1 00:00:02,310 --> 00:00:04,312 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:12,568 -Hey, how you doing, Doc? The usual? -Please. 3 00:00:12,652 --> 00:00:13,819 I'll have my usual too. 4 00:00:14,528 --> 00:00:16,863 -Uh, and that would be… -Oh. 5 00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:19,156 Come on. I come in here every day. You must remember. 6 00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,824 -Uh… -My usual is… 7 00:00:21,908 --> 00:00:23,243 A half-caf… 8 00:00:24,577 --> 00:00:25,577 Cappuccino… 9 00:00:27,746 --> 00:00:29,580 With a light dusting of… 10 00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:30,831 -Nutmeg. -Cinnamon. 11 00:00:30,915 --> 00:00:31,749 Got it. 12 00:00:33,458 --> 00:00:35,001 -God, that's infuriating. -Oh. 13 00:00:35,085 --> 00:00:37,502 Well, I come here every bit as often as you do. 14 00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:38,670 Don't take it to heart, Niles. 15 00:00:38,754 --> 00:00:40,588 This person just happens to remember me best. 16 00:00:40,672 --> 00:00:42,048 The next person might just as easily… 17 00:00:42,132 --> 00:00:45,133 Oh, my God. You're Frasier Crane. 18 00:00:45,217 --> 00:00:46,676 Could I bother you for an autograph? 19 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,845 No, you can't. It's never a bother. 20 00:00:49,637 --> 00:00:51,471 -I love your show. -Oh, thank you. 21 00:00:51,555 --> 00:00:54,015 I just think you're like the smartest guy on the face of the earth. 22 00:00:54,099 --> 00:00:57,267 Well, one does hear tales of a certain wise man in Tibet, 23 00:00:57,351 --> 00:00:58,434 but why split hairs? 24 00:00:58,518 --> 00:01:00,228 -There you are. -Thanks. 25 00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:04,648 -Where was I? -You were last seen hiking up Mount Ego. 26 00:01:07,775 --> 00:01:10,735 Enough already. You've been yapping about this all morning. 27 00:01:10,819 --> 00:01:13,904 Well, it's a stupid rule, and it's always we foreigners who suffer for it. 28 00:01:13,988 --> 00:01:16,365 Take another drive on the wrong side of the road today, did we? 29 00:01:16,449 --> 00:01:17,365 No. 30 00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:20,201 It's about my friend Xena. 31 00:01:20,285 --> 00:01:23,328 -Oh, you don't want to hear about it. -NILES: Oh. Hey, Dad. 32 00:01:23,412 --> 00:01:25,371 Uh, Xena? Isn't she the Greek woman? 33 00:01:25,455 --> 00:01:27,414 DAPHNE: Yeah. We've been planning a trip together. 34 00:01:27,498 --> 00:01:29,415 You see, her mother's taking a luxury cruise, 35 00:01:29,499 --> 00:01:31,584 and her ship will be docked in Mazatlán for a week. 36 00:01:31,668 --> 00:01:33,460 She's invited us down to join her, 37 00:01:33,544 --> 00:01:36,545 only I can't go, because me bloody passport's expired. 38 00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:37,755 Well, don't give up hope. 39 00:01:37,839 --> 00:01:39,839 One way or another, we'll get you across that border. 40 00:01:39,923 --> 00:01:42,509 If I have to, I'll snuggle you under an old blanket. 41 00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:44,968 Don't you mean "smuggle"? 42 00:01:45,052 --> 00:01:47,554 I'm using code language. You can't be too careful. 43 00:01:50,182 --> 00:01:51,473 -There you go, Doc. -Thank you. 44 00:01:51,557 --> 00:01:54,184 -Anything for you, ma'am? -Oh, thanks. I've already ordered. 45 00:01:54,268 --> 00:01:57,019 -Oh, I'm sorry. You had the, uh… -Absentminded waiter. 46 00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:58,229 I'll get it myself. 47 00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:05,901 Oh. Roz called. She wanted me to remind you 48 00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:07,652 about your meeting with the station manager. 49 00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:08,569 Ah, yes, that. 50 00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:12,197 He probably wants to discuss my 1,000th radio broadcast. 51 00:02:12,281 --> 00:02:13,240 It's coming up next week. 52 00:02:13,324 --> 00:02:15,408 -You've done a thousand shows? -FRASIER: Yes. Yes. 53 00:02:15,492 --> 00:02:17,701 If I know the station manager, he'll want to mark the occasion 54 00:02:17,785 --> 00:02:21,829 with some sort of gaudy celebration: press, parties, God knows what. 55 00:02:21,913 --> 00:02:25,790 I've never been the kind to go in for that sort of self-congratulatory hoopla. 56 00:02:25,874 --> 00:02:27,166 The work is the thing for me. 57 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:30,168 But, still, a thousand shows, that's quite an achievement. 58 00:02:30,252 --> 00:02:31,336 Well, I suppose. 59 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:34,270 -Who'd have thought, huh? -Not me, that's for damn sure. 60 00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:38,550 Yeah, those first two weeks, "Pee-yew! Open a window!" 61 00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:39,593 All right, Dad. 62 00:02:44,471 --> 00:02:46,347 -Hey, morning, Roz. -Morning, Bulldog. 63 00:02:46,431 --> 00:02:49,015 [GASPS] Oh! My gosh. 64 00:02:49,099 --> 00:02:52,227 Look what Frasier got for me. He's so cute. 65 00:02:53,436 --> 00:02:56,396 "Dear Roz, a huggy bear for the mom-to-be. 66 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,023 Love, Bulldog"? 67 00:02:58,731 --> 00:03:01,483 I, uh, guess I should have known you'd think it was from Frasier. 68 00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:03,943 -Oh, I'm so sorry, Bulldog. -No, no, it's okay. 69 00:03:04,027 --> 00:03:05,611 I know I'm not the warmest guy in the world, 70 00:03:05,695 --> 00:03:08,363 but when it comes to kids, I get kind of, well, you know… 71 00:03:08,447 --> 00:03:11,157 Oh, Bulldog, come here. 72 00:03:11,241 --> 00:03:12,200 Come here. 73 00:03:12,784 --> 00:03:13,992 Oh… 74 00:03:16,954 --> 00:03:19,004 Oh, you're gonna make a good mother, Roz. 75 00:03:20,957 --> 00:03:23,208 Thank you, Bulldog. That's so sweet. 76 00:03:26,961 --> 00:03:27,878 Bulldog? 77 00:03:28,462 --> 00:03:30,755 -Huh? -Oh, get off me! 78 00:03:30,839 --> 00:03:31,797 What? 79 00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:34,299 You just wanted to hug me 'cause my breasts are getting bigger. 80 00:03:34,383 --> 00:03:37,760 Oh, no, I was just trying to get close enough to feel a little kick. 81 00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:39,470 -Ow! -Get out! 82 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,388 Pervert! 83 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,433 Morning, Roz. I got you one of those little muffins that you love. 84 00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:47,809 You're not getting a hug. 85 00:03:50,144 --> 00:03:52,896 Well, I see those mood swings have leveled off nicely. 86 00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:56,106 I'll just run upstairs and have that meeting with Greg in his office. 87 00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:57,649 Oh, wait, it's been canceled. 88 00:03:57,733 --> 00:03:59,567 He wanted to talk to you about your thousandth show, 89 00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:01,194 but I ran into him and I handled it. 90 00:04:01,278 --> 00:04:04,237 All right, let me have it. 91 00:04:04,321 --> 00:04:06,406 What kind of a circus am I in for? 92 00:04:07,198 --> 00:04:09,533 I suppose a garish outdoor rally 93 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,702 like the one they gave for Bob and Nipsy over at KTLK, hmm? 94 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,453 I told them just what you said, 95 00:04:14,537 --> 00:04:17,956 about how the work is its own reward, so you're off the hook. 96 00:04:18,999 --> 00:04:21,042 -They're not doing anything? -Nope. 97 00:04:22,626 --> 00:04:23,835 Well. 98 00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:25,962 Well done, Roz. That's a relief. 99 00:04:28,214 --> 00:04:30,924 Although, I, uh… 100 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,634 I'm not sure I'm being quite fair to you. 101 00:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,844 You see, I did hear that after that rally, 102 00:04:35,928 --> 00:04:38,638 Bob and Nipsy's ratings went up 30%. 103 00:04:38,722 --> 00:04:40,305 Their producer got a handsome raise. 104 00:04:40,389 --> 00:04:41,389 Oh, yeah. 105 00:04:41,473 --> 00:04:43,308 Yes, and you, with the little one coming and… 106 00:04:43,392 --> 00:04:45,267 Well, it's too late now. 107 00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,102 Right. Can't be helped. 108 00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:48,645 Best to just leave it alone. 109 00:04:49,313 --> 00:04:50,480 Still… 110 00:04:51,981 --> 00:04:53,649 There is the benefit to the station. 111 00:04:53,733 --> 00:04:55,608 What's good for KACL is good for all of us, isn't it? 112 00:04:55,692 --> 00:04:56,734 Yeah, that's true. 113 00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,986 Well, I suppose you could just give Greg a call and tell him I'd be willing, 114 00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:01,571 well, for your sake and the station's, 115 00:05:01,655 --> 00:05:04,949 to submit to a small, tasteful, uh 116 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,119 low-key public rally. 117 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:16,123 DAPHNE: I just want to renew my passport! 118 00:05:16,207 --> 00:05:19,584 No! I'm a resident alien here from England. 119 00:05:19,668 --> 00:05:22,170 You know, the country that used to own you people? 120 00:05:23,963 --> 00:05:26,131 You'll go right to the head of the line now. 121 00:05:26,924 --> 00:05:28,675 I can't wait two weeks. 122 00:05:28,759 --> 00:05:33,302 My friend Xena's flying down to meet her mum's ship Sunday. 123 00:05:33,386 --> 00:05:35,346 Don't you put me on hold again. 124 00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:37,014 I'll hang up. I mean it. 125 00:05:38,307 --> 00:05:39,350 I showed him. 126 00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:44,686 Well. It's official. 127 00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:48,522 My thousandth show is now an event. 128 00:05:48,606 --> 00:05:49,815 What's going on? 129 00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:52,358 FRASIER: Oh, nothing short of a media circus 130 00:05:52,442 --> 00:05:55,152 with you-know-who in the center ring. 131 00:05:55,236 --> 00:05:59,738 They're planning a promotional blitzkrieg capped off by a public rally in my honor 132 00:05:59,822 --> 00:06:01,490 at the foot of the Space Needle. 133 00:06:01,574 --> 00:06:03,950 Wow. That's great. You must be thrilled. 134 00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:05,618 Well, of course I'm flattered. 135 00:06:05,702 --> 00:06:07,703 I'm just a little bit embarrassed, Dad. 136 00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:11,087 I'd have been content with a pat on the back and an ice-cream cake. 137 00:06:12,749 --> 00:06:16,251 Oh, Dad, they've asked if you might say a few words at the rally. 138 00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,002 You don't have to if it makes you nervous. 139 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,503 Oh. No problem. 140 00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:22,881 Yeah, I can't tell you how many retirement dinners I've spoken at. 141 00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,883 I think I've still got my old joke book, 142 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:28,344 1,001 Sidesplitters, Rib-Ticklers and Thigh-Slappers. 143 00:06:29,469 --> 00:06:32,388 I'm sure you're a veritable chiropractor of mirth, but… 144 00:06:32,472 --> 00:06:33,513 [PHONE RINGING] 145 00:06:33,597 --> 00:06:37,247 …I think what they're looking for is something just a bit more personal. 146 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,102 Hello? 147 00:06:39,894 --> 00:06:42,104 All right. Roz, Roz, slow down. 148 00:06:43,939 --> 00:06:46,357 Oh, good Lord. The mayor? 149 00:06:47,942 --> 00:06:51,944 Well, has Frasier fever swept all the way to city hall? I… 150 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,279 Well… 151 00:06:54,363 --> 00:06:57,031 All right, Roz, I'll see you tomorrow. 152 00:06:57,824 --> 00:07:00,867 -The mayor's going to be there? -Yes. And not just be there. 153 00:07:00,951 --> 00:07:02,827 He's going to present me with a key to the city, 154 00:07:02,911 --> 00:07:06,746 and afterwards he's going to proclaim it Frasier Crane Day in Seattle. 155 00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:08,247 Way to go, kid. 156 00:07:08,331 --> 00:07:09,248 [DOORBELL RINGS] 157 00:07:09,332 --> 00:07:10,458 Oh! Who can this be? 158 00:07:12,668 --> 00:07:15,837 Some mechanic from the Vatican with my Popemobile? 159 00:07:17,755 --> 00:07:20,131 -Niles. -Frasier, dinner's on me. 160 00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:22,174 -I got some very good news today. -Oh. 161 00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:24,801 What a coincidence. Your brother just got some good news too. 162 00:07:24,885 --> 00:07:26,844 Not so good as mine, I suspect. 163 00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:29,471 But first of all, I have to apologize for being so snippy this morning. 164 00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:31,222 I've been feeling a bit eclipsed lately, 165 00:07:31,306 --> 00:07:33,682 but all that vanished when I reached my office, 166 00:07:33,766 --> 00:07:37,269 for what was waiting on my desk but a gift from the Self-Esteem Fairy? 167 00:07:40,646 --> 00:07:43,815 -The American Journal of Psychiatry. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 168 00:07:43,899 --> 00:07:46,985 I refer you to the "Letters" page, third one down. 169 00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:52,529 "Dear sirs, Dr. Egmont Sanderling's recent article on trichotillomania 170 00:07:52,613 --> 00:07:54,323 "contained several errors." 171 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,824 "He would do well to read the groundbreaking work" 172 00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:58,534 "on the subject published by, among others," 173 00:07:58,618 --> 00:08:00,327 Dr. Alan Caldwell, Dr. Milo Lauderstien…" 174 00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:02,705 -Skip to the end. -[MURMURING] 175 00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:07,248 Ah. "Dr. Geraldine Fennelly and Dr. Niles Crane"! 176 00:08:07,332 --> 00:08:08,834 -Well! -Oh, ho, ho! 177 00:08:10,294 --> 00:08:12,128 Not too shabby, eh? 178 00:08:13,337 --> 00:08:15,588 -That was quite an accolade, Niles. -DAPHNE: Yes! 179 00:08:15,672 --> 00:08:19,216 I had no idea you were such a well-known expert on the… The… 180 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,100 The thing that the letter mentioned. 181 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,554 And the way they saved you for last so you really stand out. 182 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:26,764 Well, it's… 183 00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:31,726 Nothing to kick away the clouds like a heady sip from the goblet of fame. 184 00:08:32,643 --> 00:08:34,060 Which reminds me, I told Jean Claude 185 00:08:34,144 --> 00:08:36,853 to start my victory-martini shaking at precisely eight o'clock. 186 00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:38,605 Off we go, then. [CHUCKLES] 187 00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:40,856 Oh, wait. You had some news yourself. Do tell. 188 00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:43,651 Oh, well, let's just wait for that martini, shall we? 189 00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,407 [PEOPLE CHATTERING] 190 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,118 Happy Frasier Crane Day. 191 00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:00,121 Or is it "Merry Frasier Crane Day"? I can never remember. 192 00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:02,832 Very amusing. 193 00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:04,750 I'll have a half-caf cappuccino. 194 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,419 Sorry I'm late. I stopped halfway to listen to a jolly band 195 00:09:08,503 --> 00:09:10,129 of Frasier Crane Day carolers. 196 00:09:14,216 --> 00:09:17,176 I tried to join in on the "12 Days of Frasier," but, uh… 197 00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:23,222 Forgot the words around day seven. How does it go again? 198 00:09:24,348 --> 00:09:26,648 -I believe it's "Seven snobs a-sniping." -Oh. 199 00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:30,309 You just snipe away. 200 00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:32,311 I take your jealousy as the compliment that it is. 201 00:09:32,395 --> 00:09:34,479 Oh, now, if I indulge in a little affectionate joshing, 202 00:09:34,563 --> 00:09:35,605 it doesn't mean I'm jealous. 203 00:09:35,689 --> 00:09:36,981 I'm nothing but happy for you. 204 00:09:37,065 --> 00:09:38,858 Oh, thank you, Niles. 205 00:09:39,651 --> 00:09:41,526 You know, I'm just a touch skittish today. 206 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,319 All this fuss over me. 207 00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:46,613 Oh, say, is it possible to get these two to go? 208 00:09:46,697 --> 00:09:48,781 To go? We're not due at the Space Needle for an hour. 209 00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:51,492 Yes, well, I thought a walk might do us some good. 210 00:09:51,576 --> 00:09:55,078 Get a little exercise, and maybe I can stroll away my jitters. 211 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,829 Oh, all right. I could use the fresh air. 212 00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:57,997 I'm feeling a tad sluggish. 213 00:09:58,081 --> 00:10:00,331 -Oh, up late last night? -Well, I'm afraid so. 214 00:10:00,415 --> 00:10:04,315 As usual, I left it to the last minute to write all my Frasier Crane Day cards. 215 00:10:11,841 --> 00:10:13,467 [TROLLY BELL RINGS] 216 00:10:14,343 --> 00:10:15,718 What a lovely day. 217 00:10:15,802 --> 00:10:17,845 I'm so glad we decided to walk. 218 00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:19,095 I feel calmer already. 219 00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:20,305 Hey, Doc, way to go. 220 00:10:20,389 --> 00:10:22,223 Oh. [CHUCKLES] I'm listening. 221 00:10:24,016 --> 00:10:27,727 I just hope Dad doesn't get too nervous about his speech today. 222 00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:29,936 I've been giving him little tips all week. 223 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:32,689 Oh, really? As Daphne tells it, you wrote the whole thing for him. 224 00:10:32,773 --> 00:10:34,065 Oh, I did no such thing. 225 00:10:34,149 --> 00:10:36,817 I added a bon mot or two, tidied up the language, 226 00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:38,860 removed any questionable material. 227 00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:41,779 -There isn't a word of his left, is there? -Not a comma. 228 00:10:41,863 --> 00:10:43,656 Oh. I'm listening! 229 00:10:44,657 --> 00:10:47,241 Here's a tip for you. The ones with cameras are tourists. 230 00:10:47,325 --> 00:10:50,410 They have no idea who you are, much less why you're listening. 231 00:10:50,494 --> 00:10:52,120 Oh, Niles, don't be so churlish. 232 00:10:52,204 --> 00:10:53,579 The man clearly waved at me first. 233 00:10:53,663 --> 00:10:55,331 -He didn't wave at you. -He certainly did. 234 00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:57,082 -He was probably waving… -I don't see why… 235 00:10:57,166 --> 00:11:00,209 He was waving for a cab to get away from the scary listening man. 236 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,843 [FRASIER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 237 00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:05,755 FRASIER: Oh, I love this place. 238 00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:09,883 Here you can feel the pulse of the city. 239 00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:13,636 You know what I think when I see all these people here bustling about? 240 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,971 "Low turnout over at Frasier Crane Day"? 241 00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:19,098 No. 242 00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:22,851 I think that they're the reason I love this city. 243 00:11:23,894 --> 00:11:25,561 Stop waving. 244 00:11:25,645 --> 00:11:27,479 What? There's nothing wrong with being friendly. 245 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,397 Well, there is a difference between being friendly 246 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,232 and making a public spectacle of yourself. 247 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,317 [YELLS] 248 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,944 Did you see that? That man tried to assault me with a fish! 249 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,778 Good Lord, Niles, get a grip. 250 00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,614 For God's sake, you become hysterical over the littlest things. 251 00:11:40,698 --> 00:11:43,449 [GASPS] My God! My suede shoes! 252 00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:45,408 You've spilled latte all over them! They're ruined! 253 00:11:45,492 --> 00:11:46,618 I'm sorry. 254 00:11:46,702 --> 00:11:48,370 And it was a half-caf cappuccino! 255 00:11:48,454 --> 00:11:49,913 Why can no one remember that? 256 00:11:51,247 --> 00:11:53,373 FRASIER: Well, I'll just have to replace them. 257 00:11:53,457 --> 00:11:54,541 I'll look foolish otherwise. 258 00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:58,043 Never in my life have I heard such caterwauling over a pair of shoes. 259 00:11:58,127 --> 00:11:59,753 I'll have you know I spent a bundle on them. 260 00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:01,629 -They're Joan & David. -You named them? 261 00:12:01,713 --> 00:12:02,672 Oh, shut up. 262 00:12:05,299 --> 00:12:09,426 Well, these are quite handsome, even if they are just a bit snug. 263 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,387 You can always go back. I think there's a pair in there you didn't try on. 264 00:12:12,471 --> 00:12:14,431 Niles, we weren't in there that long. 265 00:12:15,181 --> 00:12:17,141 My God. The rally's about to start. 266 00:12:17,225 --> 00:12:19,351 Give me your phone. I'll call Roz. 267 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,786 -There you go. -Thank you. 268 00:12:24,396 --> 00:12:26,272 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 269 00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:27,190 ROZ: Hello? 270 00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:30,108 Frasier, do you know what time it is? 271 00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:31,651 Where the hell are you? 272 00:12:31,735 --> 00:12:33,611 We're on the air in two minutes. 273 00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:36,155 I'm sorry. I was involved in a small accident. 274 00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:38,573 I'm fine. 275 00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,908 Just start without me. We'll take a cab. 276 00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:44,042 -Oh. We'll have better luck at the corner. -FRASIER: Right. 277 00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:45,452 Oh, Niles, wait. 278 00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:47,622 Too many fans that way. I'll be mobbed. 279 00:12:48,498 --> 00:12:51,398 We're better off cutting over one block through that alley. 280 00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:55,711 Frasier's running late, so I've got to use you first, okay, Martin? 281 00:12:55,795 --> 00:12:57,504 Oh, oh, yeah, sure, okay. 282 00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,589 Jeez, I was hoping for a little more time. 283 00:13:00,673 --> 00:13:02,924 I haven't even looked at the stuff Frasier wrote for me. 284 00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:07,052 ROZ: Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome also to our radio listeners. 285 00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:09,971 I'm Roz Doyle, and I'd like to thank you all 286 00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,516 for helping us congratulate Dr. Frasier Crane! 287 00:13:14,183 --> 00:13:16,017 [CROWD CHEERING] 288 00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:18,603 ROZ: We've got a full program for you today… 289 00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:21,354 Stop worrying. Dr. Crane's a very good writer. 290 00:13:21,438 --> 00:13:23,981 Well, look at this. I'm gonna die up there with this crap. 291 00:13:24,065 --> 00:13:27,150 Unfortunately, our guest of honor has been detained, 292 00:13:27,234 --> 00:13:31,696 but we do have the next best thing: his dad, Martin Crane. 293 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,616 Thanks, Roz. 294 00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:39,535 Good afternoon. 295 00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:44,205 "Twenty-two years ago, my son Frasier came to me 296 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:46,939 "and asked if I would put him through medical school." 297 00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:49,583 "I agreed to pay for it" 298 00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:52,627 "but remarked, 'I should have my head examined.' " 299 00:13:53,712 --> 00:13:57,506 "Frasier replied, 'Give me eight years and I'll do it for you.' " 300 00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,302 "It was a hard eight years for Frasier," 301 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,554 "but as someone once quipped," 302 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:10,390 'A good psychiatrist never shrinks from a challenge.' " 303 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,600 [CROWD GROANING] 304 00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:18,147 Oh, jeez. 305 00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:24,091 Oh, for God's sake, Niles, will you come out of there? 306 00:14:24,192 --> 00:14:27,527 NILES: Our mugger specifically instructed us to wait for five minutes. 307 00:14:27,611 --> 00:14:29,780 Yes, if he'd intended us to time it exactly, 308 00:14:29,864 --> 00:14:31,656 he wouldn't have taken our watches. 309 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:35,200 All right, all right, calm down. 310 00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:36,868 I see you're new to this whole mugging thing. 311 00:14:36,952 --> 00:14:38,911 I just can't believe I'm missing my own rally. Come on. 312 00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:40,371 These shoes are killing me. 313 00:14:40,455 --> 00:14:43,332 They feel like the work of a skilled Chinese foot binder. 314 00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:46,208 Niles, give me your phone. 315 00:14:46,292 --> 00:14:47,501 I'll have Roz send us a car. 316 00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:50,586 My phone? What do you think the mugger was reaching into my breast pocket for? 317 00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:54,173 The one consolation is he jabbed himself on my emergency sewing kit. 318 00:14:54,757 --> 00:14:56,007 Niles, the pay phone. 319 00:14:56,091 --> 00:14:57,925 [BUSKER PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC] 320 00:14:58,009 --> 00:15:00,135 It's not much use to us unless we can find a quarter. 321 00:15:00,219 --> 00:15:01,178 [COIN CLINKS] 322 00:15:05,473 --> 00:15:07,683 Niles, look. 323 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,600 You cannot be serious. 324 00:15:09,684 --> 00:15:11,893 -You want to rob that poor old man? -We'll pay him back later. 325 00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,019 Frasier, he's blind. 326 00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:15,313 I know. It's the first break we've had today. 327 00:15:16,064 --> 00:15:17,023 I'll distract him. 328 00:15:20,108 --> 00:15:23,777 -Good afternoon. [CHUCKLES] -[CONTINUES PLAYING] 329 00:15:23,861 --> 00:15:24,904 Hello. 330 00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:27,030 Sounding lovely. 331 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,284 Stop! Thief! 332 00:15:32,368 --> 00:15:33,619 Dear God! Run! 333 00:15:39,915 --> 00:15:42,749 BULLOG: I'd like to thank Frasier Crane for his friendship. 334 00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,793 -Excuse me. Mayor Rice? -Uh, yes. 335 00:15:45,877 --> 00:15:48,087 I have a small bone to pick with you. 336 00:15:48,171 --> 00:15:51,548 I can't say I care for the way your city treats us poor aliens. 337 00:15:51,632 --> 00:15:52,632 Uh, you're an alien? 338 00:15:52,716 --> 00:15:53,674 DAPHNE: Yes. Daphne Moon. 339 00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:57,010 You see, my friend Xena and I… She's an alien too. 340 00:15:57,094 --> 00:16:00,179 …we're trying to get down to Mazatlán to rendezvous with her mother's ship. 341 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:01,638 Her mother ship? 342 00:16:01,722 --> 00:16:04,223 Yes, and from what I hear, it's quite spectacular. 343 00:16:04,307 --> 00:16:05,558 I'm sure it is. 344 00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:07,143 Why don't you go with these two gentlemen? 345 00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:08,727 I'm sure they can take care of you. 346 00:16:08,811 --> 00:16:10,729 Well, thank you very much. 347 00:16:10,813 --> 00:16:11,895 -Hello. -GUARD: Hi. 348 00:16:11,979 --> 00:16:13,939 -DAPHNE: Do you two work for the mayor? -Of course. 349 00:16:14,023 --> 00:16:17,275 I suppose I should know that already. You see, I'm a bit psychic. 350 00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:19,943 Oh, ow, ow, ow! 351 00:16:20,027 --> 00:16:22,362 Stop, Niles! Stop, Niles. [GROANS] 352 00:16:22,446 --> 00:16:24,697 Oh, I can't go on any longer. 353 00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:26,282 My feet are killing me. 354 00:16:26,366 --> 00:16:27,240 We lost them. 355 00:16:27,324 --> 00:16:29,826 Most of them dropped out after the first corner, 356 00:16:29,910 --> 00:16:32,161 but that short one with the pigtails was a regular gazelle. 357 00:16:32,245 --> 00:16:33,413 FRASIER: Yes! 358 00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:35,413 Look! 359 00:16:35,497 --> 00:16:37,956 It's even farther away than it was before. 360 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,083 Frasier, the monorail. 361 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,961 -It goes to the Space Needle. -Let's go! 362 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,425 WOMAN [OVER PA]: Welcome to the Seattle Monorail. 363 00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,676 Do you think anyone saw us sneaking on? 364 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,160 No, I think we're all right. 365 00:16:54,761 --> 00:16:56,970 I hate to say it, but it was sort of exciting 366 00:16:57,054 --> 00:16:58,514 flouting the law like that. 367 00:16:59,223 --> 00:17:03,100 Gives you some idea of why outlaws have always been such romantic figures. 368 00:17:03,184 --> 00:17:04,893 Perhaps you might have cut a more dashing figure 369 00:17:04,977 --> 00:17:08,427 had you vaulted over the turnstile rather than crawling underneath it. 370 00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:12,566 I'm surprised the trains are even running on Frasier Crane Day. 371 00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,068 Yes, well, with any luck, 372 00:17:16,152 --> 00:17:18,904 we'll still catch the last 20 minutes of the rally. 373 00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:22,454 Though how I'll explain my lateness, I have no idea. 374 00:17:22,782 --> 00:17:25,701 Certainly can't tell them about the fish, the little girls. 375 00:17:26,702 --> 00:17:29,602 I'll have to make something up, I suppose. Any suggestions? 376 00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:31,455 The train stopped. 377 00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:35,540 -That's not very original. -No, Frasier, the train stopped. 378 00:17:35,624 --> 00:17:38,209 BULLDOG: …counsels people to be open about it… 379 00:17:38,293 --> 00:17:39,668 Good Lord, what's going on? 380 00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:41,295 Excuse me, what's happening? 381 00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:44,130 There's an electrical problem ahead. We're going back to Westlake. 382 00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:46,882 What? But those people are waiting for me. 383 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,133 Oh, they're so close. 384 00:17:48,217 --> 00:17:50,093 I guess it just isn't your day. 385 00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:51,386 But it is my day. 386 00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,304 Don't panic, Frasier. 387 00:17:54,388 --> 00:17:56,140 Oh… Don't panic? 388 00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:58,891 Yes, why should I have any reason to panic? 389 00:17:58,975 --> 00:18:01,142 My God, I'm only gonna miss a celebration in my own honor, 390 00:18:01,226 --> 00:18:02,936 making me a laughingstock forever. 391 00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,646 And why? Because you spilled coffee on my shoes. 392 00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,147 You're blaming me? 393 00:18:07,231 --> 00:18:08,564 If you had the gripping ability 394 00:18:08,648 --> 00:18:10,817 every species above the tree sloth was born with… 395 00:18:10,901 --> 00:18:13,235 Perhaps you should think back on the 45 minutes 396 00:18:13,319 --> 00:18:16,112 you and your ego spent in that shoe store trying on every pair of shoes, 397 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,696 including the ones the manager was wearing. 398 00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,448 -Are you calling me vain? -If the Joan & David fits! 399 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:21,491 -For God's sake. -Oh! Oh! 400 00:18:21,575 --> 00:18:25,870 -The moment you left the cradle… -I'm amazed a head that size fits in… 401 00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,876 I don't even know why I'm yelling at you. 402 00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:38,336 I guess I'm just trying to blame you because I don't want to face the truth. 403 00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:40,923 I'm a big fat phony. 404 00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:44,467 I wanted my day. 405 00:18:46,218 --> 00:18:48,303 I wanted hoopla and fuss. 406 00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:52,389 I practically planned the whole thing myself. 407 00:18:52,473 --> 00:18:53,722 You did? 408 00:18:53,806 --> 00:18:54,766 Yes. 409 00:18:55,975 --> 00:18:58,602 Says a lot about me as a psychiatrist, doesn't it? 410 00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:02,271 I'm a small man. 411 00:19:03,648 --> 00:19:07,526 Well, what does it say about me that I was happy seeing you miss your day? 412 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,360 -You were? -Of course. 413 00:19:10,444 --> 00:19:12,153 I've been jealous of you all week. 414 00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:15,156 I'm a tiny man. 415 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,865 Next to me, you're a giant. 416 00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:20,075 -I stare up at your ankles. -I'd need a stepladder just to… 417 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,369 Oh, let's not do this. 418 00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:26,581 You shouldn't feel guilty, Frasier. 419 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,248 Everyone deserves a fuss. 420 00:19:28,332 --> 00:19:29,250 You above all. 421 00:19:30,709 --> 00:19:32,501 You've helped a lot of people. 422 00:19:32,585 --> 00:19:34,711 They deserve a chance to thank you for it. 423 00:19:36,547 --> 00:19:37,506 Thank you, Niles. 424 00:19:43,552 --> 00:19:45,386 ROZ [OVER MICROPHONE]: Dr. Crane is on his way. 425 00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,179 He should be here any minute. 426 00:19:50,515 --> 00:19:51,558 There it goes. 427 00:19:54,309 --> 00:19:55,394 Goodbye, fuss. 428 00:19:58,521 --> 00:19:59,897 Goodbye, day. 429 00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:10,404 I hesitate to say this, but you still have time… 430 00:20:10,488 --> 00:20:13,448 Stop it. Don't you dare get my hopes up. 431 00:20:14,157 --> 00:20:15,949 That ship has sailed. 432 00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:17,784 That fat lady has… 433 00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:21,162 -Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! -Taxi! Taxi! Tax… 434 00:20:21,246 --> 00:20:22,247 Oh, damn. 435 00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:24,498 I give up. 436 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,833 Well, I don't. This is your day, 437 00:20:26,917 --> 00:20:29,418 and if I can get you there for a curtain call, I will. 438 00:20:29,502 --> 00:20:30,919 I still have the blind man's quarter. 439 00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:33,796 -Stay here. I'm going to call a cab. -Thank you, Niles. 440 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,422 You're a good brother. 441 00:20:35,506 --> 00:20:38,841 -Hey, I hear you yelling for a cab? -Yes! 442 00:20:38,925 --> 00:20:40,510 I can take you if you want. 443 00:20:40,594 --> 00:20:41,844 -Are you serious? -Yeah. 444 00:20:41,928 --> 00:20:44,638 Niles, Niles, let's go! Come on… Ugh. 445 00:20:49,017 --> 00:20:51,434 -What about your friend? -Oh, he'll be all right. 446 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,103 He's got street smarts. 447 00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,188 -Well, where are we going? -Oh, the Space Needle, please. 448 00:20:56,272 --> 00:20:58,981 DRIVER: No problem. Should be there in five minutes. 449 00:20:59,065 --> 00:21:01,715 FRASIER: That's the first good news I've had all day. 450 00:21:02,610 --> 00:21:05,486 -I'm having a pretty rough day myself. -Oh? 451 00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:09,822 Yeah, my ex-wife is getting remarried tomorrow. 452 00:21:09,906 --> 00:21:11,366 In Pennsylvania. 453 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,159 You going to that rally over there? 454 00:21:14,243 --> 00:21:15,786 Oh, as a matter of fact, I am. 455 00:21:16,745 --> 00:21:20,414 I told her I'd come to the wedding, but I've been getting cold feet. 456 00:21:20,956 --> 00:21:22,666 I'd better make up my mind soon, though. 457 00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:24,334 My plane leaves in a few hours. 458 00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:28,526 They don't give you any bargains on those last-minute tickets either. 459 00:21:29,379 --> 00:21:31,255 Oh, maybe this isn't the best time to tell you this, 460 00:21:31,339 --> 00:21:33,758 but I'll have to… owe you for this ride. 461 00:21:36,092 --> 00:21:37,260 Don't worry about it. 462 00:21:39,928 --> 00:21:42,930 We probably never should have gotten married in the first place. 463 00:21:43,014 --> 00:21:45,850 We were young. Had a few good years, though. 464 00:21:46,475 --> 00:21:48,685 Well, that's something, at least. 465 00:21:49,770 --> 00:21:52,062 At least the kids are gonna be there tomorrow. 466 00:21:52,146 --> 00:21:53,147 Kids? 467 00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:54,856 A son and a daughter. 468 00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:57,357 I don't see them much. 469 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,541 They went with their mom when we divorced. 470 00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:04,113 Of course, I think I'm more excited about seeing them 471 00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,697 than they are about seeing me. 472 00:22:06,990 --> 00:22:08,408 Why would you say that? 473 00:22:09,325 --> 00:22:10,409 Just a feeling. 474 00:22:11,661 --> 00:22:14,911 I didn't make much of my life back when Marie and I were together. 475 00:22:15,914 --> 00:22:17,289 I turned it around, though. 476 00:22:17,373 --> 00:22:18,540 I own this car. 477 00:22:18,624 --> 00:22:19,958 Well, it's, uh… 478 00:22:21,292 --> 00:22:22,335 It's a nice one. 479 00:22:23,419 --> 00:22:25,503 You know what the hardest part is? 480 00:22:25,587 --> 00:22:28,755 If I do go, I'll have to see my in-laws. 481 00:22:28,839 --> 00:22:30,966 They were never too crazy about me. 482 00:22:31,841 --> 00:22:33,426 This new guy Marie is marrying, 483 00:22:33,510 --> 00:22:35,302 he's supposed to be some kind of big success. 484 00:22:35,386 --> 00:22:37,436 I don't know what I'd say to any of them. 485 00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:41,974 Part of me thinks I'd just be better off leaving the whole thing alone. 486 00:22:43,058 --> 00:22:44,393 And part of you doesn't. 487 00:22:45,435 --> 00:22:46,852 I would like to see my kids, 488 00:22:47,978 --> 00:22:50,028 especially now they're getting a new dad. 489 00:22:51,981 --> 00:22:53,107 Hell of a choice, huh? 490 00:22:53,191 --> 00:22:57,902 Well, you know, sometimes difficult choices like these can be good things. 491 00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:02,072 They can teach us about who we are. 492 00:23:10,954 --> 00:23:13,122 Well, I've bent your ear enough about this. 493 00:23:14,081 --> 00:23:15,207 Besides, we're here. 494 00:23:16,250 --> 00:23:18,751 No, don't worry about me. I've got plenty of time. 495 00:23:19,335 --> 00:23:20,794 Tell me more about your kids. 496 00:23:22,462 --> 00:23:23,422 All right. 497 00:23:25,297 --> 00:23:26,382 I'm John, by the way. 498 00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:28,341 I'm Frasier. 499 00:23:29,134 --> 00:23:32,136 [BAND PLAYING "WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN"] 500 00:23:40,392 --> 00:23:41,392 Whoo! 501 00:23:41,476 --> 00:23:43,617 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 502 00:23:43,701 --> 00:23:45,562 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 503 00:23:45,646 --> 00:23:46,771 ♪ Make 'em scrambled ♪ 504 00:23:46,855 --> 00:23:48,230 Yeah! Whoo! 505 00:23:48,314 --> 00:23:50,187 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused 506 00:23:50,271 --> 00:23:52,609 ♪ Well, yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 507 00:23:52,693 --> 00:23:53,818 Yeah! 508 00:23:53,902 --> 00:23:56,862 -♪ Salads, scrambled eggs ♪ -♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 509 00:23:56,946 --> 00:24:02,115 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 510 00:24:02,199 --> 00:24:05,159 -♪ They're callin' again ♪ -♪ Scrambled eggs ♪ 511 00:24:05,243 --> 00:24:07,120 So long, Seattle! We love you!