1
00:00:16,552 --> 00:00:18,221
There he is, Niles.
2
00:00:18,388 --> 00:00:20,014
That's our Yorick.
3
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,310
He's perfect, Frasier.
4
00:00:26,021 --> 00:00:29,984
The missing link for our
backyard production of Hamlet.
5
00:00:30,151 --> 00:00:32,571
Exactly what I was thinking.
6
00:00:32,738 --> 00:00:34,657
Now get up there.
7
00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:38,787
-Why me?
-Because I'm the director, that's why.
8
00:00:40,288 --> 00:00:42,332
Come on.
9
00:00:44,752 --> 00:00:46,337
Just get up there.
10
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:55,515
-"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him…"
-Knock it off. Ow.
11
00:00:55,682 --> 00:00:58,184
-Are you okay?
-No.
12
00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:00,854
You cracked my skull.
13
00:01:04,275 --> 00:01:05,651
FRASIER: May I get a double latte?
14
00:01:05,735 --> 00:01:07,737
One shot decaf espresso,
one shot of regular espresso,
15
00:01:07,821 --> 00:01:10,282
streamed low-fat milk
and some non-fat foam.
16
00:01:10,449 --> 00:01:12,033
Sure.
17
00:01:16,497 --> 00:01:17,582
Well?
18
00:01:17,749 --> 00:01:20,627
He didn't even blink an eye.
The man's unflappable.
19
00:01:20,794 --> 00:01:21,944
He's amazing, isn't he?
20
00:01:22,045 --> 00:01:26,092
He made me a chai spice
ristretto-Americano con panna
21
00:01:26,259 --> 00:01:29,179
as if people had been
drinking them for centuries.
22
00:01:29,345 --> 00:01:31,557
Truly, this is a golden age.
23
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:34,435
Oh, did Dad tell you?
Our old house is on the market.
24
00:01:34,602 --> 00:01:35,853
FRASIER: It doesn't surprise me.
25
00:01:35,937 --> 00:01:38,731
That whole area's undergoing
what they call a revitalization.
26
00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:42,165
Of course, they'll probably just
tear it down and put up a Benetton.
27
00:01:42,278 --> 00:01:46,115
Bath & Body Works or Sunglass Hut.
28
00:01:46,282 --> 00:01:47,951
I sort of like Bath & Body Works.
29
00:01:48,118 --> 00:01:49,953
I do, too.
30
00:01:50,454 --> 00:01:52,831
I had this crazy thought, Frasier.
31
00:01:52,998 --> 00:01:54,626
What if we bought the house?
32
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:56,876
You mean as a rental property?
33
00:01:56,961 --> 00:02:01,801
Perhaps. Or as a guest maisonette
for our out-of-town visitors.
34
00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:05,388
-Daphne's mother, perhaps?
-Oh, hadn't thought of that.
35
00:02:05,555 --> 00:02:06,681
That's a good idea.
36
00:02:06,848 --> 00:02:09,810
Buy her a house and she'll never leave.
37
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,856
You know, Niles, we could
open it up to the general public.
38
00:02:14,023 --> 00:02:17,778
-That's not a bad idea. A warm bed…
-A freshly baked scone.
39
00:02:17,945 --> 00:02:20,155
-A moderate fee.
-It would pay for itself.
40
00:02:20,322 --> 00:02:21,990
As a B&B.
41
00:02:22,157 --> 00:02:24,285
If you two break into song, I'm leaving.
42
00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:27,747
-Hello, every…
-Roz, listen to this.
43
00:02:27,831 --> 00:02:28,874
[YAWNS]
44
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:30,959
-I'm sorry.
-That's all right. Have a seat.
45
00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:35,257
I just bought Alice a new
hamster and it's kept me up all night
46
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:39,929
running around on that squeaky damn wheel.
47
00:02:40,096 --> 00:02:41,946
Why don't you get it a quieter wheel?
48
00:02:42,098 --> 00:02:44,558
-Or oil the squeak?
-Or take the wheel out at night?
49
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:47,187
Or put the cage in another room?
50
00:02:49,064 --> 00:02:50,107
Thank you.
51
00:02:50,274 --> 00:02:51,817
Where were you all at 3:00 this morning
52
00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:55,280
when I was trying to shove
a Sominex into a carrot?
53
00:02:56,239 --> 00:03:00,202
I used to have the same problem
when I was raising show rats.
54
00:03:03,957 --> 00:03:07,961
You don't mean the nasty,
plague-propagating vermin, do you?
55
00:03:08,128 --> 00:03:14,595
No, I mean purebred rats, as in
Siamese or Himalayan or husky.
56
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,764
My most prized one was an Andalusian Blue
57
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:21,185
named Lady Prissy and she
wasn't sick a day in her life.
58
00:03:21,352 --> 00:03:25,940
So don't go blaming all rats
just because of a few bad apples.
59
00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:28,193
A few bad apples?
60
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,032
Daphne, they spread a disease
that nearly wiped out half of Europe.
61
00:03:32,198 --> 00:03:33,617
Shows what you know.
62
00:03:33,783 --> 00:03:36,786
Those were common European brown rats.
63
00:03:36,953 --> 00:03:38,705
-Yes, but the point…
-DAPHNE: Oh, no, no.
64
00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:41,458
I'll sit here and listen to you
prattle on about wine and opera
65
00:03:41,542 --> 00:03:44,880
but when it comes to
rats, you're in my house.
66
00:03:50,219 --> 00:03:52,805
MARTIN: Old man Lasskopf must
have owned this place 50 years.
67
00:03:52,889 --> 00:03:56,101
-MARTIN: Wonder why he's selling.
-He can get 50 times what he paid.
68
00:03:56,185 --> 00:03:58,437
Yeah, he sure knew how to squeeze a penny.
69
00:03:58,604 --> 00:04:01,154
You know, he never gave
me back my security deposit.
70
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:02,692
I might just bring that up.
71
00:04:02,859 --> 00:04:05,403
Oh, no, you won't.
72
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,699
Once we turn this into a B&B,
you'll make it all back in tips.
73
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:11,535
What the hell is that supposed to…
74
00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:13,788
Oh, Mr. Lasskopf, so
good to see you again.
75
00:04:13,872 --> 00:04:15,415
It's been a long time.
76
00:04:15,582 --> 00:04:17,334
What has?
77
00:04:18,085 --> 00:04:20,004
-We used to rent this house from you.
-Yes.
78
00:04:20,088 --> 00:04:22,590
I'm Niles Crane.
This is my brother Frasier and our dad.
79
00:04:22,674 --> 00:04:24,259
You remember?
80
00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:26,136
Nope.
81
00:04:26,303 --> 00:04:28,138
Nope.
82
00:04:28,305 --> 00:04:29,807
You sort of look familiar.
83
00:04:29,975 --> 00:04:33,269
I should. Paid you rent for ten years,
left the place in perfect condition,
84
00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:36,357
and you never gave me
back my security deposit.
85
00:04:37,274 --> 00:04:40,194
Nope, don't remember you either.
Come on in.
86
00:04:40,903 --> 00:04:42,447
Go ahead, Dad.
87
00:04:42,614 --> 00:04:46,702
Oh, boy, this brings back memories.
88
00:04:46,868 --> 00:04:48,746
Oh, Niles, do you remember
89
00:04:49,288 --> 00:04:51,248
doing our homework
at the dining room table?
90
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,417
NILES: Oh, yes.
91
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,294
Afternoon piano lessons.
92
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,922
Getting haircuts from your mother.
93
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,968
And Mom's roll-top desk
on this wall over here.
94
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:03,763
Where we wrote all the
Crane Boys Mysteries.
95
00:05:04,431 --> 00:05:07,226
I can still see you pacing
in your writer's tweeds
96
00:05:07,393 --> 00:05:10,396
and half glasses, dictating.
97
00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:13,025
And you in your shawl collar sweater,
98
00:05:13,191 --> 00:05:16,028
hammering away at the keys
of that old Royal typewriter.
99
00:05:16,194 --> 00:05:17,905
Oh, gosh.
100
00:05:18,072 --> 00:05:19,323
When did those two crazy kids
101
00:05:19,407 --> 00:05:22,411
become such a pair of old fuddy-duddies?
102
00:05:24,413 --> 00:05:25,581
Oh, Niles.
103
00:05:25,748 --> 00:05:28,793
Do you remember, here's the window
we used to sneak out of after curfew.
104
00:05:28,877 --> 00:05:30,503
Really? You did? I never knew that.
105
00:05:30,587 --> 00:05:35,051
Sure, Dad.
We used to go out and chase the girls
106
00:05:35,217 --> 00:05:37,511
and have a drink or two.
107
00:05:37,678 --> 00:05:41,224
Well, boys will be boys.
108
00:05:41,391 --> 00:05:42,768
-Frasier.
-Hmm?
109
00:05:46,397 --> 00:05:50,026
We didn't chase girls.
We went out to foreign films.
110
00:05:50,193 --> 00:05:53,043
Do you think Dad wants to hear that?
Throw the guy a bone.
111
00:05:54,531 --> 00:05:57,118
So, what made you finally decide to sell?
112
00:05:57,285 --> 00:06:00,955
-Moving to the Cayman Islands.
-That'll be a change from Seattle.
113
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:02,332
Gee, you think?
114
00:06:04,794 --> 00:06:07,421
Hear they have great scuba
diving down there. You scuba?
115
00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:10,175
Do I look like I scuba?
116
00:06:10,842 --> 00:06:14,346
I'm lucky I don't need a
tank to breathe on land.
117
00:06:15,348 --> 00:06:17,099
Just looking for a change of scenery, huh?
118
00:06:17,183 --> 00:06:18,851
Looking to be left alone.
119
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,023
I'm not what you call a real social type.
120
00:06:23,190 --> 00:06:26,277
You sure made friends
with my security deposit.
121
00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,070
You know, Niles, you're right.
122
00:06:29,197 --> 00:06:31,073
It's not big enough for
a bed and breakfast.
123
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,707
No, but it did give us a
nice walk down memory lane.
124
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,371
Yes.
125
00:06:35,538 --> 00:06:37,123
Niles?
126
00:06:37,791 --> 00:06:41,962
Didn't we stash a memory box
underneath one of these floorboards
127
00:06:42,129 --> 00:06:43,213
right around here?
128
00:06:43,380 --> 00:06:45,632
What? I thought you took
that with you when we moved.
129
00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:47,677
I thought you took it.
130
00:06:47,844 --> 00:06:50,138
-Do you suppose it's still here?
-Well, it must be.
131
00:06:50,222 --> 00:06:53,767
Would you mind if my brother
and I had a look underneath here?
132
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:57,021
You see, we left a sort of a
time capsule underneath there.
133
00:06:57,188 --> 00:07:00,316
Oh, no, you don't.
Nobody's pulling up any floor here.
134
00:07:00,483 --> 00:07:02,277
No, we don't need to. The board was loose.
135
00:07:02,361 --> 00:07:04,405
There's no loose boards.
136
00:07:04,572 --> 00:07:06,949
They've all been nailed down.
I made sure of that.
137
00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:09,619
Couldn't we just check?
Look, I came here to sell this place,
138
00:07:09,703 --> 00:07:11,413
not have it torn apart.
139
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:15,168
So are you serious buyers or
are we wasting our time here?
140
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,984
Allowing us to reclaim a small part
of our past is hardly a waste of time.
141
00:07:19,131 --> 00:07:22,259
Well, it sounds like a
load of tomfoolery to me.
142
00:07:22,426 --> 00:07:24,387
-Let's go.
-FRASIER: Mr. Lasskopf,
143
00:07:24,554 --> 00:07:27,181
I assure you my brother and
I give tomfoolery no quarter.
144
00:07:27,265 --> 00:07:29,475
-We never have.
-LASSKOPF: Oh, no?
145
00:07:29,642 --> 00:07:33,022
What do you call sneaking
out to drink and chase girls?
146
00:07:33,189 --> 00:07:36,289
No, no, no, that wasn't true.
We went out to see foreign films.
147
00:07:37,319 --> 00:07:39,237
I knew it.
148
00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:41,699
No, no, wait.
149
00:07:53,046 --> 00:07:55,465
NILES: There we go.
150
00:07:55,632 --> 00:07:57,300
Well done, Frasier.
151
00:07:57,467 --> 00:08:00,179
-You've still got it.
-Thank you, Niles.
152
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,348
It's just like riding a bicycle.
153
00:08:02,514 --> 00:08:03,640
-Here we go.
-All right,
154
00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:06,644
let's just find our memory
box and get the hell out of here.
155
00:08:06,728 --> 00:08:10,900
Now, I think it's around
here somewhere, hmm?
156
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,526
It's, uh…
157
00:08:16,113 --> 00:08:19,325
I've got it. I've got it. I've got it.
It's right there. This one, this one.
158
00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,286
FRASIER: Okay, okay.
159
00:08:21,787 --> 00:08:24,498
-Let's see if I can get this in here.
-That's it. There it is.
160
00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:26,501
-Good.
-Right. Oh, my gosh.
161
00:08:26,668 --> 00:08:28,545
Imagine that.
162
00:08:28,712 --> 00:08:31,799
That's it, that's it. I'll get that.
Yes, good. Well done.
163
00:08:31,966 --> 00:08:35,762
-Aha.
-Well done, Frasier.
164
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:37,680
Yeah, I think that's as far as it'll go.
165
00:08:37,764 --> 00:08:40,814
All right, reach your hand in
there and see what you can find.
166
00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:45,565
I'm not going to put my hand down there.
There could be rats.
167
00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:48,860
Maybe they're just
down-on-their-luck show rats.
168
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,450
I know. What was that?
169
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:58,247
Don't ask me. You're marrying her.
All right, I'll do it.
170
00:08:58,414 --> 00:09:01,041
All right. Careful, careful.
171
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:05,839
All right, all right, I can see anything.
Oh, no, it's not there, is it?
172
00:09:06,006 --> 00:09:07,590
Well, I don't know. Hang on a minute.
173
00:09:07,674 --> 00:09:09,218
-What?
-Hang on. Wait, wait, wait.
174
00:09:09,302 --> 00:09:11,220
-Yeah?
-Wait. My God. My God.
175
00:09:11,387 --> 00:09:12,512
-Wait a minute.
-Yeah.
176
00:09:12,596 --> 00:09:15,892
There's something.
Hang on, hang on. Yeah, here it is.
177
00:09:16,059 --> 00:09:17,519
[GASPING]
178
00:09:20,273 --> 00:09:23,860
-Oh, my God, Niles, look!
-Don't give it to me!
179
00:09:24,027 --> 00:09:25,153
Is that real?
180
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,739
It certainly feels real.
181
00:09:26,905 --> 00:09:28,657
Well, what's it doing under the floor?
182
00:09:28,741 --> 00:09:30,993
Well, how the hell should I know?
183
00:09:32,954 --> 00:09:35,623
I wonder who it could be.
184
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:38,585
Well, perhaps it's a builder who
got trapped during construction.
185
00:09:38,669 --> 00:09:40,046
Or…
186
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,884
An exterminator who
was overcome with fumes.
187
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,886
Interesting hypotheses, Niles.
Unfortunately, neither is plausible.
188
00:09:46,970 --> 00:09:48,263
-Why not?
-Because, Niles,
189
00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:52,852
when you die your head doesn't
pop off like a champagne cork.
190
00:09:54,145 --> 00:09:56,523
It remains attached to the spine.
191
00:09:57,024 --> 00:09:58,233
And look here, Niles.
192
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:03,740
The temporal bone has been fractured…
193
00:10:04,199 --> 00:10:06,827
As if struck by a blunt object.
194
00:10:06,994 --> 00:10:12,542
So perhaps the poor fellow met his
end in some sort of violent accident.
195
00:10:12,709 --> 00:10:14,669
Violent, yes.
196
00:10:14,836 --> 00:10:16,129
But an accident?
197
00:10:22,887 --> 00:10:25,432
Murder.
198
00:10:26,266 --> 00:10:29,686
Murder most foul.
199
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:38,239
DAPHNE: Hey, Roz, Alice, come on in.
200
00:10:38,406 --> 00:10:40,783
Hey, Martin. Is Frasier home?
201
00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:43,453
No, he and Niles went out.
Wine club or something.
202
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:46,123
-Uh, will he be back soon?
-Hard to say.
203
00:10:46,289 --> 00:10:48,167
Is everything all right? You seem edgy.
204
00:10:48,251 --> 00:10:50,461
-Can I talk to you in the kitchen?
-Of course.
205
00:10:50,545 --> 00:10:52,881
Martin, can Alice watch
TV with you for a second?
206
00:10:52,965 --> 00:10:55,259
Oh, sure she can.
207
00:10:56,969 --> 00:10:58,595
What kind of TV do you like?
208
00:10:58,763 --> 00:11:00,723
-Cartoons.
-MARTIN: Oh, really?
209
00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:02,183
Your mom lets you watch that?
210
00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:04,562
The anvils and dynamite,
211
00:11:04,728 --> 00:11:06,897
and people falling over cliffs and things?
212
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:11,945
Great. Then you should
be all over this hockey game.
213
00:11:13,196 --> 00:11:15,031
So, what's up?
214
00:11:15,198 --> 00:11:17,598
Do you remember Alice's
hamster I told you about?
215
00:11:17,702 --> 00:11:20,496
-Yes. Still keeping you awake?
-Not anymore.
216
00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:22,583
The dog ate it.
217
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,377
Well, half of it.
218
00:11:25,544 --> 00:11:28,756
Oh, no. Something like that
happened when I was a girl.
219
00:11:28,923 --> 00:11:30,966
One of our cats got
into one of my rat cages
220
00:11:31,050 --> 00:11:35,222
and took Little Lord Pinkbottom
right out of show business.
221
00:11:35,389 --> 00:11:38,184
Well, I don't mind the hamster dying.
222
00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:40,687
I just don't know how
to break it to Alice.
223
00:11:40,854 --> 00:11:42,731
She's never had anything die before.
224
00:11:42,898 --> 00:11:45,443
Well, how did your
parents explain it to you?
225
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:46,694
[SIGHS]
226
00:11:46,861 --> 00:11:50,740
The wrong way.
When I was six my canary died.
227
00:11:50,907 --> 00:11:53,744
And that evening my dad
sat on the bed next to me
228
00:11:53,911 --> 00:11:58,833
and said, "Dying is just going
to sleep and never waking up."
229
00:12:00,835 --> 00:12:03,923
Then he turned off the
light and said goodnight.
230
00:12:05,174 --> 00:12:07,426
Well, I'm sure Dr. Crane
will have some good advice
231
00:12:07,510 --> 00:12:08,610
on how to handle this.
232
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,770
Yeah. I mean, I know we kid him and stuff
233
00:12:10,889 --> 00:12:15,770
but when it comes right down to it,
he's one of the smartest people I know.
234
00:12:15,937 --> 00:12:18,898
One thing is certain:
235
00:12:19,482 --> 00:12:22,778
Someone is very dead.
236
00:12:25,782 --> 00:12:28,993
Well, Poirot, you've done it again.
237
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,913
Look, can we just put that
thing down and call the police?
238
00:12:31,997 --> 00:12:34,041
No, no, no, hang on a minute, Niles.
239
00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:37,211
This skull's been underneath
there for a long time now.
240
00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:38,964
What's another hour gonna hurt?
241
00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:41,174
Niles, we've got a real
Crane Boys Mystery here.
242
00:12:41,258 --> 00:12:43,758
Why don't we see if we
can dig up a few more clues?
243
00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:47,181
All right, fair enough, uh, here.
244
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:51,019
All right, so, what do we know?
245
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:56,442
-We have a victim or part of one.
-FRASIER: Correct.
246
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,236
Can we establish motive?
247
00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:01,156
-Not without knowing the victim.
-Correct.
248
00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:03,617
Can we establish opportunity?
249
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:05,534
-Whose opportunity?
-Whose indeed?
250
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,538
It would have to be
someone who's had access
251
00:13:07,622 --> 00:13:08,956
to this house over the years.
252
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,416
We can rule out Mom and Dad.
253
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,367
Of course. What would you
and I be doing with a human skull?
254
00:13:12,451 --> 00:13:13,045
[NILES CHUCKLES]
255
00:13:13,129 --> 00:13:14,964
Oh, wait, Niles.
256
00:13:15,131 --> 00:13:18,093
Oh, dear God, we're idiots.
257
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:20,095
Why are we idiots?
258
00:13:20,554 --> 00:13:22,764
Niles, use your brain.
259
00:13:22,931 --> 00:13:27,228
Think back to elementary school.
260
00:13:27,854 --> 00:13:29,105
I'm not following.
261
00:13:30,566 --> 00:13:31,817
Don't you remember?
262
00:13:31,984 --> 00:13:34,111
That was about the time when…
263
00:13:35,864 --> 00:13:39,034
Mrs. Lasskopf disappeared.
264
00:13:40,493 --> 00:13:42,163
Oh, my God, you're right.
265
00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:44,957
And, you know, they
used to fight all the time.
266
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:47,794
Yes. And then suddenly
she stopped coming around.
267
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,171
I… I always thought that
was because they split up.
268
00:13:50,255 --> 00:13:52,007
Did they?
269
00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:55,178
Or did he split her up?
270
00:13:57,722 --> 00:14:01,477
Cutting off her head and hands so
that the body couldn't be identified
271
00:14:01,644 --> 00:14:03,520
by dental records or fingerprints.
272
00:14:03,687 --> 00:14:06,691
I don't know, Frasier,
that's pretty out there.
273
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,902
Although…
274
00:14:09,069 --> 00:14:11,613
It would explain why Lasskopf
didn't want us poking around
275
00:14:11,697 --> 00:14:12,865
under the floor.
276
00:14:13,032 --> 00:14:15,868
Frasier, we have a victim and a suspect.
277
00:14:16,036 --> 00:14:17,537
All right, not so fast, Niles.
278
00:14:17,704 --> 00:14:18,913
Are you forgetting Item 1
279
00:14:18,997 --> 00:14:23,378
from Top Truths for Teen Sleuths,
A Crane Boys Mysteries Workbook?
280
00:14:23,544 --> 00:14:25,922
"A case is rarely elementary,
281
00:14:26,089 --> 00:14:30,469
-but always evidentiary."
-FRASIER: Yes, exactly.
282
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,932
The only evidence we have is the skull.
283
00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:36,017
Niles…
284
00:14:36,726 --> 00:14:38,645
Hand me those tools.
285
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:43,275
Unless I miss my guess,
this floor isn't done talking.
286
00:14:47,114 --> 00:14:49,991
Niles, you'll never guess
what I just found in the…
287
00:14:51,202 --> 00:14:53,204
Niles, where are you?
288
00:14:53,371 --> 00:14:55,081
I'm here.
289
00:14:57,292 --> 00:14:58,752
I found our memory box
290
00:14:58,919 --> 00:15:04,175
and I think this rock could
be the murder weapon.
291
00:15:04,342 --> 00:15:06,427
Why that rock instead
of all the other rocks?
292
00:15:06,511 --> 00:15:08,472
It's pointier.
293
00:15:08,639 --> 00:15:10,683
Drop the rock, Niles.
294
00:15:10,850 --> 00:15:13,894
The garage has given up
something far more interesting.
295
00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:16,189
Take a look at this.
296
00:15:16,356 --> 00:15:18,525
Financial statements.
297
00:15:21,028 --> 00:15:22,155
[GASPS]
298
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,907
Well, it appears the
Lasskopfs had quite a windfall.
299
00:15:25,074 --> 00:15:28,746
Yes, and it was just before
the time they asked us to leave.
300
00:15:29,621 --> 00:15:32,917
I see, I see. So he killed her,
301
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:36,546
collected the insurance
money, and then evicted us
302
00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:38,924
so he'd have a safe place
to dispose of the body.
303
00:15:39,008 --> 00:15:41,385
Bravo, Niles. But, no.
304
00:15:42,344 --> 00:15:43,722
Insurance is messy.
305
00:15:43,889 --> 00:15:45,848
They require a body
and a death certificate
306
00:15:45,932 --> 00:15:47,082
before they'll pay off.
307
00:15:47,184 --> 00:15:49,311
And messier still, he
would have had to kill her,
308
00:15:49,395 --> 00:15:54,275
conceal her body, get rid of us,
and then bring the body back here.
309
00:15:54,442 --> 00:15:56,820
If that's not insurance, then…
310
00:15:57,988 --> 00:16:00,492
-Inheritance.
-Exactly!
311
00:16:00,658 --> 00:16:03,536
Her parents die and
leave everything to her.
312
00:16:03,703 --> 00:16:05,996
Which means that now the
Lasskopfs want for nothing,
313
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,417
but she's the provider.
314
00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:12,631
And never misses an
opportunity to remind him of it.
315
00:16:12,798 --> 00:16:16,134
-He's emasculated.
-Desperately.
316
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:21,557
And so he hatches a plan.
317
00:16:21,724 --> 00:16:27,231
"Darling, why don't we evict the Cranes?
318
00:16:27,397 --> 00:16:29,901
We don't need their rent money anymore."
319
00:16:30,068 --> 00:16:32,070
"No, thanks to my family's frugal nature
320
00:16:32,237 --> 00:16:34,405
and untimely death."
321
00:16:34,572 --> 00:16:39,119
And so out go the Cranes
and the house is empty.
322
00:16:39,286 --> 00:16:41,206
"Darling,
323
00:16:41,790 --> 00:16:45,377
"why don't we go and
see in what condition"
324
00:16:45,544 --> 00:16:49,298
the Cranes have left the house?" Hmm?
325
00:16:49,465 --> 00:16:52,803
"You go, you lazy parasite.
I'm having my nails done."
326
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,057
I mean, "Okay."
327
00:16:58,476 --> 00:16:59,894
So…
328
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,481
In they stroll.
329
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,402
He with murderous intent,
330
00:17:06,569 --> 00:17:09,947
she with nary an inkling of
the tragedy about to befall her.
331
00:17:12,742 --> 00:17:17,748
He pretends to inspect the house.
332
00:17:17,915 --> 00:17:19,292
"Darling…
333
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:22,754
Why what's this mark
over here on the wall?"
334
00:17:22,921 --> 00:17:24,381
-"Where?"
-"There.
335
00:17:24,548 --> 00:17:26,300
"Look."
336
00:17:26,842 --> 00:17:28,595
"Closer."
337
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:30,680
Closer."
338
00:17:30,847 --> 00:17:33,517
And as she leans in, he does her in!
339
00:17:33,684 --> 00:17:36,896
"No, Alfred, no!"
Oh, that makes perfect sense.
340
00:17:37,062 --> 00:17:41,401
We have a victim. We have a motive.
And we have evidence for both.
341
00:17:41,568 --> 00:17:43,653
If only we had a murder
weapon to tie it together.
342
00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:46,487
Niles, don't you remember?
As in many a Crane Boys case,
343
00:17:46,616 --> 00:17:49,911
the absence of a weapon does
not mean the absence of a crime.
344
00:17:50,077 --> 00:17:51,663
Perhaps he pushed her down the stairs
345
00:17:51,747 --> 00:17:54,666
as in The Case of the Unhappy Landing.
346
00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,294
I thought the title gave it away.
347
00:17:57,378 --> 00:18:01,049
Hmm. Well, then we can rename
it once we have them published.
348
00:18:01,925 --> 00:18:04,427
-You think that would ever happen?
-Are you kidding?
349
00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:07,681
Once this hits the papers.
350
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,566
I'm just gonna go down
and check on the laundry.
351
00:18:15,650 --> 00:18:17,550
If Alice wakes up, keep an eye on her.
352
00:18:17,652 --> 00:18:19,570
-What happened to Roz?
-Alice's hamster died
353
00:18:19,654 --> 00:18:21,865
so Roz nipped out to the
store to get her a new one.
354
00:18:21,949 --> 00:18:24,159
Sure. No problem.
355
00:18:29,707 --> 00:18:31,460
Where's Mommy?
356
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:34,880
Oh, hi, hon. Your mom will be right back.
357
00:18:35,631 --> 00:18:37,634
Can we watch hockey?
358
00:18:37,801 --> 00:18:40,053
Uh, well, the game's over, sweetheart.
359
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,683
Canadiens won, by the way,
so you owe me ten bucks.
360
00:18:48,772 --> 00:18:51,400
I miss my hamster.
361
00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:54,027
I know you do, sweetheart.
362
00:18:54,904 --> 00:18:58,825
I'm sure he's up in hamster
heaven missing you too.
363
00:18:58,992 --> 00:19:00,911
What is hamster heaven?
364
00:19:01,078 --> 00:19:03,622
Well, that's where
hamsters go when they die.
365
00:19:03,789 --> 00:19:06,126
Mommy said he was lost.
366
00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:10,714
Oh. Oh. Oh, no.
367
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,842
When will he come back?
368
00:19:13,009 --> 00:19:14,051
Oh, boy.
369
00:19:14,218 --> 00:19:18,974
Well, when a hamster goes to
hamster heaven, it can't come back.
370
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:20,600
But that's okay.
371
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:23,813
-Why?
-Oh, because it's great up there.
372
00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:26,858
They got exercise wheels on every corner.
373
00:19:27,025 --> 00:19:30,279
And the streets are paved with…
374
00:19:31,113 --> 00:19:33,741
-What do hamsters eat?
-Hamster food.
375
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:36,828
Ah, well, that's what the
streets are paved with.
376
00:19:36,995 --> 00:19:38,945
And there aren't any cats to chase him.
377
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,334
-Does cats have a heaven too?
-Oh, sure.
378
00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:47,799
Yeah, same deal, except no wheels
and their streets are paved with fish.
379
00:19:48,717 --> 00:19:51,636
-What about dogs?
-Yeah, dogs, too.
380
00:19:51,803 --> 00:19:53,514
Just about all animals have a heaven.
381
00:19:53,598 --> 00:19:55,099
Is Eddie going?
382
00:19:55,266 --> 00:19:58,520
Oh, no, not… No, not Eddie.
383
00:19:58,687 --> 00:20:02,858
Not for a long time, anyway.
I mean, he's really still just a puppy.
384
00:20:03,025 --> 00:20:04,903
How old is he?
385
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,613
He's about ten.
386
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:09,908
That's not a puppy.
387
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:14,705
Uh, hey, why don't we see if
there are any cartoons on TV?
388
00:20:14,872 --> 00:20:17,042
-Look who's here.
-Hey, everybody.
389
00:20:17,209 --> 00:20:19,711
Look, Alice. Look what Mommy found.
390
00:20:19,878 --> 00:20:21,756
A new hamster.
391
00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:23,007
New?
392
00:20:23,174 --> 00:20:24,884
What makes you think he's new?
393
00:20:25,051 --> 00:20:27,220
Because animals don't
come back from heaven.
394
00:20:27,387 --> 00:20:29,807
-Right, Uncle Martin?
-Right.
395
00:20:29,973 --> 00:20:31,809
We sort of had a little talk.
396
00:20:32,351 --> 00:20:34,437
-You what?
-Well, look, I didn't mean…
397
00:20:34,604 --> 00:20:38,358
Having little talks with Alice
is my territory, not yours.
398
00:20:38,525 --> 00:20:41,320
Well, look, it was an accident.
Like I said, I'm sorry.
399
00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:42,613
Okay.
400
00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:44,656
But death is a tough concept for a kid.
401
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:47,994
I don't want her to be scared or confused.
402
00:20:48,161 --> 00:20:50,413
I like this one better.
403
00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:54,627
Well, I guess she'll pull through.
404
00:20:54,794 --> 00:20:57,172
-Thanks for handling it.
-No problem.
405
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,757
Come on, Alice.
406
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,134
Good night, Martin.
407
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:04,430
-Good night, Roz. Good night, Alice.
-Good night, Uncle Martin. Bye Eddie.
408
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,979
Here, boy.
409
00:21:26,957 --> 00:21:28,584
Oh, my God.
410
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:30,043
My house.
411
00:21:30,210 --> 00:21:33,660
-What have you done to my house?
-Is this the man you told me about?
412
00:21:33,756 --> 00:21:35,091
Yes, it is, Officer.
413
00:21:35,258 --> 00:21:37,219
Well, what the hell's going on?
414
00:21:37,386 --> 00:21:41,056
We dug up your wife.
That's what's going on.
415
00:21:41,223 --> 00:21:43,643
You dug up my wife?
416
00:21:43,810 --> 00:21:47,439
I'll bet you thought nobody
ever would, didn't you?
417
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,400
No!
418
00:21:49,567 --> 00:21:52,069
Well, you didn't count on the Crane boys.
419
00:21:52,236 --> 00:21:54,113
But, how could you?
420
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,784
Oh, a little luck and some
simple deductive reasoning.
421
00:21:57,951 --> 00:21:59,745
That's enough questions out of you.
422
00:21:59,912 --> 00:22:03,374
I think this officer here has a few
questions he'd like to ask you himself.
423
00:22:03,458 --> 00:22:06,795
That's right, sir.
Come this way, Mr. Lasskopf.
424
00:22:06,962 --> 00:22:08,923
-Nice work, men.
-Yeah.
425
00:22:09,632 --> 00:22:11,258
Well, Niles…
426
00:22:11,843 --> 00:22:14,221
Another Crane Boys Mystery solved.
427
00:22:15,263 --> 00:22:16,472
NILES: Wait till we tell Dad.
428
00:22:16,556 --> 00:22:17,725
[FRASIER LAUGHS]
429
00:22:17,892 --> 00:22:21,395
Hey, wait, Niles.
We almost forgot our memory box.
430
00:22:22,688 --> 00:22:24,338
We never even looked inside here.
431
00:22:27,402 --> 00:22:30,573
-Oh, Niles, look.
-Oh.
432
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:35,037
This is the program for our
backyard production of Hamlet.
433
00:22:35,204 --> 00:22:39,124
-I'd totally forgotten about that.
-So had I.
434
00:22:52,181 --> 00:22:54,101
You know, Niles…
435
00:22:55,352 --> 00:22:59,065
We may owe Mr. Lasskopf an apology.
436
00:23:02,944 --> 00:23:04,244
[MOUTHING] Let's go.
437
00:23:12,747 --> 00:23:13,832
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]