Large coffee to go , please, Black,
Didn't get much sleep last night at Ronee's,
Don't ask why, 'cause there are certain things
a gentleman doesn't tell,
Ah,
(lecherous chuckle )
Dad, please,
Well, all right, I'll tell you just a little,
She's got this massage oil ...
Would you stop it?
I do not want to hear about your dirty weekend,
especially since the most erotic experience I've h ad
in six months was last week' s trouser fitting,
Oh, Niles,
Hi, Nile s,
The GAP, Niles?
I didn't know you shopped there,
I just discovered it,
Apparently, there are a number of them,
And what did you get there ? .
Oh, uh,,, well, let's see,
Uh,,, some wineglasses and a bud vase,,,
That's Pottery Barn, you jackass!
Give me that,
Just as I thought,
You bought the Diego sweater,
What's the big de al?
It's just a sweater,
It is not just a sweater,
It is a work of art
by Spain's fabled master weaver Diego,
who uses only the soft chin hairs
of Andalusian mountain goats .
Our sweater man could only get one this year,
Niles and I made a pact that neither of us would buy it,
You can't even keep a simple sweater pact!
Ah, Ronee- - there'sa gal
who can keep a sweater packed,
Stop that,
The least you can do is let me borrow it sometime,
Absolutely not, You know Diego'? weave conforms precisely
to the contours of one's body,
Five minutes on you, I'd neverbe able to wear it again,
DAPHNE : Hello,
Oh, hi, Daph, Hey, Daph, Hi, Daphne,
Not a word about this,
We're saving money for the baby's college fund,
She'd kill me if she found out
I spent half a semester on a sweater,
You want this? Yeah, I'm leaving,
Where have you been?
You missed your massage this weekend,
That's what she thinks,
Just go!
Have a seat,
May I have a coffee?
Oh, No biscotti?
No, I baked me own,
I decided $1, 50 was way too much to spend on a cookie,
? . Anyone
Oh, Thank you, my angel of thrift,
Oh, hi, RoZ,
Good morning,
Maybe yours was,
I just spent the last two hours waiting in line
for this kiddie performer that Alice loves, Nanny G,
and the second I got to the window, the show sold out,
Nanny G? Frasier might be able
to pull a few strings for you there,
You know Nanny G?
What did you, like, date her?
Actually, I married her,
You married Nanny G?
Yeah, Well, briefly, It was years ago,
I was a callow, dreamy-eyed youth, and she was,,,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need tickets.
She's at Kidbooks right now signing her new CD,
If you come with me,,,
All right, all right,
I'll see what I can do,
Thank you,
Oh, and could you turn
the heat up in here? It's freeZing,
Oh, Niles has a sweater,
Oh, and it's from the GAP, Good boy,
Now, help me stretch the neck out,
I don't want to muss me hair,
Thank you, Nanny G,
So what was it like being married to Nanny G?
Oh, gosh, We weree, so young and immatur
We'd have huge fights over nothing,
But in the bedroom,,,
Uh, Frasier,,,
Oh, sorry,
So, um,,, Nanny G gave you nice "hugs"?
Oh, big hugs,
No kiddin'?
. We used to hug our brains out
In fact, you know,
the last time we saw each other,
she wanted to have a little reunion hug,
But, alas, I was stillmarried to Lilith
and settling for my weekly handshake,
So, you're hoping for another hug?
Oh, the thought had crossed my mind, you know
We used to have this wild attraction to each other,
It was almost combustible,
Truth be told,
while it's been a
since I, uh,,, romped with abandon
through the perfumed gardens of Eros,
Next time you say something like that, covermyears,
And who is this for? Frasier,
F-R-A,,,
Frasier! Oh! It's so good to see you again!
And you-- you look great,
I've never seen such col or in your cheeks,
Oh, this isn't Lilith,
This is my coworker, RoZ, and her daughter, Alice,
Hey, Alice, How old are you?
now, I'm divorced
Five,
Wow, Five!
Single again,
You know what happens when you turn six?
You grow an extra finger,
Footloose, fancy free,
She's not biting, Just get the tickets,
All right,
You know, Nanette, Alice
was so hoping to see your show,
but, alas, all the tickets are sold,
Well, I think I can scare up three seats,
if you don't mind sitting in the front row,
Thank you, Nanny G!
Can I have everyone's attention?
Nanny G has to go to the theater now,
so no more autographs,
Gosh, I'm sorry, But maybe we have time for one more thing.
Would you like to hear a song?
(kids cheering)
Does everyone know
"The Peek-a-Boo Song?
Yeah!
Well, then, you know what to do!
Peek-a-boo
Someone's there, but, oh, my gosh
I don't know who
Is it you?
KIDS: Peek-a-boo Give a clue
Peek-a-boo
Guess I better go and sneak a peek-a-boo
ALL: Peek-a-boo
That was great!
. so I want everyone to cover your eyes
Ah-ah-ah! I said everyone,
KIDS: Peek-a-boo Peek-a-boo
? . Someone's there?
But, oh, my gosh, I don't know who
Is it you? Peek-a-boo
Here's a clue Peek-a-boo
Guess I better go and sneak a peek-a-boo
Peek-a-boo
One more time!
Oh, hi, you guys, Hey,
I'm glad you're both here,
Guess who's coming by for a drink,
Nanette GuZman,
Nanny G, I don't suppose
she's brink, ging her checkboo
Oh, dear God, Dad,
will you let it go?
I was still paying for that wedding
six months after you two divorced,
Nanette didn't have any family so she got off scot-free,
Oh, yeah, orphans get all the breaks,
Hey, Frasier, Dad and Ronee are joining us for dinner,
Why don't you two come along?
Well, actually, Niles, I'm planning
a bit of an intimate evening myself,
Really?
me, She wants
Are you sure? You said that last week
about the cable lady, and she just had something in her eye,
She hit on me in the children's bookstore
where I bought her CD,
Trust me, the woman is a sexual volcano
about to erupt,
NILES: Judging from some of these song titles,
you may be right,
"Nanny's Messy Bed",,,
"I Feel Something Great Inside Me",,,
"Banisters Are Fun, "
h, Hey, Hey, Dap
My sweater--
weren't you wearing it when you went out?
Yeah, but Eddie was pulling me along so fast
I started sweating like a blacksmith,
I could smell the lamb curry I had for lunch just wafting out my pores,
But don't worry-- it's right here,
Oh, great,
That was me last butterscotch,
Now it's all fuZZy,
(doorbell rings)
That'll be Nanette,
Nanette,
God, I could throw you down on this floor right now and,,, Hi!
Hello,
Here, let me take your, uh,,,
Isn't she? the children's entertainer
Yeah, SpongeBob Hotpants,
Nanette, you remember my dad, of course, and-and Niles,
And this is his wife, Daphne,
Hello, It's nice to meet you, Oh, it's nice
to meet you, too,
Oh, I don't think I've seen since the wedding,
Oh, I remember that day,
All those nice friends of yours came,
What was it, 60, 70?
It's okay, Dad,
I know because only 50 RSVP'ed,
FRASIER: It's all right,,,
You know, sadly, this bunch is going out this evening,
so it'll just be the two of us,
(knocking) Hey,
. And Donald
Donald?
Put 'er there, Don Burwell,
Frasier Crane, uh,,,
, NANNY G : Donald here does, well
just about everything for me,
He's my manager, producer, songwriter,
publicist,,, Husband,
I was getting there,
And when I told him where I was going, well,
he just had to come along to meet you,
FRASIER: Well, uh,,,
Gosh, w-who wants wine?
I know I do,
. I'll help, Donal d, introduce yourself
Hello, Donald,
Just when were you planning on telling me you have a husband?
He produces my show, It's a marriage of convenience,
Not at the moment, it's not,
Come on, give Nanny some sugar,
Stop-stop it, stop it,
. Donald will see us
We'll say that you're short on something
and send him to the store-- he's good at errands,
I'm not going to send him on an errand,
He's your husband, It's just business,
It's nothing like what we had,
Do you remember the passion,,, and the wildness?
Well, we are running low on cornichons,
Not only did we break house records in Boise
and Topeka, but she hasn'? missed a show,
She just,,, she lives to entertain children,
Of all ages,
Don, come out and look at the balcony,
Dear God!
? . Have we lost our minds
Frasier, if you knew how bored I am
being Nanny G,,,
how trapped I feel,
You have a wonderful career,
But nothing ever changes,
Do you have any idea what it's like
to play the same character for 20 years?
But,,, you've brought joy to-to countless small children,
Yeah, well,,,
there are times you want to bring joy
to somebody big enough to throw a little back at you,
Stop-stop it!
Who wants wine?
Oh, that'll cool her right down,
Uh, none for us, We really have to go,
Yeah, Uh, nice to meet you, Donald,
and, uh, Fras, see you in a few hours
So, looks like a threesome tonight,
Maybe I'll just stay at Ronee's,
Yes, well, uh,,,
) (clears throat
Here we all are,
(chuckling)
(phone rings, playing "Peek-a-boo")
Hello,
Ar-Are you sure?
Mr, Bunny's using again,
Do you have anyone to replace him?
Donald, we a re guests here,
Take that outside,
HonestIy,
. The man has no manners
Cut that out!
I can't help myself,
I've never stopped thinking about you
Nor I you, but this is wrong,
Oh, Frasier, you're so good,
You always do the right thing,
I have the exact same problem,
(panting)
Well, you're making great strides overcoming it,
Well, I'm tired of being good,
I've sung my songs and cheered people up,
Haven't I earned the right to be a little bad?
Isn't there a part of you that wants to be bad?
Yes, and three guesses which one,
I-I,,, I can't do it,
Come to my dressing room after the show tomorrow,
I have an hour when Donald's busy,
.. I know an hour's not much,
Trust me, an hour's more than ample,
Shh, Shh,
Well, I just hope he shows up tomorrow,
That bunny suit is jus t so darn tight on me,
Donald, you know, you really must try
one of these Gruyre tarts,
Oh, no, thanks,
I'm watching the old cholesterol,
NANETTE: So am I, but you know what?
I just feel like being bad tonight,
What about you, Frasier?
Are you going to be bad?
DONALD: Ah, go on,
What's one little tart?
Mmm, Well, it shows its face
? . What was t hat last night
Relax, relax, Nothing happened,
My problem now is that,,,
she's invited me to her dressing room
for an aprs-show tryst,
You're not going?
Well,,,
Frasier,
Niles, if you had any idea
how much pain she's in,
The woman is reaching out to me
to rescue her from a loveless marriage,
from,,, from a career she feels trapped in,
If I could help her make a new beginning,
wouldn't it be heartless of me to deny myself to her?
Did you say something?
hear, Your penis was talking so loud, I couldn't
All right!
I want her and she wants me!
She's married,
Yes, well, I married her first,
Till death us do part, as I recall,
Now, you may not take those vows seriously, but I do,
Will you listen to yourself?
Oh, this is more than just sex, Niles,
This is passion, kismet,
a gift the gods bestow on only a chosen few,
Wouldn't the real sin be to refuse it?
Isn't that your old second-piece-of-pie argument?
Well, maybe it is,
but I haven't had "pie" in six months,
Frasier, you can rationaliZe this any way you want,
but the real question is,
if you do this, can you live with yourself afterwards?
Ready for the concert?
. Hey, Alice
Hi, Uncle Niles,
. Hi
Come on, Mommy, Let's go,
Oh, oh, oh, no hugs for Frasier?
No,,,
No hugs for Frasier,
(knock at door)
Frasier, I thought you were coming after the show,
No, I can't,
Well, we have ten minutes,
Let me just get rid of,,, Donald!
Huh?
. No, no, I can' t do this at all
What?
Huh?
Nothing, Just sit there,
. God knows I'm temp ted, but,,, this is wrong
I-I'm sorry you've been so unhappy in you r life lately, but,,,
If you want to talk, we can meet later
at the coffee shop next door,
Why can't we talk now?
? . Don't you have a show to do
They can't start without me,
Here, come with me,
What is this place?
It's the prop room,
This is where I come before every show
to fight off the emptiness and the nausea
that comes over me,
You don't know how many time s I've sat down here,
curled up in a ball vomiting like a wino,
Hold me, Frasier,
I can't,
You're married,
And these shoe s are suede,
Look, I-I realiZe that you'r e at a crossroads right now,
and if I can help you reach some decision,,,
, I can't go on, Then don'?
Make a break, Redefine yourself,
No, I mean now, this show,
I can't go on, What?
Cancel?
I can't go out there and sing and dance
and pretend to be a happy lady
when the love of my life has just rejected me,
Oh, Nanette, I,,, I realiZe you're upset, but-but,,,
think of little Alice and-and the children,
Oh, let them learn now
that life is filled with bitter disappointments,
But, Nanette,,,
Oh, make me a happy lady, Frasier,
And then I can go on,
For the children!
Okay,
All right,
Take me, Frasier!
Yes! Yes!
Oh!
Oh, God!
How I've dreamed of this moment!
Have you?!
Are you kidding?
I dreamed of it twice last night,
Oh, my God!
Already?
Oh, no!
I thought we had more time,
! . Quick, get off the bed
Oh, dear God!
Why is the ceiling opening up?
! . This is how I make my entrance
Get off the bed!
I can't, I can't, I'm tangled in the sheets,
Jump!
Jump? It's too high,
Aim for your clothes,
Dear God, my clothes!
Oh, hide! For God' s sake, just hide!
(cheering)
You have got to get out of this bed,
Can't I just hide here until the show's over?
Trust me, that ain't gonna work,
(cheering)
When it's time to rise
I yawn and rub my eyes
Because I'm such a sleepyhead
But rise I do
'Cause I'm dying to see what's new
In Nanny's messy bed
There might be treats
Last week I found a piZZa
And a chimpanZee named Fred
So, kids, what say
We see what we find today
In Nanny's messy bed
There's always something new
It's Mr, Kangaroo?
Some bunny rabbits, too
And a Panda
Psst, Panda,
Who the hell are you?
Dr, Frasier Crane, a noted psychiatrist,
When does the bed go back to the basement?
Fast,
What a mess, what a mess
What a messy, messy, messy, messy bed
What a mess
Nonetheless
With all the time I spend in it
It's nice to have a friend in it
You have got to get me out of here,
This thing's about to fly up to the rafters,
Gee, I didn't know that,
having only done this show 12, 000 times,
Put this on,
You can't be serious,
Just put it on now!
Messy bed,
(cheering)
Oh, hi, boys and girls,
ALL: Hi, Nanny G,
Well, I guess I'd better make my bed,
You don't have to, Nanny G,
I have a magic wand that can make it fly away
until it's nighttime again,
AlakaZ,,,
Wait!
I think there's something in there that I haven't found yet
(gasps)
It's the best surprise ever,
It's,,,
a new baby brother!
(laughter)
Oh, what's the matter, little guy?
You look kind of sad,
Are you going to cry?
( whispers ) Cry,
Waa!
Oh,,,
NANETTE: Sounds like somebody could use some cheering up,
Let's sing him the "Hoppity-Hop" song,
We cut "Hoppity-Hop" in Detroit,
Put it back in,
When I'm blue just like you
When it's not my day
I hop, hop, hoppity-hop
Hop my troubles away
Come on!
ALL: When a bee stings my knee?
When I lose a toy
I hop, hop, hoppity-hop
And soon I'm jumping for jo
We were feeling sad
Now we're feeling snapp
We were hopping mad
Now we're hopping happy
So when you think people stink
Let your knees just bend
And hop, hop, hoppity-hop
And watch your grumpiness end
Hop, hop, hoppity-hop