1 00:00:02,173 --> 00:00:04,174 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,762 --> 00:00:13,223 My eight-year-old son is visiting me this week, and he asked specifically 3 00:00:13,307 --> 00:00:16,017 if I could arrange a tour of the Microsoft complex. 4 00:00:16,226 --> 00:00:18,520 I was wondering what your policy is on… 5 00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,646 I'm sorry to hear that. 6 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,481 You know, I don't often trade on my celebrity status, 7 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:27,026 but does the name Frasier Crane mean anything to you? 8 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,696 I'm sorry to hear that. 9 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,614 Well, you know, it's entirely possible 10 00:00:32,781 --> 00:00:36,575 that one day a relative of yours may wish to tour my workplace… 11 00:00:36,742 --> 00:00:40,621 It's a radio station. Oh, forget it! 12 00:00:40,705 --> 00:00:42,830 …even been close, that would be one thing. 13 00:00:42,914 --> 00:00:46,459 -But I beat that tag by a mile. A mile. -Calm down, slugger. It's all right. 14 00:00:46,543 --> 00:00:48,502 -A mile! -I take it you lost the game. 15 00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:51,796 No, we won the game, but Roz got kicked out for arguing with the ump. 16 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,424 She kicked dirt on his shoes, chest-butted him, 17 00:00:54,632 --> 00:00:57,468 almost took a bite out of his finger when he stuck it in her face. 18 00:00:57,552 --> 00:01:00,137 You can't coach that kind of thing. 19 00:01:00,929 --> 00:01:05,474 All right, there's a guy on second, one guy's out, I drive one to the gap. 20 00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:07,893 The throw to the cut-off man is late, our guy's safe, 21 00:01:07,977 --> 00:01:11,687 I try to stretch it to a double. I make a beautiful hook slide right under the tag. 22 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:12,855 How can I be out? 23 00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:16,567 I'm still trying to understand why you drove to the Gap during the game. 24 00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:21,570 Look, I'm gonna go work on the lineup for Saturday's game. 25 00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:24,854 -You know, I love being in charge. -Oh, can I play second base? 26 00:01:24,949 --> 00:01:26,449 No. Liz Budner's playing second. 27 00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:29,536 Liz Budner? Why? What can she do that I can't? 28 00:01:29,745 --> 00:01:32,246 It's what she will do that you won't. 29 00:01:33,831 --> 00:01:39,043 Oh, Roz. Listen, didn't you used to date some executive at Microsoft? 30 00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:42,046 Scott Blankman. 31 00:01:42,212 --> 00:01:43,922 Talk about your messy break-ups. 32 00:01:44,089 --> 00:01:46,717 Even after I dumped the guy, he kept calling me. 33 00:01:46,925 --> 00:01:48,175 At first, he'd make excuses: 34 00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:50,344 "Sorry, I hit the wrong button on my speed dial." 35 00:01:50,428 --> 00:01:52,680 Then he gave up the pretense and there'd be sobbing 36 00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,764 -on the other end of the line. -Oh, God. 37 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:58,768 I finally said, "Scott, I never, ever want to talk to you again." 38 00:01:58,934 --> 00:02:01,334 -Why do you ask? -I'd like you give him a call. 39 00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:04,105 -What? -Frederick's coming to visit this week. 40 00:02:04,189 --> 00:02:06,482 The only thing he asked for was a tour of Microsoft. 41 00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:09,943 I sort of already, well, promised that I could arrange it. 42 00:02:10,027 --> 00:02:11,987 Frasier, you're asking me to call a man 43 00:02:12,154 --> 00:02:14,156 who camped outside my apartment building 44 00:02:14,323 --> 00:02:15,781 and held a big sign up that said: 45 00:02:15,865 --> 00:02:18,910 -"Roz Doyle is afraid to love." -Okay, I understand. 46 00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:21,369 I just thought you'd be more sympathetic, that's all. 47 00:02:21,453 --> 00:02:22,788 I can't. 48 00:02:22,954 --> 00:02:26,248 I do recall a story you told me not long ago 49 00:02:26,332 --> 00:02:30,168 about a young girl living in Wisconsin, who wanted desperately for her mother 50 00:02:30,252 --> 00:02:33,546 to drive her to Chicago to see Bobby Sherman open a shopping mall. 51 00:02:34,214 --> 00:02:36,633 But her mother was just too busy. 52 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,216 What did that girl do that night? 53 00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:41,678 She cried herself to sleep on her little Bobby Sherman pillow. 54 00:02:43,721 --> 00:02:45,807 I hate you. 55 00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:52,145 [DOORBELL CHIMES] 56 00:02:53,146 --> 00:02:55,522 -FRASIER: Niles. -Good morning. Is Frederick up yet? 57 00:02:55,606 --> 00:02:58,275 He went out with his grandfather for an early morning walk. 58 00:02:58,359 --> 00:03:00,359 I went through my old albums this morning 59 00:03:00,443 --> 00:03:02,528 and found photos of us when we were Frederick's age. 60 00:03:02,612 --> 00:03:04,946 -Oh, Lord. -Thought he might find them amusing. 61 00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:09,493 Oh, here. There we are, all dressed up, ready for our first Cub Scout hike. 62 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:10,743 And last. 63 00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:14,539 Yes, well, we didn't exactly endear ourselves to the pack. 64 00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:16,122 All the other kids had knapsacks, 65 00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:19,167 we showed up with those monogrammed train cases. 66 00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:23,211 Niles, refresh my memory. Why are we wearing plastic snouts 67 00:03:23,295 --> 00:03:25,464 and a tiny little wading pool around our waists? 68 00:03:25,548 --> 00:03:27,715 You've forgotten. That Halloween we went as the Bay of Pigs. 69 00:03:27,799 --> 00:03:30,718 FRASIER: [CHUCKLES] Ah. 70 00:03:30,802 --> 00:03:32,427 As I recall, nobody got it. 71 00:03:32,886 --> 00:03:36,765 I finally had to take to telling that we were Swine Lake. 72 00:03:36,932 --> 00:03:38,599 They didn't get that either. 73 00:03:39,892 --> 00:03:42,353 -That was a long evening. -Yeah. 74 00:03:42,645 --> 00:03:45,188 So, what do you have in store for Frederick this visit? 75 00:03:45,272 --> 00:03:47,440 We're gonna go whale-watching, the planetarium, 76 00:03:47,524 --> 00:03:49,983 and Roz is helping me arrange a tour of Microsoft. 77 00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,194 It's the one thing Freddie specifically requested. 78 00:03:52,278 --> 00:03:53,987 Someone's running for Dad of the Year. 79 00:03:54,071 --> 00:03:55,738 Yes, well, you know how it is. 80 00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:57,740 I don't get to see him as often as I'd like. 81 00:03:57,824 --> 00:04:01,076 Memories of this trip will have to last until the next one. 82 00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:03,662 Can you blame me for wanting it to be perfect? 83 00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:05,921 -Hi, Dad. -FRASIER: Oh, hello, Freddie. 84 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,707 Dad, did Grandpa ever tell you the story how he captured 85 00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:11,042 four bank robbers with just a nightstick? 86 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,544 No. He did tell me how he captured two bank robbers 87 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:16,463 with just a revolver, his partner and a SWAT team. 88 00:04:16,672 --> 00:04:18,757 -They got there later. -FRASIER: Well… 89 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:21,176 -Hello, Uncle Niles. -NILES: Hello, Frederick. 90 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,595 My, aren't you getting big. 91 00:04:23,803 --> 00:04:26,931 I'm the same exact size I was the last time you saw me. 92 00:04:27,015 --> 00:04:31,310 Well, your mother's cooking will do that for a growing boy. 93 00:04:32,185 --> 00:04:34,686 -Are we going to Microsoft today? -Well, Freddie, 94 00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:37,773 I thought we'd go by the radio station. I could show you where I work. 95 00:04:37,857 --> 00:04:39,565 -That'll be fun, won't it? -Yes. 96 00:04:39,649 --> 00:04:43,028 -When are we going to Microsoft? -Well, Saturday. 97 00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:44,528 FREDERICK: Excellent. 98 00:04:44,737 --> 00:04:47,531 -Hey, good morning, Dr. Crane. -Good morning, Daphne. 99 00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:51,576 -Hi, Daphne. -Hello, Frederick. 100 00:04:51,743 --> 00:04:54,161 Tell your dad what you saw in the park with Eddie. 101 00:04:54,245 --> 00:04:57,039 Hi, Daphne. 102 00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:00,750 -Frederick's my boyfriend. -Oh, really. 103 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:04,045 I got a present for you. Wait here. 104 00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:06,713 That's so cute. He's got a crush on you. 105 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,176 Yes, he spent the entire evening sitting on Daphne's lap, watching TV. 106 00:05:12,134 --> 00:05:14,011 Really. 107 00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:18,806 And this morning I heard this soft little knocking at my door, 108 00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:23,310 and it was Frederick, asking if he could climb into bed with me. 109 00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:25,354 Really. 110 00:05:27,064 --> 00:05:30,816 -It's for you. -DAPHNE: Oh, well, isn't this lovely. 111 00:05:30,983 --> 00:05:33,944 Look, here's Frederick. And here I am. 112 00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:36,988 -And what are we doing? -Getting married. 113 00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:39,949 Really. 114 00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:43,577 DAPHNE: Come on, Frederick, let's go hang this on the fridge. 115 00:05:43,661 --> 00:05:45,078 FREDERICK: Okay. 116 00:05:45,828 --> 00:05:47,705 Do you think it's healthy for a little boy 117 00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:50,582 to be so obsessed with a woman he can't possibly have? 118 00:05:50,832 --> 00:05:54,044 Niles, have you actually sunk so low as to be jealous of him? 119 00:05:54,503 --> 00:05:56,712 No, I'm not jealous. I'm just a bit… 120 00:05:56,879 --> 00:05:59,423 Well, maybe envious. 121 00:06:00,007 --> 00:06:02,550 That's ridiculous. What have you got to be envious of? 122 00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:05,971 -DAPHNE: Hold on! -FREDERICK: Wee! 123 00:06:08,764 --> 00:06:11,058 Wee! 124 00:06:17,896 --> 00:06:20,649 And this is the booth where it all happens. 125 00:06:20,816 --> 00:06:23,484 -Very impressive. -Well… 126 00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:27,029 This is the talk back button here, if I want to talk to Roz, 127 00:06:27,196 --> 00:06:29,196 the cough button if I want to mute the mic. 128 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,616 This button here is very special. It sends a death ray 129 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,451 shooting from the phone of any caller who annoys me. 130 00:06:35,035 --> 00:06:36,620 You wish. 131 00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:38,872 Yes, I do. 132 00:06:38,956 --> 00:06:41,624 Well, okay, Roz, what have we done to ourselves today? 133 00:06:41,708 --> 00:06:44,376 Well, we went out last night to celebrate our big win. 134 00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:46,002 -Ah. -ROZ: Had a few margaritas. 135 00:06:46,086 --> 00:06:49,047 Someone started a conga line. I wasn't gonna get in it. 136 00:06:49,214 --> 00:06:51,798 I think Gary, our shortstop, got on the end of the line. 137 00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:55,177 That man has a butt that makes you wanna reach out with both hands 138 00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:58,680 and give Freddie a great big Seattle hug. 139 00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:00,598 -Good save, Roz. -ROZ: Thank you. 140 00:07:00,682 --> 00:07:03,016 -I don't believe you've met Bulldog. -Hey, kid. 141 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,937 -Why are you called Bulldog? -People just always call me that. 142 00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:08,271 But why? 143 00:07:10,023 --> 00:07:11,774 -I don't know. -Well, all right, Bulldog. 144 00:07:11,858 --> 00:07:14,567 -Roz and I have a show to prepare for. -No, no. Wait a minute. 145 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,654 This is important. Why do people call me Bulldog? 146 00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:19,112 There has to be a reason. 147 00:07:19,196 --> 00:07:20,364 [BULLDOG BARKS] 148 00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,908 This is gonna drive me nuts. 149 00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:26,285 Who's subbing for me in Saturday's game? 150 00:07:26,369 --> 00:07:28,537 We gotta have a ninth body out there or we forfeit. 151 00:07:28,621 --> 00:07:32,332 -Oh, right. How about Mindy Guthrie? -Eight months pregnant. 152 00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:37,170 July, August, September, October, November, December… 153 00:07:40,797 --> 00:07:43,841 Anyway, you better find somebody. And speaking of bad news, Frasier, 154 00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:45,676 I finally got a call from Scott Blankman… 155 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,844 Roz… Frederick, talk with Bulldog for a minute. 156 00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:50,389 -I have to discuss something with Roz. -FREDERICK: Okay. 157 00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:51,890 Oh, yeah, no problem. 158 00:07:55,477 --> 00:07:58,019 Oh, hey. In a little while I'm gonna bring in my cart. 159 00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,898 -You can hit the gong. -Why? 160 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:04,442 It's loud. I make a lot of loud noises in my show. 161 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,944 -Why? -I don't know. 162 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,362 Boy, I'm starting to get a headache. 163 00:08:09,446 --> 00:08:12,281 If you need a softball player, why don't you use my dad. 164 00:08:12,365 --> 00:08:14,325 Oh, yeah, right. 165 00:08:14,909 --> 00:08:16,410 Isn't he good? 166 00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:21,081 Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's great. He is the best, you know. 167 00:08:21,247 --> 00:08:24,208 I wish he could play, but I think your dad's busy Saturday. 168 00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:27,669 -He's taking me to Microsoft. -Yeah, right. 169 00:08:27,836 --> 00:08:31,755 Man, I wish he could play, because if he were playing, we'd win for sure. 170 00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:33,883 I'm sorry, Frasier. That's all I can do. 171 00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:36,468 Scott quit Microsoft right after we broke up. 172 00:08:37,135 --> 00:08:39,513 Well, I don't look forward to telling Frederick. 173 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,346 He'll be so disappointed. 174 00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:45,130 Well, you know, if he wants a tour of a seminary, I've got an in there now. 175 00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:49,938 I don't know. I give up. 176 00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:51,481 Abraham Lincoln. 177 00:08:51,647 --> 00:08:54,858 What school did you go to? 178 00:08:56,151 --> 00:08:57,527 Frederick… 179 00:08:57,693 --> 00:09:01,114 FREDERICK: Dad, I don't wanna go to Microsoft anymore. 180 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,116 -You don't? -Oh, hey. Yes, he does. Wait a minute. 181 00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:06,701 What kind of boy wouldn't wanna spend a day at Microsoft? 182 00:09:06,785 --> 00:09:11,580 Stay out of this. Now, listen. Frederick, you know, this is your vacation. 183 00:09:11,747 --> 00:09:13,539 You are the boss. Whatever you say goes. 184 00:09:13,623 --> 00:09:16,584 Great. I wanna see you play in the softball game. 185 00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:19,461 -What? -You could take Roz's place. 186 00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:21,921 Well, you know, as much as I'd love to play softball, 187 00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:24,007 I really don't think that Bulldog wants me to. 188 00:09:24,091 --> 00:09:27,009 Yes, he does. He said you were the best. Right? 189 00:09:27,176 --> 00:09:29,595 That's what I said. 190 00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:33,348 -Well, thank you, Bulldog. -So you'll play? 191 00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:37,257 -Well, I don't see how I can refuse. -Great. I can't wait to tell Daphne. 192 00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:40,103 Yes, well, speaking of Daphne, while you're waiting for Daphne, 193 00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:43,272 why don't you go on out, get yourself a candy bar out of the machine. 194 00:09:43,356 --> 00:09:45,232 Mother says candy rots tooth enamel. 195 00:09:45,316 --> 00:09:48,416 Yes, well, chew on the side of your mouth. Rot your baby teeth. 196 00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,321 What do you think you're doing, telling him I'm a good softball player? 197 00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:55,032 Trying to be nice. You want me to tell him you're a big lame-o? 198 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,826 -No, I don't. -Hey, look, I know how tough it is 199 00:09:57,993 --> 00:10:01,705 when you're a kid and you find out your dad's not as great as you thought. 200 00:10:01,872 --> 00:10:05,374 Look, I was about Frederick's age when… 201 00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,793 Well, I came home. My mom was out 202 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,910 and I caught my dad with another woman. 203 00:10:11,671 --> 00:10:14,673 -Oh, Bulldog, I'm sorry. -No, no. No, wait. 204 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,217 You haven't heard the bad part yet. 205 00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:20,219 She was ugly, Doc. 206 00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:24,432 I mean, coyote ugly. My own dad. 207 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,974 And the best excuse he could come up with was: 208 00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:30,769 "Hey, you don't look at the mantel when you're poking the fire." 209 00:10:33,314 --> 00:10:36,816 Hey! I just got that. 210 00:10:42,321 --> 00:10:45,991 I just keep thinking back to that time when Dad made us try Little League. 211 00:10:46,158 --> 00:10:47,574 I'll never forget the humiliation 212 00:10:47,658 --> 00:10:50,453 of getting up to bat for the first time in my life, 213 00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:52,913 hearing the other team all cry out: 214 00:10:53,079 --> 00:10:56,541 "Move in, everybody. Crane's up." 215 00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,918 But they moved back out again after you took your first swing. 216 00:11:00,002 --> 00:11:02,588 Only because the bat flew out of my hands. 217 00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:05,590 You worry too much. 218 00:11:05,757 --> 00:11:08,384 Your co-workers aren't expecting you to play brilliantly. 219 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,010 No, I can live with playing badly in front of my co-workers. 220 00:11:11,094 --> 00:11:13,180 It's Frederick I'm worried about. 221 00:11:13,347 --> 00:11:16,181 He's still at that age where he thinks his father can do anything. 222 00:11:16,265 --> 00:11:18,392 Every child, at some point, must discover 223 00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:20,768 -that his father is not a superhero. -I know. 224 00:11:20,852 --> 00:11:23,062 It's a healthy part of the developmental process. 225 00:11:23,146 --> 00:11:25,939 I know someday he's gonna have to learn that I'm not perfect. 226 00:11:26,023 --> 00:11:28,692 It's just… I was hoping it might be something less humiliating, 227 00:11:28,776 --> 00:11:32,070 like seeing me fast-dance at a family wedding. 228 00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:36,032 -You consider that less humiliating? -Well… 229 00:11:36,199 --> 00:11:38,242 Hello. Look who's here. 230 00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:40,410 You two have fun while I was at work? 231 00:11:40,494 --> 00:11:42,287 -Yes. -Oh, yes. 232 00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:45,122 We went to the amusement park. We had a lovely time. 233 00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,708 Only, I think the Ferris wheel scared him a bit. 234 00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:50,877 He spent the whole ride hugging me for dear life. 235 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,004 Really. 236 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,215 Her hair smells like strawberry. 237 00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:00,426 It smells like peach blossoms, lavender and vanilla. 238 00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,471 From over here, at least. 239 00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:08,683 Uncle Niles, are you coming to watch my dad play in the softball game? 240 00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:11,768 -He's the best one on the team. -Well, of course I am, Freddie. 241 00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:14,855 I'll be there sitting right between you and Daphne. 242 00:12:15,522 --> 00:12:18,149 Well, come on, Frederick. Let's go get some hot chocolate. 243 00:12:18,233 --> 00:12:19,442 FREDERICK: Okay. 244 00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:22,653 -So you see the problem. -I certainly do. 245 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:24,780 No, that's your problem. 246 00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:28,407 My problem is that I promised Frederick I would play on Saturday. 247 00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:30,117 Guess I'm left with only one choice. 248 00:12:30,201 --> 00:12:32,243 -You're gonna fake an injury? -No, course not. 249 00:12:32,327 --> 00:12:34,787 -I've got to learn how to play softball. -In two days? 250 00:12:34,871 --> 00:12:36,998 Well, back in college, when Stu Oberfeld got sick, 251 00:12:37,082 --> 00:12:39,958 I learned the role of Mercutio in a day and a half. I was brilliant. 252 00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:43,127 In the dueling scene, the audience was on the edge of their seats. 253 00:12:43,211 --> 00:12:46,589 Yes, and they were under them when the sword flew out of your hands. 254 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:56,138 FRASIER: Gee, Dad, I wanna thank you for helping me out with this. 255 00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:59,683 MARTIN: Don't mention it. We're gonna whip you right into shape. 256 00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,267 It must have been disappointing 257 00:13:01,351 --> 00:13:03,603 I never took any interest in this sort of thing as a kid. 258 00:13:03,687 --> 00:13:05,087 MARTIN: Well, I understood. 259 00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:08,023 Guess it's a little complex I must have developed 260 00:13:08,107 --> 00:13:11,818 when I was growing up. The doorbell would ring, I'd run to answer it, 261 00:13:12,027 --> 00:13:15,905 and then there'd be the neighborhood kids with their baseball gloves 262 00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:19,450 and their bats, looking for somebody else to join their game. 263 00:13:19,616 --> 00:13:22,869 They'd say, "Hey, can your dad come out and play?" 264 00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:26,831 Well, never mind that. You know, it's kind of fun to finally be out here. 265 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:32,626 At the risk of sounding like Stanley cornering Blanche Dubois in Streetcar, 266 00:13:32,793 --> 00:13:35,337 "We've had this date with each other from the very beginning." 267 00:13:35,421 --> 00:13:37,006 I knew you'd ruin it. 268 00:13:37,173 --> 00:13:39,591 All right, come on. Put your helmet on. 269 00:13:40,258 --> 00:13:42,718 -FRASIER: Gee, it's kind of tight. -Well, it's supposed to. 270 00:13:42,802 --> 00:13:44,595 It stops you from getting hurt. 271 00:13:44,762 --> 00:13:48,015 MARTIN: Okay? Here, all right. There you go. 272 00:13:48,182 --> 00:13:49,974 Now… 273 00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,394 Take your bat, get into the stance, just like I told you. 274 00:13:53,478 --> 00:13:55,604 I'm gonna turn the machine on. 275 00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:59,107 The good thing about these balls is that they're all at the same level, 276 00:13:59,191 --> 00:14:02,109 so you can work on your form and your timing. All right? 277 00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,570 Okay, now, here we go. 278 00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:06,905 Ah! 279 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:10,367 What is that? A pitching machine or a particle accelerator? 280 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,411 All right, all right. I'll crank it down to a lower setting. 281 00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:16,330 Okay, now, just remember, 282 00:14:16,537 --> 00:14:20,416 left elbow in, right elbow up, knees bent. 283 00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,625 All the weight on the balls of your feet, okay? 284 00:14:22,709 --> 00:14:25,796 Now, just step into the pitch. 285 00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:30,257 Oh, yeah, and swing the bat. 286 00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:32,384 Dad, can't you just slow it down a little bit? 287 00:14:32,468 --> 00:14:35,303 All right, but if any of the other fathers come back here, 288 00:14:35,387 --> 00:14:37,237 I'm taking it off the peewee setting. 289 00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:39,973 Okay. All right. Now, from the hips. 290 00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:42,142 Nice and easy. Don't try to kill it. 291 00:14:42,309 --> 00:14:45,269 Just try to make contact. Okay, you ready? 292 00:14:46,062 --> 00:14:47,814 Ready. 293 00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,527 What are you looking at? Dad, they're looking at me. 294 00:14:54,611 --> 00:14:56,028 Get out of here. Go on. 295 00:14:56,278 --> 00:14:57,988 Buzz off! 296 00:15:07,287 --> 00:15:10,373 FRASIER: Did you hear that? Hear that? I touched it that time. I did. 297 00:15:10,457 --> 00:15:12,917 No, it didn't. That was my knee cracking. 298 00:15:13,084 --> 00:15:14,626 You're doing a lot better, though. 299 00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:18,410 Six in a row without hitting yourself in the kidney on your follow-through. 300 00:15:18,547 --> 00:15:20,631 Who am I kidding? This is hopeless. 301 00:15:20,715 --> 00:15:23,300 Oh, well. Well, why don't we just try changing bats. 302 00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:25,344 I couldn't hit it if I had a sofa cushion. 303 00:15:25,428 --> 00:15:29,431 All right, so softball's not your game. It's no big deal. 304 00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:33,434 -MARTIN: Freddie will understand that. -FRASIER: I suppose in time he will. 305 00:15:33,518 --> 00:15:35,269 It's just that… Ow, ow, ow, ow. 306 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:43,234 No boy ever forgets the first time he learns that his dad isn't perfect. 307 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,819 It's not what I wanted him to take away with him on this trip. 308 00:15:46,903 --> 00:15:49,948 -Anyway, thanks for your help. -Oh, don't mention it. 309 00:15:50,573 --> 00:15:52,867 So, Frasier… 310 00:15:53,826 --> 00:15:55,743 -What was it for you? -Huh? 311 00:15:55,952 --> 00:15:57,454 Well, you know, I mean, 312 00:15:57,871 --> 00:16:01,290 when you first found out that I was less than perfect. 313 00:16:02,374 --> 00:16:03,417 I don't know. 314 00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:06,878 Well, I thought you said a kid never forgets the first time. 315 00:16:07,044 --> 00:16:09,755 -Maybe it was no one time. -Oh, so it was a lot of times? 316 00:16:09,839 --> 00:16:12,007 No. I'm not very comfortable talking about it… 317 00:16:12,091 --> 00:16:14,759 Well, why? You're not gonna hurt my feelings. I'm just curious. 318 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,470 All right, all right. 319 00:16:17,137 --> 00:16:19,430 Back in third grade. 320 00:16:19,597 --> 00:16:23,475 You took me and some of the boys from the math club out for pizza. 321 00:16:25,226 --> 00:16:27,395 When the check came… 322 00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,398 You couldn't figure out the tip in your head. 323 00:16:32,608 --> 00:16:34,109 I can't do math in my head? 324 00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:37,361 -That's your big disappointment? -Well, it was at the time. 325 00:16:37,612 --> 00:16:40,822 Well, I wonder if I can calculate in my head how many hits you got today. 326 00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:43,325 Let me think. Oh, zero! 327 00:16:43,492 --> 00:16:46,076 Fine! Fine, Dad, get defensive. I was 8 years old. 328 00:16:46,243 --> 00:16:48,843 Eight. That's the one shaped like the snowman, right? 329 00:16:49,038 --> 00:16:51,247 I'm sorry I even brought it up. God. 330 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,709 Guess I'm gonna have to bite the bullet, 331 00:16:55,793 --> 00:17:00,380 sit Frederick down on Saturday before the game and tell him the truth. 332 00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:06,331 Not a conversation I'm looking forward to, but I should prepare him for the fact 333 00:17:06,719 --> 00:17:10,347 his daddy's not gonna be hitting any grand slams on Saturday. 334 00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,849 Or am I? Wait. 335 00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:16,227 -A grand slam is… -You aren't. 336 00:17:18,478 --> 00:17:22,440 Well, anyway, I suppose that one consolation is, you know, 337 00:17:22,607 --> 00:17:25,108 as disappointed as I was with you after the pizza incident, 338 00:17:25,192 --> 00:17:28,487 yet here we are, all these years later, out in a batting cage. 339 00:17:28,654 --> 00:17:31,321 Yeah, that's right. Come on, I'll get us a couple of beers. 340 00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:32,698 -FRASIER: Thanks, Dad. -Okay. 341 00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,951 And how many of these shiny things… 342 00:17:36,117 --> 00:17:38,245 FRASIER: Oh, shut up. 343 00:17:40,287 --> 00:17:41,789 [DOORBELL CHIMES] 344 00:17:42,289 --> 00:17:46,084 -Hello, Niles. -You look like an authentic jock. 345 00:17:46,334 --> 00:17:48,962 I'm half tempted to hand over my lunch money. 346 00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:53,298 Is that your idea of appropriate baseball-watching attire? 347 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,717 Obviously you failed to detect the subtle diamond pattern in my tie. 348 00:17:56,801 --> 00:17:58,135 Oh. 349 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:04,432 So how did your little talk go with Frederick? 350 00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:08,394 Well, I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. 351 00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:12,105 As a father, you go to any lengths to avoid looking foolish before your son. 352 00:18:12,189 --> 00:18:14,440 Look what Mrs. Thorgeson was throwing out. 353 00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:17,986 Boy, the guys at McGinty's are gonna love this. 354 00:18:22,698 --> 00:18:25,074 Well, anyhoo… 355 00:18:26,576 --> 00:18:28,952 What have I told you about running in the house? 356 00:18:29,036 --> 00:18:30,536 You told me to never run in the house. 357 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,538 Good, and what about splitting infinitives? 358 00:18:32,622 --> 00:18:35,791 Frasier, let the boy be a boy. 359 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,626 Don't run away. I saw you. 360 00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:40,504 Your son just walked right in on me in the shower. 361 00:18:40,713 --> 00:18:42,713 -Frederick. -Dad, all I really saw was… 362 00:18:42,797 --> 00:18:44,632 I am very disappointed in you, young man. 363 00:18:44,716 --> 00:18:47,217 Let the boy finish. 364 00:18:52,888 --> 00:18:56,392 All I really saw was a lot of steam. 365 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,519 I'm sorry, Daphne. I didn't know you were in the shower. 366 00:18:59,686 --> 00:19:02,188 -Now you hate me. -I don't hate you. 367 00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:06,650 You just have to promise to knock before you enter a room, okay? 368 00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:10,695 -Sorry, Dad. -That's okay, son. 369 00:19:10,903 --> 00:19:13,448 So when are we going to the game? 370 00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:15,532 In a bit. 371 00:19:15,699 --> 00:19:18,599 First we have to have a little conversation, the two of us. 372 00:19:18,702 --> 00:19:20,869 Uncle Niles, could you give us a moment alone? 373 00:19:20,953 --> 00:19:23,080 Oh, of course. I'll freshen up for the game. 374 00:19:23,164 --> 00:19:24,332 [NILES CLEARING THROAT] 375 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:28,001 You can fool them, but you can't fool me. 376 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,464 I'm onto you, little man. 377 00:19:39,552 --> 00:19:43,472 Come on, Freddie. Come and have a seat here. 378 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,974 Okay. 379 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:51,062 You're gonna see me play some softball today. 380 00:19:51,729 --> 00:19:54,356 And I'm not gonna play very well. 381 00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:58,733 -See, I'm not a good softball player. -But Bulldog said you were the best. 382 00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:03,322 Yes, I know. Well, he was just lying in order to be nice. 383 00:20:03,863 --> 00:20:05,531 The truth is I stink. 384 00:20:05,698 --> 00:20:08,117 I can't catch, I can't throw, I can't hit. 385 00:20:08,368 --> 00:20:10,160 Oh. 386 00:20:11,453 --> 00:20:14,205 So it must be pretty disappointing to hear for the first time 387 00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:17,833 -that your dad is not perfect, huh? -It's not the first time. 388 00:20:19,835 --> 00:20:21,586 You couldn't fix my computer. 389 00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:24,756 You thought Venus was the North Star. 390 00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:28,008 And I've seen you run. 391 00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:34,305 Well, why didn't you mention any of these things to me before? 392 00:20:34,555 --> 00:20:37,808 I thought it might hurt your self-esteem. 393 00:20:39,101 --> 00:20:42,311 Actually, Frederick, I'm really okay with those things. I am. 394 00:20:42,478 --> 00:20:45,522 I want you to know that it's okay for you to feel bad about them. 395 00:20:45,606 --> 00:20:48,733 See, when I was about your age, I felt real bad about learning 396 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:51,050 that your grandpa can't do math in his head. 397 00:20:51,194 --> 00:20:53,778 I learned later, of course, that that wasn't very important, 398 00:20:53,862 --> 00:20:55,989 because he can do so many other things so well. 399 00:20:56,073 --> 00:21:00,284 -Grandpa can't do math in his head? -FRASIER: Yes, well, see… 400 00:21:01,911 --> 00:21:04,537 -That's not the issue. -Why did you go and tell him that for? 401 00:21:04,621 --> 00:21:08,125 -Well, I was illustrating a point. -You mean, you can't do it at all? 402 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:11,377 -Well, yeah, sure I can, Freddie. -I knew you could. 403 00:21:11,544 --> 00:21:14,004 What's seven times 15? 404 00:21:14,171 --> 00:21:16,548 You can do it, Grandpa. 405 00:21:17,257 --> 00:21:19,634 -115? -FREDERICK: Oh, Grandpa. 406 00:21:19,801 --> 00:21:22,901 -Well, thanks a lot, Frasier. -Well, I tried, for God's sake. 407 00:21:23,011 --> 00:21:25,514 -DAPHNE: Ready for the game? -Yeah. 408 00:21:25,723 --> 00:21:27,140 You don't sound too excited. 409 00:21:27,306 --> 00:21:29,892 I just found out Dad's bad at softball 410 00:21:30,059 --> 00:21:32,269 and Grandpa can't do math in his head. 411 00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:36,606 Those things aren't important. What can I do to make you feel better? 412 00:21:36,857 --> 00:21:39,984 -Maybe a hug? -Oh, come here. 413 00:21:41,193 --> 00:21:44,487 Oh. There you go. 414 00:21:52,828 --> 00:21:54,829 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 415 00:21:55,663 --> 00:21:58,326 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 416 00:21:58,410 --> 00:22:00,708 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 417 00:22:00,792 --> 00:22:02,418 Mercy. 418 00:22:02,502 --> 00:22:05,253 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 419 00:22:05,337 --> 00:22:07,297 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 420 00:22:07,381 --> 00:22:09,800 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 421 00:22:09,884 --> 00:22:11,342 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 422 00:22:11,426 --> 00:22:14,804 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 423 00:22:16,722 --> 00:22:18,307 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 424 00:22:19,475 --> 00:22:21,861 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 425 00:22:21,945 --> 00:22:23,603 What is a boy to do? 426 00:22:26,272 --> 00:22:28,774 Good night, Seattle, we love you!