1
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:11,244
Well, Morrie, if you're
not cheating on your wife,

2
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:12,679
and she still suspects you,

3
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,148
then we're obviously dealing
with a trust issue.

4
00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:16,274
MORRIE:
More like a crazy issue.

5
00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,614
And I know where she gets it--
from her mother.

6
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,620
Who, by the way,
came for Thanksgiving

7
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,122
and still hasn't left.

8
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,612
Happy New Year.

9
00:00:24,057 --> 00:00:26,059
Perhaps we should tackle
these issues one at a time.

10
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,060
(knocking on door)

11
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,428
I'm in the bathroom, Celeste.

12
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:29,429
A little privacy?

13
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:30,418
You see how she gets?

14
00:00:31,131 --> 00:00:32,132
Well, perhaps
what is needed here is a...

15
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:33,366
CELESTE:
You think I don't know

16
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,068
who you're in there
talking to, Morrie?

17
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,369
It's your little whore,
isn't it?

18
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,805
Hello, whore.

19
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:41,775
Celeste, if I could interrupt
for just a moment...

20
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,276
A man?! It's worse
than I thought!

21
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,111
WOMAN 2:
Celeste!

22
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,113
CELESTE:
Hang up, Ma.

23
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:48,481
MA:
You're all on the radio.

24
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:50,176
I'm listening in the kitchen
.

25
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,253
MORRIE:
How about washing a dish or two
while you're down there?

26
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,654
GIRL:
I cannot stand this yelling.

27
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,189
I'm running away from home
!
.

28
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,457
MORRIE:
Hang up the phone, Britney.

29
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,425
You're going nowhere.

30
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:03,095
And neither
is this conversation.

31
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:04,786
Well, that's
our show for today,

32
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:06,800
with a brief program note.

33
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,803
My KACL colleagues and I
are competing

34
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,671
against a team at KPXY

35
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:15,175
to see who can shed
the most pounds for charity.

36
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:17,473
We're off to our
first weigh-in right now.

37
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,345
You can keep track
of our progress

38
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:21,347
on Channel 6's
Coffee With Kelly.

39
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:22,816
Wish us luck.

40
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,852
Okay, everybody.
Iet's power this crap down
.

41
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:26,853
Why?

42
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,343
The more you eat
before the contest,

43
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,846
the more you artificially
boost your starting weight.

44
00:01:31,357 --> 00:01:33,760
We got cheeseburgers,
doughnuts, french fries, tacos.

45
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,763
And a duck confit
that's as rich as Donald Trump

46
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,198
and twice as greasy.

47
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:41,701
Well, it hardly seems in the
spirit of the competition.

48
00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:44,192
The entire premise here
is to raise awareness

49
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:46,706
about the obesity epidemic in this country.

50
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,196
Come on, Frasier.

51
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:50,199
The winning team
gets a free trip to Vegas!

52
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:52,612
(all cheering)

53
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,848
Four glorious days
in Sin City,

54
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,850
with all its
gaudy brilliance--

55
00:01:56,850 --> 00:02:00,353
the feathered headdresses,
the fishnet stockings...

56
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:03,220
I'm just wearing an aloha shirt, myself.

57
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,491
Come on, Shempsky,
pick up the pace.

58
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,360
I have a digestive disorder

59
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,362
where if I eat too much
or too little,

60
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,364
I get incapacitating
stomach cramps.

61
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:13,730
ROZ:
It's okay, Noel.

62
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,269
You do what's
right for you.

63
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,272
But wouldn't
a trip to Vegas
be really fun?

64
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:23,276
And remember, what
happens in Vegas...

65
00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,267
stays in Vegas.

66
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,481
Eat up, Doc.

67
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,482
I will do
no such thing.

68
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,185
It's not fair, and it
is unsportsmanlike.

69
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:33,486
Aw, who's it going to hurt?

70
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,488
(screaming)

71
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,183
Shake it off, kid.

72
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,479
r.
Nobody likes a whine

73
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:47,199
(doorbell rings)

74
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,936
Hey, Niles, Daph.

75
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,437
No time for chitchat.

76
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,426
Pregnant lady
coming through.

77
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:55,930
What happened
to your wrist?

78
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:57,443
Oh, uh...

79
00:02:57,443 --> 00:03:01,447
she rolled over in her sleep
and pinned me again.

80
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:02,937
I even saw it
coming this time,

81
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,940
Iike the big rock in
that Indiana Jones movie.

82
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,453
Does she know she did it?

83
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:08,681
No, no.

84
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,523
I didn't want
to hurt her feelings,

85
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,226
so I just... I just,
uh... made up an excuse...

86
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:14,527
What is Eddie doing?

87
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,530
Oh, he's waiting for
a pigeon friend of his.

88
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,225
We call him Barney.

89
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:23,303
Flies on the balcony every day,
and they stare at each other.

90
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,537
Those crazy animals.

91
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,232
Yesterday, they did
it for three hours.

92
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:26,903
(scoffs)

93
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:28,374
No, I'm not making it up.

94
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,239
I watched them the whole time.

95
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,673
Oh, is your wrist
still bothering you, dear?

96
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,350
Oh, just
a little flare-up.

97
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,352
Oh, poor thing
slept on it funny.

98
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:40,649
Woke up screaming
like a dying rabbit.

99
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,292
Hey, Fras.

100
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,293
How was the weigh-in?

101
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,726
It was appalling, thank you.

102
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,727
My teammates ridiculed me
for not pigging out beforehand.

103
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,967
You know, what is it about teams

104
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,769
and competitions that just
brings out the worst in people?

105
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:57,937
Here we go again.

106
00:03:57,937 --> 00:03:59,772
What?

107
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:02,275
Well, Frasier and team sports
are not a happy mix.

108
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,777
...
Freshman year,
in a bid to please Dad

109
00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:06,642

There is no need
to tell that story

110
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,849
Frasier inadvertently
joined the girls'
field hockey team.

111
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:16,389
The sign-up sheet said,
"F. Hockey. "

112
00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:18,687
I assumed it meant
"freshman" hockey.

113
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:22,318
The little plaid skirt
didn't tip you off?

114
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,794
I thought it was a kilt!

115
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:29,702
Well, I'm starving.

116
00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:31,704
Where shall we
go for dinner?

117
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:33,072
(thump
)
What was that?

118
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:34,340
(gasps) Barney!

119
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,342
Daph, would you take
Eddie to my room?

120
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:37,639
I don't want him to see this.

121
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,345
Come on, boy.
Come on.

122
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,647
Oh, how did
this happen?

123
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,012
Oh, now, Dad, birds
do fly into windows.

124
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:46,010
I know. That's why I keep
a safety smudge right there.

125
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:47,475
Where did it go?

126
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,351
Niles...

127
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:54,656
I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

128
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,385
It... it's a reflex.

129
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,688
I... I... I don't
even know I'm doing it.

130
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:03,694
Are you happy?

131
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,372
You killed Eddie's
little friend.

132
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,669
Poor little guy.

133
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,941
What should we do,
just kick him over the edge?

134
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:14,505
Dad, wait.
He's still breathing.

135
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:15,848
Oh! Then pick him up.

136
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,451
But birds are notorious
carriers of disease.

137
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,418
Oh, here. Use my hankie.

138
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,454
I'll take my chances.

139
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,756
Oh, don't you quit
on us, Barney.

140
00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:26,350
You're going
to be good as new.

141
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:36,425
See? That's why we
need a safety smudge.

142
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,739
We'll be right back

143
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,442
to see how our
teams are doing
in the first week

144
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,711
of our Fat to Fit
Weight Loss Challenge,

145
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,406
so stay right here.

146
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,074
Hey, look.
It's them.

147
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:51,451
ROZ:
Oh, those robes!

148
00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,885
Makes them look like
they're in some kind of cult.

149
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:58,686
Like the high priests
of Asmodeus the Destroyer.

150
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:03,860
Asmodeus--
demon of lust,
eater of worlds.

151
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:08,060
Does nobody read my e-mails?

152
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:09,432
KELLY:
Welcome back.

153
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,572
So let's see how our teams
fared this week.

154
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:13,561
Come on in, guys!

155
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:16,809
Come on in!
Okay.

156
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:18,606
Kenny, who's that
last guy on their team?

157
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:19,779
Oh, Wayne Shafter.

158
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,644
He's the new
general manager.

159
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:25,518
So...
we meet again...

160
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,820
Wayne Shafter.

161
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,422
You know him?

162
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:30,990
We went to high
school together.

163
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,992
He was the captain
of the football team--

164
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,494
Mr. Popularity--
and my chief rival

165
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,996
for the affections of our
Swedish exchange student,

166
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,588
Giselle
Johannson-Jansen.

167
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:42,132
Yeah? So, how
did that work out?

168
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,538
Great. We got married
and had six kids.

169
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:46,835
What do you think?

170
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,177
Wayne Shafter?

171
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,178
Yeah?

172
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,577
Frasier Crane.

173
00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,815
Hey, F. Hockey!

174
00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,174
What have you
been up to?

175
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:01,948
Oh, you know,
not much.

176
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,423
Harvard, Oxford,
M.D., PhD.

177
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,757
And then,
just recently--

178
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,746
Hey, remember
that time

179
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,417
I took your chess set
and made you cry?

180
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,096
You did not
make me cry.

181
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,599
I chose to cry
as a tactic to
elicit sympathy

182
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,863
and thereby regain
my chess set.

183
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:19,071
I threw it in the Dumpster
behind the cafeteria, didn't I?

184
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,066
I don't know.
It was never found.

185
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:23,874
No, I did.

186
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,445
And last up for KACL,

187
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,747
my old friend,
Dr. Frasier Crane.

188
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:28,748
Hi, Kelly.

189
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,739
Hey, Fras.
Good to see you.

190
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,753
Ooh! Ouch!

191
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:36,586
One pound heavier, Fras.

192
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,091

Well, that can't be.

193
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:41,855
I've added a salad
to every meal.

194
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,632
So, at the end
of one week,

195
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,930
it's KPXY down 1 7 pounds,
KACL down nine.

196
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,932
That's all
the time we have.

197
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,639
Join me tomorrow,
when my guests

198
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,642
will be the
Senior Citizen Handbell Chorus.

199
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,945
Have a neat day!

200
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,914
Listen, muscle weighs
more than fat, you know,

201
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,144
and the way I've been
working out lately--

202
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,744
Save it, lard-ass.

203
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,545
Hey, you know, Crane?
When they say,

204
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:14,126
"Take one for the team, "
they don't mean another cruller.

205
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:16,094
Oh, shut up, Shafter.
You'rea cruller.

206
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,793
Oh, give it up. I'll drop you
a postcard from Vegas.

207
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:20,766
We are going to win
this competition, mister.

208
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:22,631
And when we do, you will
replace that chess set.

209
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:23,936
Okay, deal.
But if we win,

210
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,631
you're showing up
at our station

211
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:27,673
in your little
field hockey uniform.

212
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,641
You're on, you fat scoundrel.

213
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,544
All right.
Shake on it.

214
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:32,738
Psych!

215
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:34,647
I'm sorry. Sorry.

216
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:35,515
That wasn't cool. Here we go.

217
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,517
Psych!

218
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,652
Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute.
It's not a deal

219
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:41,687
unless we shake on it. Come on.

220
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,656
Come on.

221
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:46,526
I'm wouldn't do it
for a third time.

222
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,961
All right.

223
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,189
Psych!

224
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,188
God, I missed you.

225
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,072
Hello, Martin.

226
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:01,061
Hey, Dad.

227
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:06,946
How's Barney doing?

228
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:07,947
Oh, he's doing
a lot better today.

229
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,541
Great. I brought
him a treat.

230
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,084
Millet and sunflower kernels,

231
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,847
with added calcium
for beak conditioning.

232
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,144
What happened
to your neck?

233
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:16,883
Oh, fell out of bed.

234
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,692
He's been so
accident-prone lately.

235
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,662
Every morning,
it's something else.

236
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,256
Shamu jump the tank again?

237
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,734
Fortunately, I moisturized
right before bed,

238
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,965
so I squirted out
like a watermelon seed.

239
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,672
(exhaling deeply)

240
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:35,803
You all right, son?

241
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,305
Walked upstairs.

242
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:39,979
Why did you
walk upstairs?

243
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,311
Burning calories.

244
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,083
Oh, yes, I saw you on TV.

245
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,779
You know, that Kelly Kirkland
is quite an actress.

246
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,789
I once saw her in a production
of Love Letters

247
00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,090
with Bill Nye the Science Guy.

248
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,081
Tears.

249
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,790
I've decided to rededicate myself to this diet.

250
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,792
The opposing team is captained

251
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,659
by my old high school nemesis,
Wayne Shafter.

252
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,100
(gasps) Which one was he?

253
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:09,207
Thick neck, dead eyes,
snapped your PBS umbrella.

254
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:16,015
For the next two weeks,
I shall be a speed-walking,

255
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:19,610
calorie-burning,
pound-shedding machine.

256
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:20,674
Daphne,
didn't you purchase

257
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,680
some sort of
stomach-tightening
apparatus for Dad?

258
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,025
The Ab Blaster
or the Flab Buster?

259
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,016
Bring me both of them.
I'll put them together,

260
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,025
see if I can get
a real good workout going.

261
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:34,696
So... is that
bird nesting

262
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,303
in my cashmere scarf?

263
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,770
Yeah. We tried
a whole bunch of them.

264
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,272
That's the one he likes best.

265
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:41,102
All right,
that's it.

266
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,242
I want that sky rat
out of here.

267
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:44,810
Oh, no! Eddie
will be crushed.

268
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,675
The bird
is like his pet.

269
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:49,439
Eddieisa pet!
He doesn't get to have a pet

270
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,776
I guess Barney
is pretty well recovered.

271
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:58,257
Yeah, I guess.

272
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:00,748
Well, time to go, Barney.

273
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,418
Oh, Eddie,
don't worry.

274
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,853
He'll come back and visit you.

275
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,792
It's kind of hard
letting him go.

276
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,668
Now I know how you
must have felt

277
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,660
all those times
when you dropped me off
at musical theater camp.

278
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,972
Sad and frightened...

279
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,872
Lots of emotions, son.

280
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,750
Barney,
remember us fondly

281
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,253
as you spread
your wings

282
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,744
and soar free.

283
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,247
Oh, my God! Barney!

284
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:34,760
Where did he go?

285
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:35,988
Is he soaring free?

286
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:37,830
He bounced off the railing

287
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,331
and landed
on the Cunninghams' balcony.

288
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,333
Dad, look--
his wing just moved.

289
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:42,334
!
.
He's alive

290
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,335
I'll go get him.

291
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:44,336
Hurry! Hurry!

292
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:45,838
Don't you die!

293
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:48,329
I love you,
you tough old bird.

294
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,833
Not you, Mrs. Cunningham.

295
00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:59,251
Hey, what did I tell you
about smoking in the booth?

296
00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:00,786
Oh, bite me.

297
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:01,754
I need something
to kill my appetite

298
00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,813
besides your stupid ugly face.

299
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,026
Gotcha, Bulldog.

300
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,015
Oww!

301
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,730
What did I tell you
about that?

302
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,998
Thieves! Brigands!

303
00:12:12,998 --> 00:12:15,367
I had three-and-a-half ounces
of sashimi-grade ahi

304
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,336
in the fridge,
and one of you has stolen it.

305
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:18,337
Not me.

306
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:19,338
Well, it wasn't me.

307
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:20,840
And it wasn't Noel.

308
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,842
He thinks I'm going
to do him in Vegas,

309
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,844
so he's barely eaten
in two weeks.

310
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,334
That's why he keeps fainting.

311
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:30,338
All right, I took it
and I liked it.

312
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,852
What are you going
to do about it? Oww!

313
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:34,353
fish.
It wasn't even your

314
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:35,342
Oww!

315
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:41,360
How long was I out that time?

316
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,349
Ten minutes, big boy.

317
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:47,333
I've got a bump
the size of an egg.

318
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,334
"
.
Don't say "egg

319
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,336
Don't tell me what to say.

320
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,338
I'm still waiting
for my ahi.

321
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,340
Put a sock in it,
princess.

322
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,342
How dare you!
How dareyou!

323
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,343
(all screaming at once)

324
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,844
People!

325
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,835
People, stop it!

326
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:05,317
..
Listen, I understand
that we're all a bit cranky.

327
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:06,352
Cranky?

328
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:07,853
We're starving.

329
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:08,842
I'm not sure I can
hold on much longer.

330
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,357
We've only got
one day more to go.

331
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,859
We can't crack now
when we're this close
to victory!

332
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,350
All right, everyone--
take a deep breath.

333
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,853
(all inhale)

334
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:22,368
(hacking cough)

335
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,369
Yes, Roz.

336
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,870
Cough it all up.

337
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,862
Don't want any
extra phlegm weight.

338
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,876
CRO WD (in distance):
?? Happy birthday to you...??

339
00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:31,877
Whose birthday is it?

340
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,379
Gina in
accounting.

341
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,368
Who's Gina again?

342
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:35,948
New chick.

343
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:37,813
So-so face,
little big in the can.

344
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:38,975
Oh, yeah.

345
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,253
Perhaps I'll go
wish dear Gina well.

346
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:42,354
Hey, good idea.

347
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:43,844
FRASIER:
Now that's the team spirit!

348
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:45,357
We may be dieting

349
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:46,859
but we can
still nourish ourselves

350
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:49,361
on some good office fellowship.

351
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:50,851
Please give Gina
my regards as well.

352
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:52,364
Okay, Doc, see you.

353
00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:53,866
That's a rog!

354
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,368
Ah, it's a good team.

355
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:57,870
Good people.

356
00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,371
Good God!

357
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:01,407
Wait!

358
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:02,908
It's not worth it!

359
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,398
It's sheet cake!

360
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,223
Will you stop that
infernal bouncing?

361
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:18,155
BULLDOG :
No sir, no sir.

362
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,892
Gotta keep moving.

363
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,228
Constant movement
equals constant calorie burn.

364
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,196
You sure you guys don't want
some appetite suppressants?

365
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,898
What the hell
are those things, anyway?

366
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:30,635
They're fine. They're natura
They have ginseng.

367
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:32,471
Oh.

368
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,473
Oh, come on in, Dad.

369
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:35,462
What's going on?

370
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:36,964

We had a bit of
a discipline breakdown

371
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,377
We've all agreed to spend

372
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,366
the last 1 2 hours
before the final weigh-in

373
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:40,880
policing each other.

374
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,882
It's a good thing
you had dinner out.

375
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,383
I've purged the apartment of all of foodstuffs.

376
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,941
Who's that gentleman
on the floor?

377
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,955
He passes out
from time to time,

378
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,257
but not to worry.

379
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,958
I'm sure the next searing stomach cramp

380
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:53,959
will bring him around.

381
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:55,256
(groaning)

382
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,251
There you are.

383
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,265
You can set your watch
by him.

384
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,163
All right, everybody,

385
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,034
I believe my bathroom
has probably finished

386
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,535
its transformation
into a steam room by now.

387
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:04,399
If you'll all join me.

388
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,039
We can relax and sweat off

389
00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:09,041
a few extra ounces.

390
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,042
Okay, you
heard the doc.

391
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:11,031
Let's go, let'
s go, let's go!

392
00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:15,347
Hey, Barney.

393
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:18,050
How's my favorite patient?

394
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,347
Hey, making progress.

395
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,285
He doesn't even flinch
anymore at the sound
of your voice.

396
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:24,984
He's letting me
stroke his wing.

397
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:26,019
You know what?

398
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:27,691
I'm going to put this birdseed

399
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,129
in a bowl.

400
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:32,631
Oh... You know,

401
00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,133
there's a sad little fellow

402
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,635
who's been dying
to say hello to you all day.

403
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,637
That's better.

404
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:41,106
Eddie, come on, say hello.

405
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,475
Oh, my God. Eddie!

406
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:44,476
Eddie!

407
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:45,477
Hey, Dad.

408
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:46,466
Oh, no.

409
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:50,971
I've been thinking.

410
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,474
You know...
Shh.

411
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,455
Keep it quiet.

412
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:01,222
That wing rub you gave him
put him right to sleep.

413
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,495
Well, that's kinda sweet.

414
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,986
Well, uh, I-I'll just go home.

415
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:08,500
You know, Dad...

416
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,493
I think he may like me
even more than he likes Eddie.

417
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:13,969
No contest.

418
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,045
BULLDOG :
How much longer, Doc?

419
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:22,681
Another half an hov

420
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:25,517
I can't keep my cigarette lit.

421
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:27,007
NOEL (weakly):
Roz...

422
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:29,254
take my hand.

423
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:30,255
Fine, Noel.

424
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:32,758
I'll take
your stupid hand.

425
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:34,760
Where are you?

426
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,761
GIL:
Roz!

427
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:38,764
Oh, my God!
Put on a towel, you perv!

428
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:39,765
If I'd known
this sort of thing

429
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,266
went on
in steam rooms,

430
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:42,255
I would never
have let you lure me in.

431
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,170
All right,
just relax, team.

432
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,172
Feel the steam...

433
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,609
Iiterally melting
the pounds away.

434
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,311
KENNY:
Oh, I'm about to faint.

435
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:54,613
I'm going
to grab some water.

436
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,315
(door opens and closes)

437
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,617
You sure you want
to leave him alone out there?

438
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:00,119
He could be on his way
to Pizza Hut.

439
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:01,553
Good point.

440
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,384
I'll just go
check on him.

441
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,029
ROZ:
It's weird.

442
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,031
My skin
tastes kinda salty.

443
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:16,335
BULLDOG :
Oh, I'd say mostly sweet
, but a little salty.

444
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:17,324
That wasn't me,
Bulldog.

445
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,340
GIL:
That was me
you licked,

446
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,341
and if it
happens again,

447
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,036
I shall consider i
t strike one.

448
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,141
Mmm.

449
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:05,241
Kenny, what did you just eat?

450
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,215
(sucks teeth):
Nothing.

451
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:10,844
You have a toothpick.

452
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:13,292
.
Oh, all right.
I couldn't take it anymore

453
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:14,293
I only had a mouthful.

454
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:16,161
Dear God!

455
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,629
What happened?

456
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:21,266
This ravenous madman's
just eaten a live pigeon.

457
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,858
No, I didn't!
I only had some seeds.

458
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:26,138
If Kenny gets seeds,
we all get seeds.

459
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:27,127
Where are they?

460
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:29,141
No, get away!
I saw them first!

461
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,642
Give me those!

462
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,132
Stop it.

463
00:18:32,644 --> 00:18:34,146
Stop it!

464
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:36,637
Stop this madness!

465
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,879
Look at yourselves!

466
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:42,779
Dear God.

467
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:46,156
We are hours away from victory,
and look at you.

468
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:50,526
Pecking around the floor
like a clutch of crazed capons!

469
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,732
Try to conjure up
some image

470
00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,335
to give us strength.

471
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,337
Imagine yourselves winning.

472
00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:00,703
Imagine yourselves in Vegas.

473
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:04,209
I'm still hungry.

474
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,211
Stay out of the hallway.

475
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,213
Eddie just threw up
a dead pigeon

476
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,204
and now he's eating it again.

477
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:12,312
Okay, that's it.

478
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:13,540
That'll do for me.

479
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:18,690
Next up, the final weigh-in

480
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:21,426
in our Fat to Fit
Weight Loss Challenge.

481
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,825
So stay right here.

482
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:25,564
Okay, everybody,
take off your watches.

483
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:27,266
Jewelry, hairpins, shoes.

484
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:30,569
Anything that will add
just an ounce of weight.

485
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:33,272
Hey, Crane... Iookingforward to seeing you

486
00:19:33,272 --> 00:19:34,573
in your field
hockey skirt.

487
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:35,437
Oh, yeah?

488
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:36,832
I'm going be so busy

489
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:38,277
playing with that new chess set
you're gonna buy me

490
00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:42,281
that I won't even have time
to put on my skirt.

491
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,272
Not that I still have it!

492
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,218
And here they are.

493
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:47,708
Come on in, folks.

494
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,222
KPXY, you're up first.

495
00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:51,723
Okay, guys.

496
00:19:51,723 --> 00:19:53,225
Huddle up.
Here's the plan.

497
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,715
I'll stand in the middle.

498
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:57,229
You surround me
and lift me up

499
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:58,719
so I'm not even
touching the scale.

500
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,228
What?

501
00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:06,471
Wow. You have lost
an impressive

502
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,463
44 pounds,
two ounces.

503
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:12,077
Great job, guys!

504
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:15,280
I see giant steaks
with legs.

505
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,583
You're hallucinating.

506
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:18,584
Just pull it together.

507
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:19,585
No, he's right.

508
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:21,286
It's the Beef
Council Dancers.

509
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:22,583
They're on after us.

510
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,558
Okay, Team KACL.

511
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,260
Up you go.

512
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,561
Here we go.

513
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,597
Oh, my goodness.

514
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,599
44 pounds even.

515
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:36,466
You lose by two ounces.

516
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:40,439
No! I'm not getting emphysema for this.

517
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:41,440
Cut me.

518
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,441
I can't.

519
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:43,430
Cut me, damn it!

520
00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:48,676
Oh, my God!

521
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:52,684
44 pounds,
three ounces.

522
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:55,354
They're on their way to Las Vegas!

523
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,413
(KACL team cheering)

524
00:20:58,790 --> 00:20:59,791
Congratulations, guys.

525
00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:01,793
Wow!

526
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:03,295
Don't go away.

527
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:06,298
When we come back, we have
a little dance number

528
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:08,789
that's both "rare"
and "well done. "

529
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:16,330
Okay, Crane, you won.

530
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,311
Yes, I did, Shafter.

531
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:21,438
So where do I pick up
this chess set?

532
00:21:21,713 --> 00:21:22,805
The Rook Nook.

533
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:25,317
Ask for Cyril.

534
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:28,582
Tell him you were sent
by Dr. Frasier Crane...

535
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,888
Psych!...iatrist.

536
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:35,859
( cheering )