1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,383 Oh, Niles, this is an excellent issue ofVanity Fair. 2 00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:06,283 Oh, really? What's in it? 3 00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:10,000 Obsession. 4 00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:10,450 [MUTTERS] Article, article, article. 5 00:00:10,483 --> 00:00:12,830 Oh, Safari. 6 00:00:14,233 --> 00:00:15,333 Article, article, article. 7 00:00:15,366 --> 00:00:17,133 [GASPS] Mel Gibson! 8 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,330 He has a cologne? - No. 9 00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:26,450 So now, which one's Mr. Sheffield 10 00:00:26,483 --> 00:00:28,830 and which one's Miss Fine? 11 00:00:28,116 --> 00:00:30,500 She named her hamster after me. 12 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,233 Oh, how can you tell them apart? 13 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,660 Fran's the fat one. 14 00:00:35,466 --> 00:00:37,133 She's not fat. She just has big hair. 15 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,466 Oh, no, Mr. Sheffield is fighting with Miss Fine. 16 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,330 He's not fighting with her. He's having-- 17 00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:46,300 Mr. Sheffield! Get off Miss Fine. 18 00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:47,466 Miss Fine has a headache. 19 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:54,500 Oh, look. Mr. Sheffield has already fallen asleep. 20 00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:56,830 Okay, kids, go bring Miss Fine upstairs 21 00:00:56,116 --> 00:00:57,660 and give her a chew stick. 22 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:57,366 She's not satisfied. 23 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:03,150 This month'sSoap Opera Hair magazine has arrived. 24 00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:04,350 The "Bigger is Better" issue? 25 00:01:04,383 --> 00:01:06,200 Mm. With a free sample. 26 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,383 Oh, this is like Hanukkah in July! 27 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,330 Fran, I can't believe you're doing that. 28 00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:15,200 Why, honey? Did you think 29 00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,233 that I got this fullness naturally? 30 00:01:17,266 --> 00:01:21,500 Oh, no. This is just the outer shell. 31 00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:24,200 Inside I've got gel, mousse, volumizer. 32 00:01:24,233 --> 00:01:28,660 There's a whole infrastructure going on in there. 33 00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,183 The only difference between me and the Kingdome is AstroTurf. 34 00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:35,500 Fran, don't you care about ecology? 35 00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,166 There are chemicals in here that are unsafe. 36 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,450 Some of that stuff is toxic. 37 00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:41,133 Honey, you wanna clean up toxic waste, 38 00:01:41,166 --> 00:01:42,830 start with Brighton's bathroom. 39 00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:46,466 Fran, I'm serious. Give me that. 40 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,830 Oh, no! No! I didn't do the tendrils yet. 41 00:01:50,266 --> 00:01:53,330 Oh, boy, I'm getting a weird flashback here. 42 00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:54,316 Only you're me 43 00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,333 and I'm... 44 00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:56,216 my mother. 45 00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:00,160 What are you talking about? 46 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,183 I was young too once, out to save the world. 47 00:02:03,216 --> 00:02:05,333 So you were, like, an activist in the '60s? 48 00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:06,466 Seventies, late. 49 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,316 Nuclear power, animal rights, cyclamates. 50 00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,660 Cyclamates? 51 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,500 Oh, yeah. It was a big controversy. 52 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:16,150 Lemon Tab was never the same. 53 00:02:17,483 --> 00:02:20,300 [THEME TUNE PLAYS] 54 00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:21,383 ♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪ 55 00:02:21,416 --> 00:02:23,133 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 56 00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,216 ♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪ 57 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:26,166 ♪ In one Of those crushing scenes ♪ 58 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,483 ♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪ 59 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,116 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 60 00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,333 ♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪ 61 00:02:32,366 --> 00:02:33,433 ♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪ 62 00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:35,216 ♪ She was there to sell makeup ♪ 63 00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,383 ♪ But the father saw more ♪ 64 00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:38,350 ♪ She had style, she had flair, she was there ♪ 65 00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:42,416 ♪ That's how she became The Nanny ♪ 66 00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:45,366 ♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪ 67 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,450 ♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪ 68 00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:48,433 ♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪ 69 00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:50,200 ♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪ 70 00:02:50,233 --> 00:02:51,266 ♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪ 71 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,483 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 72 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,216 ♪ She's the lady in red ♪ 73 00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:56,333 ♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪ 74 00:02:58,450 --> 00:02:59,266 ♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪ 75 00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:01,100 ♪ The nanny named Fran ♪ 76 00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:08,166 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 77 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,116 Mr. Sheffield, if you were my cousin Marsha, 78 00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,150 and then you saw me in this dress, 79 00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:12,500 what would you do? 80 00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:13,233 I'd, uh... 81 00:03:13,266 --> 00:03:16,116 tell you you look fabulous, 82 00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,133 then trash you the moment you left the room. 83 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:19,466 And...? 84 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,416 And, uh... 85 00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:23,216 eat an entire Sara Lee Pound Cake? 86 00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,200 There you go. 87 00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,483 For a minute there, I thought I was gonna have to change. 88 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,233 Isn't it a little sedate for you, Nanny Fine? 89 00:03:32,266 --> 00:03:33,316 You don't look like you're trying to get a sailor 90 00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:35,330 to buy you a champagne cocktail. 91 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:39,100 [LAUGHING] 92 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,366 Where you headed, a funeral? [CHUCKLES] 93 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,283 As a matter of fact, I am. My great-aunt Mima Fageh. 94 00:03:45,316 --> 00:03:48,266 She was 104. - Oh. 95 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,333 Well, how did she die? 96 00:03:49,366 --> 00:03:50,233 Childbirth. 97 00:03:55,483 --> 00:03:58,100 Fran, tell Dad he's being totally unfair. 98 00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,100 Mr. Sheffield, you're being totally unfair! 99 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,400 What is it I'm trying to get him to do again? 100 00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:04,400 Mark and I want to go to an all-night, 101 00:04:04,433 --> 00:04:05,433 Save the Earth poetry reading. 102 00:04:05,466 --> 00:04:07,160 Oh, right. 103 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,133 What's the big deal? 104 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,150 Maggie and Mark wanna go to an all-night Save the Earth-- 105 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:10,466 All night? 106 00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:15,283 Oh, honey, kiss it off. 107 00:04:15,316 --> 00:04:18,266 Fran, they're having a candlelight vigil 108 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,116 Oh, that reminds me. I gotta pick up the pastrami platter. 109 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,183 You know, if it sits too long, 110 00:04:24,216 --> 00:04:25,350 it gets that rainbow-patina thing happening. 111 00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,483 I can't believe you. 112 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,150 Is this what happens when you turn 21? 113 00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:35,116 Twenty-one. [HE CHUCKLES] 114 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:38,500 Don't mock the child, Niles. 115 00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,400 Look, Maggie, why don't you and your friends 116 00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:42,116 take it in turns to save the planet, hm? 117 00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,000 You could take the day shift, 118 00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:45,100 and then someone whose parents are out of town 119 00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,116 could take the night. 120 00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,333 Oh, fine. I'll go stand in the hole in the ozone layer. 121 00:04:49,366 --> 00:04:51,000 Be sure to wear sunblock! 122 00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:54,333 Well, Miss Fine, it's refreshing to have you 123 00:04:54,366 --> 00:04:56,200 on my side for a change. 124 00:04:56,233 --> 00:04:58,416 Oh, that. Pfft. I read somewhere that 125 00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,266 the primary caregiver should always agree 126 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,330 with the guy that writes the checks. 127 00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:04,133 Thank you for your support. 128 00:05:04,166 --> 00:05:05,483 But for your information, 129 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:07,116 I am too young to be on the pig side 130 00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:09,000 of a generation gap. 131 00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:11,233 Huff and puff as much as you like, Miss Fine. 132 00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:13,316 This little piggy is not letting her go. 133 00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:15,100 That doesn't mean I'm not thrilled 134 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,100 Margaret has a social conscience. 135 00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:19,316 I just wish there were more people like her. 136 00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,300 Ooh, aren't these elephant tusks exquisite? 137 00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:29,433 They came from that cute little poacher in Kenya. 138 00:05:29,466 --> 00:05:31,416 And here I thought you'd had your wisdom teeth pulled. 139 00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:37,116 So when you're watching Gorillas in the Mist, 140 00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:38,433 you're thinking, "In a fajita, 141 00:05:38,466 --> 00:05:39,283 I bet they're not so bad." 142 00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:50,283 It was a gorgeous funeral. 143 00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,466 Ah, Mima Fageh didn't look so hot, 144 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:53,466 may she rest in piece. 145 00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,400 She could never pull it together 146 00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:58,466 for a special occasion. 147 00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:03,433 You know, when my time comes, 148 00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:06,150 I don't want no open casket. 149 00:06:06,183 --> 00:06:08,433 I don't trust no one to put on my makeup but me. 150 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,383 How's the corned beef? 151 00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:21,266 Fatty, Daddy. No good. 152 00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,400 What do you do when you like something, 153 00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,330 eat the Corningware? 154 00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,183 So when are you due? 155 00:06:27,216 --> 00:06:29,283 Grandma, I'm not pregnant! 156 00:06:29,316 --> 00:06:30,166 So stop eating. 157 00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:35,433 Morty! Turn the set down. 158 00:06:35,466 --> 00:06:36,433 We're mourning in here. 159 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,466 Meanwhile, explain to me green carnations on a casket. 160 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,500 St. Paddy didn't drop dead. 161 00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,500 Why couldn't their side 162 00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:48,383 spend a little on flowers, like we did? 163 00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:51,266 Syl, their side never did as well as us. 164 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,660 What well? My daughter's a maid. 165 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,233 Nanny, Ma! 166 00:07:00,466 --> 00:07:03,383 Meanwhile, I wonder who got the coat. 167 00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:04,400 What coat? 168 00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,100 Mima's mink. 169 00:07:07,133 --> 00:07:08,466 She slept with it more than she slept with Oscar. 170 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,433 Mima's husband's name was Louie. 171 00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,483 Yeah. So where are you not following me? 172 00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:22,150 Oh, well, I guess it wasn't the mortician 173 00:07:22,183 --> 00:07:25,830 that put that smile on her face. 174 00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:26,400 Maybe we should see what's in the envelope 175 00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:28,266 Uncle Dave gave us. 176 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,466 I think it's a copy of the will. 177 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,433 You know, I always offered to drive her 178 00:07:32,466 --> 00:07:34,133 to her checkups, 179 00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:35,283 even after the bladder went. 180 00:07:38,450 --> 00:07:40,450 Save it, Marsha. It's already written. 181 00:07:40,483 --> 00:07:41,366 She's not coming back with an eraser. 182 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,450 Aunt Frida got Mima's diamond wedding ring. 183 00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:47,466 [WOMEN GROAN] 184 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,150 I wanted that. 185 00:07:52,366 --> 00:07:54,660 Cousin Judy got the blender. 186 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,100 [WOMEN GROAN] 187 00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:56,183 I coulda used that. 188 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,466 Uncle Maury got the pasta machine. 189 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,100 [GROANS] 190 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:03,133 That, they can have. 191 00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:07,100 Who cares about their side. 192 00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:08,483 Let's get to our side. 193 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,133 "Their side", "our side". 194 00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:11,333 Who's keeping score? 195 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:14,500 Meanwhile, it's 3-zip. 196 00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,200 MARSHA: Oh, please! - Ma. Calm down. 197 00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:19,660 You're shvitzing already. 198 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:21,333 Soon you're gonna slide off the couch. 199 00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:25,330 This is such a trying time for me. 200 00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,266 Life won't be the same without my beloved Mima. 201 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,150 Shut up, Marsha. 202 00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:31,283 "And the coat goes to 203 00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:33,133 FRAN FINE!" 204 00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:35,100 Come on down. 205 00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:37,166 I won the coat? 206 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:41,133 I won the coat! [CHEERING] 207 00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:43,266 [IN UNISON] May she rest in peace. 208 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:46,333 She gave Fran the coat? 209 00:08:46,366 --> 00:08:48,830 Who schlepped her to the beauty parlor 210 00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:51,330 every week to get her three hairs set? 211 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,300 Who smeared her with Bengay after shuffleboard? 212 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,830 And after she got the hammertoe fixed, 213 00:08:55,116 --> 00:08:56,000 who lugged her around? 214 00:08:57,383 --> 00:08:58,216 My husband, that's who! 215 00:09:01,316 --> 00:09:03,216 Well, you can keep the coat, 'cause I don't want it. 216 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,400 What, are you nuts?! Why? 217 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,100 Ma, I only wear fake fur. 218 00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,316 And do you know why? - Yes. 219 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,266 Because no one ever died and left you a real one before. 220 00:09:16,116 --> 00:09:18,400 No. I have a very impressionable teenager at home 221 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:21,330 that needs to know that I stick by my beliefs. 222 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,283 And I believe in animal rights. 223 00:09:23,316 --> 00:09:26,333 Fran...a mink is not an animal. 224 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,316 It's a rodent. 225 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,483 If it was up in the attic, 226 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,350 you would be the first one to call Terminix. 227 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,183 Ma, knock it off. 228 00:09:39,216 --> 00:09:41,383 I'm not putting a dead animal anywhere near me. 229 00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:42,166 Pass the tongue. MARSHA: Oh. 230 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,150 Fran, you're keeping the coat. 231 00:09:48,183 --> 00:09:50,183 No, I'm not. And do we have to discuss this 232 00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,216 in front of everyone? 233 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,266 No, we'll discuss it in there. 234 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,416 Fine. - Excuse us. 235 00:09:58,166 --> 00:10:02,133 They don't wanna talk in front of us. 236 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,283 SYLVIA: How could you turn your back on everything 237 00:10:04,316 --> 00:10:06,433 that I raised you to believe in?! 238 00:10:06,466 --> 00:10:09,660 This is mink! 239 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,383 Ma, if you love the mink so much, 240 00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:12,316 why don'tyou keep it? 241 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,283 I'm too busty. 242 00:10:15,466 --> 00:10:17,500 Didn't stop you from wearing a tube top to Temple. 243 00:10:22,283 --> 00:10:23,433 It's Reform. 244 00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:28,466 Ma, forget it. I'm not taking the coat. 245 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,166 You know, you're killing me with this. 246 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,400 If I die tonight, 247 00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:36,300 you'll never forgive yourself. 248 00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,166 Ma, I'm a grown woman. 249 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,383 You can't use guilt on me anymore 250 00:10:39,416 --> 00:10:41,100 to get what you want. 251 00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,000 Oh! - What's the matter, Ma? 252 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:45,466 Nothing. I just hope I'm not getting 253 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,216 that weird flesh-eating disease. 254 00:10:58,330 --> 00:10:58,466 We couldn't hear. 255 00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:05,400 Niles. Hm? 256 00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:07,116 Did my mother call? 257 00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,283 Well, I'm not sure. There was one call. 258 00:11:09,316 --> 00:11:12,330 A sob, a sigh 259 00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:15,316 and a long, plaintive, "Oy." 260 00:11:18,316 --> 00:11:21,183 Well, either that's her, or AT&T is really depressed 261 00:11:21,216 --> 00:11:24,150 that we switched to Sprint. - [CHUCKLES] 262 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,216 I can't believe she would stoop to crank-guilt-calls. 263 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:30,660 How low can she go? 264 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,333 Hey, you're talking about a woman 265 00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:32,466 that could grow a tumor on command. 266 00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:37,160 [DOORBELL RINGS] - Excuse me. 267 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,316 Well, it's not going to work. 268 00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:40,330 I'm a grown woman. 269 00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,660 I'm entitled to my own opinions. 270 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,483 And no silent treatment is going to make me 271 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,300 compromise my ideals. 272 00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:48,333 That coat is staying in Queens. 273 00:11:48,366 --> 00:11:49,350 Thank you. 274 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,166 Oh, can you believe her. 275 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,450 Didn't she hear a word I said? 276 00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,183 I don't want this disgustingly 277 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,450 soft, lush, plush... 278 00:11:59,483 --> 00:12:03,000 Oh, Niles, did you see the satin lining? 279 00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,333 Boy, they don't make it like that anymore. 280 00:12:04,366 --> 00:12:06,283 Oh, it does become you, Miss Fine. 281 00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:09,483 Oh, no, Niles, it's absolutely repulsive. 282 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,283 I can't stand it. 283 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,350 Up or down? [CHUCKLES] 284 00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:16,250 Oh, take it off me. Take it off. 285 00:12:16,283 --> 00:12:19,316 Oh, look at the initials, "M.F." 286 00:12:19,350 --> 00:12:21,233 Mima Fageh. 287 00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:23,830 "Miss Fine". It's like it was meant to be. 288 00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:25,266 [CHUCKLES] 289 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:26,400 Well, you could always send it to Morgan Freeman. 290 00:12:28,216 --> 00:12:30,316 Oh, Mima. 291 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,333 Mm, it smells just like her, 292 00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:36,150 Shalimar and stuffed cabbage. 293 00:12:36,183 --> 00:12:37,466 I remember when I was a little girl in the winter. 294 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,160 She would bundle me up in her coat with her, 295 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,116 her bosoms right on top of my head. 296 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,500 My ears never got cold. 297 00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:46,333 I looked like Princess Leia. 298 00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:51,500 Until Mima got older. Then I looked like Goofy. 299 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,830 Funny, as a lad, I don't ever recall 300 00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:58,133 wearing bosoms as a hat. 301 00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,300 Although, once at a butlers convention-- 302 00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:00,316 Don't take me there, Niles. 303 00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:05,100 Oh, my God, Fran, what is that dead animal? 304 00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:05,400 Where? Where? 305 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:08,400 On your back. 306 00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:11,266 Oh, this. Oh, I inherited it. 307 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,830 But I refused to accept it. 308 00:13:13,116 --> 00:13:15,160 Then why are you wearing it? 309 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,100 Uh, I'm just indulging Niles. 310 00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:18,450 He wanted to see me in it. 311 00:13:18,483 --> 00:13:20,200 All right, already, are you happy? 312 00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,133 Can I take it off? Sheesh! 313 00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:24,283 Niles, I'm surprised at you. 314 00:13:24,316 --> 00:13:25,483 Oh, forgive me, Miss Margaret. 315 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:26,366 I'm such a beast. 316 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,283 Good morning, everyone...but Dad. 317 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,433 Niles, thank you so much 318 00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:41,100 for buying glass bottles 319 00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:42,333 instead of plastic ones at the market. 320 00:13:42,366 --> 00:13:44,250 My pleasure, Miss Margaret. 321 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:45,250 I've always wanted to know what a hernia felt like. 322 00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:50,366 Aren't you joining us, Maggie? 323 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,183 Oh, no. While you leisurely sit here and eat, 324 00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:54,400 hundreds of acres of rain forest 325 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,333 are being destroyed. 326 00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:58,400 So you're taking your croissant back to the Biosphere? 327 00:13:58,433 --> 00:13:59,116 [CLEARS THROAT] Sit down, Margaret. 328 00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:03,133 Hello, hello. 329 00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:04,350 Oh, C.C., care to join us? 330 00:14:04,383 --> 00:14:06,660 Well, is there enough? 331 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:09,330 No. Niles. 332 00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:10,150 Well, it's just that you know how I feel 333 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,266 about her eating inside. 334 00:14:14,466 --> 00:14:16,283 What was that? 335 00:14:16,316 --> 00:14:18,433 I asked what she would like on the side. 336 00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,416 Bacon? Sausage? 337 00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,283 Mighty Dog? 338 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,330 [YELPS] 339 00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,316 Oh, it's so nice sitting here with all of you. 340 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,450 I feel like part of the family. 341 00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,160 Good morning, Stacy. 342 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,216 Uh, Gracie. 343 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,166 Thank you... 344 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:43,450 Brighton. 345 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:48,466 So, kids, what's new? 346 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,233 Miss Fine's having a baby. 347 00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:51,433 ALL: What? 348 00:14:51,466 --> 00:14:53,160 Who's the father? 349 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:54,133 Why, Mr. Sheffield, of course. 350 00:14:54,166 --> 00:14:55,500 [SPITS] 351 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,166 Miss Fine, what on earth is all this about you being pregnant? 352 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,166 Pregnant? Me? Oh, that's impossible. 353 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,400 Well, it's not impossible. 354 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,160 Oh, yeah, it's impossible. 355 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,366 Miss Fine and Mr. Sheffield are hamsters. 356 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,830 Oh, I knew I left something out. 357 00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:21,330 Uh, please, no animals in the dining room. 358 00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,333 I will be in the office. 359 00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:24,466 Oh, very good, sir. Usually, I have to tug at her leash. 360 00:15:27,316 --> 00:15:29,333 Niles, has my mother called yet? 361 00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:32,333 No, I'm afraid not. 362 00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:35,160 Oh, Miss Fine, why don't you just take the blasted coat 363 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,330 and have done with it? 364 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:37,450 FRAN AND MAGGIE: No! 365 00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:39,333 Why can't Fran have an opinion 366 00:15:39,366 --> 00:15:41,160 different than her mother's? 367 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,300 Children should have the right 368 00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:44,166 to make their decisions and live their own lives. 369 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,200 You can have any opinion you like, Maggie. 370 00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:48,350 Just don't have it in the park after dark. 371 00:15:48,383 --> 00:15:50,283 With Mark. Oh, there's your poetry. 372 00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:52,400 Now you don't have to go. 373 00:15:54,383 --> 00:15:57,660 Oh, come on, Miss Fine. 374 00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,433 How did you make up with your mother in the past? 375 00:15:58,466 --> 00:16:00,416 Well, when I was a little girl, 376 00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,166 I would put a napkin on my head 377 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,316 and singSunrise, Sunset. 378 00:16:05,466 --> 00:16:07,316 At eight, it's adorable. 379 00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,000 At 30, they're giving you 3000 units of Thorazine. 380 00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:13,300 Well, if there's anything I can do... 381 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:15,830 Well, now that you mention it, 382 00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:17,383 couldn't you talk to her, please? 383 00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:20,416 I mean, you're so handsome, diplomatic. 384 00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:22,266 What does that to do with anything? 385 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,183 Well, my mother responds to good looks. 386 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,000 She always said you reminded her 387 00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:27,483 of Dave from Alvin and the Chipmunks. 388 00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:32,660 The cartoon? - Yeah. 389 00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,366 She had a thing for George Jetson too, 390 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,483 but he's a little more goyish. 391 00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:41,466 Oh, Niles, isn't Mr. Sheffield a doll 392 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,350 for going to all the trouble 393 00:16:43,383 --> 00:16:45,233 of inviting my mother here for dinner? 394 00:16:45,266 --> 00:16:47,166 Yes. He's really knocked himself out. 395 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,333 Did you stock the bar? 396 00:16:50,366 --> 00:16:53,830 Yes, Miss Fine. We have Chivas, Pimm's, Stolichnaya. 397 00:16:53,116 --> 00:16:54,266 What does Sylvia like to drink? 398 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,466 Diet Slice. Oh. Will Fresca do? 399 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,100 No! It doesn't have the zest of lime in. 400 00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,333 Oy, now I'm gonna have to go out. 401 00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:06,216 Hi. - Oh, Miss Fine. 402 00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,116 Well, this should be an interesting dinner, sir. 403 00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,416 Miss Fine and her mother not speaking, 404 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,366 Miss Margaret not speaking to you. 405 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,416 That will leave the bulk of the conversation 406 00:17:12,450 --> 00:17:14,333 to you and...Sylvia. 407 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,200 Oh, good God. 408 00:17:17,233 --> 00:17:19,500 Well, perhaps you can swap stories. 409 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,100 You can tell her how you started in the theater, 410 00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:24,416 and she can tell you how she removes unwanted hair. 411 00:17:24,450 --> 00:17:26,483 For heaven sakes, we've got to get someone else for dinner. 412 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,316 Well, it is Saturday night, sir. Most people do have a life. 413 00:17:28,350 --> 00:17:29,250 Well, I'm off. 414 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:34,660 [CHUCKLES] 415 00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,150 C.C., by any chance are you free tonight? 416 00:17:36,183 --> 00:17:38,116 No, I have to pick up my grandfather 417 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:40,316 from the airport. 418 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,100 Old thing's in a wheelchair with a respirator on-- 419 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:46,330 Why? 420 00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:47,150 I was wondering if you'd care to join me for dinner? 421 00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:49,160 Done! Love to. 422 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,500 What about your grandfather? 423 00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:53,500 Oh, he'll get a Skycap. He's loaded. 424 00:17:53,830 --> 00:17:55,400 He'll put a 20 in his mouth and wave it. 425 00:17:55,433 --> 00:17:57,133 No, no. I just can't do this. 426 00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:59,150 No, M-Maxwell, it's not a problem. 427 00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:01,216 The old guy's in a wheelchair. It's downhill from La Guardia. 428 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:04,316 No. You see, it won't be just us. 429 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,830 I'm afraid Miss Fine and her mother will be there. 430 00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:08,466 Oh, Ihate 431 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,660 Which one? - Pick. 432 00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:15,160 Really? Sylvia's always saying what a beautiful, 433 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,660 charming, sophisticated woman of the world you are. 434 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,383 Really? Those are her exact words? 435 00:18:22,216 --> 00:18:25,500 That reminds me. I have to get the name of your manicurist. 436 00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:26,250 Sylvia's always going on about 437 00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:28,316 how beautiful and young your hands look. 438 00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:31,333 I've always adored Syl. 439 00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:32,383 But if you have a more pressing engagement-- 440 00:18:32,416 --> 00:18:34,330 Forget about Gramps. 441 00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:35,183 I'll call the airline, 442 00:18:35,216 --> 00:18:37,350 they'll stick him where they put the skis. 443 00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,383 Niles, another place setting on the table, 444 00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:41,116 and make it right next to my pal, Syl. 445 00:18:44,316 --> 00:18:47,350 "Get the name of your manicurist," indeed. 446 00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:49,160 I learned from the master. 447 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,200 Yeah, well... [CHUCKLES] 448 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,660 Aren't my hamsters cute? 449 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,183 We named the babies Maggie, Brighton and Grace. 450 00:18:56,216 --> 00:18:58,100 There was a C.C., but Miss Fine ate her. 451 00:18:58,133 --> 00:18:58,366 [NILES CHUCKLES] 452 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,216 Isn't that adorable? 453 00:19:05,283 --> 00:19:06,316 The kid collects vermin. 454 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:12,400 Syl? Is that you? 455 00:19:12,433 --> 00:19:14,830 Yeah. I was invited. 456 00:19:15,316 --> 00:19:16,483 [LAUGHS] 457 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,333 Shame on you, girlfriend. 458 00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:24,183 Why haven't we done lunch? 459 00:19:24,216 --> 00:19:26,100 Because when you saw me eat a chicken, 460 00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:26,466 you had to take an Advil. 461 00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:33,160 Oh, hi, Ma. What a nice surprise. 462 00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:34,183 Gee, I didn't know Mr. Sheffield 463 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,450 invited you for dinner. 464 00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:37,366 You want a Diet Slice? 465 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,483 No, thanks. It gases me up. 466 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,150 Come,Cicileh. 467 00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:48,200 Oh, this ring is stunning. 468 00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:50,283 My aunt gave it to me. 469 00:19:50,316 --> 00:19:53,830 Oh, it's a family heirloom. 470 00:19:53,116 --> 00:19:56,100 How nice of you not throw it back in youraunt's 471 00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,330 Mom, would you cut me some slack? 472 00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:02,366 Why won't you wear a stinking coat? 473 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,450 You watch your tone of voice, young lady. 474 00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:06,166 Oh, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. 475 00:20:08,283 --> 00:20:10,283 Not you, Ma. He's talking to Maggie. 476 00:20:10,316 --> 00:20:12,160 Maggie does nothing. 477 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,000 She's a good daughter. 478 00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:15,330 And what am I, Patti Davis? 479 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,233 This is just like when you refused 480 00:20:19,266 --> 00:20:21,383 the mother-daughter kaftans that I bought us. 481 00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:24,266 Six years old, in a turban? 482 00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:27,283 That's it. I wash my hands of you. 483 00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:29,183 Oh, Mr. Sheffield. - She's getting away. 484 00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:31,316 Niles, the napkin. - Oh, no, no. 485 00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:34,350 Yes, Miss Fine. Yes, yes. - No. No, no, no. 486 00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:39,660 ♪ Is this the little girl I carried? ♪ 487 00:20:40,350 --> 00:20:42,350 Fran, that's not fair. 488 00:20:42,383 --> 00:20:46,283 ♪ Is this the little boy At play? ♪ 489 00:20:46,316 --> 00:20:48,200 Boom, boom, boom. 490 00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:53,483 ♪ I don't remember Growing older ♪ 491 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,266 BOTH: ♪ When did they? ♪ 492 00:20:59,116 --> 00:21:01,166 Oh, Fran, I'm sorry. 493 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,300 I'm sorry too, Mom. [BOTH SOB] 494 00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,316 C.C.: Oh! 495 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,150 Syl! 496 00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:08,160 Honey, please, it's over. 497 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000 NILES: Miss Babcock, 498 00:21:11,330 --> 00:21:13,133 TWA is on the phone. 499 00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:14,200 It seems there's an unclaimed elderly gentleman 500 00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,166 on carousel five. 501 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,160 Ooh! 502 00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:21,150 Oh, Ma, I don't wanna fight anymore. 503 00:21:21,183 --> 00:21:23,660 Me neither. 504 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,366 It's just such an honor that Mima chose you. 505 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,000 She came to this country with nothing. 506 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,416 She worked, she sacrificed. 507 00:21:31,450 --> 00:21:35,483 This coat symbolizes the struggles of our family. 508 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,250 Ma, she won it onThe Price Is Right. 509 00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:43,483 Fran, you should keep the coat. 510 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:45,250 After all, you're the one 511 00:21:45,283 --> 00:21:47,450 who always says family comes first. 512 00:21:47,483 --> 00:21:51,250 Oh. All right, I'll keep the coat. 513 00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:54,200 Oh, I never thought I'd hear you say those words. 514 00:21:54,233 --> 00:21:56,450 But just in case, I got it right here. 515 00:21:56,483 --> 00:22:00,830 Oh. But I can't wear it. 516 00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:02,316 All right, maybe just around my cousin Marsha. 517 00:22:02,350 --> 00:22:04,166 Because it'll kill her. 518 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,433 And then at least the minks won't have died in vain. 519 00:22:09,283 --> 00:22:11,166 And, Dad, as important as this poetry meeting is to me... 520 00:22:13,216 --> 00:22:16,166 if you really don't want me to go... 521 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:16,483 then I'll respect your decision. 522 00:22:19,330 --> 00:22:20,160 I really don't want you to go. 523 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:21,000 Why not? 524 00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:30,133 That is the most beautiful coat I have ever seen. 525 00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:32,216 I'll give you $10,000 for it right now. 526 00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:35,200 Oh, no, I'm sorry. This coat-- 527 00:22:35,233 --> 00:22:36,216 Looks better on a blond. 528 00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:48,283 [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] 529 00:22:52,483 --> 00:22:54,250 Okay. [REMOTE CLICKS] 530 00:22:54,283 --> 00:22:58,416 Oh, Miss Fine, how can you watch these shows? 531 00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:00,100 Well, you're right. [TV PLAYS] 532 00:23:00,133 --> 00:23:01,333 It hasn't been the same since Shane left. 533 00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:04,466 You know, he auditioned for me once... 534 00:23:06,366 --> 00:23:08,000 with that phony British accent. 535 00:23:12,150 --> 00:23:14,400 How about an old Dick Van Dyke Show? 536 00:23:14,433 --> 00:23:18,830 Oh, I used to love that Millie Helper, the neighbor. 537 00:23:18,116 --> 00:23:20,160 She was so funny. 538 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,400 I don't know why they never spun her off. 539 00:23:22,433 --> 00:23:24,200 I heard she was very hard to work with.