I just had the most wonderful time today.
Me, too.
It's funny that we worked together all that time,
and we never dated before this.
Well, anyway…
Hey, Frasier…
-Hi. -Nancy, hi!
So, are you back to work yet?
Almost. I start at KNFS tomorrow.
Roz, Nancy and I are having coffee.
Oh, none for me, thanks.
Listen, could I have a fat-free muffin, please?
Nancy, I've been dying to call you.
My cousin just moved to town.
And I think he'd be perfect for you.
Actually, I just started seeing someone.
You'll forget all about him when you meet Chuck.
He's so handsome and rugged,
and he loves the outdoors…
Kindly leave him there.
You see,
the person that Nancy is seeing is me.
Really?
You two are dating?
Even as we speak.
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
Oh, well, good for you.
I mean, who needs Chuck when you've got the…
Well, the anti-Chuck.
When my muffin gets here, could you send it over?
You won't even see it coming.
Well, where were we?
I think you were about to ask me out again.
Oh, my gosh.
So I was.
Well, let's just see
how far this ESP of yours goes.
What night was I thinking of?
Friday night.
Astonishing!
Busboy, clear these spoons before she starts bending them.
Frasier, I'm so glad you're here.
Niles.
Oh, I'm sorry. Niles Crane.
I think we've met.
Nancy Cavanaugh. I used to work at KACL.
Oh, of course.
Talking business?
Well, actually, no.
Oh, good.
I was afraid I was interrupting something.
Feast your eyes on this.
"Financial settlement."
Good Lord, Niles.
You and Maris have come to terms?
What was that?
I couldn't hear over the angels singing.
Well, congratulations.
That is exciting.
My brother's been going through
a rather rancorous divorce.
You must be very relieved.
I'll say. It's cost me a fortune.
If she dragged it out any longer,
I'd be literally bankrupt.
I'm sure you've got some celebrating to do,
so off you go.
I cannot wait until I'm done with this.
I just have to sign it and get her to do the same,
and then I can take my seat on the freedom train.
Well, all aboard!
It's a funny thing.
One day, you're starting a new relationship full of hope.
The next, you're sinking helplessly
into a sucking pit of despair
that leaves you filled with the bitter bile of regret.
You're on a date, aren't you?
It's hard to say at this point.
I am so sorry.
Oh, it's all right.
I have to go anyway.
It was nice seeing you again.
Yes. You, too.
What's wrong with you?
Ah, here we are.
So, we're still on for Friday?
Yes, of course, we are.
You know, I was wondering.
Maybe we could just
have dinner at your place?
Well, yes.
That's amazing.
You read my mind again.
Well, I just thought it would be more comfortable.
We could curl up on the couch,
make a nice fire…
Can you guess what I'm thinking now?
Oh, you are good, aren't you?
MARTIN: Hey, guys.
So, who won the squash game?
Oh, Daphne, it's not about winning or losing.
It's about the thrill of competition.
Congratulations, Niles.
Thanks, Dad.
Pumped as I was,
I don't think anybody could have beaten me today,
even an actual athlete.
Sherry, Niles?
Yes, thank you.
Maris and I have reached a financial settlement.
[LAUGHS] That's great!
Yes.
DAPHNE: This is wonderful.
Well, as wonderful as the tragic ripping apart
of two lovers once bound in a sacred union can be.
It's brilliant, Dr. Crane.
Thanks, Daphne.
As long as you're doing the laundry,
let me throw in my gym towel.
All right.
If you've got a couple minutes
I can also give you these squash togs.
Oh, let's save some of the fun for tomorrow.
What's this?
"Cartier."
Niles, did you put this in here?
No.
Somebody must have
slipped it in my bag when we were at the courts.
That's odd. I don't remember
anyone touching our things other than the valet
and Jaime, the squash porter.
Boy, you boys really work up quite a sweat
down there, don't you?
Oh, my goodness.
Niles, look at this.
[GASPS]
Cuff links! They're beautiful.
There's a card in here.
"I still think of you constantly.
"I was wrong to ever let you go."
Do you believe in second chances?"
It's unsigned.
"Wrong to let you go."
It sounds like it's from someone who dumped you.
That's no short list, now, is it?
You know, maybe it's that Sonya woman
he was going out with.
Yeah. Wasn't there a sister, too?
And a niece.
Oh, yes.
He went through that family like a recessive gene.
Not to disrupt the think tank,
but there is an easier way to find out.
I'll just make a few well-placed inquiries
and see where I get a nibble.
Oh, yes.
Here's a group of people that might regret
having left Club Frasier before last call.
Ah, Patricia.
And there's… Oh! Susan. Yes.
[GASPS]
Tatiana… oh, boy.
Frasier, all during squash, all you talked about
was this wonderful new woman in your life.
Are you going to just drop her to chase after someone else?
I'm not dropping Nancy.
I'm just, uh…
Weighing your options?
Well, all right, so what if I am?!
I don't believe this.
All of my life I have dreamt of the day
when I would be pursued by more than one woman.
What man hasn't?! For God's sake!
Do you blame me for enjoying it
now the day is here?
All of my whole life I had to listen
to you whine about your dating woes.
Now you have a chance with Nancy.
You're going to risk ruining it?
You are just jealous. That's what you are.
I am not jealous. You're being foolish.
-Don't you agree? -Nonsense!
Let's ask Dad. What do you think?
No, no.
Don't drag me into this.
I learned when you were kids to stay out of it
whenever you two started fighting.
I'd just wait till the whole thing ended…
Usually in tears…
And then I'd take you both out for ice cream.
That was my job… ice cream man.
I suppose fathers are the same everywhere.
Mine couldn't bear to see us fight.
If there was so much as a peep out of us,
he'd be out the door to the pub,
stay for a few hours, sometimes overnight.
When they brought him back the next morning,
we couldn't fight because of his headaches.
I suppose that was
part of his plan to keep harmony in the family.
God bless him.
Daphne, wait up.
I'll ride down with you.
Frasier, you have a chance for something real with Nancy.
Only a fool would throw that away chasing after some…
It's here!
Oh, wait for me!
…pie in the sky…
What an idiot.
Tatiana, Frasier Crane calling.
Yes, uh, pick up if you're there.
Well, I guess I missed you.
The question is…
Have you missed me?
Oh, hi, Frasier
Hi, Roz.
Why so glum?
Why else?
The weekend's starting again, and I don't have a date.
Oh.
Do you know how long it's been since…
You know.
I probably forgot how.
Oh, no, Roz.
I'm sure it'll come back.
It's just like riding a bicyclist.
Bicycle.
You're in the same boat.
Why don't you come over
and hang out with me and Alice tonight?
I'll rent a movie, and we can order pizza.
I'd love to, but I've got a date with Nancy.
That's still going on?
Yes. In fact, we're going out tonight on our third date.
You know the kind.
It's like one of your first dates.
Oh, ha-ha.
Ha.
Well, I got to go.
All right.
You're Dr. Crane, right?
Yes, I am.
Can I help you?
A woman dropped this off for you.
Oh, my gosh.
It must be another gift from my secret admirer.
You've got a secret admirer?
Yes, I do.
In fact, the other day
she sent me these cuff links.
At least, I think it's the same woman.
Unless a third person
has thrown her hat into the ring.
Oh, my God.
You have two women?
At least.
And you're juggling them, and you're getting jewelry?
Why is that so hard to believe?
I guess, since they cloned that sheep, anything's possible.
Hey, Roz.
Hey, Frasier.
Dad, Niles.
What is that?
Oh, not another gift from your mystery woman.
Yes. Yes, indeed, it is.
Oh, my God.
It's a Patek Philippe pocket watch.
That is stunning.
I almost bought one like that on my honeymoon,
only Maris thought it was too impractical,
so we got that glockenspiel instead.
So, who do you think this stuff is from?
Gosh, I haven't smoked her out yet,
but she certainly has exquisite taste.
Doesn't have a bad eye for jewelry, either.
He was like this last night.
It was all I could do to keep my beer down.
Why, lookie there.
No, not yet, Dad.
That's Tina Dalton.
We dated last summer.
And now it turns out she's in the cafe
just as this little bauble arrives.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Uh, Frasier, before you go over there…
Niles, please.
I've had enough of your finger wagging.
I am doing what any red-blooded man would do.
For God sakes, there's nothing wrong with playing the field.
Looks like you've been eating the field.
What did you have for lunch?
Pesto! Oh, my God!
All right, I better go freshen up.
Look at this mess.
It's too bad it's not Bubble Wrap.
You don't know what funny is
until you see Eddie go at a sheet of that stuff.
Poppity-pop-pop-pop!
He gets all scared and runs away,
and then screws up his courage and comes back again and…
Poppity-pop-pop-pop!
And he runs away again.
Yeah, I watched him for an hour one time.
You know, it's amazing how entertained you can be
by something so simple.
Poppity-pop-pop-pop!
Oh, my…
What is it?
This card that came with the gift.
Frasier must not have noticed it.
"Missing you every moment, my dear, sweet Niles."
Do you realize what this means?
Well, yeah.
You're the one with the secret admirer.
And a pretty nice watch, too.
Well, I don't get this.
How could this happen?
Well…
The other gift was left in Frasier's squash bag,
which is exactly like mine, and…
I guess, today, the waitress must have
mistaken Frasier for me.
You don't suppose it's Daphne?
Yeah, she took that second job
washing that old Mrs. Lumkin's hair
just so she could give you Cartier.
Besides
the note said it's someone you've been with.
Hmm. Well, there've been so few women since Maris.
There were so few women before Maris.
Hence there was Maris.
I'll bet it is Maris.
You said you saw that watch on your honeymoon.
That's absurd.
Dad, we're in the process of finalizing a divorce.
Excuse me, miss.
Do you remember the woman who brought this?
Yeah. She was very well-dressed and really, really thin.
Well, that could be a lot of people.
She just dropped off the gift,
and then ordered a whole-milk mocha with whipped cream
and chocolate shavings.
Oh, thank God.
That's not her.
It was really weird though.
She took a really long whiff of it,
and then just handed it back.
[CHUCKLES]
[SOBS]
Well, thank you, Marta.
You've been very helpful.
Well, turns out Schenkman dropped Maris,
and now she wants me back again.
Well, that was fun.
We had a little catching up to do,
but it turns out she wasn't the woman sending the gifts.
Yeah. We know.
The gifts are from Maris.
Maris… is my secret admirer?!
No, she sent them to me.
Schenkman dumped her,
and-and she wants me back.
How do you feel about this?
Well, frankly, I feel a little injured.
I thought I had a… a secret admirer.
Well, no matter.
I do have a date with Nancy tonight.
You know, it's our third date.
I was talking to Niles.
Oh. Oh.
I guess I'll just have to go over and…
And talk to Maris and set her straight.
Gee, Niles, I don't know if that's a very good idea.
Well, I… I'm up to my ears in debt.
-Well… -I need to sign this settlement,
and she'll never do that if she thinks there's any hope
of us getting back together.
It just seems a little dangerous
to be confronting her when she's vulnerable.
Don't you agree, Dad?
Don't ask me.
I'm just the ice cream man.
Well, thanks a lot.
Niles, I think this whole pursuit of you
has been brought on by a panicked reaction
to Schenkman dumping her, you know.
Give her a few days.
She'll probably realize that herself.
That's the time when you should approach her.
I can't wait any longer.
Do you have any idea how insulting it is
that she thinks she can buy me back with these trinkets?
I am this close to being free from her
financially and emotionally.
I'm going to settle this right now.
Niles, I just think
you should wait. I…
[SIGHING] Oh, God.
Well, he certainly dashed out of here in a hurry.
I suppose that's a good thing though.
Yeah. He's not going to back down.
That, and he forgot these cufflinks.
I've got a date tonight.
Oh, Daphne, thanks again for taking Dad over to Niles' for me.
I mean, I would do it myself
but, since you are going out…
I'm going to a party three floors down from here.
Oh…
Gosh. I'm so sorry.
I had no idea.
I didn't mean for you to miss any of the fun.
Dad, shake a leg!
Daphne's in a hurry.
You know, frankly, I'm really glad he's going over there.
I have no idea what condition
Niles will be in after he confronts Maris.
Yeah. It's a shame about Dr. and Mrs. Crane.
Seems so difficult these days to make something last.
To find someone to grow old with
and share all of life's little details.
I only hope someday I find that kind of intimacy.
Oh, I'm sure you will, Daphne.
Daphne, where the hell is my scarf!
In your sleeve, where it always is.
Now, come on. Let's get going.
There's construction by the waterfront.
No. We're not going that way.
We're taking my shortcut.
I know your shortcut,
and the waterfront's faster.
Don't start with me!
Don't you start with me
or I'll leave you here.
Oh, hi. How you doing?
Come on in.
And we're turning on my radio station in the car.
Fine. It's better than listening to you talk.
Is this a bad time?
No. No. No. That's a bad time.
Hi.
Boy, you look sensational.
Thank you. So do you.
Oh, thank you very much.
Can I interest you in a glass of wine?
-Lovely. -Perfect.
I've been here before, you know.
Two years ago, for your Christmas party.
I don't remember this chair.
Oh, well, normally, there's something draped over it.
My father.
Oh, there's a message on your machine.
Must have come in while I was cooking dinner.
I only mention it because I gave my secretary your number
so she can call me about tomorrow morning's conference
in case, you know, I don't find my way home tonight.
Oh… well, you just reverse the directions I gave you earlier…
Oh…
Feel free to check the machine if you like.
I'll just go stir the risotto.
WOMAN: Frasier, this is Cheryl returning your call,
and no, I didn't send you anything.
I thought I told you when we broke up…
It's over.
[LAUGHING]
Boy, is that old message still on there?
Cheryl and I broke up so long ago
I can't even remember when.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Friday, 6:51 p.m.
I know it was a Friday.
Oh, well, we all have exes.
As long as it's over.
It is over, right?
Oh, God, yes.
It certainly is over.
Oh, Nancy, please.
Here, come sit with me.
Listen, I want to tell you.
I… I'm not interested in anyone but you.
[PHONE RINGING]
You know, perhaps I'd better get that.
That could be your secretary.
Oh, let the machine get it.
[PHONE RINGING]
WOMAN 2: Frasier, it's Denise.
I don't know
how you got my number,
but I'm not interested in dating you again.
Denise! Ha-ha!
You prankster!
No. No. No. I won't.
No. Absolutely not. I promise.
Never again.
Well, how about we have
that dinner now?
I don't believe this.
You have been calling other women for dates.
-How could you lie to me? -No.
I didn't lie to you.
Why would I lie to you?
I have nothing to hide.
[PHONE RINGING]
Oh, let me get that!
Hello. Yes, uh…
Oh, I'm… uh, yes. Just a moment.
Uh…
It's your secretary.
Hi, Gwen. Call me in the car in five minutes.
I'm going home.
No! No! Nancy!
Nancy, please.
Please. Oh, please don't be hasty.
I… I realize I've done something rather foolish.
Listen, let me explain.
Nancy, look, the truth is
I did call some women.
I guess I was feeling insecure
and a little nervous about getting close to you.
I don't blame you for being angry,
and I wouldn't blame you
if you wanted to leave.
It's just that I…
I think we really have something here.
Well, I thought we had something, too.
I made a mistake. I…
Give me another chance.
Well, that risotto did sound good.
Okay.
Frasier…
Oh, Madeline…
I got that note you left under my door.
I am so sorry about that…
I was so happy to hear from you.
Really?
I was just thinking about you the other day.
I don't even remember
why we stopped seeing each other.
Oh, gosh…
What is go…
This again?
Look, this date is over.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
You slipped a note under my door,
and you're on a date with her?
Well, you heard her.
Technically, this date is over.
Don't ever call me again.
Or me, you… freak!
Nancy! Madeline!
Please! Give me a second chance!
Either one of you!
So then Daphne takes a left on Madison.
Bumper to bumper, all the way to Pike.
Then a right on Pike, and what do you know?
Kingdome traffic. So I say…
Dear God! This is taking forever.
-[DOORBELL RINGS] -Exactly.
Then, here we are on Fifth…
Wait. Wait. Don't go away!
I'm coming!
Oh, Frasier…
I have just had one of the worst experiences of my life.
You took Madison, didn't you?
You're as bad as Daphne.
What you should have done…
Oh, let it go!
Please come in.
How was your date?
Well, Nancy discovered that I had been pursuing other women.
How did she find that out?
It wasn't hard.
You see, I pursued one during the date.
Well, I-I'm sorry.
Yeah, so am I, Fras.
Well, thanks, guys.
I just…
I should have listened to your advice, Niles.
How did things go with Maris?
I wish I knew.
I… I returned the gifts
and told her there was no chance of reconciliation.
She didn't get mad.
In fact, she was eerily calm.
She just stood there with a blank stare on her face,
rubbing her ocelot.
You know, they got a cream for that.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Maybe she'll come around.
You've given her
a lot to digest.
Oh, no.
What is it?
Oh, dear God.
I don't believe it.
I… I thought
I made myself perfectly clear.
What is wrong with that woman?
Why don't you start, Frasier?
I'll jump in when you get hoarse.
"Roses are red, your heart is fickle,
"When I'm through with you,"
all you'll have left is this nickel."
Oh, no.
Oh, God. She's going to ruin me.
No. No, Niles.
You know, maybe she's just bluffing, for God's sakes.
I mean, once she's signed the financial settlement…
She's not bluffing.
This is the financial settlement.
Oh, Frasier, why did I go over there?
Why didn't I listen to you?
If I had, I'd be sitting with Nancy right now,
sipping wine in front of the fire.
I'll be stripped clean and devoured like an animal.
And I won't be!
All right, now…
Enough of these long faces.
Who wants ice cream?
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
Oh, my.
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪