1
00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:04,000
Niles and Brighton...
2
00:00:04,330 --> 00:00:05,483
This is Maggie's.
3
00:00:06,383 --> 00:00:08,830
Oh.
4
00:00:08,116 --> 00:00:11,133
Hoo-ha,
Mr. Sheffield!
5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,150
Guess again.
6
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:23,416
Well, that's way more
than I needed
to know about him.
7
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,233
Oh, hi, kids.
8
00:00:27,266 --> 00:00:29,000
How you doing
on your science project?
9
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,183
Ask Brooke.
She's the
genius.
10
00:00:30,216 --> 00:00:31,266
I'm just
the dumb blond.
11
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:33,166
Oh...
12
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,330
Me and Val used to do
science projects together.
13
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:37,116
What's yours about?
14
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:39,000
Stress in the earth's
igneous layers
15
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,283
and its effects
on geological topography.
16
00:00:41,316 --> 00:00:44,330
Oh. We grew potatoes
on toothpicks.
17
00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:47,316
Did you know that
if you squeeze
coal
really hard
18
00:00:47,350 --> 00:00:48,383
it turns
into a diamond?
19
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,660
Oh, not true.
20
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,200
One summer, me and Val
21
00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:53,100
went through a whole bag
of Kingsford briquettes
22
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,283
trying for earrings.
23
00:00:56,466 --> 00:00:58,283
No luck, huh?
24
00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:01,200
No way. But to this day,
I got a handshake
like Lou Ferrigno.
25
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:04,450
Oh, Brighton...
26
00:01:04,483 --> 00:01:07,416
Do you have a date
for the seventh-grade dance?
27
00:01:07,450 --> 00:01:09,416
Yeah, I got a couple
of irons in the fire,
28
00:01:09,450 --> 00:01:11,100
put out a few feelers.
29
00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:13,200
Yeah.
Neither do I.
30
00:01:14,350 --> 00:01:17,216
I'll probably just go
all by myself
31
00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:19,830
and stand alone on the side
32
00:01:19,116 --> 00:01:20,466
with all the other wallflowers.
33
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,450
Oh, good.
So you're
covered.
34
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:25,316
Yeah.
35
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,466
[WATCH CHIMES]
36
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,450
Excuse me. I have to take
my allergy pill.
37
00:01:29,483 --> 00:01:31,333
Oh, what are you
allergic to, honey?
38
00:01:31,366 --> 00:01:33,660
Everything but pollen.
39
00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:39,216
Ow! Fran, I am not asking
her to the dance.
40
00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:41,200
All right.
41
00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:42,266
You're not gonna say anything?
42
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,830
It's not my place.
43
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:46,200
God will punish you.
44
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:50,300
Fran, Look at her
with those braids.
45
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:52,830
She looks like Alfalfa.
46
00:01:53,283 --> 00:01:55,400
And with those allergies,
she's always so nasal.
47
00:01:55,433 --> 00:01:57,160
[IN USUAL NASAL TONE]:
Hey!
48
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,183
A lot of men find
that very alluring.
49
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,483
Maybe you're right.
50
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,166
If I don't ask her to the dance,
51
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,330
she might get upset, and...
52
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:09,500
There goes my automatic A
in science.
53
00:02:10,116 --> 00:02:12,166
Well, as long as his
heart's
in the right place.
54
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,300
Mm-hm-hm-hm.
55
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,266
Oh, I remember
my first dance.
56
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:17,830
I went
with Richie Schneider.
57
00:02:17,116 --> 00:02:18,200
He had two left feet.
58
00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:19,366
Oh, bit of
a klutz,
eh?
59
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,250
No. He had two left feet.
60
00:02:24,383 --> 00:02:25,466
Some freak thing.
61
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,383
His mother was
an X-ray technician.
62
00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:34,450
I'm confused.
Could he dance or not?
63
00:02:34,483 --> 00:02:38,000
Actually, he was
an excellent dancer...
64
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:39,416
except when they did
the hokey-pokey
65
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,350
and they said,
"put your left foot in."
66
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,116
[SIGHS]
67
00:02:46,150 --> 00:02:48,366
Poor boy went down
like a ton of bricks.
68
00:02:51,266 --> 00:02:53,466
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
69
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,283
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
70
00:02:55,316 --> 00:02:57,100
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
71
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,366
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
72
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,150
♪♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪♪
73
00:03:00,183 --> 00:03:02,500
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
74
00:03:02,830 --> 00:03:04,433
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
75
00:03:04,466 --> 00:03:06,250
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
76
00:03:06,283 --> 00:03:09,100
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door
She was there to sell makeup
♪♪
77
00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:10,333
♪♪ But the father saw more ♪♪
78
00:03:10,366 --> 00:03:12,316
♪♪ She had style, she had
flair
She was there ♪♪
79
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:16,216
♪♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪♪
80
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:19,330
♪♪ Who would have guessed that
The girl we've described
81
00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:21,216
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?
♪♪
82
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:22,450
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
83
00:03:22,483 --> 00:03:24,183
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
84
00:03:24,216 --> 00:03:25,283
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
85
00:03:25,316 --> 00:03:26,433
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
86
00:03:26,466 --> 00:03:28,250
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
87
00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:31,366
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
88
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,350
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
89
00:03:33,383 --> 00:03:35,383
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
90
00:03:42,316 --> 00:03:44,150
BOY:
So, Sheffield,
91
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,333
who are you gonna take
to the dance?
92
00:03:45,366 --> 00:03:47,500
Oh, just an old friend.
93
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:50,100
FRAN: Oh, hi, honey.
94
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:53,160
I'm sorry
I'm late,
sweetie.
95
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,200
I didn't have a pass,
96
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:57,216
and that hall
monitor's
a real little nazi.
97
00:03:58,250 --> 00:04:01,366
Whoa, Sheffield!
Way to go.
98
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,116
No, she's the nanny...
99
00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:05,500
but, you know,
she wants me.
100
00:04:06,383 --> 00:04:07,450
What?
101
00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:10,450
Wants me to go
to the orthodontist.
102
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,316
Mm-hmm. Come on.
103
00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:13,400
Hi, Brighton.
104
00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:15,830
Oh, no.
105
00:04:15,116 --> 00:04:16,416
It's the Brooke-worm.
106
00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:18,250
[RETCHING]:
Brooke.
107
00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,150
I'm glad
you're still here.
108
00:04:21,183 --> 00:04:22,350
I fell in
the AV room
109
00:04:22,383 --> 00:04:24,350
and had to get a Band-Aid
for my glasses.
110
00:04:24,383 --> 00:04:26,416
Plus, my inhaler
clogged.
111
00:04:28,216 --> 00:04:30,266
Honey, honey.
Men like a little
mystery.
112
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,416
Don't share.
113
00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:33,830
Ah.
114
00:04:33,116 --> 00:04:34,400
Okay, Fran, let's go.
Brighton, wait.
115
00:04:34,433 --> 00:04:36,830
My father
wants to know
116
00:04:36,116 --> 00:04:37,416
if he should
drive us on
Friday.
117
00:04:40,183 --> 00:04:41,233
What are you
talking about?
118
00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:43,250
You asked me
to the dance.
119
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,150
Look, I don't know
what's in that inhaler,
120
00:04:45,183 --> 00:04:47,300
but I wouldn't operate
heavy machinery.
121
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,660
Brighton!
122
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,200
Oh, forget it.
123
00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:52,483
Oh, Brooke.
[WHEEZING]
124
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,216
Brighton,
that was very
mean.
125
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:56,350
Now look
what you've
done.
126
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,100
You made her wheeze.
127
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,400
Brighton, I am so
disappointed in you.
128
00:05:04,433 --> 00:05:06,660
Fran, you've been
yelling at me
129
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:07,116
since 68th street.
130
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:08,333
Are you gonna keep it up
the whole way?
131
00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,500
No. As soon as
we pass
Bergdorf's,
132
00:05:10,830 --> 00:05:12,116
I'm gonna
start
slapping you.
133
00:05:13,366 --> 00:05:16,116
Fran, it was
no big deal.
134
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,500
Don't you know what
happens to young
girls
135
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:20,150
when you torture
them
in high school?
136
00:05:20,183 --> 00:05:22,500
Oh, we're going
to the video
store,
137
00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:24,116
and I'm renting
you
Carrie.
138
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,350
All right, all right.
I'm sorry.
139
00:05:26,383 --> 00:05:28,266
Yeah, yeah.
But you know, there's--
140
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,330
it's too late to do
anything about it now.
141
00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:32,216
No, it's never too
late
to right a wrong
142
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,266
that you've done
to another human
being.
143
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,483
Yeah. Unless, of
course,
that human being
144
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,500
has been
shattered
145
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:40,333
into a million
miserable
pieces.
146
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,200
Yeah, right.
147
00:05:43,283 --> 00:05:45,316
Uh, I'll
work alone here.
148
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,150
Your behavior
could
scar that little
girl
149
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,416
for the rest
of her life.
150
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,266
And you should
know.
151
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,330
Hypocrite.
152
00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:55,116
Let me guess.
153
00:05:55,150 --> 00:05:57,133
You don't survive on tips,
do you,
154
00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:58,333
Mr., uh,
155
00:05:58,366 --> 00:06:02,450
"Aziz Muh-huh-huah-a-ala."
156
00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:04,660
Oy.
157
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,250
I share the cab.
158
00:06:05,283 --> 00:06:08,660
Oh. "Jeffrey Needleman."
159
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,300
Jeffrey Needleman?
160
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,330
Yeah. Let me give
you
a hint, okay?
161
00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:12,266
Picture me
crammed in a
locker
162
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,300
with a wedgie
163
00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,366
and a "kick me"
sign
on my forehead.
164
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,333
"Kick me" signs
go on your back.
165
00:06:17,366 --> 00:06:20,000
Yeah. They wanted me
to see it coming.
166
00:06:20,483 --> 00:06:22,266
This guy's
the most pathetic loser
167
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,350
on earth.
168
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,830
Oh...
169
00:06:25,116 --> 00:06:28,500
Jeffrey Needleman!
170
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:29,333
Oh, Jeffrey,
171
00:06:29,366 --> 00:06:32,830
what have you been doing
since high school?
172
00:06:32,116 --> 00:06:33,400
Shock therapy.
173
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:35,000
Oh. Well.
174
00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:37,283
Nice to see things
are picking up for you.
175
00:06:37,316 --> 00:06:38,400
So, in other words,
176
00:06:38,433 --> 00:06:40,160
you guys went
to high school together,
177
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,100
and you tortured him.
178
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:42,333
[CACKLES]
179
00:06:42,366 --> 00:06:44,483
I'm not the only
one
that tortured him.
180
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,216
The whole school did.
181
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:47,450
It was a requirement.
182
00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:50,233
Got you out of taking
a foreign language
class.
183
00:06:50,266 --> 00:06:53,133
Oh, Fran, I am
so disappointed in you.
184
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:57,333
All right,
okay.
That's
enough.
185
00:06:57,366 --> 00:06:59,330
You're right.
It's not my place.
186
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:00,433
God
187
00:07:02,316 --> 00:07:04,150
You know, I remember you saying
188
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:06,350
that you'd go out with me
that Sunday.
189
00:07:06,383 --> 00:07:09,233
I said "someday!"
190
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,000
Someday. And that was
only because
191
00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,000
you were standing
out on a ledge.
192
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,316
Is it
someday
yet?
193
00:07:20,183 --> 00:07:22,483
Oh, I don't know, Jeffrey.
I'm so busy.
194
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,483
I really don't know when
I'll find the time.
195
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,216
Hey, you're free Saturday.
It's your day off.
196
00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:30,200
Yes, that's true,
197
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,830
but I might
have
to go visit
198
00:07:32,116 --> 00:07:34,000
that poor little
boy
in the hospital,
199
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:35,116
after that unfortunate
200
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,416
high heel
to the butt
accident.
201
00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:41,483
Come on, Fran!
202
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,133
You're gonna be
late
for your date.
203
00:07:43,166 --> 00:07:44,433
The meter's running.
204
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:49,366
I don't feel 100 percent.
205
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,466
Do I sound like I'm
coming down with a
cold?
206
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,183
Constantly.
207
00:07:58,350 --> 00:07:59,383
No, I mean it.
208
00:07:59,416 --> 00:08:01,383
See if I have
a temperature.
209
00:08:01,416 --> 00:08:04,233
Oh, not the old thermometer
under a light bulb trick.
210
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,350
Brighton, please.
211
00:08:06,383 --> 00:08:08,400
A hundred and
twelve,
Miss Fine.
212
00:08:10,216 --> 00:08:12,250
Damn halogen lamps.
213
00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:16,266
Fran, I'm very proud of you
for going through with this.
214
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:19,000
It's never too late
to right a wrong.
215
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:21,116
Why aren't you under a
blanket
with a flashlight
216
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:23,483
readingNational Geographic
like a normal kid?
217
00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:27,483
Oh, Maxwell, please,
I'm begging you.
218
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,266
It'll only take
a couple of
minutes.
219
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,216
You don't
even
have to like
it.
220
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,416
There's a speech
she knows by heart.
221
00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:42,316
C.C., you know
my policy.
222
00:08:42,350 --> 00:08:44,316
I never read plays
written by friends...
223
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:45,416
or relatives,
224
00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:47,383
or that Broadway
bon vivant,
225
00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:49,160
your psychiatrist.
226
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,100
But I told him
you would read
it,
227
00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:52,200
and I don't want to
risk
offending him.
228
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,000
We're on the verge
of a breakthrough.
229
00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,830
Oh, good. Maybe he'll find
a personality we like.
230
00:08:58,366 --> 00:09:00,160
I'm terribly sorry, C.C.,
231
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,500
but I simply don't
do
business favors
232
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:03,166
for friends.
233
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,150
Well, I have to agree
with Mr. Sheffield
234
00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:06,250
on that one.
235
00:09:06,283 --> 00:09:07,416
I have an Uncle Aaron...
236
00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:09,233
[ALL GROANING]
237
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,660
He manufactured hernia trusses,
238
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,300
and he gave one
to his friend, Murray.
239
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:18,350
Well. P.S., he put
it on
backwards-- Murray
240
00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:20,183
--and cut off his circulation.
241
00:09:20,216 --> 00:09:21,316
Double amputation.
242
00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,433
And I'm not talking
about his legs.
243
00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:28,166
Miss Fine, isn't
this
your day off?
244
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,266
Um, yeah,
245
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:31,000
but I decided
that I owe you
246
00:09:31,330 --> 00:09:33,200
for that Jewish holiday
that I made up.
247
00:09:33,233 --> 00:09:35,383
You mean there
is no Matzo Day?
248
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,333
Nuh-uh.
249
00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:40,150
Well, we forgive you.
Just go on your date.
250
00:09:40,183 --> 00:09:42,200
Oh, yes, by all
means.
Go have fun.
251
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,160
Oh, no, no, no.
I have to-- Here--
252
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,350
I have to take Gracie
to her ballet class.
253
00:09:46,383 --> 00:09:48,316
Oh, no.
I'm taking
her.
Oh.
254
00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:51,416
Yeah, she's got a crush
on my teacher big time.
255
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:53,366
Oh, that's nice.
256
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,233
Oh, he is so
cute
and talented.
257
00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:59,133
You should see
his
impersonation
of Liza
258
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:07,350
I'm gonna have to have
a talk with her.
259
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:17,216
Good afternoon.
I'm here to meet a man.
260
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,233
Might I
suggest
happy hour
261
00:10:19,266 --> 00:10:21,830
at the Black Angus?
262
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:23,166
Ooh!
263
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,416
Oh, Oh. I'm so sorry.
264
00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:27,183
Oh. Never mind.
That's him.
265
00:10:27,216 --> 00:10:30,500
Oh, Franny. Oh.
Oh, look at you.
266
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:31,383
You look
"scrump-dilly-icious."
267
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:32,433
[LAUGHS]
268
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,216
He's a war hero.
269
00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:38,100
Here you are, my good man.
Your best table.
270
00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:39,216
Save it.
271
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:42,233
You may want to do
laundry later.
272
00:10:44,433 --> 00:10:45,450
Here we go.
273
00:10:48,466 --> 00:10:50,330
Thank you.
274
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:56,166
What?
275
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,216
Oh, no, no!
I brought one for you too.
276
00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,200
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no!
277
00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:00,400
That's very sweet,
278
00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:02,150
but I don't think
I'd be comfortable
279
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,150
sitting on wooden balls.
280
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:08,160
Least not on the first date.
281
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:14,166
I'm telling you,
you drive a cab,
282
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,200
everybody thinks
you're invisible.
283
00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:18,330
You know how many men
pick their nose? Huh?
284
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:19,266
I don't know. I can't say.
No, take a guess.
285
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,166
Go ahead, give it a shot.
Give it a shot.
286
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,100
One out of five.
287
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:27,233
Jeffrey, you're
such a
raconteur.
288
00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:29,250
Oh, I got
a million stories.
289
00:11:29,283 --> 00:11:31,333
You shouldn't
waste
them all on me.
290
00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:33,333
You should write
some of this stuff
down.
291
00:11:33,366 --> 00:11:35,500
Actually, I have.
Oh.
292
00:11:35,830 --> 00:11:36,183
I wrote a play.
293
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,433
Oh, isn't that
a coincidence?
294
00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:41,166
I happen to work
for a Broadway...
295
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,350
bus driver.
296
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:46,330
A bus driver
who can afford a nanny?
297
00:11:46,660 --> 00:11:47,316
Oh--
Unions.
298
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:51,183
Ooh! Oh,
I almost forgot. Here.
299
00:11:51,216 --> 00:11:52,383
Oh.
I brought this for you.
300
00:11:52,416 --> 00:11:55,183
Jeffrey, you
didn't
have to get
me...
301
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:57,450
a blue-frost
eye-shadow kit.
302
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:00,166
That's your blue-frost
eye-shadow kit.
303
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:03,366
You remember,
Mrs. Barnett confiscated it
from you in homeroom?
304
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,160
I swiped it from her desk.
305
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:10,183
And you saved it
all these years.
306
00:12:10,216 --> 00:12:13,466
Oh. Isn't that sweet, Jeffrey...
307
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,200
and yet,
oddly
disturbing.
308
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:20,400
You know what would make me
the happiest man on earth?
309
00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,830
What?
310
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,450
Look, I know you didn't
want
to do it with me
311
00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:27,450
in high school,
but I-I was hoping that
you'd changed your mind.
312
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,000
I-- I doubt it.
313
00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:32,466
Oh, what the hell.
314
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,416
Why don't we do it
right here on the floor?
315
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:35,483
Check, please!
316
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,660
Come on, Fran.
Do the hustle!
317
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,283
[INSTRUMENTAL VERSION
OF "I WILL SURVIVE" PLAYING]
318
00:12:39,316 --> 00:12:40,383
What?
Come on, please.
Dance with me.
319
00:12:40,416 --> 00:12:42,266
Oh, Jeffrey.
320
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:45,233
I don't think I
remember
the hustle anymore.
321
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,333
[BOTH CLAP]
322
00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:53,416
[CLAP]
323
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,000
[DOUBLE CLAP]
324
00:12:56,366 --> 00:12:57,450
[DOUBLE CLAP]
325
00:13:01,316 --> 00:13:03,500
Hoo, hoo.
Hoo, hoo.
326
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,116
Hoo, hoo.
Hoo, hoo.
327
00:13:21,216 --> 00:13:22,366
[MUSIC STOPS]
328
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,316
[APPLAUSE]
329
00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:26,830
[GIGGLES]
330
00:13:29,466 --> 00:13:31,160
Oh...
331
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,250
Jeffrey.
332
00:13:33,283 --> 00:13:36,000
I think I pulled
a hustle muscle.
333
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:38,483
That was fantastic.
334
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,660
Thank you.
I-I have a great partner
over at Arthur Murray.
335
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,216
She's 82, but, boy, can she
turn the beat around.
336
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,100
[GIGGLES]
337
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:50,000
You know, Jeffrey,
this wasn't such
a bad date after
all.
338
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,316
Good. Marry me.
339
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,266
[LAUGHS]
340
00:13:54,116 --> 00:13:55,300
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
341
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,366
Huh?
342
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,100
You're
kidding,
aren't you?
343
00:13:59,433 --> 00:14:01,100
Please.
344
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:02,283
Oh, Jeffrey...
345
00:14:02,316 --> 00:14:04,416
it's
incredibly
flattering,
346
00:14:04,450 --> 00:14:08,366
and I hope you don't
take this the wrong
way...
347
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,830
Jeffrey, Jeffrey,
don't jump.
348
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,150
[HORNS HONKING]
349
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,166
Did he pay
the check?
Mm.
350
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:17,383
Jeffrey, don't jump.
351
00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:19,333
You have too much
to live for!
352
00:14:19,366 --> 00:14:22,000
Yeah? Yeah?
Name one thing.
353
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:23,830
Give me a minute.
354
00:14:23,116 --> 00:14:24,366
[SIGHS]
Goodbye.
355
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:25,450
No, Jeffrey, wait!
356
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:27,000
[GASPS]
357
00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:28,150
He jumped?
358
00:14:28,183 --> 00:14:31,266
No. I leaned on
pigeon poop.
359
00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:35,433
I mean it.
I'm gonna
jump.
360
00:14:35,466 --> 00:14:37,350
Jeffrey, please.
I'll do whatever you say.
361
00:14:37,383 --> 00:14:39,500
Sleep with me.
362
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:40,366
What's your second choice?
363
00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:42,200
Another date.
364
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:43,466
Uh, what else you got?
365
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,100
Uh, okay,
fine.
That's it.
366
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:47,200
No, Jeffrey.
Wait. Wait!
367
00:14:47,233 --> 00:14:49,283
Maybe you should
take off your
heels.
368
00:14:49,316 --> 00:14:50,366
Are you crazy?
369
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,300
That would screw up
my balance completely!
370
00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:54,450
[BREATHING QUICKLY]
371
00:14:54,483 --> 00:14:56,250
Oh. Oh, my God!
372
00:14:56,283 --> 00:14:59,183
Jeffrey, look how
high up we are.
373
00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:02,483
Oh, Jeffrey. I'm scared.
Hold my hand! Hold my hand.
374
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,100
I'm gonna jump!
375
00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:06,416
Let go of my hand!
Let go of my hand!
376
00:15:08,166 --> 00:15:09,383
Oh, Jeffrey.
377
00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:12,416
Look at all those people
down there staring up at us.
378
00:15:12,450 --> 00:15:14,830
You wearing underwear?
379
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,416
Of course I am!
380
00:15:21,383 --> 00:15:23,450
Jeffrey, please,
let's go inside.
381
00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:25,483
No. No,
if I can't have
you,
382
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,233
I have no
reason
to live.
383
00:15:27,266 --> 00:15:28,333
Sure, you do.
384
00:15:28,366 --> 00:15:30,830
You've got friends.
None.
385
00:15:30,116 --> 00:15:31,183
Family.
Estranged.
386
00:15:31,216 --> 00:15:32,416
A dog.
Bit me.
387
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,450
I know. Your writing.
388
00:15:35,483 --> 00:15:37,316
Oh, yeah. That's a dead end.
389
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:38,483
Nobody's gonna
read my play.
390
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,116
In this town,
you have to know somebody.
391
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:43,100
I know somebody.
392
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:46,233
I work for Maxwell Sheffield,
the big Broadway producer.
393
00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:48,383
I thought you worked
for
a bus driver.
394
00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:51,316
Uh, bus driver
and Broadway producer.
395
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:54,660
Well, he wasn't gonna give
up
that pension.
396
00:15:57,483 --> 00:15:59,160
I don't mean
to be negative
here,
397
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,316
but I don't
think
this spud
398
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:01,416
is gonna get us an A.
399
00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:04,333
I don't need an A.
I always get an A.
400
00:16:04,366 --> 00:16:07,100
I want to see what
a D feels like.
401
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:09,450
Oh, you're mad
about the
dance.
402
00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:12,150
And they say
I'm the genius.
403
00:16:12,183 --> 00:16:14,266
Look, Brooke,
we've been friends
for a long time
now.
404
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:16,500
Why do things
have to change?
405
00:16:16,830 --> 00:16:18,300
I'm a woman now.
I have needs.
406
00:16:18,333 --> 00:16:19,450
Yeah, well,
I have needs
too.
407
00:16:19,483 --> 00:16:22,300
I need an A
in science.
Oh.
408
00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:25,266
MAXWELL:
Oh, hello, Brooke.
409
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,383
Men!
410
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,116
Women!
411
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,183
What was that
all about?
412
00:16:31,216 --> 00:16:33,250
Why do girls have to take
everything so personally?
413
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:35,466
Well, women are just different
from us, son.
414
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,383
They're-- They're
more emotional.
415
00:16:37,416 --> 00:16:39,116
I mean, when I get
a bad review,
416
00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:42,150
I don't run crying to Niles
and say, "I need a hug."
417
00:16:42,183 --> 00:16:44,433
Well, there was that one time
in New Haven...
418
00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:49,150
That review was scathing!
Mm.
419
00:16:50,283 --> 00:16:52,500
Thanks, guys. Big help.
420
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:55,400
Oh, Fran,
421
00:16:55,433 --> 00:16:57,216
I feel really guilty
about Brooke.
422
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:00,183
Oh, honey, take her,
don't take her.
423
00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:02,116
Do whatever
you want to do.
424
00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:04,450
Okay, I'll just grow
up
by myself.
425
00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:06,333
Fran, Fran.
426
00:17:06,366 --> 00:17:08,266
Fran, You like
my makeup?
427
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:11,830
Uh-huh.
Gracie's ballet teacher
did it for me.
428
00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:12,333
Oh.
429
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:18,830
Ballet teacher
and makeup
artist.
430
00:17:18,116 --> 00:17:20,133
Honey, we're definitely
gonna have to have a
talk.
431
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,400
Just not now, okay?
432
00:17:21,433 --> 00:17:23,466
I'm in a
terrible
hurry.
433
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,300
It was not a hug.
It was a pat on the back.
434
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:29,233
I'd just had
a particularly horrid review
435
00:17:29,266 --> 00:17:31,383
and was looking
for a little understanding.
436
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,183
You wept openly, sir,
437
00:17:33,216 --> 00:17:36,400
and it was very
uncomfortable for
me.
438
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:38,660
It was 1972.
439
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,183
We were all
getting in touch
with our feelings.
440
00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:43,350
Mr. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield!
441
00:17:43,383 --> 00:17:45,166
We got a crisis on our hands.
442
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,416
Don't crumble, sir.
443
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,316
Aren't you supposed
to be on a date?
444
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:51,183
Well, technically, I still am.
445
00:17:51,216 --> 00:17:52,283
Oh. How's it going?
446
00:17:52,316 --> 00:17:55,183
Oh, I've had better.
I've had worse.
447
00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:57,300
It's...kind of up in the air.
448
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,300
Why didn't you take
my emergency call?!
449
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:02,450
Because the last time
450
00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:04,660
you had the operator
break through,
451
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:06,400
it was to tape
The Bold and Beautiful.
452
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,283
Well, Storm was about
to marry Stephanie!
453
00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:10,433
So, what's the problem?
454
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:12,166
She's his mother.
455
00:18:16,183 --> 00:18:19,330
Miss Fine,
I believe you mentioned
something about a crisis.
456
00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:22,100
Oh, yeah! My date
is about to kill
himself!
457
00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:25,216
Hm. You didn't tell him
the hernia story, did you?
458
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,466
Or Aunt Frida's
liposuction mishap?
459
00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:30,433
Uncle Jack's dependence on vino?
460
00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:35,133
No! I'm serious.
461
00:18:35,166 --> 00:18:37,000
Uh, you have to
read his play.
462
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:38,400
It's a matter of
life and death.
463
00:18:38,433 --> 00:18:40,416
Maxwell, if she gets
to show you hers,
464
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:42,250
I get to show you mine.
465
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,116
Oh, that ain't worth
it.
Let him jump.
466
00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:47,466
Let who jump?
467
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,416
My date! He is
standing
out on a ledge.
468
00:18:50,450 --> 00:18:53,500
He's about to
kill himself!
469
00:18:53,830 --> 00:18:55,160
My God, this is terrible!
470
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,166
I'll say! Well,
not a total loss.
471
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,150
The Clams Casino
are to die for.
472
00:18:59,183 --> 00:19:01,000
See, the--
Not now, Brighton.
473
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:02,216
But I--
Later, honey!
474
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:03,316
But it's really
important.
475
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:06,133
I need to talk to
someone now!
476
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:08,216
Aunt C.C.'s still here.
477
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:10,116
It can wait.
478
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,000
Then she said,
"I'm sorry,"
479
00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:21,830
and...
480
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,660
[MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY]
481
00:19:26,316 --> 00:19:28,383
Wait. I'm not
through yet.
Miss--
482
00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:31,316
Miss Fine, there is
some urgency here.
483
00:19:31,350 --> 00:19:33,316
[MUMBLING]
484
00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:34,383
Okay.
485
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,283
Come on.
Is he through yet?
486
00:19:36,316 --> 00:19:37,483
I'm freezing out here.
487
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,200
Well, you know
what you could do.
488
00:19:40,233 --> 00:19:41,433
You could come in!
489
00:19:41,466 --> 00:19:44,300
You're ri-- Uh, n--
Uh, no. Nice try.
490
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:46,000
Here. I'm through
with the soup.
491
00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:47,166
You want a sweet?
492
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,116
Uh, no. No. Gotta
watch my weight.
493
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:52,160
What's the matter?
You're afraid you're gonna
make a bigger hole?
494
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:55,383
All right.
What do you got?
495
00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:58,316
Uh...they got
a tarte Tatin,
496
00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,100
a Linzer Torte.
497
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,250
Oh, this looks good.
498
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,100
You know, uh-- You
got
any chocolate cake?
499
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,333
No.
500
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:09,233
I don't hear laughing.
501
00:20:09,266 --> 00:20:11,000
[LAUGHS]
502
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:12,450
Really? Really?
Which part? Which
part?
503
00:20:12,483 --> 00:20:14,316
The funny part.
504
00:20:14,350 --> 00:20:16,330
He hates it.
505
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,366
Oh, what are you
listening to him for?
506
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,116
He passed onCats.
507
00:20:22,350 --> 00:20:25,200
It was singing
pussycat people...
508
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:27,433
in a giant garbage can.
509
00:20:27,466 --> 00:20:29,200
I mean, what would you
have done?
510
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:31,433
Two words, Mr. Sheffield:
511
00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:33,216
Still running.
512
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,366
Besides, Jeffrey,
why do you always care
513
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,100
what everybody else
thinks?
514
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:41,466
Why, you don't
think I should?
515
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:43,466
Hey!
516
00:20:45,383 --> 00:20:47,133
It's a
brilliant play.
517
00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:48,216
Oh, come on,
Mr. Sheffield.
518
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:49,383
You don't have to
lay it on so thick.
519
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,133
No. No, no, no.
I-I mean it.
520
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,133
[TAPS TABLE]
I'm going to option
it.
521
00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:54,466
Did you hear that,
Jeffrey?
522
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,283
He's gonna buy your play!
All ri--
523
00:20:57,316 --> 00:21:00,150
Aah!
No!
524
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:04,250
[CRASH]
525
00:21:04,283 --> 00:21:08,160
JEFFREY:
I'm all
right.
I'm all
526
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,133
My God, he landed
527
00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:11,166
right in that huge
mountain of garbage.
528
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,660
Oh, boy, is he lucky
we live in New York.
529
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:18,316
Oh, B,
530
00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:21,233
you look so handsome.
531
00:21:21,266 --> 00:21:22,333
Smile.
532
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:24,333
[WINDS CAMERA]
533
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,416
Oh, you and Brooke
are gonna be
534
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:27,333
the cutest couple
at the dance.
535
00:21:27,366 --> 00:21:29,233
Yeah, but the guys
are gonna shred me.
536
00:21:29,266 --> 00:21:31,660
Oh, honey,
you just remember
537
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:33,830
that you're more
mature
than they are.
538
00:21:33,116 --> 00:21:35,483
You just walk in there
and hold your head up
high.
539
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,283
Look them
square in the
eye
540
00:21:37,316 --> 00:21:40,200
and say,
"So's your
mother."
541
00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:43,233
So, Brighton,
542
00:21:43,266 --> 00:21:46,500
your first date
alone with a girl, hm?
543
00:21:46,830 --> 00:21:48,183
Is there, uh, anything
we need to talk about?
544
00:21:48,216 --> 00:21:50,266
Dad, please. I'm
going out with
Brooke.
545
00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:52,830
So you don't have
any questions?
546
00:21:52,116 --> 00:21:54,400
Yeah. Why am I
going out with
Brooke?
547
00:21:54,433 --> 00:21:56,330
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh. How do I look?
548
00:21:56,660 --> 00:21:57,830
Oh. Great.
Here you go.
549
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,350
Here you go.
Thank you.
550
00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:02,400
MAXWELL: Oh...
551
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:06,216
Wow.
552
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:08,416
Hi, Brighton.
553
00:22:08,450 --> 00:22:09,483
Wow.
554
00:22:11,133 --> 00:22:13,160
Are you ready to go, Brighton?
555
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:14,183
Just one second.
556
00:22:14,216 --> 00:22:16,150
Dad, can we have
that talk?
557
00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:19,333
Go on, son.
You'll be just fine.
558
00:22:19,366 --> 00:22:20,466
See? You did
the right
thing,
559
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,466
and God smiled
on you.
560
00:22:24,330 --> 00:22:25,333
God, Maybelline,
561
00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:27,416
and half a box
of Kleenex.
562
00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:29,450
[CLICKS]
563
00:22:29,483 --> 00:22:31,830
Thanks,
Fran.
564
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:32,450
Fran, how do I look?
565
00:22:32,483 --> 00:22:34,300
Ravishing, as always.
566
00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:36,200
Oh, good, because I'm
going to pick up
Gracie
567
00:22:36,233 --> 00:22:37,383
from ballet class.
568
00:22:37,416 --> 00:22:40,100
Oh, her teacher
is so gorgeous.
569
00:22:40,133 --> 00:22:43,150
I don't know who's cuter,
him or his roommate,
Chuck.
570
00:22:44,466 --> 00:22:46,183
Chuck, huh?
571
00:22:46,216 --> 00:22:50,316
Honey, it's time we had
that little talk.
572
00:22:50,350 --> 00:22:53,300
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
573
00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:54,366
Huh?
574
00:22:57,830 --> 00:22:58,116
Oh.
575
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,333
[WHISPERS]
576
00:23:00,366 --> 00:23:02,160
Oh!
577
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,400
[CHUCKLES]
Oh. Oh.
578
00:23:07,416 --> 00:23:09,416
Get ready.
579
00:23:09,450 --> 00:23:12,166
[INSTRUMENTAL "I WILL
SURVIVE" PLAYING]
580
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,450
[ALL CLAP]
581
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:16,400
[CLAP]
582
00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:18,316
[CLAP]
583
00:23:18,350 --> 00:23:19,383
Yeah.
584
00:23:19,416 --> 00:23:20,483
[CLAP]
585
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:22,400
[DOUBLE CLAP]
586
00:23:23,383 --> 00:23:24,466
[DOUBLE CLAP]
587
00:23:28,283 --> 00:23:30,660
ALL:
Hoo, hoo.
588
00:23:30,316 --> 00:23:31,483
Hoo, hoo.