1
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,075
Oh, hey, Roz,
can I join you?

2
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:10,076
Sure.

3
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:12,078
Ah, may I have a
latte to go, please?

4
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:15,348
And I hope they aren't paying
you extra to wear that

5
00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:18,018
No, but I was hoping
it would help with my tips.

6
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:19,419
Ah, well, as you know

7
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:20,954
my tipping policy stands firmly

8
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,923
on the twin pillars
of courtesy and efficiency,

9
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,960
but today, I shall include whimsy
.

10
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:27,927
Merry Christmas.

11
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:28,895
(chuckling)

12
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:30,430
God bless you, sir.

13
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:31,431
Well..

14
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,535
I'm really surprised,
Frasier.

15
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,103
I didn't think you'd go
for something kitschy like that.

16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:38,371
At Christmastime,

17
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,106
I say let a thousand antlers
bloom.

18
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,074
Oh, well...

19
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,810
What a relief.

20
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:45,945
(laughing):
Oh, Roz.

21
00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:48,248
I'm working Santa's Toy Drive
at the mall.

22
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:49,649
I'm an elf.

23
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:52,085
Roz, if you needed extra cash,
you should've come to me
.

24
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:54,421
I've got plenty of odd jobs around the house.

25
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:55,755
It's not about money.

26
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,557
I'm volunteering.

27
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,859
Oh, oh, well, good for you.
Yes.

28
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:00,827
Yeah. I mean

29
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:02,796
visiting Santa Claus
at the department store

30
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,297
was one of my favorite memories
as a kid.

31
00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:07,767
I always found him terrifying
and inquisitorial.

32
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:11,971
When I was seven,

33
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:17,877
my mom and dad took me
to the mall to see Santa,

34
00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:19,646
so they were barely talking.

35
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:23,116
Anyway, when I sat down
on Santa's lap,

36
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:24,684
I started to cry.

37
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:27,120
And he was just so nice.

38
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,190
He made me feel safe
and protected.

39
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,692
I don't know, it just made me feel special.

40
00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:35,161
So if I could do that
for just one little kid,

41
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:37,197
you know, I'd like to do that.

42
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:39,699
I'm sorry I laughed at you, Roz.

43
00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,167
You should be very proud
of yourself.

44
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:42,635
Thank you.

45
00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,137
And I better go
before I'm late.

46
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:45,138
Oh, right,
you know what?

47
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:46,139
I'm going, too.

48
00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:47,640
I'll walk with you.

49
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:48,641
Okay.

50
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:51,044
(loud jingling)

51
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,280
Actually, Roz,

52
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,049
why don't you just go ahead?

53
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,051
I'm going to get myself a scone.

54
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:04,924
Oh, hi, guys!
Good to see you.

55
00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:06,426
Hello... hello.
Come in.

56
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:08,928
Hey, we were hoping to borrow
your wassail bowl.

57
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:09,963
Oh, I'm sorry, Niles.

58
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,465
I've already loaned it
to Lawrence Emerson

59
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:13,967
and his madrigal
caroling group.

60
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,936
Well, you can kiss that bowl
good-bye.

61
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:19,439
Frasier, the Yuletones
are the bad boys

62
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:21,207
of Renaissance Christmas music.

63
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:23,977
Have you ever seen
a church common room

64
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,978
after one of
their performances?

65
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:25,979
Oh.
It's just...

66
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:27,714
Why don't you just use
the punch bowl?

67
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,482
Well, because then it wouldn't
be wassail, it would be punch.

68
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,483
What's the difference?

69
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,818
DAPHNE:
My dad used to say

70
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:32,619
that punch makes you want

71
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:34,120
to kiss the donkey
in the manger scene

72
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,623
and wassail makes you want
to check it into the inn.

73
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:37,557
(laughing)

74
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:39,692
That's very funny.

75
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,162
Listen, Daphne,
I was just wondering,

76
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,698
is your mom partial
to a traditional
Cornwall dressing?

77
00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:47,700
You see, I'm thinking
it would go splendidly

78
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:51,204
with the 12-pound
Hungarian goose
that I'm serving.

79
00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,706
Mum is spending Christmas
on a cruise.

80
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:56,176
An early Christmas present
from Niles.

81
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:57,710
Yes, I didn't think
she'd go for it,

82
00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,646
but apparently,
in international waters,

83
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,181
they can play
single-deck blackjack.

84
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,182
FRASIER:
Oh.

85
00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,450
NILES:
Um, actually, Frasier,

86
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,719
Daphne and I would like
to have you over

87
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,721
to our place
for Christmas this year.

88
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:10,056
Yeah, we just put up our tree

89
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,691
and everything looks
so lovely.

90
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,327
And it is our first Christmas
as a married couple.

91
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:16,529
Well, as lovely as that
sounds...

92
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,332
Oh, come on,
why not?

93
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,134
Well, Niles, because
it's a little late

94
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,635
to be changing things, isn't it?

95
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,137
Besides, we've always had Christmas here.

96
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,071
It's a tradition!

97
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:28,541
"Wassail... A Christmas punch."

98
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:33,413
Frasier, you've had Christmas
for the past nine years.

99
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,848
Yes, but we agreed
when you hosted Thanksgiving

100
00:03:35,848 --> 00:03:38,184
that we would have Christmas
here in its traditional setting.

101
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:39,852
Maybe it's time
to start a new tradition.

102
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,689
But I've had new stockings loomed for everyone.

103
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:43,690
Now, there, you see!

104
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,191
You made me spoil the surprise.

105
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,193
And did no one hear me say

106
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,229
I have ordered
an Hungarian goose?!

107
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:52,398
Which you are more
than welcome

108
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,200
to bring over to our place.

109
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:55,535
It's not my date.

110
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,537
It's dinner!

111
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,506
Honestly, Niles,

112
00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,041
I'm really quite affronted by this.

113
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,543
If it means this much to him,

114
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:05,545
why don't we just let him keep it?

115
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,548
No... no. There is no reason
why just this once

116
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,550
we can't host Christmas
at the Montana.

117
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:11,517
Frasier's just being a churl

118
00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:12,452
You're the churl!

119
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,821
You're both a couple of churls!

120
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:16,689
How about a compromise?

121
00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,191
Say, morning at one house,

122
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,192
afternoon
at the other.

123
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,160
Well, that's
a wonderful idea.

124
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,029
But who gets morning
and who gets afternoon?

125
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:24,330
Morning.
Morning.

126
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,267
I think Niles
said it first.

127
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,135
(gasps)

128
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,104
Dad, who do you think said it first?

129
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,072
I'm sick of everything being a
contest between you two.

130
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,842
All right then, Dad, you decide
where we're having Christmas

131
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:36,609
I'm fine with that.

132
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,611
All right, I will.

133
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,480
I need a few days to think about it.

134
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:42,181
In the meantime,

135
00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:44,050
decision-making is thirsty work.

136
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:45,418
Sure could use a beer.

137
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:46,753
Oh, I'll get it.

138
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,754
No!

139
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,155
No, I'll get it.

140
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:55,061
A little trick
their mom taught me.

141
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:58,064
Don't worry, Margie,
you don't need a chimney

142
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,967
Santa always finds a way in.

143
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,902
You have a
Merry Christmas now.

144
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:03,903
Thank you, Santa.

145
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:05,204
Ho, ho, ho

146
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:06,372
FRASIER:
Roz...

147
00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:07,273
Hello.

148
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:08,775
Oh, hi, Frasier.

149
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,276
Listen, when I'm
at the North Pole,

150
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,578
my name is Snowflake.

151
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,481
Anyway, here,
I was in the mall.

152
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,950
I thought I'd drop off
a donation for the toy drive.

153
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:18,951
Thank you very much.

154
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:20,486
Is this for us, too?

155
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,454
No, no.

156
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,324
Actually, this is another
dancing Santa for Dad.

157
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,125
His other one got damaged.

158
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,027
I thought you threw that thing
off the balcony.

159
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:29,529
Yes, which damaged it.

160
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:32,732
SANTA:
Ho, ho, ho

161
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:36,102
Well, Polly, what would you like Santa to bring you?

162
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,970
He wouldn't have to bring me anything.

163
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:38,871
Just show up.

164
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:39,772
Back off, Twinkle.

165
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,774
I saw him first.

166
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,276
What's this?

167
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,278
Do I sense a little
office romance

168
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,279
here at Santa's Workshop?

169
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:47,547
(chuckling)

170
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:48,848
Well, I wouldn't mind.

171
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,350
His name is Rick.

172
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,684
And he's so sweet.

173
00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,419
Let me guess--
he's also a hunk.

174
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:54,821
Well, I wouldn't know.

175
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,389
I haven't seen him
without his Santa get-up yet,

176
00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:00,326
but based on those eyes,
there's definite potential

177
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,894
Ho, ho, ho

178
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,896
Santa needs his favorite helper elf.

179
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,899
Ooh, see that, I'm his favorite.

180
00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:07,800
Down, Snowflake.

181
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,102
I've got this one.

182
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,970
Okay, Twinkle, you go ahead.

183
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:12,905
Oh, no, is that a zit?

184
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:19,812
Oh... Snowflake.

185
00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:20,780
oh.
Over here.

186
00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:22,181
Hi.

187
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:24,183
I just got back
from the costume shop.

188
00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:25,184
I had to get
my toes re-curled.

189
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:26,185
Ah, yes.

190
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:27,553
Which reminds me..

191
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,323
how are things with Mr. Claus?

192
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,692
Oh, well, I haven't had a chance to ask him out yet.

193
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:33,693
What's the matter?

194
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:36,662
Low elf-esteem?

195
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,233
How long have you been waiting
to say that?

196
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,068
Two days.

197
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,469
I almost called you.

198
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,205
What's this?

199
00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:47,707
Niles with Dad

200
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:49,175
I knew it.

201
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:52,178
Oh, you guys aren't still
fighting about Christmas.

202
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,180
He's fighting, I'm not fighting.

203
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:55,681
Well, what is the big deal?

204
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:57,950
Why don't you let him
have Christmas?

205
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,519
Because it's just so unfair.

206
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,087
What's not fair?

207
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:03,256
Oh, you wouldn't understand.

208
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,058
Well, come on, Frasier,
talk to me.

209
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:08,561
Use your words.

210
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:12,799
It's just so egregious.

211
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,368
Smaller words.

212
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:18,704
I don't know.

213
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:20,206
Okay, look, it just seems

214
00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:23,209
that Niles is systematically
emptying my home.

215
00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:26,712
We used to have Thanksgiving
dinner there... gone.

216
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:29,215
Daphne... gone.

217
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:31,617
If I let him have Christmas,
I'll have nothing left.

218
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:36,622
Just end up some
doddering old bachelor

219
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:41,627
sipping tea and keeping the
apartment at a balmy 78 degrees!

220
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:44,597
And how is that different
from now?

221
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:48,668
Excuse me.

222
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,471
I smell skullduggery afoot

223
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:54,941
Hey, Dad.

224
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:55,942
Hey, Fras.

225
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,477
New thermos?

226
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,346
.
Niles, I never thought you'd stoop so low

227
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,181
I have no idea
what you're talking about.

228
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:05,051
Just buying Dad some coffee
before driving him to work.

229
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,419
You are trying to bribe Dad

230
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,787
to have Christmas at your place.

231
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,655
Oh, and what about you
buying him the dancing Santa?

232
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,157
A surprising gift

233
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,125
considering you threw his last
one off the balcony.

234
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,962
(gasps):
You did what?

235
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,865
That Santa never did anything to hurt you.

236
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:22,201
All he ever did was dance
and try to make people happy.

237
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,970
Yes, yes... all right, Dad.

238
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:24,937
Why'd you do it?

239
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,173
All right!

240
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:29,775
Why do you have to make
everything so difficult?

241
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:32,011
Excuse me, Niles,
but I've got news for you.

242
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:36,015
Copernicus called, and you are
not the center of the universe!

243
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:38,818
All right, you two,
knock it off.

244
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,653
Let's just settle this now.
Sit down.

245
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:43,155
Dad, make your decision.

246
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,558
You know, I'm really
disappointed in you guys.

247
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:46,959
I thought if I gave you
a little time,

248
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,428
you'd be mature enough
to work this out on your own.

249
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,198
Well, you were wrong!

250
00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:54,000
All right, you know what?
I just made my decision.

251
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,835
I'm working Christmas.
Jimmy Daley asked me

252
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,069
to take his shift,

253
00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:58,971
and I'm going to do it
because he'll be happier

254
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:00,439
with his family
than I am with mine.

255
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:01,841
Oh, Dad, you
can't be serious.

256
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:03,376
No, no, wait...
just calm down

257
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,377
and discuss this rationally.

258
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:05,878
No. It's too late.

259
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,380
And you don't need
to drive me to work,

260
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,681
I'll call a cab.

261
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,483
I hope you two are happy.

262
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,852
You've ruined Christmas!

263
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:14,620
MAN:
What a jerk!

264
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,956
(booing and hissing)

265
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:18,891
Not nice.

266
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,199
Dad...

267
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,669
Uh, Niles and I
would like to apologize.

268
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:33,472
It was untoward of us to argue
over where to have Christmas.

269
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:38,244
Yeah. Our conduct
was self-absorbed and boorish.

270
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,647
Not that we deserve it, but
please accept our apologies.

271
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,950
Apologies accepted.

272
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,418
Oh, thank you, Dad

273
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,852
So you'll have
Christmas with us?

274
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,321
Oh, I'm afraid I can't.

275
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,623
I promised Jimmy I'd work,
and I can't go back on it.

276
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:51,958
When do you start?

277
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,259
6:00 a.m.,
12-hour shift.

278
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:54,961
It's double time,
so I'm not complaining.

279
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:56,729
No, that's the whole day.

280
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,497
JERRY:
Marty, I need you
to let maintenance

281
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,000
into the electrical closet
on seven.

282
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,401
Will do.

283
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:04,070
See you boys later

284
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,304
Bye, Dad.

285
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:10,643
Wow...

286
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:12,645
(sighs)

287
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,647
Christmas without Dad.

288
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:17,149
It just won't be

289
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,651
Christmas.

290
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:22,154
I know. He's always
the first one under the tree.

291
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,657
Mom always said
that he was her biggest kid

292
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:27,159
because he could never wait
to open his presents.

293
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,661
(chuckles)

294
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,663
Oh, he always puts on a brave face,

295
00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:33,666
but I know he especially
misses Mom at Christmas.

296
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:36,969
Niles...

297
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:37,903
where is it written

298
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:41,607
that we have to have Christmas
at either of our homes?

299
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,376
The Thanksgiving Accord of 2002.

300
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,211
is,
No, no. What I'm saying

301
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,948
since Dad has to work, why can't
we bring the holiday to him?

302
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:51,717
You mean... just show up
and surprise him?

303
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,953
I like that.

304
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,688
We can bring all our gifts,
and food!

305
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:58,958
Oh, better yet, what if
the gifts were already here.

306
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,760
But...

307
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,094
Okay, here's what I'm thinking.

308
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:03,996
All right...

309
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,798
Take the gifts that are here,

310
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,567
put them under the tree
at my house.

311
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,069
Get the real gifts

312
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:13,472
and bring them here,
all unbeknownst to Dad.

313
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,408
Brilliant.

314
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:16,876
Can't you just see us

315
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,911
casually stopping by
on Christmas morning?

316
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,913
"Hello, Dad, Merry Christmas.

317
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:23,883
"Oh, it's such a shame
that you have to spend Chri...

318
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:25,251
"Hello?"

319
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,354
What's this I spy?

320
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:31,490
A present for Martin?

321
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:34,593
(imitating Martin):
"That's not for me,
those are fake."

322
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:36,729
one.
"Well, here's another

323
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,065
"And one for Niles.

324
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:42,034
And one for Daphne."

325
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:46,072
"Oh, geez, it's a miracle."

326
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:47,907
Oh, Niles, it'll be the best Christmas we ever had.

327
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,241
Look, I'm getting goose bumps.

328
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,277
Oh, no, Niles, that's your pine rash.

329
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,745
You're too close to the tree.

330
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,785
Hey... Hi, Roz.

331
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,688
It's me, Rick.

332
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:06,358
Oh, my God, Rick,
I didn't even recognize you.

333
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,128
Roz and I volunteer
down at the mall together.

334
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:09,962
Rick plays Santa.

335
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:11,764
Daphne, this is Rick.
Rick, Daphne.

336
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,799
Oh, Roz has told me
all about you.

337
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:15,067
Would you like to join us?

338
00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,836
I'd love to, but I have
to get back to my day job.

339
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,337
Oh, what do you do?

340
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:19,839
I'm an investment banker

341
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,674
Could you excuse me
for one second?

342
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:25,377
Wow, Roz, you never told me
he was so gorgeous.

343
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:27,646
Oh, I've never seen him
out of his costume before.

344
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:31,016
He's successful
and he's got great taste.

345
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,786
Those shoes... Enrico Zaglionis.

346
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,289
Niles is teaching me.

347
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:40,793
Very nice to meet you, Daphne.

348
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,294
I'll see you tonight, Roz?

349
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:43,796
Maybe we can
take our break together.

350
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,265
I snuck a bottle of schnapps
into my locker.

351
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,667
Yeah... maybe.

352
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:49,602
Something wrong?

353
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,036
You don't like schnapps?

354
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,973
No! No, it's just so strange to see you

355
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,374
without your beard

356
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,776
You really should grow one

357
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,144
It'll make your eyes twinkle.

358
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:00,045
Ah, I tried once.

359
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,047
It kind of came in in tufts.

360
00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:03,983
I looked like a dog on Rogaine.

361
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,951
(all chuckle)

362
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,887
(Rick laughs)

363
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,589
What was that?

364
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,224
I laughed.

365
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:13,392
That's your laugh?

366
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:14,593
Yeah.

367
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,929
Wow, at the mall, it's so booming.

368
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,364
I know, I hate that.

369
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,366
It really kills my throat.

370
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,367
Very nice to meet you.

371
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,368
Bye-bye.

372
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,769
I'll see you later.
Bye.

373
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,671
Why are you being so weird?

374
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:27,006
He seems perfect.

375
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,340
I don't know.

376
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,376
Just wasn't what I was expecting.

377
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,710
Something's missing.

378
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:32,578
Like what?

379
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,046
I don't know.

380
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:35,481
You know what?

381
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,483
At the mall,
he has all this warmth,

382
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,985
and he's got this jolly
sense of humor.

383
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,488
Oh, you should see him
when he laughs.

384
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,856
His whole stomach shakes.

385
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:48,594
Oh, my God, you're in love with Santa Claus.

386
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,296
No, I' not.

387
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,698
Well, it makes sense
when you think about it.

388
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,700
Santa's the perfect man.

389
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,702
He's a good listener,
he likes to travel,

390
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:59,205
gives great presents.

391
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:00,673
Give me a break.

392
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,473
Admit it.

393
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,577
You want the jelly belly.

394
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,779
Okay, don't be gross.

395
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:09,682
You want to bang boots
with the big boy.

396
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,383
(laughs)

397
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:12,551
I got to get to work.

398
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,354
You want to get your paws
on the Claus, is more like it.

399
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,189
Stop it, Daphne.

400
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,691
That's enough!

401
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:19,692
One more.

402
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,694
You're a ho, ho, ho.

403
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,537
Ah...

404
00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:33,973
Dad! What are you doing
still sitting there?

405
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,975
I told you ten minutes ago
that we were going out

406
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:37,409
for some Christmas Eve
ice cream.

407
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:38,911
Oh, I changed my mind.

408
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:41,881
Eddie and I are too bloated
from the nog.

409
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:45,251
Well, then, maybe we should
take Eddie and walk it off.

410
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:47,086
Come on, mister, let's go.

411
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,421
No, got to be up early
tomorrow morning for work.

412
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,423
Could sure use something
to nibble on though.

413
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,393
No, no, no, no, no!

414
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,594
Stop pushing.
Stop pushing.

415
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:56,929
Dad's still here.

416
00:14:57,429 --> 00:14:58,430
I couldn't
get rid of him

417
00:14:58,430 --> 00:14:59,932
You'll have to come back in an hour.

418
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,568
The maintenance man
in Dad's building

419
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,070
was so nervous about us
taking these out of the lobby,

420
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,572
I promised him
we'd have our real gifts

421
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,539
back under his tree by 10:00.

422
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:10,442
All right, what we need
is a really good distraction.

423
00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:11,844
I'll tell you what.

424
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,279
Knock when you've thought of one

425
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,715
What were you doing out there?

426
00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:19,151
Nothing.

427
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:20,653
Thought I heard the door knock.

428
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,589
(knocking on door)

429
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,890
Hey, that's pretty good.

430
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,795
Oh. Hello, guys.

431
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,665
Dad, look who it is.
It's Niles and Daphne.

432
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,800
I see them.

433
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,101
So what brings you two here?

434
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,103
Good question, Frasier.
Daphne?

435
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,105
I need your father's help
with a present.

436
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,106
And that's what
we're doing here.

437
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,108
Exactly. Yes.

438
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,911
Come on, Martin,
we can do this in my old room.

439
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,146
No problem.

440
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:50,816
Okay, now.

441
00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,818
Real presents go out in the hall
by the door.

442
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:54,304
Fake presents under the tree.

443
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:55,854
Niles, did you notice
my Christmas village?

444
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,290
Would you like to see smoke waft
out of the cobbler's chimney?

445
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,159
Maybe later.

446
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,694
Frasier, I have to warn you.

447
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,163
These prop boxes are heavy.

448
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,165
Some idiot weighed them down
with bricks.

449
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:09,168
Just our luck we get the only
method lobby decorator

450
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,169
in all of Seattle.

451
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,843
How much time do you think
Daphne can buy us with Dad?

452
00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:18,777
Not much.

453
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,212
They're just putting batteries

454
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,715
in the digital camera
we're giving you.

455
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:25,951
Act surprised.
Right.

456
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,320
DAPHNE (loudly):
I said I'd get them.

457
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,722
You'll never find them.

458
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,523
How could you ask me
to put batteries in

459
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:32,825
and not bring any batteries?

460
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:35,761
(gasps):
Now, boys, you know the rules.

461
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:37,563
No shaking the presents.

462
00:16:37,796 --> 00:16:40,299
You see, Niles, I told you.

463
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,201
Found them. Let's go.

464
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,535
(softly):
Daphne!

465
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,204
No more surprises.

466
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:46,505
Oh, you mean like
finding your father here

467
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,273
when the apartment's
supposed to be empty?

468
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,509
Well, you can blame that
on the nog.

469
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:56,281
.
Frasier, I don't think
I'm going to sleep tonight

470
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,217
I feel like I'm ten years old.

471
00:16:58,217 --> 00:16:59,785
Only this time we had the merry task

472
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,553
of being Santa.

473
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,895
Niles, I'm so sorry

474
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,397
that we almost
ruined Christmas..

475
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:12,398
Stop. Stop.
What?

476
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,899
I just took that
from under the tree.

477
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:14,933
No, you didn't
Yes, I did.

478
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:16,435
I know, 'cause that's real.

479
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:18,404
And all the fake ones are out
in the pile by the door.

480
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:19,772
By the elevator door?

481
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,073
No, by the apartment door.

482
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:22,474
That's where
all the fake ones are.

483
00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:23,942
Great.

484
00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:25,244
Now what do we do?

485
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,045
Oh, here, all right.

486
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,046
You take these.
Yes.

487
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,547
Give me these.

488
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,017
What are we...?

489
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:34,953
Where do we go?

490
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,855
How the hell should I know?

491
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:40,192
MARTIN:
That's a flat head and I need a Phillips head

492
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:42,027
NILES:
See, I told you
if you rearrange them

493
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,429
they'd look fuller.

494
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:44,963
Yes, yes, I see
what you mean, Niles.

495
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,399
It's all a matter
of perspective.

496
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,802
Wow, looks like twice as many.

497
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,604
Put them back the way they were
and show me how you did that.

498
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:56,408
Got the Phillips.
Let's go.

499
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,610
He could be an assassin in those slippers.

500
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,412
Are you two going
to switch the presents

501
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,414
or are you going
to stand around arguing

502
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,283
about whose Christmas village
is bigger?

503
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,151
(gasps):
I knew it.

504
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,587
You didn't compliment mine
because you have one, too.

505
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:09,988
I didn't compliment yours

506
00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:12,825
because yours
is so poorly laid out.

507
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,127
All right, we don't have time for this.

508
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:16,128
Now which ones are which?

509
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,096
I've got it all organized.

510
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,597
Here, take them out.
Are you sure?

511
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,099
Yes, absolutely.
These are the real ones.

512
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,600
These go to Dad,
out in the hall.

513
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,602
And we'll
take them together.
Fine, all right.

514
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,603
Good. You go. Fine

515
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,105
And then, here...
Now we're all set.

516
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,107
All the fake ones
are under the tree.

517
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,608
Yes, you put those in the elevator.

518
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,944
.
I'll tell Daphne
the coast is clear

519
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,279
Do you have any idea
how much I paid for that?

520
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,281
Well, it's not my fault.

521
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,784
Those little plastic hinges
snap off if you look at them.

522
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,786
Now what am I supposed to give as a gift now?

523
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,287
Oh, stop crying.

524
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,289
Just put a little duct tape
on, it'll be good as new.

525
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,258
It was new

526
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:49,161
Here, Daphne, I'll help you find the tape.

527
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:50,662
(Eddie barks)

528
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:52,598
What's the matter, boy?

529
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,000
Too much eggnog, huh?

530
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:56,535
Okay.

531
00:18:56,535 --> 00:19:00,005
Hey, Daph... be sure and use
the silver duct tape

532
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,540
not the brown.

533
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,008
The silver will match
the camera.

534
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,511
Oop. I mean, uh, the present.

535
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,513
I'm taking Eddie for a walk.

536
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:08,981
Wait! Dad!

537
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:10,849
I'll do that.
You should just relax.

538
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,351
No, that's all right.

539
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:15,154
I need the fresh air.

540
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,190
Oh.
What's this? More presents?

541
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,626
Is this why you were trying
to keep me busy back there?

542
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:21,994
Yes.

543
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,295
(laughs)
Oh.

544
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:24,596
Well, you didn't need
to do that.

545
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:25,531
Bring them on in.

546
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,432
Frasier,
give your brother a hand.

547
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:35,340
Mix them all up
so it'll look fuller.

548
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,348
(doorbell rings)

549
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,350
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

550
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,352
Niles.
Hi.

551
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,821
So how are you?

552
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,323
Well, tired
and a little poorer.

553
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:53,225
I had to bribe
the maintenance man

554
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,227
at Dad's building to get him to stay late.

555
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:56,795
Oh, which reminds
me, on your next show,

556
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:58,797
you have to give something called a "shout-out"

557
00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:00,165
to a Steve Gomez.

558
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:01,567
Right.

559
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:02,901
DAPHNE:
This is so exciting.

560
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,803
I can't wait to see the look
on your father's face

561
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,572
when we go over there
and surprise him.

562
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,440
Merry Christmas!

563
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,912
Dad... what are you doing here?

564
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,681
Yeah, aren't you supposed
to be at work?

565
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,449
The boss called.
I don't have to go in.

566
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:18,417
Seems he was feeling guilty

567
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,252
about my missing Christmas
with my family.

568
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,621
Ooh.

569
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,590
Heavy.

570
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,091
This must be a good one.

571
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:29,027
Unless it's a book.

572
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,796
But who's covering
the desk?

573
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,097
Nobody.

574
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,099
She's shut down tight
till tomorrow.

575
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:36,602
Now I have just enough patience
to wait for cocoa

576
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:39,438
before I start
tearing into these.

577
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,677
Um... Dad...?

578
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:49,915
Don't tell me there's no cocoa.

579
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,254
(knocking on glass)

580
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,755
Hello?

581
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,758
Hello?!

582
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,261
You'd think there'd
be a custodian

583
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,262
or someone
in there.

584
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,230
Ah, I knew
it was a long shot.

585
00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:08,200
Won't be anybody in
till tomorrow morning.

586
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,202
Sorry, Dad.

587
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,204
Oh, forget it.

588
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:15,207
That was a really
sweet gesture.

589
00:21:15,707 --> 00:21:17,109
Would've been terrific, but...

590
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:21,046
I've already received my gift.

591
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:26,218
You know..

592
00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:29,721
we could throw a brick through the glass...

593
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:32,557
but they're all wrap
ped up under our tree.

594
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,699
♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪

595
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:43,468
♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪

596
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,970
♪♪ Mercy ♪♪

597
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,472
♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪

598
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:50,509
♪♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪

599
00:21:50,509 --> 00:21:51,977
(laughs)

600
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,512
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
 ♪♪

601
00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:58,517
♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪

602
00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:01,019
♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪

603
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,022
Happy holidays, everybody!