McCASKILL: What do you see here?
DAPHNE: It's two bunnies clawing each other to death over a Lima bean.
Forgive me, Dr. McCaskill, but this game seems rather silly.
I understand how you might feel that way,
but it's helpful to me. Now, last one.
It's a woman.
Okay, then.
She's skinning a pigeon with a hatchet.
Are we done now?
I think we still have some work to do.
I just don't think there's any good reason for me to be here.
The judge felt differently.
Oh, what does he know, saying I need anger management?
I'm not an angry person. I never have been.
Daphne, wasn't it anger that led you to cause that four-car accident?
Oh, yes, but I was provoked into that.
I'm not angry anymore.
Well, there may be a level of emotion you're not entirely in touch with.
Let's talk about your life in general. You said you had a fiancé?
Yes, Donny. He's a wonderful, generous man.
In fact, he did the sweetest thing for me last week,
totally out of the blue.
ALL: Surprise!
DONNY: Welcome to your shower, honey.
Oh, my God, you're trembling.
Yes, well, I'm absolutely blown away.
Oh, come on, Daphne, you were on to us.
No, really. You had me completely fooled.
We may have an even bigger surprise for you later on.
Yes, but, first things first, let's get you some champagne.
DAPHNE: I'm not usually much for surprise parties,
but I could see how much trouble Donny went to.
He invited all my friends, made the food.
He even planned some games.
We played this one game where everyone's in groups,
then each group dresses one person
in a bridal gown made out of toilet paper.
-I can't remember what it's called. -Toilet Paper Bridal Gown.
Yes, that's it. Have you played?
I'm familiar with it.
DAPHNE: Then you know, as the bride,
I had to judge which group made the best dress
while another woman was in charge of…
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Time! Stop right now or be disqualified.
Designers, present your brides. Team A.
-DONNY: Da-da-dah! -HOLLY: Ta-da!
DAPHNE: Oh, very nice, Donny.
Team B.
We're not finished yet.
You shouldn't have spent so much time with the sketches.
Team C. Where's team C? Team C, time!
[FRASIER HUMMING "WEDDING MARCH"]
You'll notice that I used the quilted variety for the bodice
and the edging on the veil.
Well, you all look fantastic, but I think we have a winner. Team C.
Oh, Donny, I'm sorry.
Holly, it's not your fault. I should have been more radiant.
If there happens to be another game, do you think you can arrange for me
to be on the same team as your friend Holly?
-Developed a little crush? -As a matter of fact, I have.
It's just I haven't had a chance to get to speak with her.
Well, I'll do what I can, but I'm not really in charge here.
[MEL BLOWS WHISTLE]
All right, people. Next game, bridal charades.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Roz, you know, someday you're going to make a beautiful bride.
Of course, your dress won't be made out of toilet paper.
Or be white.
DONNY: Everybody, everybody.
Daphne, your big surprise has arrived.
Now, this is someone that I know that you are dying to see.
-Your parents? -No, not till next week.
-My mother? -No, someone good.
-My brother? -Your favorite brother.
Stephen.
Stephen… No.
-Billy? -Um…
-DAPHNE: Michael? -Well…
Nigel? David?
SIMON: Hello. Thirsty man waiting out here.
Simon.
-Hello… -Daphne.
-Simon. -Come here.
[SIMON YELLS]
Everyone, this is my brother Simon.
-ALL: Hi. -HOLLY: Hey, Simon.
Oh, Stilts, aren't you a sight?
Stilts?
Growing up, I was a bit tall for my age.
Giant, like she was on stilts.
-They follow you, Simon. -Yeah, right.
Well, it's nice to meet you all.
Especially whichever one's the bartender.
Oh, that would be me.
Oh, what a pretty, little bartender you are.
-Right this way. -After you.
-Oh. -I'd rather walk behind you anyway.
I just love your accent. It's so sophisticated.
All right.
DONNY: Oh, boy, I really screwed up, didn't I?
FRASIER: Now, isn't Stephen the favorite brother?
Yes. Even I knew that, and I barely listen to her.
I know, I know. I got the names mixed up.
But you have mentioned Simon too?
Yes, a freeloader who sits around the house drinking beer all day.
-Well, that's a lot of people. -You're retired.
You have such a dirty mind.
And that would be a terrible thing to waste.
[SIMON LAUGHING]
-DAPHNE: Simon. -SIMON: Yeah, right.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane and his father Martin.
-Yeah, pleasure to meet you. -Simon, how are you?
-Pleasure to meet you. -These are the people I work for.
-You've met my fiancé, Donny. -Hey.
-Oh, thanks for flying me over. -DONNY: Yeah.
Yeah, about that.
Didn't it seem unusual to you when he called you my favorite brother?
Now that you mention it, it did strike my ear as a bit odd,
you being so partial to Stephen.
But then I thought, "Women change their minds all the time.
Brothers fall in and out of favor. Maybe it's my turn."
And a good thing too,
as it was an especially good time for me to get out of England.
God, he talks just like a prince.
-So, Simon, where are you staying? -Thanks, mate.
Donny says that Frasier's offered to put me up.
Yes, when he told me that he was inviting Daphne's favorite brother,
I didn't hesitate, of course.
The sad truth is we don't really have a bed for you.
Oh, the couch will suit me just fine.
You wouldn't really be comfortable there for more than a day or two.
Oh, don't worry about that.
I once slept on a couch for three months
before I even realized it pulled out.
The main thing is that I spend as much time as possible
with my baby sister. Oh!
Simon, look what you did!
It was my absolute favorite dress, one I save for special occasions.
He wasn't in the door five minutes before he ruined it.
And yet you still felt responsible for putting him up.
I didn't have much choice.
If I turned him out, I'd never hear the end of it from Mom.
I'm hearing that your relatives are a source of some anger for you.
So? Aren't yours?
Well, they might be if I still talked to any of them.
[LAUGHING]
Anyway,
I can see how your brother's presence was adding stress.
But what I'm not sure of is how you got from there
to causing the four-car pileup.
DAPHNE: Well, things got much more difficult
once Simon settled into the house.
[LOCK CLICKING]
Good evening, Dr. Crane. I hope you had a pleasant day.
Where's Simon?
I think he's out with Mr. Crane again.
They seem to have taken quite a shine to each other.
Simon's introduced him to rugby.
Yes, I really must thank him for that.
After all, poor dad, before he came, had no sport to watch
between the hours of 2 and 6 a.m.
Did you happen to see the kitchen this morning?
Yes, I guess they got some take-out.
It looked like a Kung Pao bomb went off.
I still have moo shu stuck in the tread of my driving moccasins.
I'm sorry Simon's been such an imposition,
but he's leaving soon.
He's decided to tour the West Coast until the wedding.
-Oh, Lord, that's a relief. -Yes.
Oh, by the by, I invited my friend Holly over for drinks tonight.
Maybe you could join us.
Might give you two an opportunity to get better acquainted.
If you're offering your attractive friend as a peace offering,
well, then, I accept.
I better go and make myself irresistible.
You won't have time for much. She's on her way.
Well, it's probably better that way, you know, give her a fighting chance.
Mr. Crane, I thought you were out with Simon.
-Nope, just Eddie. -Then where's Simon?
Daphne! Your brother is in my bed, nude!
DAPHNE: Simon Moon, get out of Dr. Crane's room!
Oh, the poor guy probably just needed a nap.
It's the jet lag. Couple of days and he'll be on our time.
A couple more days, he'll be on our sidewalk.
Sorry about that. I'm a bit sleepy today.
I think I'm coming down with a cold.
[COUGHS, SNIFFS]
Nothing another night of drinking won't cure, I'm sure.
Well, let's hope.
Is that my robe you're wearing?
-Yeah, yeah, you want it back? -No, no.
It's all right. I got shorts underneath them.
Are those my shorts?
Well, I didn't think you'd mind. I found them on the bathroom floor.
DAPHNE: Look, if you need to lie down, you can use my room.
All right. Don't forget to wake me for dinner.
-I woke you for lunch, didn't I? -SIMON: Yeah, right.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, dear God, that'll be Holly. Dad, please, make yourself scarce.
Ah. Holly, hello again.
Hello, Dr. Crane, nice to see you again.
Yes, yes. Please, call me Frasier. Come on in.
Hi, Holly. I'm glad you could make it.
Me too. My boss can be such a pain.
Oh, too bad. This one here keeps me in stitches all day long.
Wocka-wocka.
-Let me bring you girls some drinks. -Oh, no, no, no, let me get them.
-Could you keep Holly company? -All right.
Well, Holly, please, have a seat.
You know, we didn't really get much of a chance to talk at the shower.
But let me see, you're in the music business, aren't you?
Yes. Right now I'm planning a reggae festival on Mercer Island.
Oh, well, I'll have to remind myself
to take the "Rasta-ferry" over and catch it.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
-Frasier just told the cutest joke. -FRASIER: Well…
Oh, I'm sorry, I came back as quickly as I could.
I just remembered I left a tray of hors d'œuvre on the counter.
Oh, no, let me, Daphne. I'm not gonna let you wait on me all night.
DAPHNE: Oh, thank you.
-Allow me. -Well?
Well, I like her, actually. And you know, I think she likes me too.
-So are you gonna ask her out? -Oh, now, now, Daphne.
You can't rush things with a girl like Holly.
She's the kind of girl you just don't do that to.
Yes, she has to be wooed.
You know, to be honest, this is the part of the dance that excites me the most.
You know, the coy verbal volleys, the subtle body language,
the probing glances as we explore our mutual passions.
Um, that jacket you're wearing
-might be too conservative. -Really?
-Why don't you change? -FRASIER: All right.
What do you think? Maybe a sweater?
Do you think I'd look more freewheeling in my blue and my…
Good God.
He has a cold, you know.
I had no idea that Simon and Holly
had gotten so cozy at my wedding shower.
Of course, try telling that to Dr. Crane.
-He blamed you for what happened? -Of course he did.
The tension in the house was just getting worse.
Then two nights later, I thought I was getting a break from it all.
I had the house all to myself for a change, which was a good thing
because I was meeting Donny's parents the next day.
I decided I'd use the evening to take a nice hot bath,
give myself a manicure, you know, how you do.
Dr. Crane, what happened to your concert?
Simon happened.
I've caught his wretched cold.
I'm just gonna go curl up in bed.
After all, if I don't take care of myself, who will?
Make me some tea and honey, won't you?
Hey, Daph.
I thought you and Simon were watching the game at McGinty's.
Oh, the cable went out. I'll just watch it here.
-Then where's Simon? -He's at the bar. He met some people.
Oh, listen, if you're going in the kitchen, would you get me a beer?
He's got a knack for making friends. And a great storyteller.
Is it true you wet your pants
the first time you saw a Chinese person?
He told you that?
Oh, he's gonna kill me. He was gonna try to work it into his wedding toast.
Hey, come on in. Make yourself comfortable.
Hey, Stilts, I didn't know you'd be home.
God, what a sight.
If you took your teeth out and put them in your pocket, you'd look like Mum.
Oh, sod off, Simon. Who are these people?
These are new friends. They've come to watch the game.
-This is Dan, this is… -Judd.
Judd, yeah. And this here is Paris.
Oh, Paris. Does that make you French?
No, but a couple of beers might.
Brilliant. Brilliant.
What on earth is going on out here?
It's no big deal. A few people came to watch the game.
Well, you might have consulted with me first.
Let's get you back to bed, Dr. Crane. I'll bring your tea in a minute.
Very well, Daphne. It seems I've caught a cold from someone.
Well, you might have mentioned that before I took a nap in your bed.
If you don't mind me saying, Marty,
you're a saint for putting up with that man.
Your life must be very trying. Very trying indeed.
Oh, do not get me started.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Could someone get that? I have a tray to make for Dr. Crane.
Bring us some beers, would you?
-Hi, Simon. -Hello.
Are you ready to go to dinner? We made a date.
Of course, a date. Just hang on there a minute.
-Hello, Roz. -Roz, I forgot where I put my jacket.
-Right here. -Right.
I'm just going out for a bit, love.
Make yourself comfortable. I won't be late.
I don't believe this. I got dressed up, I got a sitter,
and you don't even remember we made a date.
-Some classy brother, Daphne. -Now you're making me feel bad.
I tell you what, dinner's on me tonight.
Daphne, can I talk to you for a minute?
Don't bother, Simon.
Hey, will you keep it down? The game's on.
-Daph, how about some snacks? -Well, maybe a couple of sandwiches.
Oh, get it yourself. I have laundry to check on.
Hey, did you do my delicates?
I thought I'd cool off while I was in the laundry room, but no such luck.
Look at this.
My favorite dress, ruined.
Just when I'd gotten the wine stain out,
someone pulled it out of the machine and tossed it into a puddle of bleach.
I got them back, though.
I pulled all their clothes out of the dryer
and threw them onto the dirty, wet floor.
Oh, what do you care? I need a drink, a big one.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, well, that will be my date again. I knew she couldn't stay mad long.
Coming, Rose.
-Hi. -Hello, Donny. Who's this, then?
This is my mom and dad. I was picking them up at the airport to meet Daphne.
-This is Simon, Daphne's brother. -Oh, nice to meet you, yeah.
Hi, how are you? Hey, word to the wise,
Daphne's in a bit of a mood tonight.
Why don't I let her know you're here?
DAPHNE: There, that's the last of that bottle.
-Thanks for bringing my whiskey. -It's mine.
You'll have to fight me for it, old man.
DONNY: Honey, honey?
Mom, Dad, uh…
…this is my fiancée, ha-ha-ha, Daphne.
Hello.
-I thought we were doing this tomorrow. -I wanted to surprise you.
Why, because your last surprise worked out so well?
We should've called first.
No, this is so embarrassing. I'm such a mess.
-Come on, you've looked worse. -Donny.
-Maybe we better go. -Oh, no, no, please, come in.
The more the merrier.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, for God's sake, who the hell is that now?
She's very lovely.
I know what you did.
Someone saw you leave the laundry room.
You threw all my wet clothes all over the floor.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize they were still wet.
-Here, let me help. -What are you doing?
Oh, that's nice and hot.
-WOMAN: Stop it. -What? Not fast enough for you.
-Here. -WOMAN: Stop it.
Maybe if we air-dried them…
That should do it. You happy now?
-[HORN HONKING] -[THUD]
-[HORNS HONKING] -[THUDDING]
Fine. I guess I'll just have to make my own tea.
[SIRENS APPROACHING]
It never occurred to me that stuff would fall on people's windshields.
Well, I can certainly see why you felt provoked.
Thank you.
Now, if the judge had seen it your way
we could have all saved ourselves a lot of time.
There's something that confuses me just a little.
Yes?
This dress that was ruined, you keep saying it was your favorite.
That's right.
So why were you wearing it at your bridal shower?
Well, it's a momentous event, don't you think?
-But you said it was a surprise. -Well, yes,
it was.
So just what were you expecting when you went over there?
Daphne, right on time. Glad you're here. Come in.
Let me take your coat.
I brought the recipe.
Hm? Oh, for sticky toffee pudding. Mmm.
Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it, to teach you to make it?
Yes.
-You're not buying it, are you? -No, not really.
So do you know why I asked you here tonight?
I think I do.
I mean, when a man asks you to his house
to make pudding on a Saturday night, you…
Pretty flimsy excuse, wasn't it?
Well, it got me here.
Well, I'm glad.
-Make yourself comfortable. -All right.
ALL: Surprise!
DONNY: Welcome to your shower, honey.
Oh, my God, you're trembling.
Yes, well, I'm absolutely blown away.
Oh, come on, Daphne, you were on to us.
No, really. You had me completely fooled.
My God.
Dr. Crane.
You know, it might be time to start calling him Niles.
This is so confusing.
I mean, what about Donny? He's the man I love.
Are you sure about that?
No.
Oh, I have so many questions. What does this mean? What do I do?
I'm sorry, but our time is up.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]