1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:05,133
My teacher told us
about
the comet that hit
Jupiter.
2
00:00:05,166 --> 00:00:08,216
It exploded like
a million atom bombs.
3
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:11,316
Could it?
4
00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:13,116
Didn't you hear?
5
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,433
Well, next year,
around your birthday...
6
00:00:21,266 --> 00:00:24,350
...this giant comet
will obliterate us.
7
00:00:24,383 --> 00:00:25,200
Why do you think
we're living like this?
8
00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:30,830
Dad's spending all his money
because...
9
00:00:30,116 --> 00:00:31,450
[WHISPERING]
we're all gonna die.
10
00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:37,466
Hello, sweetheart.
11
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,300
[SCREAMS]
12
00:00:41,183 --> 00:00:42,100
Your sister's
in good voice
today.
13
00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:42,450
How's it going?
14
00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:45,000
Same old, same old.
15
00:00:46,233 --> 00:00:49,160
Ma, get out of the taxi!
16
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,416
It's a spring
in the dog's neck.
17
00:00:51,450 --> 00:00:54,400
What are you
so fascinated about?
18
00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,483
Oy.
- Leave me alone.
19
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,150
I like to sing
along in the theater.
20
00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:02,500
Ma, it wasn't a musical.
21
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,250
Ah, you should've seen
her
inSchindler's List.
22
00:01:05,283 --> 00:01:07,330
She was snapping her fingers
and singing away,
23
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,500
"Papa, can you hear me?"
24
00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,216
Meanwhile, the show
in my head
25
00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:12,483
was better than
that crap we just saw.
26
00:01:14,233 --> 00:01:15,383
So how was the theater, ladies?
27
00:01:15,416 --> 00:01:18,433
ALL:
Wonderful!
28
00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:20,400
Thank you
for the
tickets.
29
00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:23,216
Meanwhile,
my feet are killing
me.
30
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:27,160
Ma, those
aren't
your shoes!
31
00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:30,116
Oh. I kicked off my
shoes
in the theater.
32
00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:33,333
These must be the
lady's
sitting next to me.
33
00:01:33,366 --> 00:01:36,216
And you just put 'em on?
You don't even look down?
34
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:39,200
Sweetheart, I haven't
seen
my feet in 20 years.
35
00:01:41,830 --> 00:01:42,300
Whose raincoat is this?
36
00:01:44,133 --> 00:01:46,330
Oh, I'll tell you,
37
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:47,450
it's a miracle
that we got to Blimpie's
38
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,330
without them
throwing a net over us.
39
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,166
Come here, son.
Give Grandma a hug.
40
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:56,233
Harder.
41
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,166
Squeeze me.
[GROANS]
42
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,283
All right, Yetta, okay.
43
00:02:02,316 --> 00:02:04,216
You shoulda seen her
at Chippendales.
44
00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,660
Her entire social security
check
went down a G-string.
45
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,183
Well, as lucrative
as that sounds,
46
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,450
I really have
to get back to work.
47
00:02:10,483 --> 00:02:12,466
[CHUCKLING]
48
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,216
FRAN:
Oh, hi,
kids.
49
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:15,333
Look who I brought home
with me,
50
00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:17,433
Ma, and you remember
Grandma Yetta?
51
00:02:17,466 --> 00:02:21,330
Hi.
My littlepitselehs.
52
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:25,200
Oh, they're all their father.
53
00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:27,160
They got nothing from you.
54
00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:31,200
Ma, these are
not Fran's children.
55
00:02:31,233 --> 00:02:33,100
Fran doesn't have
any children.
56
00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:35,233
She's not married!
She's all alone!
57
00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:39,266
Louder, Ma, I don't
think
they heard you...
58
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,160
[SHOUTS]
in Uruguay!
59
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:47,100
More importantly, why doesn't
anyone ever eat these fruit?
60
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:49,366
Because they're wax.
61
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,466
Even the grapes?
62
00:02:57,483 --> 00:03:00,216
Fran, she's gonna drive me
to the loony bin.
63
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,200
I got news for you, Ma,
you're already there.
64
00:03:05,383 --> 00:03:07,266
You guys
argue a lot.
65
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,166
Oh, no, we
don't,
honey.
66
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,330
It's just that
we're all
so very different.
67
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:12,333
It's hard to believe
we're from the same
family.
68
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,133
Oh, wait a minute, Ma.
69
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:16,660
You got a little
schmutz
there.
70
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:17,216
Hold on.
You got some mascara.
71
00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:21,830
Hold it.
72
00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:23,366
Whose purse is this?
73
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,466
Let me see that.
74
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,350
Boy, today's your lucky day,
Ma.
The purse matches the shoes.
75
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,000
Okay, kids, get ready
for supper. Say goodbye.
76
00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:37,000
BRIGHTON: Bye, everyone.
GRACE: Bye.
77
00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:39,133
Goodbye, my darling.
- Nice kids.
78
00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:41,433
Meanwhile,
they don't say two words.
79
00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:43,250
Who could get two words
in with you?
80
00:03:43,283 --> 00:03:45,216
Ma, don't wind me up.
81
00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,166
Don't hit Nanna.
What are you, an animal?
82
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,316
Don't talk to your
mother
like that.
83
00:03:54,183 --> 00:03:56,300
Well, all good things
must come to an end.
84
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:59,333
Bye, Ma.
Bye, Grandma Yetta.
85
00:03:59,366 --> 00:04:01,500
We'll go to the theater
again soon.
86
00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:02,660
Maybe next time
you could pick up a hat.
87
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:04,266
Didn't you
tell her?
88
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:05,166
What?
89
00:04:06,316 --> 00:04:08,400
Sweetheart,
90
00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:11,166
they're tenting the
retirement home for termites.
91
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,166
Oh, fun.
92
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,333
So you're gonna
go stay with Ma?
93
00:04:14,366 --> 00:04:15,316
Sorta.
94
00:04:17,433 --> 00:04:19,333
"Sorta" like Ultrasuede
is sorta washable?
95
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,116
Or "sorta" like
you're sorta a size
eight?
96
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:29,416
Well, Iam
in the United Kingdom.
97
00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:32,250
Ma...
- No, "sorta" like,
98
00:04:32,283 --> 00:04:34,383
"Maybe she could sorta
stay with you."
99
00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:36,216
Here?
100
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:38,300
Ma, why can't she stay
at your place?
101
00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:41,250
No. I don't wanna be
a burden on family.
102
00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:42,316
These people, I don't know.
103
00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:48,660
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
104
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,200
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
105
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:51,160
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
106
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,200
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
107
00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:54,160
♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪
108
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,266
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
109
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:58,383
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
110
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,166
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
111
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,000
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
112
00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:04,233
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
113
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:06,183
♪ She had style, she had flair,
She was there ♪
114
00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:10,266
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
115
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:13,200
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
116
00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:15,250
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
117
00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:16,233
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
118
00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:18,000
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
119
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:19,660
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
120
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,266
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
121
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,830
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
122
00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:24,233
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
123
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:27,416
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
124
00:05:27,450 --> 00:05:28,450
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
125
00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:35,200
Maxwell, have I ever told you
126
00:05:35,233 --> 00:05:36,416
how much I love working
out of the house?
127
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,316
I feel I belong here.
128
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:42,466
And the children are really
warming up to me.
129
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,183
[PHONE RINGS]
130
00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:48,000
Hello.
131
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:49,200
No, there's no Maggie here.
You have the wrong number.
132
00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:51,233
Excuse me, C.C.
133
00:05:51,266 --> 00:05:53,216
My daughter... Maggie?
134
00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,283
Oh.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
135
00:05:55,316 --> 00:05:56,433
Hello.
136
00:05:56,466 --> 00:05:58,433
Oh, Greg, listen,
137
00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:01,330
you do know Maggie
has her own line, don't
you?
138
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:02,300
Yeah, well,
that's quite all right.
139
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,450
Well,
I'm very glad you like her.
140
00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:08,200
Yeah, and I'm thrilled
she drives you crazy.
141
00:06:08,233 --> 00:06:10,250
Yeah, keep going, Greg,
and you'll never see her
again.
142
00:06:10,283 --> 00:06:11,330
Goodbye, Greg.
143
00:06:12,366 --> 00:06:13,400
[KNOCKS]
Knock, knock.
144
00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:15,000
Yes, Miss Fine, what is it?
145
00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:17,200
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
146
00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:19,350
you just gotta indulge
me
here a minute.
147
00:06:19,383 --> 00:06:21,233
You're not
gonna believe
this.
148
00:06:21,266 --> 00:06:24,366
My grandmother's retirement home
is infested with termites,
149
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,200
and my mother came up
with the bright idea...
150
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:29,216
Get ready for a lulu.
151
00:06:31,416 --> 00:06:34,183
...that she should come
stay here with us!
152
00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:36,116
[ALL LAUGH]
153
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,300
I know.
I know.
154
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,483
She's a borderline klepto.
155
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,160
We wouldn't have a candy
dish
left in the house.
156
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,466
[ALL LAUGH]
157
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,500
Oh, well, I'll go tell my
mother
that she's nuts.
158
00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:52,500
Well, at least we know
where she gets it.
159
00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:57,200
[LAUGHS]
160
00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:59,433
Well, you know, Miss Fine,
sometimes you feel like a
nut,
161
00:06:59,466 --> 00:07:00,433
sometimes you don't.
162
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,116
[HE CHUCKLES]
163
00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:06,416
What's so funny?
Poking fun at a little old
lady?
164
00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:08,366
What's that, that British
humor
that nobody gets?
165
00:07:10,116 --> 00:07:12,183
Well, Miss Fine, you--
166
00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:14,116
You just said yourself
she was a klepto.
167
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,166
Yeah, well, I'm allowed.
168
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,266
She'smy
169
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,350
Well, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to offend
you,
170
00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,183
but can't she stay
with your mother?
171
00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:23,150
No. The big cats
can't share a cage.
172
00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:29,400
Don't back down, Maxwell.
173
00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,466
We don't need some old crone
running around the house.
174
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,266
Yes. We are crone-heavy, sir.
175
00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:39,250
Although, with two,
we'd have a set.
176
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,500
Never mind,
Mr.
Sheffield.
177
00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:50,450
I'll just take her to one
of those 24-hour markets,
178
00:07:50,483 --> 00:07:53,450
and let her squeeze
fruit
for a couple of days.
179
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:55,266
All right, look,
Miss Fine. I'll--
180
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,400
I'll put her up
at the St. Regis Hotel.
181
00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:58,350
How's that, hm?
182
00:07:58,383 --> 00:08:00,350
She'll have room service,
everything. Fit for a queen.
183
00:08:00,383 --> 00:08:04,483
You can't insult
family like that.
184
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,216
Me, you can send.
I got thick skin.
185
00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,433
Besides, I think
that it's good for
children
186
00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:12,316
to spend time with
their grandmother.
187
00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:14,350
She's not their grandmother.
188
00:08:14,383 --> 00:08:16,300
Oh, all right.
You tell her.
189
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:18,283
She stays alone
like a dog in that
home.
190
00:08:18,316 --> 00:08:19,316
[SCOFFS]
191
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,116
Fine.
Let her stay.
192
00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:25,283
As a matter of fact,
I want her to stay.
193
00:08:25,316 --> 00:08:26,333
She can have the master bedroom.
194
00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:29,166
Oh, no.
195
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,250
With that marble tub?
She'll slip, break her
hip.
196
00:08:31,283 --> 00:08:32,183
You'll have a
lawsuit
on your hands.
197
00:08:32,216 --> 00:08:33,200
Miss Fine!
198
00:08:35,283 --> 00:08:37,116
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Sheffield,
199
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,483
Thank you so much.
200
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,466
And I promise you won't
even
know that she's here.
201
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,183
Mm.
202
00:08:42,216 --> 00:08:51,483
[FRENCH CABARET MUSIC PLAYING]
203
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,116
Frannie, can I sit outside
in my brassiere?
204
00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:56,166
Will anyone see?
205
00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:02,133
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
206
00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:15,133
Miss Fine,
are you aware of
this?
207
00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:18,300
Yeah,Body Heat,
William
Hurt and Kathleen Turner...
208
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,500
before her little side trip
to Pepperidge Farm.
209
00:09:22,266 --> 00:09:25,160
Maggie is only 15 years old.
210
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,216
She's much too young
to be watching movies this
racy.
211
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:29,333
Oh, you call this racy?
212
00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:32,233
You obviously never saw
The Postman Always Rings
Twice.
213
00:09:32,266 --> 00:09:34,216
Oh, when he cleared that table!
214
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:35,450
Hoo-ha!
215
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,266
Where is she, anyway?
216
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,433
I mean, is she ever coming back
from this date,
217
00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,250
or has she just moved out?
218
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:46,330
Relax. She's been back
for an hour.
219
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,166
Oh, really?
I didn't hear her come
in.
220
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,133
Well, I didn't say
she came in.
221
00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,450
Leave them alone!
222
00:09:52,483 --> 00:09:54,133
Leave them alone.
223
00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,500
Wh-wh-what are they doing?
224
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,183
Nothing, nothing,
all four hands are
visible.
225
00:09:58,216 --> 00:10:01,660
One, two, three...
226
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,483
Here comes four!
Here comes four!
227
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,416
How much time
does he need?
228
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:06,166
I mean, they just went
on the date for heaven sakes.
229
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,000
He's not leaving
for the Crimean War.
230
00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:09,200
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
231
00:10:10,316 --> 00:10:11,283
Hello, children.
232
00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:12,200
Goodbye, Greg.
233
00:10:13,283 --> 00:10:14,330
[MOUTHS SILENTLY]
234
00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:17,316
I can't believe
you did that.
235
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,830
I've never been so embarrassed
in my life.
236
00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:20,483
Oh, really?
237
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,333
Not even when you were
watchingBody Heat?
238
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:30,250
You went in my room?
239
00:10:30,283 --> 00:10:32,330
Have you ever heard of privacy?
240
00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:33,450
How would you like if I
went through your stuff?
241
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,300
Oh, don't bother.
He locks everything.
242
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,133
I don't ever want you seeing
that boy again.
243
00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:45,283
You can't stop me.
- Oh, ho, ho. Watch this.
244
00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:46,350
You're grounded.
245
00:10:46,383 --> 00:10:48,200
I hate you.
246
00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:50,250
[MOCKS]
Well, that's tough.
247
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,100
You forgot to
stick
your tongue out.
248
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,333
Well, you might have
backed me up a little.
249
00:10:53,366 --> 00:10:55,150
Me? The Pips
couldn't backyou
up.
250
00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,133
What's all the commotion?
251
00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:01,433
He went through my things.
252
00:11:01,466 --> 00:11:06,160
Oh, honey,
I know just how you feel.
253
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,150
At the home, they
ransack your room
254
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,466
two, three times a month
255
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,160
looking for cake.
256
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,416
Come, we'll talk.
257
00:11:15,450 --> 00:11:18,183
Don't fight in front
of the kids.
- Ow!
258
00:11:18,216 --> 00:11:19,183
Ow!
259
00:11:21,383 --> 00:11:23,333
See how sensitive Yetta is.
260
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:26,133
She'll be a great
influence
on Maggie.
261
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,116
YETTA:
You want a
cigarette?
262
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:36,150
Good morning, Niles.
263
00:11:36,183 --> 00:11:37,466
Mm-hm.
264
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,283
What's the matter with you?
265
00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:41,183
Oh, it's very disturbing to see
266
00:11:41,216 --> 00:11:43,500
Mr. Sheffield
and Miss Margaret fight.
267
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,100
Oh, that was a fight?
268
00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:48,283
"I hate you!" "Who
cares?"
and now, pft.
269
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,483
In my house the fight
ain't over until the fat
lady
270
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,366
grabs the Ginsu and says,
"Here, cut my heart out."
271
00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:57,166
No, we never say a cross word
in our family.
272
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,330
We just die very early
of colon disorders.
273
00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:02,233
Morning, everyone.
274
00:12:02,266 --> 00:12:03,216
FRAN:
Good morning.
275
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,500
Niles, tea.
NILES: Mm-hm.
276
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,416
[SIGHS]
277
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:13,160
What on earth is that?
278
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,116
Grandma Yetta says this tea bag
still has seven cups left in it.
279
00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:19,400
My Bubby Yetta
doesn't like to waste
anything.
280
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,283
If food is moldy,
it's a vaccine.
281
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,366
[LAUGHS]
282
00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:27,466
Oh, come on, lighten up.
283
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,383
You gonna be this way
when Maggie comes down?
284
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,100
If I'd ever talked to my
father
the way she talked to me,
285
00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:34,416
I'd have been throttled
to within an inch of my
life
286
00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:37,233
and thrown in the root cellar.
287
00:12:37,266 --> 00:12:42,000
Oy, why do you always have to
take me to Oliver Twist Land?
288
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:45,000
Do you know how many times
I told my father I hated him?
289
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,300
Yeah. And how did he react?
- Ah, who the hell knows.
290
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,183
He couldn't hear a damn thing
over thatBonanza
291
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:50,116
blasting in the background.
292
00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:57,266
Good morning, Margaret.
293
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:01,400
Daddy, I'm sorry
I said I hated
you.
294
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:04,000
Bubby Yetta says you only
have
one father, and she's right.
295
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:08,160
Well, I'm sorry too.
296
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,366
And you were gonna tell her
that she's not grounded
anymore.
297
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,300
You almost forgot that part.
298
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,100
Ah, yes,
I was going to say that.
299
00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:17,350
What she said.
300
00:13:17,383 --> 00:13:19,160
Well, Miss Fine, it seems
I underestimated your booby.
301
00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,283
That's "Bubby."
302
00:13:25,316 --> 00:13:27,116
No one's ever underestimated
my booby.
303
00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:34,160
You know, Dad,
it's a real pretty day.
304
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,166
Greg asked
if I could go on a picnic.
305
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,433
May I?
306
00:13:36,466 --> 00:13:37,483
Well, Margaret,
I don't think--
307
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,216
[SPOON TAPS]
308
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,250
Uh, that sounds
like a good
idea.
309
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:43,183
So long as you're
back by 6:00...
310
00:13:43,216 --> 00:13:44,133
[SPOON TAPS]
7:00...
311
00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:45,166
[SPOON TAPS] 8:00.
312
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:45,450
[SPOON DINGS ON GLASS]
313
00:13:47,183 --> 00:13:49,000
Thanks, guys.
314
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,400
Have a wonderful time,
315
00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:52,330
and don't do anything
that I forgot I did.
316
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,216
Oh, don't worry.
I had a long
conversation
with Yetta.
317
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,216
FRAN:
Good.
318
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,266
You know, Yetta turns
out
to be pretty cool.
319
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,400
Look, she gave me 100 bucks
for my bar mitzvah.
320
00:14:07,433 --> 00:14:09,116
Of course, she also
thinks
my name is "Schmuey."
321
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,266
Something smells.
322
00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,433
Just eat it.
323
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:18,200
No, like something's burning.
[SHE SNIFFS]
324
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,100
[ALL SNIFF]
- Yeah. Seems to be
coming from upstairs.
325
00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:22,466
Oh, my God. Yetta!
326
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,366
I can't believe she
would
be smoking in bed,
327
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,183
not after that Circle 7
motel
went up in--
328
00:14:28,216 --> 00:14:29,266
Never mind.
329
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,266
Yetta! Yetta!
330
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,150
Stand back.
331
00:14:33,183 --> 00:14:34,250
FRAN:
Oh!
332
00:14:34,283 --> 00:14:35,116
[GASPS]
333
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,216
Well, I was right.
334
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,160
She was smokin'.
335
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,283
Oh, my God.
Yetta!
336
00:14:54,316 --> 00:14:56,316
What a coincidence.
337
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:59,160
Saul said the same
thing
not 10 minutes ago.
338
00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:05,233
What the devil's burning?
339
00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:07,660
Oh, God.
340
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,200
Oh, Saul,
I ruined your
bagel.
341
00:15:09,233 --> 00:15:10,166
Oh, no, no.
342
00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:13,383
You can just scrape off
the top.
343
00:15:13,416 --> 00:15:15,500
It's still good.
344
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,100
Miss Fine.
345
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,330
What did you do with
all the cream cheese?
346
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:28,183
Thank you, Miss Fine.
347
00:15:28,216 --> 00:15:31,316
Thank you for bringing
this influence into my home.
348
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:33,433
Well, you know, Mr. Sheffield,
349
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:37,660
it's really kind of
sweet
if you think about
it.
350
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,660
Are you out of your mind?
351
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,183
This is the Sheffield home.
352
00:15:42,216 --> 00:15:43,383
No one ever has sex
in this house.
353
00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:52,500
This...this is the woman
you let give my daughter
354
00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,133
advice about sex?
355
00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:56,660
Well, at least you know
the advice was current.
356
00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:00,160
Margaret.
357
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,100
Oh, Miss Margaret
just left, sir.
358
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:04,233
Oh, good morning,
Miss Rosenberg, Mr.
Knasel.
359
00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,300
What? You knew about this?
360
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,283
Yes, my room is directly
beneath theirs.
361
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:11,450
Bravo.
362
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,100
I-I just can't believe I gave
Maggie permission to go.
363
00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:25,483
She's just a little girl.
364
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,133
Well, now,
don't get all
upset.
365
00:16:28,166 --> 00:16:30,160
We don't know
what Yetta told
her.
366
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:31,166
Told who?
367
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,160
Maggie!
368
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,150
I told her we could
all die tomorrow.
369
00:16:35,183 --> 00:16:36,116
Go for it.
370
00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:40,283
Go for...?
All right.
371
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:41,250
Now you can be upset.
372
00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:45,366
I hold you completely
responsible for this.
373
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,150
Why?
What did I do?
374
00:16:47,183 --> 00:16:48,416
She's your grandmother.
375
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:50,283
Oh, we don't know that for sure.
376
00:16:50,316 --> 00:16:52,283
Some woman comes
walking outta
Europe
377
00:16:52,316 --> 00:16:54,266
with a dining-room
table
strapped to her back.
378
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,383
She could be anybody's relative.
379
00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,150
What?
380
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:05,150
Good night, Niles.
381
00:17:05,183 --> 00:17:06,466
It is now.
382
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,383
[CHUCKLES]
383
00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:10,830
Oh, Niles.
384
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:13,433
Dear, sweet, pompous Niles.
385
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,400
Maxwell and Nanny Fine
are on the outs,
386
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:18,150
and there is nothing you can say
387
00:17:18,183 --> 00:17:21,300
to ruin this glorious
feeling
I have. [CHUCKLES]
388
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,466
You wanna bet?
389
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:36,830
Grandma Yetta, aged 80,
living in a home,
390
00:17:36,116 --> 00:17:38,316
got a heap o' good
loving last night.
391
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:42,200
And you?
392
00:17:52,266 --> 00:17:53,450
I hate my life!
393
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,000
Thank you!
394
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,200
Pst.
Niles.
395
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:04,250
Oh, the coast is clear,
Miss Fine.
396
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,450
Oh, boy, here she is now.
Devil with the blue hair on.
397
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:09,383
[CHUCKLES]
398
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,450
What?
What?
399
00:18:11,483 --> 00:18:13,316
Franny.
What? What? What?
400
00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:16,830
You left your wallet
right on top of your
dresser.
401
00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:16,483
So?
402
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,250
Thank you.
403
00:18:22,283 --> 00:18:25,416
Franny, I know it's none
of my business.
404
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:29,216
But it might help your
marriage
if you got rid of that blond
405
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:33,000
your husband's always
hanging around with.
406
00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:35,266
I don't know if you
noticed,
but your kids are blond.
407
00:18:38,266 --> 00:18:42,100
They're not my kids.
He's not my husband.
408
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:43,183
Oy, she couldn't have
spaced out like this
409
00:18:43,216 --> 00:18:45,330
with Mr. Sheffield, no!
410
00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:46,333
With him, she could recall
things from the womb.
411
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,216
All I'm saying...
- Yeah.
412
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:53,216
is a blond like that,
with big shoulder pads,
413
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:55,366
dragged off your grandfather.
414
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,660
That was a Cossack.
415
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:02,216
Hi, Grandma Yetta.
416
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,433
Oh, come here, angel-puss.
417
00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:08,000
Ooh.
418
00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:11,830
So...
how was your day?
419
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,200
Great. I'm not worried
about the end of the world.
420
00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,200
I'm gonna live life
to the fullest.
421
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,233
Attagirl.
What did I tell you?
422
00:19:17,266 --> 00:19:18,116
Go for it.
423
00:19:20,466 --> 00:19:22,333
"Go for it"?
424
00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:24,183
I thought you told that
to Maggie?
425
00:19:24,216 --> 00:19:26,160
That's not Maggie?
426
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,200
No. That's Grace.
427
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,283
Now I'm confused.
428
00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:32,450
Grace is the little one,
429
00:19:32,483 --> 00:19:34,183
Schmuey is the boy...
430
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,660
and the tall one is Maggie.
431
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,416
Hot pants?
Yeah.
432
00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:45,500
Tell her to "go for
it"?
What am I, senile?
433
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:46,483
Your husband would
throw me out of the house.
434
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:54,100
Oh, Mr.
Sheffield,
here you are.
435
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,266
What are you doing out
here?
Waiting for Maggie?
436
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:59,166
No, I just have a game
of stoopball in five
minutes.
437
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,383
Where is she?
438
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:03,166
Well, I've got
good news for
you.
439
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,830
Remember when we thought
that Grandma Yetta
440
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:07,660
told her to go
for it with
Greg?
441
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,283
Yeah.
Well, we were wrong.
442
00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:10,483
Oh, thank God.
443
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,283
She told Gracie.
444
00:20:13,316 --> 00:20:16,160
Oh, much better.
She's only seven.
445
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,000
And here I thought
the woman was a kook.
446
00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:22,416
In any event, Margaret
still isn't home.
447
00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:24,433
[DOOR SHUTS]
Well, you know,
it was a picnic.
448
00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:27,000
These things have
to go at their own
flow.
449
00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:28,433
You have to eat,
then my mother always says
450
00:20:28,466 --> 00:20:30,250
you have to wait
at least an hour
451
00:20:30,283 --> 00:20:31,183
before you do
strenuous
physical activity--
452
00:20:32,283 --> 00:20:35,000
Like Frisbee.
453
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:37,166
Please, Miss Fine,
I'm just not in the mood.
454
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,183
No man's ever said that
to me before.
455
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,100
Although I'm sure Lisa Marie
is getting an earful of it.
456
00:20:52,316 --> 00:20:54,233
Come on, Mr. Sheffield,
457
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:56,116
has Maggie ever given you
a reason not to trust her?
458
00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,416
Yes.
459
00:20:57,450 --> 00:21:00,333
And they all coincided
with your arrival.
460
00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:02,366
Suddenly she wants to go
kissing
boys and going off to parties
461
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,416
and concerts and things.
462
00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:06,416
Who does she think she
is?
A teenage girl?
463
00:21:06,450 --> 00:21:08,150
Mm.
464
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,150
Oh, Miss Fine,
I'm her father.
465
00:21:10,183 --> 00:21:12,400
I-I just want
to protect her.
466
00:21:12,433 --> 00:21:14,433
I know, but
sometimes
you're just gonna
467
00:21:14,466 --> 00:21:18,216
have to sit on your hands
and, uh, let them grow up.
468
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,433
What if she grows up wrong?
469
00:21:20,466 --> 00:21:23,330
Well, you've still got
Schmuey
and the little one.
470
00:21:26,466 --> 00:21:29,416
Come on, Mr. Sheffield.
Don't be her enemy.
471
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,283
No, of course not. That's
the last thing I want to do.
472
00:21:32,316 --> 00:21:33,333
MAGGIE:
Thanks, Greg.
473
00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:35,366
She's home.
474
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,000
How long does it take,
a picnic, huh?
475
00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:39,316
Oh, now, now, now.
You see?
476
00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:41,166
You're getting
all wound up
again.
477
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,133
Just calm down.
478
00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:45,330
Don't let her think
that you were
worried.
479
00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:46,366
In fact, why don't you
just go upstairs?
480
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,433
Go ahead.
But I--
481
00:21:47,466 --> 00:21:49,133
I'll be up in a minute.
482
00:21:49,166 --> 00:21:51,330
Trust is a good thing.
483
00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,433
Trust is character building.
Go ahead.
484
00:21:53,466 --> 00:21:55,383
I'll take care of everything.
485
00:21:55,416 --> 00:21:57,100
Everything's fine.
486
00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,483
[DOOR CLOSES]
487
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,283
Where the hell have you been?
488
00:22:00,316 --> 00:22:02,133
Do you know what time it is?
489
00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,000
Your father was so worried,
I had to send him to bed.
490
00:22:05,330 --> 00:22:06,300
Fran, we
didn't
do anything.
491
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:07,483
Greg and I
decided
to cool it.
492
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,300
Why?
I mean,good!
493
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,000
I'm just not ready yet.
494
00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:15,383
Besides, do you think
I'd get into any serious
stuff
495
00:22:15,416 --> 00:22:17,216
without talking to you first?
496
00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,400
Oh, well, I thought
you talked to Yetta.
497
00:22:18,433 --> 00:22:20,216
Yetta?
498
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:22,233
Please, I zoned
out
somewhere around
499
00:22:22,266 --> 00:22:24,300
"buying a cow when you
can get the milk for
free."
500
00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:27,300
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That sounds like her.
501
00:22:27,333 --> 00:22:29,266
Well, it should take you
a good long while
502
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:32,160
to get that image
out of your head.
503
00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:34,300
And, in the meantime,
let me tell you
something
504
00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:37,450
that's a little more hip
and a little more
happening.
505
00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:41,660
Don't do a thing
if you ain't got that
ring.
506
00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:42,266
♪Doo-wap, doo-wap, doo-wap
507
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:51,183
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
508
00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:04,400
Thatverklempt
is so funny.
509
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,660
Oh, please.
Who talks like that?
510
00:23:13,466 --> 00:23:15,233
And that big hair.
511
00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:20,183
I think it's very
stereotypical.