1
00:00:10,313 --> 00:00:13,316
Oh, did I mention, two members
of my fear-of-commitment group
2
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,025
have announced they're getting married.
3
00:00:15,109 --> 00:00:16,860
Oh, congratulations.
4
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:19,488
There's a downside, though.
They're New Age types.
5
00:00:19,572 --> 00:00:21,739
The wedding is to be held in the woods.
6
00:00:21,823 --> 00:00:24,325
-So?
-I need a date.
7
00:00:24,409 --> 00:00:27,369
You know how the women in
my crowd tend to droop outdoors.
8
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:33,082
Yes, well, Niles, there are all different
sorts of women in the world, you know.
9
00:00:33,541 --> 00:00:36,502
Perhaps if you'd tiptoe beyond
the fringes of your precious circle,
10
00:00:36,586 --> 00:00:38,211
cast a wider net.
11
00:00:38,545 --> 00:00:42,090
Frasier, that woman by the
side of the road spearing trash…
12
00:00:43,549 --> 00:00:44,925
Not that wide.
13
00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:47,553
No, no, no, it's Roz.
14
00:00:48,262 --> 00:00:50,221
My God, it is.
15
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:57,852
If she realizes we've recognized
her, she'll be utterly humiliated.
16
00:00:57,936 --> 00:01:00,146
Oh, Roz?
17
00:01:01,314 --> 00:01:04,066
Oh, my God. You're not seeing me. Go away.
18
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:06,276
Roz, what on earth are you doing here?
19
00:01:07,027 --> 00:01:08,486
Just let me in.
20
00:01:08,570 --> 00:01:10,420
-Wait, I'll spread papers.
-Oh, yes.
21
00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:13,282
FRASIER: Thank you, Niles.
22
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,326
All right.
23
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,702
Okay, let's go.
24
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,370
What… What do you mean, "let's go"?
25
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,204
I… I can't do that.
I don't even know why you're here.
26
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:26,626
About a month ago, I got stopped
doing 60 in a 30-mile-an-hour zone.
27
00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:29,795
It was either a huge
fine or community service.
28
00:01:29,879 --> 00:01:32,548
So here I am and it's a nightmare.
29
00:01:32,632 --> 00:01:38,303
Breathing exhaust fumes, using
a spatula to scrape up roadkill.
30
00:01:39,346 --> 00:01:41,221
Well, at least just
look on the bright side.
31
00:01:41,305 --> 00:01:43,098
You're outdoors. You can enjoy nature.
32
00:01:43,182 --> 00:01:46,282
-You're beautifying our highways…
-Frasier, I found an ear.
33
00:01:47,769 --> 00:01:49,812
Was there no other service
you could've performed?
34
00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:52,897
The only other option was visiting
old people in a retirement home.
35
00:01:52,981 --> 00:01:54,274
And you chose this?
36
00:01:54,358 --> 00:01:56,693
Think about it: Walking
the streets, picking up trash…
37
00:01:56,777 --> 00:01:58,861
You can see how Roz
would go with the familiar.
38
00:01:58,945 --> 00:02:00,154
Niles.
39
00:02:01,572 --> 00:02:03,823
Old people just make me uncomfortable.
40
00:02:03,907 --> 00:02:06,868
Roz, have you ever considered
that your discomfort around the elderly
41
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,827
may stem from your
own fear of growing old?
42
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:10,579
Wow! Do you think?
43
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:13,998
Oh, my God.
44
00:02:14,082 --> 00:02:16,250
-What?
-It's my supervisor. Hit the gas.
45
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:20,503
-I can't. It might be illegal.
-Move or your brother gets it.
46
00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:23,798
-Absolutely not.
-All right, the headrest.
47
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,883
Off we go.
48
00:02:32,764 --> 00:02:34,224
[GRUNTING]
49
00:02:35,642 --> 00:02:38,185
Oh, well, Dad, doing your exercises.
Very good.
50
00:02:38,269 --> 00:02:40,395
DAPHNE: Just a little farther.
51
00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:42,063
There you go.
52
00:02:42,147 --> 00:02:44,148
Congratulations, Mr. Crane.
53
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,358
You finally got your
knee past your rib cage.
54
00:02:46,442 --> 00:02:48,193
It's no big deal.
55
00:02:48,277 --> 00:02:51,777
Well, it's more than Lilith could
accomplish in five years of marriage.
56
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,659
You know, it's so gratifying to see your
father make these little improvements.
57
00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:00,161
It's days like this when
I'm glad I took this position.
58
00:03:00,245 --> 00:03:02,831
We're all glad you took this position.
59
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:06,291
You know, Daphne, I must say,
there are some times I envy you.
60
00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:08,460
Here you go, Niles.
61
00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:15,716
You know, I'll just say
that it's always gratifying
62
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,842
to see some reward for your efforts.
63
00:03:17,926 --> 00:03:20,386
Lately, that's something I've
been lacking in my own work.
64
00:03:20,470 --> 00:03:22,013
-NILES: How so?
-Oh, well, you know,
65
00:03:22,097 --> 00:03:26,266
back in private practice I could spend
months, even years with a patient,
66
00:03:26,350 --> 00:03:27,893
see the fruits of my labor.
67
00:03:27,977 --> 00:03:29,727
Now, somebody calls in, I give my advice
68
00:03:29,811 --> 00:03:32,104
and never know how things work out.
69
00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:34,648
I simply release my humble
words in the airwaves,
70
00:03:34,732 --> 00:03:36,191
and then they're gone forever, vanished.
71
00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:38,193
So like my Tiffany cuff links.
72
00:03:39,944 --> 00:03:42,822
I'd hoped to wear them to my New
Age wedding. They've disappeared.
73
00:03:42,906 --> 00:03:44,908
So you know my pain.
74
00:03:48,577 --> 00:03:51,036
Well, I'm not really dissatisfied.
It's just that… Well,
75
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,580
Daphne, you know, you get
to see your progress with Dad.
76
00:03:53,664 --> 00:03:56,541
Niles, you have the upcoming
marriage of your commitment-phobics.
77
00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:58,459
Oh, come on. You help people all the time.
78
00:03:58,543 --> 00:04:00,837
-You helped me just the other day.
-How?
79
00:04:00,921 --> 00:04:03,713
Well, I was worried because
Eddie had lost his appetite,
80
00:04:03,797 --> 00:04:05,340
and you remember what you said?
81
00:04:05,424 --> 00:04:06,716
If I remember rightly, I said:
82
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,593
"Well, why don't you just give
him some of my truffle foie gras."
83
00:04:09,677 --> 00:04:10,886
Right.
84
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:12,305
I was being funny.
85
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:14,430
Oh.
86
00:04:14,514 --> 00:04:18,810
Yeah, well, I knew that.
That just cheered me right up.
87
00:04:18,894 --> 00:04:20,519
Come on, Eddie.
88
00:04:30,445 --> 00:04:33,948
-Excuse me, Bulldog.
-What's up, Doc?
89
00:04:34,365 --> 00:04:35,657
Listen, have you seen Roz?
90
00:04:35,741 --> 00:04:37,491
She's late. My show goes on in 30 seconds.
91
00:04:37,575 --> 00:04:39,118
You know what? I'd dump her.
92
00:04:39,202 --> 00:04:40,911
A little extreme, don't you think?
93
00:04:40,995 --> 00:04:43,997
I fire everybody once a year.
Housekeepers, personal trainers.
94
00:04:44,081 --> 00:04:46,457
Cut them off before they
start copping an attitude.
95
00:04:46,541 --> 00:04:48,542
Oh, oh, doctors are the worst of all.
96
00:04:48,626 --> 00:04:50,711
You pick up the same
disease three or four times,
97
00:04:50,795 --> 00:04:53,089
they start lecturing
you like it's your fault.
98
00:04:54,130 --> 00:04:55,798
You want a bite?
99
00:04:55,882 --> 00:04:58,732
Not if you skipped it to me
across a pool of disinfectant.
100
00:05:04,598 --> 00:05:08,058
Hello, Seattle. Good afternoon.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
101
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:10,602
Today we're gonna do
things just a little bit different.
102
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,103
For the past four years now,
103
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,105
I've been taking your
calls and giving advice.
104
00:05:14,189 --> 00:05:15,481
And I was thinking,
105
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,941
perhaps our listeners wonder
how things have turned out.
106
00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:19,318
I know I do.
107
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:22,194
So today I invite those of
you who've called in in the past
108
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,071
to give us a holler,
109
00:05:24,155 --> 00:05:26,657
and we can catch up on how
things have worked out for you.
110
00:05:26,741 --> 00:05:28,993
All our lines are open.
111
00:05:34,956 --> 00:05:36,707
Come on.
112
00:05:36,791 --> 00:05:38,918
Come on, you know the number.
113
00:05:39,209 --> 00:05:41,378
There we are.
114
00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:47,049
Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.
How did I help you?
115
00:05:48,342 --> 00:05:51,135
Hello, Dr. Crane.
This is Chet from Whidbey Island.
116
00:05:51,219 --> 00:05:53,054
I gave you a call last year.
117
00:05:53,138 --> 00:05:56,514
I was having problems
with low self-esteem.
118
00:05:56,598 --> 00:05:59,643
I see. And did my advice help
you to become more assertive?
119
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:03,730
CHET: Damn straight. Yeah, now
people say I'm downright arrogant.
120
00:06:04,522 --> 00:06:07,567
Well, you know what I say? Screw them.
121
00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:14,279
Well, perhaps you took
my advice just a bit too far.
122
00:06:14,363 --> 00:06:16,949
CHET: Who the hell are you?
123
00:06:17,950 --> 00:06:20,368
Screw you too.
124
00:06:21,870 --> 00:06:25,456
Well, as I give myself a
well-deserved pat on the back
125
00:06:26,248 --> 00:06:29,209
and Chet marches off to invade Poland,
126
00:06:29,293 --> 00:06:31,669
let's just go to commercial.
127
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,380
Well, Roz, glad you could join us.
128
00:06:34,464 --> 00:06:36,049
You're lucky I made it at all.
129
00:06:36,715 --> 00:06:39,008
I took your advice and went
down to that retirement home
130
00:06:39,092 --> 00:06:40,635
to finish off my community service.
131
00:06:40,719 --> 00:06:42,844
It's a lot better than
spearing trash, isn't it?
132
00:06:42,928 --> 00:06:44,304
You tell me.
133
00:06:44,388 --> 00:06:47,349
I started playing checkers
with this old man, Mr. Krantz.
134
00:06:47,433 --> 00:06:50,393
Well, things got a little competitive,
and he made a really bad move,
135
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,854
and I said, "You're a dead man."
136
00:06:56,356 --> 00:06:59,775
Oh, dear.
I think I see where this story's headed.
137
00:06:59,859 --> 00:07:02,444
A minute later, he's lying
sprawled across the board.
138
00:07:02,528 --> 00:07:04,737
Pieces are everywhere.
The whole place is screaming.
139
00:07:04,821 --> 00:07:08,491
When I pulled him up, he still
had a checker stuck to his forehead.
140
00:07:08,575 --> 00:07:11,118
Roz, I am so sorry, I…
141
00:07:11,202 --> 00:07:13,704
Jeez, I can see how you could
be very traumatized by this.
142
00:07:13,788 --> 00:07:16,497
Hi, we're back. That was a
catchy little commercial, wasn't it?
143
00:07:16,581 --> 00:07:17,957
Let's get back to it.
144
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:21,876
Roz, listen, you can't
be too upset about this.
145
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,587
Now, given the circumstances,
his age, and his surroundings,
146
00:07:24,671 --> 00:07:27,673
I mean, surely this thing
was sort of expected.
147
00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:29,258
Not with this guy.
148
00:07:29,342 --> 00:07:32,637
The whole reason I liked him
was he was so youthful and robust.
149
00:07:33,095 --> 00:07:35,513
You should have seen him, Frasier.
He was raring to go.
150
00:07:35,597 --> 00:07:37,849
He kept bragging about how good he was
151
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,349
and how much fun it was gonna be.
152
00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:40,892
Then he dies on me.
153
00:07:40,976 --> 00:07:43,895
-Hey, it happens to all guys, okay?
-Bulldog.
154
00:07:43,979 --> 00:07:46,480
No, no, no, this is a
pet peeve of mine, Doc.
155
00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:48,232
Why is it always the guy's fault?
156
00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:51,067
If you chicks needed a little less
booze to get from maybe to yes,
157
00:07:51,151 --> 00:07:54,321
we'd be a lot more alert when
the moment of truth arrives.
158
00:07:55,572 --> 00:08:00,534
Bulldog, Roz was playing checkers
with an elderly gentleman, and he died.
159
00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:02,410
Oh, well…
160
00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:08,205
Well, when I said we, I didn't
mean me, because I don't have that.
161
00:08:11,836 --> 00:08:13,986
Hey, you're a doctor.
That was confidential.
162
00:08:14,838 --> 00:08:17,965
Well, I guess it's back
to scraping up roadkill.
163
00:08:18,049 --> 00:08:20,592
FRASIER: Surely you realize what
happened at the retirement home
164
00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:22,761
-was an aberration.
-Well, maybe so.
165
00:08:22,845 --> 00:08:25,429
But I wasn't comfortable being
around old people to begin with,
166
00:08:25,513 --> 00:08:26,847
and this hasn't helped matters.
167
00:08:26,931 --> 00:08:29,600
Roz, listen, if you're ever going
to conquer your fear of aging,
168
00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:32,143
get back down there and spend
some time with these people.
169
00:08:32,227 --> 00:08:34,854
You'll learn that they're
really vital human beings.
170
00:08:34,938 --> 00:08:38,065
-I'm still not convinced.
-All right, then think of it this way:
171
00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:40,233
There's been a lot of
fog on the interstate lately,
172
00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,861
and the caribou are migrating.
173
00:08:46,739 --> 00:08:50,575
"As the train whistle screamed
and we started out of the station,
174
00:08:50,659 --> 00:08:54,369
"I lowered the window
and said, 'I'll be back.' "
175
00:08:54,453 --> 00:08:59,999
"But somehow I knew I would
never see her or Paris again."
176
00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:01,834
The end."
177
00:09:01,918 --> 00:09:05,087
That was a pretty good book,
wasn't it, Mr. Gouldenstein?
178
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:08,256
Mr. Gouldenstein,
you're feeling a little cold.
179
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,174
Can I make you a nice hot cup of…
180
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,510
Oh, my God!
181
00:09:18,932 --> 00:09:20,600
[EDDIE BARKING]
182
00:09:20,684 --> 00:09:22,351
Come on, boy. You can do it. Come on.
183
00:09:22,435 --> 00:09:23,727
[DOORBELL RINGS]
184
00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:26,188
Hey, hey. Hey, Fras, look at that.
He's dancing.
185
00:09:26,272 --> 00:09:28,356
-He's practically doing a polka.
-FRASIER: Good.
186
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,735
That should up his price
when I sell him to the carnival.
187
00:09:32,776 --> 00:09:34,361
-DAPHNE: Hello.
-Hello, Daphne.
188
00:09:34,445 --> 00:09:36,446
Back from the big
wedding in the woods, huh?
189
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:38,073
Oh, yes, and don't you look nice.
190
00:09:38,157 --> 00:09:40,825
Except, what's this sticky stuff
all over your shoulder here?
191
00:09:40,909 --> 00:09:43,119
-Did you finally find a date?
-I asked Maris.
192
00:09:43,203 --> 00:09:45,871
-Sap.
-I think Daphne speaks for us all.
193
00:09:47,581 --> 00:09:50,666
-Just how the hell did this happen?
-Well, I was desperate for a date,
194
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:52,876
and I knew Maris would
be lonely this time of year.
195
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,212
It's cruise season. She never partakes.
She has an absolute terror of buffets.
196
00:09:56,296 --> 00:10:00,133
Oh, yes, her legendary "smorgaphobia."
197
00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:03,426
So how did it go?
Or how big a scene did she make?
198
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,387
Actually, she did quite well.
199
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:08,389
She willingly joined in
the ceremonial chanting,
200
00:10:08,473 --> 00:10:12,101
and when the shaman invited those so
inclined to embrace their favorite tree,
201
00:10:12,185 --> 00:10:15,812
Maris said the only tree she was
willing to embrace was her family tree.
202
00:10:17,105 --> 00:10:18,522
Everyone laughed.
203
00:10:18,856 --> 00:10:20,691
Well, I laughed.
204
00:10:22,401 --> 00:10:24,235
Then it happened.
205
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:27,364
-They called for a group hug.
-Oh, dear.
206
00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:30,365
Last time I saw her, she was
racing toward her Mercedes,
207
00:10:30,449 --> 00:10:31,908
emitting a high-pitched shriek
208
00:10:31,992 --> 00:10:34,912
that caused the wedding
doves to attack one another.
209
00:10:35,954 --> 00:10:37,288
[DOORBELL RINGS]
210
00:10:37,372 --> 00:10:40,291
I'll see if I can find
something to remove this sap.
211
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:44,252
-Another one died.
-FRASIER: What? What happened?
212
00:10:44,336 --> 00:10:45,753
What's she talking about?
213
00:10:45,837 --> 00:10:48,422
Dad, Roz has been doing
some community service
214
00:10:48,506 --> 00:10:50,299
down at a retirement home,
215
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,301
and apparently, for the
second time this week,
216
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:53,785
one of her charges has died.
217
00:10:54,970 --> 00:10:57,070
They're calling me the Angel of Death now.
218
00:10:59,014 --> 00:11:00,765
Roz, you know this isn't your fault.
219
00:11:00,849 --> 00:11:02,267
Maybe it is.
220
00:11:02,351 --> 00:11:04,393
I've never been good
with plants or animals.
221
00:11:04,477 --> 00:11:05,978
Everything's always died on me.
222
00:11:06,062 --> 00:11:08,189
You have a cat.
223
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:10,315
Oh.
224
00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:13,151
I'm so sorry.
225
00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:17,446
Roz, death is an occupational
hazard of working with older people.
226
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:20,365
Trust me, I've lost more
patients than I'd like to count.
227
00:11:20,449 --> 00:11:22,241
You never said anything about that to me.
228
00:11:22,325 --> 00:11:25,912
Didn't I? Anyway, you just sit there,
and I'll go make you a nice cup of tea.
229
00:11:25,996 --> 00:11:27,954
MARTIN: Wait, how
many patients did you lose?
230
00:11:28,038 --> 00:11:29,414
DAPHNE: Well, I don't know.
231
00:11:29,498 --> 00:11:32,167
I used to keep a tally in me
diary, but it made me a bit sad.
232
00:11:32,251 --> 00:11:34,585
Was it more than five?
233
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:39,422
Now, listen, Roz, there's no way
that you can feel guilty about this.
234
00:11:39,506 --> 00:11:41,174
I mean, those men were gonna die anyway,
235
00:11:41,258 --> 00:11:43,675
and you gave them some
much welcomed companionship
236
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:45,177
in their final moments.
237
00:11:45,261 --> 00:11:47,471
It just seems so unfair.
238
00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:52,017
One minute he's lying in
the bed, smiling and happy,
239
00:11:52,642 --> 00:11:55,394
and ten seconds later it's over.
240
00:11:57,021 --> 00:12:00,232
For heaven's sake, it happens to
every man a couple of times in his life.
241
00:12:00,316 --> 00:12:03,735
Why can't you women
just take it as a compliment?
242
00:12:10,574 --> 00:12:12,574
Look, I appreciate you
coming down here with me,
243
00:12:12,658 --> 00:12:14,117
but I don't think I can make it.
244
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:17,204
Roz, we have discussed this.
This is going to be your breakthrough day.
245
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,330
-They hate me here.
-You're just overreacting.
246
00:12:19,414 --> 00:12:21,964
There's no way they think
you're the Angel of Death.
247
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:28,838
-I'm leaving.
-No, Roz, this is not like you.
248
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:31,131
The Roz I know is not a quitter.
She's a fighter.
249
00:12:31,215 --> 00:12:33,717
I just can't help thinking
it's going to happen again.
250
00:12:33,801 --> 00:12:35,218
They always die in threes.
251
00:12:35,302 --> 00:12:38,096
Oh, God, that's just celebrities. Come on.
252
00:12:39,389 --> 00:12:40,765
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
253
00:12:41,098 --> 00:12:42,933
FRASIER: All right, in you go.
254
00:12:43,017 --> 00:12:44,518
Just get… Just get in there.
255
00:12:46,728 --> 00:12:51,107
-Hi, I'm Roz.
-I'm Moira. Come in.
256
00:12:51,191 --> 00:12:52,899
-How are you feeling today?
-Fine.
257
00:12:52,983 --> 00:12:54,442
-Really? Do you feel okay?
-Yes.
258
00:12:54,526 --> 00:12:57,446
Now, do me a favor and hand
me those cigarettes, would you?
259
00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:02,199
You know, these things
do come with a warning.
260
00:13:02,283 --> 00:13:04,326
So do you, darling. I let you in.
261
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:10,163
Good afternoon. How you doing?
262
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,917
MAN: Is that Dr. Crane?
263
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,584
FRASIER: Yes.
264
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:18,337
-MAN: Dr. Frasier Crane?
-Yes.
265
00:13:18,421 --> 00:13:21,339
-Have we met?
-No, but I thought that was you.
266
00:13:21,423 --> 00:13:23,508
I recognize your voice from the radio.
267
00:13:23,592 --> 00:13:25,593
I listen to your program all the time.
268
00:13:25,677 --> 00:13:27,011
Norman Royster.
269
00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:29,972
Well, it's my pleasure.
270
00:13:30,056 --> 00:13:31,390
Are you here visiting somebody?
271
00:13:31,474 --> 00:13:33,391
No, I'm just here with
a friend of mine, Roz.
272
00:13:33,475 --> 00:13:37,075
-She's doing some community service.
-Oh, the Angel of Death. Nice gal.
273
00:13:39,397 --> 00:13:43,899
You know, I remember one day
I was listening to your program,
274
00:13:43,983 --> 00:13:45,901
and it was right after my wife died,
275
00:13:45,985 --> 00:13:48,321
and I was going through
kind of a rough patch…
276
00:13:48,405 --> 00:13:50,739
You told this guy who was
going through the same thing
277
00:13:50,823 --> 00:13:54,326
that he should keep pictures of his
wife around to help with the transition.
278
00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:55,826
That was a good idea.
279
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,911
So you started keeping pictures with you?
280
00:13:57,995 --> 00:14:00,830
Well, that wouldn't make
much sense, now would it?
281
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:02,832
Well, no. Well, what did you do?
282
00:14:02,916 --> 00:14:05,585
Well, I remembered, when we were dating,
283
00:14:05,669 --> 00:14:09,463
Helen made this life
mask of herself for art class,
284
00:14:09,547 --> 00:14:11,881
and I had my daughter
dig through the attic,
285
00:14:11,965 --> 00:14:15,593
and, lo and behold, she found it.
286
00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:19,554
This is the way she looked when we met.
287
00:14:19,638 --> 00:14:21,765
-Isn't she beautiful?
-Oh, yes.
288
00:14:21,849 --> 00:14:23,265
NORMAN: So you were right.
289
00:14:23,349 --> 00:14:25,476
Every night, before I fall asleep,
290
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,686
I run my fingers over
Helen's beautiful face,
291
00:14:27,770 --> 00:14:31,020
and it takes me back to all those
wonderful years we had together.
292
00:14:31,356 --> 00:14:33,817
It made a world of difference.
293
00:14:34,151 --> 00:14:37,027
I wanna thank you. You really helped me.
294
00:14:37,111 --> 00:14:39,404
You have no idea how
nice it is to hear that.
295
00:14:39,488 --> 00:14:40,654
[BEEPING]
296
00:14:40,738 --> 00:14:41,947
Would you excuse me?
297
00:14:42,031 --> 00:14:45,242
It's time for me to take
one of my many pills.
298
00:14:45,326 --> 00:14:48,203
-Make yourself at home.
-Thank you.
299
00:15:08,053 --> 00:15:09,345
[CRACKS]
300
00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:13,891
-What was that?
-Nothing. Nothing.
301
00:15:13,975 --> 00:15:17,143
-I just knocked your ashtray over.
-Well, I hope it wasn't damaged.
302
00:15:17,227 --> 00:15:19,187
My grandson made that
for me at summer camp.
303
00:15:19,271 --> 00:15:21,897
Oh, no, it's intact. Not the tiniest chip.
304
00:15:21,981 --> 00:15:24,817
Oh, good. Set it back on the table.
305
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:28,027
You know how attached
you get to family things.
306
00:15:28,111 --> 00:15:32,072
-Do you have children, Dr. Crane?
-Well, yes.
307
00:15:32,156 --> 00:15:33,824
Dr. Crane, are you on the floor?
308
00:15:34,783 --> 00:15:36,869
I was just tying my shoelace.
309
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:41,330
Yes, yes, I have a son.
I'd much rather hear about your family.
310
00:15:41,414 --> 00:15:43,915
Well, I got four sons and one daughter.
311
00:15:43,999 --> 00:15:47,335
You wouldn't happen to be single now
by any chance, would you, Dr. Crane?
312
00:15:47,419 --> 00:15:49,629
As a matter of fact, I am.
313
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,799
So is my daughter.
I'll tell you about her first.
314
00:15:53,883 --> 00:15:56,175
She's a sweet thing. Beautiful too.
315
00:15:56,259 --> 00:16:01,305
Just like her mother.
Same cheekbones, same nose.
316
00:16:03,933 --> 00:16:07,185
And what a lovely nose it is.
317
00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:12,105
So there are four of us in the raft,
318
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,066
and I see we're heading
into a patch of white water.
319
00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:18,819
Suddenly, we slam into a
rock, and the next thing I know,
320
00:16:18,903 --> 00:16:21,405
my teeth are flying
into the Colorado River.
321
00:16:22,657 --> 00:16:24,615
I damned near dived in after them.
322
00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:27,702
Those teeth cost more than the whole trip.
323
00:16:29,245 --> 00:16:32,080
-You've had quite a life.
-I suppose.
324
00:16:32,164 --> 00:16:36,584
Never got arrested, though.
Oh, good for you.
325
00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:38,627
It wasn't so great.
326
00:16:38,711 --> 00:16:41,045
You know, it was the first
time I ever got pulled over
327
00:16:41,129 --> 00:16:43,131
and couldn't flirt my way past it.
328
00:16:43,215 --> 00:16:47,551
Oh, that's almost as bad as the
first time somebody calls you ma'am.
329
00:16:47,635 --> 00:16:49,761
That happened the other day.
330
00:16:49,845 --> 00:16:52,054
It's been kind of a rough week.
331
00:16:52,138 --> 00:16:54,307
I bet I know just what you're thinking.
332
00:16:55,058 --> 00:16:58,769
"This is only the beginning.
It's only gonna get worse from here."
333
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,770
Well, yeah.
334
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,231
Let me tell you something.
335
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,983
I'm 81 now.
336
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:08,152
And every morning, I open my eyes,
337
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,612
and I see the sun streaming
through the window.
338
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,198
I hear the birds chirping.
339
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,657
I smell the coffee brewing down the hall.
340
00:17:15,741 --> 00:17:20,578
And I walk into the bathroom,
and I look into the mirror.
341
00:17:20,662 --> 00:17:24,457
-Do you know what I say to myself?
-What?
342
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:25,791
[SCREAMS]
343
00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:35,007
What the hell is that?
344
00:17:35,091 --> 00:17:37,968
That's the second thing I say.
345
00:17:39,845 --> 00:17:46,475
The point is, it is only gonna get
worse from where you are right now.
346
00:17:46,559 --> 00:17:47,976
What did you want me to say?
347
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:51,313
Life gets better with every passing year?
348
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,272
You wanna hear that, you
go talk to Mrs. Adelman.
349
00:17:54,356 --> 00:17:56,441
You can't miss her.
She's the one in the TV room
350
00:17:56,525 --> 00:18:00,361
with the inflatable
seahorse around her waist.
351
00:18:02,572 --> 00:18:05,115
Well, you're not making
me feel any better, Moira.
352
00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:06,366
Because I can't.
353
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:11,746
Nobody likes to get older, but it
doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself.
354
00:18:12,455 --> 00:18:14,290
I'll tell you a funny story.
355
00:18:14,665 --> 00:18:19,126
Last Thursday, I hacked
into the main computer here
356
00:18:19,210 --> 00:18:21,212
and changed the schedule.
357
00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:26,759
So now I get all my
sponge baths from Eduardo.
358
00:18:30,136 --> 00:18:31,637
You're kidding me.
359
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:34,180
Look, you're way too young
to be concerned about all this.
360
00:18:34,264 --> 00:18:36,140
Don't waste the best years of your life
361
00:18:36,224 --> 00:18:38,643
worrying about
something you can't control.
362
00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:41,353
I know. I know you're right.
363
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:44,189
You know, I wouldn't care about
getting older if I thought my mind
364
00:18:44,273 --> 00:18:45,773
was gonna be as sharp as yours is.
365
00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:47,442
Sharp?
366
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:49,944
I'll tell you a funny story.
367
00:18:50,028 --> 00:18:53,363
Last Thursday, I hacked
into the main computer here
368
00:18:53,447 --> 00:18:55,115
and changed the schedule,
369
00:18:55,199 --> 00:18:59,535
and now I get all my
sponge baths from Eduardo.
370
00:19:04,873 --> 00:19:08,166
With the exception of not being
able to watch Willie Mays steal second,
371
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,669
or Michael Jordan on a breakaway dunk,
372
00:19:10,753 --> 00:19:13,214
not a whole lot I feel
like I missed out on.
373
00:19:13,838 --> 00:19:16,716
Listen, have you got any glue around here?
374
00:19:17,258 --> 00:19:18,801
I don't think so. Why?
375
00:19:18,885 --> 00:19:21,595
Well, the onyx has
popped out of my cuff link,
376
00:19:21,679 --> 00:19:24,180
and I was just hoping I
might be able to reaffix it.
377
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,266
The closest thing I have is
denture adhesive. It's on the dresser.
378
00:19:27,350 --> 00:19:30,977
Oh, good, good. Well, it's worth a try.
379
00:19:31,061 --> 00:19:34,522
Oh, these pills may keep me alive,
but they sure don't keep me awake.
380
00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:36,481
-You find it?
-Yes.
381
00:19:36,565 --> 00:19:40,820
Yes, you know, I think
this just might do the trick.
382
00:19:42,195 --> 00:19:44,363
You know, the worst part about all this
383
00:19:44,447 --> 00:19:46,824
is I used to be the kind of
person who never got tired.
384
00:19:46,908 --> 00:19:49,618
Well, you know, then, perhaps
maybe we should take a brisk walk.
385
00:19:49,702 --> 00:19:52,412
-Get that old circulation going.
-No, that's okay.
386
00:19:52,496 --> 00:19:54,247
It's close to my bedtime anyway.
387
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,336
Seems like you have a visitor, Norman.
388
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:03,130
Come in.
389
00:20:05,047 --> 00:20:06,590
Come in.
390
00:20:07,258 --> 00:20:11,928
It's probably Mrs. Adelman. She was
an Avon lady before she lost her mind.
391
00:20:13,555 --> 00:20:17,390
Well, you know…
My goodness, that is a smashing robe.
392
00:20:17,474 --> 00:20:19,017
I'm in the market for one like it.
393
00:20:19,101 --> 00:20:20,852
Stand up. Maybe I can read the label.
394
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:22,486
Come over here and have a look.
395
00:20:24,147 --> 00:20:26,023
I seem to be sitting on something.
396
00:20:26,107 --> 00:20:28,066
Oh, my cuff link.
397
00:20:29,234 --> 00:20:33,988
All right, you know, here, I'll just
place it back in here carefully and…
398
00:20:36,741 --> 00:20:38,825
Well, there we go. Good as new.
399
00:20:38,909 --> 00:20:40,826
Yes, well, Norman,
400
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:44,121
I can't tell you what a nice time
it's been spending a day with you.
401
00:20:44,205 --> 00:20:47,165
-It was nice of you to drop by.
-My pleasure.
402
00:20:47,249 --> 00:20:48,708
Oh, you're over there.
403
00:20:48,792 --> 00:20:52,169
Well, yeah, I was just
having one last look at Helen.
404
00:20:52,253 --> 00:20:55,506
Isn't she beautiful?
Such delicate features.
405
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:57,507
They certainly are.
406
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,762
Well, Norman,
407
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,637
it was a real pleasure.
408
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:06,390
-I hope you keep listening to my show.
-I sure will.
409
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:09,016
You're a good man.
410
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:12,479
Not a lot of people left
with your kind of integrity.
411
00:21:25,197 --> 00:21:26,865
Norman
412
00:21:28,033 --> 00:21:30,367
I have a little confession to make.
413
00:21:30,826 --> 00:21:32,661
I didn't…
414
00:21:32,745 --> 00:21:35,289
I didn't drop your ashtray.
I dropped the mask.
415
00:21:35,748 --> 00:21:37,248
And the nose broke off.
416
00:21:37,916 --> 00:21:39,291
I feel just terrible.
417
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,627
Oh, that's why you needed
my denture adhesive.
418
00:21:41,711 --> 00:21:43,920
-Yes.
-Well, usually it works pretty well.
419
00:21:44,004 --> 00:21:46,673
I must've dropped that mask ten times.
420
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:50,301
I am blind, you know.
421
00:21:53,762 --> 00:21:55,512
Certainly is a relief to hear that.
422
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:59,892
Well, you know, I'd better get out of
here before I do any further damage.
423
00:22:00,226 --> 00:22:01,977
It was great meeting you.
424
00:22:02,061 --> 00:22:03,854
Want me to leave the light on or off?
425
00:22:03,938 --> 00:22:05,688
Surprise me.