1 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:05,133 My teacher told us about the comet that hit Jupiter. 2 00:00:05,166 --> 00:00:08,216 It exploded like a million atom bombs. 3 00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:11,316 Could it? 4 00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:13,116 Didn't you hear? 5 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,433 Well, next year, around your birthday... 6 00:00:21,266 --> 00:00:24,350 ...this giant comet will obliterate us. 7 00:00:24,383 --> 00:00:25,200 Why do you think we're living like this? 8 00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:30,830 Dad's spending all his money because... 9 00:00:30,116 --> 00:00:31,450 [WHISPERING] we're all gonna die. 10 00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:37,466 Hello, sweetheart. 11 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,300 [SCREAMS] 12 00:00:41,183 --> 00:00:42,100 Your sister's in good voice today. 13 00:00:42,133 --> 00:00:42,450 How's it going? 14 00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:45,000 Same old, same old. 15 00:00:46,233 --> 00:00:49,160 Ma, get out of the taxi! 16 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,416 It's a spring in the dog's neck. 17 00:00:51,450 --> 00:00:54,400 What are you so fascinated about? 18 00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,483 Oy. - Leave me alone. 19 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,150 I like to sing along in the theater. 20 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:02,500 Ma, it wasn't a musical. 21 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:05,250 Ah, you should've seen her inSchindler's List. 22 00:01:05,283 --> 00:01:07,330 She was snapping her fingers and singing away, 23 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,500 "Papa, can you hear me?" 24 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,216 Meanwhile, the show in my head 25 00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:12,483 was better than that crap we just saw. 26 00:01:14,233 --> 00:01:15,383 So how was the theater, ladies? 27 00:01:15,416 --> 00:01:18,433 ALL: Wonderful! 28 00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:20,400 Thank you for the tickets. 29 00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:23,216 Meanwhile, my feet are killing me. 30 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:27,160 Ma, those aren't your shoes! 31 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:30,116 Oh. I kicked off my shoes in the theater. 32 00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:33,333 These must be the lady's sitting next to me. 33 00:01:33,366 --> 00:01:36,216 And you just put 'em on? You don't even look down? 34 00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:39,200 Sweetheart, I haven't seen my feet in 20 years. 35 00:01:41,830 --> 00:01:42,300 Whose raincoat is this? 36 00:01:44,133 --> 00:01:46,330 Oh, I'll tell you, 37 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:47,450 it's a miracle that we got to Blimpie's 38 00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,330 without them throwing a net over us. 39 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,166 Come here, son. Give Grandma a hug. 40 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:56,233 Harder. 41 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,166 Squeeze me. [GROANS] 42 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,283 All right, Yetta, okay. 43 00:02:02,316 --> 00:02:04,216 You shoulda seen her at Chippendales. 44 00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:07,660 Her entire social security check went down a G-string. 45 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,183 Well, as lucrative as that sounds, 46 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,450 I really have to get back to work. 47 00:02:10,483 --> 00:02:12,466 [CHUCKLING] 48 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,216 FRAN: Oh, hi, kids. 49 00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:15,333 Look who I brought home with me, 50 00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:17,433 Ma, and you remember Grandma Yetta? 51 00:02:17,466 --> 00:02:21,330 Hi. My littlepitselehs. 52 00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:25,200 Oh, they're all their father. 53 00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:27,160 They got nothing from you. 54 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:31,200 Ma, these are not Fran's children. 55 00:02:31,233 --> 00:02:33,100 Fran doesn't have any children. 56 00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:35,233 She's not married! She's all alone! 57 00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:39,266 Louder, Ma, I don't think they heard you... 58 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,160 [SHOUTS] in Uruguay! 59 00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:47,100 More importantly, why doesn't anyone ever eat these fruit? 60 00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:49,366 Because they're wax. 61 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,466 Even the grapes? 62 00:02:57,483 --> 00:03:00,216 Fran, she's gonna drive me to the loony bin. 63 00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,200 I got news for you, Ma, you're already there. 64 00:03:05,383 --> 00:03:07,266 You guys argue a lot. 65 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,166 Oh, no, we don't, honey. 66 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,330 It's just that we're all so very different. 67 00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:12,333 It's hard to believe we're from the same family. 68 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,133 Oh, wait a minute, Ma. 69 00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:16,660 You got a little schmutz there. 70 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:17,216 Hold on. You got some mascara. 71 00:03:20,150 --> 00:03:21,830 Hold it. 72 00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:23,366 Whose purse is this? 73 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,466 Let me see that. 74 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,350 Boy, today's your lucky day, Ma. The purse matches the shoes. 75 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,000 Okay, kids, get ready for supper. Say goodbye. 76 00:03:36,330 --> 00:03:37,000 BRIGHTON: Bye, everyone. GRACE: Bye. 77 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:39,133 Goodbye, my darling. - Nice kids. 78 00:03:39,166 --> 00:03:41,433 Meanwhile, they don't say two words. 79 00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:43,250 Who could get two words in with you? 80 00:03:43,283 --> 00:03:45,216 Ma, don't wind me up. 81 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:47,166 Don't hit Nanna. What are you, an animal? 82 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,316 Don't talk to your mother like that. 83 00:03:54,183 --> 00:03:56,300 Well, all good things must come to an end. 84 00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:59,333 Bye, Ma. Bye, Grandma Yetta. 85 00:03:59,366 --> 00:04:01,500 We'll go to the theater again soon. 86 00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:02,660 Maybe next time you could pick up a hat. 87 00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:04,266 Didn't you tell her? 88 00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:05,166 What? 89 00:04:06,316 --> 00:04:08,400 Sweetheart, 90 00:04:08,433 --> 00:04:11,166 they're tenting the retirement home for termites. 91 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,166 Oh, fun. 92 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,333 So you're gonna go stay with Ma? 93 00:04:14,366 --> 00:04:15,316 Sorta. 94 00:04:17,433 --> 00:04:19,333 "Sorta" like Ultrasuede is sorta washable? 95 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,116 Or "sorta" like you're sorta a size eight? 96 00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:29,416 Well, Iam in the United Kingdom. 97 00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:32,250 Ma... - No, "sorta" like, 98 00:04:32,283 --> 00:04:34,383 "Maybe she could sorta stay with you." 99 00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:36,216 Here? 100 00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:38,300 Ma, why can't she stay at your place? 101 00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:41,250 No. I don't wanna be a burden on family. 102 00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:42,316 These people, I don't know. 103 00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:48,660 [THEME SONG PLAYS] 104 00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,200 ♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪ 105 00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:51,160 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 106 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,200 ♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪ 107 00:04:52,233 --> 00:04:54,160 ♪ In one Of those crushing scenes ♪ 108 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,266 ♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪ 109 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:58,383 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 110 00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,166 ♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪ 111 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,000 ♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪ 112 00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:04,233 ♪ She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more ♪ 113 00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:06,183 ♪ She had style, she had flair, She was there ♪ 114 00:05:06,216 --> 00:05:10,266 ♪ That's how she became The Nanny ♪ 115 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:13,200 ♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪ 116 00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:15,250 ♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪ 117 00:05:15,283 --> 00:05:16,233 ♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪ 118 00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:18,000 ♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪ 119 00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:19,660 ♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪ 120 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,266 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 121 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,830 ♪ She's the lady in red ♪ 122 00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:24,233 ♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪ 123 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:27,416 ♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪ 124 00:05:27,450 --> 00:05:28,450 ♪ The nanny named Fran ♪ 125 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:35,200 Maxwell, have I ever told you 126 00:05:35,233 --> 00:05:36,416 how much I love working out of the house? 127 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,316 I feel I belong here. 128 00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:42,466 And the children are really warming up to me. 129 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,183 [PHONE RINGS] 130 00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:48,000 Hello. 131 00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:49,200 No, there's no Maggie here. You have the wrong number. 132 00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:51,233 Excuse me, C.C. 133 00:05:51,266 --> 00:05:53,216 My daughter... Maggie? 134 00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:55,283 Oh. - [CLEARS THROAT] 135 00:05:55,316 --> 00:05:56,433 Hello. 136 00:05:56,466 --> 00:05:58,433 Oh, Greg, listen, 137 00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:01,330 you do know Maggie has her own line, don't you? 138 00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:02,300 Yeah, well, that's quite all right. 139 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,450 Well, I'm very glad you like her. 140 00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:08,200 Yeah, and I'm thrilled she drives you crazy. 141 00:06:08,233 --> 00:06:10,250 Yeah, keep going, Greg, and you'll never see her again. 142 00:06:10,283 --> 00:06:11,330 Goodbye, Greg. 143 00:06:12,366 --> 00:06:13,400 [KNOCKS] Knock, knock. 144 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:15,000 Yes, Miss Fine, what is it? 145 00:06:15,330 --> 00:06:17,200 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, 146 00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:19,350 you just gotta indulge me here a minute. 147 00:06:19,383 --> 00:06:21,233 You're not gonna believe this. 148 00:06:21,266 --> 00:06:24,366 My grandmother's retirement home is infested with termites, 149 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,200 and my mother came up with the bright idea... 150 00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:29,216 Get ready for a lulu. 151 00:06:31,416 --> 00:06:34,183 ...that she should come stay here with us! 152 00:06:34,216 --> 00:06:36,116 [ALL LAUGH] 153 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,300 I know. I know. 154 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,483 She's a borderline klepto. 155 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,160 We wouldn't have a candy dish left in the house. 156 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,466 [ALL LAUGH] 157 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,500 Oh, well, I'll go tell my mother that she's nuts. 158 00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:52,500 Well, at least we know where she gets it. 159 00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:57,200 [LAUGHS] 160 00:06:57,233 --> 00:06:59,433 Well, you know, Miss Fine, sometimes you feel like a nut, 161 00:06:59,466 --> 00:07:00,433 sometimes you don't. 162 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,116 [HE CHUCKLES] 163 00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:06,416 What's so funny? Poking fun at a little old lady? 164 00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:08,366 What's that, that British humor that nobody gets? 165 00:07:10,116 --> 00:07:12,183 Well, Miss Fine, you-- 166 00:07:12,216 --> 00:07:14,116 You just said yourself she was a klepto. 167 00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,166 Yeah, well, I'm allowed. 168 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,266 She'smy 169 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,350 Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, 170 00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,183 but can't she stay with your mother? 171 00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:23,150 No. The big cats can't share a cage. 172 00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:29,400 Don't back down, Maxwell. 173 00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:31,466 We don't need some old crone running around the house. 174 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,266 Yes. We are crone-heavy, sir. 175 00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:39,250 Although, with two, we'd have a set. 176 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,500 Never mind, Mr. Sheffield. 177 00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:50,450 I'll just take her to one of those 24-hour markets, 178 00:07:50,483 --> 00:07:53,450 and let her squeeze fruit for a couple of days. 179 00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:55,266 All right, look, Miss Fine. I'll-- 180 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,400 I'll put her up at the St. Regis Hotel. 181 00:07:56,433 --> 00:07:58,350 How's that, hm? 182 00:07:58,383 --> 00:08:00,350 She'll have room service, everything. Fit for a queen. 183 00:08:00,383 --> 00:08:04,483 You can't insult family like that. 184 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,216 Me, you can send. I got thick skin. 185 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,433 Besides, I think that it's good for children 186 00:08:10,466 --> 00:08:12,316 to spend time with their grandmother. 187 00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:14,350 She's not their grandmother. 188 00:08:14,383 --> 00:08:16,300 Oh, all right. You tell her. 189 00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:18,283 She stays alone like a dog in that home. 190 00:08:18,316 --> 00:08:19,316 [SCOFFS] 191 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:23,116 Fine. Let her stay. 192 00:08:23,150 --> 00:08:25,283 As a matter of fact, I want her to stay. 193 00:08:25,316 --> 00:08:26,333 She can have the master bedroom. 194 00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:29,166 Oh, no. 195 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,250 With that marble tub? She'll slip, break her hip. 196 00:08:31,283 --> 00:08:32,183 You'll have a lawsuit on your hands. 197 00:08:32,216 --> 00:08:33,200 Miss Fine! 198 00:08:35,283 --> 00:08:37,116 Oh, thank you, Mr. Sheffield, 199 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,483 Thank you so much. 200 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,466 And I promise you won't even know that she's here. 201 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,183 Mm. 202 00:08:42,216 --> 00:08:51,483 [FRENCH CABARET MUSIC PLAYING] 203 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,116 Frannie, can I sit outside in my brassiere? 204 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:56,166 Will anyone see? 205 00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:02,133 [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] 206 00:09:11,116 --> 00:09:15,133 Miss Fine, are you aware of this? 207 00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:18,300 Yeah,Body Heat, William Hurt and Kathleen Turner... 208 00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:20,500 before her little side trip to Pepperidge Farm. 209 00:09:22,266 --> 00:09:25,160 Maggie is only 15 years old. 210 00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,216 She's much too young to be watching movies this racy. 211 00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:29,333 Oh, you call this racy? 212 00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:32,233 You obviously never saw The Postman Always Rings Twice. 213 00:09:32,266 --> 00:09:34,216 Oh, when he cleared that table! 214 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:35,450 Hoo-ha! 215 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,266 Where is she, anyway? 216 00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,433 I mean, is she ever coming back from this date, 217 00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,250 or has she just moved out? 218 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:46,330 Relax. She's been back for an hour. 219 00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,166 Oh, really? I didn't hear her come in. 220 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,133 Well, I didn't say she came in. 221 00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,450 Leave them alone! 222 00:09:52,483 --> 00:09:54,133 Leave them alone. 223 00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,500 Wh-wh-what are they doing? 224 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,183 Nothing, nothing, all four hands are visible. 225 00:09:58,216 --> 00:10:01,660 One, two, three... 226 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,483 Here comes four! Here comes four! 227 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,416 How much time does he need? 228 00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:06,166 I mean, they just went on the date for heaven sakes. 229 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,000 He's not leaving for the Crimean War. 230 00:10:08,330 --> 00:10:09,200 Oh, Mr. Sheffield. 231 00:10:10,316 --> 00:10:11,283 Hello, children. 232 00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:12,200 Goodbye, Greg. 233 00:10:13,283 --> 00:10:14,330 [MOUTHS SILENTLY] 234 00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:17,316 I can't believe you did that. 235 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,830 I've never been so embarrassed in my life. 236 00:10:19,116 --> 00:10:20,483 Oh, really? 237 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,333 Not even when you were watchingBody Heat? 238 00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:30,250 You went in my room? 239 00:10:30,283 --> 00:10:32,330 Have you ever heard of privacy? 240 00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:33,450 How would you like if I went through your stuff? 241 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,300 Oh, don't bother. He locks everything. 242 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,133 I don't ever want you seeing that boy again. 243 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:45,283 You can't stop me. - Oh, ho, ho. Watch this. 244 00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:46,350 You're grounded. 245 00:10:46,383 --> 00:10:48,200 I hate you. 246 00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:50,250 [MOCKS] Well, that's tough. 247 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,100 You forgot to stick your tongue out. 248 00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,333 Well, you might have backed me up a little. 249 00:10:53,366 --> 00:10:55,150 Me? The Pips couldn't backyou up. 250 00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,133 What's all the commotion? 251 00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:01,433 He went through my things. 252 00:11:01,466 --> 00:11:06,160 Oh, honey, I know just how you feel. 253 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,150 At the home, they ransack your room 254 00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,466 two, three times a month 255 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,160 looking for cake. 256 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,416 Come, we'll talk. 257 00:11:15,450 --> 00:11:18,183 Don't fight in front of the kids. - Ow! 258 00:11:18,216 --> 00:11:19,183 Ow! 259 00:11:21,383 --> 00:11:23,333 See how sensitive Yetta is. 260 00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:26,133 She'll be a great influence on Maggie. 261 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,116 YETTA: You want a cigarette? 262 00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:36,150 Good morning, Niles. 263 00:11:36,183 --> 00:11:37,466 Mm-hm. 264 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,283 What's the matter with you? 265 00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:41,183 Oh, it's very disturbing to see 266 00:11:41,216 --> 00:11:43,500 Mr. Sheffield and Miss Margaret fight. 267 00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,100 Oh, that was a fight? 268 00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:48,283 "I hate you!" "Who cares?" and now, pft. 269 00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,483 In my house the fight ain't over until the fat lady 270 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,366 grabs the Ginsu and says, "Here, cut my heart out." 271 00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:57,166 No, we never say a cross word in our family. 272 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,330 We just die very early of colon disorders. 273 00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:02,233 Morning, everyone. 274 00:12:02,266 --> 00:12:03,216 FRAN: Good morning. 275 00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,500 Niles, tea. NILES: Mm-hm. 276 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,416 [SIGHS] 277 00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:13,160 What on earth is that? 278 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,116 Grandma Yetta says this tea bag still has seven cups left in it. 279 00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:19,400 My Bubby Yetta doesn't like to waste anything. 280 00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,283 If food is moldy, it's a vaccine. 281 00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,366 [LAUGHS] 282 00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:27,466 Oh, come on, lighten up. 283 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,383 You gonna be this way when Maggie comes down? 284 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,100 If I'd ever talked to my father the way she talked to me, 285 00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:34,416 I'd have been throttled to within an inch of my life 286 00:12:34,450 --> 00:12:37,233 and thrown in the root cellar. 287 00:12:37,266 --> 00:12:42,000 Oy, why do you always have to take me to Oliver Twist Land? 288 00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:45,000 Do you know how many times I told my father I hated him? 289 00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,300 Yeah. And how did he react? - Ah, who the hell knows. 290 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,183 He couldn't hear a damn thing over thatBonanza 291 00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:50,116 blasting in the background. 292 00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:57,266 Good morning, Margaret. 293 00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:01,400 Daddy, I'm sorry I said I hated you. 294 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:04,000 Bubby Yetta says you only have one father, and she's right. 295 00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:08,160 Well, I'm sorry too. 296 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,366 And you were gonna tell her that she's not grounded anymore. 297 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,300 You almost forgot that part. 298 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,100 Ah, yes, I was going to say that. 299 00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:17,350 What she said. 300 00:13:17,383 --> 00:13:19,160 Well, Miss Fine, it seems I underestimated your booby. 301 00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:25,283 That's "Bubby." 302 00:13:25,316 --> 00:13:27,116 No one's ever underestimated my booby. 303 00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:34,160 You know, Dad, it's a real pretty day. 304 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,166 Greg asked if I could go on a picnic. 305 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,433 May I? 306 00:13:36,466 --> 00:13:37,483 Well, Margaret, I don't think-- 307 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,216 [SPOON TAPS] 308 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,250 Uh, that sounds like a good idea. 309 00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:43,183 So long as you're back by 6:00... 310 00:13:43,216 --> 00:13:44,133 [SPOON TAPS] 7:00... 311 00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:45,166 [SPOON TAPS] 8:00. 312 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:45,450 [SPOON DINGS ON GLASS] 313 00:13:47,183 --> 00:13:49,000 Thanks, guys. 314 00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,400 Have a wonderful time, 315 00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:52,330 and don't do anything that I forgot I did. 316 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,216 Oh, don't worry. I had a long conversation with Yetta. 317 00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,216 FRAN: Good. 318 00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,266 You know, Yetta turns out to be pretty cool. 319 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,400 Look, she gave me 100 bucks for my bar mitzvah. 320 00:14:07,433 --> 00:14:09,116 Of course, she also thinks my name is "Schmuey." 321 00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,266 Something smells. 322 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:13,433 Just eat it. 323 00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:18,200 No, like something's burning. [SHE SNIFFS] 324 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,100 [ALL SNIFF] - Yeah. Seems to be coming from upstairs. 325 00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:22,466 Oh, my God. Yetta! 326 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,366 I can't believe she would be smoking in bed, 327 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,183 not after that Circle 7 motel went up in-- 328 00:14:28,216 --> 00:14:29,266 Never mind. 329 00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:31,266 Yetta! Yetta! 330 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,150 Stand back. 331 00:14:33,183 --> 00:14:34,250 FRAN: Oh! 332 00:14:34,283 --> 00:14:35,116 [GASPS] 333 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,216 Well, I was right. 334 00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:47,160 She was smokin'. 335 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,283 Oh, my God. Yetta! 336 00:14:54,316 --> 00:14:56,316 What a coincidence. 337 00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:59,160 Saul said the same thing not 10 minutes ago. 338 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:05,233 What the devil's burning? 339 00:15:05,266 --> 00:15:07,660 Oh, God. 340 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,200 Oh, Saul, I ruined your bagel. 341 00:15:09,233 --> 00:15:10,166 Oh, no, no. 342 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:13,383 You can just scrape off the top. 343 00:15:13,416 --> 00:15:15,500 It's still good. 344 00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,100 Miss Fine. 345 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,330 What did you do with all the cream cheese? 346 00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:28,183 Thank you, Miss Fine. 347 00:15:28,216 --> 00:15:31,316 Thank you for bringing this influence into my home. 348 00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:33,433 Well, you know, Mr. Sheffield, 349 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:37,660 it's really kind of sweet if you think about it. 350 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,660 Are you out of your mind? 351 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,183 This is the Sheffield home. 352 00:15:42,216 --> 00:15:43,383 No one ever has sex in this house. 353 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:52,500 This...this is the woman you let give my daughter 354 00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,133 advice about sex? 355 00:15:54,166 --> 00:15:56,660 Well, at least you know the advice was current. 356 00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:00,160 Margaret. 357 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,100 Oh, Miss Margaret just left, sir. 358 00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:04,233 Oh, good morning, Miss Rosenberg, Mr. Knasel. 359 00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,300 What? You knew about this? 360 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,283 Yes, my room is directly beneath theirs. 361 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:11,450 Bravo. 362 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,100 I-I just can't believe I gave Maggie permission to go. 363 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:25,483 She's just a little girl. 364 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,133 Well, now, don't get all upset. 365 00:16:28,166 --> 00:16:30,160 We don't know what Yetta told her. 366 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:31,166 Told who? 367 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,160 Maggie! 368 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,150 I told her we could all die tomorrow. 369 00:16:35,183 --> 00:16:36,116 Go for it. 370 00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:40,283 Go for...? All right. 371 00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:41,250 Now you can be upset. 372 00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:45,366 I hold you completely responsible for this. 373 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,150 Why? What did I do? 374 00:16:47,183 --> 00:16:48,416 She's your grandmother. 375 00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:50,283 Oh, we don't know that for sure. 376 00:16:50,316 --> 00:16:52,283 Some woman comes walking outta Europe 377 00:16:52,316 --> 00:16:54,266 with a dining-room table strapped to her back. 378 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,383 She could be anybody's relative. 379 00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,150 What? 380 00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:05,150 Good night, Niles. 381 00:17:05,183 --> 00:17:06,466 It is now. 382 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,383 [CHUCKLES] 383 00:17:08,416 --> 00:17:10,830 Oh, Niles. 384 00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:13,433 Dear, sweet, pompous Niles. 385 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,400 Maxwell and Nanny Fine are on the outs, 386 00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:18,150 and there is nothing you can say 387 00:17:18,183 --> 00:17:21,300 to ruin this glorious feeling I have. [CHUCKLES] 388 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,466 You wanna bet? 389 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:36,830 Grandma Yetta, aged 80, living in a home, 390 00:17:36,116 --> 00:17:38,316 got a heap o' good loving last night. 391 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:42,200 And you? 392 00:17:52,266 --> 00:17:53,450 I hate my life! 393 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,000 Thank you! 394 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,200 Pst. Niles. 395 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:04,250 Oh, the coast is clear, Miss Fine. 396 00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,450 Oh, boy, here she is now. Devil with the blue hair on. 397 00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:09,383 [CHUCKLES] 398 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,450 What? What? 399 00:18:11,483 --> 00:18:13,316 Franny. What? What? What? 400 00:18:13,350 --> 00:18:16,830 You left your wallet right on top of your dresser. 401 00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:16,483 So? 402 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,250 Thank you. 403 00:18:22,283 --> 00:18:25,416 Franny, I know it's none of my business. 404 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:29,216 But it might help your marriage if you got rid of that blond 405 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:33,000 your husband's always hanging around with. 406 00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:35,266 I don't know if you noticed, but your kids are blond. 407 00:18:38,266 --> 00:18:42,100 They're not my kids. He's not my husband. 408 00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:43,183 Oy, she couldn't have spaced out like this 409 00:18:43,216 --> 00:18:45,330 with Mr. Sheffield, no! 410 00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:46,333 With him, she could recall things from the womb. 411 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,216 All I'm saying... - Yeah. 412 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:53,216 is a blond like that, with big shoulder pads, 413 00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:55,366 dragged off your grandfather. 414 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,660 That was a Cossack. 415 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:02,216 Hi, Grandma Yetta. 416 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,433 Oh, come here, angel-puss. 417 00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:08,000 Ooh. 418 00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:11,830 So... how was your day? 419 00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,200 Great. I'm not worried about the end of the world. 420 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,200 I'm gonna live life to the fullest. 421 00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,233 Attagirl. What did I tell you? 422 00:19:17,266 --> 00:19:18,116 Go for it. 423 00:19:20,466 --> 00:19:22,333 "Go for it"? 424 00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:24,183 I thought you told that to Maggie? 425 00:19:24,216 --> 00:19:26,160 That's not Maggie? 426 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,200 No. That's Grace. 427 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,283 Now I'm confused. 428 00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:32,450 Grace is the little one, 429 00:19:32,483 --> 00:19:34,183 Schmuey is the boy... 430 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,660 and the tall one is Maggie. 431 00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:41,416 Hot pants? Yeah. 432 00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:45,500 Tell her to "go for it"? What am I, senile? 433 00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:46,483 Your husband would throw me out of the house. 434 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:54,100 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, here you are. 435 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,266 What are you doing out here? Waiting for Maggie? 436 00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:59,166 No, I just have a game of stoopball in five minutes. 437 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,383 Where is she? 438 00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:03,166 Well, I've got good news for you. 439 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,830 Remember when we thought that Grandma Yetta 440 00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:07,660 told her to go for it with Greg? 441 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,283 Yeah. Well, we were wrong. 442 00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:10,483 Oh, thank God. 443 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,283 She told Gracie. 444 00:20:13,316 --> 00:20:16,160 Oh, much better. She's only seven. 445 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,000 And here I thought the woman was a kook. 446 00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:22,416 In any event, Margaret still isn't home. 447 00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:24,433 [DOOR SHUTS] Well, you know, it was a picnic. 448 00:20:24,466 --> 00:20:27,000 These things have to go at their own flow. 449 00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:28,433 You have to eat, then my mother always says 450 00:20:28,466 --> 00:20:30,250 you have to wait at least an hour 451 00:20:30,283 --> 00:20:31,183 before you do strenuous physical activity-- 452 00:20:32,283 --> 00:20:35,000 Like Frisbee. 453 00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:37,166 Please, Miss Fine, I'm just not in the mood. 454 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,183 No man's ever said that to me before. 455 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,100 Although I'm sure Lisa Marie is getting an earful of it. 456 00:20:52,316 --> 00:20:54,233 Come on, Mr. Sheffield, 457 00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:56,116 has Maggie ever given you a reason not to trust her? 458 00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,416 Yes. 459 00:20:57,450 --> 00:21:00,333 And they all coincided with your arrival. 460 00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:02,366 Suddenly she wants to go kissing boys and going off to parties 461 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,416 and concerts and things. 462 00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:06,416 Who does she think she is? A teenage girl? 463 00:21:06,450 --> 00:21:08,150 Mm. 464 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,150 Oh, Miss Fine, I'm her father. 465 00:21:10,183 --> 00:21:12,400 I-I just want to protect her. 466 00:21:12,433 --> 00:21:14,433 I know, but sometimes you're just gonna 467 00:21:14,466 --> 00:21:18,216 have to sit on your hands and, uh, let them grow up. 468 00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,433 What if she grows up wrong? 469 00:21:20,466 --> 00:21:23,330 Well, you've still got Schmuey and the little one. 470 00:21:26,466 --> 00:21:29,416 Come on, Mr. Sheffield. Don't be her enemy. 471 00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:32,283 No, of course not. That's the last thing I want to do. 472 00:21:32,316 --> 00:21:33,333 MAGGIE: Thanks, Greg. 473 00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:35,366 She's home. 474 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,000 How long does it take, a picnic, huh? 475 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:39,316 Oh, now, now, now. You see? 476 00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:41,166 You're getting all wound up again. 477 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,133 Just calm down. 478 00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:45,330 Don't let her think that you were worried. 479 00:21:45,660 --> 00:21:46,366 In fact, why don't you just go upstairs? 480 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,433 Go ahead. But I-- 481 00:21:47,466 --> 00:21:49,133 I'll be up in a minute. 482 00:21:49,166 --> 00:21:51,330 Trust is a good thing. 483 00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,433 Trust is character building. Go ahead. 484 00:21:53,466 --> 00:21:55,383 I'll take care of everything. 485 00:21:55,416 --> 00:21:57,100 Everything's fine. 486 00:21:57,133 --> 00:21:58,483 [DOOR CLOSES] 487 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,283 Where the hell have you been? 488 00:22:00,316 --> 00:22:02,133 Do you know what time it is? 489 00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,000 Your father was so worried, I had to send him to bed. 490 00:22:05,330 --> 00:22:06,300 Fran, we didn't do anything. 491 00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:07,483 Greg and I decided to cool it. 492 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,300 Why? I mean,good! 493 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,000 I'm just not ready yet. 494 00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:15,383 Besides, do you think I'd get into any serious stuff 495 00:22:15,416 --> 00:22:17,216 without talking to you first? 496 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,400 Oh, well, I thought you talked to Yetta. 497 00:22:18,433 --> 00:22:20,216 Yetta? 498 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:22,233 Please, I zoned out somewhere around 499 00:22:22,266 --> 00:22:24,300 "buying a cow when you can get the milk for free." 500 00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:27,300 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds like her. 501 00:22:27,333 --> 00:22:29,266 Well, it should take you a good long while 502 00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:32,160 to get that image out of your head. 503 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:34,300 And, in the meantime, let me tell you something 504 00:22:34,333 --> 00:22:37,450 that's a little more hip and a little more happening. 505 00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:41,660 Don't do a thing if you ain't got that ring. 506 00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:42,266 ♪Doo-wap, doo-wap, doo-wap 507 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:51,183 [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] 508 00:23:02,250 --> 00:23:04,400 Thatverklempt is so funny. 509 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,660 Oh, please. Who talks like that? 510 00:23:13,466 --> 00:23:15,233 And that big hair. 511 00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:20,183 I think it's very stereotypical.