[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, I got your message about the wine club Friday night, and, yes, I will be there.
Oh, good.
Dad's kicking me out of the house that night
so he and Sherry can have a little party.
Oh, you know, life really is a circle, isn't it?
I'm letting Dad use my place for his friends to get together,
and just a few years ago,
it would have been Dad who'd have to leave his house for my parties.
Yes. If you'd had any parties when we were young, that would be filled with irony.
-Oh, thank goodness you're here! -Oh, Daphne.
-I've got some rather shocking news. -What is it?
I found a ring in your father's underwear drawer.
What on earth would leave a ring around his underwear drawer?
Not around, in. An engagement ring in a jewelry box.
An engagement ring.
Dad must be about to ask Sherry to marry him.
-Do you know what that means? -Yes, we're going to hear
what Mendelssohn's Wedding March sounds like on the banjo.
It means she's going to be our mother. What are we going to do?
Well, there's nothing we can do, Niles. It's what Dad wants.
But, but, what'll we even call her?
Well, I suppose she'll want us to call her Mother.
No, no, that's too formal.
No, Mama. No, Ma.
Oh, better still. "Don't you look nice, Ma."
-FRASIER: Mm. -"Yes, I'd love another corn dog, Ma."
"Off to the roller derby, Ma?"
That's typical of you two.
Your father is about to get married,
and all you can think about is how it will affect you.
What about me?
What about you?
Sherry's never exactly liked me.
You don't think she'll try to make your father get rid of me, do you?
Oh, no, Daphne, of course not. He'd be lost without you.
Yes, and even if by some chance that were to happen, Daphne, I could always use you.
I mean, I mean that I, I would know of, of a position you could take that…
Services that you could perform…
I would know of an opening.
This is on me.
Marty, you need to stir the dip more.
It's got whole lumps of soup mix in it.
MARTIN: Sorry.
My, my, my. [CHUCKLES] Quite the little shindig
you two are planning for tonight, huh?
You have the cheese logs…
…erotic fortune cookies.
For after dinner a Bloopers tape…
"Too Hot for Hee-Haw."
I see that Martha Stewart party book I gave you really paid off.
Oh, this old crowd, they wouldn't go for that frou-frou stuff.
Get 'em liquored up, put out some corn nuts, and they can go all night.
-When you say all night… -Here ya go, smooth as silk.
-SHERRY: Mwah. Thank you. -MARTIN: Mm.
Who's going to be attending this soirée?
Oh, just some old friends I'm dying for Marty to meet.
Now let's see, there's Ray and Lola Sherwood.
I worked with them in Atlantic City when they had a knife-throwing act.
Oh, now, Marty, try not to stare at her eye.
She gets self-conscious.
And let's see…
Oh, and Edie's coming with her new fiancé.
-Oh, she finally met him, huh? -Hmm. Just this week.
They're engaged, and they just met this weekend?
Well, you see, up until now, it's been kind of a pen pal relationship.
He's been detained the last few years.
Well, you know, you're going to need some room for those corn nuts.
Why don't I just get this pesky priceless sculpture out of your way?
Marty, I never heard back from Vic and Linda.
-Did you get a message? -No.
Well, gee, maybe they left one on my machine.
So, what are you guys up to tonight?
Um…
Our wine club is having a vertical tasting of the Opus One.
Oh, well, don't drink too much.
Oh, [CHUCKLES] it's not like that, Dad. You don't actually drink the wine.
You just swish it around and spit it out.
We all did that at Duke's New Year's Eve party.
'Course it wasn't wine, it was egg salad.
You know, that is so weird.
I just got a message from my manager down at McGinty's.
Some guy came in asking a lot of questions about me.
-What kind of questions? -Well, like where I used to work,
the people I used to date, and the weirdest part is
my neighbor told me somebody came around asking her about me, too.
Sounds like somebody's checking up on you.
You mean like a detective?
Oh, no, it's probably a credit card company or something like that.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Well, still, it is a little scary.
-I wish I knew who it was. -Oh, forget it, honey.
I've been through this before. Private investigators never leave a trail.
-Really, it could be anyone. -If you say so.
Which one of you hired him?
-That is just crazy! -Come on.
Who else would have the money to do somethin' like that?
I have no idea. We had nothing to do with it.
Do you really think that we would hire someone to spy on Sherry?
-My God, I'm insulted! -As am I.
Well, all right.
Maybe I was jumping to the wrong conclusion.
You most certainly have.
MARTIN: Well, I'm sorry, boys.
-It's all right, Dad. -Just forget about it.
You hired a detective? How could you?
-I have never been so insulted! Oh! -Niles…
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm just looking out for Dad here.
What do we really know about this woman?
She makes Dad happy. That's all we need to know.
Is it? Some people do get married before they know all they should.
Remember Cousin Donald?
He was married two years before he found out his wife used to be a man.
Yes, well…
Cousin Donald is a very rare case.
First, most people don't have a hidden past.
And, second, most people have a better eye for details than Cousin Donald.
For God's sake, the woman could pick up a watermelon with one hand.
I was just simply trying to get some background information.
Well, stop it.
-Call it off right now, Niles. -Consider it done.
-All right. -We've gotta run.
Yeah, yeah.
-FRASIER: Goodbye. -MARTIN: Bye, boys.
Have a nice time, you two. We'll save you some cake.
Thank you. You see that, how sweet she is?
My God, I can't believe you're actually having that woman investigated.
You know, try having a little trust in people.
Quick, is someone following me?
Oh, yes, here comes Lady Law now.
Excuse me, Ma'am, I saw you cross against the light.
-I'm gonna have to write you a ticket. -Oh, I'm really sorry about that.
It's just that it's so cold out there, and the pollution,
and I just didn't want to expose my unborn child
to the elements any longer than I needed to.
You're pregnant.
Well, I know a little bit about that myself.
Well, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Society doesn't go easy on pregnant ladies, does it?
So when are you due?
I'm not pregnant.
That's Roz Doyle.
-Do you want to step over here, please? -R-O-Z…
-Hello, Niles. -Oh, hello, Frasier.
-May I borrow your pen? -Certainly.
How do you do?
I appreciate all your hard work,
and I am sorry to have to break off the investigation in the middle.
INVESTIGATOR: That's all right. People change their minds all the time.
I'm sure they do.
-There you are. -Thank you. Goodbye.
There, now don't you feel better?
I suppose so.
You have to admit I was right on this one.
You had absolutely no justification for giving in to your baser instincts
and prying into Sherry's past.
I almost forgot. I wrote up a little report on what I found out so far.
That's one interesting lady.
Well, I should've just told him to drop that in the trash.
After all, we're concerned with Dad's happiness.
Sometimes, Frasier, you are like a beacon, piercing the fog of my baser instincts.
Excuse me, Miss, would you just drop that in…
Give me that!
You've proven your point.
I hate myself for what I'm doing.
Frasier, we're doing it for Dad's own good.
Well, so far, so good.
-Mm-hm. -Graduated from high school.
Almost paid off her Subaru.
Did you know she'd been married?
Yes, she mentioned that. Uh, to Johnny Dempsey.
There were two others: Ned Foley, Marc Wallace.
Well, that's a bit troubling. Three previous marriages?
Vincent Mayhew,
Milton Mandell…
-…Walt… -Just give me the total.
Six. That we know of.
God, you had to go and fire that detective before he finished his report!
-Six husbands. -Yes.
She's obviously incapable of remaining in a relationship.
That doesn't bode well for the marriage, does it?
On the upside, it does bode well for Dad getting a "yes" when he proposes.
Look, he has a right to know about this.
Yes, but we've already told him we weren't involved in the investigation.
We can't just tell him now we were lying.
Maybe there's some way to impart the information
without explaining how we came by it.
Just sort of drop it casually in the conversation.
And how would that go? "Oh, Dad,
you going to the Sherry Ex-Husband Convention this year?" Please.
Besides that, you know, Dad may know everything already.
Well, I think we need to find that out.
How would we feel if we let Dad marry this woman, and in a year's time,
he's tossed aside like Danny Mitchell?
Who's that?
Page five. Engaged, but never married.
MARTIN: Hey, boys.
-Hey, Dad. -Oh, Dad, hi.
Daph, what do you think about this jacket?
I don't know, it's just, something just doesn't quite feel right.
-I think it's nice. Yes. -MARTIN: Really?
FRASIER: You know, Dad,
I was talking with a lady today down at the cafe.
I happened to mention that I had been married twice before.
Oh, a look clouded over her face as if I had confessed to some unspeakable sin.
Hmm. Makes you wonder what people go through
who've been married even more times than that.
-Quite a taboo they face. -Oh, I don't know. It's so…
[SHUSHES]
You know, Dad, I think it all hearkens back to the puritanical streak
that still runs through this country. What do you think?
There's a yakkety-yak streak that runs through this family.
Maybe it's the shirt. You like this shirt?
Yes, it's nice.
Might make a good topic to discuss on my show, Niles.
You know, the hurdles that are faced by people with multiple marriages.
Of course, the hard part would be rounding up enough people
who've been married a significant number of times.
-Do you know anyone? -No, I don't.
-You know Mrs. Kranz upstairs… -BOTH: Shh!
-How about you, Dad? -Oh, yeah, sure, I know some people.
-Really, you do? -Well, I think.
-You think? -Well, maybe I do, maybe I don't.
Who cares? God, I hate this shirt. I gotta go change this shirt.
-Well, that was fruitless. -I'll tell you one thing I'm sure of…
Yes?
Oh, I'm allowed to talk now, am I?
I've never seen your father so nervous.
He's meeting Sherry at McGinty's,
and I'll bet he's planning to pop the question.
That's it, Frasier, we're just gonna tell him what we found out.
But we still don't know what he knows.
Don't you think if she had told him she'd been married six times
that he would remember?
Who, Sherry?
You know, maybe this shirt isn't so bad.
Uh, especially with this new jacket. What do you think of this new jacket?
-DAPHNE: I think it's nice. -Yeah?
Sherry's been married six times?
Who told you that?
They did.
What's this all about?
I'd love to see that first shirt with the second jacket.
Oh, come on.
You got this from the investigator. You did hire him, didn't ya?
All right, I guess there's no use in denying it.
Yes, yes, we did hire him.
Although the word "we" is not entirely accurate.
-Frasier, I am shocked that… -Oh, shut up, Niles!
Look, Dad, we were just concerned about you.
We know about the engagement ring.
My ring? Which one of you went through my drawers?
Pointing fingers won't do us any good.
-What the hell is the matter with you two? -She did it!
Well, it's nice to know there isn't a single person in this house I can trust.
Sherry told me about her marriages the first week of our dating.
I didn't tell you because it's none of your damn business,
just like it's none of your damn business who I marry or who I don't marry.
I don't know why I'm even wasting my time talking to you.
You see what I get for confiding in you two blabbermouths.
The next time I find something interesting in your father's underwear drawer,
I'm just gonna sit on it.
-Well, this evening is an entire disaster. -Mm.
All right, I'm already late for dinner with Maris.
I just don't know how this could've happened.
Yes.
Who'd have guessed that something so innocent as spying on a man's girlfriend
and riffling his underwear drawer could turn so ugly?
Well, there is one consolation.
We told Dad the truth and we were able to bear his anger.
That's the nice thing about our relationship.
We're all adults.
We can talk things through. We're not afraid of confrontation.
Stop stalling, Niles. Dad must be on the elevator by now.
Look what I found in your father's jacket.
Well, I do not want to know about it.
He forgot the ring. This is going to be embarrassing for him.
-I suppose I could take it down to him. -No, no, Daphne, I should do that.
It'll give me an excellent opportunity to show him
just how happy I am that he's marrying Sherry.
-That would be very nice. -Yes.
You know, I just can't figure out why he would propose in a place like McGinty's.
It seems like such a, a shabby setting.
Well, I guess maybe he was just trying to match the ring.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
So I told her that you and I would take a trip up there this spring.
-Well, you like my sister, right? -Yeah, sure.
Oh, now, come on, Martin.
You can't hold one little embarrassing moment against her.
-She didn't know you were in there. -[LAUGHS]
No, no, I don't. No, I like your sister.
Well, then what is wrong with you? You're being so quiet.
I got somethin' on my mind.
Well, what is it?
I've been thinkin' a lot about us, and…
Where do you see us going?
Well, gee, I don't know.
I mean, I, I'm havin' fun the way things are.
You have your life, I have mine. No pressure.
Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say.
Is there something wrong with that, just having fun?
No. It's… we've been just having fun for a long time now.
Let me ask you something.
Where do you see us in a year?
Five years?
Oh, gee.
I don't know. I try not to look too far ahead.
Well, I guess that's the difference between us.
Because I can't stop thinkin' that far ahead.
But, you know, I've come to realize, Sherry, that…
I want to get married again.
And, you know, that's not anything that you're interested in.
Well, can… can you blame me?
I mean, Marty, you know my track record.
I've been down that road a lot of times.
I mean, um, I've learned the hard way.
I'm not looking for forever.
Well…
I am.
So you're, you're breaking up with me?
We're just looking for different things, Sherry. I'm sorry.
[SIGHS]
God, it's hot in here.
Yeah.
Oh.
[SHERRY, MARTIN TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, Dad, Dad, fancy seeing you here.
-Can I speak with you for a second? -Will you get out of here? Please.
Dad, listen, I've got something with me here that I think you might like to have
before you tell Sherry what you want to tell her.
Oh, he's already told me.
He has?
Well, that is just wonderful.
And may I say, it's about time.
I… I couldn't be happier for you.
-Well, that's nice to know. -Frasier!
Well, Dad, I'd like you to know everybody is 100% behind this decision.
-My God, we're all so excited! -Frasier!
Well, I'm so glad that you're so happy your father is breaking up with me.
Breaking up?
I had no idea.
And you get paid to help people through their difficult moments in life?
It isn't easy saying goodbye, is it?
No.
It doesn't get any easier either.
I should know.
Listen, Marty, this is, um, heh, usually the time people say,
"Well, let's be friends."
And then, oh, there's a phone call or two, but they never see each other again.
Well, I just want you to know that I am around for you
if you ever get lonely or you just need to talk.
-Thanks. -Mm.
Oh, and when you call, if a man answers, hang up.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
Hi, Dad.
Obviously I came down here to bring you this.
Obviously I made another colossal blunder in a week full of them.
Look, I'm really sorry, Dad.
I guess you don't really feel like talkin', huh?
Frasier, sometimes I just feel like…
Sitting and watching a game, all right?
Fine.
I can do that. Yeah. Sure.
Well, so, the, uh, Sonics and, uh…
Bulls. Huh.
That Jordan, he's really somethin', huh? Yeah.
The way he scores those points…
…and gets the ball back when the other team misses.
Wow, well, that's incredible!
He made the same impossible shot twice in a row.
It's the instant replay.
I was carrying this thing around for a month.
-Really? -Yeah.
But at the end of every night, I just…
I just couldn't pop the question.
And then I realized it was because I knew what the answer would be.
She didn't want to get married again.
-I'm sorry, Dad. -Oh, it's all right.
Maybe it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway.
Your mom's a hard act to follow.
I never went through anything like this with her.
We knew we were meant to be together.
And that was that.
It's hard to find that out there.
I've been trying for a while.
You'll get there.
Hope we both do.
You know, Dad, in time…
[TV ANNOUNCERS TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, that was quite a shot!
Payton's been pretty hot lately.
-What's the score here anyway? -Sonics are only down by five.
They've still got a chance if they can hold Jordan.
-Can I get a beer here, please? -Yeah, make that two.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Hey, baby I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salad and scrambled eggs
Quite stylish.
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
Frasier has left the building.