1
00:00:02,173 --> 00:00:04,174
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
2
00:00:09,762 --> 00:00:13,223
My eight-year-old son is visiting me
this week, and he asked specifically
3
00:00:13,307 --> 00:00:16,017
if I could arrange a tour
of the Microsoft complex.
4
00:00:16,226 --> 00:00:18,520
I was wondering what your policy is on…
5
00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,646
I'm sorry to hear that.
6
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,481
You know, I don't often
trade on my celebrity status,
7
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:27,026
but does the name Frasier
Crane mean anything to you?
8
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,696
I'm sorry to hear that.
9
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,614
Well, you know, it's entirely possible
10
00:00:32,781 --> 00:00:36,575
that one day a relative of yours
may wish to tour my workplace…
11
00:00:36,742 --> 00:00:40,621
It's a radio station. Oh, forget it!
12
00:00:40,705 --> 00:00:42,830
…even been close, that would be one thing.
13
00:00:42,914 --> 00:00:46,459
-But I beat that tag by a mile. A mile.
-Calm down, slugger. It's all right.
14
00:00:46,543 --> 00:00:48,502
-A mile!
-I take it you lost the game.
15
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:51,796
No, we won the game, but Roz got
kicked out for arguing with the ump.
16
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,424
She kicked dirt on his
shoes, chest-butted him,
17
00:00:54,632 --> 00:00:57,468
almost took a bite out of his
finger when he stuck it in her face.
18
00:00:57,552 --> 00:01:00,137
You can't coach that kind of thing.
19
00:01:00,929 --> 00:01:05,474
All right, there's a guy on second,
one guy's out, I drive one to the gap.
20
00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:07,893
The throw to the cut-off
man is late, our guy's safe,
21
00:01:07,977 --> 00:01:11,687
I try to stretch it to a double. I make a
beautiful hook slide right under the tag.
22
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:12,855
How can I be out?
23
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:16,567
I'm still trying to understand why
you drove to the Gap during the game.
24
00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:21,570
Look, I'm gonna go work on
the lineup for Saturday's game.
25
00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:24,854
-You know, I love being in charge.
-Oh, can I play second base?
26
00:01:24,949 --> 00:01:26,449
No. Liz Budner's playing second.
27
00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:29,536
Liz Budner? Why?
What can she do that I can't?
28
00:01:29,745 --> 00:01:32,246
It's what she will do that you won't.
29
00:01:33,831 --> 00:01:39,043
Oh, Roz. Listen, didn't you used to
date some executive at Microsoft?
30
00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:42,046
Scott Blankman.
31
00:01:42,212 --> 00:01:43,922
Talk about your messy break-ups.
32
00:01:44,089 --> 00:01:46,717
Even after I dumped the
guy, he kept calling me.
33
00:01:46,925 --> 00:01:48,175
At first, he'd make excuses:
34
00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:50,344
"Sorry, I hit the wrong
button on my speed dial."
35
00:01:50,428 --> 00:01:52,680
Then he gave up the
pretense and there'd be sobbing
36
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,764
-on the other end of the line.
-Oh, God.
37
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:58,768
I finally said, "Scott, I never,
ever want to talk to you again."
38
00:01:58,934 --> 00:02:01,334
-Why do you ask?
-I'd like you give him a call.
39
00:02:01,854 --> 00:02:04,105
-What?
-Frederick's coming to visit this week.
40
00:02:04,189 --> 00:02:06,482
The only thing he asked
for was a tour of Microsoft.
41
00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:09,943
I sort of already, well,
promised that I could arrange it.
42
00:02:10,027 --> 00:02:11,987
Frasier, you're asking me to call a man
43
00:02:12,154 --> 00:02:14,156
who camped outside my apartment building
44
00:02:14,323 --> 00:02:15,781
and held a big sign up that said:
45
00:02:15,865 --> 00:02:18,910
-"Roz Doyle is afraid to love."
-Okay, I understand.
46
00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:21,369
I just thought you'd be
more sympathetic, that's all.
47
00:02:21,453 --> 00:02:22,788
I can't.
48
00:02:22,954 --> 00:02:26,248
I do recall a story you
told me not long ago
49
00:02:26,332 --> 00:02:30,168
about a young girl living in Wisconsin,
who wanted desperately for her mother
50
00:02:30,252 --> 00:02:33,546
to drive her to Chicago to see
Bobby Sherman open a shopping mall.
51
00:02:34,214 --> 00:02:36,633
But her mother was just too busy.
52
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,216
What did that girl do that night?
53
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:41,678
She cried herself to sleep on
her little Bobby Sherman pillow.
54
00:02:43,721 --> 00:02:45,807
I hate you.
55
00:02:50,477 --> 00:02:52,145
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
56
00:02:53,146 --> 00:02:55,522
-FRASIER: Niles.
-Good morning. Is Frederick up yet?
57
00:02:55,606 --> 00:02:58,275
He went out with his grandfather
for an early morning walk.
58
00:02:58,359 --> 00:03:00,359
I went through my old albums this morning
59
00:03:00,443 --> 00:03:02,528
and found photos of us
when we were Frederick's age.
60
00:03:02,612 --> 00:03:04,946
-Oh, Lord.
-Thought he might find them amusing.
61
00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:09,493
Oh, here. There we are, all dressed
up, ready for our first Cub Scout hike.
62
00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:10,743
And last.
63
00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:14,539
Yes, well, we didn't exactly
endear ourselves to the pack.
64
00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:16,122
All the other kids had knapsacks,
65
00:03:16,206 --> 00:03:19,167
we showed up with those
monogrammed train cases.
66
00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:23,211
Niles, refresh my memory.
Why are we wearing plastic snouts
67
00:03:23,295 --> 00:03:25,464
and a tiny little wading
pool around our waists?
68
00:03:25,548 --> 00:03:27,715
You've forgotten.
That Halloween we went as the Bay of Pigs.
69
00:03:27,799 --> 00:03:30,718
FRASIER: [CHUCKLES] Ah.
70
00:03:30,802 --> 00:03:32,427
As I recall, nobody got it.
71
00:03:32,886 --> 00:03:36,765
I finally had to take to telling
that we were Swine Lake.
72
00:03:36,932 --> 00:03:38,599
They didn't get that either.
73
00:03:39,892 --> 00:03:42,353
-That was a long evening.
-Yeah.
74
00:03:42,645 --> 00:03:45,188
So, what do you have in
store for Frederick this visit?
75
00:03:45,272 --> 00:03:47,440
We're gonna go
whale-watching, the planetarium,
76
00:03:47,524 --> 00:03:49,983
and Roz is helping me
arrange a tour of Microsoft.
77
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,194
It's the one thing Freddie
specifically requested.
78
00:03:52,278 --> 00:03:53,987
Someone's running for Dad of the Year.
79
00:03:54,071 --> 00:03:55,738
Yes, well, you know how it is.
80
00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:57,740
I don't get to see him
as often as I'd like.
81
00:03:57,824 --> 00:04:01,076
Memories of this trip will
have to last until the next one.
82
00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:03,662
Can you blame me for
wanting it to be perfect?
83
00:04:03,871 --> 00:04:05,921
-Hi, Dad.
-FRASIER: Oh, hello, Freddie.
84
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:08,707
Dad, did Grandpa ever tell
you the story how he captured
85
00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:11,042
four bank robbers with just a nightstick?
86
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,544
No. He did tell me how he
captured two bank robbers
87
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:16,463
with just a revolver, his
partner and a SWAT team.
88
00:04:16,672 --> 00:04:18,757
-They got there later.
-FRASIER: Well…
89
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:21,176
-Hello, Uncle Niles.
-NILES: Hello, Frederick.
90
00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,595
My, aren't you getting big.
91
00:04:23,803 --> 00:04:26,931
I'm the same exact size I
was the last time you saw me.
92
00:04:27,015 --> 00:04:31,310
Well, your mother's cooking
will do that for a growing boy.
93
00:04:32,185 --> 00:04:34,686
-Are we going to Microsoft today?
-Well, Freddie,
94
00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:37,773
I thought we'd go by the radio station.
I could show you where I work.
95
00:04:37,857 --> 00:04:39,565
-That'll be fun, won't it?
-Yes.
96
00:04:39,649 --> 00:04:43,028
-When are we going to Microsoft?
-Well, Saturday.
97
00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:44,528
FREDERICK: Excellent.
98
00:04:44,737 --> 00:04:47,531
-Hey, good morning, Dr. Crane.
-Good morning, Daphne.
99
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:51,576
-Hi, Daphne.
-Hello, Frederick.
100
00:04:51,743 --> 00:04:54,161
Tell your dad what you
saw in the park with Eddie.
101
00:04:54,245 --> 00:04:57,039
Hi, Daphne.
102
00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:00,750
-Frederick's my boyfriend.
-Oh, really.
103
00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:04,045
I got a present for you. Wait here.
104
00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:06,713
That's so cute. He's got a crush on you.
105
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,176
Yes, he spent the entire evening
sitting on Daphne's lap, watching TV.
106
00:05:12,134 --> 00:05:14,011
Really.
107
00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:18,806
And this morning I heard this
soft little knocking at my door,
108
00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:23,310
and it was Frederick, asking if
he could climb into bed with me.
109
00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:25,354
Really.
110
00:05:27,064 --> 00:05:30,816
-It's for you.
-DAPHNE: Oh, well, isn't this lovely.
111
00:05:30,983 --> 00:05:33,944
Look, here's Frederick. And here I am.
112
00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:36,988
-And what are we doing?
-Getting married.
113
00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:39,949
Really.
114
00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:43,577
DAPHNE: Come on, Frederick,
let's go hang this on the fridge.
115
00:05:43,661 --> 00:05:45,078
FREDERICK: Okay.
116
00:05:45,828 --> 00:05:47,705
Do you think it's healthy for a little boy
117
00:05:47,789 --> 00:05:50,582
to be so obsessed with a
woman he can't possibly have?
118
00:05:50,832 --> 00:05:54,044
Niles, have you actually sunk
so low as to be jealous of him?
119
00:05:54,503 --> 00:05:56,712
No, I'm not jealous. I'm just a bit…
120
00:05:56,879 --> 00:05:59,423
Well, maybe envious.
121
00:06:00,007 --> 00:06:02,550
That's ridiculous.
What have you got to be envious of?
122
00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:05,971
-DAPHNE: Hold on!
-FREDERICK: Wee!
123
00:06:08,764 --> 00:06:11,058
Wee!
124
00:06:17,896 --> 00:06:20,649
And this is the booth
where it all happens.
125
00:06:20,816 --> 00:06:23,484
-Very impressive.
-Well…
126
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:27,029
This is the talk back button
here, if I want to talk to Roz,
127
00:06:27,196 --> 00:06:29,196
the cough button if I
want to mute the mic.
128
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,616
This button here is very special.
It sends a death ray
129
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:34,451
shooting from the phone of
any caller who annoys me.
130
00:06:35,035 --> 00:06:36,620
You wish.
131
00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:38,872
Yes, I do.
132
00:06:38,956 --> 00:06:41,624
Well, okay, Roz, what have
we done to ourselves today?
133
00:06:41,708 --> 00:06:44,376
Well, we went out last
night to celebrate our big win.
134
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:46,002
-Ah.
-ROZ: Had a few margaritas.
135
00:06:46,086 --> 00:06:49,047
Someone started a conga line.
I wasn't gonna get in it.
136
00:06:49,214 --> 00:06:51,798
I think Gary, our shortstop,
got on the end of the line.
137
00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:55,177
That man has a butt that makes
you wanna reach out with both hands
138
00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:58,680
and give Freddie a great big Seattle hug.
139
00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:00,598
-Good save, Roz.
-ROZ: Thank you.
140
00:07:00,682 --> 00:07:03,016
-I don't believe you've met Bulldog.
-Hey, kid.
141
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,937
-Why are you called Bulldog?
-People just always call me that.
142
00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:08,271
But why?
143
00:07:10,023 --> 00:07:11,774
-I don't know.
-Well, all right, Bulldog.
144
00:07:11,858 --> 00:07:14,567
-Roz and I have a show to prepare for.
-No, no. Wait a minute.
145
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,654
This is important.
Why do people call me Bulldog?
146
00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:19,112
There has to be a reason.
147
00:07:19,196 --> 00:07:20,364
[BULLDOG BARKS]
148
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,908
This is gonna drive me nuts.
149
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:26,285
Who's subbing for me in Saturday's game?
150
00:07:26,369 --> 00:07:28,537
We gotta have a ninth
body out there or we forfeit.
151
00:07:28,621 --> 00:07:32,332
-Oh, right. How about Mindy Guthrie?
-Eight months pregnant.
152
00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:37,170
July, August, September,
October, November, December…
153
00:07:40,797 --> 00:07:43,841
Anyway, you better find somebody.
And speaking of bad news, Frasier,
154
00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:45,676
I finally got a call from Scott Blankman…
155
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,844
Roz…
Frederick, talk with Bulldog for a minute.
156
00:07:47,928 --> 00:07:50,389
-I have to discuss something with Roz.
-FREDERICK: Okay.
157
00:07:50,473 --> 00:07:51,890
Oh, yeah, no problem.
158
00:07:55,477 --> 00:07:58,019
Oh, hey. In a little while
I'm gonna bring in my cart.
159
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,898
-You can hit the gong.
-Why?
160
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:04,442
It's loud.
I make a lot of loud noises in my show.
161
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,944
-Why?
-I don't know.
162
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,362
Boy, I'm starting to get a headache.
163
00:08:09,446 --> 00:08:12,281
If you need a softball player,
why don't you use my dad.
164
00:08:12,365 --> 00:08:14,325
Oh, yeah, right.
165
00:08:14,909 --> 00:08:16,410
Isn't he good?
166
00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:21,081
Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's great.
He is the best, you know.
167
00:08:21,247 --> 00:08:24,208
I wish he could play, but I
think your dad's busy Saturday.
168
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:27,669
-He's taking me to Microsoft.
-Yeah, right.
169
00:08:27,836 --> 00:08:31,755
Man, I wish he could play, because
if he were playing, we'd win for sure.
170
00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:33,883
I'm sorry, Frasier. That's all I can do.
171
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:36,468
Scott quit Microsoft
right after we broke up.
172
00:08:37,135 --> 00:08:39,513
Well, I don't look forward
to telling Frederick.
173
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,346
He'll be so disappointed.
174
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:45,130
Well, you know, if he wants a tour of
a seminary, I've got an in there now.
175
00:08:48,603 --> 00:08:49,938
I don't know. I give up.
176
00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:51,481
Abraham Lincoln.
177
00:08:51,647 --> 00:08:54,858
What school did you go to?
178
00:08:56,151 --> 00:08:57,527
Frederick…
179
00:08:57,693 --> 00:09:01,114
FREDERICK: Dad, I don't
wanna go to Microsoft anymore.
180
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,116
-You don't?
-Oh, hey. Yes, he does. Wait a minute.
181
00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:06,701
What kind of boy wouldn't
wanna spend a day at Microsoft?
182
00:09:06,785 --> 00:09:11,580
Stay out of this. Now, listen. Frederick,
you know, this is your vacation.
183
00:09:11,747 --> 00:09:13,539
You are the boss. Whatever you say goes.
184
00:09:13,623 --> 00:09:16,584
Great.
I wanna see you play in the softball game.
185
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:19,461
-What?
-You could take Roz's place.
186
00:09:19,628 --> 00:09:21,921
Well, you know, as much
as I'd love to play softball,
187
00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:24,007
I really don't think that
Bulldog wants me to.
188
00:09:24,091 --> 00:09:27,009
Yes, he does.
He said you were the best. Right?
189
00:09:27,176 --> 00:09:29,595
That's what I said.
190
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:33,348
-Well, thank you, Bulldog.
-So you'll play?
191
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:37,257
-Well, I don't see how I can refuse.
-Great. I can't wait to tell Daphne.
192
00:09:37,393 --> 00:09:40,103
Yes, well, speaking of Daphne,
while you're waiting for Daphne,
193
00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:43,272
why don't you go on out, get yourself
a candy bar out of the machine.
194
00:09:43,356 --> 00:09:45,232
Mother says candy rots tooth enamel.
195
00:09:45,316 --> 00:09:48,416
Yes, well, chew on the side of your mouth.
Rot your baby teeth.
196
00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:52,321
What do you think you're doing,
telling him I'm a good softball player?
197
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:55,032
Trying to be nice. You want me
to tell him you're a big lame-o?
198
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,826
-No, I don't.
-Hey, look, I know how tough it is
199
00:09:57,993 --> 00:10:01,705
when you're a kid and you find out
your dad's not as great as you thought.
200
00:10:01,872 --> 00:10:05,374
Look, I was about Frederick's age when…
201
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,793
Well, I came home. My mom was out
202
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,910
and I caught my dad with another woman.
203
00:10:11,671 --> 00:10:14,673
-Oh, Bulldog, I'm sorry.
-No, no. No, wait.
204
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,217
You haven't heard the bad part yet.
205
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:20,219
She was ugly, Doc.
206
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:24,432
I mean, coyote ugly. My own dad.
207
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,974
And the best excuse he
could come up with was:
208
00:10:27,058 --> 00:10:30,769
"Hey, you don't look at the
mantel when you're poking the fire."
209
00:10:33,314 --> 00:10:36,816
Hey! I just got that.
210
00:10:42,321 --> 00:10:45,991
I just keep thinking back to that time
when Dad made us try Little League.
211
00:10:46,158 --> 00:10:47,574
I'll never forget the humiliation
212
00:10:47,658 --> 00:10:50,453
of getting up to bat for
the first time in my life,
213
00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:52,913
hearing the other team all cry out:
214
00:10:53,079 --> 00:10:56,541
"Move in, everybody. Crane's up."
215
00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,918
But they moved back out again
after you took your first swing.
216
00:11:00,002 --> 00:11:02,588
Only because the bat flew out of my hands.
217
00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:05,590
You worry too much.
218
00:11:05,757 --> 00:11:08,384
Your co-workers aren't
expecting you to play brilliantly.
219
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,010
No, I can live with playing
badly in front of my co-workers.
220
00:11:11,094 --> 00:11:13,180
It's Frederick I'm worried about.
221
00:11:13,347 --> 00:11:16,181
He's still at that age where he
thinks his father can do anything.
222
00:11:16,265 --> 00:11:18,392
Every child, at some point, must discover
223
00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:20,768
-that his father is not a superhero.
-I know.
224
00:11:20,852 --> 00:11:23,062
It's a healthy part of the
developmental process.
225
00:11:23,146 --> 00:11:25,939
I know someday he's gonna
have to learn that I'm not perfect.
226
00:11:26,023 --> 00:11:28,692
It's just… I was hoping it might
be something less humiliating,
227
00:11:28,776 --> 00:11:32,070
like seeing me fast-dance
at a family wedding.
228
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:36,032
-You consider that less humiliating?
-Well…
229
00:11:36,199 --> 00:11:38,242
Hello. Look who's here.
230
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:40,410
You two have fun while I was at work?
231
00:11:40,494 --> 00:11:42,287
-Yes.
-Oh, yes.
232
00:11:42,453 --> 00:11:45,122
We went to the amusement park.
We had a lovely time.
233
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:47,708
Only, I think the Ferris
wheel scared him a bit.
234
00:11:47,792 --> 00:11:50,877
He spent the whole ride
hugging me for dear life.
235
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,004
Really.
236
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,215
Her hair smells like strawberry.
237
00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:00,426
It smells like peach
blossoms, lavender and vanilla.
238
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,471
From over here, at least.
239
00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:08,683
Uncle Niles, are you coming to
watch my dad play in the softball game?
240
00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:11,768
-He's the best one on the team.
-Well, of course I am, Freddie.
241
00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:14,855
I'll be there sitting right
between you and Daphne.
242
00:12:15,522 --> 00:12:18,149
Well, come on, Frederick.
Let's go get some hot chocolate.
243
00:12:18,233 --> 00:12:19,442
FREDERICK: Okay.
244
00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:22,653
-So you see the problem.
-I certainly do.
245
00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:24,780
No, that's your problem.
246
00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:28,407
My problem is that I promised
Frederick I would play on Saturday.
247
00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:30,117
Guess I'm left with only one choice.
248
00:12:30,201 --> 00:12:32,243
-You're gonna fake an injury?
-No, course not.
249
00:12:32,327 --> 00:12:34,787
-I've got to learn how to play softball.
-In two days?
250
00:12:34,871 --> 00:12:36,998
Well, back in college,
when Stu Oberfeld got sick,
251
00:12:37,082 --> 00:12:39,958
I learned the role of Mercutio in
a day and a half. I was brilliant.
252
00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:43,127
In the dueling scene, the audience
was on the edge of their seats.
253
00:12:43,211 --> 00:12:46,589
Yes, and they were under them
when the sword flew out of your hands.
254
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:56,138
FRASIER: Gee, Dad, I wanna
thank you for helping me out with this.
255
00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:59,683
MARTIN: Don't mention it.
We're gonna whip you right into shape.
256
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,267
It must have been disappointing
257
00:13:01,351 --> 00:13:03,603
I never took any interest
in this sort of thing as a kid.
258
00:13:03,687 --> 00:13:05,087
MARTIN: Well, I understood.
259
00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:08,023
Guess it's a little complex
I must have developed
260
00:13:08,107 --> 00:13:11,818
when I was growing up. The
doorbell would ring, I'd run to answer it,
261
00:13:12,027 --> 00:13:15,905
and then there'd be the neighborhood
kids with their baseball gloves
262
00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:19,450
and their bats, looking for
somebody else to join their game.
263
00:13:19,616 --> 00:13:22,869
They'd say, "Hey, can your
dad come out and play?"
264
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:26,831
Well, never mind that. You know,
it's kind of fun to finally be out here.
265
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:32,626
At the risk of sounding like Stanley
cornering Blanche Dubois in Streetcar,
266
00:13:32,793 --> 00:13:35,337
"We've had this date with each
other from the very beginning."
267
00:13:35,421 --> 00:13:37,006
I knew you'd ruin it.
268
00:13:37,173 --> 00:13:39,591
All right, come on. Put your helmet on.
269
00:13:40,258 --> 00:13:42,718
-FRASIER: Gee, it's kind of tight.
-Well, it's supposed to.
270
00:13:42,802 --> 00:13:44,595
It stops you from getting hurt.
271
00:13:44,762 --> 00:13:48,015
MARTIN: Okay?
Here, all right. There you go.
272
00:13:48,182 --> 00:13:49,974
Now…
273
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,394
Take your bat, get into the
stance, just like I told you.
274
00:13:53,478 --> 00:13:55,604
I'm gonna turn the machine on.
275
00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:59,107
The good thing about these balls
is that they're all at the same level,
276
00:13:59,191 --> 00:14:02,109
so you can work on your
form and your timing. All right?
277
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,570
Okay, now, here we go.
278
00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:06,905
Ah!
279
00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:10,367
What is that? A pitching
machine or a particle accelerator?
280
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,411
All right, all right.
I'll crank it down to a lower setting.
281
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:16,330
Okay, now, just remember,
282
00:14:16,537 --> 00:14:20,416
left elbow in, right elbow up, knees bent.
283
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:22,625
All the weight on the
balls of your feet, okay?
284
00:14:22,709 --> 00:14:25,796
Now, just step into the pitch.
285
00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:30,257
Oh, yeah, and swing the bat.
286
00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:32,384
Dad, can't you just
slow it down a little bit?
287
00:14:32,468 --> 00:14:35,303
All right, but if any of the
other fathers come back here,
288
00:14:35,387 --> 00:14:37,237
I'm taking it off the peewee setting.
289
00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:39,973
Okay. All right. Now, from the hips.
290
00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:42,142
Nice and easy. Don't try to kill it.
291
00:14:42,309 --> 00:14:45,269
Just try to make contact. Okay, you ready?
292
00:14:46,062 --> 00:14:47,814
Ready.
293
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,527
What are you looking at?
Dad, they're looking at me.
294
00:14:54,611 --> 00:14:56,028
Get out of here. Go on.
295
00:14:56,278 --> 00:14:57,988
Buzz off!
296
00:15:07,287 --> 00:15:10,373
FRASIER: Did you hear that?
Hear that? I touched it that time. I did.
297
00:15:10,457 --> 00:15:12,917
No, it didn't. That was my knee cracking.
298
00:15:13,084 --> 00:15:14,626
You're doing a lot better, though.
299
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:18,410
Six in a row without hitting yourself
in the kidney on your follow-through.
300
00:15:18,547 --> 00:15:20,631
Who am I kidding? This is hopeless.
301
00:15:20,715 --> 00:15:23,300
Oh, well.
Well, why don't we just try changing bats.
302
00:15:23,551 --> 00:15:25,344
I couldn't hit it if I had a sofa cushion.
303
00:15:25,428 --> 00:15:29,431
All right, so softball's not your game.
It's no big deal.
304
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:33,434
-MARTIN: Freddie will understand that.
-FRASIER: I suppose in time he will.
305
00:15:33,518 --> 00:15:35,269
It's just that… Ow, ow, ow, ow.
306
00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:43,234
No boy ever forgets the first time
he learns that his dad isn't perfect.
307
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,819
It's not what I wanted him to
take away with him on this trip.
308
00:15:46,903 --> 00:15:49,948
-Anyway, thanks for your help.
-Oh, don't mention it.
309
00:15:50,573 --> 00:15:52,867
So, Frasier…
310
00:15:53,826 --> 00:15:55,743
-What was it for you?
-Huh?
311
00:15:55,952 --> 00:15:57,454
Well, you know, I mean,
312
00:15:57,871 --> 00:16:01,290
when you first found out
that I was less than perfect.
313
00:16:02,374 --> 00:16:03,417
I don't know.
314
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:06,878
Well, I thought you said a
kid never forgets the first time.
315
00:16:07,044 --> 00:16:09,755
-Maybe it was no one time.
-Oh, so it was a lot of times?
316
00:16:09,839 --> 00:16:12,007
No. I'm not very
comfortable talking about it…
317
00:16:12,091 --> 00:16:14,759
Well, why? You're not gonna
hurt my feelings. I'm just curious.
318
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,470
All right, all right.
319
00:16:17,137 --> 00:16:19,430
Back in third grade.
320
00:16:19,597 --> 00:16:23,475
You took me and some of the
boys from the math club out for pizza.
321
00:16:25,226 --> 00:16:27,395
When the check came…
322
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,398
You couldn't figure
out the tip in your head.
323
00:16:32,608 --> 00:16:34,109
I can't do math in my head?
324
00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:37,361
-That's your big disappointment?
-Well, it was at the time.
325
00:16:37,612 --> 00:16:40,822
Well, I wonder if I can calculate in
my head how many hits you got today.
326
00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:43,325
Let me think. Oh, zero!
327
00:16:43,492 --> 00:16:46,076
Fine! Fine, Dad, get defensive.
I was 8 years old.
328
00:16:46,243 --> 00:16:48,843
Eight. That's the one shaped
like the snowman, right?
329
00:16:49,038 --> 00:16:51,247
I'm sorry I even brought it up. God.
330
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,709
Guess I'm gonna have to bite the bullet,
331
00:16:55,793 --> 00:17:00,380
sit Frederick down on Saturday
before the game and tell him the truth.
332
00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:06,331
Not a conversation I'm looking forward
to, but I should prepare him for the fact
333
00:17:06,719 --> 00:17:10,347
his daddy's not gonna be hitting
any grand slams on Saturday.
334
00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,849
Or am I? Wait.
335
00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:16,227
-A grand slam is…
-You aren't.
336
00:17:18,478 --> 00:17:22,440
Well, anyway, I suppose that
one consolation is, you know,
337
00:17:22,607 --> 00:17:25,108
as disappointed as I was
with you after the pizza incident,
338
00:17:25,192 --> 00:17:28,487
yet here we are, all these
years later, out in a batting cage.
339
00:17:28,654 --> 00:17:31,321
Yeah, that's right.
Come on, I'll get us a couple of beers.
340
00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:32,698
-FRASIER: Thanks, Dad.
-Okay.
341
00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,951
And how many of these shiny things…
342
00:17:36,117 --> 00:17:38,245
FRASIER: Oh, shut up.
343
00:17:40,287 --> 00:17:41,789
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
344
00:17:42,289 --> 00:17:46,084
-Hello, Niles.
-You look like an authentic jock.
345
00:17:46,334 --> 00:17:48,962
I'm half tempted to hand
over my lunch money.
346
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:53,298
Is that your idea of appropriate
baseball-watching attire?
347
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,717
Obviously you failed to detect
the subtle diamond pattern in my tie.
348
00:17:56,801 --> 00:17:58,135
Oh.
349
00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:04,432
So how did your little
talk go with Frederick?
350
00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:08,394
Well, I haven't been able
to bring myself to do it yet.
351
00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:12,105
As a father, you go to any lengths to
avoid looking foolish before your son.
352
00:18:12,189 --> 00:18:14,440
Look what Mrs. Thorgeson was throwing out.
353
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:17,986
Boy, the guys at McGinty's
are gonna love this.
354
00:18:22,698 --> 00:18:25,074
Well, anyhoo…
355
00:18:26,576 --> 00:18:28,952
What have I told you
about running in the house?
356
00:18:29,036 --> 00:18:30,536
You told me to never run in the house.
357
00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,538
Good, and what about
splitting infinitives?
358
00:18:32,622 --> 00:18:35,791
Frasier, let the boy be a boy.
359
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,626
Don't run away. I saw you.
360
00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:40,504
Your son just walked
right in on me in the shower.
361
00:18:40,713 --> 00:18:42,713
-Frederick.
-Dad, all I really saw was…
362
00:18:42,797 --> 00:18:44,632
I am very disappointed in you, young man.
363
00:18:44,716 --> 00:18:47,217
Let the boy finish.
364
00:18:52,888 --> 00:18:56,392
All I really saw was a lot of steam.
365
00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,519
I'm sorry, Daphne.
I didn't know you were in the shower.
366
00:18:59,686 --> 00:19:02,188
-Now you hate me.
-I don't hate you.
367
00:19:02,355 --> 00:19:06,650
You just have to promise to knock
before you enter a room, okay?
368
00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:10,695
-Sorry, Dad.
-That's okay, son.
369
00:19:10,903 --> 00:19:13,448
So when are we going to the game?
370
00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:15,532
In a bit.
371
00:19:15,699 --> 00:19:18,599
First we have to have a little
conversation, the two of us.
372
00:19:18,702 --> 00:19:20,869
Uncle Niles, could you
give us a moment alone?
373
00:19:20,953 --> 00:19:23,080
Oh, of course.
I'll freshen up for the game.
374
00:19:23,164 --> 00:19:24,332
[NILES CLEARING THROAT]
375
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:28,001
You can fool them, but you can't fool me.
376
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,464
I'm onto you, little man.
377
00:19:39,552 --> 00:19:43,472
Come on, Freddie.
Come and have a seat here.
378
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,974
Okay.
379
00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:51,062
You're gonna see me
play some softball today.
380
00:19:51,729 --> 00:19:54,356
And I'm not gonna play very well.
381
00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:58,733
-See, I'm not a good softball player.
-But Bulldog said you were the best.
382
00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:03,322
Yes, I know. Well, he was
just lying in order to be nice.
383
00:20:03,863 --> 00:20:05,531
The truth is I stink.
384
00:20:05,698 --> 00:20:08,117
I can't catch, I can't throw, I can't hit.
385
00:20:08,368 --> 00:20:10,160
Oh.
386
00:20:11,453 --> 00:20:14,205
So it must be pretty disappointing
to hear for the first time
387
00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:17,833
-that your dad is not perfect, huh?
-It's not the first time.
388
00:20:19,835 --> 00:20:21,586
You couldn't fix my computer.
389
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:24,756
You thought Venus was the North Star.
390
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:28,008
And I've seen you run.
391
00:20:31,094 --> 00:20:34,305
Well, why didn't you mention
any of these things to me before?
392
00:20:34,555 --> 00:20:37,808
I thought it might hurt your self-esteem.
393
00:20:39,101 --> 00:20:42,311
Actually, Frederick, I'm really
okay with those things. I am.
394
00:20:42,478 --> 00:20:45,522
I want you to know that it's okay
for you to feel bad about them.
395
00:20:45,606 --> 00:20:48,733
See, when I was about your
age, I felt real bad about learning
396
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:51,050
that your grandpa can't
do math in his head.
397
00:20:51,194 --> 00:20:53,778
I learned later, of course,
that that wasn't very important,
398
00:20:53,862 --> 00:20:55,989
because he can do so
many other things so well.
399
00:20:56,073 --> 00:21:00,284
-Grandpa can't do math in his head?
-FRASIER: Yes, well, see…
400
00:21:01,911 --> 00:21:04,537
-That's not the issue.
-Why did you go and tell him that for?
401
00:21:04,621 --> 00:21:08,125
-Well, I was illustrating a point.
-You mean, you can't do it at all?
402
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:11,377
-Well, yeah, sure I can, Freddie.
-I knew you could.
403
00:21:11,544 --> 00:21:14,004
What's seven times 15?
404
00:21:14,171 --> 00:21:16,548
You can do it, Grandpa.
405
00:21:17,257 --> 00:21:19,634
-115?
-FREDERICK: Oh, Grandpa.
406
00:21:19,801 --> 00:21:22,901
-Well, thanks a lot, Frasier.
-Well, I tried, for God's sake.
407
00:21:23,011 --> 00:21:25,514
-DAPHNE: Ready for the game?
-Yeah.
408
00:21:25,723 --> 00:21:27,140
You don't sound too excited.
409
00:21:27,306 --> 00:21:29,892
I just found out Dad's bad at softball
410
00:21:30,059 --> 00:21:32,269
and Grandpa can't do math in his head.
411
00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:36,606
Those things aren't important.
What can I do to make you feel better?
412
00:21:36,857 --> 00:21:39,984
-Maybe a hug?
-Oh, come here.
413
00:21:41,193 --> 00:21:44,487
Oh. There you go.
414
00:21:52,828 --> 00:21:54,829
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
415
00:21:55,663 --> 00:21:58,326
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
416
00:21:58,410 --> 00:22:00,708
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
417
00:22:00,792 --> 00:22:02,418
Mercy.
418
00:22:02,502 --> 00:22:05,253
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
419
00:22:05,337 --> 00:22:07,297
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
420
00:22:07,381 --> 00:22:09,800
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
421
00:22:09,884 --> 00:22:11,342
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
422
00:22:11,426 --> 00:22:14,804
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
423
00:22:16,722 --> 00:22:18,307
♪ They're callin' again ♪
424
00:22:19,475 --> 00:22:21,861
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
425
00:22:21,945 --> 00:22:23,603
What is a boy to do?
426
00:22:26,272 --> 00:22:28,774
Good night, Seattle, we love you!