When the phone company says they will be at your door
between the hours of 9:00 and noon
they have entered into a verbal contract.
If they show up at 12:47, they are in breach of said contract.
Again, I agree.
Well, I just shouldn't
have waited for them, that's all.
Now my entire day is thrown off.
Still, I appreciate your taking the time to give me a lift.
FRASIER: Yes, well, when you informed me
you had to get to the Promenade shops posthaste
I assumed it was an actual emergency--
not to return a cage
for some silly lovebirds.
It may not be on the order of a fallen pant cuff,
but until I get back home with something more secure,
little Daphne and Niles are living under a colander.
Dear God..
don't tell me you actually named them after yourselves.
A big mistake, I admit.
This morning when Daphne escaped,
I just kept thinking "What if she's hurt or lost
or eaten by a cat?"
Or worse... "What if she meets a bird
who's more birdly than Niles but without the substance."
Trust me, no one is more birdly than Niles.
What is with all this traffic?
I tell you, don't these people have jobs?
Some of us have a radio show to do.
Frasier, relax, you're not on for another hour and a half.
Well... that can't be right.
Oh, dear God!
My show's on in 15 minutes!
I had no idea it was so late.
Hey, you can just drop me out front.
I'll get a cab home.
FRASIER: I'm afraid I'll have to. Damn it!
I tell you, he gets in here and wants to hear his radio station
and he starts pushing buttons like a lab rat on amphetamines.
Excuse me. We've changed our minds.
We won't be parking.
That's two dollars.
No, you see, we just came in for a second
and decided not to park.
Just check the time on the ticket.
Look, it's two dollars for any portion of 20 minutes.
One second, ten minutes, whatever.
Unless you go over, then it's two more dollars
Forgive me. Perhaps I'm not being clear.
You see, I mistakenly pulled in here, decided not to park,
and now I'd like to just get out.
Two dollars.
I have two dollars.
ATTENDANT: Sorry, your mistake
you pay; that's policy.
Oh, really?
It just so happens that I have a few policies of my own,
and one of them is that I do not pay good money for nothing.
Well, not for nothing
but your car's taking up space on the property.
That's not parking. It's parked to me.
But it's been continually in motion.
It stopped.
But it's still running.
It's parked. Look, the fee is two dollars.
. There's nothing you can do
Is that so?
Did you hear that, Niles?
Yes, and it makes sense to me.
Fine.
Have it your way.
(engine shuts off)
What are we doing, Frasier?
If I'm going to be paying for parking,
we are going to get our 20 minutes worth.
Then he may have my $2.
(car horns honking)
and a little bit of sky.
Ear with sky.
Well, this is it.
Sorry, it's taken me so long
to pick up the last of my things.
Oh, no problem.
Frasier's not having the carpet people here till Friday.
Oh, really?
When it was my room
he said the carpet's good for another 20 years.
Yeah, well, now it's going to be a reading sanctuary.
He's turning my room into a library?
No, he made it very clear it was a reading sanctuary.
A library implies sharing.
I think there are some pieces missing from this one.
You always say that. Keep looking.
Why do I even do this stupid thing?
Some puzzle. There's a picture
of what it's going to look like right on the box.
You always say that, too.
(barking)
What's wrong, Eddie?
Come, boy.
He must know
you're moving.
He gets this way whenever I bring out my suitcase.
He knows I'm going away, and he starts raising hell.
Boy, come.
(barking continues)
Yeah, that's what it looks like.
Well, there's nothing to get upset about.
I'll be here every day for your physical therapy.
You hear that, boy?
She'll be here every day to torture your master.
(barks)
What should I do?
Maybe it'd distract him if you made me lunch.
(horn honking)
Hold it, man!
Dumbass!
Other motorists are getting angry.
If they weren't so shortsighted
they'd see that I'm doing this for their own good.
Like correcting people's grammar--
I don't do it to be popular.
And I support that, but in this case
I strongly feel that we should pay the money
and get out of here before there's violence.
Oh, Niles, they can get around us if they want to.
So, what, it takes them an extra two seconds?
It's a small price to pay for making this a better world.
Niles, you'll get home
to your stupid, filthy birds soon enough!
I meant that your radio show is about to start.
Dumbass.
(horns honking)
Right.
doc? Where the hell's the
He still isn't here.
It's almost show time.
I swear to God nobody here has any discipline.
I mean, gee whiz, I try to make ever
and all it gets me is a twisted gut.
Well, no more.
This Saturday, we're going to have a staff meeting.
We're going to hash out some rules.
I'm busy Saturday.
. Well, it's not mandatory
(phone rings)
Roz Doyle.
Frasier, where are you?
What?
He's at some mall.
He's still got ten minutes of parking left.
You know, you don't have to us the full 20 minutes.
(Frasier yelling indistinctly) He knows that.
What are you doing?
What? You lost me after Gandhi.
Just stall.
I don't know.
Read some fan mail, if you have to.
There must be!
Just check in my in box!
Oh, never mind.
. I'll be there when I get there
And when I do, I will have a little speech for my listeners
about the power of one.
Sounds like everybody's a winner today.
Are you being snide?
. Because that's not helping
I will just go and return my birdcage.
Niles, you close that door!
You can't desert me in the middle of a fight.
I'm not deserting you.
It would appear to others that you are,
thereby weakening my position.
Please, you must stay.
What the hell is going on here?
I'm glad you asked me that question.
I'm making a stand against this garage
that holds me, my passenger and my automobile hostage
for a parking fee which I do not owe.
He don't want to pay two dollars.
. I already told you, it's not about the money
In fact, to prove it 's not about the money,
I will donate two dollars to the charity of your choice.
Only rich people have time for this kind of crap.
Just pay the two bucks, Mr. BMW.
My income and the style of car which I drive are irrelevant.
Isn't that so, Niles?
Yes. I drive a Mercedes
and I would have paid ten minutes ago.
I told my boss I have a non-pay.
Oh. You see, Niles, this happens so often
they actually have a name for us.
More than one, I bet.
Just sign the form where it says "Unable to Pay"
and you can send us a check.
(laughs) I'm certainly not going to send you a check.
Look, most people don't.
Just sign the form so I can get this gate open.
. Oh, Frasier, it's an out
You should take it.
Niles, I refuse to sign anything
that says I am unable to pay-- it's untrue.
ATTENDANT: Look, I really don't care, Jack.
I just got to get this lane reopened
Now, it's either two dollars or the form
so I can put it in my drawer.
You know my terms: you will receive your money
when the 20 minutes is up.
Fine.
Then I'll put in my own money.
No, no, you can't do that.
. It's too late. It's on me
Go ahead, Mr. Beemer.
Don't you call me that.
! You put that down right now. We're not going anywhere
(horns honking) (Niles screams)
I can't do this anymore, Frasier!
Will you excuse me?
What are you talking about?
Do you really want justice?
Or is this just an outlet for your bad mood?
Oh, fine, just go.
And bravo for staying a whole ten minutes.
Good-bye!
I don't blame you
for bailing on that idiot.
He's not an idiot. He's just passionate.
I think he's an idiot.
Suit yourself, idiot.
That idiot happens to be my brother.
(horns honking)
Don't these people realize I'm on their side?
I don't think they care so long as you're in their lane.
I am doing this for all of you!
Don't you understand?
us. No, no, come out here and explain it to
Don't even think about it, Frasier.
That man wants to hit you.
I'm not afraid.
People, please.
I am not the enemy.
I am your champion.
Well, we got places to be, so move your ass.
WOMAN: Yeah, move it.
But I'm doing this for all of us.
If you want to do something for me, get out of the way.
Yeah, save the protest for your own driveway.
If you could only see things from my point of view,
then I'm sure you'd agree with me.
You see, I pulled into this garage
decided not to park, and now I want to leave
but they still insist on collecting two dollars.
Is that fair?
Has a service been provided?
Even if it's a rip-off
it's better than causing a big stink.
Ah, but is it?
I say no.
I say we've been trod upon long enough
by people who are supposedly providing us services.
By the postmen who mix up our deliveries--
by the telephone repairmen who swear to be there
between 9:00 and noon
and yet arrive at 12:47 when you're wearing
nothing but a towel and a head full of shampoo.
Well, enough!
I invoke my right to peaceful protest.
Civil disobedience is a cornerstone of this country,
for it is how the common man is heard.
Can you tow it?
Not with him in it
Well, that's just tough luck, because we ain't budgin'
You'll have to call the police.
Good idea About time.
Go ahead!
I think I've made a mistake.
Maybe it's time to back down
I'm not sure that I can.
I am right, after all.
My principles are holding me captive.
Your principles may have started this,
My right
The rigid ones are those who operate this garage
and enforce such inflexible policies.
You've been given more than one opportunity
to leave without paying.
Yes, but that's not the point.
They have to know why I won't pay.
Which you could explain in a letter.
But, no, you won't be satisfied
until everyone either agrees with you
or has suffered for failing to.
Do you really think so?
I do.
Well...
that's quite an indictment
I've never really thought of myself as uncompromising.
Well, not in a bad way.
I'm not sure I like this side of myself.
If you can leave here
without getting your full 20 minutes worth,
you'll be the bigger person for it.
Yes, but then these taunting motorists won't know
that I'm being the bigger person.
They'll think they've gotten the better of me
or that I'm afraid to be arrested.
The bigger person doesn't worry about what other people think.
Damn!
I do want to be the bigger person.
It's just so hard.
You know, we wouldn't be in this mess
if it weren't for you and that ridiculous birdcage.
Oh, come on.
I can only change one character flaw at a time.
DAPHNE: You were right about distracting him.
He seems fine now. But as soon as you head
for that door again, he's going to have a fit
Let me get you some dog treats to give him.
I don't understand.
I may sleep across town
but I still see him all the time.
Well, you've got to look at it
from Eddie's point of view.
This person who's meant so much to him
isn't going to be living here anymore.
For nine years, he's felt the comfort
of knowing you were here every night
and making him his breakfast every morning.
He's come to depend on that.
Now everything's changed.
Oh, would you look at that.
He's probably going to get under my bed to pout.
I think he'll adjust.
Well, who knows?
Old dogs get used to a certain routine.
And as tough as they might look,
they get lonely.
But I guess he'll adjust eventually.
You know, maybe I haven't be en coming around enough lately.
Why don't you and I make a regular appointment
to walk him together?
Oh, geez, that'd be great.
I have to check with him
but he's free most of the time.
Why don't we start tomorrow morning?
That way I can have breakfast with the old boy, too.
He'd really like that.
(door closes)
and a fruit cup.
That takes care of the St. Victoria's
elementary lunch schedule for the next month.
We'll be back to tackle St. Victor's after this.
Holy buckets, what are you doing?
Take some calls.
I'm not a shrink.
I can't tell people what to do.
Yeah, that always stops you women.
Just rap about something.
Open up a discussion, you know.
over. The station's I.D.'s
Go. Okay.
Hello again, everybody.
Well, we're still waiting on Dr. Crane,
so until he gets here,
let's hear what's on your minds.
And you know the number.
Give me a call.
Hello, caller. You're on the air.
MAN: Hi, Roz, this is Mark from Bainbridge,
and I made a big mistake.
(imitating Frasier): Go on.
I slept with my boss.
Now things at work are super uncomfortable.
Well, Mark, I feel for you.
I've been there myself.
What you ought to do is just talk it out with your boss.
You went through this, too?
Yeah. And it was weird for a while
but now, things are just fine.
Who else out there needs my advice?
Let me hear your calls.
You're on the air.
How can I solve your problem?
WOMAN: Actually, I was calling about something else,
but when you say "now things are fine"
it sounds like you still work with this person.
What?
(chuckling): No. No.
I worked with this person a long, long time ago.
Then why'd you say "now"?
Because... I don't speak so good?
And... isn't Dr. Crane your boss?
Well, no. I like to think of Frasier as a colleague.
So now he's "Frasier."
No, uh... yeah...
. I mean, it's just that I..
I think you did Frasier.
of your character.
You can decide right now
that you're going to be the flexible one here.
Pay the money and go.
I could break my pattern.
Yes.
I could just pay the money
without proving to everyone that I'm right.
Without teaching them a lesson.
Exactly. You can do it.
Sir...
I'll have you know
I am leaving with time to spare.
Congratulations.
Since you cannot understand the moral code
for which I stayed here,
I'm sure you must be perplex ed that I am leaving
before the 20 minutes is up.
Suffice to say, I am the bigger man for it.
And you and your nefarious policy may now carry on
in what is highway robbery in the truest sense
of the expression.
Here is your ticket...
and...
your ill-gotten two dollars.
Four dollars.
Four dollars?!
You went over 20 minutes.
It's two dollars for each portion of 20 minutes.
But I already backed down.
Well, if you would've spared me the speech
you would've made it out in time.
Tough break, huh?
Indeed.
Hold on, Niles.
(tires screeching)
I can't believe it.
I mean, I always felt some chemistry
between you and the doc but... wowza!
This can't hurt ratings.
Calm down, Kenny. It isn't true.
(laughing): Yeah, right.
Hey, you didn't do it here at the station, did you?
Of course not.
Hey, as long as it wasn't on my couch, who gives?
Hey, the commercial's over.
And we're back...
with our new topic:
Cats or dogs: which is better?
Hello, caller, you're on the air.
MAN: This is Jerry from Elliot Bay.
Which do you have, Jerry,
cat or a dog?
Frasier, I'm so sorry.
I really screwed up.
That's all right, Roz.
I'll take care of everything.
I just want to know what's going on with Dr. Crane.
Yes, well, I'll bet you do, Jerry.
Dr. Frasier Crane here, Seattle.
I'm sorry I'm late.
It sounds like Roz has informed you of my exploits.
She hasn't said much.
We'd like to hear it from you.
Well, it wasn't my finest hour
Let's just say that I got in there
realized I made a mistake
and then tried like hell to get out.
Frasier!
and then a line started to form behind me.
Fortunately, my brother was with me for moral support
and, well, let's face it, somebody to talk to.
You know, you'd be amazed
how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock
At least, in the end
I got out of there without paying the four dollars.
♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ ♪
♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, my ♪♪
♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪
♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪
(laughs)
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do ♪♪
♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ They'’’re calling again . ♪♪
Good night, everybody!