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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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What's going on?
I've got an appointment in 20 minutes.
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Some weenie made a big stink,
so they gotta clean the milk steamer
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-every time they use it.
-Oh.
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It was you, wasn't it?
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If requesting basic sanitary
procedures makes me a weenie,
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then a weenie be I.
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Hi, guys.
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-Hey, Roz.
-Oh, Roz.
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Oh, God, Frasier, what stupid
suggestion did you make this time?
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-Nice to see you too, Roz.
-ROZ: Sorry.
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I just spent two hours
trying on jumbo formal wear
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for the SeaBee Awards.
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The best part was when
the size-two salesgirl
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said I could use this
again after my pregnancy.
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Well, perhaps you could.
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Cut off the bow, remove
the sleeves, and, uh…
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Stick a pole in it and go camping.
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You know, if I'm gonna
stick a pole someplace…
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Children!
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Coffee to go. Black.
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I, for one, am looking
forward to the SeaBees.
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Why? You're not gonna win.
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They never give it to the emcee.
Now, me, I'm a lock.
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Well, you're awfully cocky.
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Hey, if knowing I'm the best
thing on the air makes me cocky,
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then cocky be I.
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See? You're not the only
one who can talk classy.
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How is that talking like Lassie?
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Let's just move on, shall we?
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Roz, that man, he's got a gun.
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-[GASPS]
-He's got a gun!
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[CROWD SCREAMING]
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-Roz, are you all right?
-Yeah.
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Bulldog, I can't believe you did that.
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-Huh?
-You saved me.
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Well, I just did what
anyone would've done.
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-Oh! You were so brave.
-You're a hero.
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BULLDOG: Hey, close enough.
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[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
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NILES: Excuse me,
will you hold that, please?
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-Niles!
-I was just on my way up to see you.
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What have we determined about your success
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with impulse purchases?
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The salesman thought I could pull it off.
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My suggestion exactly.
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Oh, fine, fine.
Frasier, ask me if I have news.
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Actually, I've got news.
In the café today…
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Oh, for God's sake.
Niles, do you have news?
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Indeed I do.
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First, congratulations on
your SeaBee nomination.
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-Thank you.
-Now congratulate me on mine.
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What are you talking about?
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If you'd bothered to look past
your own name on the first page,
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you would've found
mine right after it on page…
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-Fifteen.
-Ah.
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"Best Performance by a
Guest on an Information Show."
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Yes, it's for that spot I did on KJSB
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when I discussed the psychological
effects of long-term inclement weather.
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Oh, yes, yes, yes.
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Thirty minutes of psychobabble
all reducible to one phrase:
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-"Rain, rain, go away."
-[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
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I'm hardly surprised you feel
the need to belittle my nomination.
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In your mind, you're the
success, the famous one.
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I'm just invisible.
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That's not the way the
rest of the world sees it.
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MARTIN: Oh, Frasier,
boy, am I glad to see you.
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Oh, thanks, guys.
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-Thank you.
-DAPHNE: Thank goodness you're home.
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I'm also here.
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We heard what happened at the café.
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Yes, Niles, as I was trying to tell you,
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there was an attempted
armed robbery today at the café.
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Good heavens. Was anyone hurt?
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No, thank goodness.
It was all defused quickly.
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Tempest in a teapot.
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-Thank you.
-NILES: That's a relief.
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On a more pleasant topic,
this afternoon I found out…
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FRASIER: Niles, hold it.
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-How did you two hear about it?
-DAPHNE: On the news.
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Boy, Bulldog really saved the day.
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They said that on the news?
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Oh, yeah, how he swept Roz out of the way
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and then threw his hot
coffee on the gunman.
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That's not how it happened at all.
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Why would he say such a thing?
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Well, it was drizzling today, and
people act strangely when it rains,
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-as I pointed out in my SeaBee-nominated…
-Shut up, Niles.
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Well, then, what did happen?
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We were all standing at the counter
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when I noticed a man with a gun.
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I warned Roz.
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Bulldog saw a different
man reaching for his wallet
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and thought he was the gunman.
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He grabbed Roz and held her
in front of him as a human shield.
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But as he did that,
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he accidentally knocked his
coffee onto the actual gunman,
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burning his hand,
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causing him to drop
his weapon and run out.
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-And no one else saw that happen?
-Apparently not.
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Well, I can't believe Bulldog
would use Roz like that.
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Why didn't you say anything?
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I was just so relieved
everyone was all right at first.
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I suppose it did irk me when
everyone was praising him.
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The owner of the café promised
him a lifetime supply of muffins.
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I never thought it would go this far.
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I never thought I'd hear it on the news.
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I wonder how much that would
be, a lifetime supply of muffins.
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I'm not gonna let
Bulldog get away with this.
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I don't think I've ever
seen Bulldog eat a muffin.
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A lifetime supply would be wasted on him.
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I'm gonna tell him I saw
exactly what happened.
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Now, me, I could eat a muffin a day,
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some days even two,
knowing they'd be free.
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So that's maybe ten a
week, 52 weeks a year
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for at least another 40
years, which works out to…
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…20,000 muffins.
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My life suddenly seems
long measured in muffins.
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Oh, Daphne.
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There are a lot of things that
can make life suddenly seem long.
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Yes.
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That's all the time we have today.
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Good afternoon, Seattle,
and good mental health.
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-Did you see Bulldog come in?
-No.
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I've been looking for him myself.
Stop that.
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They're for him.
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Do you really think that
he had anything to do with…
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ROZ: There he is!
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BULLDOG: Hey, hey, hey!
[BLOWS WHISTLE] Enough hero worship.
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I take my pants off one leg
at a time, like everybody else.
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You can vouch for that, can't you, Myrna?
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Hey, Bulldog, I made
these cookies for you.
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Oh, wow, I already had a bunch of muffins,
but there's always room for a cookie.
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-Mm. Where's the milk?
-Oh, coming right up.
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-Hello, Bulldog.
-Hey, Doc.
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This hero stuff is the best.
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Hey, last night… sisters.
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At one point, I was a hero sandwich.
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Hey, did you get it?
They were the bread, and I was…
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Yes, I got it.
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Just drop it.
I saw what you did yesterday.
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Yeah, I saved your butt.
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Saved my butt, my ass!
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You pulled Roz in front
of you to protect yourself.
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Everything else that happened
was simply by accident.
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That stinks!
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That's total BS!
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I'm a hero!
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I'm a brave, brave man!
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Ah, jeez, you're not gonna tell, are you?
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Give me one good reason why I shouldn't.
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You like muffins?
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I was determined to expose you,
but it occurs to me I don't have to.
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You'll do it yourself. And you know why?
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Because "a guilty
conscience needs no accuser."
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That means you won't tell?
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Once again,
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I don't have to,
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because "a guilty
conscience sleeps in thunder."
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It means I won't tell.
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-Twenty seconds, Bulldog.
-Oh.
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Actually, I'm fascinated,
as a psychiatrist,
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to watch this little experiment.
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I know that deep down you
feel bad about what you've done,
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and you'll feel worse every
time you capitalize on it.
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How long before your
conscience finally overwhelms you?
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You're on.
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Hey, sports fans, this
is Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe.
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You're in the Doghouse.
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-[HORN HONKS]
-[BARKS]
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Let's go to the phones.
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Hey, everybody, this is Roz Doyle,
and I have some very exciting news.
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Each year at the SeaBee Awards,
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one radio personality receives
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the Harold Hirschauer
Man of the Year Award,
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and this year our winner is
our very own Bulldog Briscoe,
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who was chosen for his heroism.
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Congratulations, Bulldog.
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Well, what do you say to that, hero?
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Wow. This is incredible.
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I real…
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I really feel honored, but, uh…
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I gotta clear something up.
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Yesterday at the café,
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this young lady kept coming up
to me and saying, "You're my hero.
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How can I ever thank you?"
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Well, I got a confession to make.
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I lost your number, but if you call
in, baby, I got an answer for you.
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-[HORN HONKS]
-[BARKS]
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Okay, I'm ready. Go ahead, Daphne.
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And the SeaBee goes to…
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Dr. Niles Crane!
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Oh! Oh!
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-Congratulations!
-Thank you.
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You know, actually, to be accurate,
it's traditional for the presenter
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00:08:51,311 --> 00:08:53,063
to kiss and embrace the winner.
197
00:08:53,147 --> 00:08:54,856
But won't your brother be the presenter?
198
00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:57,942
-Well, we can't know that for certain.
-Oh. All right, then.
199
00:08:58,026 --> 00:08:59,486
[DOOR OPENS]
200
00:09:00,154 --> 00:09:03,657
Hello, Dr. Crane.
We're just practicing for Saturday night.
201
00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:06,327
-Best-case scenario.
-Obviously.
202
00:09:08,663 --> 00:09:09,622
[TIMER DINGS]
203
00:09:09,706 --> 00:09:11,082
Hey, Daph, your pie's done.
204
00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:12,083
Oh, thanks.
205
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,918
Will you be joining us
for coffee and dessert?
206
00:09:14,002 --> 00:09:16,587
Oh, no, thank you, Daphne.
I'm not very hungry.
207
00:09:16,671 --> 00:09:19,757
-Where have you been?
-Oh, out driving around, thinking.
208
00:09:20,508 --> 00:09:23,010
I can't seem to get this
Bulldog thing off my mind.
209
00:09:23,094 --> 00:09:26,640
Well, don't worry about it.
We all get obsessed sometimes.
210
00:09:26,724 --> 00:09:29,893
The important thing is to drop it before
you start yakking on and on about it
211
00:09:29,977 --> 00:09:32,062
to someone who doesn't give a rat's ass.
212
00:09:39,403 --> 00:09:42,072
Is that your roundabout way of
saying you don't want to discuss it?
213
00:09:42,156 --> 00:09:43,908
You wanna take the direct route?
214
00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:47,619
Why do you care so much about Bulldog?
215
00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:49,831
Well, it's not really Bulldog so much.
216
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,083
It's just that I believe
217
00:09:52,584 --> 00:09:54,585
that conscience, more
than customs and laws,
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00:09:54,669 --> 00:09:56,462
is what prevents people from doing wrong.
219
00:09:56,546 --> 00:09:59,925
To contemplate the idea of an
otherwise sane man with no conscience,
220
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,260
well, it shakes my entire worldview.
221
00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:05,179
In my family we certainly
knew the meaning of conscience.
222
00:10:05,263 --> 00:10:07,431
That's what my dad
called his wooden paddle.
223
00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:08,683
Oh, how awful for you.
224
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:12,145
Oh, for me brothers, yes, but I
knew he'd never use it on me.
225
00:10:12,229 --> 00:10:13,939
As long as I was always good.
226
00:10:14,023 --> 00:10:15,942
As long as I was always polite.
227
00:10:16,692 --> 00:10:19,945
As long as I always had a smile on
me face, no matter how I felt inside.
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00:10:20,029 --> 00:10:22,156
As long as I was always
ready to wait on all the men,
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00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,243
hand and foot, day and
night, year in, year out.
230
00:10:27,954 --> 00:10:29,037
More coffee, anyone?
231
00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:31,040
No, no, no, just have a seat.
232
00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:34,042
Just… Here, I'll pour for you.
233
00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:35,669
Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion.
234
00:10:35,753 --> 00:10:38,047
I just can't understand how
Bulldog can accept those accolades
235
00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:39,299
and not be tormented by it.
236
00:10:39,383 --> 00:10:40,466
Well, maybe he is.
237
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:43,011
Yes, for all you know,
he's at home right now
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00:10:43,095 --> 00:10:44,930
pacing the floor, unable to sleep.
239
00:10:46,181 --> 00:10:47,933
Well, that's a comforting thought.
240
00:10:48,934 --> 00:10:51,103
But we'll never know
for sure, now, will we?
241
00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:55,899
Well, enough about this.
You know, I think I'm off to bed.
242
00:10:55,983 --> 00:10:57,783
-Good night, all.
-Good night, son.
243
00:10:58,402 --> 00:10:59,903
I'm really proud of Fras.
244
00:10:59,987 --> 00:11:02,698
It used to be he'd get a bee in
his bonnet and never get it out.
245
00:11:02,782 --> 00:11:04,700
I thought we'd be hearing
about this one for weeks.
246
00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:06,702
The old Frasier would've
been up with this all night.
247
00:11:06,786 --> 00:11:08,954
MARTIN: Exactly.
He wouldn't have been able to sleep
248
00:11:09,038 --> 00:11:12,138
till he went over to Bulldog's to
make sure he wasn't sleeping.
249
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:13,667
[DOOR CLOSES]
250
00:11:13,751 --> 00:11:15,851
I should've told him to pick up more milk.
251
00:11:29,893 --> 00:11:31,353
BULLDOG: Okay, okay.
252
00:11:33,355 --> 00:11:35,482
-What are you doing here?
-I wanna talk to you.
253
00:11:35,566 --> 00:11:37,692
You know, this isn't a good time.
254
00:11:37,776 --> 00:11:38,818
I got company.
255
00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:41,154
You have done something
horrible and selfish.
256
00:11:41,238 --> 00:11:42,781
I need to know that you feel bad about it.
257
00:11:42,865 --> 00:11:44,965
What, you been looking
through the keyhole?
258
00:11:46,201 --> 00:11:49,580
-I'm talking about what happened with Roz.
-Oh, not this again.
259
00:11:49,664 --> 00:11:51,499
WOMAN: Bulldog, I'm lonely.
260
00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:54,210
Talk to your sister for a sec.
I'll be right there.
261
00:11:55,211 --> 00:11:57,961
-Man, I gotta go. See you mañana.
-Bulldog… Bulldog!
262
00:11:59,174 --> 00:12:00,758
[DOORBELL BUZZING]
263
00:12:00,842 --> 00:12:01,717
Would you stop that?
264
00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:04,387
I am not leaving until I know you feel
some remorse for what you've done.
265
00:12:04,471 --> 00:12:06,639
-This is really bugging you, isn't it?
-Yes!
266
00:12:06,723 --> 00:12:09,100
Well… [SIGHS] Okay, all right, all right.
267
00:12:09,893 --> 00:12:12,937
The truth? The truth is I feel bad.
268
00:12:13,939 --> 00:12:14,982
I feel real bad.
269
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,235
You feel nothing!
270
00:12:19,153 --> 00:12:20,696
I'm sorry, Doc.
271
00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:22,447
These little things just don't get to me.
272
00:12:22,531 --> 00:12:26,702
The little thing in question is using a
pregnant woman as a human shield!
273
00:12:26,786 --> 00:12:28,913
-Have you no conscience?
-Maybe I don't.
274
00:12:29,872 --> 00:12:30,914
I refuse to believe that.
275
00:12:30,998 --> 00:12:32,708
Well, maybe it's something
I was born without.
276
00:12:32,792 --> 00:12:34,042
Like… Oh, like my cousin.
277
00:12:34,126 --> 00:12:36,586
He was born without
a big toe on each foot.
278
00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,670
I used to sneak up on him, tip him over.
279
00:12:40,008 --> 00:12:42,218
I didn't feel bad about that either.
280
00:12:42,302 --> 00:12:44,804
-See you, Doc.
-No, no, no, you don't.
281
00:12:44,888 --> 00:12:47,515
I know you've got a conscience.
It must be buried deep down inside.
282
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:50,310
-I will find a way to get it out of you.
-Yeah, you do that, Doc.
283
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,603
No, you mark my words,
I don't know how yet,
284
00:12:52,687 --> 00:12:55,189
but come Saturday night you
will be so consumed with guilt,
285
00:12:55,273 --> 00:12:58,276
you will not be able to accept
that Man of the Year Award.
286
00:13:01,279 --> 00:13:03,282
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
287
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:07,120
FRASIER: Daphne!
288
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:11,290
-Oh, you're gorgeous.
-Oh, thank you.
289
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,293
-FRASIER: Dad, not bad either.
-Oh, thanks.
290
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,670
Though I guess any guy
looks good in a monkey suit.
291
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:20,591
On the drive over I started musing
about why they call it a monkey suit.
292
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,217
I had quite a few theories on that one.
293
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,761
Yeah, she sure did.
294
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:26,932
-Can I get a ride home with you?
-Of course.
295
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,101
DAPHNE: Oh. Roz.
296
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,811
-Is everything all right?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
297
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:35,231
It's just that my hair is
huge, and this dress is a joke.
298
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,734
No, nonsense, Roz. You look divine.
299
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,403
No, I look like Divine.
300
00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,490
I gotta go sit down.
301
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:51,457
Oh my God, look at the way the lights
are shining on the sequins on this dress.
302
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:53,418
I'm a disco ball.
303
00:13:56,004 --> 00:13:58,547
Well, it certainly promises
to be quite a night.
304
00:13:58,631 --> 00:14:01,467
Yeah. You know, I'm glad to
see you're enjoying yourself.
305
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,345
I wasn't sure that you would,
what with Bulldog getting that award.
306
00:14:04,429 --> 00:14:08,432
Well, Dad, I wouldn't be surprised if
Bulldog actually declines that award.
307
00:14:08,516 --> 00:14:09,350
Why would he?
308
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:12,770
Well, I've arranged a few
surprises to prick his conscience.
309
00:14:12,854 --> 00:14:14,523
Until, like Hamlet's stepfather,
310
00:14:14,607 --> 00:14:18,694
he totters from the banquet,
ghostly pale and gibbering with guilt.
311
00:14:19,403 --> 00:14:21,155
Could I get a ride home with you?
312
00:14:25,826 --> 00:14:27,536
-FRASIER: Niles.
-Hello, all.
313
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:30,372
Daphne, you look stunning.
314
00:14:30,456 --> 00:14:32,624
Thanks. You look very smart.
315
00:14:32,708 --> 00:14:36,754
Thank you. Of course, I guess it's
hard not to look elegant in evening wear.
316
00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:42,802
Hard but not impossible.
317
00:14:44,513 --> 00:14:46,222
Well, shall we take our seats?
318
00:14:46,306 --> 00:14:50,226
Yes, although if Dame Rumor
is correct, I won't be sitting long.
319
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:52,854
-Now, are we all at table 105?
-FRASIER: Uh…
320
00:14:52,938 --> 00:14:54,397
We're at table four.
321
00:14:55,357 --> 00:14:56,858
Uh, excuse me.
322
00:14:56,942 --> 00:14:59,694
-Where is this table?
-One hundred five.
323
00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:01,070
That's the Technical Awards.
324
00:15:01,154 --> 00:15:04,491
Just go down to the basement,
cross through the kitchen to the hall
325
00:15:04,575 --> 00:15:05,826
and ask for the Napoleon Room.
326
00:15:05,910 --> 00:15:07,453
Oh, well, Napoleon Room.
327
00:15:07,537 --> 00:15:08,912
That sounds charming.
328
00:15:08,996 --> 00:15:11,415
We call it that 'cause
the ceilings are so low.
329
00:15:14,126 --> 00:15:15,294
What a shame.
330
00:15:15,378 --> 00:15:19,631
Now you won't get to see your brother host
or hear all the little jokes he's written.
331
00:15:19,715 --> 00:15:21,633
[DAPHNE, NILES SNICKERING]
332
00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:23,927
Thank you, Daphne.
I needed some cheering up.
333
00:15:24,011 --> 00:15:25,054
DAPHNE: Good luck.
334
00:15:29,351 --> 00:15:31,519
-Oh, Bulldog.
-Ah, jeez, let's go this way.
335
00:15:31,603 --> 00:15:33,313
No, there's no need to avoid me.
336
00:15:33,397 --> 00:15:35,231
I have no intention of
ruining your evening.
337
00:15:35,315 --> 00:15:37,817
In fact, I've gone to great
lengths to make it memorable.
338
00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:39,652
You been sleeping okay?
You look a little tired.
339
00:15:39,736 --> 00:15:43,114
Oh, don't you worry about me.
I'll sleep fine tonight.
340
00:15:43,198 --> 00:15:44,824
The sleep of the just.
341
00:15:44,908 --> 00:15:47,619
[CHUCKLES] Me too.
The sleep of the just boinked.
342
00:15:51,082 --> 00:15:52,500
And the nominees are
343
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:57,463
Consumer Forum, Wendy Yashiro,
talent, Mike Freedman, producer.
344
00:15:59,215 --> 00:16:00,966
The Dr. Frasier Crane Show,
345
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:04,178
Dr. Frasier Crane, talent,
Roz Doyle, producer.
346
00:16:06,222 --> 00:16:09,266
And Bob and Nipsey's
Morning Laugh Factory,
347
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:12,895
Bob and Nipsey, talent,
Lunatic Larry, producer.
348
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,321
And the SeaBee goes to…
349
00:16:23,657 --> 00:16:24,617
Well, well.
350
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,118
Bob and Nipsey's Morning Laugh Factory!
351
00:16:27,202 --> 00:16:29,037
[GLITZY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
352
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,373
FRASIER: Apparently Bob and
Nipsey couldn't make it tonight,
353
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:34,960
so I accept this award on their behalf.
354
00:16:35,044 --> 00:16:38,130
That brings us to our final category.
355
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,091
But rather than compete
with the coffee service,
356
00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:41,259
let's take a short break
357
00:16:41,343 --> 00:16:44,971
and we'll be right back with
the Man of the Year Award.
358
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:52,562
-Sorry you didn't win.
-Oh, God, that's all right, Dad.
359
00:16:52,646 --> 00:16:54,522
I'm only concerned with one award tonight.
360
00:16:54,606 --> 00:16:55,731
That's the next one.
361
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,109
-Hey, Dr. Crane, how did it go?
-FRASIER: Oh, Niles.
362
00:16:58,193 --> 00:16:59,444
I lost.
363
00:17:00,445 --> 00:17:01,571
Sorry you didn't win.
364
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:04,825
God, I've been saying that a lot tonight.
365
00:17:04,909 --> 00:17:06,493
Oh, look, wine.
366
00:17:06,577 --> 00:17:09,079
They didn't serve alcohol
at the Technical Awards,
367
00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:12,667
as I informed so many of the guests
who mistook me for their waiter.
368
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:17,754
You see, I was the only
nominee dressed in black-tie,
369
00:17:17,838 --> 00:17:20,800
except for the one man in
front wearing a tuxedo T-shirt.
370
00:17:21,926 --> 00:17:22,968
I'm sorry, Niles.
371
00:17:23,761 --> 00:17:25,847
At least I didn't come home empty-handed.
372
00:17:25,931 --> 00:17:27,807
We each received one of
these handsome certificates,
373
00:17:27,891 --> 00:17:31,491
which were given out after we'd
folded our tables and stacked our chairs.
374
00:17:34,189 --> 00:17:36,107
[GLITZY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
375
00:17:36,191 --> 00:17:37,525
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.
376
00:17:37,609 --> 00:17:39,403
Now the time has come to present…
377
00:17:40,445 --> 00:17:43,865
The Harold Hirschauer
Man of the Year Award.
378
00:17:43,949 --> 00:17:44,908
Thank you, Susan.
379
00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:48,661
As you all know, this award
is presented every year
380
00:17:48,745 --> 00:17:54,085
to the radio personality that
brings honor to our medium.
381
00:17:55,002 --> 00:17:58,756
This year that person
is Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe.
382
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,174
Come on up here, Bulldog.
383
00:18:00,258 --> 00:18:02,093
[GLITZY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
384
00:18:05,263 --> 00:18:06,972
Wow, what a night, huh?
385
00:18:07,056 --> 00:18:10,768
Well, Bob, the night is
just beginning for you.
386
00:18:10,852 --> 00:18:13,939
Could we please lower the house lights?
387
00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:15,982
What's going on?
388
00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:17,984
Just a few surprise guests
389
00:18:18,068 --> 00:18:20,070
that I've invited to help
you celebrate this evening.
390
00:18:20,154 --> 00:18:24,992
People from your past that helped
make you the man that you are today.
391
00:18:26,243 --> 00:18:29,579
Do you recognize this voice?
392
00:18:29,663 --> 00:18:33,083
ELDERLY MAN: Bobby Briscoe,
you have made us all proud.
393
00:18:33,167 --> 00:18:35,502
-Oh, my gosh. Is that…
-Yes!
394
00:18:35,586 --> 00:18:39,840
It's Father O'Rourke, your boyhood
priest and childhood confessor.
395
00:18:39,924 --> 00:18:42,093
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
396
00:18:44,095 --> 00:18:45,888
And who's there next to him?
397
00:18:45,972 --> 00:18:49,392
ELDERLY WOMAN: Bobby
Briscoe, sit down in your chair.
398
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:50,351
That's right.
399
00:18:50,435 --> 00:18:52,770
It's Mrs. McCloud, your
second-grade teacher,
400
00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:56,941
the woman who taught you
that honesty is the best policy.
401
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,903
And who's that next to her?
402
00:19:00,987 --> 00:19:04,742
-Drop and give me 50, Bulldog.
-Oh, my gosh! Coach Nuge!
403
00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:08,912
It's Coach Nugent from
your peewee-football days.
404
00:19:08,996 --> 00:19:11,581
The man that taught you that it
doesn't matter whether you win or lose,
405
00:19:11,665 --> 00:19:13,333
but that you play the game fair.
406
00:19:13,417 --> 00:19:14,668
You're wasting your time.
407
00:19:14,752 --> 00:19:16,753
And who's that next to him? Yes.
408
00:19:16,837 --> 00:19:20,340
It's the president of your fan club,
409
00:19:20,424 --> 00:19:21,925
little Joey Katona,
410
00:19:22,009 --> 00:19:25,095
whose only dream is to
grow up and be just like you.
411
00:19:25,179 --> 00:19:26,640
[HORN HONKING]
412
00:19:29,059 --> 00:19:31,019
FRASIER: But we're not through yet.
413
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,981
Could we please bring
the house lights up again?
414
00:19:37,234 --> 00:19:39,152
We've saved the best for last.
415
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,614
It's the woman that
gave everything to you.
416
00:19:43,698 --> 00:19:45,366
Well, you'll have to narrow that one down.
417
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,785
[SNICKERS]
418
00:19:48,245 --> 00:19:50,998
The night would not be complete
419
00:19:51,541 --> 00:19:55,169
without the woman who
taught you right from wrong.
420
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,465
It's your mother, Bernice Briscoe!
421
00:20:02,093 --> 00:20:03,093
Ma!
422
00:20:03,177 --> 00:20:06,973
-I am so proud of you, Bobby.
-Oh, Ma!
423
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:10,893
Let's turn the microphone over
to our guest of honor this evening.
424
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,939
I'm sure we're all anxious to
hear what the hero has to say.
425
00:20:15,023 --> 00:20:17,067
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
426
00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:21,905
I'm really blown away by all this.
427
00:20:23,866 --> 00:20:26,916
I didn't think I'd be accepting
this in front of all you guys.
428
00:20:28,036 --> 00:20:30,038
I wrote up this, uh, little speech.
429
00:20:32,249 --> 00:20:33,709
I can't say this stuff now.
430
00:20:36,044 --> 00:20:37,462
What I gotta say is simple.
431
00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:42,802
This is totally awesome!
Thank you, everybody!
432
00:20:42,886 --> 00:20:45,736
-[GLITZY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
-[BULLDOG BARKING]
433
00:20:50,894 --> 00:20:52,853
This can't be happening.
434
00:20:52,937 --> 00:20:54,897
-Let it go.
-FRASIER: I can't.
435
00:20:54,981 --> 00:20:57,399
The man is a coward,
and he's being rewarded.
436
00:20:57,483 --> 00:20:59,151
I'm never gonna hear
the end of this now, am I?
437
00:20:59,235 --> 00:21:01,654
-No! I'm sorry, Dad…
-All right, just a minute.
438
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,448
Hey, Bulldog, there's
a guy there with a gun.
439
00:21:03,532 --> 00:21:04,533
There's a gun!
440
00:21:04,617 --> 00:21:06,618
[CROWD GASPING]
441
00:21:06,702 --> 00:21:08,370
Sorry, my mistake.
442
00:21:08,454 --> 00:21:10,872
He used his own mother to protect himself.
443
00:21:10,956 --> 00:21:13,333
-Ew.
-Is that what you did to me?
444
00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:14,709
No, I just… I… No, no.
445
00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:18,129
-What is the matter with you?
-[CROWD BOOING]
446
00:21:18,213 --> 00:21:20,340
You don't deserve that award!
447
00:21:20,424 --> 00:21:21,967
Oh, thanks, Dad.
448
00:21:22,051 --> 00:21:24,511
Hey, I'm no hero.
I just wanted you to shut up.
449
00:21:30,185 --> 00:21:32,187
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
450
00:21:32,896 --> 00:21:35,404
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
451
00:21:35,488 --> 00:21:37,651
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
452
00:21:38,401 --> 00:21:39,361
Mercy.
453
00:21:39,986 --> 00:21:42,488
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
454
00:21:42,572 --> 00:21:44,657
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
455
00:21:44,741 --> 00:21:47,076
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
456
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,619
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
457
00:21:48,703 --> 00:21:52,291
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
458
00:21:54,043 --> 00:21:55,461
♪ They're callin' again ♪
459
00:21:56,879 --> 00:21:59,389
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
460
00:21:59,473 --> 00:22:01,217
What is a boy to do?
461
00:22:03,552 --> 00:22:04,929
Good night, everybody!