00:10:12,442 it's another to sit there being personally attacked. 202 00:10:13,896 --> 00:10:16,983 One man actually said, "I just don't like him." 203 00:10:18,735 --> 00:10:19,819 Only one? 204 00:10:24,282 --> 00:10:26,201 I'm healing with humor. 205 00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:28,703 I'll stop now. 206 00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:33,165 I'm sure someone must have said something nice. 207 00:10:33,249 --> 00:10:36,168 Well, all the other 11 had nothing but high praise. 208 00:10:36,252 --> 00:10:38,671 Eleven out of 12 liked you? You should be thrilled. 209 00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:41,173 FDR didn't have that kind of approval rating. 210 00:10:41,257 --> 00:10:43,175 Or Churchill, for that matter. 211 00:10:43,259 --> 00:10:47,890 Churchill? That cigar-chomping gin blossom with a face attached? 212 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:51,893 You're right about that. 213 00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:54,177 There's a kiss hello to put you off your tea. 214 00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:00,485 I wish I was able to talk to this man and ask him 215 00:11:00,569 --> 00:11:03,405 what it is about me that he doesn't like, but I can't, you see. 216 00:11:03,489 --> 00:11:06,033 He was told that his comments would be kept confidential. 217 00:11:06,117 --> 00:11:08,618 Just forget it. Come on, let's go out to dinner. I'm buying. 218 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,495 Well, what is it he doesn't like about me? 219 00:11:10,579 --> 00:11:11,830 My voice? My manner? 220 00:11:11,914 --> 00:11:14,584 -Do I intimidate him? -I don't know. What is it about you? 221 00:11:14,668 --> 00:11:16,044 Everybody has to love you. 222 00:11:16,128 --> 00:11:18,046 It's like when you were in that play in high school. 223 00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:21,257 You got standing ovations every night, all your friends say that you're great. 224 00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:24,510 You got one lousy review in the school paper and you sulked for a week. 225 00:11:24,594 --> 00:11:26,888 Dad, I like to think I've matured a bit since then. 226 00:11:26,972 --> 00:11:28,973 But, you know, you would've sulked too if you read in the paper: 227 00:11:29,057 --> 00:11:31,976 "Mr. Crane's attempts to gyrate his hips as Conrad the Teen Idol 228 00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:35,856 in Bye Bye Birdie made this reviewer say, 'Bye Bye Breakfast.' " 229 00:11:41,194 --> 00:11:43,905 That review was a mash note compared to my first draft. 230 00:11:49,871 --> 00:11:51,997 Yeah, I know just what you're going through. 231 00:11:52,081 --> 00:11:54,583 I once won a dance competition hands down, 232 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:55,959 but instead of celebrating, 233 00:11:56,043 --> 00:11:59,547 I spent the whole night fretting over me one bad score. 234 00:12:00,298 --> 00:12:02,216 -Silly head. -Idiot! 235 00:12:05,094 --> 00:12:07,972 Oh, I've stepped in it now. 236 00:12:08,806 --> 00:12:11,350 -Listen here, Dr. Crane… -Yeah, Daphne? 237 00:12:11,434 --> 00:12:13,534 FRASIER: All right, Daphne, just a moment. 238 00:12:14,061 --> 00:12:15,438 Just try to remember what you're like 239 00:12:15,522 --> 00:12:18,483 when you're arguing with Joe and consider Niles' situation. He's separated. 240 00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:21,069 You can't imagine the sort of emotional see-saw he's on, 241 00:12:21,153 --> 00:12:25,253 not to mention the fact he may be unaware that he's acting like a complete jackass! 242 00:12:26,074 --> 00:12:27,575 Of course, you're right. 243 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,078 I'm sorry. I should be more sensitive. 244 00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:33,916 Well, from now on, nothing you say can make me cross with you. 245 00:12:40,881 --> 00:12:43,217 -[DOOR CLOSES] -I suppose I had that coming. 246 00:12:44,469 --> 00:12:46,887 Though I think "jackass" was a tad over the line. 247 00:12:46,971 --> 00:12:51,308 Well, just consider it payback for the headline "Crane's Birdie Lays an Egg." 248 00:12:51,392 --> 00:12:53,436 Come on, Frasier, you gotta let it go. 249 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,982 You know, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, you can't please everybody. 250 00:12:58,066 --> 00:13:02,403 Well, I suppose my negative baggage is just a pound or two over the weight limit. 251 00:13:02,487 --> 00:13:04,572 Okay, good. Come on, let's go have dinner. 252 00:13:04,656 --> 00:13:06,407 -All right. -This is good. 253 00:13:06,491 --> 00:13:09,035 This is healthy. I'm letting go. 254 00:13:17,211 --> 00:13:18,212 There he is. 255 00:13:21,257 --> 00:13:23,092 The man who doesn't like me. 256 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,595 I knew we should've taken two cars. 257 00:13:35,104 --> 00:13:37,304 MARTIN: What the hell's the matter with you? 258 00:13:37,523 --> 00:13:40,484 I'm sorry, Dad. It's just, "I just don't like him." 259 00:13:40,568 --> 00:13:42,486 It's just not specific enough. 260 00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:46,282 -Why doesn't he like me? -What difference does it make? 261 00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:48,284 If his point was valid, then I would do something about it. 262 00:13:48,368 --> 00:13:50,661 If it's not, well, then I can dismiss it. 263 00:13:50,745 --> 00:13:52,830 -Fine. Go talk to him. -I can't. 264 00:13:52,914 --> 00:13:54,916 He's not supposed to know I was part of the focus group. 265 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,628 But you could go talk to him for me. 266 00:13:59,379 --> 00:14:00,963 Oh, for crying out loud. 267 00:14:01,047 --> 00:14:04,697 Hey, look, if we're going to be here for a while, could we lock the doors? 268 00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,261 Relax, Niles, the neighborhood's okay. 269 00:14:07,345 --> 00:14:10,181 -The docks are two blocks from here. -So's the Ritz Carlton. 270 00:14:10,265 --> 00:14:12,915 Exactly. We're caught halfway between heaven and hell. 271 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,396 All I want is more information. 272 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,191 Dad, please, please go talk to him for me. 273 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,568 All right, if I get an answer for you, can we go to dinner? 274 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,820 Okay, fine. Oh, but, wait, wait, wait! 275 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,989 Now you can't just walk up there and ask him. 276 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,423 He'll know that I sent you. 277 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,911 We've gotta find some artful way of introducing the subject. 278 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,956 Can we at least hide Dad's handicap sign? 279 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,000 It sends a clear signal that we're incapable of fighting back. 280 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,502 So do your suspenders. 281 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,839 All right, I've got it. You're a businessman in town from Chicago. 282 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,717 No, no, it's too obvious. Uh… 283 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,970 From Cleveland. No one would pretend to be from Cleveland. 284 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,764 -Fine. Then we eat. -Wait, wait, I'm not through yet. 285 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,934 Yes, you've had a bad sales month and you're a little depressed. 286 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:55,395 You happened to see ad for my show on the side of a bus 287 00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,981 and you were wondering if I'm as intelligent as I look. 288 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,149 -What? -Well, oh, just word it your own way, 289 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,485 but are we clear on this now? 290 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,112 All right, I got it. Businessman. 291 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:06,823 Cleveland. Depression. Then eat. 292 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,700 Yes, Dad, eat. 293 00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:11,534 Honestly, sometimes you become so obsessed about things. 294 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,416 Oh, God, it's raining. 295 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,502 [THUNDER RUMBLING] 296 00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:23,674 Hi, I'm Marty Crane. My son's Dr. Frasier Crane. 297 00:15:23,758 --> 00:15:25,384 He's across the street in that BMW. 298 00:15:25,468 --> 00:15:27,011 No, don't look. Don't look. 299 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:30,055 Oh, my God. He was behind the mirror. 300 00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:31,265 Don't worry about it. 301 00:15:31,349 --> 00:15:34,143 He's not mad at you. He just wants to know why you don't like him. 302 00:15:34,227 --> 00:15:35,686 But I do like him. 303 00:15:35,770 --> 00:15:38,022 -No, you don't. -Oh, yes, I do. 304 00:15:38,106 --> 00:15:39,898 Oh, no. He heard what you said. 305 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,317 They lied to me. 306 00:15:41,401 --> 00:15:45,401 They lied about the… They lied about the mirror, they lied about the free gift. 307 00:15:47,366 --> 00:15:50,035 That's a tote bag? What the hell is a fanny pack? 308 00:15:52,371 --> 00:15:54,748 Look, I just need you to be a little more specific. 309 00:15:54,832 --> 00:15:56,332 What don't you like about him? 310 00:15:57,418 --> 00:15:58,293 I can't do this. 311 00:15:58,377 --> 00:16:00,754 I don't like to say bad things about people. 312 00:16:00,838 --> 00:16:01,880 And you are his father. 313 00:16:01,964 --> 00:16:03,256 No, you'd be doing me a favor. 314 00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:06,968 Just answer this one question and we'll all get out of your life forever. 315 00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:08,511 You're promising? 316 00:16:08,595 --> 00:16:10,013 Absolutely. 317 00:16:10,973 --> 00:16:11,806 All right. 318 00:16:11,890 --> 00:16:14,769 Oh, I don't know your son well, 319 00:16:14,853 --> 00:16:17,856 but, uh, I guess I find him, 320 00:16:18,565 --> 00:16:21,942 uh, just a little bit… 321 00:16:22,026 --> 00:16:23,069 Yeah? 322 00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:23,987 Annoying. 323 00:16:24,904 --> 00:16:26,864 Okay, you did good. Thanks. 324 00:16:26,948 --> 00:16:30,534 Please tell your son I'm sorry that he annoys me so much. 325 00:16:30,618 --> 00:16:31,619 Will do. 326 00:16:34,372 --> 00:16:35,790 Not yet. Not yet. 327 00:16:35,874 --> 00:16:38,168 Not yet. Okay, unlock. 328 00:16:43,631 --> 00:16:45,301 Right and lock. 329 00:16:47,261 --> 00:16:48,762 -Mission accomplished. -FRASIER: Good. 330 00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:51,181 -Did he believe our story? -Yeah, I had him going pretty good. 331 00:16:51,265 --> 00:16:53,100 That Cleveland thing really sold it. 332 00:16:53,851 --> 00:16:55,310 Well, we better go eat now, huh? 333 00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:57,187 -Right. Right. -Before he sees us together. 334 00:16:57,271 --> 00:17:00,065 -[ENGINE STARTS] -So, Dad, what didn't he like about me? 335 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,567 He said you annoy him. 336 00:17:02,318 --> 00:17:03,860 Yes? How so? 337 00:17:03,944 --> 00:17:05,445 Well, I didn't ask him why. 338 00:17:05,529 --> 00:17:07,155 What do you mean, didn't ask him? 339 00:17:07,239 --> 00:17:08,407 Oh, jeez. 340 00:17:08,491 --> 00:17:11,201 I'm sorry, Dad but I have no idea what "He's annoying" means. 341 00:17:11,285 --> 00:17:12,785 Well, it's clear enough to me! 342 00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:15,373 Frasier, not to appear unsympathetic 343 00:17:15,457 --> 00:17:18,957 but I've had my "I'm dangerous" face on so long, it's starting to hurt. 344 00:17:20,128 --> 00:17:22,463 Well, what is it about me he could find so annoying? 345 00:17:22,547 --> 00:17:25,297 He mentioned something about not letting an old man eat. 346 00:17:26,384 --> 00:17:29,304 It's clear I'm gonna have to do this myself, isn't it? 347 00:17:31,473 --> 00:17:32,599 -Here. -Thank you. 348 00:17:34,726 --> 00:17:36,227 -Who you calling? -No one. 349 00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:38,730 I just pressed 911 and I'm keeping my finger poised 350 00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:40,898 over the "send" button in case there's trouble with those hooligans. 351 00:17:40,982 --> 00:17:43,882 Oh, the UPS man or the little girls playing in the puddles? 352 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,116 -Hello. -Hello. 353 00:17:50,409 --> 00:17:52,119 -I can help you? -Uh… 354 00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:53,203 Yes, yes. 355 00:17:53,287 --> 00:17:56,874 Um, you were recently speaking with a salesman from Cleveland. 356 00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,210 -I don't think so. -It was just five minutes ago. 357 00:18:00,294 --> 00:18:04,394 Listen, he left you and went over to that car waiting right over there. Do you see? 358 00:18:06,509 --> 00:18:08,719 -Oh, God, no. Oh, you're him. It's you! -Yes. 359 00:18:08,803 --> 00:18:10,345 -Yes, it is. I'm so sorry. -No, I know the voice. 360 00:18:10,429 --> 00:18:11,680 I really don't mean to bother you, 361 00:18:11,764 --> 00:18:13,850 but I would like to just talk to you for a minute. 362 00:18:13,934 --> 00:18:15,894 -I like your show. -No, you don't. 363 00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:18,272 Yes, I do. I like your show and I like you. 364 00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:20,648 You know that man was my father. 365 00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,650 -I like your father. -That's very delightful. 366 00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,695 But, you see, you told him that, uh, you find me annoying. 367 00:18:25,779 --> 00:18:27,697 Yes, yes, you did. And that's all right. 368 00:18:27,781 --> 00:18:29,449 I don't mind constructive criticism. 369 00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:31,576 It's just that I wish you could be a bit more specific. 370 00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,703 What exactly is it about me that you find so annoying? 371 00:18:33,787 --> 00:18:36,331 -You're not annoying. -Yes, I am! 372 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,999 Would I be here if I wasn't? 373 00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:41,044 I've enjoyed talking to you very much, but now it's time for my break. 374 00:18:41,128 --> 00:18:42,921 -Oh, no, no, please. Oh! -[YELLS] 375 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,635 -Oh, boy. -I'm so sorry. 376 00:18:47,719 --> 00:18:49,470 I am a sticky mess. 377 00:18:49,554 --> 00:18:53,182 -Look, let me help you with that. -No, no, no. No, it's fine. 378 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,517 -It's good. -Manu… 379 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:55,685 Drive safely. 380 00:18:57,562 --> 00:18:58,771 -[YELLS] -Oh! 381 00:18:58,855 --> 00:19:00,899 Oh, dear God, I'm so sorry. 382 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,025 -Are you all right? -No, no, fine. 383 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,068 -Let me look at it. -Fine. No. 384 00:19:04,152 --> 00:19:05,319 Look, I'm a doctor. 385 00:19:05,403 --> 00:19:07,603 I just go to the restaurant to put ice on it. 386 00:19:08,239 --> 00:19:10,408 Well, I'll hold down the fort here. 387 00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,160 Glad to be of help. 388 00:19:14,413 --> 00:19:16,248 He's crushed the gentleman's hand 389 00:19:16,332 --> 00:19:20,544 and now he appears to be commandeering his news stand. 390 00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:21,629 Uh-huh. 391 00:19:24,548 --> 00:19:28,052 Oh, good Lord. Smoking in a workplace. It's vile. 392 00:19:29,553 --> 00:19:31,012 How much for the paper? 393 00:19:31,096 --> 00:19:34,725 Yes, well, that would be 50 cents. 394 00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:38,895 -Thank you so much. There we are. -Excuse me. 395 00:19:38,979 --> 00:19:40,981 Are you Dr. Crane from the radio? 396 00:19:41,065 --> 00:19:42,065 Why, yes, I am. 397 00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:45,319 Oh, I just never miss your show. I love you. 398 00:19:45,403 --> 00:19:47,029 -Thank you. -I guess you get tired of hearing that. 399 00:19:47,113 --> 00:19:48,573 Oh, occupational hazard. 400 00:19:49,824 --> 00:19:53,995 -Um, would you mind? -I wouldn't mind at all. 401 00:19:54,079 --> 00:19:55,622 -To Amanda. -Amanda. 402 00:19:56,414 --> 00:19:57,415 It's a pleasure. 403 00:19:58,166 --> 00:20:00,167 What are you doing here, anyway? 404 00:20:00,251 --> 00:20:03,087 Oh, oh, well, you see, let me explain. 405 00:20:03,171 --> 00:20:08,801 You see, the radio station conducted a little audience survey today 406 00:20:08,885 --> 00:20:11,512 and although the response was favorable 407 00:20:11,596 --> 00:20:14,433 -from 11 out of 12 of the participants… -Is that smoking? 408 00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,310 Well, some people might consider it smoking, 409 00:20:16,394 --> 00:20:19,187 -but, you see, for me, a perfectionist… -Fire! 410 00:20:19,271 --> 00:20:22,650 Fire? What? Oh, my God! What? 411 00:20:28,698 --> 00:20:31,867 Oh, my God. Frasier set his news stand on fire. 412 00:20:34,078 --> 00:20:35,121 MARTIN: Mm-hmm. 413 00:20:55,142 --> 00:20:56,143 Uh… 414 00:20:59,563 --> 00:21:00,564 May I? 415 00:21:02,941 --> 00:21:06,194 I know there's nothing I can say right now that would make you feel any better, 416 00:21:06,278 --> 00:21:10,574 but, rest assured, I will be financially responsible for everything. 417 00:21:13,536 --> 00:21:17,582 All this because you had to know why I do not like you. 418 00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:20,418 Well, you were kind of vague. 419 00:21:21,794 --> 00:21:22,879 You want to know why? 420 00:21:23,463 --> 00:21:24,880 I'll tell you why. 421 00:21:24,964 --> 00:21:27,091 I think you are a smarty-pants. 422 00:21:29,260 --> 00:21:33,181 I was too polite to say that before, but then you spied on me, 423 00:21:33,806 --> 00:21:36,183 you stalked me, you badgered me, 424 00:21:36,267 --> 00:21:39,603 you poured Yoo-Hoo down my Dockers, you crushed my hand, 425 00:21:39,687 --> 00:21:42,398 and then, as if all that was not enough, 426 00:21:42,482 --> 00:21:45,568 you burned down my news stand, my livelihood! 427 00:21:45,652 --> 00:21:49,156 A gift to me from my beloved uncle, may he rest in peace! 428 00:21:51,909 --> 00:21:53,535 Was that so hard? 429 00:22:03,796 --> 00:22:05,798 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 430 00:22:06,548 --> 00:22:09,285 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 431 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:11,678 ♪ Tossed salad and scrambled eggs ♪ 432 00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:16,142 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 433 00:22:16,226 --> 00:22:18,519 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 434 00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:20,688 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 435 00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:22,740 ♪ But I don't know what to do 436 00:22:22,824 --> 00:22:25,902 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 437 00:22:27,487 --> 00:22:28,947 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 438 00:22:30,406 --> 00:22:33,200 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 439 00:22:33,284 --> 00:22:34,786 What is a boy to do? 440 00:22:37,247 --> 00:22:38,248 Good night!