1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,400 [PHONE BEEPS] Maxwell, we can get this kid. 2 00:00:04,433 --> 00:00:07,116 His parents said yes, his agent said yes. 3 00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:08,483 Now, shall I call L.A. and close the deal or not? 4 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,660 I don't know, C.C. 5 00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,350 A sitcom star in a revival ofOliver! 6 00:00:13,383 --> 00:00:14,450 What are we gonna to call it, 7 00:00:14,483 --> 00:00:15,250 Eight Orphans is Enough? 8 00:00:18,416 --> 00:00:22,660 Maxwell, this kid is on every lunchbox in America. 9 00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,300 This is little Kippy fromRoyal Flush. 10 00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:25,330 Never heard of it. Niles? 11 00:00:26,216 --> 00:00:28,830 Oh, I'm not much for sitcoms, sir. 12 00:00:28,116 --> 00:00:29,450 Well,Mr. Belvedere, Benson... 13 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,660 Anything, really, where the butler is 14 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:34,483 the smartest member of the family. 15 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,483 Maxwell, I am telling you 16 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,250 "Jack Walker" spells box office. 17 00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:43,830 He will appeal to even the least-cultured, 18 00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:45,333 lowest common denominator. 19 00:00:45,366 --> 00:00:50,330 Oh, you have got to try these pepperoni Hot Pockets. 20 00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:51,183 You will never order from Pizza Hut again. 21 00:00:51,216 --> 00:00:52,660 Mmm. 22 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,200 Wha--? 23 00:00:54,233 --> 00:00:56,166 Uh, Miss Fine, 24 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,266 have you by any chance heard of a young actor named Jack-- 25 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,500 Walker, from Royal Flush? 26 00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:02,416 Oh, the kid is a genius! 27 00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:04,150 When he goes, 28 00:01:04,183 --> 00:01:05,316 "Hey! Yo! Whoa!" - [C.C MOUTHING WORDS] 29 00:01:05,350 --> 00:01:06,183 Oh! 30 00:01:08,266 --> 00:01:10,500 See, Maxwell, if we've got Jack, 31 00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:11,150 we've got a success. 32 00:01:11,183 --> 00:01:13,233 I will bet my reputation on it. 33 00:01:13,266 --> 00:01:15,330 Oh, sorry, there's a $5 minimum. 34 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:18,283 [YELPS] 35 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:23,000 Look. He's walked off his show. 36 00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:24,333 He wants to do quality, and he thinks that's what we do. 37 00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:25,116 [CHUCKLES] 38 00:01:27,183 --> 00:01:29,366 All right, I'll think about making him an offer. 39 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,116 Yeah, well, don't give it as much thought as you did 40 00:01:31,150 --> 00:01:32,100 when you turned downCats. 41 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,366 What is the bloody statute of limitations 42 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,316 on that mistake, Miss Fine? 43 00:01:37,350 --> 00:01:40,160 I would say "now and forever". 44 00:01:42,266 --> 00:01:45,000 Have you ever even seen Royal Flush? 45 00:01:45,330 --> 00:01:46,366 Oh, God, now she's sitting on the desk. 46 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,166 This is gonna be an hour, at least. 47 00:01:48,166 --> 00:01:49,466 I'll be brief. 48 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,466 See, it's all about this rich, handsome widower 49 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,000 who hires this really streetwise maid to take care of his kids... 50 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,183 only she's really gorgeous, 51 00:01:58,216 --> 00:02:00,330 so there's this major sexual tension. 52 00:02:01,216 --> 00:02:03,200 Oh, please! FRAN: What? 53 00:02:03,233 --> 00:02:04,383 He's in love with his business partner. 54 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:06,283 She's got all the class. 55 00:02:06,316 --> 00:02:08,400 Oh, what show are you watching? 56 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:10,133 The butler shuts her up every time she opens her mouth. 57 00:02:12,660 --> 00:02:15,166 There's a butler? 58 00:02:15,166 --> 00:02:16,450 All right. Make the bloody deal. 59 00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:19,166 Anything to put an end to this insipid discussion. 60 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,283 Oh, this is exciting. 61 00:02:21,316 --> 00:02:24,330 So you'll put him up at a really nice hotel, 62 00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:25,450 give him the red-carpet treatment 63 00:02:25,483 --> 00:02:28,416 you know, room service, limos, theater tickets. 64 00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:30,450 Oh, and, you know, just so that he shouldn't feel alone, 65 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,200 I'll go with him and take care of him. 66 00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:35,466 M-Maxwell, Nanny Fine is not qualified 67 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,000 to take care of him. 68 00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,500 He's a very important child. 69 00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:40,000 Unlike my own children? 70 00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:45,300 Whoopsie. 71 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,216 I'm picturing the Plaza, 72 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,166 which is right down the road from Elizabeth Arden, 73 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,133 in case he needs a bikini wax. 74 00:02:53,233 --> 00:02:56,160 He'll stay here with us until his parents can join him. 75 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:57,400 Oh. Right. 76 00:02:57,433 --> 00:02:59,830 Well, whatever's best for the boy. 77 00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:01,183 [WHISPERS] This close. 78 00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:06,316 [THEME TUNE PLAYS] 79 00:03:06,350 --> 00:03:07,400 ♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪ 80 00:03:07,433 --> 00:03:09,150 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 81 00:03:09,183 --> 00:03:10,233 ♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪ 82 00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:12,183 ♪ In one Of those crushing scenes ♪ 83 00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:14,000 ♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪ 84 00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:16,116 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 85 00:03:17,316 --> 00:03:18,350 ♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪ 86 00:03:18,383 --> 00:03:19,450 ♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪ 87 00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:21,250 ♪ She was there to sell makeup ♪ 88 00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:22,416 ♪ But the father saw more ♪ 89 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:24,383 ♪ She had style, she had flair, she was there ♪ 90 00:03:24,416 --> 00:03:27,200 ♪ That's how she became The Nanny ♪ 91 00:03:28,483 --> 00:03:31,400 ♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪ 92 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:33,466 ♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪ 93 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:34,450 ♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪ 94 00:03:34,483 --> 00:03:36,216 ♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪ 95 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,283 ♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪ 96 00:03:37,316 --> 00:03:39,000 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 97 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:40,233 ♪ She's the lady in red ♪ 98 00:03:40,266 --> 00:03:44,450 ♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪ 99 00:03:44,483 --> 00:03:46,100 ♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪ 100 00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:47,116 ♪ The nanny named Fran ♪ 101 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,660 Come on, kids,Royal Flush is goin' on. 102 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,166 [TV PLAYS] I likeFull House 103 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,183 No way,Royal Flush Full House 104 00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:01,316 Oh, look, there he is. 105 00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:04,660 Hey! Yo! Whoa! 106 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,466 Ah! It's a gift from God. 107 00:04:07,383 --> 00:04:08,233 Like Streisand. 108 00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:12,150 No, he is so obnoxious. 109 00:04:12,183 --> 00:04:14,216 It's TV, Mags. It's a formula. 110 00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,283 Look, the big sister's an airhead, 111 00:04:16,316 --> 00:04:18,150 and the little kid is obnoxious. 112 00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:19,500 But then he develops into a teen heartthrob. 113 00:04:22,416 --> 00:04:24,433 Yeah, but he better keep his ego in check. 114 00:04:24,466 --> 00:04:26,150 Otherwise, he's gonna be knockin' over video stores 115 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,500 with Dana Plato. 116 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,266 What happens to the cute little one? 117 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,166 She gets a breast reduction and goes to Yale. 118 00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:40,160 Please, would you turn that off? 119 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,350 Jack will be here any minute. 120 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,100 Oh, God, look at him. 121 00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:45,316 He...he can't act. 122 00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:48,830 Shh! Here comes the maid. 123 00:04:48,116 --> 00:04:50,433 Don't start with me, Clive. 124 00:04:50,466 --> 00:04:51,233 [LAUGHS] 125 00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:57,116 [LAUGHS] 126 00:04:57,150 --> 00:05:00,100 Oh, just look at the clothes she's wearing. 127 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,316 How could she afford to dress like that on her salary? 128 00:05:03,316 --> 00:05:04,283 I know I can't. 129 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,500 This is absurd. 130 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,250 The father just stands there like a stunned beast 131 00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:12,400 and gives his bloody servants the run of the house. 132 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,366 The servants don't have the run of the house. 133 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,660 Oh, by the way, my mother's comin' over 134 00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:20,483 to use your jacuzzi tub. 135 00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:24,433 Tell her level 3 bubbles and pulsates. 136 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:26,416 So I've heard. 137 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,660 [DOORBELL RINGS] Okay. 138 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,100 Kids, shut the TV off. 139 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,133 The last thing Jack Walker wants to hear 140 00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:36,500 is lines from his own show. 141 00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:41,383 Hey! Yo! Whoa! 142 00:05:41,416 --> 00:05:42,433 Like, I haven't heard that in about two seconds. 143 00:05:44,216 --> 00:05:46,100 Jack, how was the flight? 144 00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:47,416 I hate airplane food. It's loaded with salt. 145 00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,000 Look at me, I'm all bloated. 146 00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:49,466 I look nine. 147 00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:54,830 Jack, I'm Maxwell Sheffield. 148 00:05:54,116 --> 00:05:56,216 Yeah, yeah. How you doin'? Love that tie, babe. 149 00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,450 Who's this? [GIGGLES] 150 00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,300 Oh, I'm Fran. 151 00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:00,483 And I'm such a big fan. 152 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,116 I've seen every one of your episodes. 153 00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:05,150 Except for the one that the president interrupted, 154 00:06:05,183 --> 00:06:07,100 like he couldn't invade Haiti duringBlossom? 155 00:06:08,216 --> 00:06:08,483 [BOTH LAUGH] 156 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,316 [HE CHUCKLES] 157 00:06:11,350 --> 00:06:13,133 Babbling, Miss Fine. 158 00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:15,150 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so excited. 159 00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:17,830 I can't believe I'm meeting little Kippy Cooper. 160 00:06:17,116 --> 00:06:18,216 Please pinch me. 161 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,660 Oh! 162 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,416 [SINGSONGY] That's just an expression! 163 00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:28,216 Jack, come on, let me introduce you to my children. 164 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:30,383 This is Brighton, Grace and Maggie. 165 00:06:30,416 --> 00:06:33,200 Hey, I really dug that episode where you lost your virginity. 166 00:06:33,233 --> 00:06:34,366 Yeah, like I had to act. [LAUGHS] 167 00:06:37,183 --> 00:06:39,300 Brighton, since you'll be sharing a room, 168 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,116 why don't you go up and put away your toys, hm? 169 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:41,483 Toys? 170 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,450 Toys?! 171 00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:47,383 Why don't you just bring out the home movies 172 00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,830 of me going pee-pee in a cowboy hat and holster? 173 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,250 Do you know the Olsen twins? 174 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,416 Intimately. 175 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:59,366 The three of us went to Palm Springs, we were in a hot tub-- 176 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,330 Ah, Gracie, it's your bedtime. 177 00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:03,166 Bedtime. 178 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,250 Uh, when's my bedtime? Wanna tuck me in? 179 00:07:06,283 --> 00:07:08,266 You know, you must be a very good actor, 180 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:09,483 because on the show you're so endearing. 181 00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:13,316 I don't know why you hired him. 182 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,450 [SCOFFS] 183 00:07:15,483 --> 00:07:18,116 Well, well, well. [CHUCKLES] 184 00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,450 Guess it just leaves me and you. 185 00:07:19,483 --> 00:07:21,116 [SHE CHUCKLES] 186 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:22,300 Not unless that head screws off, 187 00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:23,183 and you can put on Jason Priestley's. 188 00:07:25,283 --> 00:07:27,250 [UNDER BREATH] All right! 189 00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:29,830 Look how she just cuts him off at the knees. 190 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,400 From a lump of clay. 191 00:07:34,316 --> 00:07:36,150 [CLEARS THROAT] If you'll excuse me, Jack, 192 00:07:36,183 --> 00:07:37,266 I promised your parents I'd telephone 193 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,150 that you arrived safely. 194 00:07:39,183 --> 00:07:41,300 How you leave is another matter. 195 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:43,133 May I take your bags, sir? 196 00:07:43,166 --> 00:07:45,133 Oh, thank you very much, my good man. 197 00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:46,383 Here's, um, a hundred. 198 00:07:46,416 --> 00:07:47,250 Uh, what'll I call you? 199 00:07:49,330 --> 00:07:49,433 Oh, just whistle. 200 00:07:56,316 --> 00:07:57,450 All right, come on, Damien-- 201 00:07:57,483 --> 00:07:58,483 I-I mean, Jack. 202 00:08:01,116 --> 00:08:02,166 I'll show you around. 203 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,160 Yeah, I've been around, 204 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,830 but I'll watch you walk. 205 00:08:05,116 --> 00:08:06,350 Oh! 206 00:08:06,383 --> 00:08:07,366 Sorry, just a reflex. [CHUCKLES] 207 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,233 Yeah, so is this. 208 00:08:18,366 --> 00:08:21,116 How's your pudding, Miss Babcock? 209 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,160 It's delicious. Why? 210 00:08:23,350 --> 00:08:25,150 Just as I thought. 211 00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:26,200 These expiration dates are meaningless. 212 00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:37,250 How do you become a full-fledged moron by 12? 213 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,216 Who you talking about? 214 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,500 Oh, that Walker kid. 215 00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:41,183 The eighth dwarf, Horny. 216 00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:46,166 Ilove 217 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,250 I mean, Jack Daniels-- 218 00:08:47,283 --> 00:08:48,183 I mean, Jack Walker. 219 00:08:51,233 --> 00:08:53,216 Ever since Rob Roy and Tom Collins left her, 220 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:54,116 they've all been a blur. 221 00:08:57,233 --> 00:09:02,133 I think he is the most obnoxious, sexist brat. 222 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:05,216 He thinks that he can come here and look me up and down 223 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:07,250 and pinch me just 'cause he makes millions. 224 00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:09,330 Well, he's got a good ten years 225 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:12,830 before he can get away with that. 226 00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:14,400 Who cares? Your job is to make him happy. 227 00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:16,400 Not at the expense of my kids. 228 00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:18,316 And I'll tell you, that Jack Walker 229 00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,133 is making everyone miserable. 230 00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:21,333 God bless Jack Walker. 231 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,100 This wasthe of my life. 232 00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:26,300 Good call, Nanny Fine. 233 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:29,250 [CACKLES] 234 00:09:29,283 --> 00:09:30,316 Fran, you should've seen it. 235 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,116 People were hangin' all over me. 236 00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:34,233 I have finally found my calling in life - 237 00:09:34,266 --> 00:09:35,100 sucking up to a famous guy. 238 00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:41,316 Oh, honey, you're underestimating yourself. 239 00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:44,483 You don't need Jack Walker to be popular. 240 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,830 You got a trust fund that could choke a horse. 241 00:09:48,366 --> 00:09:50,500 Do you think it would be okay if I grabbed a bite 242 00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:51,250 with Jack and some girls from school? 243 00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:55,660 Oh, your first dinner date. 244 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,160 I remember when I was your age. 245 00:09:57,500 --> 00:10:00,160 No, I don't. 246 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,330 Oh, yeah, yeah. I do, I do. 247 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,316 You know, Alby Malcolm and I went out for burritos. 248 00:10:05,350 --> 00:10:06,416 Don't do that. 249 00:10:11,216 --> 00:10:13,383 [ALL CHUCKLE] 250 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:15,300 Hi, Brighton. Hi, Brighton. 251 00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:18,316 Hi, girls. I'm Fran, the nanny. [CHUCKLES] 252 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:19,333 Cute bustier. 253 00:10:21,466 --> 00:10:23,350 Won't you excuse us? 254 00:10:23,383 --> 00:10:27,183 No-ho-ho-ho-ho. 255 00:10:27,216 --> 00:10:29,000 Oh, but, Fran! 256 00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:30,350 Just what did you think you were going to do 257 00:10:30,383 --> 00:10:32,433 with an 18-year-old girl? 258 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,366 I was hoping to feel my way through the situation. 259 00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:39,316 All right, I'll go to my room. 260 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:42,330 Heidi, go to his room. 261 00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:43,300 Heidi, if you ever want to see the Alps again, 262 00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:44,116 hit the road. 263 00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:47,160 You too, honey. 264 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,383 [YODELS] ♪ Yodel-ay-hee-hoo ♪ 265 00:10:48,416 --> 00:10:51,450 We're gonna have to lay down some ground rules here. 266 00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:53,366 Oh, yeah? Who says I gotta listen to you? 267 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,660 Listen, Mister Pister, 268 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,500 when you've got a house of your own, 269 00:10:58,830 --> 00:10:59,350 you can do whatever you want. 270 00:10:59,383 --> 00:11:01,100 But as long as you're undermy 271 00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,660 Ma, stop throwin' your voice. 272 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,450 If you don't lay off me, I'm gonna call my agent, 273 00:11:06,483 --> 00:11:08,333 I'm gonna get you fired. 274 00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:10,283 Good. What do you think? 275 00:11:10,316 --> 00:11:13,500 I'm scared of a little bald man with a cigar? 276 00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,383 Oh, yeah? My agent happens to be 34, 277 00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:17,183 6'2", with a mansion in Beverly Hills 278 00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:19,830 and a Porsche. 279 00:11:19,116 --> 00:11:21,383 Oh, well, go ahead and call him. 280 00:11:21,416 --> 00:11:23,133 Better yet, I'll call him. 281 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:26,330 Give me his number. 282 00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:27,333 And a little privacy, 'cause this is right up my alley. 283 00:11:29,450 --> 00:11:33,830 I'm not happy. 284 00:11:33,116 --> 00:11:35,000 You know, you think that you're such a big shot 285 00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:36,266 just because you're in show business. 286 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:38,216 Why don't you act like a normal kid? 287 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:40,150 You should be out riding your bicycle, 288 00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:42,330 torturing your sister, buying fake doody. 289 00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,250 Don't you even have any friends? 290 00:11:46,283 --> 00:11:48,266 Sure, I do. My agent, my manager, my publicist. 291 00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:51,330 Yes, little buddy! 292 00:11:53,166 --> 00:11:54,160 Ah... 293 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,450 Right on time. 294 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,300 Here. Just for being you. 295 00:11:58,333 --> 00:11:59,416 Love to love ya, baby. 296 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,433 Name me one person that doesn't make a buck off of you. 297 00:12:07,466 --> 00:12:09,300 Besides your parents. 298 00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:10,216 Well, actually, we're in litigation. 299 00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,160 You're suing your own parents? 300 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,183 How can you do that? 301 00:12:16,216 --> 00:12:18,330 They're ripping me off. 302 00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:20,100 No, I mean how can you do that, 'cause my folks-- 303 00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:20,366 Ah, they don't have any money. 304 00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:26,500 You know, Niles, I've had it up to here with that kid. 305 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:27,266 Either he goes, or I do. 306 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:28,433 Well, let's see. 307 00:12:28,466 --> 00:12:29,450 For bringing him a glass of milk, 308 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:32,160 he gave me $100. 309 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,333 For my birthday, you gave me a comb. 310 00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:39,116 [KNOCKS ON DOOR] 311 00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:41,100 Mr. Sheffield, I have to talk to you. 312 00:12:41,133 --> 00:12:42,233 Oh, no, Miss Fine. 313 00:12:42,266 --> 00:12:44,283 I want to talk to you. 314 00:12:44,316 --> 00:12:47,366 Oh, if it's about the clogged Jacuzzi, I'm sorry, 315 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,160 but once my mother starts scrubbing with a loofa, 316 00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:51,183 it's like makin' snow in Lillehammer. 317 00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:57,383 No, Miss Fine, I want to thank you... 318 00:12:57,416 --> 00:13:00,160 for convincing me to hire Jack. 319 00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:03,383 Maxwell! That was my idea. 320 00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,150 What do I have to do to please anyone around this house? 321 00:13:06,183 --> 00:13:07,166 Niles... 322 00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:13,300 But, sir, fish gotta swim. 323 00:13:16,233 --> 00:13:18,160 Control yourself, man. 324 00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:19,316 Oh, very well, sir. 325 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,160 [CACKLES] 326 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:25,150 Lemon? [SQUIRTS] 327 00:13:25,150 --> 00:13:27,150 Look, Miss Fine, 328 00:13:27,183 --> 00:13:29,830 his marquee value alone has the investors 329 00:13:29,116 --> 00:13:30,333 throwing money at me. 330 00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:32,183 You wonderful woman, you. 331 00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:34,116 Oh, I could just kiss you. 332 00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:35,660 Mmm-mwah! 333 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,133 [GASPS] Well... 334 00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:41,333 How long's the kid gonna be here, a week? 335 00:13:43,483 --> 00:13:44,483 [KNOCKING AT DOOR] JACK: Mr. Sheffield? 336 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,383 Oh, let me get that for you, sir. 337 00:13:49,116 --> 00:13:50,200 Thanks, old man. Pleasure. 338 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,366 Here's my little Oliver. 339 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,416 Ha-ha! 340 00:13:58,450 --> 00:13:59,366 [IMITATING OLIVER TWIST] Please, sir, 341 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,116 I want some more. [CHUCKLES] 342 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:04,466 Uh, no, I haven't memorized all my lines yet. 343 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,333 Well, it's the first one. We're opening soon. 344 00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:09,330 Hoo-hoo, tick-tock. 345 00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:11,366 Uh, yeah. That's what I wanna talk to you about. 346 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,330 I'm quitting show business. 347 00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:15,160 You're quitting what? 348 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,383 I just wanna be a normal kid, and I want out. 349 00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:19,483 And out you shall be just as soon asOliver! 350 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,366 finishes its three-year run. 351 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,116 [IMITATES ROCKET] 352 00:14:24,116 --> 00:14:25,233 No. Now. 353 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:27,183 I'm sorry. 354 00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,466 [DOOR SLAMS] 355 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,660 [SOBS] No! 356 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:37,330 How can this happen? 357 00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,133 Oh, I don't know. 358 00:14:39,166 --> 00:14:41,133 Probably some wacko puttin' ideas into his head. 359 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:44,233 [THUMP] 360 00:14:46,350 --> 00:14:49,330 Fran, I just wanted to thank you. 361 00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:50,166 Oh, honey, there's no reason to thank-- 362 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,216 No, no, I wanted to thank you-- 363 00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:53,316 Please! I just made you a sandwich. 364 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,350 If it wasn't for your-- - Honey, you're embarrassing me. 365 00:14:56,383 --> 00:14:58,450 If it wasn't for your advice, I would have spent 366 00:14:58,483 --> 00:15:00,166 the rest of my life as an actor making other people rich. 367 00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:05,133 [SNIFFS] 368 00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:06,116 Do you smell gas? 369 00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:08,333 [DOOR SLAMS] 370 00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:18,233 Nanny Fine, you're alone in a room with the kid 371 00:15:18,266 --> 00:15:22,466 for two minutes, and he wants to quit show business?! 372 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,133 God, if only we could put her in a room 373 00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:25,183 with Tori Spelling. 374 00:15:30,383 --> 00:15:33,166 I could kill you. 375 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,416 I could rip out your heart with my bare hands! 376 00:15:39,466 --> 00:15:41,660 She doesn't have a key to the house, does she? 377 00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:46,200 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, 378 00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:49,250 maybe it's all for the best. 379 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,316 No, it is not all for the best, Miss Fine. 380 00:15:52,350 --> 00:15:54,483 It is not all for the best at all. 381 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,350 But you yourself said 382 00:15:56,383 --> 00:15:58,183 that the kid was a pain in the butt. 383 00:15:58,216 --> 00:15:59,316 [CHUCKLES] All right, Miss Fine. 384 00:15:59,350 --> 00:16:01,400 Let me see if you can follow this, hm? 385 00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:04,660 Sky...[INHALES] blue. 386 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,450 Fire... [GASPS] hot. 387 00:16:05,483 --> 00:16:07,350 Actor... pain in the butt. 388 00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,233 You are going to rectify this situation. 389 00:16:12,266 --> 00:16:13,433 Wow, that sounds painful. 390 00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:19,100 Yes. 391 00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:20,400 Thanks to you, 392 00:16:20,433 --> 00:16:22,250 in eight weeks the curtain goes up 393 00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:25,233 on a 6-foot, 300-pound stage manager 394 00:16:25,266 --> 00:16:27,483 with a mohawk, singing Consider Yourself One of Us. 395 00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:31,283 Well, all right. 396 00:16:31,316 --> 00:16:32,116 What do you have in mind? 397 00:16:34,116 --> 00:16:35,233 You're gonna talk him back into the show. 398 00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:36,383 Oh, but, Mr. Sheffield... 399 00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:39,330 No buts, Miss Fine. 400 00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:40,366 You are going to march yourself upstairs, 401 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,366 put on something smashing, 402 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,233 take him to the best restaurant in town, 403 00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:46,200 and order the most expensive thing on the menu. 404 00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:48,283 Well, all right, 405 00:16:48,316 --> 00:16:50,160 but I'm not taking the limo! 406 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:51,300 Oh, yes, you are. 407 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,166 Slave driver! Hmm. 408 00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:03,660 But there is no way 409 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,330 you're gonna buy me a new dress. 410 00:17:05,450 --> 00:17:06,233 Get out! 411 00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:10,266 [WHISPERS] Oh, I-- 412 00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:10,366 [WHISPERS] This close. 413 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:16,483 WAITER: Right this way. 414 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,330 Hello. 415 00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:20,416 Mmm, oh, how's the fish? 416 00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:27,330 Oh, boy, I cannot believe 417 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:29,216 who is sitting right over there. 418 00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:30,483 Oh, you mean Jack Nicholson? 419 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,166 Jack, Jack, over here. How you doin'? 420 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,416 No, no, to the right, to the right. 421 00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:38,433 Oh, you mean Whoopi? 422 00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:40,383 Whoopi, over here. 423 00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:41,166 What's up? How you doin'? 424 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,350 What, are you blind? 425 00:17:45,383 --> 00:17:47,133 Behind me, behind me. 426 00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:48,233 It's Bob Barker. 427 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:50,350 Who? 428 00:17:53,316 --> 00:17:55,183 Oh, sir, this table is definitely not gonna work. 429 00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:56,233 I'm in a terrible draft. 430 00:17:57,416 --> 00:17:59,200 Hello. 431 00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:01,283 I'm Fran. 432 00:18:01,316 --> 00:18:03,333 Hello. Bob Barker. 433 00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:05,660 [GIGGLES] 434 00:18:07,660 --> 00:18:09,150 Oh, Bob Barker, 435 00:18:09,183 --> 00:18:11,100 I'm your biggest fan. 436 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:14,483 I know I'm wearing an animal print, but it's fake. 437 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,660 Not these. These are real. I meant the dress. [LAUGHS] 438 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,660 I just want you to know everyone in my family 439 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,466 has been spayed and neutered. 440 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,166 Well, their pets. [GIGGLES] 441 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,266 Did I tell you I just love 442 00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,500 The Price is Right? 443 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:30,500 I was just getting the check. 444 00:18:30,830 --> 00:18:31,350 Oh, wait, let me guess. 445 00:18:31,383 --> 00:18:33,266 Pasta primavera, $18.95? 446 00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,366 Higher. [SHE GASPS] 447 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,233 Oh, I don't wanna go over. 448 00:18:36,266 --> 00:18:37,216 [BOTH LAUGH] 449 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:39,266 Excuse me. 450 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,150 Bye, Bob, my table's ready. 451 00:18:45,283 --> 00:18:47,330 Oh, I can't believe 452 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,216 you wannna give all of this up. 453 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,116 Fran, I'm been schmoozing since I was two. 454 00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:55,166 My first words were, "I wanna renegotiate." 455 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,660 My first words were, "Can I take it back if I wore it?" 456 00:19:00,366 --> 00:19:02,466 Fran, I want you to know that you were right. 457 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,166 I just want to be a regular kid. 458 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,200 Oh, honey, 459 00:19:06,233 --> 00:19:08,250 you can be a regular kid 460 00:19:08,283 --> 00:19:11,283 and still be a big star with an exciting life. 461 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,250 Or you can be the kid sittin' at home, 462 00:19:13,283 --> 00:19:15,150 watchin' TV night after night, 463 00:19:15,183 --> 00:19:17,283 neglecting his studies, getting fired from the bridal shop, 464 00:19:17,316 --> 00:19:19,830 ending up being a nanny-- 465 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,330 We're getting sidetracked here. 466 00:19:21,450 --> 00:19:23,830 But you said that you-- 467 00:19:23,116 --> 00:19:24,830 Oh, forget about what I said. 468 00:19:24,116 --> 00:19:25,483 You've got a gift. 469 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,133 Do you think Einstein listened to his nanny 470 00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,283 when she said, "Put down the books and comb your hair"? 471 00:19:32,433 --> 00:19:34,466 Fran, I'm no Einstein. 472 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,166 He wrote the theory of relativity. 473 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,830 I wrote, "Hey! Yo! Whoa!" 474 00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,466 Oh, big deal. 475 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,383 He said emcees are square. 476 00:19:41,416 --> 00:19:43,133 Well, Ed McMahon's been provin' that for years. 477 00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:46,400 F-Fran... 478 00:19:49,366 --> 00:19:50,250 is Mr. Sheffield going to hold me to my contract? 479 00:19:51,466 --> 00:19:54,000 Well, I don't know, honey. 480 00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:56,283 I mean, I'm not a lawyer. 481 00:19:56,316 --> 00:19:58,500 Maybe you should ask the people that you hired 482 00:19:58,830 --> 00:19:59,416 to sue your mommy and your daddy. 483 00:20:04,266 --> 00:20:06,500 [SOBBING] Fran, I can't do this anymore. 484 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,266 Oh, sweetie. 485 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:11,160 Uh, look, you know what? 486 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,330 I'll talk to Mr. Sheffield. How's that? 487 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:13,466 Hey, Kippy. 488 00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:17,830 [CAMERA CLICKS] 489 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:20,330 [SOBBING] 490 00:20:23,166 --> 00:20:24,166 Your aspirin, sir. 491 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,150 Shh. 492 00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,450 D'you hear that sucking sound? 493 00:20:28,483 --> 00:20:32,116 That's the investors pulling their money out of my show. 494 00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:34,466 Oh, I too shall lament the loss of Mr. Walker. 495 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:35,483 He filled the house with tips. 496 00:20:38,116 --> 00:20:39,000 Joy. 497 00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:46,183 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm so proud of you. 498 00:20:46,216 --> 00:20:49,660 You're really doing the right thing. 499 00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:51,150 Every kid deserves to have a normal childhood. 500 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,233 Excuse me. 501 00:20:53,266 --> 00:20:57,116 Brighton, if you throw darts at your Picasso one more time, 502 00:20:57,150 --> 00:20:57,466 I'm taking it out of your room. 503 00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:02,330 Oh, there he is. Be nice. 504 00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:03,483 I am being nice, Miss Fine. 505 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,233 If I weren't, you'd be going with him. 506 00:21:05,266 --> 00:21:07,000 Oh, more of that British humor 507 00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:07,433 I've become so fond of. 508 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:11,233 Well, I guess I have everything. 509 00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:12,300 Hey, Brighton, see you, man. 510 00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:14,660 Yeah, we'll see ya. 511 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:15,383 I could cry. 512 00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:16,283 I came this close to having a life. 513 00:21:17,483 --> 00:21:19,366 No, you didn't. 514 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,200 Oh, Maggie, by the way, 515 00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:22,416 I called Jason Priestley for you. 516 00:21:22,450 --> 00:21:24,266 You did? Yeah. 517 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,216 but he doesn't date women taller than him, 518 00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:28,383 so maybe if you unscrewed your head... 519 00:21:28,416 --> 00:21:30,416 [JACK LAUGHS] Don't go! 520 00:21:33,233 --> 00:21:35,166 Hey, so long, Grace. 521 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,433 Sorry we didn't get to know each other better. 522 00:21:36,466 --> 00:21:38,366 That's okay, Fran and I went through all your luggage. 523 00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,150 Sweetie, 524 00:21:42,183 --> 00:21:44,000 we were just playing Midnight Express. 525 00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:46,316 Bye, Fran. 526 00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:48,160 Oh, bye, honey. 527 00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:49,830 Have a good childhood. - Thanks. 528 00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:52,660 Mr. Sheffield, 529 00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:52,483 thanks a lot for helping me get out of my contract. 530 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,333 Aww. 531 00:21:54,366 --> 00:21:57,000 Well, it was a pleasure, Jack, 532 00:21:57,330 --> 00:21:58,450 and all the very best of luck to you, hm? 533 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,160 You too. 534 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,183 Safe trip, sir. 535 00:22:01,216 --> 00:22:01,433 Thanks a lot, Niles. 536 00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:06,500 Well, don't you feel good? 537 00:22:07,133 --> 00:22:08,400 I feel poor. 538 00:22:08,433 --> 00:22:09,433 I feel good and poor. 539 00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:13,483 MAGGIE: Oh, God, we just got rid of that twerp 540 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,266 and now he's on "Good Day New York." 541 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,316 Oh, what a life. 542 00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:19,466 Poor boy can't even go back to his childhood in privacy. 543 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,660 Hey! Yo! Whoa! 544 00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:25,100 Jack Walker, America's favorite boy next door, 545 00:22:25,133 --> 00:22:27,333 has settled with the producers of 546 00:22:27,366 --> 00:22:31,133 for a staggering $85,000 a week, 547 00:22:31,166 --> 00:22:33,283 providing he can get out of his Broadway contract. 548 00:22:33,316 --> 00:22:35,133 In this reporter's opinion, 549 00:22:35,166 --> 00:22:36,483 you'd have to be a pretty big Broadway boob 550 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:37,166 to let that happen. 551 00:22:38,283 --> 00:22:39,830 This is Liz Smith. 552 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,183 M-Miss Fine? 553 00:22:42,216 --> 00:22:43,333 [CHUCKLES] 554 00:22:43,366 --> 00:22:45,300 And you said he couldn't act. 555 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:56,250 [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] 556 00:23:00,216 --> 00:23:02,200 I'd like you to meet my boss, Maxwell Sheffield. 557 00:23:02,233 --> 00:23:03,383 How do you do? 558 00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:05,183 And this is his partner, C.C. Babcock. 559 00:23:05,216 --> 00:23:07,133 Pleasure. And her dog, Chester. 560 00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:09,330 Our own little barker. 561 00:23:09,660 --> 00:23:10,333 Yes. 562 00:23:10,366 --> 00:23:12,366 BOB: What a cute dog. FRAN: Yeah. 563 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,400 Don't forget to have him neutered. 564 00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:16,000 [CHESTER GROWLS AND WHINES] 565 00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:21,233 He'll come back. 566 00:23:21,266 --> 00:23:22,316 They never do.