[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, that's it for today, Seattle.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good day and good mental health.
-All right, move it. -Oh, God.
-Person waiting for the booth here. -[HONKS HORN]
That is not amusing when you do it in the men's room. It's not amusing now.
All ready then, Bulldog?
-What are you two doing? -We're recording an ad for a new sponsor.
We only got a minute here, so scram, both of you.
Oh, by the way, Roz, baby or no baby, your ass has never looked better.
Shut up.
How sick is that?
He's just being Bulldog.
No, that I liked hearing it.
"Hi, I'm Bulldog Briscoe."
"And I'm Gil Chesterton.
When Bulldog and I are out on the town together…"
"Whether it's opening night at the opera…"
"Or rooting our Mariners to victory…"
"We always round out the evening the same way,
with a nice, relaxing cup of Happy Dreams Tea."
Mmm.
"We're making some right now.
How many lumps do you like, Gil?"
"One, please."
-[PLOPS] -"Ouch. Gets me every time."
"Happy Dreams Tea.
One cup, you'll have happy dreams the whole night through."
Yes. Perfect. One take.
Well, my "ouch" could be a bit more convincing.
-Ow! -We'll splice that in later.
What the hell was that?
It's the new station manager's idea.
He's getting some of the on-air talent to record commercials for the new sponsors.
You're not disappointed he didn't ask you to do it, are you?
Oh, yes. About as disappointed as I was when that hypnotist
at the Christmas party picked them to come up on-stage
-and groom each other like monkeys. -Oh, yeah.
-You really lucked out at that party. -Mm.
He didn't make you do anything silly. No, sir. [LAUGHING]
Roz.
-Daphne, what are you doing here? -Hi, Daph.
Dr. Crane's car's in the shop, so I'm a chauffeur for the day.
-Huh. -It may take a while to get home.
There's a rally on Pine Street holding up the traffic.
Oh, what sort of rally?
Apparently they're trying to save some old bookstore from being torn down.
-Not Hirsch & Sons? -That's the one.
Some developer wants to build a strip mall there.
They can't do that. That's a Seattle landmark.
My God, Mark Twain gave a reading there.
I know that place.
I used to have a boyfriend who liked to make out in the occult section.
Well, frankly, I'm terribly upset about this.
I think we'll go down there and join that rally.
Good for you, Frasier.
I refuse to stand idly by
while some fat-cat bully rides roughshod over the little people.
I don't want to go to a rally.
Oh, tough luck. You're the chauffeur.
[CROWD CLAMORING]
[SIREN WAILS]
[CAR HONKS HONKING]
DAPHNE: This is actually exciting.
I never thought you to be the protest kind.
Oh, on the contrary, Daphne.
I was quite the activist in my college days.
There's nothing like throwing in with a band of scruffy young rebels
thumbing their noses at convention.
So did you go in for the whole package then?
-Long hair, bell-bottoms, beads? -Oh, heavens no.
No. I did have a pair of psychedelic suspenders that raised an eyebrow or two.
-This seems good, don't you think? -Yeah.
Ah.
-Hello. -Hello.
Hey, this is great.
Look, everybody, it's Dr. Frasier Crane.
-Oh. [CHUCKLES] -[CROWD CHEERING]
Hi, hi. Hello. Good to see you.
Dr. Crane, would you like to say a few words?
Well, all right. I'll keep it simple. Uh…
Be strong, people.
Our cause is just.
-To the barricades. -[CROWD CHEERING]
Daph, this is sort of fun, isn't it? [CHUCKLES]
People, this is your final warning.
-Now who do you suppose that is? -It's the police, I think.
Disperse now or we will take action.
-What do you suppose they mean by that? -We're not going anywhere, are we?
CROWD: No!
You don't think they're talking about jail, do you?
Who knows? It's exciting, isn't it?
They're gonna have to drag us out of here, aren't they?
CROWD: Yes!
They don't actually drag people away anymore, do they?
'Cause they're too afraid to arrest us, aren't they?
CROWD: Yeah!
Oh, well, now you're just provoking them.
All right, people, you had your warning.
Oh, man.
They weren't kidding.
Well, there go the first lucky martyrs to our cause.
At the rate they're dragging people away, there'll be nobody left to protest.
Daphne, I better go get some reinforcements.
Dr. Crane. Dr. Crane, where are you going?
Solidarity, brothers!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
-Oh. Hello, Niles. -I hope you're free tonight.
I just secured a table at the most exclusive new restaurant in Seattle.
I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood.
At least hear me out.
This place is the hottest new thing in fusion cuisine.
Oh? What cuisines are being fused?
Polynesian and Scandinavian.
It's called "Mahalo Valhalla."
Perhaps there's a reason God put those two countries so far apart.
I had my doubts too,
but my gourmet newsletter gave three and a half whisks
to their coconut herring.
Look, I'm sorry, Niles.
Tonight's just a bad night.
Daphne's been hauled down to jail. Dad's down there trying to bail her out.
What?
Yes. Don't worry, they should be home any minute.
It's just that she was down at that rally for Hirsch & Sons bookstore.
The worst part of it is I convinced her to go.
When they started hauling people away,
I chickened out and ran.
You left her there?
It was a thoroughly shameful performance.
Although I did clear that privet hedge in front of the funeral home
like a Kentucky show horse.
What has happened to me, Niles?
I used to be so courageous,
to fight for things.
When did I become so middle-aged, so timid?
Don't be so hard on yourself.
It's part of life. We all get a bit more cautious as we get older.
Not me.
God, it was only five years ago I packed up my whole life in Boston,
moved across the country to start over.
That took real courage.
Now… [SCOFFS] the biggest risk I take is saying to Dad,
"Hey, let's go out to dinner. You pick the restaurant."
[DOOR OPENS]
FRASIER: Daphne.
Daphne, it's so good to have you home safe and sound.
Sod off.
-She's a little mad at you. -Yes, thank you, Dad.
Daphne.
I am so sorry.
I feel just terrible.
As you should.
You left me handcuffed and helpless.
If you ever find yourself in that position again, be sure to call on me…
For help.
Mm.
Thank you, Dr. Crane.
Shame on you, Dr. Crane.
Why can't you be more like Dr. Crane?
I can't believe it took me six hours to get her out.
In my days, cops could count on a few perks, you know?
No speeding tickets. Get your friends out of jail fast.
It's all gone to hell.
Yes, well, let's hope they never do away with that
"all jewelry up for grabs in the morgue" policy.
There is no way I'm letting this dinner reservation go to waste.
Frasier, last chance.
Thanks anyway, Niles.
Very well.
Hey, Dad, what about you?
You know, Niles, maybe I will come and get a bite with you.
Sitting around six hours in that station house…
I could eat anything.
-Well, let's go, then. -Well, good. I can't wait.
-Where're we going, anyway? -Oh, well…
Hello? Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
What toppings? Huh.
Uh, just a second.
Dad, what do you want on your pizza?
-Pepperoni. -Pepperoni, please.
MAN: Anyway, we've been fighting a lot
and she's never in the mood for sex anymore.
I think she must be having an affair.
Now, now, Patrick, let's not give in to paranoia.
Just because your wife is avoiding sex lately
doesn't mean she's being unfaithful.
You said yourself you haven't been talking lately.
Why don't you try re-opening the lines of communication tonight
by surprising her with a nice, romantic dinner?
Tonight's no good.
She's working late on her boss's boat again.
But tomorrow's okay.
Thanks, Dr. Crane.
[CALL DISCONNECTS]
FRASIER: Roz, what do you say we turn things over
to our eye in the sky, Chopper Dave, with the traffic report?
Frasier, I want to introduce you to someone.
This is our new station manager, Kenny Daly.
-It's a pleasure. -Oh, no, no, no, it's my pleasure.
I have to say, I'm just a… whoo!… a huge fan.
Oh.
I only had this reaction once before.
Did you ever hear of Norman Mailer?
Of course, the author.
Oh, no, no, I'm talking about the drive-time guy, worked out of Tampa?
-"Norman in the Morning"? -Ah.
So funny you'd pray for traffic.
[GIGGLES]
Well, I'll try to catch him the next time I'm in Tampa.
In the morning. [CHUCKLES]
-Well, I gotta run. -Yes.
-It's been great meeting you. -You too.
Bye.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I got a call from the Happy Dreams Tea people.
They had a bunch of spots scheduled for your first hour
-and you forgot to read them. -Actually, I didn't forget.
I had a look at the copy, and, well, I couldn't read it.
Oh? Why not?
Well, just listen to this.
Here. "One cup of Happy Dreams Tea
and you'll have happy dreams all night long."
Well, the fact is that dreams are a by-product of unresolved emotion.
No tea can promise happy dreams.
-Oh, okay, I totally get that. -FRASIER: Ah.
Here's my problem.
Our ad revenues are down and they're a major new sponsor.
I, uh… I just promised them you'd read the ads this hour.
Yes, but as a psychiatrist, I can't.
They're promising something that's impossible.
Okay, okay. Now I understand.
What if we just think of it more as a slogan?
But it's not a slogan.
If I, as a doctor, read it, it sounds like medical advice.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
Now, totally get it.
So instead of saying, "This is Dr. Frasier Crane,"
just don't say "doctor."
Kenny, perhaps I'm not making myself clear here. Let's try this.
I will never read this copy.
Oh, this is the part of my job I really hate.
You take a stand like that… And I totally respect it, by the way.
…and you force my hand.
That's our biggest sponsor.
Unless you're willing to go on the air right now and read that ad,
I have to fire you.
Ten seconds, Frasier.
Well, I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it.
-I guess I have no choice. -Oh, thanks, Dr. Crane.
Ooh, what a relief.
Hello, Seattle.
The people who know me best will not be surprised by what I'm about to tell you.
I am not a man
who betrays his principles.
I am not a man who misleads his listeners
and I am not a man who will shrink from a fight.
Today I find myself in a fight over the content of my show.
But rather than truckle to the forces of commercialism,
I've decided to take a stand on principle, even it means…
-I'm not on the air, am I? -No.
-Ah. -He put on the Best of Crane.
How much did I get out?
Well, let's see.
[ON RECORDING] People who know me best will not be surprised
by what I'm about to tell you.
I am not a man…
…perfect.
So they actually fired you?
Yes.
And I must say, it feels good to take a stand like this.
I feel like my old self again.
I'll tell you one thing, I don't envy Kenny.
[LAUGHS] Feeling the cold stares of the other employees
because he's fired the station's most popular personality.
He fired Tooty, the story lady too?
Very funny, Niles.
God, who would have thought that getting fired can make one feel so alive?
Well…
What do you want?
Another staring contest, I suppose?
Well, you picked the wrong day for that, boyo.
Ha!
Take that.
Oh, Frasier, what're you doing home?
Oh. Well, Dad, brace yourself.
The station fired me. You'll be seeing me this time every day.
Oh, no, that's terrible.
I assume you mean the firing part.
Well, yeah.
So, what happened?
Well, simply put, they asked me to violate a principle I believe in,
and I refused.
Then I'm proud of you. What did they want you to do?
Well, there's this product called Happy Dreams Tea.
They wanted me to say that it gives people happy dreams.
And?
That's it. I couldn't make a claim like that.
Every commercial promises something they can't deliver.
-That's what makes it a commercial. -That may be…
It's like that cologne that's supposed to drive women wild.
I used it all my life
and never had a single strange woman come on to me.
Except for that year that I worked in Vice.
Yes, I understand.
But that wasn't about cologne.
Yes, I understand.
-They were hookers. -I realize that.
Frasier, don't be angry with me, but I do have one theory.
I was wondering when you'd get around to that,
so please, just allow me.
I was so ashamed of my chickening out at the rally
that I grabbed at the first fight that came my way.
It turned out to be the wrong fight and I needlessly lost my job.
If you follow that theory through to the end,
this heady feeling of euphoria I'm experiencing right now
is frankly nothing more than a deep-seated denial.
So have you considered it?
-Not for a second. -All right.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh.
Hello.
Look, I must be the last person you want to see right now, but please listen.
Since I fired you, I haven't been able to eat or sleep.
Kenny, it's only been an hour and a half.
Well, I'm a napper.
I just came to tell you I was wrong.
All I've been able to think about was I just fired a man
who was willing to go to the mat for his principles.
What does that say about my principles?
But before I go on, have you had any job offers?
-He's had four. -Dad.
-Shut up. Shut up. -He hasn't…
I'm still technically available.
Think about coming back to work tomorrow
because the first thing in the morning,
I'm telling the Happy Dreams people you're uncomfortable with their ads.
At KACL, the talent comes first.
Well, what can I say but…
See you tomorrow.
Oh, this is so great. Oh, I'm so relieved.
Uh, can I buy you a beer just to show we have no hard feelings?
I would love that. As long as I don't have to endorse it afterwards.
-[LAUGHING] Ouch. -[LAUGHING]
Zing.
I guess I had that one coming. Nice meeting you.
-MARTIN: See ya. -Bye, bye.
Good afternoon, Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.
And I would like to begin today by apologizing
for my abrupt departure from the airwaves yesterday.
You see, I was embroiled in a conflict with the management.
I'm happy to report that it has been resolved,
thanks to the efforts of our new station manager,
a courageous and principled young man, Ken Daly.
I won't bore you with all the details,
but suffice it to say, he took on the big guys and won.
Anyway…
I apologize for our brief interruption yesterday
and I assure you that…
Today's will be even briefer. Roz, let's go to commercial.
Oh.
Kenny. Kenny, what's going on?
Actually, it's the darndest thing.
I got fired.
What?
Well, how did that happen?
Well, I told the sponsors you wouldn't be reading their ads.
Next thing, I'm getting called into Mr. Martin's office in the Black Tower.
I told them that sponsors are easier to replace than talent.
He said I was easier to replace than anybody.
Then he called me a pinhead and took my Coke away.
That's terrible.
FRASIER: Oh, Kenny, I…
I can't help feeling that this is all my fault.
No, these things happen.
And if I gotta get fired sticking up for someone, I'm just honored it was for you.
Now I'll have time to finish building that nursery in my new house.
We're expecting.
[BEEPER BEEPS]
Oh, there's my wife now.
She's gonna get a kick out of this coincidence,
me and her getting fired in the same week.
Oh.
-May I? -Of course.
We have got to get Kenny's job back.
How are we supposed to do that?
Well, we'll just round up all the talent,
go down to Mr. Martin and demand that he rehire Kenny.
Mr. Martin owns the station.
-We can't give him an ultimatum. -Well, it's not an ultimatum, Roz.
We'll appeal to the man's sense of decency.
You know, Kenny went to bat for me. We owe him at least that.
Kenny hasn't asked for our help. For all we know, he'll be fine.
How do you like that? She's having twins.
Heck of a time for me to lose my insurance, huh?
Well, you guys take care.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
And together, we can do this.
The most important thing is to present a united front.
What is the matter with you people?
Isn't it obvious? We're frightened.
Of what?
Of everything. We're in a building called the Black Tower.
Those guards in the lobby must have been seven feet tall.
And that metal detector thing we had to go through was really scary.
It was even scarier finding out Gil wears an anklet.
FRASIER: All right, that's enough.
Now get off the elevator, all of you.
I'm ashamed of you.
Intimidated by a building.
We're here for Kenny.
The man who wants to start KACL day care, Roz.
The man who approved the extra airbrushing charges
on your new publicity photos, Gil.
And, you, Tooty.
Who was it that just doubled the story time puppet budget?
I know Kenny's a great guy, but I met Joe Martin once.
He was a very scary man, with eyes as cold as a winter night…
Oh, all right, Tooty.
Oh, Mr. Martin.
-Hello. -Do you have an appointment?
Mr. Martin, my name is Dr. Frasier Crane.
I am here with some of the other talent from KACL.
My producer, Roz Doyle.
Gil Chesterton, food critic.
Bob Briscoe, sports.
Tooty Feingold, the story lady.
Ray Schmidt, the greengrocer, and Miss Judy, arts and crafts.
I'm sorry, Judy, I don't know your last name.
I don't have time for this. I'm in the middle of a meeting. Please.
This will only take a moment, Mr. Martin.
This morning you fired Kenny Daly,
a wonderful station manager and a man of integrity.
That is a very rare quality in this industry, Mr. Martin.
I promise you, you fire all the Kenny Dalys, what are you left with?
A bunch of sycophants and yes-men. Am I right?
ALL: Yes, you're right.
Now, it would be a great risk to hire Kenny back.
But I'm here to tell you that a man that stops taking risks in life
pays a very dear price indeed.
I know whereof I speak.
And I can see that I'm getting through to you,
so let me just leave you with one last question.
What kind of radio station do you want?
You know, Dr. Crane, that is the exact question
I've been asking myself all through that board meeting.
As you know, our ratings are down
and the number crunchers in there
think they can fix this thing by sucking up to our sponsors.
Ha, ha. Well, that's not what I think.
-Bravo. -Thanks to you,
I'm going with my gut on this one.
You bet you are.
I'm going to march right in there and tell them that we're doing it my way.
No more talk.
Exactly. Action.
No. No more talk radio.
From this moment on, the station is all Latino music, all the time.
I beg your pardon?
Thank you, Dr. Crane. I'm going back to my roots.
Uh, but, uh, just…
I may have walked out of that meeting Joe Martin, corporate sellout,
but I'm walking back in José Martinez, risk taker.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[DOOR CLOSES]
-What the hell just happened? -You just got us all fired.
-What did you say? -All right, all right, don't panic.
[SPANISH LANGUAGE "FRASIER" THEME PLAYING]