1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,221 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,517 --> 00:00:11,894 [DOORBELL CHIMES] 3 00:00:13,771 --> 00:00:15,606 -Niles. -I'm sorry to drop by unannounced, 4 00:00:15,690 --> 00:00:17,524 -but I need your help. -Of course. Sherry? 5 00:00:17,608 --> 00:00:20,819 Please. As you know, ever since I moved into the Montana, 6 00:00:20,985 --> 00:00:23,154 I've been angling to meet our most famous tenant, 7 00:00:23,238 --> 00:00:25,532 Esmé Bing, the Walnut Queen. 8 00:00:25,699 --> 00:00:29,911 Well, I finally cornered her in the ornamental garden by the wishing well, 9 00:00:30,078 --> 00:00:31,828 and I felt very pleased with myself. 10 00:00:31,912 --> 00:00:35,833 That is, until the Walnut Queen invited me to a ball. Now I have a problem. 11 00:00:35,999 --> 00:00:38,836 Yes, your life has become an operetta. 12 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,089 No, it's a charity ball. 13 00:00:42,256 --> 00:00:45,174 And when I say "invited," I mean she let me buy a table for ten 14 00:00:45,258 --> 00:00:47,093 -at $5,000. -Oh, no. 15 00:00:47,677 --> 00:00:50,346 I have until Sunday to sell eight $500 tickets. 16 00:00:50,513 --> 00:00:52,056 -Say no more. -Oh. 17 00:00:52,223 --> 00:00:55,516 -It's steep, but if it's for charity… -Thanks, Frasier. 18 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,936 -It is a very worthy cause. -All right. 19 00:00:58,103 --> 00:01:02,733 -Well, who should I make this out to? -To the Esmerelda… 20 00:01:03,191 --> 00:01:04,401 Bing… 21 00:01:05,402 --> 00:01:07,154 -International… -Right. 22 00:01:07,612 --> 00:01:09,739 Doll Museum. 23 00:01:12,032 --> 00:01:14,577 You do have a problem. 24 00:01:14,785 --> 00:01:16,203 I thought you prided yourself 25 00:01:16,287 --> 00:01:19,957 -on supporting the arts. -The arts, Niles. Not the crafts. 26 00:01:20,124 --> 00:01:22,792 I told you, I can't do it now. Sherry's taking me out 27 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,421 for our third-month anniversary, and I gotta get a new sport coat. 28 00:01:26,588 --> 00:01:29,548 You cannot skip your exercises again. You skipped them yesterday. 29 00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:31,884 This is the only time Sherry can go shopping with me. 30 00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:35,261 And I can't go without her. There isn't a woman alive with her fashion sense. 31 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,557 Carmen Miranda having passed on. 32 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,433 I should think having a lady friend 33 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,853 would make you exercise more, not less. 34 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,646 I don't mean to be indelicate, but a man in your condition 35 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:48,483 who wants to enjoy certain, shall we say, indoor sports 36 00:01:48,649 --> 00:01:51,694 should take steps to make sure that cranky old Mr. Hip 37 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:55,448 doesn't, shall we say, let down the team, if you get my meaning. 38 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,949 Oh, don't you worry about me. 39 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,908 I may not be Rookie of the Year anymore, 40 00:01:58,992 --> 00:02:00,952 but I can still move around the bases. 41 00:02:01,119 --> 00:02:04,289 -Oh, hey, Martin. -Oh, look, a scout from the majors. 42 00:02:04,498 --> 00:02:06,499 -See you later. Gotta run. -ROZ: Okay, bye. 43 00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:09,960 -Well, Roz, this is a surprise. -Big news. 44 00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:13,714 -Gertie Olsen's leaving the station. -What, from Gertie's Grab Bag? 45 00:02:13,881 --> 00:02:15,757 -I love that show. -FRASIER: Oh, please. 46 00:02:15,841 --> 00:02:17,468 That homily-spouting hausfrau 47 00:02:17,635 --> 00:02:19,594 is the most embarrassing thing on the air. 48 00:02:19,678 --> 00:02:23,973 -So she finally got canned, eh? -No, she got a million-dollar TV deal. 49 00:02:27,811 --> 00:02:30,897 Good news for Gertie, and for the many atheists 50 00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:33,525 who will welcome this new proof of their theory. 51 00:02:33,691 --> 00:02:39,696 Well, anyway, they're auditioning people for her time slot, and… 52 00:02:39,863 --> 00:02:41,240 I'm gonna go for it. 53 00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:43,826 What do you mean, your own show? 54 00:02:44,034 --> 00:02:46,119 Oh, Roz, that's exciting. 55 00:02:46,286 --> 00:02:49,372 And what better way to celebrate an exciting new career move, 56 00:02:49,539 --> 00:02:52,375 than spending this Sunday at a swanky society ball. 57 00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:53,835 Oh, drop it, Niles! 58 00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:58,464 Roz, I must say, this comes as bit of a surprise. 59 00:02:58,548 --> 00:03:00,631 DAPHNE: I never knew you wanted your own show. 60 00:03:00,715 --> 00:03:02,842 Well, it's the whole reason I got into radio. 61 00:03:02,926 --> 00:03:05,928 I had my own show in college, and when I started working at the station, 62 00:03:06,012 --> 00:03:08,181 I just sort of got stuck on the producing side. 63 00:03:08,265 --> 00:03:10,559 Well, what kind of show did you have in mind? 64 00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:15,145 I thought I'd talk about stuff I know. You know, the singles' life in Seattle. 65 00:03:15,312 --> 00:03:18,190 Dating, fashion, where to meet available men. 66 00:03:18,357 --> 00:03:21,193 If you're looking for an event that'll be crawling with single men, 67 00:03:21,277 --> 00:03:23,903 -this particular gala should be just… -Niles! 68 00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:28,658 Anyway, Frasier, I hope you'll support me on this. 69 00:03:28,992 --> 00:03:33,037 Well… I hate to lose you, but of course I'll support you. 70 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,831 Thank you, Frasier. You're the best. 71 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:37,416 -Well… -Well, listen, 72 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:40,627 as long as I've got you all here, I'm putting together a tape, 73 00:03:40,711 --> 00:03:43,061 and I could use people to pretend to be callers. 74 00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:44,964 -FRASIER: We'd be glad. -Sounds like fun. 75 00:03:45,048 --> 00:03:47,383 -I'll come back tonight. -FRASIER: All right. 76 00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:49,927 And, Daphne, I need at least one spicy call. 77 00:03:50,094 --> 00:03:53,973 Could you pretend to be a woman who doesn't believe in sex without love, 78 00:03:54,140 --> 00:03:57,685 but just feels so horny sometimes she wants to jump anything in pants? 79 00:03:57,852 --> 00:04:00,437 Well, I'll try. 80 00:04:00,604 --> 00:04:04,107 And while I'm at it, I'll see if I can fake a British accent. 81 00:04:12,157 --> 00:04:15,993 ROZ: Good afternoon, Seattle. I'm Roz Doyle, and this is Love Matters. 82 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:20,873 Today we're chatting with merchant seaman Steve Baron from Bellingham. 83 00:04:21,749 --> 00:04:24,752 Tell me, Steve, what do you look for in an ideal date? 84 00:04:25,793 --> 00:04:30,924 When my shipmates and I put into port after several weeks at sea… 85 00:04:31,090 --> 00:04:32,550 Cut. 86 00:04:34,135 --> 00:04:36,971 I'm sorry, Frasier, but you don't sound like a merchant seaman. 87 00:04:37,055 --> 00:04:39,389 Point well taken. Let's try again. All right. 88 00:04:40,265 --> 00:04:42,976 So, Steve, what do you look for in an ideal date? 89 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,812 [PIRATE VOICE] When my shipmates and I… 90 00:04:48,857 --> 00:04:53,611 Put into port after several weeks at sea, the first thing we do is… 91 00:04:53,778 --> 00:04:56,906 Head for the antique sales. 92 00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:59,867 Fine, smarty pants. You play Steve then. 93 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:03,870 No. Never mind. Let's just go on to my next idea. Daphne? 94 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,498 Okay, you be the girlfriend in a couple 95 00:05:06,665 --> 00:05:08,708 who wants to spice things up in the bedroom. 96 00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:11,252 -Niles, will you be her boyfriend? -Yes. 97 00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:18,634 Okay. I'm here with Fred and Patty. 98 00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:20,803 Tell me, you two, what made you think 99 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:23,220 that your sex life needed a little jump-start? 100 00:05:24,765 --> 00:05:27,141 It's all his fault. 101 00:05:27,308 --> 00:05:29,811 He just seems to have lost interest in me. 102 00:05:29,978 --> 00:05:33,606 I've done everything I can to entice him. I've… 103 00:05:33,773 --> 00:05:37,402 I've served dinner wearing nothing but high heels and an apron. 104 00:05:39,653 --> 00:05:42,322 I've called him at the office and talked dirty. 105 00:05:43,699 --> 00:05:46,743 And last night when he came home, I was lying in bed 106 00:05:46,910 --> 00:05:49,830 wearing a whipped-cream teddy. 107 00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:53,833 But did he care? No! 108 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,043 And none of this turned you on, Fred? 109 00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:05,844 Fred? 110 00:06:07,178 --> 00:06:10,181 That's nothing. You should hear the other things that didn't turn me on. 111 00:06:10,265 --> 00:06:12,350 Tell me about them, Patty. 112 00:06:13,184 --> 00:06:15,437 Let's cut to the chase. 113 00:06:15,602 --> 00:06:17,021 Patty, men are like fish. 114 00:06:17,271 --> 00:06:20,023 When you first hook them, they wriggle around like crazy. 115 00:06:20,107 --> 00:06:24,194 But once you finally reel them in, they just lie there with that glassy look. 116 00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:27,656 -I'd throw this one back. -That's terrible advice. 117 00:06:27,823 --> 00:06:29,323 -No, it isn't. -Yes, it is. 118 00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:31,867 You have no idea how Fred really feels about Daphne… Patsy. 119 00:06:31,951 --> 00:06:34,037 -Patty. -Patty. 120 00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:37,420 -This is pointless. -No, Roz, you were doing just fine. 121 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:42,544 No, I was terrible. I wasn't helpful. I wasn't smart. I wasn't even sassy. 122 00:06:42,711 --> 00:06:45,588 Well, well, perhaps not sassy, but you were certainly saucy. 123 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,425 That borders on sassy. Roz! 124 00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,887 Hello, Mr. Crane. How was your romantic evening with Sherry? 125 00:06:53,054 --> 00:06:56,766 Oh, it was fine. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. 126 00:06:57,141 --> 00:06:59,977 Hey, Daph, how about getting that exercise mat out? 127 00:07:00,144 --> 00:07:02,521 We'll do some stretches, huh? Ah. 128 00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:05,690 Can't right now. I'm helping Roz with her audition tape. 129 00:07:05,774 --> 00:07:07,942 MARTIN: Well, how long's it gonna take? 130 00:07:08,109 --> 00:07:10,570 What are you so eager for? 131 00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:13,073 Oh, I get the picture. 132 00:07:13,448 --> 00:07:16,659 Not too limber with Sherry this evening, were we? 133 00:07:16,826 --> 00:07:19,787 Two hips but no hooray? 134 00:07:20,412 --> 00:07:23,207 Very funny. Well, you haven't exactly been burning it up 135 00:07:23,373 --> 00:07:24,874 in the romance department either. 136 00:07:24,958 --> 00:07:26,960 What do you know about my love life? 137 00:07:27,127 --> 00:07:29,004 DAPHNE [ON RECORDER]: I was lying in bed 138 00:07:29,088 --> 00:07:30,671 wearing a whipped-cream teddy. 139 00:07:31,923 --> 00:07:32,965 But did he care… 140 00:07:36,677 --> 00:07:39,179 It takes a little time to get the hang of it at first. 141 00:07:39,263 --> 00:07:41,181 My God, you should've heard my audition tape. 142 00:07:41,265 --> 00:07:43,850 -I was so inept it was incredible. -That's true. 143 00:07:44,017 --> 00:07:46,186 Well… Oh, you mean… Well, you heard it. 144 00:07:46,353 --> 00:07:47,979 All right, then you see what perseverance… 145 00:07:48,063 --> 00:07:50,940 There was a bootleg copy floating around the station for months. 146 00:07:51,024 --> 00:07:52,900 Yes, well, fine. So you get my point then. 147 00:07:52,984 --> 00:07:56,134 -Yeah, people still play it at parties. -Well, all right, Roz! 148 00:07:56,987 --> 00:07:59,387 Hey, Roz, I hear you're trying out for a new job. 149 00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:03,452 Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. And you could really help me with my demo. 150 00:08:03,619 --> 00:08:05,787 -What do I do? -I just want an honest answer. 151 00:08:05,871 --> 00:08:08,122 -I want to talk to you about first dates. -Okay. 152 00:08:08,206 --> 00:08:11,459 Are you sure Dad's the best candidate for this particular subject? 153 00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:15,797 Quick survey. How many Crane men here with a girlfriend? 154 00:08:17,465 --> 00:08:19,967 No, no. Keep them up while I count. 155 00:08:20,259 --> 00:08:21,635 All right, here. 156 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,553 -Sure, I'll help you. -ROZ: Great. 157 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:27,141 -Okay, Frasier… -FRASIER: Just a minute. Here we are. 158 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,060 -ROZ: Start the tape. -FRASIER: Yes. 159 00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:33,228 ROZ: We're here with Martin, and we're talking about first dates. 160 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:36,983 Martin, tell me some of the tricks you use to impress women. 161 00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:41,988 Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Roz, but I really don't know any tricks. 162 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:45,657 I mean, if a woman agrees to go out with me, I'd… 163 00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:48,702 Well, I'm not there to impress her or to play cool. 164 00:08:48,869 --> 00:08:52,330 I'm there because I want to know her. You know, what she thinks, 165 00:08:52,497 --> 00:08:56,834 what she likes. So that if I'm lucky enough to get another date, 166 00:08:57,001 --> 00:08:59,451 I can plan something that I know she'd like to do. 167 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,882 I guess I'm still old-fashioned or something, 168 00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:05,718 but I think you should treat a woman like a queen. 169 00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:13,850 Bow to the master, boys. Bow to the master. 170 00:09:16,102 --> 00:09:18,188 -Hey, Bebe! -Bulldog Briscoe, 171 00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:20,522 my absolute favorite client! 172 00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:22,608 Hello, Bebe. 173 00:09:22,774 --> 00:09:27,029 And Frasier Crane! Alert the judges, we have a tie! 174 00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:31,658 Hello. Oh, my goodness, what a flock. These all yours? 175 00:09:31,742 --> 00:09:34,118 Yes. The minute I heard about the auditions, 176 00:09:34,285 --> 00:09:37,413 I piled all my hottest new discoveries into the van. 177 00:09:37,747 --> 00:09:39,697 -You brought them in a van? -I call it 178 00:09:39,832 --> 00:09:42,418 my Bebe's Stars of Tomorrow Tour. 179 00:09:43,127 --> 00:09:45,712 People, I want you to meet Frasier Crane. 180 00:09:45,879 --> 00:09:47,630 -FRASIER: Hello. -The caring-est client 181 00:09:47,714 --> 00:09:49,132 -an agent ever had. -Well… 182 00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:53,470 Frasier, this is Professor Pete, the human encyclopedia. 183 00:09:53,637 --> 00:09:56,556 Ask him anything. He can't be stumped. 184 00:09:56,723 --> 00:10:01,101 Well, all right. Explain Freud's theory of the superego. 185 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:06,398 Sigmund Freud, noted psychiatrist, was born in Vienna. 186 00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:10,984 -But that's not what I asked. -He believed dreams 187 00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,613 had secret meanings. 188 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,157 He just pulls it out of the air. 189 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,869 But if it's a raucous political debate you want, 190 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,621 meet newlyweds Hank and Hannah Finch. 191 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,290 -'Ello, Hank. -He's a right-wing Baptist preacher, 192 00:10:25,457 --> 00:10:28,710 she's a fun-loving bisexual. 193 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:31,505 Conflicts? You bet! 194 00:10:32,339 --> 00:10:36,467 -Have you ever seen such talent? -Well… 195 00:10:36,634 --> 00:10:38,594 God, they're pathetic. 196 00:10:38,761 --> 00:10:40,763 -Frasier, Frasier! -FRASIER: Roz. 197 00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:44,267 -It went really well. -Oh, God, I'm so happy for you. 198 00:10:44,433 --> 00:10:46,809 Do you know what he actually said? At this moment, 199 00:10:46,893 --> 00:10:49,395 -I am the candidate to beat! -Congratulations, Roz. 200 00:10:49,479 --> 00:10:50,980 -That's fabulous. -ROZ: Okay. 201 00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:53,107 -I'm gonna get set up for the show. -Okay. 202 00:10:53,191 --> 00:10:55,652 -I'm so excited. -Okay. 203 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:58,071 Well, rah-rah for little Roz! 204 00:10:58,238 --> 00:11:00,948 Yes, well, I'm really thrilled for her. I am. 205 00:11:01,448 --> 00:11:04,910 But God knows where I'm gonna find another producer I feel so in sync with. 206 00:11:04,994 --> 00:11:07,955 You know, Hank Finch produced hygiene films in the Army. 207 00:11:08,122 --> 00:11:11,124 No, no. Bebe, I don't think so. 208 00:11:12,208 --> 00:11:15,169 Oh, I'm not proud to admit this, but there is a small part of me 209 00:11:15,253 --> 00:11:17,088 that hopes she doesn't get the job. 210 00:11:17,255 --> 00:11:18,923 God, I feel guilty just saying that. 211 00:11:19,007 --> 00:11:22,802 You're so good. Everything makes you feel guilty. 212 00:11:22,969 --> 00:11:25,012 I'm so proud to represent you. 213 00:11:25,178 --> 00:11:28,265 You're like a modern-day what's-his-name. 214 00:11:28,432 --> 00:11:31,601 Pete! Famous German doctor, built a hospital in Africa. 215 00:11:31,768 --> 00:11:34,229 -Albert something? -Hang on. 216 00:11:34,396 --> 00:11:37,773 -Schweitzer. -No… 217 00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:43,278 And that's it for our show today. 218 00:11:43,362 --> 00:11:46,198 But before I sign off, this final note to Karla, 219 00:11:46,365 --> 00:11:50,118 who called us early from the planet Fripton. 220 00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:54,830 The technical term for your condition, which eluded me earlier, 221 00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:58,460 is schizophreniform disorder. 222 00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:00,753 Or in layman's terms: 223 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:06,300 God, you know once in a while, it's nice to just call them as I see them. 224 00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:08,927 ROZ: Hey, what's going on out here? 225 00:12:09,094 --> 00:12:11,513 FRASIER: Oh, good Lord, is it someone's birthday? 226 00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:13,555 I hate to be the one to break it to you, 227 00:12:13,639 --> 00:12:15,689 but Brenda from the newsroom got the job. 228 00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:17,935 -Brenda? -Oh, Roz. 229 00:12:18,144 --> 00:12:21,146 It's total BS. Listen, if you need a little comforting later… 230 00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:24,275 Hey, Brenda, all right! Wait up! I'm there for you. 231 00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:30,280 -Roz, I'm so sorry. -Oh, hell. I'll be okay. 232 00:12:30,906 --> 00:12:33,533 Guess I'd better go congratulate the winner. 233 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:35,327 Right. 234 00:12:37,161 --> 00:12:39,161 Bebe, did you hear what happened to Roz? 235 00:12:39,246 --> 00:12:42,749 -Yes. No need to thank me, darling. -What? What are you talking about? 236 00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,209 I spoke to the station manager. 237 00:12:44,293 --> 00:12:46,545 I told him just how you'd feel if he gave Roz the job. 238 00:12:46,629 --> 00:12:49,215 You did what? Get in here! 239 00:12:49,382 --> 00:12:52,342 I said that Frasier Crane wasn't about to work for a station 240 00:12:52,509 --> 00:12:54,636 -that would steal his producer away. -Oh. 241 00:12:54,803 --> 00:12:57,764 A bluff, of course, but he crumbled like a matzo. 242 00:12:57,931 --> 00:12:59,682 God, how could you? 243 00:13:00,183 --> 00:13:02,726 When I told you I'd hate to lose Roz, I didn't mean for you 244 00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:06,688 -to sabotage her. -You didn't? 245 00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:09,108 Oh, no. 246 00:13:09,274 --> 00:13:12,861 What a horrible misunderstanding. Wink! 247 00:13:15,029 --> 00:13:16,531 I mean it. 248 00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:19,033 Oh, I see. 249 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,161 So when you said in that off-handed way that you hoped 250 00:13:22,328 --> 00:13:28,166 that Roz wouldn't get the job, I totally misinterpreted you. 251 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:31,670 -Wink! -Will you stop winking! 252 00:13:32,671 --> 00:13:36,049 My God, I could never want such a thing! 253 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:39,009 God, maybe there's some way I can still reverse this. 254 00:13:39,176 --> 00:13:42,095 Oh, that was fun. I got to watch Brenda sign her new contract. 255 00:13:42,179 --> 00:13:44,479 Roz, I think what they did to you is monstrous. 256 00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:47,143 I wish I could stay here and console you, 257 00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:50,062 but my people are waiting for me in the van. 258 00:13:50,771 --> 00:13:53,815 I hope someone cracked a window. 259 00:13:55,358 --> 00:13:57,986 Listen, Roz, there's something we need to talk about. 260 00:13:58,153 --> 00:14:00,253 Oh, Frasier, I know what you're gonna say. 261 00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:03,158 That I tried my best. That I deserved it. 262 00:14:03,323 --> 00:14:05,117 I'm fine with this, really. 263 00:14:05,451 --> 00:14:09,121 Yeah, I gave it a shot. That's what counts. 264 00:14:09,288 --> 00:14:10,497 I didn't get it. 265 00:14:10,706 --> 00:14:12,656 [CRYING] It's not like my life is over. 266 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:15,544 Oh. Oh, no. Oh. 267 00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:22,008 Oh, look at me. I'm so busy feeling sorry for myself 268 00:14:22,175 --> 00:14:24,176 I haven't even thanked you for all your help. 269 00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:27,013 -That's not necessary. -No, it is. 270 00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:28,847 Look how close you helped me get. 271 00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:31,475 It's because of you that I was second choice. 272 00:14:31,641 --> 00:14:33,852 I can't argue with that. 273 00:14:34,019 --> 00:14:35,395 Come for a second. 274 00:14:35,562 --> 00:14:38,106 Listen, there's something I need to confess to you. 275 00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:41,692 You know, as much as I hoped that you'd get the job, 276 00:14:41,859 --> 00:14:47,448 there was a very small part of me, a very selfish part, that… 277 00:14:47,615 --> 00:14:49,200 That hoped you wouldn't. 278 00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:53,036 Oh, that's not bad. That's really kind of sweet. 279 00:14:53,453 --> 00:14:55,454 Well, I'm glad to hear you feel that way because 280 00:14:55,538 --> 00:14:57,456 I happened to mention those feelings to Bebe. 281 00:14:57,540 --> 00:15:01,461 -Bebe? You told Bebe? -It was just in passing. 282 00:15:01,628 --> 00:15:03,712 Oh, great. She torpedoed me, didn't she? 283 00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:06,089 Yes. She told Doug that I'd quit if you got the job. 284 00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,466 -I don't believe this. -I'm glad to see you're as mad 285 00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,009 -at her as I am! -I'm mad at you! 286 00:15:10,093 --> 00:15:11,302 -Me? -How could you do that? 287 00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:14,013 It was just an off-hand remark. How was I to know how she'd react? 288 00:15:14,097 --> 00:15:15,557 She's Bebe! 289 00:15:17,141 --> 00:15:18,893 If you had said you liked my eyes, 290 00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:22,063 they would've been on your desk tomorrow in a Tiffany box. 291 00:15:22,230 --> 00:15:23,940 Oh, God! Roz, I'm so sorry. 292 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,859 Just tell me how I can make it up to you. I promise I will. 293 00:15:26,943 --> 00:15:29,611 -You mean it? -Yes. Anything. Just name it. 294 00:15:29,986 --> 00:15:32,531 -Fire Bebe. -Will that… 295 00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:35,575 Well… How many things… 296 00:15:35,742 --> 00:15:37,661 Isn't there something else you'd like? 297 00:15:38,161 --> 00:15:42,581 The only thing I wanted was that job. And she took it away. 298 00:15:43,415 --> 00:15:45,793 I am not just suggesting this for my sake. 299 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,505 I'm suggesting it for yours. She is your representative. 300 00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:53,133 When she goes out into the world lying and twisting your words 301 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:57,303 and stabbing people in the back, it reflects badly on you. 302 00:15:59,347 --> 00:16:01,182 You're right, Roz. 303 00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:03,184 How can I consider myself an ethical person 304 00:16:03,268 --> 00:16:07,062 when I have the princess of darkness conducting my business for me? 305 00:16:07,229 --> 00:16:10,524 Well, that's it. I'm gonna have to fire that conniving harpy. 306 00:16:10,774 --> 00:16:12,442 I'm very proud of you. 307 00:16:12,609 --> 00:16:14,986 I'm ashamed to think how long I've turned a blind eye 308 00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:16,572 on her unscrupulous behavior. 309 00:16:17,155 --> 00:16:18,407 And what for? 310 00:16:19,365 --> 00:16:23,327 Twenty-percent pay increase? Six-week paid vacation. 311 00:16:23,494 --> 00:16:25,120 An expense account. A travel allowance. 312 00:16:25,204 --> 00:16:28,624 -Frasier! -Well, not anymore. 313 00:16:32,586 --> 00:16:37,340 VERA: Frasier Crane's here. He's not alone. Have a seat. 314 00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:42,554 Frasier, Roz. My two favorite people. 315 00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:44,054 -Not for long. -Bebe, 316 00:16:44,221 --> 00:16:46,306 we've got to discuss what happened this morning. 317 00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:48,642 This time you won't wink your way out of it. 318 00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:53,772 This sounds serious. You two come right in, and we'll solve this thing. 319 00:16:53,939 --> 00:16:57,609 Let's just promise to be totally honest with each other. 320 00:16:57,775 --> 00:17:00,653 We're losing one. Code red. 321 00:17:01,446 --> 00:17:04,324 What can I get you? Champagne? 322 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,075 -ROZ: Nothing. -A massage? 323 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,619 -No, thank you. -BEBE: You're sure? 324 00:17:08,785 --> 00:17:10,620 Vladimir can be here in five minutes. 325 00:17:10,704 --> 00:17:12,497 He will play your spine like a Steinway. 326 00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:14,458 Can we just get started? 327 00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:20,504 Roz, I'm just a wreck about our misunderstanding today. 328 00:17:20,671 --> 00:17:23,215 -Can you ever forgive me? -No. 329 00:17:23,382 --> 00:17:26,510 Why should you? I don't forgive myself. 330 00:17:26,677 --> 00:17:31,265 Bebe, what you did today was unfair, not just to Roz, but to me. 331 00:17:32,557 --> 00:17:35,101 Thanks to you, a strain has been put on our relationship, 332 00:17:35,185 --> 00:17:37,646 both professionally and personally. 333 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:42,233 Now all of this I might be able to let go had it been an isolated incident, 334 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,250 but I've observed that it's just part of a pattern… Are you quite all right? 335 00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:50,199 It's nothing. It's just a silly little cardiac thing. 336 00:17:50,699 --> 00:17:53,868 Go, go! You're distracting my client, and my clients come first. 337 00:17:53,952 --> 00:17:58,122 Oh, poor little Bebe. How many fake pills do you have to take every day? 338 00:17:58,289 --> 00:18:00,791 Yes, did you really think you could deceive us sitting there 339 00:18:00,875 --> 00:18:02,043 popping a bunch of… 340 00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:05,338 Digitalis? Oh, my God! You really are sick! 341 00:18:05,505 --> 00:18:07,340 Well, of course I'm sick. 342 00:18:07,507 --> 00:18:11,009 But it makes me even sicker to think that I've angered you 343 00:18:11,176 --> 00:18:14,387 when all I wanted to do was keep the best damn team in radio together. 344 00:18:14,471 --> 00:18:17,121 Oh, God. We're gonna need a shovel to get out of here. 345 00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:19,559 Yes, all right, Bebe. Be that as it may, I still… 346 00:18:19,643 --> 00:18:21,019 [PHONE RINGS] 347 00:18:21,103 --> 00:18:23,521 I told you, no calls. 348 00:18:25,231 --> 00:18:26,357 What about my sister? 349 00:18:29,485 --> 00:18:30,778 One second. 350 00:18:32,196 --> 00:18:34,489 Did the air bag deploy? 351 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,994 Look, I'm gonna have to call you back. 352 00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:44,499 Frasier's here, and my clients come first. 353 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:49,086 I'm sorry. You were saying? 354 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,631 Since the moment we met, you have shown yourself to be 355 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,883 ruthless and untrustworthy. 356 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:58,303 As these are qualities I do not wish to have associated with my name, 357 00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,637 It's best that we part… 358 00:18:59,762 --> 00:19:01,180 [PHONE RINGS] 359 00:19:01,264 --> 00:19:05,017 -What did I say about calls? -LITTLE GIRL: Auntie Bebe? 360 00:19:05,977 --> 00:19:09,063 Oh, Suzy. 361 00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:13,024 Sorry to hear about your mummy's accident. 362 00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:15,819 I'm frightened, Auntie Bebe. 363 00:19:16,403 --> 00:19:18,447 Don't be, little one. 364 00:19:18,613 --> 00:19:23,409 If Mummy goes to heaven, will you take care of me? 365 00:19:26,871 --> 00:19:32,918 Of course, my little lamb. Assuming that I have the resources. 366 00:19:34,503 --> 00:19:36,295 Bebe, you know, I can't help noticing 367 00:19:36,379 --> 00:19:38,464 that none of your outside lines are lit up. 368 00:19:38,548 --> 00:19:41,217 The bulbs are broken. 369 00:19:45,513 --> 00:19:46,890 Auntie has to go. 370 00:19:47,056 --> 00:19:50,475 I'm with a client, and you know what we say about clients. 371 00:19:50,559 --> 00:19:54,021 They always come first. 372 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,650 -You are amazing. -Is there nothing you won't stoop to? 373 00:19:59,276 --> 00:20:03,446 I had no idea who I was speaking to! 374 00:20:03,613 --> 00:20:05,823 How dare you impersonate my niece! 375 00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:09,702 I've had enough of your cruel jokes! You're fired, Mother! 376 00:20:12,704 --> 00:20:14,414 -I just wanna say… -No! Stop! 377 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:17,000 Not one more crooked word! 378 00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:20,045 Your tongue could open a wine bottle! 379 00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:25,508 As of now, Frasier Crane has resigned from your coven. 380 00:20:25,674 --> 00:20:29,178 Oh, that's it, is it? I'm not virtuous enough for you? 381 00:20:29,345 --> 00:20:34,892 Not noble? Fine, quit! Next time you need a deal made, call the Dalai Lama! 382 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,563 A long time ago I had to make a choice between being a good agent 383 00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:44,400 and a good person, because, trust me, you can't be both! 384 00:20:44,567 --> 00:20:48,154 So forgive me if I don't have time to make everybody feel warm and fuzzy. 385 00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:51,615 I am just too busy spending every waking minute pulling any string, 386 00:20:51,782 --> 00:20:55,953 playing any shameless trick I can to make my clients' dreams come true. 387 00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,039 I am a star maker! 388 00:20:59,540 --> 00:21:02,500 And if you can't appreciate that, there are plenty who can. 389 00:21:02,959 --> 00:21:04,376 How about you? You want an agent? 390 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,253 -Oh, please! -You mean it? 391 00:21:06,337 --> 00:21:08,297 FRASIER: Roz! 392 00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:12,426 I never had an agent. It's not like she worships the devil. 393 00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:15,387 Well, she doesn't have to. He worships her! 394 00:21:18,390 --> 00:21:21,601 You're absolutely right, Frasier. Forget it, Bebe. No way. 395 00:21:21,768 --> 00:21:23,770 That voice. I could listen to it all day. 396 00:21:23,854 --> 00:21:26,939 It's pure, yet smoldering like a nun with a past. 397 00:21:27,189 --> 00:21:29,524 -You think so? -No, Roz, don't look her in the eye. 398 00:21:29,608 --> 00:21:32,570 I could triple your salary. Voice-overs, commercials… 399 00:21:32,736 --> 00:21:34,655 Roz, listen to me. For God's sake, 400 00:21:34,822 --> 00:21:37,282 if you've got the tiniest shred of sense or dignity left, 401 00:21:37,366 --> 00:21:40,326 remember what this woman did to you this afternoon. And renounce her. 402 00:21:40,410 --> 00:21:43,872 She has no scruples. No ethics. And no reflection! 403 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,210 ROZ: Let's get out of here. 404 00:21:49,419 --> 00:21:53,630 Well, nice doing business with you. Wink! 405 00:21:55,424 --> 00:21:57,801 Oh, damn it. Frasier, I forgot my purse. 406 00:21:57,968 --> 00:21:59,928 -All right. -ROZ: Just be a minute. 407 00:22:00,345 --> 00:22:02,639 -Lunch tomorrow? -12:30. Bernardi's. 408 00:22:02,806 --> 00:22:04,098 Gotcha. 409 00:22:07,935 --> 00:22:08,977 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 410 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:12,038 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 411 00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,691 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 412 00:22:14,775 --> 00:22:16,025 Oh, my. 413 00:22:16,109 --> 00:22:18,319 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 414 00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:20,947 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 415 00:22:21,031 --> 00:22:23,199 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 416 00:22:23,283 --> 00:22:24,742 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 417 00:22:24,826 --> 00:22:28,329 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 418 00:22:29,246 --> 00:22:31,332 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 419 00:22:32,207 --> 00:22:33,584 Good night!