1
00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:03,316
Come here, mouse.
2
00:00:03,350 --> 00:00:04,416
Come here, little mouse.
3
00:00:04,450 --> 00:00:07,000
Here, little
mousey-wousey.
4
00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:08,300
Nothing to be afraid of.
5
00:00:08,333 --> 00:00:10,366
We just want
to put you
outside.
6
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,366
And then...
we're going to kill you.
7
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,316
Niles, why are
you
being so macho?
8
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,183
It's really
unattractiv
e.
9
00:00:18,216 --> 00:00:20,116
Yet, somehow,
a turn-on.
10
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,450
Miss Fine,
need I point out to you
11
00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:24,000
that the inspectors
12
00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:25,350
from the Professional
Butler Association
13
00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:27,483
are coming Monday
to observe my work
14
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,300
and decide whether
to accept me as a member?
15
00:00:30,333 --> 00:00:31,433
Oh, really?
16
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,000
I thought
you were
joking.
17
00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:35,830
It sounded so ridiculous.
18
00:00:35,116 --> 00:00:37,450
You know, in a
profound
and important way.
19
00:00:37,483 --> 00:00:41,160
I happen to come from
a long line of butlers,
20
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,830
each one a member.
21
00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:44,233
Until my father,
22
00:00:44,266 --> 00:00:46,160
butler to
the Duke of Carlisle,
23
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,483
accidentally
knocked over a vase.
24
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,466
And for that
they kicked him
out?
25
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,416
He was wrestling naked
with the Duchess at the time.
26
00:00:54,483 --> 00:00:59,500
Well, to each his own,
unless Duchess was a sheepdog.
27
00:01:01,830 --> 00:01:02,416
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
28
00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:04,366
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
29
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,133
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
30
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,383
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
31
00:01:07,416 --> 00:01:09,133
♪♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪♪
32
00:01:09,166 --> 00:01:10,433
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
33
00:01:10,466 --> 00:01:13,366
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
34
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,183
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
35
00:01:15,216 --> 00:01:16,483
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
36
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,116
♪♪ She was there to sell
makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
37
00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:20,300
♪♪ She had style,
she had flair ♪♪
38
00:01:20,333 --> 00:01:22,330
♪♪ She was there ♪♪
39
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:24,366
♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪
40
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,333
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described
♪♪
41
00:01:27,366 --> 00:01:30,660
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
♪♪
42
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:31,300
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
43
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,000
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
44
00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:34,216
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
45
00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,283
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
46
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:36,483
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
47
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,450
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
48
00:01:41,830 --> 00:01:43,183
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
49
00:01:43,216 --> 00:01:45,166
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
50
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,466
All right,
children,
time to go.
51
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:50,450
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
52
00:01:50,483 --> 00:01:52,233
You're not going
to the museum
53
00:01:52,266 --> 00:01:54,830
in those boots,
are you?
54
00:01:54,116 --> 00:01:55,416
My wellies? Yes.
55
00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:56,483
There's a chance
of rain.
56
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,366
There's a chance
I'll fall off the chair,
57
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,830
but you don't see me
wearing a seatbelt.
58
00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:03,416
Your point?
59
00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:05,200
What happened?
60
00:02:05,233 --> 00:02:07,100
You're normally soGQ.
61
00:02:07,133 --> 00:02:09,316
Now, suddenly, you're
the Gordon's Fisherman?
62
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:11,233
Miss Fine,
63
00:02:11,266 --> 00:02:12,466
I didn't hire you
as my fashion
consultant.
64
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,316
I hired you to take
care
of the children.
65
00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:15,333
Well, it's my day off.
66
00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:18,160
I fashion consult
on the side.
67
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,283
Your son was just elected
class president.
68
00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:22,483
Don't be an embarrassment to him
on his first day.
69
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,233
Who are you, Billy Carter?
70
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,316
Ah, here he is.
71
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:27,483
Hail to the chief.
72
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,660
Thank you, thank you.
I am a crook.
73
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,450
I still can't
believe
he got elected.
74
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:34,160
Why?
75
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:35,333
Well, that means someone
had to vote for you.
76
00:02:35,366 --> 00:02:38,000
Now, Maggie, you should be
proud of your brother.
77
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:39,433
He worked very hard
on his campaign.
78
00:02:39,466 --> 00:02:41,100
You wrote his speeches,
79
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,366
came up
with his campaign platform,
80
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,216
and organized
his school bus tour.
81
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,383
He's my Hillary.
82
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:48,483
Well, it all paid off.
83
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,216
Aren't you glad
I talked you into running?
84
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:53,660
Mm-hmm.
Now you're a winner,
like your old man.
85
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,266
Did I tell you I was
president
of my house at Eton?
86
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,350
ALL: Yes!
87
00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:58,330
Well, I was.
88
00:02:58,660 --> 00:03:01,366
But this is your victory,
and we're all very proud of
you.
89
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,450
President Sheffield.
90
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:06,450
He's a man of vision
and a leader amongst men.
91
00:03:06,483 --> 00:03:07,466
Thank you.
92
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,500
Now, zip your fly.
93
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:12,433
So, now we're off to celebrate
Brighton's achievement
94
00:03:12,466 --> 00:03:15,160
by taking in the German
Expressionist show at the Met.
95
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,150
There's a fine line
96
00:03:16,183 --> 00:03:18,483
between reward and punishment
in this house.
97
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:22,483
I love Edvard Munch's
painting
The Scream.
98
00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:27,283
So, Fran, what are you
doing on your day off?
99
00:03:27,316 --> 00:03:29,660
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm not doing.
100
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,150
I am not having lunch
101
00:03:30,183 --> 00:03:32,100
with my Uncle Jack
and Cousin Marsha,
102
00:03:32,133 --> 00:03:33,483
who are visiting from Boca.
103
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,233
Believe me, an afternoon
with Jack and Marsha--
104
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:37,400
Well, don't ask.
105
00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:38,483
I don't think I did.
106
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,233
Jack was always trying
to one-up my mother.
107
00:03:41,266 --> 00:03:44,183
We bought a Skylark.
He bought an El Dorado.
108
00:03:44,216 --> 00:03:46,433
We moved to Flushing.
He moved to Florida.
109
00:03:46,466 --> 00:03:48,300
I'm telling you,
she could never win--
110
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:49,450
Oh, yeah, once.
111
00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:51,433
She grew a mustache before him.
112
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,183
Go, go.
Have a good time.
113
00:03:55,216 --> 00:03:56,200
All right everybody. Come on.
114
00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:57,400
I'll see you later.
Goodbye Fran.
115
00:03:58,266 --> 00:04:00,000
Oh, has Mr. Sheffield gone?
116
00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:01,330
Yeah, they just left,
117
00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:03,350
and, boy, could
they
talk your ear off.
118
00:04:03,383 --> 00:04:06,433
That's too bad.
Lauren Bacall just sent over
some Beluga caviar.
119
00:04:06,466 --> 00:04:09,116
Oh, caviar.
120
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:10,333
For Mr. Sheffield.
121
00:04:10,366 --> 00:04:12,133
Oh, yeah, of course.
122
00:04:13,350 --> 00:04:16,500
You make the
toast.
I'll write
the thank-you.
123
00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:23,466
[DOORBELL RINGS]
124
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,350
Come here, little fish egg.
125
00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,116
Come to mama.
126
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:32,400
Oh.
127
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:34,216
Hi, Ma.
128
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:35,366
Hi, darling.
129
00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,183
What are you
doing here?
130
00:04:38,216 --> 00:04:40,250
I got to tell you
about my lunch
with Jack and Marsha.
131
00:04:40,283 --> 00:04:42,283
And I was having
such a nice day.
132
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,233
So we're sitting,
we're eating.
133
00:04:44,266 --> 00:04:48,166
and as usual, Jack is going
on and on about Marsha--
134
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,116
Marsha
and her doctor husband,
135
00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:53,000
Marsha and her four-carat
solitaire,
136
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:55,200
Marsha and her beachfront
property
137
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:57,216
right next to Dan Marino.
138
00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:58,416
Who the hell is Dan Marino?
139
00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,333
How the hell should I know?
140
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,133
Anyway, I was just
about to scream
141
00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:04,366
when they asked me
about you.
142
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,350
So I told them
that you eloped
143
00:05:06,383 --> 00:05:08,383
with a rich Broadway producer,
144
00:05:08,416 --> 00:05:12,160
and you're living in a
palace
on the Upper East Side.
145
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,166
Oh, Ma, what's
the matter with
you?
146
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,183
What?
147
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,500
You left out the butler.
148
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,366
Meanwhile, how'd they take
the good news? Crushed?
149
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,450
Devastated.
150
00:05:23,483 --> 00:05:25,830
Better.
151
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,660
You should have seen the look
on their face.
152
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,266
I would have liked to.
153
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:29,466
You will.
154
00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:33,660
Oh, no.
155
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,316
No way, Ma.
Where are they?
156
00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:37,383
Looking for
a place to park.
157
00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:39,266
[DOORBELL RINGS]
158
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,450
Oh, good. They found one.
159
00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:46,830
Oh, forget it, Ma.
I'm not doing this.
160
00:05:46,116 --> 00:05:48,250
Fine.
That's your
choice.
161
00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:49,466
It's good
to have
choices.
162
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,300
Not that
I had a
choice
163
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,250
when I was in
labor
with you
164
00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:55,200
for 10 hours...
165
00:05:56,433 --> 00:05:58,450
With that big head.
166
00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:03,316
Sorry.
It won't happen again.
167
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:06,283
Darling, do it for me.
168
00:06:06,316 --> 00:06:09,116
It'll shut Jack up
once and for all.
169
00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:11,333
Oh, Ma, is it really
so important to you
170
00:06:11,366 --> 00:06:14,133
that I have to pretend to
be
something I'm not?
171
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,183
Would you?
172
00:06:15,216 --> 00:06:16,416
No!
173
00:06:17,183 --> 00:06:18,316
Hi!
174
00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:20,133
So you caught a husband!
175
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:22,316
Thank God you're not
an old maid anymore.
176
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,333
Welcome to my home!
177
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,116
Huh, Jack, huh?
178
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,400
Is this a palace?
179
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:33,433
She's living
like Siegfried and
Roy.
180
00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:35,366
Not bad.
181
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,160
How many square feet?
182
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,350
Oh, we don't get into all that.
183
00:06:38,383 --> 00:06:41,316
As long as we're
comfortable,
that's all that matters.
184
00:06:41,350 --> 00:06:43,150
Your place is what, darling?
185
00:06:43,183 --> 00:06:44,166
3,800.
186
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,830
Ours is 38,000.
187
00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:49,233
The upstairs is enormous.
188
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:51,366
I'd put out a spread,
189
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:54,266
but, um,
the butler is off today.
190
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,000
The butler, Jack.
191
00:06:56,330 --> 00:06:57,450
Yeah, I heard, Syl.
192
00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:00,266
Well, this has
just been
fabulous,
193
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,483
but, you know, if you
guys
missed your flight,
194
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,266
I'd just never forgive myself.
195
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,183
Fran, you don't think
we'd go home
196
00:07:06,216 --> 00:07:08,183
before we met the lucky man.
197
00:07:08,216 --> 00:07:11,150
You mean you want
to meet Mr. Sheffield?
198
00:07:11,183 --> 00:07:13,350
You call your
husband
Mr. Sheffield?
199
00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:15,433
Oh, well,
that's just a pet
name,
200
00:07:15,466 --> 00:07:17,383
you know... Shef, Sheffie.
201
00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:19,100
Chef Boy-ar-dee.
202
00:07:22,116 --> 00:07:24,416
Ma, stay out
of my private
life.
203
00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:26,483
Anyway, unfortunately,
204
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,450
Maxwell
is at a
rehearsal.
205
00:07:28,483 --> 00:07:31,466
He's rehearsing
"Sunday In The Park
With George",
206
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,433
so he won't be home till Monday.
207
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,166
Ma, is there oxygen
on your planet?
208
00:07:40,366 --> 00:07:43,000
Aunt Sylvia,
you are such a
kidder.
209
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:44,183
We'll wait.
210
00:07:44,216 --> 00:07:47,266
You mean, you're just gonna
stay
here until he comes home?
211
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,216
We got full-fare
tickets,
no restrictions.
212
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,466
We can stay forever.
213
00:07:52,466 --> 00:07:55,830
I'm just going to run
down to the bank.
214
00:07:58,150 --> 00:08:00,183
Honey, you're home!
215
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,416
Beg your pardon?
216
00:08:02,450 --> 00:08:04,450
The rehearsal went quick, huh?
217
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,100
These are my relatives
from Boca.
218
00:08:08,316 --> 00:08:10,483
FRAN: Oh,
Sheffie,
stop it!
219
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,450
He is so naughty.
220
00:08:12,483 --> 00:08:15,160
You're Mr. Sheffield,
I'm your wife,
221
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,383
and we're deliriously happy.
222
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:23,316
Ahem. This is a big favor
you're asking.
223
00:08:23,350 --> 00:08:25,660
So was keeping my mouth shut
224
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,100
about the crack
in the Ming vase.
225
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,250
Maxwell Sheffield, producer.
226
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,416
Jack Norman, realtor.
227
00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:34,830
How do you do?
I'm Marsha.
So nice to meet you.
228
00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:35,400
Likewise,
and you are?
229
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:36,450
Your mother-in-law.
230
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:39,216
Oh, right! Ha,
ha,
ha! Of course!
231
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,216
I was drunk at the wedding.
232
00:08:43,466 --> 00:08:45,350
How are you, Mumsy?
233
00:08:47,316 --> 00:08:49,660
So, Max...
234
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,433
Max!
Oh, that's me.
235
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:55,166
I take it
business
is very good?
236
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,200
Oh, yes, too good.
237
00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:58,830
Yes, I curse every moment
238
00:08:58,116 --> 00:09:00,116
I'm away
from my beautiful
bride.
239
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:01,416
Oh, Shef.
240
00:09:04,150 --> 00:09:06,150
Of course, I hobnob
with the rich and famous,
241
00:09:06,183 --> 00:09:08,000
but the only time
I'm truly happy
242
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,116
is when I'm with her.
243
00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:12,416
She's my center, my
compass,
the light of my life.
244
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:17,333
Sorry. Sometimes
I just get swept up in the
magic that is Fran.
245
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,250
Well, who could blame you?
246
00:09:22,316 --> 00:09:24,283
So, where are your kids?
247
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,116
I want
to meet your
kids.
248
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,200
Or should I
say
his kids,
249
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:30,316
because, you know, they're
not
the fruit of your womb.
250
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:33,216
Yeah, that's why this womb
could still wear a bikini.
251
00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,400
Unfortunately,
252
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:40,266
the children,
who adore my sweet Fran,
253
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,466
went to the museum.
254
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,233
They're very cultured.
255
00:09:45,316 --> 00:09:47,200
They're off
by themselves?
256
00:09:47,233 --> 00:09:48,366
In this city?
257
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,366
Marsha, please.
258
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,483
What kind of a mother
do you think I am?
259
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,416
They're with, um...
260
00:09:54,450 --> 00:09:55,483
Who are they with?
261
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,333
Niles, the butler.
262
00:09:57,366 --> 00:09:59,500
I thought it was his day off.
263
00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:01,250
It is,
but it's,
uh,
264
00:10:01,283 --> 00:10:03,830
what do they
call it
again?
265
00:10:03,116 --> 00:10:04,333
I can't wait to hear.
266
00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:09,830
Uh... Butler
Day
at the museum.
267
00:10:09,316 --> 00:10:10,400
Butler Day?
268
00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:13,100
Sure. Bring a butler,
get a free beverage.
269
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:14,350
[DOORBELL RINGS]
270
00:10:14,383 --> 00:10:15,400
Ah.
271
00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:18,150
Oh, please, babe,
you always get the
door.
272
00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:21,500
Let me wait on you for a change.
273
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:22,316
Oh...
274
00:10:24,483 --> 00:10:25,466
Who are you?
275
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,150
Sorry to disturb you, ma'am.
276
00:10:27,183 --> 00:10:29,266
We're from the Professional
Butlers' Association.
277
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,433
We're here
to observe
Niles.
278
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,200
May we come in?
279
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,330
In here? Now? Oy.
280
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:38,433
I thought you guys
weren't supposed
to be here till Monday.
281
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,300
But it's our policy
to show up early
282
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:43,383
to catch the prospective member
unawares.
283
00:10:43,416 --> 00:10:46,216
But,
unfortunately,
Niles isn't here,
284
00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:47,350
is he, darling?
285
00:10:47,383 --> 00:10:50,316
Uh, no, darling.
I'm afraid Niles is out.
286
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,483
Well, y'all come
back
and see us, y'hear?
287
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,166
Actually, darling,
that might not be good.
288
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,283
If they came back
to observe Niles,
289
00:10:57,316 --> 00:11:00,166
they might confuse him
with someone else.
290
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,266
Oh, yeah!
291
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,150
Oh, what the hell. Come in.
292
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:07,660
We'll tell you
everything you need
to know about Niles.
293
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,116
I take it, sir,
294
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:10,160
you are the
master
of the house?
295
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,300
Apparently.
296
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,233
These guys are from
the Butlers'
Association,
297
00:11:15,266 --> 00:11:17,330
and they want
to talk to
me...
298
00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:18,316
and him... Max,
299
00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:21,330
about our butler,
Niles,
who isn't here.
300
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:22,233
Ma, you got a Rolaids?
301
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,366
Are you
fellows
also butlers?
302
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,160
Yes, we are.
303
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,466
Well, I'm surprised
you're not at the
museum.
304
00:11:33,383 --> 00:11:35,150
You're not
gonna believe
this.
305
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,483
They closed the museum
because of a bomb threat.
306
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,466
Huh, What kind of a world
are we living in?
307
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,116
Here.
308
00:11:46,660 --> 00:11:48,233
And who is this person?
309
00:11:49,266 --> 00:11:53,233
That would be...
Niles, the butler.
310
00:12:01,366 --> 00:12:03,333
I leave this
house
for just 20
minutes,
311
00:12:03,366 --> 00:12:04,383
and I come back
312
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:07,350
to some bizarre
parallel universe.
313
00:12:07,383 --> 00:12:09,150
You're me, I'm you,
314
00:12:09,183 --> 00:12:11,660
and you're married
to her.
315
00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:13,183
He could do worse.
316
00:12:13,216 --> 00:12:14,383
And I have.
317
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,383
Please, sir, I would be
the last to coerce you--
318
00:12:17,416 --> 00:12:19,160
Coerce, coerce.
319
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,160
I would point out
that if Miss Fine's relations
320
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,133
see through
our little charade,
321
00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:23,383
they'll never let her
forget it,
322
00:12:23,416 --> 00:12:25,250
or her poor mother.
323
00:12:25,283 --> 00:12:27,283
And if you don't do this
for Niles,
324
00:12:27,316 --> 00:12:30,830
he'll never get into
the Butlers' Association,
325
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:32,450
and his family name
will be mud forever.
326
00:12:32,483 --> 00:12:35,350
By the way, Niles,
what is your family name?
327
00:12:35,383 --> 00:12:38,383
It's just
Niles...
Like Cher.
328
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,350
The important thing is,
your employees are bonding.
329
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,830
It's a beautiful thing.
330
00:12:45,116 --> 00:12:46,133
Yes.
331
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,000
Perhaps you'll get
your next job together.
332
00:12:49,330 --> 00:12:51,133
Father, I think we should
go along with it.
333
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:52,450
Fran and Niles
do so much for us.
334
00:12:52,483 --> 00:12:54,266
It's the least
we can do for them.
335
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,366
Oh, how sweet.
336
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,183
And I get to
boss Daddy around.
337
00:12:59,483 --> 00:13:01,116
It's absurd.
338
00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:03,100
I'm not doing it,
and that's final.
339
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:05,216
Speaking as an elected official,
340
00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:07,433
what we have here
is domestic gridlock.
341
00:13:07,466 --> 00:13:10,116
[AS GEORGE BUSH] A failure
of the Executive Branch
342
00:13:10,150 --> 00:13:12,483
and the House to work together.
343
00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:19,333
I still can't believe
someone voted for you.
344
00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:21,433
No, no.
345
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:23,150
Brighton's thinking
is good,
346
00:13:23,183 --> 00:13:25,283
his point being
that what we need here
347
00:13:25,316 --> 00:13:27,133
is a compromise.
348
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:30,400
Meaning I do what you want,
and compromise my integrity.
349
00:13:30,433 --> 00:13:32,433
That's democracy
in action.
350
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,160
All in favor?
ALL: Aye!
351
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,333
Look, if you can pull off
this charade, fine,
352
00:13:38,366 --> 00:13:40,160
but I'll have
no part in it,
353
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:41,150
and neither
will the
children.
354
00:13:41,183 --> 00:13:43,166
So you're saying
we have no rights.
355
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,200
None whatsoever.
356
00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:45,300
Just checking.
357
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:49,466
I am so parched.
358
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,216
You got something
to drink?
359
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,466
Niles.
360
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,330
Sorry. You got something
to drink, Niles?
361
00:13:57,433 --> 00:13:59,100
Uh, where's he going?
362
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:01,660
I believe
somebody asked for a drink.
363
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,466
Uh, there are
drinks
in the kitchen.
364
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,830
Please help yourselves.
365
00:14:04,116 --> 00:14:05,216
Such insolence.
366
00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:07,116
How can you
put up with it?
367
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:10,316
Well, we've been
together
for many years.
368
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,466
Many, many years.
369
00:14:14,283 --> 00:14:16,316
It's a question
of loyalty.
370
00:14:16,350 --> 00:14:18,216
And friendship.
371
00:14:20,830 --> 00:14:21,483
You can't really
blame the butler.
372
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,283
After all,
the help reflects
the hostess,
373
00:14:24,316 --> 00:14:25,316
and let's face it,
374
00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:28,116
poor Franny here
is in way over her head.
375
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,466
Will that be crushed
ice
or cubes, sir?
376
00:14:38,383 --> 00:14:42,660
All right, Dad--
ee-o...
my butler,
377
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,150
with whom I have
a cool, kinda hepcat,
378
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,283
kinda beatnik--
379
00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:46,350
Shut up, Brighton.
380
00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:48,116
Thank you.
381
00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:49,383
Ahem.
382
00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:51,316
I apologize
for a momentary
lapse.
383
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,116
The bomb scare must have
rattled my nerves.
384
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:55,466
Yeah, he's been a wreck
ever since
385
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,216
all that unpleasantness
in the Falklands.
386
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,500
Ah, you saw action too.
What ship were you on?
387
00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:02,416
The other one.
388
00:15:05,133 --> 00:15:07,250
Oh, Niles...
The butler?
389
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:09,100
Yes, Grace?
390
00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:10,200
I love this.
391
00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:13,150
While you're at it,
how about some ice cream?
392
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:14,416
Will there be anything else?
393
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:16,183
Can I have a soda?
394
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,150
We can have anything we want.
395
00:15:18,183 --> 00:15:20,316
He's Niles, the butler.
396
00:15:22,416 --> 00:15:24,350
Oh, Niles, do you
know
what I'm thinking?
397
00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:25,350
What, Brighton?
398
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,183
That's Master Brighton.
399
00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:31,333
I'll be having my ice cream
in the soda,
400
00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:33,316
and a round of Oreos
for my friends.
401
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,450
I don't think your father
402
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,133
would approve
of all these sweets
403
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:37,116
in the middle of the day.
404
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:38,283
Well, that's not really
your call,
405
00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,466
is it, Niles, old man?
406
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:45,166
Can we, Daddy, please?
407
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,333
Oh, just this once.
408
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,300
You're the coolest, Dad.
409
00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:53,830
She never says that to me.
410
00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:55,433
That's because
you're
Niles, the butler.
411
00:15:55,466 --> 00:15:57,150
Right.
412
00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:59,283
And a fabulous butler
he is.
413
00:15:59,316 --> 00:16:01,400
We'll be the
judge
of that.
414
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:06,450
No pressure.
415
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:13,200
Are these darling children
or what?
416
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,350
Gorgeous.
417
00:16:14,383 --> 00:16:17,100
We're very proud
of Brighton.
418
00:16:17,133 --> 00:16:19,300
He was just elected
president of his class.
419
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,433
[AS RONALD REAGAN]
Aw, shucks, Mommy.
420
00:16:20,466 --> 00:16:22,100
There you go again.
421
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,266
How impressive.
422
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:28,283
You should see
my Libby.
423
00:16:28,316 --> 00:16:31,350
Here she is at
the equestrian
center.
424
00:16:31,383 --> 00:16:34,250
Oh, beautiful smile.
425
00:16:34,283 --> 00:16:35,483
That's Lightning.
426
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,183
That's Libby.
427
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,660
Oh, look. She's got your
nose.
The old one.
428
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:49,100
Oh, Niles,
back again so soon?
429
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,160
Speedy
service,
as always.
430
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:54,160
Thank you sir.
All part of being a good
butler.
431
00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:02,283
Oh, he is just a master
at physical comedy.
432
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,216
Yes. Enough, Niles.
You're killing me.
433
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,160
[DOORBELL RINGS]
434
00:17:09,283 --> 00:17:11,500
Would you like me to get it?
435
00:17:11,316 --> 00:17:13,100
Oh! No.
436
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:16,316
I'm the butler.
I'll get it.
437
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,100
What now?
438
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:24,133
It's probably for you.
Everyone I know is
here.
439
00:17:24,166 --> 00:17:25,216
Hey, Brighton.
440
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,266
Dettman, hi. What are you
doing here?
441
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,483
I came here to invite you
to the inaugural party.
442
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,283
Great! Thanks! Bye.
443
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:33,466
Hear that, Marsha?
444
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,483
They're throwing a
party
for the president.
445
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,450
Yeah, Brighton,
I wanted you to be
there,
446
00:17:37,483 --> 00:17:39,250
even though
I slaughtered you.
447
00:17:39,283 --> 00:17:40,350
MAXWELL: What?
448
00:17:40,383 --> 00:17:42,330
Brighton,
what's going on
here?
449
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:43,330
Forget it. It's nothing.
450
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:44,116
No, no, no.
451
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,316
I want to know what
this is all about.
452
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:48,000
This butler
is a real butt-in-ski.
453
00:17:49,183 --> 00:17:51,330
I lost the election, okay?
454
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:53,133
You lost?
455
00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:56,150
Brighton?
456
00:17:56,183 --> 00:17:58,383
I knew no one
would vote for
him.
457
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,483
Brighton, I just
don't understand.
458
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,200
Why would you say
you won if you
lost?
459
00:18:07,233 --> 00:18:09,200
It seemed really
important to you.
460
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:11,100
Maybe it was
all that talk
461
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,500
about you being
president at Eton.
462
00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:15,283
I just mentioned
it
in passing.
463
00:18:15,316 --> 00:18:18,400
Well, 15 or 20 times.
464
00:18:18,433 --> 00:18:21,450
I just wanted you to think
I was a winner, like you.
465
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,830
Angel, nobody wins
all the time.
466
00:18:25,116 --> 00:18:26,316
For every hit
your father has,
467
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:28,383
he's had a ton of flops,
am I right?
468
00:18:28,416 --> 00:18:29,366
Well, I suppose--
469
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,160
How many flops
have you had?
470
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,330
I really couldn't say.
471
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:33,830
Well, a ballpark.
How many flops?
472
00:18:33,116 --> 00:18:34,383
I think
he's got the
point.
473
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,300
You know what
I'm getting at, Angel?
474
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,233
Yeah.
We're all a bunch of
losers.
475
00:18:39,266 --> 00:18:42,133
No. Nobody's a loser.
476
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:43,200
Except
my cousin Ira,
477
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,283
but that's
another story.
478
00:18:45,316 --> 00:18:47,330
You're a good man,
Brighton.
479
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,166
Whatever happens,
you can always
tell me the truth.
480
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,450
Really?
Well, of course.
481
00:18:50,483 --> 00:18:52,216
I mean, what kind of
parent
would want his child
482
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:54,233
to pretend he's
something he's
not?
483
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,150
My mother.
484
00:18:58,233 --> 00:18:59,383
Excuse me.
485
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,316
Oh, sure.
They got
their own Lear Jet.
486
00:19:05,350 --> 00:19:07,266
They flew me
to Pennsylvania
487
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,330
for a Hershey.
488
00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:12,330
Well, I'm lucky
if she drives me
489
00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:13,133
to the dog track.
490
00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:16,100
Okay, Ma,
enough with the charade.
491
00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:17,266
Eighty-six it.
492
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,383
I got them
eating
out of my hand.
493
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:22,000
Give it up, Ma. It's over.
494
00:19:22,330 --> 00:19:24,433
God, you were just like this
with Perot.
495
00:19:26,483 --> 00:19:29,350
From now on,
we're telling the truth.
496
00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:30,416
I'm not married,
497
00:19:30,450 --> 00:19:32,466
this is not
my house,
498
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,100
and I'm the nanny here.
499
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,250
And I work for Mister--
500
00:19:36,283 --> 00:19:38,830
Mm, mm, mm...
Sheffield.
501
00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:42,266
You're a nanny?
502
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,330
Did you hear this, Daddy?
503
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:45,433
She's just a nanny!
504
00:19:45,466 --> 00:19:49,500
Who asked you anyway,
you big green cow?
505
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:54,160
Maggie.
506
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:55,100
What?
507
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:57,500
It's turquoise.
508
00:20:01,383 --> 00:20:04,300
If I may speak
as just the butler,
509
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,483
I was here
before Miss Fine's arrival,
510
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:07,483
and I can tell you,
511
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,500
she has
made this house
512
00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:13,316
more... chaotic,
more contentious...
513
00:20:13,350 --> 00:20:15,330
definitely louder.
514
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:17,333
Now, she
and Mr. Sheffield
515
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,450
may not always
see eye-to-eye,
516
00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:22,166
but at the risk
of overstepping,
517
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,116
I don't think I've seen
him or the children
518
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:26,300
this happy
for a very long time.
519
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:30,233
Oh, thank
you,
Mister...
Niles.
520
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:33,366
That was a very moving speech.
521
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,250
And totally
inappropriate.
522
00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:36,433
I'll decide
what's
inappropriate
523
00:20:36,466 --> 00:20:38,830
in my home.
524
00:20:38,116 --> 00:20:40,500
I like a bit of
sentiment
among the servants.
525
00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:42,266
Did you hear
that,
Daddy? Servant.
526
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:45,116
Yeah.
That must really
hurt, Syl.
527
00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:46,450
Oh, shut up, Jack.
528
00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:48,483
At least
she's got a
job.
529
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,830
I wouldn't
trade
my Fran
530
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,400
for all the
Marshas
in Miami.
531
00:20:53,433 --> 00:20:56,466
Now, go get the car.
I'll meet you out front.
532
00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:02,000
It's not
turquoise.
It's emerald.
533
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,416
Well... This has been
a most unusual visit.
534
00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:10,330
But, despite the charade
being played all around you,
535
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,116
you managed
to maintain
your dignity.
536
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:13,283
Niles, we'd
like
to welcome you
537
00:21:13,316 --> 00:21:15,300
to the
Professional
Butlers'
Association.
538
00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:16,483
I don't know
what to say.
539
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,416
I'm... really
rather
touched.
540
00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:20,316
[DOORBELL RINGS]
541
00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:22,283
Oh, I'll get it.
542
00:21:27,250 --> 00:21:28,300
Good afternoon, all.
543
00:21:28,333 --> 00:21:29,350
Oy.
544
00:21:29,383 --> 00:21:31,216
I just had
a fabulous
conversation
545
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,350
with our investors,
546
00:21:32,383 --> 00:21:35,166
and I think I secured
the St. James Theater
547
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,350
for January.
548
00:21:36,383 --> 00:21:38,216
That's wonderful!
549
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:41,000
Uh, did you hear
that,
Mr. Sheffield?
550
00:21:41,330 --> 00:21:44,183
Yes, I heard,
and I'm very excited.
551
00:21:44,216 --> 00:21:46,316
Niles, Maxwell,
what's going on here?
552
00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:47,433
He's Niles?
553
00:21:47,466 --> 00:21:49,000
He's Mr. Sheffield?
554
00:21:49,330 --> 00:21:50,183
Who are they?
555
00:21:50,216 --> 00:21:52,400
We're from the Professional
Butlers' Association,
556
00:21:52,433 --> 00:21:55,100
and it seems we've been duped.
557
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,333
Hold it
a second, boys.
558
00:21:58,366 --> 00:22:00,266
I'd like to know
when the last time
559
00:22:00,300 --> 00:22:03,330
you've seen a boss
go to such lengths
560
00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:04,166
for his butler
561
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,233
and make such a complete
and utter fool of himself.
562
00:22:07,266 --> 00:22:09,266
Not that
you weren't adorable.
563
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,350
The nanny has a point.
564
00:22:12,383 --> 00:22:15,233
Yes, and we do
need the dues.
565
00:22:19,116 --> 00:22:20,660
You're in!
566
00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:21,166
Oh!
567
00:22:23,183 --> 00:22:24,433
We'll show ourselves out.
568
00:22:24,466 --> 00:22:27,500
We're butlers.
We know
where the door is.
569
00:22:29,366 --> 00:22:32,000
Oh, I feel
totally
cleansed.
570
00:22:32,330 --> 00:22:33,333
Everything
is out in the open.
571
00:22:33,366 --> 00:22:35,433
No more secrets.
572
00:22:35,466 --> 00:22:39,000
Incidentally, Max,
I ran into Lauren Bacall
at the theater,
573
00:22:39,330 --> 00:22:41,316
and she wanted to know
if you got the caviar she
sent.
574
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:47,250
[♪♪♪]
575
00:22:53,466 --> 00:22:56,330
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]