[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, that's all the time we have for this afternoon, Seattle.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good afternoon and good mental health.
Frasier, if I ask your opinion about something,
will you give me an honest answer, not just tell me you think I wanna hear?
Absolutely, Roz.
Any time. All you have to do is ask.
[SIGHS]
I knew it.
Oh, no, no, I'm just kidding. I love it.
-Really? -Yes, it looks great.
-Are you sure? -Trust me.
Okay. Oh, it's just, in my condition, I'm just a little insecure.
Every time I see something cute in the window,
I remember how I look and think, "No way."
Here we go again.
Gosh, that's my cousin.
Nikos, what are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood.
Well, it's great to see you.
My God, it's been ages.
-I'd like you to meet Roz Doyle. -Hi.
This is Nikos, my father's brother's son.
I would've never pegged you for a Crane.
Oh, well, he's half Greek. He gets his looks from his mom.
I bet he gets looks from lots of women.
-Roz. -It's nice to meet you.
You too. I never knew Frasier had a cousin.
I think he's ashamed of me.
Why else would he turn down an invitation to my wedding?
You're getting married?
Yeah, on Saturday.
Don't tell me you didn't get the invitation.
It's the first I'm hearing of it.
I knew it. I knew Mom wasn't telling the truth.
She said she never heard back from you.
-She must still be nursing that grudge. -ROZ: Uh-oh.
This sounds like, you know, personal, private family stuff.
So, what's this grudge you're talking about?
Oh, it's all so silly.
Mom has never forgiven Frasier for some career advice he gave me.
Trust me, he saved me from going down the wrong path.
FRASIER: Well, thank you, Nikos.
I'd certainly hate to miss this wedding.
I wonder if there's some way we could work this out.
-You wanna go grab a coffee? -Sure.
-Great. -So, what was the wrong path?
It's rather a long story.
My folks wanted me to go to medical school.
-Ah. So, what path did you choose? -We don't have the time to go into that.
I became a juggler.
I perform on street corners.
Ah, I see. And all because of his advice.
Tell me, do people sometimes toss you coins?
Sure. Lots of times.
Well, here's something you can catch them in.
It's all your fault, you and your damned advice.
Mr. Crane, Dr. Rudnik asked me to monitor your blood pressure.
I'd like an accurate reading.
-Why don't we try to solve this problem? -MARTIN: I don't see how.
She's vindictive, and she's gonna keep on punishing us because of you.
If you'd kept your big trap shut for once in your life,
my nephew would probably be a surgeon now,
and I'd be going to his wedding.
There, now, 240/11.
That sounds about right.
Personally, I'd have loved to have gone,
but this is clearly a snub, and we Crane men have our pride.
-Right, Dad? -Stop it, Niles.
You're just afraid of seeing Cousin Yvonne.
Who's Cousin Yvonne?
Oh, a distant cousin who has a slight crush on Niles.
A slight crush. There are cannibals who are less man-hungry.
I've always thought it would be kind of romantic to have a secret admirer.
Someone who longed for me that much.
But I do see your point, Dr. Crane.
When you think about it, it is kind of sick.
Yeah, well, perhaps "sick" is a tad judgmental.
I can't believe because of your big mouth, Zora won't even let me in her restaurant.
Forcing you elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings
for stuffed grape leaves and zither music.
It's a moot point.
We're not invited, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually-inept advice.
Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother
and not see him for five years?
No, but I'd like to give it a try.
Dad, I think that we should go to this wedding.
-Forget it. Zora doesn't want us there. -But Nikos wants us there.
My God, I watched that boy grow up. I wanna be there when he gets married.
I'd like to venture an opinion here.
I know this doesn't exactly concern me,
but I feel very strongly about this.
I like zither music, and I always have.
And we're back.
-Listen, Dad… -Drop it, Frasier.
If my brother's wife doesn't see fit to send me an invitation,
I am not just gonna show up.
End of story.
Case closed. That's all she wrote.
Oh, stop it, Niles.
There are more important issues at stake
than you being mauled by Yvonne the Terrible.
Dad is hurt. Can't you see that?
He misses his brother.
God, this is my fault, and I'm gonna put it right.
I'm gonna get in touch with Aunt Zora.
Surely she'll listen to reason.
Aunt Zora.
Well, that's encouraging. She remembered my voice.
Frasier, just give up.
No. She can't avoid me if I go down and meet her face-to-face.
I'm going to go to that restaurant.
Do you have a death wish?
-She'll eat you alive. -Oh, I'm not afraid of her.
Everyone is.
Have you forgotten the family legend that when Hitler invaded Greece,
she joined the partisans so she could strangle Nazis?
Yes, well, I have never believed that.
She would've had to have been five years old.
That's why the legend says they were strangled with jump ropes.
-Oh, stop it. -Ooh.
-[MALLET POUNDING] -[UTENSILS CLINKING]
Dmitri, pick up your order.
Don't make me hurt you again!
Aunt Zora, I realize I'm not the most welcome person here, but…
It is not fair to take my mistake out on your husband or my father.
-They didn't do anything. -ZORA: More pepper.
FRASIER: You have a wedding coming up. You should be joyous.
ZORA: Sponge off this countertop.
Nikos tells me his fiancée's a lovely young woman from a wealthy family
-and you like her very much. -Mop up this slop.
Your heart should be brimming with motherly emotions.
When I find out who bent this, I'm ramming it right in his eye.
You know, I've always wanted to do this, make a trip around the Greek islands.
Aunt Zora, my point is that we are family.
And we should be together.
And I promise, if you invite us to this wedding, I will…
Never give Nikos another piece of advice as long as I live.
I'm through meddling. You have my word.
And if you do invite us to the wedding, I also promise
that I'll promote this wonderful, wonderful restaurant on my radio program.
Every day.
For a month.
Frasier!
[FRASIER, ZORA LAUGH]
-You forgive me? Oh… -Of course, of course.
And you don't just come to the wedding.
You come to the rehearsal dinner too.
Tomorrow night, right here, because we are family.
Here, eat. My very special kokoretsi…
For a very special nephew.
Oh, God, I'm such a softy.
I'll be crying in a minute. Oh…
Me too.
-[BAND PLAYING LIVELY GREEK FOLK MUSIC] -[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Well, I hope you enjoy yourself, Mr. Blessed-Are-the-Peacemakers.
Will you stop complaining?
The rehearsal went beautifully.
Cousin Yvonne didn't get near you.
How could she? I spent half the time hiding in the confessional.
By the way, Mrs. Pappas is having an affair.
ZORA: Here they are!
-My two favorite nephews. -Zora!
[ZORA KISSES]
-Hey! Get me with the boys. -Right.
You know, I am so glad you are coming to the wedding tomorrow.
There is nothing sadder than a divided family.
-Am I right? -Quite right.
Absolutely, absolutely.
When Frasier told me we weren't invited,
-I remember thinking… -There you are, Niles.
Just kill me now.
Oh…
Hello, Yvonne.
Oh, I haven't seen you two in a long time.
No, well, I haven't seen your two in a long time.
You too. Your… You too.
Oh, we've got a lot of catching up to do.
Let's go get us a glass of bubbly.
-Oh, you know, I don't think that's… -Go on, enjoy.
It's none of that sissy French wine. It's real Greek champagne.
Ooh. Save some for me, Niles.
NILES: Oh, oh, oh…
And here he is, my favorite brother-in-law, Marty.
-Aw. -Oh, it's been too long.
It sure has. Say, where's Walt? We've got a lot of catching up to do.
Oh, don't worry, he'll be here.
[GASPS] Who is this pretty young thing?
Oh, this is Daphne Moon. She's my physical therapist.
Oh, that's what they call it these days.
You dirty old man. Oh, ho, ho!
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
This is my fiancée, Mary Ann Taubeneck.
Mary Ann. Oh, it's a pleasure.
Taubeneck. As in the Taubeneck Building?
Yeah, and Taubeneck Park, et cetera, et cetera.
-Ah. -That was my grandfather,
the original robber baron.
Mary Ann has some issues with her family.
-Mm. -MARY ANN: Look at them sulking there.
You should've seen their faces when I told them I was marrying a street person.
-Performer. Street performer. -Oh, right.
Anyway, they've got it coming
after all the debutante nonsense they put me through.
-Would you excuse me? -Mm.
-She's great, isn't she? -Yes.
How did you two meet?
A few months back I performed at one of her parents' garden parties.
-Ah. -They were really snooty to me.
That seemed to spark something in her.
She asked me for a date right in front of them.
She likes to play with her parents' heads.
Yes, well, so did Lizzie Borden.
What do you mean?
Oh, I can't help thinking that…
Nothing. Just a bad joke. She seems like a lovely girl.
Yeah, she really is.
My family adores her. You should hear my mom.
She thinks Crystal's the best thing that ever happened to me.
-Crystal? -Did I say that?
I meant Mary Ann.
I must have been admiring the beautiful crystal there.
That's why I called her Crystal.
Good thing you weren't admiring the pork butt.
I'm so nervous these days, I don't know what I'm saying.
I guess it's just a case of pre-wedding jitters, right?
Nikos, go check on the sous-chef, make sure he isn't into the ouzo.
Last time he drank on duty, he got his head caught in the duck press.
-Oh, really? How did he manage that? -With my help.
So, what were you and Nikos talking about?
Oh, no, no, no, Aunt Zora, don't you worry.
I made you a promise, and I'd die before I break it.
Or soon after.
So you met Mary Ann?
Yes, lovely girl. You must be very proud.
Oh, and relieved.
Do you know that crazy son of mine was going steady
with a juggler for three years? Crystal somebody.
Can you imagine having a daughter-in-law who throws things for a living?
It's embarrassing.
Come, people, let's celebrate tonight!
Hey, Frasier, thanks for settling everything with Zora.
-It's my pleasure. -You know, I can't find Walt.
I've been waiting five years for this reunion.
He must be here somewhere.
Did you know that Nikos and Mary Ann have only known…
Ah! There he is!
This is so exciting. You must have so much to talk about.
Uncle Walt, hello!
Frasier!
[WALT EXHALES]
Marty.
Walt.
What's new?
Oh, same old, same old.
How's tricks?
Eh… can't complain.
-They keeping you busy? -Oh, better believe it.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Yeah, tell me about it.
It's amazing how you two can pick up right where you left off.
Oh.
Huh.
Yes.
Psst.
Put those back.
Niles, do you realize how pathetic this is?
I don't care.
At dinner Zora announced that I'd filed for divorce.
Within seconds Yvonne began purring so loudly my allergies kicked in.
I won't be safe till this wedding is over.
A wedding I'm beginning to think might just be a serious mistake.
Ooh. I like the sound of that.
Does this mean you'll meddle again and get us both thrown out?
I can't. I promised I wouldn't.
-Oh, dear God, here she comes again. -Hi, Frasier, have you seen Niles?
-Why, no, I haven't. -Oh.
-Here we go. -How much longer do we have to stay?
-What are you in such a snit about? -This lot.
Thanks to your sister-in-law, they're sniggering
about me being your physical therapist.
Oh, don't let it bother you. She's always been a pain.
You're telling me. Dried-up old grape leaf.
[MARTIN LAUGHS]
Yeah, and she's one to talk about reputations too.
Between you and me, before she married my brother,
she was easier to make than a peanut-butter sandwich.
-Does everyone know that? -Well, everybody except my brother.
I love him dearly, but he's not exactly the brightest bulb in the, uh…
Uh…
-Bulb box? -Yeah.
Oh, here's Eddie.
Hey, Eddie.
-Where's the camera? -Aha. Then it worked.
It's right here.
I decided to go undercover.
I wanted to get people just being themselves.
Oh… Well, we were really boring, believe me.
Why don't you just rewind it a few minutes and tape over it?
Funny. Mrs. Pappas said the same thing.
So why did you and this Crystal break up?
I'm not meddling. I'm just curious, that's all.
-Just interested. -It was a career conflict.
She's a juggler too. You may have heard of her, Crystal Baker?
No, I, uh…
Don't get to street theater as often as I should.
Fabulous performer.
Fabulous girl, for that matter.
But she wanted to work in Paris, and I wanted to stay here.
Yes, well, there's always pressure on a two-career family.
We had a big fight about it. Then Mary Ann came along.
By the time Crystal got back…
I was engaged.
And how did she take the news?
She was crushed.
But she's been wonderful.
She called me a few nights ago to congratulate me.
We talked for hours, just like old times.
She's a sweetheart.
Yes, she's starting to sound like one.
NIKOS: Yeah, it was really great talking with her.
I felt happy, purely happy.
Might be the last time I did.
I mean, since then it's been all the usual pre-wedding stuff,
you know, the jitters, night sweats, vomiting…
Nikos, I promised your mother that I would never again interfere in your life.
Interfere? You saved me from making a terrible mistake.
I value your advice above anything.
All right, then.
In the interest of your future happiness, I feel it's my duty to let you know…
Nikos, please go make your uncle Stavros to stop dancing on the table.
Just once it would be nice to have a family gathering
where no one leaves in an ambulance.
Am I right?
Yes, wouldn't it?
[ZORA CHUCKLES]
Hey, Eddie, come on, you've been working since I've been here.
You haven't even had a chance to chow down.
I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite.
Well, hand me that thing. I know how to run that baby.
-Be careful. That tape is historic. -Oh.
I have interviewed every single living member of the family.
I even went to the retirement home and taped Nikos' great-grandmother.
-Oh. -One hundred and one years old.
That's amazing. Yeah.
Wow. A hundred and one.
Gosh, that's older than a century.
She probably has got more stories than anybody else has.
I can't do this.
I think you have to press this button right here.
Oh, thanks.
Bye.
Okay, everybody, gather round.
We're gonna have some toasts here.
So if everybody will stop what they're doing for just one minute and…
For God's sake, Niles. Why don't you just hide in the men's room?
Where do you think Yvonne is right now?
-Where have you been? -I've been on the phone.
I've been trying to contact Nikos' ex-girlfriend.
The depths you'll sink to to get a date.
I am convinced that he is still in love with her.
And she with him.
If I could get the two of them together, he might realize it.
Alas, I couldn't reach her. She's out working tonight.
Had to leave a message with her roommate.
-Perhaps the time has come for you to… -Hi.
-FRASIER: Oh, Yvonne. -Oh.
…stop playing games and start being direct.
ZORA: Frasier?
Where's Frasier Crane?
Oh, dear God.
ZORA: Ah, there you are.
Come up here and make a toast to the happy couple.
Well, all right, I…
-ZORA: Ah. -I guess a thought or two comes to mind.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
Well, I've known Nikos all of his life,
and I'm sure that he realizes marriage is a binding commitment
not to be entered into hastily.
But when the right one comes along, you know it.
And that it's very important
to find the person that you're most compatible with.
The one who makes you feel happy, purely happy.
More important, makes me feel happy, ah?
Because it would be a shame to go through life having to say,
"If I'd only waited."
Hey, what the hell kind of toast is this, anyway?
I just want to make sure that my cousin marries the woman
that he truly loves the most.
Oh, well said.
Cheers, everybody. Ah.
Thank you, Frasier.
Now, if I may say a word or two…
My son Nikos and I have had our ups and downs.
But tonight, at this moment, I can honestly say…
What the hell are you doing here?
Crystal!
Nikos.
I couldn't let you get married without…
Without letting you know that I…
I…
-Nikos, what are you doing? Stop it. -How did she get the message?
Her roommate must have reached her on her car phone.
Jugglers have car phones?
Nikos, you are ruining everything.
You, shoo, shoo, shoo. [GRUNTS]
[CRYSTAL, NIKOS LAUGH]
-[ZORA GROANS] -Nikos! Nikos!
Sorry, Mary Ann, but Crystal's the one I'm meant to be with.
I will never forgive you for this.
Oh, see how happy you've made my parents?
Ugh!
Frasier, he's lost his mind.
-Talk to him. He listens to you. -Remember my promise?
-No more meddling. -NIKOS: Excuse me, everyone.
This may not exactly be appropriate,
but I have a toast too, to the man who reunited me
with the woman I plan to spend my life with.
No, inappropriate.
-Toast time is over. -But we wanna offer you our thanks.
No, you know what?
Everyone, why don't we do some bouzouki dancing?
♪ Ya-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, dum ♪
Why are they thanking you?
We owe our happiness to him.
Why couldn't she have been a mime?
Once again he saved me from making a terrible mistake.
So, everyone, please lift your glasses to my cousin Frasier Crane.
Oh, I can do better than a glass.
No! Aunt Zora, no! Out of my way!
[FRASIER YELLING]
Well, Walt…
Marty…
Goodbye again.
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY GREEK FOLK MUSIC]
-[CRASHING FROM KITCHEN] -[FRASIER WAILING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
Quite stylish.
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I've got you pegged ♪
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
What is a boy to do?
Good night, Seattle, we love you!