1
00:00:03,366 --> 00:00:05,450
FRAN:
I'm gonna miss you
too, sweetie,
2
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:08,216
but it's
the first day of school.
3
00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:10,166
♪They're going back
to school, hah!
4
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,166
♪ Going back
To school, hah! ♪
5
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,333
BOTH:
♪ Going back
To school, hah! ♪
6
00:00:13,366 --> 00:00:15,483
♪ Going back
to school, ah!
7
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,160
Oh, Niles, this sandwich
feels a little stale.
8
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:20,150
Well, I made them in June
9
00:00:20,183 --> 00:00:21,183
in anticipation
of this blessed event.
10
00:00:23,416 --> 00:00:25,250
Fran?
Fran.
11
00:00:25,283 --> 00:00:26,316
Hi, honey.
What? What?
12
00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:27,450
How do I look?
13
00:00:27,483 --> 00:00:29,483
Gorgeous, always.
Oh, wait.
14
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,133
Oh, my God.
Look how tall you got.
15
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,330
I can hardly reach.
16
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:35,116
Oh, my God.
I got too tall?
17
00:00:35,150 --> 00:00:36,466
What am I gonna do?
Oh.
18
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,330
Somebody's gotta clean
the Statue of Liberty.
19
00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:41,400
BOTH:
Shut up, Brighton.
20
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,660
Honey, you're gorgeous,
don't worry.
21
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,330
In high school, they stop
making fun of the tall girls.
22
00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:47,100
It's the girls
with BO that's gotta worry.
23
00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:52,366
Sorry I'm late.
I was on the phone
with my therapist.
24
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,233
I had the unicorn dream
again last night.
25
00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:58,250
Oh, these shrinks, they read
something into everything.
26
00:00:58,283 --> 00:01:00,330
Honey, a unicorn
is nothing more
27
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,266
than a big horse
with a long...
28
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:04,250
If you need therapy,
I need to be committed.
29
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,160
All right, children, the
limo's waiting. Time to
go.
30
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:10,116
Oh. You heard
your father.
31
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,500
Scram.
Scram.
32
00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:13,660
Whoops!
33
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,183
Ah, first day of school
already, huh?
34
00:01:15,216 --> 00:01:18,166
Summer just flew by.
35
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,500
Spoken by a man who did not see
The Lion King
36
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:25,416
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
37
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:27,660
♪ She was workin'
In a bridal shop ♪
38
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,283
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
39
00:01:28,316 --> 00:01:29,383
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
40
00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:31,200
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
41
00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:33,830
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
42
00:01:33,116 --> 00:01:35,830
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
43
00:01:36,433 --> 00:01:37,416
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
44
00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:39,316
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
45
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:42,160
♪ She was there to sell makeup ♪
But the father saw more ♪
46
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,133
♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪
47
00:01:44,166 --> 00:01:47,483
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
48
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,160
♪ Who would've guessed
That the girl we described ♪
49
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,450
♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪
50
00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:53,466
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
51
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,216
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
52
00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:56,383
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
53
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:57,433
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
54
00:01:57,466 --> 00:01:59,233
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
55
00:01:59,266 --> 00:02:01,466
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
56
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:05,416
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
57
00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:06,250
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
58
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:11,466
[SIGHS]
Home alone.
59
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,100
No more Pog.
60
00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:17,450
No moreMighty Morphin
Power Rangers,
61
00:02:17,483 --> 00:02:19,166
and alas...
62
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,383
no more Nintendo.
63
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:22,100
[BAG RATTLES]
64
00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:25,500
What happened to the Nintendo?
65
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,000
I accidentally pounded it
repeatedly with a meat
mallet.
66
00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:31,830
Niles!
67
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,150
Couldn't have thought of that
two months ago?
68
00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:32,466
[HE CHUCKLES]
69
00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:37,116
Oh, Niles, look!
70
00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:40,830
Esquire
"Most Eligible Bachelor" list.
71
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:45,500
Ohh, they
retired
John-John.
72
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:48,660
You know, no offense to
Daryl,
but, if you recall,
73
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,416
Caroline found happiness
with a Schlossberg.
74
00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:54,233
Jackie finds happiness
with a Tempelsman.
75
00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:55,466
Maybe John-John
should've stopped by
76
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:56,416
a few Hadassah meetings.
77
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,483
Oh, look, Mr. Sheffield's
moved up to third place.
78
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,283
Oh, yeah. Oh, say hello
to bachelor number
three.
79
00:03:05,316 --> 00:03:08,233
Oh, not you too.
- What?
80
00:03:08,266 --> 00:03:11,116
I've been bombarded all morning
with faxes and telephone calls.
81
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,300
Women who want to date me,
82
00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:14,660
women who want
to have my children,
83
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:14,350
and this one wants to...
84
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,333
Oh, good God!
85
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:21,000
I'll follow up
on that one,
sir.
86
00:03:21,330 --> 00:03:22,116
[SHE CHUCKLES]
87
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:27,283
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
I think it's an honor.
88
00:03:27,316 --> 00:03:29,183
Look, you're right
behind Prince Edward
89
00:03:29,216 --> 00:03:31,266
and the former Mayor Koch.
90
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,160
I'll tell you,
91
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,483
just my opinion,
but if those two ever met,
92
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:36,466
you could move
straight up to number one.
93
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:42,300
I don't want to be
number one, Miss
Fine.
94
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:45,000
I don't want to be
on the damn list at
all.
95
00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:47,266
I'm a widower, for God's
sakes,
not a bachelor.
96
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:50,660
And the difference
would be, uh--?
97
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:53,250
Well, a bachelor makes you
think of dancing till dawn,
98
00:03:53,283 --> 00:03:56,333
champagne for breakfast
and black satin sheets.
99
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:59,316
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, too bad
we never met in a past life.
100
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:03,416
Miss Fine, I'm quite
content
with my life.
101
00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:06,183
I have my
family,
I have my work.
102
00:04:06,216 --> 00:04:07,400
Well, you know what they say.
103
00:04:07,433 --> 00:04:10,000
All work and no play
makes a man--
104
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:12,000
Rich enough
to pay our salaries.
105
00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:13,483
All right. Playtime's over.
Make some money.
106
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,416
Yeah, look...
107
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:18,330
Miss Fine, I appreciate
your concern, I really
do,
108
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:20,200
but I'm just not ready
to date yet, all right?
109
00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:21,483
Oh, fine,
I didn't bring it up.
110
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:22,450
I just came in for a fruit.
111
00:04:28,466 --> 00:04:31,400
Oh, I'll tell you,
it just makes me so sad.
112
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:34,183
Here it is five years
later,
and he still feels
113
00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:36,183
like he'd be
cheating on his wife.
114
00:04:36,216 --> 00:04:37,416
It's a classic widower syndrome.
115
00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:39,183
VERY astute, Miss Fine.
116
00:04:39,216 --> 00:04:40,333
Oprah?
117
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:41,316
Courtship of Eddie's Father.
118
00:04:46,266 --> 00:04:47,283
You know, I never thought
I'd say this, but...
119
00:04:47,316 --> 00:04:49,400
I kinda miss the kids.
120
00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:50,350
MAGGIE:
Shut up,
Brighton.
121
00:04:50,383 --> 00:04:51,183
I'm over it.
122
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,216
We're home.
123
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,000
Hey! How was
your first day back?
124
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,000
Oh, I love school.
125
00:04:58,330 --> 00:04:59,383
They opened a coffee shop
across the street,
126
00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:02,133
and they only hired
really cute college
guys.
127
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:04,330
And for this,
your father pays seven grand?
128
00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:08,350
Was it directly across
the street or catty-corner?
129
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,183
Fran, I love second grade.
130
00:05:12,216 --> 00:05:14,160
The conversations
on the monkey bars
131
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,133
were so stimulating.
132
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:16,000
Ooh!
133
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,830
Some of life's best moments
are spent
134
00:05:20,116 --> 00:05:21,266
hanging from your knees with
your skirt over your head.
135
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,200
[HE CHUCKLES]
136
00:05:23,466 --> 00:05:25,333
I hate junior high!
137
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,183
I'm never going back.
138
00:05:27,216 --> 00:05:29,316
Oh, now, don't panic.
It's just the first day.
139
00:05:31,133 --> 00:05:32,483
Oh, he'll go back.
140
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,500
He will go
back,
won't he?
141
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:36,416
Well, if he doesn't,
we'll have to hire a tutor.
142
00:05:36,450 --> 00:05:39,183
And then he'll be home
all the time.
143
00:05:39,216 --> 00:05:40,200
Brighton!
144
00:05:45,316 --> 00:05:46,366
Brighton, honey,
you wannna talk about it?
145
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,166
No.
146
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,250
Okay.
147
00:05:54,416 --> 00:05:56,830
On the other hand,
I think I'd feel too guilty
148
00:05:56,116 --> 00:05:57,500
cashing my paycheck this week.
149
00:05:59,266 --> 00:06:01,333
Come on, B,
I'm your nanny.
150
00:06:01,366 --> 00:06:04,133
You can talk to me
about anything.
151
00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:06,250
Except computers. Those things
throw me into a tailspin.
152
00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:11,000
Never mind.
It's too
embarrassing.
153
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:13,350
Honey, you're talking
to a woman whose underpants
154
00:06:13,383 --> 00:06:17,500
fell off in
the middle of Bloomingdale's.
155
00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:18,283
Really?
What did you do?
156
00:06:18,316 --> 00:06:21,116
I kicked them down
to the Lancôme counter
157
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:22,200
and kept on walking.
158
00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:27,350
Well, there are just some
things
a girl wouldn't understand.
159
00:06:27,383 --> 00:06:30,466
I'm not a girl,
I'm a nanny.
160
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,300
Anything you say
goes no further
than this room.
161
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,233
I'm like a priest.
162
00:06:35,266 --> 00:06:38,160
Well, not exactly a priest
163
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,500
'cause priests
are celibate and
I'm--
164
00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:42,000
Actually,
I could be a
priest.
165
00:06:43,383 --> 00:06:46,266
No, not
with that Nehru collar.
166
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:50,133
I like a nice scoop neck,
a V, off-the-shoulder's
nice,
167
00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:52,160
all good for me,
but a Nehru--
168
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:56,116
All right, all right!
I'll tell you.
169
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:59,166
We were in the locker room
after gym...
170
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,483
And?
171
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,200
Fran, I'm smaller
than everyone else.
172
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,183
Smaller?
How?
173
00:07:06,216 --> 00:07:08,500
Just forget it.
It's too humiliating.
174
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,400
Well, what could be
so humiliating
175
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:12,483
about being smaller
in the locker room?
176
00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:22,483
Uh, Mr. Sheffield,
I'm sorry to bother
you,
177
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,350
but we've got a problem.
178
00:07:24,383 --> 00:07:27,250
And, boy, you are
never
gonna guess this one.
179
00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:29,660
Just make it short.
180
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:29,383
You--
181
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:41,350
You guessed.
182
00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:43,216
Niles, do you need
to speak with me as well?
183
00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:45,166
Oh, no, sir.
184
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:49,100
I simply wanted to be here
in person for this one.
185
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:50,383
Brighton was in gym class,
186
00:07:50,416 --> 00:07:52,283
and, well,
when he looked around,
187
00:07:52,316 --> 00:07:54,316
compared to
all the other boys,
188
00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:56,183
he's...small.
189
00:07:58,350 --> 00:07:59,133
Small?
190
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:01,450
You know,
like in "petite"...
191
00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:06,160
"poquito"...
192
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:10,116
"gherkin".
193
00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:17,233
Oh.
194
00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:21,350
And the poor guy's
really upset.
195
00:08:21,383 --> 00:08:23,100
What are we gonna do?
196
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:26,133
Yes.
C.C., would you excuse us?
197
00:08:26,166 --> 00:08:27,200
I have to have a word
with Miss Fine.
198
00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:30,116
If I go, he goes.
199
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:31,160
Yes, of
course.
Niles.
200
00:08:32,150 --> 00:08:33,000
What did I do?
201
00:08:34,166 --> 00:08:35,830
Niles!
202
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:38,166
Well, now you've
ruined it for everybody.
203
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,450
So...
So...
204
00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,366
Brighton, huh?
Are you sure?
205
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,466
But he has such big feet.
206
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:52,433
I suppose I'll just
have to sit him down
207
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:54,250
and have a man-to-man
talk with him.
208
00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,350
Either that or buy him
a really big car.
209
00:08:57,366 --> 00:08:58,166
[SIGHS]
210
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:01,400
Ah, Brighton.
211
00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:03,183
Oh. Yeah, Dad?
212
00:09:03,216 --> 00:09:05,466
I think we should
have a little talk.
213
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:06,450
I mean, not alittle
214
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,830
Well, it might--
215
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,200
It might start out little,
but get big later.
216
00:09:12,233 --> 00:09:14,350
N-not that a--
217
00:09:14,383 --> 00:09:18,216
Not that a big talk
is necessarily any better
than a little talk.
218
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,466
The...the size of the talk
is really not important, is
it?
219
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:22,433
Any questions so far?
220
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,100
Have you seen my Nintendo?
221
00:09:32,183 --> 00:09:35,100
Val, can you put
my hairbrush in your
purse?
222
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:36,433
I can if you carry my mace.
223
00:09:36,466 --> 00:09:38,416
Put your mace
in your pocket.
224
00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:40,450
I got my Totes rain
hat
in there.
225
00:09:40,483 --> 00:09:42,266
Well, if you put on
your Totes rain hat,
226
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,133
you're not gonna
need that mace.
227
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:52,116
Oh, Val, look at him
sittin' there alone like a
dog.
228
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:53,466
Yeah, meanwhile,
we're gonna miss
the number 5 bus.
229
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,466
But how is this possible?
230
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,116
I mean, he's handsome,
he's young.
231
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:00,250
All right, he's 42,
232
00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:02,100
but he's a nice man,
a good catch, true?
233
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:02,400
True.
234
00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:06,483
[CLICKS TONGUE]
- Ladies, please!
235
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,200
I am not in the Cone of Silence.
236
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,160
Val, your voice traveled.
237
00:10:13,233 --> 00:10:17,116
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
come with us.
238
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,166
No, really. It's...
it's very generous of you,
239
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,266
but I-I have
a full evening planned.
240
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,183
Yeah, it'll give me a chance
to, er, finish the book.
241
00:10:24,216 --> 00:10:27,250
Ooh,Webster's.
Let me know how it ends.
242
00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:29,266
Well, all right, then,
I can spend the evening
with...
243
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,233
Maggie!
244
00:10:31,266 --> 00:10:33,116
We'll go
to Rumpelmayer's and...
245
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,316
um...
[CLEARS THROAT]
246
00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:37,830
have great big sundaes
with nuts and bananas,
247
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:38,416
what d'you say?
248
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:42,133
Uh, well, it's kinda
the first day of
school.
249
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,300
I was gonna meet
up with some kids
250
00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:44,100
and have some actual fun.
251
00:10:45,116 --> 00:10:46,330
Ah.
252
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:49,166
Bye.
253
00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:52,333
Come on, Mr. Sheffield,
come with us.
254
00:10:52,366 --> 00:10:55,160
It's supposed to be
a really great club.
255
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,150
No, I-I already told
you,
I'm not ready to
date.
256
00:10:57,183 --> 00:10:58,466
What date?
257
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,830
We're just three friends
sharing a cab.
258
00:11:01,116 --> 00:11:02,660
Or in this case, your limo.
259
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:04,333
What does he know from clubs?
260
00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:08,500
Excuse me!
261
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:12,100
Studio 54, Annabel's,
Tramp's.
Maxwell Sheffield was there.
262
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:15,166
Oh, you hear that, Val?
263
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,483
He got down, he got funky.
264
00:11:18,483 --> 00:11:22,000
Ladies, to the limo.
All right.
265
00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:23,400
But who's gonna hit on us
if we're with a guy?
266
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,133
Oh, just let me
take care of
that.
267
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:29,283
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm
so happy that you're coming.
268
00:11:29,316 --> 00:11:32,830
You're really gonna
have a wonderful time.
269
00:11:32,116 --> 00:11:34,330
Oh, just one last thing.
270
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,183
You don't know us,
we've never seen you
before,
271
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:37,116
and I might have to tell
a few people you're gay.
272
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,660
[CAMERAS CLICK,
PEOPLE CHATTER]
273
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:52,400
Oh, is this a great club,
or what?
274
00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:54,116
We haven't been
inside yet.
275
00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:55,350
Oh, we never
get inside.
276
00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:57,500
You get inside?
277
00:11:57,830 --> 00:12:00,330
Val!
278
00:12:00,660 --> 00:12:02,166
Oh, Fran, there's a cute guy
over there checking you out.
279
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,830
Where?
Where?
280
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:07,150
Ooh, heis
281
00:12:09,283 --> 00:12:10,366
I think you're losing him.
282
00:12:12,216 --> 00:12:13,200
I wonder why.
283
00:12:15,266 --> 00:12:17,433
Oh, sorry. Forgot.
284
00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:18,266
Don't even know you.
285
00:12:20,183 --> 00:12:22,450
Oh, my God,
is that Alec Baldwin?
286
00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:24,100
[SHE GASPS]
- No, I think it's Billy.
287
00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:25,200
[SHE GASPS]
- Wait, I think it's Daniel.
288
00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:25,450
Oh, it's Stephen.
[COMPACT SNAPS]
289
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:38,100
Maxwell Sheffield?
- Yes.
290
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,330
Please,
please,
follow me.
291
00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:40,283
Oh.
292
00:12:40,316 --> 00:12:41,416
Oh, my God,
we're getting in.
293
00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:42,250
And you didn't
wanna bring him.
294
00:12:43,433 --> 00:12:45,100
Excuse me.
295
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:46,466
Are they with you?
MAXWELL: Er...
296
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:47,433
No, don't know them.
297
00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:52,100
Never saw them.
Perfect strangers.
298
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:53,483
Mr. Sheffield...
299
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,233
Oh, and I might be gay.
300
00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,250
Want a jelly doughnut?
301
00:13:08,283 --> 00:13:11,160
Sure, why not?
302
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,300
You know, I'm gonna write
those people at Exxon a
letter.
303
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:16,283
They do a beautiful restroom.
304
00:13:16,316 --> 00:13:18,116
Whoever cleaned that toilet
should be sent straight
305
00:13:18,150 --> 00:13:19,166
to Prince Edward Sound.
Mm.
306
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,160
Mm, mm.
Here he is.
307
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:27,250
Mr. Sheffield, we're over here!
308
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:29,416
Oh, fantastic club.
- Mmm.
309
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:31,316
You can't even move
on that dance floor.
310
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:33,316
So what did
the two of you think?
311
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:35,333
Oh, it's like nothing
we've ever seen before.
312
00:13:35,366 --> 00:13:37,100
Ever.
313
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,416
I met the most
incredible woman.
314
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,183
Get outta here.
You met someone?
315
00:13:41,216 --> 00:13:42,350
Yeah. J-just wait here.
I want you to meet her.
316
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,200
Can you believe he met someone?
317
00:13:46,233 --> 00:13:47,166
I'm wearing the Wonderbra,
and he gets lucky?
318
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,266
I wonder who she is.
319
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:52,200
Oh, you know, he's so naive.
320
00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:53,316
I just hope he doesn't
come walking out with RuPaul.
321
00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:54,183
Mm.
322
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:58,350
Val, Fran,
this is Leslie.
323
00:14:02,183 --> 00:14:05,100
[IN UNISON]
Love the coat!
324
00:14:05,133 --> 00:14:07,166
[BOTH LAUGH]
325
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,216
Oh, my God.
He's a Schprocket.
326
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:19,150
Niles, have the chauffeur
bring
the limo around, would you?
327
00:14:19,183 --> 00:14:21,350
I'm taking Leslie out
to a gallery opening in
SoHo,
328
00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:22,466
then on for dinner
and dancing at
Match's.
329
00:14:26,416 --> 00:14:28,300
The man's got a life
and I don't.
330
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:29,333
It's a world gone mad.
[NILES CHUCKLES]
331
00:14:31,316 --> 00:14:33,416
So, what is
the mystery woman like?
332
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:36,150
Well, she's got a lot of hair,
333
00:14:36,183 --> 00:14:39,216
she wears a lot of makeup
and very flashy clothes.
334
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,450
All in all, I'd say it was
a very attractive package.
335
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:44,433
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, I'll get it.
336
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,150
Niles, you know, you don't
have to keep announcing that.
337
00:14:47,183 --> 00:14:48,266
It's your job.
Believe me, no one's
gonna horn in on ya.
338
00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:53,333
Hello.
Hello.
339
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,183
What?
What?
340
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:03,160
N-nothing, uh,
just stay right here
341
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:09,160
until I go get Miss Babcock.
342
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,483
Mr. Sheffield,
Leslie's here.
343
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,160
Take your time.
344
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:15,216
NILES:
Come along.
345
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,483
Come, come, come,
come, come, come, come--
346
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,433
Niles, what is
so damn important?
347
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:21,466
Hi.
Hi.
348
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,233
Good god, it's multiplying.
349
00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:31,166
I'd like you
to meet Miss
Babcock.
350
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,350
This is Mr.
Sheffield's
business partner.
351
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:35,266
This is Leslie.
352
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:38,160
I love your hair.
Who does your color?
353
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,660
Oh, it's natural.
354
00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:47,433
Well, I think it's
very distasteful of Maxwell
355
00:15:47,466 --> 00:15:50,330
to be dating so soon.
356
00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:51,233
Isn't a decade
the standard period of
mourning?
357
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:54,160
Die, and let's find out.
358
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:01,283
Some house, huh?
359
00:16:01,316 --> 00:16:03,483
Boy, when I first
came here from Queens,
360
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,333
[MUMBLES]
I never thought I'd live
in a house this big.
361
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:09,300
Tell me about it.
When I left Brooklyn
362
00:16:09,333 --> 00:16:11,100
and became a CPA...
363
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:12,200
[MUMBLES]
wouldn't you know it,
364
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:13,400
I had a hard time
finding a place to live.
365
00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:15,183
Oh, I hear ya.
366
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,366
Niles, would you ice
this
and put it in the
limo?
367
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,433
Oh, certainly, sir.
There's a good man.
368
00:16:21,466 --> 00:16:23,133
Oh, excuse me, sir.
369
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:25,266
If you don't mind my asking...
370
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:28,300
doesn't Miss Leslie
remind you of someone?
371
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:31,266
Oh, so you noticed it too.
372
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,330
Well, it is
rather obvious, sir.
373
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,466
Yes, she is a dead
ringer
for Connie Selleca.
374
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,216
She, um...
375
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:46,316
she is pretty
unique,
isn't she, Niles?
376
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:48,300
Er, whatever you say, sir.
377
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:49,433
[POT CLATTERS]
378
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,100
Oh, oh!
Careful there, man.
379
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:52,200
Oh, thank you,
sir, yes.
380
00:16:52,233 --> 00:16:54,266
You see, I should have
used my oven mitt
381
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,500
instead of this somewhat
inferior substitution.
382
00:16:57,830 --> 00:16:58,483
But I didn't realize
I wanted my oven mitt
383
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,333
until I saw them together.
384
00:17:01,366 --> 00:17:03,416
And then I understood that,
of course, my oven mitt
385
00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:06,133
is exactly what I wanted
and, goodness gracious,
386
00:17:06,166 --> 00:17:07,383
it was under my nose
the entire time.
387
00:17:16,216 --> 00:17:17,300
Good,
glad you found
it.
388
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,216
It's easy for you
to get sale shoes.
389
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,433
You're
a double-A
width.
390
00:17:24,466 --> 00:17:27,366
No, I'm really a B,
but for 75 percent off,
391
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,330
I'll hold my toes
like this.
392
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:31,383
[SHE CHUCKLES]
Stop it.
393
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:32,283
You stop it.
394
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:38,350
Leslie, darling, I'm
sorry
to keep you waiting.
395
00:17:38,383 --> 00:17:40,250
Mmm. Hope you two found
something to talk about.
396
00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:41,416
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
397
00:17:43,133 --> 00:17:44,483
Well, shall we?
398
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:46,416
Sure. But I just can't sit
backwards in the limo.
399
00:17:46,450 --> 00:17:48,366
I get nauseous.
400
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,250
Oh, well, there's Pepto
in the minibar.
401
00:17:50,283 --> 00:17:51,400
Smile.
402
00:17:51,433 --> 00:17:52,116
[CAMERA CLICKS]
403
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,250
Oh, I forgot to put
the thingie on.
404
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:57,400
Now they're gonna have
red eyes.
405
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:03,160
Oh, boy, are they a
great couple, or what?
406
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:06,000
Boy, if they're not meant
to be together, who is?
407
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:09,250
Miss Fine, doesn't Miss
Leslie
remind you of someone?
408
00:18:09,283 --> 00:18:11,483
What am I, a radish?
409
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,400
That hair, those clothes,
that voice.
410
00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:15,466
She's a dead ringer
for Audrey Hepburn.
411
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,300
Ma, Shirley Bassey?
412
00:18:27,333 --> 00:18:29,830
I don't know.
413
00:18:29,116 --> 00:18:31,116
Two hundred, 220.
414
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,133
She goes up and down.
415
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:36,266
Hey, guys.
Oh, hi, honey.
416
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:37,300
How was school today?
417
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,660
Great, lots of fun.
418
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,416
There is
so much to
learn.
419
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:43,466
Uh, Ma, I gotta go
be a nanny. Bye.
420
00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,350
What the hell
is wrong with him?
421
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:49,450
He seemed
perfectly normal.
422
00:18:49,483 --> 00:18:51,133
I reiterate - what
the hell is wrong with
him?
423
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,450
Mr. Sheffield thinks
their talk went rather well.
424
00:18:55,483 --> 00:18:57,366
Oh, Mr. Sheffield thinks
C.C. goes horseback
riding
425
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,183
for the exercise.
426
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:06,466
Smell Brighton's gym shirt.
427
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,383
I don't smell anything.
Exactly.
428
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,233
And if anyone knows what
a sweaty man smells like,
429
00:19:13,266 --> 00:19:15,200
it's me.
430
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,200
Brighton did not
go to gym class
today.
431
00:19:17,233 --> 00:19:19,150
Very impressive,
Miss Fine.
432
00:19:19,183 --> 00:19:20,383
Well, you don't
watch
eight years
433
00:19:20,416 --> 00:19:21,450
ofMurder, She Wrote
walking away with something.
434
00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,316
Brighton Sheffield,
you cut class today!
435
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:34,200
I am very disappointed
in you, young man.
436
00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:36,200
I just said that in case
the intercoms were on.
437
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:40,100
Now, come on,
you got a problem.
438
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:42,100
Let's talk about it.
439
00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:43,416
I told you,
you wouldn't
understand.
440
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,333
Honey,
I wouldn't understand?
441
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:46,366
My homeroom was McDonald's.
442
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:51,200
Come on,
let's deal with it.
443
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,830
How?
444
00:19:53,116 --> 00:19:54,350
Even if I grow another
foot,
I'll still be smaller
445
00:19:54,383 --> 00:19:55,216
than most of the guys.
446
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,283
Another foot?
447
00:20:02,316 --> 00:20:03,116
What kind of schoolis
448
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:06,450
In grade school,
I was the big shot.
449
00:20:06,483 --> 00:20:08,416
Fifth graders feared me.
450
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:10,416
Now, in junior high,
I'm a walking wedgie
451
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:11,250
waiting to happen.
452
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:20,133
Oh!Now
the picture.
453
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:23,233
They're allbigger
you,
not bigger than you.
454
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:28,366
Honey, this, I can handle.
455
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,300
Sweetie, you're only 12.
456
00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:33,366
Most boys don't shoot up
until after their bar mitzvah.
457
00:20:36,660 --> 00:20:37,166
Fran, I'm not
getting
bar mitzvahed.
458
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,160
Huh. I hope it still works.
459
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,416
Honey, if it's any consolation
to you, given time,
460
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:45,433
this will no longer
be a problem.
461
00:20:45,466 --> 00:20:48,330
Someday you're
gonna be a senior,
462
00:20:48,660 --> 00:20:50,233
and you're gonna be
bigger than all the other
kids,
463
00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:52,283
and you'll remember
how you felt today.
464
00:20:52,316 --> 00:20:54,200
When you walk down the hallway,
465
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,233
you'll see
some puny seventh grader,
466
00:20:56,266 --> 00:20:58,150
and you'll give him
a little shove.
467
00:20:58,183 --> 00:20:59,160
Thanks, Fran.
468
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,400
Just one more thing.
Yeah?
469
00:21:02,433 --> 00:21:05,150
When you said,
"This
handle,"
470
00:21:05,183 --> 00:21:07,660
what did you think
I was talking
about?
471
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,466
Oh, exactly what you said,
472
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,200
that you're shorter
than everyone else.
473
00:21:11,233 --> 00:21:13,150
Although your father
was off on some wacko jag.
474
00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:22,100
Looking for someone?
[SHE EXCLAIMS]
475
00:21:22,133 --> 00:21:25,100
Niles, you scared me.
476
00:21:25,133 --> 00:21:26,330
Put a bell around
your neck, would
you?
477
00:21:27,466 --> 00:21:30,500
You wanted him
to have a life.
478
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,333
Yeah, well, it's 11:00,
and he's got work
tomorrow.
479
00:21:32,366 --> 00:21:35,166
Well, you said
he should have fun.
480
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,116
Nine o'clock is "having fun".
481
00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:39,450
Eleven o'clock is
already,
"I don't need another
kid
482
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,200
And there's
absolutely no one else
483
00:21:44,233 --> 00:21:45,450
she reminds you of?
- Oh, shhh!
484
00:21:45,483 --> 00:21:47,216
Here he comes. Stop yapping
and act natural.
485
00:21:49,450 --> 00:21:51,316
Niles, who is it?
486
00:21:51,350 --> 00:21:52,450
Oddly enough,
it's Mr. Sheffield.
487
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:56,383
Oh, back so soon.
488
00:21:58,116 --> 00:21:59,433
Did you have a good time?
489
00:21:59,466 --> 00:22:01,400
Well, you know,
pleasant enough.
490
00:22:01,433 --> 00:22:05,660
Oh, you didn't like her?
491
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:08,483
Gee, I thought her charm
was only exceeded by her
beauty.
492
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,330
Well, she had
a certain way about her.
493
00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:14,300
There was just...
something missing.
494
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,160
Hm...
495
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,283
Like ordering champagne
and getting ginger ale.
496
00:22:19,316 --> 00:22:20,383
You know, they look alike
497
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:22,160
but don't make
you
feel the same.
498
00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:27,416
Too bad. She was gonna
fix me up with her boss.
499
00:22:27,450 --> 00:22:29,383
English, handsome, rich.
500
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,433
All right,
he's got a couple of kids,
501
00:22:32,466 --> 00:22:35,160
but I could learn
to live with that.
502
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:37,200
Well, maybe next time, huh?
503
00:22:37,233 --> 00:22:38,416
But I do want
to thank you, Miss
Fine.
504
00:22:38,450 --> 00:22:40,200
For what?
505
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,416
Well, for getting
me
out in the world.
506
00:22:42,450 --> 00:22:44,466
I mean, Leslie
may not be the
one,
507
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,216
but, well, at least
you made me realize
508
00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:48,160
that perhaps
I don't have to
live
509
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:49,400
the rest of my life alone.
510
00:22:49,433 --> 00:22:51,383
Oh, good night,
Mr. Sheffield.
511
00:22:51,416 --> 00:22:53,450
Pleasant dreams,
Miss Fine.
512
00:22:53,483 --> 00:22:56,200
Yeah, well, if I'm lucky, I'll
have that one about the
unicorn.
513
00:23:09,433 --> 00:23:12,300
Exactly. Now, if
there's
one thing I know,
514
00:23:12,333 --> 00:23:13,116
it's what a smelly man--
515
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:18,350
Whoopsie.
516
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,316
If anyone knows
what a swelly man
smells--
517
00:23:22,466 --> 00:23:26,830
[LAUGHS]
518
00:23:26,116 --> 00:23:27,160
I'm
sorry.
[LAUGHS]