1
00:00:03,383 --> 00:00:05,483
Niles, this steak
is a little tough.
2
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,183
So is life...
3
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:10,283
and then you die.
4
00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:14,433
Okay, what
do you
think?
5
00:00:14,466 --> 00:00:17,160
This one
itches,
but I look
taller.
6
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:20,660
This one
pinches,
but I look
thinner.
7
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,166
Have you ever considered
8
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,166
choosing a wardrobe
based on comfort?
9
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,250
No.
10
00:00:25,283 --> 00:00:27,330
Once you start dressing
for comfort,
11
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:29,330
the next thing you know,
you're on line
at Pathmark,
12
00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:31,333
wearing orthopedic shoes,
buying Nair.
13
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,216
It is just
a P.T.A.
meeting.
14
00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:37,183
Yeah, well, meanwhile
some of those P's and
T's
15
00:00:37,216 --> 00:00:40,283
could be lonely he's.
16
00:00:40,316 --> 00:00:42,283
You've certainly
got the A for it.
17
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:47,330
Meanwhile, I don't want
to embarrass Gracie.
18
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:48,333
You could never embarrass me.
19
00:00:48,366 --> 00:00:50,150
Oh...
20
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,116
Except that time
at the playground
21
00:00:52,150 --> 00:00:55,250
you screamed at Bobby Mitchell
for hogging a swing.
22
00:00:55,283 --> 00:00:58,383
Well, it was my turn.
23
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,500
What do you think, Mags?
24
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:01,216
Go with the black.
25
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,450
Smaller price tags are
easier to hide,
26
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:04,200
and you can still return it.
27
00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:06,300
Very good!
28
00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:10,500
At this age,
they're like a sponge.
29
00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:13,300
She's got almost
as much
personality.
30
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,233
Oh, look.
31
00:01:15,266 --> 00:01:19,350
The P.T.A. is planning
their big pageant.
32
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:21,383
Isn't that
right up your alley?
33
00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:23,660
I produce
plays
for a living.
34
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:25,300
Why on earth would I want
to
do that in my spare time?
35
00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:27,133
Well, because Grace
is going to be in it.
36
00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:28,250
She is?
37
00:01:28,283 --> 00:01:29,283
I am?
38
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:30,333
You are.
39
00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:33,830
Come on. It'll be fun.
40
00:01:33,116 --> 00:01:35,150
You'll get to play with all
the other children,
41
00:01:35,183 --> 00:01:37,116
wear makeup, costumes...
42
00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,500
Besides, it's a great way
to get guys.
43
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:42,166
What do I do with them
when I get them?
44
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,500
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves.
45
00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:46,333
Grace performing in public?
46
00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:47,366
Yeah, what's the matter?
47
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,416
Well, for one thing,
48
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,160
she's in therapy twice a week
49
00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:52,500
for being insecure
and introverted.
50
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:53,383
So is Barbra Streisand,
51
00:01:53,416 --> 00:01:56,233
but meanwhile, she's
getting
a thousand bucks a ticket,
52
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,100
and that's without a beverage.
53
00:01:58,133 --> 00:01:59,366
Liza, we got prime rib.
54
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:06,433
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
55
00:02:06,466 --> 00:02:08,133
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
56
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:09,333
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
57
00:02:09,366 --> 00:02:11,116
♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
58
00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:13,350
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
59
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,350
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
60
00:02:15,383 --> 00:02:17,183
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
61
00:02:17,216 --> 00:02:18,333
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
62
00:02:18,366 --> 00:02:20,830
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup ♪♪
63
00:02:20,116 --> 00:02:21,366
♪♪ But the father saw more ♪♪
64
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,433
♪♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪♪
65
00:02:23,466 --> 00:02:27,133
♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪
66
00:02:27,166 --> 00:02:29,400
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
67
00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:32,233
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
68
00:02:32,266 --> 00:02:33,483
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
69
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,216
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
70
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,466
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
71
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,330
♪♪ Such joie de vivre
She's the lady in red ♪♪
72
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,250
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
73
00:02:42,283 --> 00:02:45,300
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
74
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,000
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
75
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:02,183
Oh, I'm just wild about
this school.
76
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,316
Wasn't it sweet
77
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,133
the way they hung
all the arts and crafts
78
00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:06,266
out in the hall?
79
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:09,233
I tell you, that Pablo
is a very talented kid.
80
00:03:09,266 --> 00:03:11,366
Miss Fine,
that was a Picasso.
81
00:03:13,383 --> 00:03:16,160
An adult did those?
82
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,416
Eh.
83
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,200
Oh, don't look now,
84
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:23,316
but we are making
quite a stir.
85
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:26,350
Guess I wore
the right outfit.
86
00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:28,350
Miss Fine,
they're looking at
me.
87
00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:30,300
They think just because
I'm a Broadway producer
88
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,160
and I'm at this meeting,
89
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,133
they're gonna rope me
into staging the
pageant.
90
00:03:34,166 --> 00:03:35,433
Uh-oh. Here it comes.
91
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,116
Oh, boy.
92
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:42,433
I love your outfit. Everybody's
talking about it.
93
00:03:42,466 --> 00:03:44,400
Oh, thank you.
94
00:03:46,150 --> 00:03:49,383
Mr. Sheffield, what a surprise.
95
00:03:49,416 --> 00:03:51,300
I know how busy you are.
96
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,316
Night and
day,
like a dog,
97
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,400
but never too
busy
for his kids.
98
00:03:55,433 --> 00:03:57,483
And you are?
99
00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,283
This is our nanny,
Miss Fran Fine.
100
00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:01,216
This is
Miss Emma Trusdale,
101
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,500
Lexington's
headmistress.
102
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:06,150
Oh, head mistress, huh?
103
00:04:06,183 --> 00:04:07,466
Honey, you're
living
in a dream world.
104
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,150
No matter what they say,
105
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:10,466
they never
leave
their wives.
106
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,000
[CLEARS THROAT]
107
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,483
We're about to begin,
Mr. Sheffield.
108
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,183
Why don't you just have
a seat here
109
00:04:19,216 --> 00:04:21,366
on the front row next to me?
110
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,416
Hmm. Teacher's pet, huh?
111
00:04:24,450 --> 00:04:27,830
Attention, everyone.
112
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:29,660
In a wonderful coincidence,
113
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:33,233
we are here to discuss
this year's school pageant,
114
00:04:33,266 --> 00:04:35,250
and we have amongst us
115
00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:37,000
the esteemed
Broadway producer
116
00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:38,330
Maxwell Sheffield.
117
00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:39,266
I'm your greatest fan.
118
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,133
That shade of lipstick
looks great on your butt.
119
00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:51,500
Miss Fine, would you care
to share that with everyone?
120
00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:53,100
No, Miss Trusdale.
121
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,383
And now to the business at hand.
122
00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:01,333
We need a volunteer
123
00:05:01,366 --> 00:05:04,316
to serve as director
for this year's pageant,
124
00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:06,283
Mother Goose's Broadway.
125
00:05:06,316 --> 00:05:08,216
Here it comes.
126
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,166
Well, it wouldn't hurt
you
to get involved.
127
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,150
Perhaps Mr. Sheffield can?
128
00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:14,830
Suggest someone?
129
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:16,266
Oh, yes, I'd be delighted to.
130
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,000
I'd like to
suggest
Miss Fran Fine.
131
00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:20,450
Oh, me?
132
00:05:20,483 --> 00:05:22,830
Her?
133
00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:23,450
I don't know anything
about theater.
134
00:05:23,483 --> 00:05:25,830
Remarkably,
135
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,216
that's never stopped you
from doing anything.
136
00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,400
Well, I did play Hodel
137
00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:31,150
in the third-grade
production of
Fiddler.
138
00:05:31,183 --> 00:05:32,316
No, no, if Mr. Sheffield
is busy,
139
00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:34,150
I'm sure one
of the other parents
140
00:05:34,183 --> 00:05:37,100
is eager to volunteer
for this exciting challenge.
141
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:41,433
TheFlushing Observer
"Fran Fine was a standout
142
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:44,466
as Tevye's lost but heavily
made-up daughter."
143
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,133
Anyone at all,
just raise your hand.
144
00:05:52,383 --> 00:05:55,300
The time to raise your hand
would be now.
145
00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,830
How about you, Miss Fine?
146
00:06:00,116 --> 00:06:02,316
Oh, Miss Trusdale, I accept,
147
00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:04,250
and I just want to thank you all
148
00:06:04,283 --> 00:06:06,660
for your confidence in me.
149
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,233
I only hope I can live
up to your expec--
150
00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:09,450
[THUMPS]
Moving on!
151
00:06:09,483 --> 00:06:11,333
Tations.
152
00:06:17,266 --> 00:06:18,383
FRAN: Hey, hey, hey.
153
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:19,466
No running.
154
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,183
You can poke
somebody's eye out.
155
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,133
I just gave my first piece
of direction.
156
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:26,660
Hmm. And I was there.
157
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:27,450
Mommy, I'm hungry.
158
00:06:27,483 --> 00:06:30,830
You ate yesterday!
159
00:06:30,116 --> 00:06:32,333
Fat girls don't get leads.
160
00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:34,660
[GASPS]
161
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,300
Good God!
162
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,116
I just had
a horrible
flashback
163
00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:39,133
to thoseAnnie
2
auditions.
164
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:42,160
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. Oh.
165
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,200
Back!
166
00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,183
Back.
167
00:06:46,216 --> 00:06:47,466
Keep moving, Maxwell.
168
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,416
They're small, but they're
dangerous when they swarm.
169
00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:52,250
Okay, everybody.
170
00:06:52,283 --> 00:06:55,660
I want my dancing daisies
over here,
171
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,000
my singing mushrooms over there.
172
00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:59,416
Daisies, mushrooms.
173
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,183
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, you, you.
174
00:07:01,216 --> 00:07:03,316
You're not a flower.
You're a fungus.
175
00:07:05,266 --> 00:07:07,150
Miss Fine,
where's the sign-up sheet?
176
00:07:07,183 --> 00:07:08,333
The what?
177
00:07:08,366 --> 00:07:10,133
Well, you really ought
to have a sign-up sheet.
178
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:13,283
Oh, it isn't necessary.
This is just a kids' play.
179
00:07:13,316 --> 00:07:15,830
What do we do with our music?
180
00:07:15,116 --> 00:07:17,183
Oh, give it
to the accompanist.
181
00:07:17,216 --> 00:07:19,350
You do have
an accompanist.
182
00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,500
Oh, yes, yes.
Of course we do.
183
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:22,333
Uh, Maggie,
184
00:07:22,366 --> 00:07:24,366
get off the phone and go sit
at the piano.
Okay.
185
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,183
Hey, big guy.
186
00:07:28,216 --> 00:07:29,333
Excuse me?
187
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,660
I hear you're
close
to the director.
188
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,116
Fran? Oh, she works for us.
189
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:36,000
Gee, I'd do
anything
to play the lead,
190
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:38,233
and I do mean anything.
191
00:07:40,366 --> 00:07:42,116
Does your mother know
you're saying this?
192
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:45,116
Oh, yeah. She wrote
it
down for me. See?
193
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,166
And now I'm supposed
to kiss you!
194
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:52,450
Sing, Bernard.
195
00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:56,160
Sing, Bernard!
196
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,300
Sing!
197
00:07:58,333 --> 00:08:01,350
That's okay, Bernard.
198
00:08:01,383 --> 00:08:05,433
That's okay. We'll make you
a mushroom.
199
00:08:05,466 --> 00:08:07,100
Shiitake.
200
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:10,266
Okay, next we're going
to audition
201
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:12,330
for the first-grade number.
202
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,250
Now, this scene opens up
the whole pageant.
203
00:08:15,283 --> 00:08:17,200
Gracie, you're on.
204
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,316
[IN TIMID VOICE]
♪♪ The itsy-bitsy spider ♪♪
205
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:23,316
♪♪ Went up the water spout ♪♪
206
00:08:23,350 --> 00:08:25,300
Sing it, Gracie!
207
00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:27,483
[LOUDER]
♪♪ Down came the rain
And washed the spider out ♪♪
208
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,830
One more time.
209
00:08:29,116 --> 00:08:31,216
♪♪ Out came the sun ♪♪
210
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:34,500
♪♪ And dried up all the rain ♪♪
Bring it home!
211
00:08:34,830 --> 00:08:36,500
♪♪ And the itsy-bitsy spider ♪♪
212
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,160
♪♪ Went up the spout again ♪♪
213
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,333
Oh, wonderful,
wonderful, my darling!
214
00:08:41,366 --> 00:08:42,383
Wasn't she wonderful?
215
00:08:42,416 --> 00:08:44,150
Mm!
216
00:08:44,183 --> 00:08:45,300
WOMAN: We're next.
217
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:46,366
Oh.
218
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,300
Come on, dear.
219
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:51,466
Now stand right here,
sweetheart. Smile.
220
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,333
All right,
and one and two and three--
221
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:57,116
Tempo!
[PLAYS PIANO]
222
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:59,660
♪♪ Johnny could only
Sing one note ♪♪
223
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,250
♪♪ And the note
He sang was this ♪♪
224
00:09:01,283 --> 00:09:04,330
♪♪ Ah... ♪♪
225
00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:05,830
Thank you.
226
00:09:05,116 --> 00:09:06,300
[NOTE CONTINUES]
227
00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:07,433
Thank you!
228
00:09:07,466 --> 00:09:09,100
[NOTE CONTINUES]
229
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,500
[SCREAMS]
Thank you!
230
00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:17,383
Thank you.
That was very nice.
231
00:09:17,416 --> 00:09:19,830
Sit down, honey.
232
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:23,160
Well, I don't even think
there's a question, do you?
233
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,330
It's Gracie by a mile!
234
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:27,400
Miss Fine, how could you
possibly make that choice?
235
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,283
This other girl
was phenomenal!
236
00:09:29,316 --> 00:09:31,483
What do I care
about that little girl?
Am I her nanny?
237
00:09:33,116 --> 00:09:35,400
No, you're
the director. You're
supposed to cast actors
238
00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:37,366
according to talent,
not on who they know.
239
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,150
What show business
are you working in?
240
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:45,483
Besides, look
at Gracie.
241
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,300
She's already
so confident and outgoing.
242
00:09:48,333 --> 00:09:50,333
Have you ever
seen her so happy?
243
00:09:50,366 --> 00:09:52,283
Daddy, I got the part!
244
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,233
They like me.
They really like me.
245
00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:58,000
Aw.
246
00:09:58,330 --> 00:09:59,416
I suppose it was
the right choice.
247
00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:01,183
I'll work with her.
248
00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:02,383
Sure.
249
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:07,450
FRAN: And touch and step
and touch and step...
250
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:10,830
And turn, turn, turn,
251
00:10:10,116 --> 00:10:12,316
cross, and squat.
252
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,660
Very, very good.
253
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,283
Now, help Miss Fine up.
254
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:18,383
Oy!
255
00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:20,150
Thank you.
256
00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:22,483
Meanwhile, these pantyhose
have a life of their own.
257
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,433
Mr. Sheffield,
you've
decided to help
after
258
00:10:28,466 --> 00:10:30,416
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not here to direct the show.
259
00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:33,433
I'm just here to support
my little girl.
Oh.
260
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,450
Oh, hi, Mr. Sheffield.
Hi, Daddy!
261
00:10:35,483 --> 00:10:37,166
Hello. How's it going?
262
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,500
Oh, fabulous. The kids
are having a great time.
263
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:43,150
Stanley, stop biting my leg.
264
00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:45,100
What did you think
of the number?
265
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,433
Well, why, uh--
266
00:10:47,466 --> 00:10:49,450
Why are they all wearing
paper bags on their heads?
267
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,250
They're mushroom caps.
268
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:52,350
Ah.
269
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:55,416
Who did the wardrobe, A&P?
270
00:10:55,450 --> 00:10:57,183
Maybe.
271
00:10:57,216 --> 00:10:58,483
I had a choice of paper
or plastic,
272
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,266
but you know, they tend
to discourage
273
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,233
plastic bags on kids' heads.
274
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,466
Well, I suppose
it'll all come together
275
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,160
once the set's up.
276
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,250
The set is up.
277
00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:10,466
Hmm.
278
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,100
You know,
279
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:13,233
not to discourage
your input here,
280
00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:14,316
but, uh, well,
281
00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:16,333
I kind of have
a vision going.
282
00:11:16,366 --> 00:11:20,333
Perhaps Mr. Sheffield could
just fine-tune the costumes.
283
00:11:20,366 --> 00:11:22,330
And the scenery.
284
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:23,116
And the lights.
285
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,216
Maybe tell the actors
where to stand.
286
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,466
And how to
deliver
their lines.
287
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,400
I'm not an expert
on theatrical terminology,
288
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,160
but, uh...
289
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,466
Wouldn't that be
considered directing?
290
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,330
All right,
if you
insist.
291
00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:38,100
Gracie, honey, Daddy's
going to direct.
292
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:41,216
Yoo-hoo, aren't you forgetting
just one thing?
293
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:44,100
Oh, all right, I'll do
the choreography too.
294
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:45,266
Well, what about Fran?
295
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,333
Yeah. What about Fran?
296
00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:48,200
You could be
the producer.
297
00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:49,316
That's right.
Congratulations!
298
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:50,383
Yes, congratulations.
299
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:53,283
Now, Miss Trusdale,
300
00:11:53,316 --> 00:11:56,466
I see a follow spot
and a low French horn.
301
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,383
Yes!
Just wailing out...
302
00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:00,383
Shouldn't the producer
be in on this?
303
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:03,466
We'll do lunch.
304
00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:11,300
♪♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪♪
305
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:17,316
♪♪ Its fleece was
white as snow ♪♪
306
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:19,166
♪♪ Oh ♪♪
307
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,266
Thank you!
308
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,200
♪♪ Oh ♪♪
MAXWELL: Thank you!
309
00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:27,160
Andrea, love, you're
not blending in.
310
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,166
You're upstaging everyone.
311
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,100
My mother says my voice
is a gift.
312
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:33,500
Well, return it.
313
00:12:34,483 --> 00:12:37,830
Uh, second-- second flower,
314
00:12:37,116 --> 00:12:38,416
Where are you going?
Get back in line.
315
00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:40,660
She has to make.
316
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,316
She has to make what?
317
00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:43,250
A doody.
318
00:12:43,283 --> 00:12:45,183
Very well. Carry on.
319
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,466
MAXWELL: Grace.
320
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,266
Sweetheart, you're
not relating to your lamb.
321
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,233
You see, you have
to listen to the lyrics.
322
00:12:53,266 --> 00:12:56,150
The lamb follows you
everywhere you go.
323
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:57,466
You're very attached to it.
324
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,233
I don't get it.
325
00:12:59,266 --> 00:13:01,250
The lamb's co-dependent.
326
00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:03,366
Oh.
327
00:13:05,330 --> 00:13:07,250
All right. Once more
from the top.
328
00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:08,466
This time just Grace.
329
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,330
[IN SMALL VOICE]
♪♪ Mary had a little-- ♪♪
330
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,316
We're forgetting everything!
331
00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:17,660
All right.
We'll work on it later.
332
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,830
Go on. Take five.
Not you, Grace.
333
00:13:19,116 --> 00:13:21,216
You better work
on your time step.
334
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:23,166
Oh, these amateurs.
335
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,500
Where are the great child actors
when you need them?
336
00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:28,483
Robbing 7-Elevens.
337
00:13:30,466 --> 00:13:32,330
Careful, Gracie.
338
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:34,283
Wouldn't want to fall off
the stage.
339
00:13:34,316 --> 00:13:37,166
Andrea, got a cookie.
340
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,383
Fetch.
341
00:13:41,183 --> 00:13:43,316
It was more fun when
you were directing.
342
00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:46,133
I know.
Can I get you anything?
343
00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:49,316
Juice... and to beep
my therapist.
344
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,830
Oh.
345
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,150
[SHOES TAPPING]
346
00:13:58,283 --> 00:14:00,233
Oh, she's been
tapping for
hours.
347
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:01,300
I'll tell you,
it's a crime.
348
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:04,500
I'll say. I just waxed
the floor.
349
00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:05,450
She's like the Energizer rabbit.
350
00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:07,350
She just keeps going and going.
351
00:14:07,383 --> 00:14:09,416
The vacuum cleaner is destroyed.
352
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:12,150
Hoover doesn't make
a gummi bear attachment.
353
00:14:12,183 --> 00:14:14,316
Nothing that she does
is good enough.
354
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:16,233
What is the
matter
with that man?
355
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:18,166
Doesn't he believe in nepotism?
356
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,250
I mean, where would
Lorna Luft be today?
357
00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:24,000
Did you ever try to get
Bazooka out of brocade?
358
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,330
[TAPPING CONTINUES]
359
00:14:25,660 --> 00:14:26,100
Wait a minute. What's that?
360
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,300
I believe it's Morse code.
361
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:31,450
S... O... S.
362
00:14:31,483 --> 00:14:34,200
She needs my help.
I gotta talk
to Mr. Sheffield.
363
00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:35,333
I don't know what you're doing.
364
00:14:35,366 --> 00:14:37,183
An ice cube will lift
that gum right up.
365
00:14:37,216 --> 00:14:39,333
Hmm.
366
00:14:39,366 --> 00:14:42,350
Of course I've always wanted
to direct as well,
367
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:44,266
and I find the children's
theater genre
368
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,150
absolutely fascinating.
369
00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,266
How do you spell genre?
370
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,200
Mr. Sheffield,
can I have a word
with you, please?
371
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:54,000
Well, I'm in the middle
of an interview, Miss Fine.
372
00:14:54,330 --> 00:14:55,416
Oh. Take your time.
373
00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:57,283
[HUMS]
374
00:14:57,316 --> 00:14:59,000
Could you give us
a minute, please?
375
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,333
Okay, but don't keep me waiting.
376
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:05,000
I'm also the reviewer.
377
00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:06,233
Make sure on show night
378
00:15:06,266 --> 00:15:08,216
we have plenty of cookies
backstage for the press.
379
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,830
Mr. Sheffield,
380
00:15:10,116 --> 00:15:12,350
aren't you taking this
a little too seriously?
381
00:15:12,383 --> 00:15:14,500
Absolutely not.
382
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,830
Excuse me, sir.
Andrew Lloyd Webber phoned.
383
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,333
You have the
Phantom
orchestra.
384
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:19,116
Yes!
385
00:15:20,183 --> 00:15:22,133
Well, you're the one
who wanted me to get involved.
386
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:23,333
Yes, I know,
387
00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:25,350
but you're working these kids
entirely too hard,
388
00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:26,400
especially Gracie.
389
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:28,150
Oh, my father pushed me,
390
00:15:28,183 --> 00:15:30,160
and look where I am today.
391
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:33,100
Three thousand miles
and an ocean away.
392
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,366
I'm telling you,
393
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,830
you're turning her into
a regular Lennie Scheinbaum.
394
00:15:37,116 --> 00:15:39,830
Miss Fine, please spare me.
395
00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:40,150
All right.
396
00:15:40,183 --> 00:15:41,216
[HUMMING]
397
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,266
Okay, who's Lennie Scheinbaum?
398
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:47,660
His father made
him
so nervous
399
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,660
about taking over
the family
business
400
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,500
that he started pulling
his hair out of his head
401
00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:52,450
and was bald by the time
he was 15.
402
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:55,233
Although he did become C.E.O.
403
00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:58,183
for the largest linoleum chain
in the tri-state area.
404
00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:00,183
Did I mention he was
interested in me?
405
00:16:00,216 --> 00:16:02,466
See, I knew
I shouldn't have asked.
406
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,166
I'm giving
you
pearls here.
407
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,133
I'm telling you, if you
don't stop pushing her,
408
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,450
Gracie's gonna grow up
to resent her father.
409
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,116
Nonsense.
410
00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:10,466
Oh, that's what
Lennie's father thought
411
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,830
until Lennie shipped him off
412
00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:14,660
to the Lincoln Tunnel
retirement home--
413
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,183
Jersey view.
414
00:16:15,216 --> 00:16:19,500
Well, unlike the ingrate
Scheinbaum,
415
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:21,366
Grace appreciates that
I just want her to be the best.
416
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,160
You know,
this was supposed
to be a fun experience,
417
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:27,116
but instead she's upstairs
tapping her brains out
418
00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:30,233
like some kind
of a deranged Ann Miller.
419
00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:32,150
That's redundant.
420
00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:36,400
Miss Fine,
you're
overreacting.
421
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,300
I suppose this
doesn't
have anything to do
422
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,100
with my replacing
you
as director.
423
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,283
Oh, well,
424
00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:45,283
if that isn't the most
insulting, petty thing
425
00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:46,383
I ever heard.
426
00:16:46,416 --> 00:16:49,333
Besides, I wasn't replaced.
427
00:16:49,366 --> 00:16:51,416
I was promoted to producer.
428
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:53,433
Sucker.
429
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:58,250
Mr. Sheffield, can the producer
fire the director?
430
00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,283
Yes.
431
00:16:59,316 --> 00:17:00,366
Oh?
432
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:04,000
As easily as a father
can fire the nanny.
433
00:17:04,330 --> 00:17:05,133
Oh.
434
00:17:15,830 --> 00:17:16,200
Are you the usher?
435
00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:19,330
No. I'm the producer.
436
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:20,400
Let me see your tickets.
437
00:17:25,316 --> 00:17:27,160
Lady...
438
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,660
will you wipe my nose?
439
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:36,266
No.
440
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,216
[SNIFFLES]
441
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,283
Don't you have any parents?
442
00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:45,500
Yeah, but they're busy.
443
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:47,160
J.B. Binghamton,
the investment banker,
444
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,830
is your father?
Yes.
445
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:52,233
Blow.
446
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,330
I can't believe Dad
made us come.
447
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,160
This is gonna
be so lame.
448
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,660
Children, this is your
sister's big night.
449
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,400
I think we should
all support her.
450
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,433
I brought cards.
I'll deal.
451
00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:11,333
Miss Fine? Uh, we, uh,
we have a bit of a crisis.
452
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,150
Grace is
refusing to go
on.
453
00:18:15,183 --> 00:18:17,300
I-- I think it's stage fright.
454
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,283
Oh, well, I wonder why.
455
00:18:19,316 --> 00:18:22,250
You've made the stage
such a warm and loving place.
456
00:18:22,283 --> 00:18:24,416
I need your help.
457
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,200
You need to speak with her.
458
00:18:26,233 --> 00:18:28,250
Me, talk to the actors?
459
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:30,416
Why, isn't that
the director's job?
460
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,233
MAXWELL: What?
Well, what?
461
00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:39,660
You want me to
admit I was wrong?
462
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,350
Oh, you think I'm that small?
463
00:18:41,383 --> 00:18:43,200
Turns out I am.
464
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,830
Fine. I was wrong.
465
00:18:45,116 --> 00:18:46,416
I'll hang myself later.
466
00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:48,150
Look, all I
wanted
was for Grace
467
00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:50,250
to go out on that stage
and have everyone love her.
468
00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:53,000
Honey, she doesn't care
if everyone loves her.
469
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:55,830
All she cares is
if you love her.
470
00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:58,160
I'm turning into
Lennie Scheinbaum's father.
471
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:01,433
Worse. My own.
472
00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:03,266
I swore I'd never be like him.
473
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:06,500
Oh, that's all right,
Mr. Sheffield.
474
00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:08,160
I myself have to fight the urge
475
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,150
to wash out gefilte fish jars
and use them as glasses.
476
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:12,350
Hmm.
477
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:13,416
She's in here.
478
00:19:15,216 --> 00:19:17,216
Um, Gracie, honey.
479
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:18,250
Aw.
480
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:20,660
I can't work
with that
man.
481
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:21,133
Oh.
482
00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,116
Grace, sweetheart,
483
00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:24,416
I'm-- I'm sorry
I was such an
ogre.
484
00:19:24,450 --> 00:19:28,830
I didn't mean to
push you so hard.
485
00:19:28,116 --> 00:19:29,383
Look...
486
00:19:29,416 --> 00:19:31,316
you're more
important to
me
487
00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:33,266
than any silly play.
488
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:37,000
I'm so proud of you
whether you go on or not.
489
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:38,830
Thank you, Daddy.
490
00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,316
[CHUCKLES]
491
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,466
Because I really don't wanna
go on.
492
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,350
Are you insane?
493
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,500
The house is full.
494
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,160
We've got a critic out there.
495
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,830
The whole show rests
on your shoulders.
496
00:19:49,116 --> 00:19:51,416
Paging Mr. Scheinbaum.
497
00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,233
Sorry.
498
00:19:53,266 --> 00:19:55,100
Wrong again.
499
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:57,400
Oh, sweetheart,
it's just that
500
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:59,300
you've worked so
hard
at this show,
501
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:01,830
and I really think
you could be
brilliant.
502
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:05,000
I'm sorry,
Daddy.
I just can't.
503
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,100
Miss Fine?
504
00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:08,216
Yeah.
505
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,133
The one time I'd like you
to butt in.
506
00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:12,333
Hey, I'm with her.
Who needs it?
507
00:20:12,366 --> 00:20:15,160
All those people
looking at you,
508
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,250
all the lights
in your eye--
509
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,150
Oh, the whole thing's
a turn-off.
510
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,383
Thank you, Miss Fine.
511
00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:20,466
You know what, honey?
512
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,166
Don't worry.
The show will go on.
513
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,200
Andrea knows
all of your lines.
514
00:20:25,233 --> 00:20:27,660
She will take your place.
515
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,183
Over my dead body.
516
00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:30,400
Hold the curtain!
517
00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:33,233
Makeup!
518
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:36,350
That's why they call me
the producer.
519
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,250
Ladies and gentlemen,
520
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:47,000
welcome to the Lexington
Academy's annual pageant,
521
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,416
a Maxwell Sheffield production.
522
00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:50,466
WOMAN: Oh, yay!
523
00:21:01,466 --> 00:21:03,166
[FULL ORCHESTRA PLAYING]
524
00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:38,100
[SMALL VOICE]
♪♪ The itsy-bitsy spider ♪♪
525
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,433
♪♪ Went up the water spout ♪♪
526
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:45,233
♪♪ Down came the rain
And washed the spider out ♪♪
527
00:21:45,266 --> 00:21:47,466
My God, she has
got something, hasn't she?
528
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:51,116
Yeah. Guts.
529
00:21:54,416 --> 00:21:56,450
[♪♪♪]
530
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,250
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
the reviews are in.
531
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,216
Oh, let me see.
What do they say?
532
00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,160
Well, they loved Gracie.
533
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:13,150
and they said
the programs
534
00:22:13,183 --> 00:22:15,100
were neatly folded--
That was me.
535
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:16,366
Y-yeah, what did they say
about the production?
536
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,330
Oh, "not sinceHudson Hawk
has there been such a...
537
00:22:20,660 --> 00:22:21,116
overproduced,
538
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,350
underdirected
piece of dreck."
539
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,466
Hack.
540
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,400
Oh, that's all
right,
Mr. Sheffield.
541
00:22:26,433 --> 00:22:29,183
Next year you could
fold the programs.