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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Okay, boys. Here we go.
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These are your gloves.
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This is the ball,
and these are the rules--
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You throw, you catch.
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Reverse, repeat.
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Where's your cap?
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Oh, I'm not really
a cap person.
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Oh, come on.
You'll look adorable.
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My life's ambition.
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Try and be cool.
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There.
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Oh, yeah, we cool.
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Come on, Gracie.
We're going to the park.
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I'm a little anxious
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about this
whole
kite thing.
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Why, sweetie?
We're gonna have fun.
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What if I let go of the string
and lose it?
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I'm not good with separation.
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Oh, come on.
You're not gonna lose it.
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A kite
is like a really cute guy.
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You give him some slack,
let him fly free.
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Then, at the end of the day,
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you yank his string
and reel him back in.
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And you hang him
on a hook
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till you're ready
to use him again.
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And I'm teaching you?
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♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
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♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
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♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
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♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
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♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
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♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
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♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
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♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
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♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
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♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
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♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪
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♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
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♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
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♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
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♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
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♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
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♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
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♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
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♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
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♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
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Okay, last question--
what is the capital of Peru?
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Lima.
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Very good!
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Boy, if she fit in your bookbag,
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you might actually
pass this test.
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I don't need to be a genius.
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I'm going to be a producer,
like Dad.
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Who said that?
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Good morning, everyone.
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I have the most fabulous news.
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They've
selected
a dilettante
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for the Biosphere?
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I was at Elizabeth Arden
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getting a facial, manicure,
and herbal wrap--
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You know, at Earl Scheib,
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you could get the whole job done
for $89.95,
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bodywork included.
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Anyway, who do you think
was under the next turban?
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Aladdin?
Yasser Arafat?
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No, that's not a turban,
that's a burnoose.
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Whatever it is,
he could use a facial,
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or better yet, a chemical peel.
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C.C.: Nanny Fine...
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Wha..? We're giving him
the Gaza Strip.
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Would it kill him
to take a shave
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and put on
a little Paco Rabanne?
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Does the name Maureen Wentworth
ring a bell?
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Not even a jingle.
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She invested $50,000
in our last production.
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Ah, yes.
How is the dear lady?
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$50,000 for a lousy play?
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Oh. Which I found
delightful.
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I'm still humming the tunes.
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$50,000 is
the kind of
change
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she finds in her couch.
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These are the Wentworths
that came over on theMayflower.
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How did they know
what to pack?
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I mean, you're going
to a new world--
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is it hot, is it cold,
is it rainy?
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There are no brochures.
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They were pilgrims, Miss Fine.
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They all wore the same thing.
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And that was a mistake.
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Very few people can wear
a big hat, a big collar,
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and a big buckle.
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Anyway, Maureen
and her daughter, Cynthia,
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are very active
in the Cotillion Society,
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and I mentioned Maggie,
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and they've invited her
to be a junior deb.
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MAXWELL:
C.C., that's splendid!
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What a nice opportunity
for Maggie.
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Maggie? Oh, yes, of course.
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And it wouldn't hurt us
to cultivate some new old money.
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Excuse me, but does anyone
care how I feel about this?
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I know I don't.
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Oh, you'll love it!
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I was a debutante.
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It's the only way
to meet the right people,
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make the right connections,
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marry the right man.
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But you never got married.
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Good one.
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I don't want to be a deb.
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But sweetheart, it might
help you come out of your shell.
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I like my shell.
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If you get real close
to Maggie,
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you can hear the ocean.
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You know,
I agree with Miss Babcock.
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I know. It was an ugly
shock to me too.
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But, angel, I think it would be
a good opportunity for you.
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I don't care what you all think.
I don't want to do it!
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Kids.
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I should have stayed in retail.
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I'll do it.
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I mean, who does C.C.
think she is,
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butting into my social life?
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What social life?
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I just went to the movies
with Denise.
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Honey, she's the cleaning lady.
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You're 14 years old.
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This house should be filled
with obnoxious teenagers,
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swapping sweaters
and trashing each other.
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I hate all those girls.
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They all go to my school.
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They're just so stuck-up
and snobby.
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Popular?
Yeah.
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Oh, honey, you could
be just as popular.
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You're smart
and gorgeous,
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plus you got
a double-A
width.
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The world
is your
oyster.
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Skinny feet cannot get you
into this group.
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You don't know
what these cliques are like.
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Oh, you think
they're any
different
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from the Cosmetology Club
at Flushing High?
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00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:41,250
True, we had better nails,
but all cliques are alike.
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You got your leader
of the pack--
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she's the prettiest,
the snobbiest,
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and everybody wants
to be her friend.
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That's Cindy.
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Forget her. She don't need you.
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Find the low man on the totem
pole and make your move.
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You see,
no one ever listens to her,
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00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:58,330
so she'll be grateful
and wide open for infiltration.
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How do I infiltrate?
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00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:02,330
Choose from the
three
universal topics--
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00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:05,500
boys, clothes,
and Bobby Sherman.
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00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:07,300
Bobby who?
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00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,330
Okay, Marky Mark,
157
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,400
but he doesn't have
half the talent of
Bobby.
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It also helps to unite
against a common enemy.
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00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:16,483
A good choice would be
your gym teacher.
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00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,483
You make it sound
like a war.
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It's worse. War is just hell.
This is high school.
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That's Bobby Sherman.
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What's that?
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That's his hair.
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Isn't he cute?
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He's not really my type.
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I'm torn between Barney...
and Ted Koppel.
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00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,166
Yeah, but Bobby could sing.
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You should hear his records.
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What's a record?
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Oy... just bury me.
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00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:54,116
That sweater you wore today
is just gorgeous.
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00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:57,383
Sure. No wonder Jason Matthews
has a crush on you.
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00:06:57,416 --> 00:07:01,100
Don't you think he looks
just like Marky Mark?
175
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,416
The three universal topics
and sucking up...
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00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:06,160
grand slam.
177
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,466
Can this be?
Our Maggie has a friend?
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You live long enough,
you see everything.
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
180
00:07:15,433 --> 00:07:17,830
Where's Maxwell?
181
00:07:17,116 --> 00:07:19,366
Yes, I've been feeling
a little under the weather,
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00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,150
but I'm much better now.
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00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:24,160
He wants these contracts
in London by morning.
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00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,266
Well, here, hop on.
185
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,466
With the time
difference,
you'll just make it.
186
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:35,830
Fran...I'm on the phone
with Cindy Wentworth.
187
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And she'd like to know
what to bring tomorrow.
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00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,266
I told her-- potato salad,
and not the German kind.
189
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:44,416
Niles, why is Miss
Fine
using the words
190
00:07:44,450 --> 00:07:47,350
"Wentworth" and
"potato salad" in
the same sentence?
191
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:49,366
Miss Margaret
and Miss Fine are hosting
192
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,266
a mother-daughter
debutante tea.
193
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,133
You're hosting a society tea?
194
00:07:54,166 --> 00:07:56,150
Yeah.
I thought we'd do potluck.
195
00:07:56,183 --> 00:07:57,400
That always goes over big.
196
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:58,450
What?
197
00:07:58,483 --> 00:08:00,266
Meanwhile, with all their money,
198
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:03,133
go find someone
to bring an entrée.
199
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:06,183
You're asking Maureen Wentworth
to bring her own food?
200
00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:07,450
Well, fair is fair.
201
00:08:07,483 --> 00:08:09,330
I mean, we're springing
202
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:10,183
for the make-your-own
sundae bar,
203
00:08:10,216 --> 00:08:11,433
the cosmetic
demonstration,
204
00:08:11,466 --> 00:08:13,316
and the gypsy
fortune-teller.
205
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:15,466
Come on, kids.
206
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,350
Let's go wrap the gifts
for the grab bag.
207
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:19,366
Miss Fine, a moment.
208
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,250
Does this mean
you're not leaving?
209
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:24,216
Sorry to disappoint you.
210
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,466
I'll bounce back.
211
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,330
Okay, kids,
start without me.
212
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:30,316
Oh, and Maggie...
213
00:08:30,350 --> 00:08:31,400
make sure you take
the best gift
214
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:33,250
and wrap it
in aluminum foil.
215
00:08:33,283 --> 00:08:36,330
That way you can always
grab it for yourself.
216
00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:37,400
Always
the gracious
hostess.
217
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,416
Oh, you should've seen
my Sweet 16
218
00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:41,150
at Benny's Clam Bar.
219
00:08:41,183 --> 00:08:43,150
We took over
the whole half-shell room.
220
00:08:43,183 --> 00:08:45,330
I'm sure
it was the
highlight
221
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:46,200
of the Flushing
social season.
222
00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:47,366
Nah.
223
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,483
That was the Astoria Boulevard
block party.
224
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,266
They had two of The Four Tops.
225
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:54,216
Miss Fine, my point is,
226
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:57,500
a society hostess
should have style, flair,
227
00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,316
and a proper degree
of social sophistication.
228
00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:01,233
Yeah, so?
229
00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:05,400
So you're grossly
underqualified.
230
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:08,830
And yet still
Maggie's first choice.
231
00:09:08,450 --> 00:09:12,660
Miss Fine, this is not
a popularity contest.
232
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,250
And I won anyway.
233
00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:17,350
I'll have you know
I have traveled
234
00:09:17,383 --> 00:09:19,283
in some pretty exclusive
circles.
235
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:21,416
I sat at the captain's table
on the Carnival cruise,
236
00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:24,416
passed the A-1
to Kathie Lee.
237
00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:27,100
Miss Fine,
this is not
brunch
238
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,466
with Captain Stubing.
239
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,416
These women are
vicious, backstabbing,
judgmental harpies.
240
00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:34,316
I know.
They're my closest friends.
241
00:09:34,350 --> 00:09:36,500
Oh, you don't scare me.
242
00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:39,500
I have sat in
on my mother's Mah Jongg group.
243
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:40,350
Ah.
244
00:09:40,383 --> 00:09:42,266
My fears are allayed.
245
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,400
Maggie's social future
246
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:47,330
rests securely
in your capable hands.
247
00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:49,000
[LAUGHS]
248
00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:54,160
Well, at least her fears
are getting allayed.
249
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,183
You know, I'm really
getting the hang
250
00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:00,433
of this baseball thing.
251
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,250
I'm rather enjoying it,
actually.
252
00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:04,366
Don't toss the ball
in the house, sir.
253
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:08,133
Oh, Niles, don't be
such a stick-in-the-mud.
254
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,400
Go on, old man,
get out in the hall.
255
00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:12,116
I'll burn one in.
256
00:10:12,150 --> 00:10:14,200
Dear God in heaven.
257
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,366
Right. Ready?
258
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,383
[CRASH]
259
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:26,233
It was old.
260
00:10:26,266 --> 00:10:28,483
Ancient, actually.
261
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,116
Oh, well.
One less thing to dust.
262
00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:34,366
Maybe I'll just
pay some bills.
263
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,660
Oh, and I was so hoping
264
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:38,100
we could toss
the frisbee
around.
265
00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:41,266
Who's Madam Aleska?
266
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,383
And why am I paying her $200?
267
00:10:43,416 --> 00:10:46,266
She's the fortune-teller
Miss Fine hired for the
party.
268
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:48,266
A fortune-teller
at a society tea?
269
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,250
Perhaps she can
read the leaves.
270
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,366
Oh, Niles, I'm beginning to have
second thoughts about this.
271
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,333
Can you really picture Miss Fine
272
00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:58,830
in a room full
of New York society matrons?
273
00:10:59,216 --> 00:11:01,200
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
274
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,300
You want to hear a good one?
275
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:06,150
Miss Babcock was saying
276
00:11:06,183 --> 00:11:08,150
I'm going to stick out
like a sore thumb
277
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:10,150
at tomorrow's tea party.
278
00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:17,283
Well, jump in anytime
with heartfelt reassurance.
279
00:11:17,316 --> 00:11:20,250
Don't worry, Miss Fine.
These ladies tend to be
a bit stuffy,
280
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:22,216
but you'll be
a breath of fresh air.
281
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:25,330
A delightful...
novelty.
282
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,316
In other words,
a freak in the sideshow.
283
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:32,100
Well, everybody
loves the circus.
284
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:34,350
But I don't want
to embarrass Maggie.
285
00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:37,283
14 is a very vulnerable age.
286
00:11:37,316 --> 00:11:39,250
I remember when I was 14.
287
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:41,416
My mother came to pick me up
after school
288
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,400
in a halter top
and pedal pushers--
289
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:46,233
Oh! I'm still looking
for the right support group.
290
00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:51,316
All right, Miss Fine,
291
00:11:51,350 --> 00:11:54,133
let's suppose for a moment
we shared your concern.
292
00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:57,216
It's really too late
to cancel the party now.
293
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,300
Or is it?
294
00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,300
Oh, no, don't. You can't cancel.
295
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,133
Maggie is counting on it.
296
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:05,283
Can't you just teach me
how to fit in?
297
00:12:05,316 --> 00:12:08,466
Come on, Niles.
You know all about
that fancy-schmancy stuff.
298
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,466
Yes. I'm very
proud
of my command
299
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,183
of both the fancy
and the schmancy.
300
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:15,150
So tell me--
301
00:12:15,183 --> 00:12:19,330
what is the difference
between me and those ladies?
302
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:21,000
I wouldn't know
where to begin.
303
00:12:21,330 --> 00:12:23,000
Her clothes.
Her hair.
304
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:25,500
Her voice.
Her laugh.
305
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:27,250
Boy, you came up with that
list pretty fast.
306
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,330
It would be
a monumental task.
307
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:32,166
Impossible.
308
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,483
Oh, go for it.
309
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,216
I'm an empty canvas,
a blank slate,
310
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,450
an Etch-A-Sketch
right after you shake it.
311
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,100
All right,
you're on.
312
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:44,400
We have 24 hours
313
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:46,150
to turn this breath
of fresh air
314
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,266
into a stale
pretentious snob.
315
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,483
In other words, Miss Babcock.
316
00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:54,133
By George, I think he's got it.
317
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,366
Round tones, Miss Fine.
318
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,333
How now, brown cow?
319
00:13:09,366 --> 00:13:13,500
How now, brown... oy.
320
00:13:16,183 --> 00:13:19,333
Enough with the marbles.
I've swallowed three
and passed two already.
321
00:13:22,330 --> 00:13:24,283
How now, brown cow?
322
00:13:24,316 --> 00:13:27,660
Not that there's gonna be
any cows at the party.
323
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,483
That's what you think.
324
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:31,366
Party, Miss Fine.
325
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,400
Yes, let's try to capture
that elusive letter "R."
326
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,660
What?
Your accent, it's so...
327
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:40,116
odd.
It's inescapable.
328
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:42,383
I don't see an "R"
coming out of your mouths.
329
00:13:42,416 --> 00:13:44,100
That's because
we're British.
330
00:13:44,133 --> 00:13:45,300
Yes, we can say
anything we like,
331
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,416
and people think
it's Shakespeare.
332
00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:50,466
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
333
00:13:54,830 --> 00:13:56,500
All right. Repeat after me.
334
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:59,383
Mark went on a lark after dark
in Central Park.
335
00:13:59,416 --> 00:14:01,383
Gee, I hope he has a gun.
336
00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:05,830
Miss Fine, focus.
337
00:14:05,116 --> 00:14:08,500
All right, but the Kennedys
don't have an "R" between them.
338
00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:09,333
They pahk the cah
in the rivah,
339
00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:11,830
and get away with it.
340
00:14:14,166 --> 00:14:16,150
No, no.
It's all wrong.
341
00:14:16,183 --> 00:14:19,116
I'll say. This book is
flattening my whole pouf.
342
00:14:20,116 --> 00:14:22,830
It's your hips,
Miss Fine.
343
00:14:22,116 --> 00:14:24,150
I've never had
any complaints before.
344
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:27,830
It's the way they move
from side to side.
345
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,333
Well, I've never had
any complaints before.
346
00:14:31,183 --> 00:14:33,300
What's the matter?
These ladies don't have hips?
347
00:14:34,266 --> 00:14:35,466
Not really, no.
348
00:14:36,316 --> 00:14:38,200
And flat bums.
349
00:14:40,116 --> 00:14:41,350
But who's looking?
350
00:14:41,383 --> 00:14:43,133
Mm.
351
00:14:45,266 --> 00:14:48,100
Perhaps we should
move on to conversation,
sir.
352
00:14:48,133 --> 00:14:50,433
Oh, now, that's my area
of speciality.
353
00:14:50,466 --> 00:14:53,160
I am never at a loss for words.
354
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,183
There are several
topics
which are appropriate
355
00:14:55,216 --> 00:14:57,330
in any social setting--
356
00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:59,200
the weather, current events,
literature.
357
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,383
I'll take literature for 100,
Alex.
358
00:15:01,416 --> 00:15:04,830
[LAUGHING]
359
00:15:04,116 --> 00:15:05,466
What, I shouldn't laugh?
360
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,166
If you must,
361
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,216
try a soft,
breathy
"a-ha ha ha ha".
362
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:11,450
A-ha ha ha ha.
363
00:15:11,483 --> 00:15:13,483
And close.
364
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:18,383
MAXWELL:
No. No. No. No.
365
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:22,283
I can't believe
you're knocking my style.
366
00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:24,250
I'm known for my style,
367
00:15:24,283 --> 00:15:27,000
except for that brief
cornrow period
368
00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:29,200
after I saw10.
369
00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:32,350
Ah, what about
this beige
frock?
370
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,283
That's my dress bag.
371
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:42,450
Two arm holes
and a string of pearls...
372
00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:45,316
Could work.
373
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,500
This is the fish knife,
374
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:51,116
the steak knife,
the salad knife,
375
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,300
and the butter knife.
376
00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:55,500
You know, one amazing Ginsu
could do it all.
377
00:15:56,150 --> 00:15:57,366
All right. Let's start again.
378
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:01,183
The salad course has arrived,
and you pick up your...
379
00:16:01,216 --> 00:16:03,283
Mm... the salad fork.
380
00:16:03,316 --> 00:16:04,483
And wrong again.
381
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,300
That is
your shrimp fork.
382
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:09,450
Well, I don't know about you,
but I'm getting shrimp salad.
383
00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:12,500
All right.
We've finished our meal.
384
00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:13,133
What do we do now?
385
00:16:13,166 --> 00:16:15,830
If you're at my mother's house,
386
00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:17,660
you open your pants
and flop on the couch.
387
00:16:18,466 --> 00:16:20,316
Guess again.
[TAPS ON GLASS]
388
00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:22,250
Oh, yeah.
389
00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:28,500
Tart but refreshing.
390
00:16:28,830 --> 00:16:30,266
No, Miss Fine, that
is your finger bowl!
391
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:32,216
It's for washing
the fingers.
392
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:34,366
What, these people
can't afford Wet Naps?
393
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,400
[HARP MUSIC PLAYING]
394
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,416
Oh, God. This is worse
than an opening night.
395
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:49,166
And the critics
here
are much tougher.
396
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,383
Well, whatever
happens, Niles,
397
00:16:50,416 --> 00:16:51,416
I've enjoyed
working with you.
398
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:52,466
Same here, sir.
399
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,166
Somehow I feel
closer to you.
400
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,166
Well, let's not get
carried away, old man.
401
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,283
Sorry, sir.
402
00:16:59,233 --> 00:17:01,660
I say, old man,
we did it.
403
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,216
We did it!
We did it.
404
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,433
We said
that we would do
it.
405
00:17:03,466 --> 00:17:05,400
And indeed we did!
406
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:09,250
[ENUNCIATING CLEARLY]
Hello. How do you do?
407
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,366
How now, brown cow?
408
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,316
Maureen.
409
00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:22,466
C.C., how lovely to see you.
410
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,333
Kiss-kiss.
Hug-hug.
411
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:27,100
Uh, tell me, who is
that lovely creature
412
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,100
on Maxwell's arm?
413
00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,350
That's the nanny.
414
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,350
Oh. And yet,
what a stunning outfit.
415
00:17:33,383 --> 00:17:35,166
Thank you.
416
00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:39,216
Mrs. Wentworth,
I'd like you to meet
417
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:41,216
our hostess, Miss Fran Fine.
418
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:43,216
Charmed, I'm sure.
419
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:45,330
Look who discovered
the letter "R."
420
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:47,266
Please excuse me
for being tardy,
421
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,283
but I was on the phone
with my mother,
422
00:17:50,316 --> 00:17:53,660
and she can be such ayenter.
423
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:55,416
This is a great party, Maggie.
424
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,383
It's almost as much fun
as algebra.
425
00:17:57,416 --> 00:18:01,330
Look, guys,
it's gonna get better, really.
426
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,433
Fran has the whole party
all planned.
427
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:06,450
What a lovely artifact.
Is it Mayan?
428
00:18:06,483 --> 00:18:08,466
No, it's his-an.
429
00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:12,133
Niles, mayday.
430
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,350
I'm on it, sir.
431
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:16,116
Would you care
for a cucumber sandwich?
432
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:18,500
Oh, thank you.
Don't these look yummy?
433
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:21,333
Please enjoy.
I've had the seeds
removed to avoid
gas.
434
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,383
Come. Let's meet
our other guests.
435
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:26,500
Gas, Miss Fine?
436
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,200
I was just trying
to make conversation.
437
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,283
Indeed. Literature, the
weather, and the lively
arts
438
00:18:30,316 --> 00:18:32,000
are such narrow topics.
439
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:34,133
One must invariably
turn to flatulence
440
00:18:34,166 --> 00:18:36,000
for inspiration.
441
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:38,000
Would you like
to come up to my room
442
00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:39,100
and play
with my Gameboy?
443
00:18:39,133 --> 00:18:40,150
Eat dirt.
444
00:18:40,183 --> 00:18:41,283
Ooh-kay.
445
00:18:41,316 --> 00:18:45,433
Dead, my uncle was,
right there on the couch,
446
00:18:45,466 --> 00:18:48,416
only nobody noticed until
the seventh-inning stretch,
447
00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:50,333
when he did not.
448
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,660
Ah-ha ha ha ha.
449
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,416
And close.
450
00:18:57,466 --> 00:19:00,433
Fran, could I talk
to you for a
moment?
451
00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:04,160
If you'll excuse me,
we'll schmooze later.
452
00:19:06,466 --> 00:19:08,166
Fran, my friends are bored.
453
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,660
I thought you said we were gonna
have entertainment.
454
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:12,350
Well, we're gonna sing madrigals
with the harpist.
455
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:14,300
Is this classy or what?
456
00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:15,400
No. It stinks.
457
00:19:15,433 --> 00:19:17,316
What?
458
00:19:17,350 --> 00:19:19,400
This is the worst party
I've ever been to!
459
00:19:19,433 --> 00:19:23,150
She obviously missed
my cousin Ira's bris.
460
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:31,116
I take it in there
you weren't entirely thrilled
461
00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:32,333
with the party.
462
00:19:32,366 --> 00:19:35,660
What happened to the party
we planned?
463
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,300
Well, I thought
that this would be better--
464
00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:38,416
you know, classier,
465
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:40,316
more like
what you're used
to.
466
00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:43,660
I'm used to sitting home alone.
467
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:46,250
All right, so after this party,
things should be back to normal.
468
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:48,266
What have you done
to yourself?
469
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:51,660
That hair, that outfit?
470
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:54,000
And where did you get
that voice?
471
00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:56,466
Well, I got a little from Niles,
a little from your father,
472
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,350
but mostly Mrs. Howell.
473
00:19:59,383 --> 00:20:01,266
What were you thinking?
474
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,330
Oh, I wasn't.
475
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,166
I listened
to Miss
Babcock.
476
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,283
Why, I don't know.
477
00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:06,483
Does she entertain?
478
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,330
In all the time
I've known the woman,
479
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,000
she's never
had me over once.
480
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:13,350
I can't believe
you dressed up like a geek
481
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:14,483
and ruined my party.
482
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,330
Oy.
483
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,483
It's the nicest thing
anyone has ever done for me.
484
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,216
Aw, don't mention it...
485
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:25,000
ever again.
486
00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:26,466
You know, you didn't
have to change.
487
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,400
Aren't you always
telling me to be myself?
488
00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:31,266
Sure, when you're you,
perfection,
489
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:32,416
you could be yourself,
490
00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:36,330
but when you're me,
a diamond in the rough--
491
00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:38,350
Are you kidding?
I'd kill to be like you!
492
00:20:38,383 --> 00:20:39,400
Really?
493
00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:42,133
I'd kill to be like you.
494
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,200
So what do you say
we go throw a party
495
00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:46,466
that'll kill C.C.?
496
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,250
Oh, now you're
thinking
like a deb.
497
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:52,150
Kiss-kiss.
Hug-hug.
498
00:20:53,216 --> 00:20:55,160
Come on,
take my hair
out.
499
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,383
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
500
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,166
Actually, my
people
came over
501
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,316
on theMayflower.
502
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:07,433
Oh, of course--
the collar, the buckle.
503
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:10,250
I didn't put it together
without the hat.
504
00:21:13,416 --> 00:21:15,350
We landed on Plymouth Rock.
505
00:21:15,383 --> 00:21:18,283
My family can be traced back
for 500 years.
506
00:21:18,316 --> 00:21:20,250
We landed on Ellis Island.
507
00:21:20,283 --> 00:21:22,660
They changed our names,
508
00:21:22,100 --> 00:21:24,330
and now we don't know
who the hell we were.
509
00:21:28,216 --> 00:21:31,150
Okay. Who wants sprinkles?
510
00:21:31,183 --> 00:21:32,483
Your father
is really cute.
511
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,266
You know, they say
I look just like
him.
512
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,000
They lied.
513
00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:40,333
You know, these
are just
delicious.
514
00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:42,183
You like, huh?
515
00:21:42,216 --> 00:21:45,350
Marshmallow Rice Krispy treats,
always a big hit.
516
00:21:45,383 --> 00:21:47,400
Mm. You must give me the recipe
for Cook.
517
00:21:47,433 --> 00:21:50,166
Honey, buy the cereal.
It's right on the side panel.
518
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,316
What, you're gonna make me
write it down?
519
00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:56,150
Maxwell,
this woman is a
gem.
520
00:21:56,183 --> 00:22:00,160
Oh, Maureen, enough!
521
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,350
Fran tells me
you're
mounting
522
00:22:01,383 --> 00:22:03,500
a new musical.
523
00:22:03,830 --> 00:22:04,266
I want in.
524
00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:06,383
You think that you have room
for one more investor?
525
00:22:06,416 --> 00:22:09,000
For Mrs. Wentworth, anything,
526
00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:11,250
and I'm certain this
one's
gonna be a monster hit.
527
00:22:11,283 --> 00:22:14,830
I know. The
fortune-teller
told me.
528
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,183
I tell you
for the hundredth time.
529
00:22:17,216 --> 00:22:18,466
I see no tall, dark,
handsome--
530
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,416
nothing
in your future!
531
00:22:26,116 --> 00:22:28,500
This is a great
party,
Maggie.
532
00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:29,383
I hate to go home.
533
00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:32,333
What do you say
I give you a ride in the limo?
534
00:22:32,366 --> 00:22:34,450
Just me and you in the backseat?
535
00:22:36,283 --> 00:22:37,433
Okay.
536
00:22:39,660 --> 00:22:40,133
Oh, God!
537
00:22:43,416 --> 00:22:45,400
Fran?
Thanks for everything.
538
00:22:45,433 --> 00:22:47,383
Oh, angel.
539
00:22:48,283 --> 00:22:49,383
Hmm?
540
00:22:49,416 --> 00:22:52,330
I never doubted you
for a minute.
541
00:22:52,660 --> 00:22:53,400
I want you to pick first
from the grab bag.
542
00:22:53,433 --> 00:22:57,150
Me? Oh, I wasn't gonna pick.
543
00:22:57,183 --> 00:22:59,330
All right.
544
00:23:00,366 --> 00:23:03,283
Oh, I wonder what this could be.
545
00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:07,830
[MUSIC PLAYING]
546
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,330
[♪♪♪]