1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:08,000 ♪ When I was 17 It was a very good year ♪ 2 00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:10,483 Niles! That's incredible. 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,366 All day long with the butler act, 4 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,333 and then this voice comes out of you? 5 00:00:14,366 --> 00:00:16,166 You got a real Jim Nabors/Gomer Pyle thing 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,200 going on there. 7 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,433 [IMITATES GOMER PYLE] Surprise! Surprise! 8 00:00:20,466 --> 00:00:22,250 [LAUGHING] 9 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,150 Oh, don't make me laugh, 10 00:00:24,183 --> 00:00:26,500 I just hung up the phone from my sister, Nadine, 11 00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:27,660 you know, the caterer? Mm-hm. 12 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,350 Her husband left her. 13 00:00:28,383 --> 00:00:30,133 Oh, dear. 14 00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,266 Oh, I'll tell you, it doesn't surprise me. 15 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,500 Barry is the biggest lowlife, and I should know. 16 00:00:35,830 --> 00:00:37,160 I dated him for six months 17 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:38,233 before Nadine stole him away from me. 18 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:41,316 Miss Fine-- 19 00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,830 Oh, and you know, if only there was a way 20 00:00:43,116 --> 00:00:44,450 that I can finagle her to come stay with us 21 00:00:44,483 --> 00:00:46,150 for a couple of days. 22 00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:48,330 I really owe her. 23 00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:49,166 I mean, we came from the same womb, 24 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,660 but she was 13 pounds. 25 00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:52,183 After her, Mom was a water slide. 26 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,450 Why do you think I have such a beautiful forehead? 27 00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,133 Miss Fine-- 28 00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:02,216 You know, Niles, this party mix ain't bad, 29 00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:04,433 but I think you OD'd a little on the cinnamon. 30 00:01:04,466 --> 00:01:06,330 You're eating thepotpourri. 31 00:01:09,316 --> 00:01:10,233 Eh, it's fiber. 32 00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:15,100 Oh, this is the last thing I needed to see 33 00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,133 first thing in the morning. 34 00:01:17,166 --> 00:01:18,250 Well, why don't you stagger her work hours, sir? 35 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,333 My main singer's dropped out of our backers' audition. 36 00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:26,283 Ohh. 37 00:01:26,316 --> 00:01:28,160 I can't believe he just left us in the lurch. 38 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,133 Oh, well, why don't you use Niles? 39 00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:31,433 Niles? 40 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,133 No, no, no, you misunderstood. 41 00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:34,466 He said, "Left us in the lurch," 42 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,366 not, "Get us Lurch." 43 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,166 [CACKLING] 44 00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:42,266 [GROANS LIKE LURCH] 45 00:01:45,183 --> 00:01:48,400 Well, you know, I think you're missing a big opportunity here. 46 00:01:48,433 --> 00:01:50,116 But maybe I shouldn't open my mouth. 47 00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:51,250 Who knows if he'd even wanna do it? 48 00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:53,330 Yes, I do so love my work. 49 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:59,250 Mr. Sheffield, he could've made a fortune with his voice, 50 00:01:59,283 --> 00:02:02,300 but instead, the man chose to serve you. 51 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:06,350 He's not a smart man... but a very talented one. 52 00:02:06,383 --> 00:02:08,200 Oh, Miss Fine, do be serious. 53 00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:10,383 We need someone with a legit voice. 54 00:02:10,416 --> 00:02:13,216 ♪And the world would be better for this... 55 00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:15,116 Someone who can emote. 56 00:02:15,150 --> 00:02:18,660 ♪ That one man scorned and covered with stars... ♪ 57 00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,383 Sell it to the back of the house. 58 00:02:19,416 --> 00:02:23,266 ♪ Still strove with his last ounce of courage... ♪ 59 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,116 Sing out, Louise! 60 00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:28,216 ♪ Who'll reach the unreachable... ♪ 61 00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:30,433 ♪ ...star ♪ 62 00:02:30,466 --> 00:02:33,200 Oh, bravo! 63 00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:42,483 Oh, God. Maxwell, that was so good. 64 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,400 Top 10 things she says alone in bed. 65 00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:46,830 [LAUGHS] 66 00:02:46,116 --> 00:02:48,160 Niles. Yeah? 67 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,300 Perhaps you should take a look at the sheet music. 68 00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,830 Really? 69 00:02:51,116 --> 00:02:51,466 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you know, 70 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,250 I was just thinking, 71 00:02:53,283 --> 00:02:56,100 with Niles rehearsing your song, 72 00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,200 who's gonna do all the cooking? 73 00:02:58,233 --> 00:03:00,116 Well, you could help us out, Miss Fine. 74 00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:02,266 Oh, you know, I'd love to. 75 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,000 But remember, this is me making Lipton's. 76 00:03:06,150 --> 00:03:07,830 Well, I suppose I'll just have to hire someone. 77 00:03:07,116 --> 00:03:08,450 Oh, no. 78 00:03:08,483 --> 00:03:10,350 A stranger with all the expensive stuff 79 00:03:10,383 --> 00:03:12,160 you got laying around here? 80 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,133 I mean, the things I broke alone. 81 00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:21,283 Gee, if only one of us was related to a caterer... 82 00:03:23,383 --> 00:03:25,200 What? -Isn't your sister a caterer? 83 00:03:25,233 --> 00:03:29,183 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, you know, 84 00:03:29,216 --> 00:03:31,333 that's why I'm workin' foryou, 85 00:03:34,216 --> 00:03:37,116 [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] 86 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,266 ♪ She was workin' In a bridal shop ♪ 87 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,830 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 88 00:03:40,116 --> 00:03:41,250 ♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪ 89 00:03:41,283 --> 00:03:43,000 ♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪ 90 00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:44,366 ♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪ 91 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,100 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 92 00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:49,233 ♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪ 93 00:03:49,266 --> 00:03:51,660 ♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪ 94 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:53,283 ♪ She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more 95 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,266 ♪ She had style, she had flair She was there ♪ 96 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:59,200 ♪ That's how she became The nanny ♪ 97 00:03:59,233 --> 00:04:02,150 ♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we described ♪ 98 00:04:02,183 --> 00:04:04,283 ♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪ 99 00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:05,216 ♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪ 100 00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,000 ♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪ 101 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,660 ♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪ 102 00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:09,183 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 103 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,160 ♪ She's the lady in red ♪ 104 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:14,383 ♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪ 105 00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:17,830 ♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪ 106 00:04:17,116 --> 00:04:17,400 ♪ The nanny named Fran ♪ 107 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,450 ♪ Yah, yah, yah, yah, yai ♪ 108 00:04:24,483 --> 00:04:27,160 ♪ Yah, yah, yah, yah, yai yah, yah, yah ♪ 109 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,266 Oh, Niles, that's so beautiful. 110 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,250 Gee, you know, if you put on a yarmulke, 111 00:04:33,283 --> 00:04:35,500 you could be a cantor at Temple Beth Shalom. 112 00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:40,200 Hey, Fran, what do you think of this blouse? 113 00:04:40,233 --> 00:04:42,116 Well, that depends. 114 00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:43,366 You planning on wearing it with a leather mini-skirt 115 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,150 or just leggings? [LAUGHS] 116 00:04:46,450 --> 00:04:48,366 It's not for me. 117 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,000 It's for a girl I like, it's her birthday. 118 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:51,366 Well, B, this is see-through. 119 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,200 Oh, man. 120 00:04:56,483 --> 00:04:59,350 I didn't even notice that. - Yeah, yeah. 121 00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,466 Can you believe that kid? 122 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,000 Wanting to buy a see-through blouse for a little girl? 123 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,266 Boy, that reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, Danny. 124 00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:09,183 Do you know for my birthday once 125 00:05:09,216 --> 00:05:11,300 he actually bought me a G-string? 126 00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:13,450 Oh, dear, how inappropriate. 127 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:16,660 I'll tell you, if it wasn't my mother's birthday in two days, 128 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,216 I'd still be stuck with it. 129 00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:22,283 [DOORBELL BUZZES] 130 00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,350 That's Nadine. [BUZZING CONTINUES] 131 00:05:25,383 --> 00:05:26,233 She's a leaner. 132 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,333 Hi, angel. 133 00:05:29,366 --> 00:05:30,450 Hi, Nay. 134 00:05:30,483 --> 00:05:32,500 BOTH: Mwah! 135 00:05:34,316 --> 00:05:38,183 Oh, Nay, I'm so sorry about you and Barry busting up. 136 00:05:38,216 --> 00:05:39,366 Please, I'm fine. 137 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,150 Does this disposal work? 138 00:05:41,183 --> 00:05:42,830 Yeah. Why? 139 00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:46,183 [GRINDING] 140 00:05:46,216 --> 00:05:48,466 Well, at least you've made peace with it. 141 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,250 Come meet Niles, the butler. 142 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,300 How do you do? 143 00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:52,316 I take pills. Oh. 144 00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:57,266 Niles, who does my sister look like? 145 00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,400 Um...your mother? 146 00:05:59,433 --> 00:06:01,150 Niles, doesn't she feel bad enough? 147 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,400 [WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY] 148 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:06,160 A pair of faucets? 149 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,283 [SHOUTS] Farrah Fawcett! 150 00:06:07,316 --> 00:06:09,250 Ohh. 151 00:06:09,283 --> 00:06:11,133 Oh, yes, yes, it's remarkable. 152 00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:13,400 Everyone says that. 153 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:17,283 Nay, come, sit down. I'm so happy that you're here. 154 00:06:17,316 --> 00:06:19,483 It's good you got to get away for a couple of days. 155 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,250 I'm sure you're gonna miss the girls, though. 156 00:06:21,283 --> 00:06:23,116 Oh, they look like Barry. 157 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,000 That makes it easier. 158 00:06:26,830 --> 00:06:28,160 Still, it must be hard on them. 159 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:29,466 Mmm, divorce is tough. 160 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,316 No, I mean because they're staying with Ma. 161 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:34,400 [BOTH CACKLE] 162 00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:37,316 How did we make it out of there without turning into two yentas? 163 00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:39,183 BOTH: Ai, I tell ya. 164 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:44,366 BOTH: ♪ It's fun to stay at the YMCA ♪ 165 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,450 ♪ Yay ♪ 166 00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:47,133 [LAUGHING] 167 00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,300 Those were the days, my friend. 168 00:06:49,333 --> 00:06:52,000 Oh, I thought they'd never end. 169 00:06:54,316 --> 00:06:56,830 Say, you know, Loehmann's got in that big shipment. 170 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,300 Did you go over there on Thursday? 171 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,266 No. I had a barbecue. 172 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,133 I piled all of Barry's clothes outside his mother's house, 173 00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:01,433 and I set them on fire. 174 00:07:04,283 --> 00:07:07,830 Well, as long as you're not bitter. 175 00:07:07,116 --> 00:07:09,283 Barry and I stopped having sex two years ago. 176 00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:11,216 Do you know why? 177 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:12,366 Because you had that thing on your stomach 178 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,233 that needed to be drained? 179 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:19,366 No. That didn't bother him. 180 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,400 It was because he couldn't perform his animal husbandry. 181 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,200 Yeah, well, that was because he was performing nightly 182 00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:28,100 with that trampy salesgirl from Wilson's House of Suede. 183 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,133 What salesgirl? 184 00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,830 Nothing. 185 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,200 Fran, make her give it back. 186 00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:36,366 What? Ow! You're hurting me. 187 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,000 Oh, Fran, that could be us. 188 00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:40,333 No, you used to schlep me around by my nostrils. 189 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,133 Oh. 190 00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,416 Ow! 191 00:07:44,450 --> 00:07:46,283 Stop it, stop it, stop it. 192 00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:48,500 What's the matter? 193 00:07:48,830 --> 00:07:49,830 Gracie stole my lipstick. 194 00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:50,160 No, I didn't. 195 00:07:54,830 --> 00:07:55,160 Fran, don't you think she's a little young 196 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:56,250 to be wearing makeup? 197 00:07:56,283 --> 00:07:57,266 Don't you think she's a little young 198 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:57,483 to let her boyfriend-- 199 00:08:00,316 --> 00:08:03,830 You know what, Fran? I think I can handle this. 200 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,233 All right, listen to me. I want you to be nicer to your sister. 201 00:08:05,266 --> 00:08:07,200 Because someday you may need an organ, 202 00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:08,183 and your brother has a different blood type. 203 00:08:09,366 --> 00:08:11,266 Come here. Look at me and Nay. 204 00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:12,366 Love you, angel. Give me a kidney. 205 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,416 Take two. 206 00:08:13,450 --> 00:08:14,166 BOTH: Mwah! 207 00:08:16,466 --> 00:08:20,400 Oh, doesn't that just take you back? 208 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,200 I remember you were always stealing my stuff. 209 00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:24,216 Nay, what are you doing with my sweater? 210 00:08:25,266 --> 00:08:26,300 My sweater. 211 00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,116 No, it's not. 212 00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:29,383 I remember you gave it to me. 213 00:08:29,416 --> 00:08:31,283 I did not. 214 00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:33,330 Did too. You liar. 215 00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:34,500 Now give that to me. No. 216 00:08:34,830 --> 00:08:35,216 Give it to me. It's mine. 217 00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:36,433 Oh, good. 218 00:08:36,466 --> 00:08:37,383 Okay, you win. Fine. 219 00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,000 Ow. 220 00:08:39,330 --> 00:08:40,433 [BOTH SQUABBLE] 221 00:08:40,466 --> 00:08:42,216 Into the pool. 222 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:45,133 Stop it. You animal, you. 223 00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:46,433 Say uncle. 224 00:08:46,466 --> 00:08:47,483 Drop dead. 225 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:48,450 I'll spit on you. 226 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,330 Ma! 227 00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:55,400 Hi, girls. 228 00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:56,383 Did you work out your little problem? 229 00:09:12,483 --> 00:09:16,483 ♪ I'm the greatest star ♪ 230 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,216 ♪ I am by far ♪ 231 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:22,200 Take a bow, take it now! 232 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:24,383 ♪ But no one knows-- ♪ 233 00:09:24,416 --> 00:09:25,216 Good morning. 234 00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,433 Niles, tea. 235 00:09:28,466 --> 00:09:30,433 Yes, I'd love some. My throat's a little dry. 236 00:09:30,466 --> 00:09:33,133 And, uh, throw in a sprig of mint. 237 00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:36,500 [LAUGHING] I'm not getting you tea. 238 00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:37,283 Well, I'm not singing in your show. 239 00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:42,366 Lemon? 240 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,333 Yes. But we're out. 241 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,233 Here's $10. 242 00:09:48,233 --> 00:09:49,250 Get a little rawhide chewy for yourself. 243 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,133 It's okay, Nay. 244 00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:57,433 I didn't fill the bathtub up for me. 245 00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:01,660 Butch and Sundance might be coming by, 246 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,183 and I thought they might wanna water their horses. 247 00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:06,116 I take it Eva and Zsa Zsa are not hitting it off? 248 00:10:07,183 --> 00:10:09,300 Oh, you know, Niles, 249 00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:12,300 my sister has always wanted everything that I've had - 250 00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:14,366 my clothes, my toys. 251 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,166 Once I actually got a shag haircut 252 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,116 just because I knew she'd look lousy in it. 253 00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:22,383 Took me 12 weeks to grow out, but she looked like Cousin Itt. 254 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:27,483 Oh, I'll tell you, if she could, she wouldbe 255 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,200 Oh, Miss Fine, I'm sure you're exaggerating. 256 00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:30,283 No, I'm not-- 257 00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:32,150 Good morning, everyone. 258 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,233 Good morning, Nadine. 259 00:10:35,266 --> 00:10:37,100 Would you like a freshly baked croissant? 260 00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:39,400 Ooh, that sounds fabu. Sure it's no trouble? 261 00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:41,350 Oh, not at all. 262 00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:42,400 When Miss Babcock comes back, I'll send her back out. 263 00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,830 Nay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea, 264 00:10:47,116 --> 00:10:47,450 you staying here, after all. 265 00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,166 What do you mean? 266 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,483 I mean, maybe you should leave. 267 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,183 I don't understand. 268 00:10:53,216 --> 00:10:57,160 That's why you did so poorly on the$20,000 Pyramid, 269 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,150 and Betty White wanted to punch you out. 270 00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:01,400 Why are you doing this to me? 271 00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:04,500 My husband is leaving me. 272 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,250 Oh, Nay, relax. You'll find someone else. 273 00:11:07,283 --> 00:11:09,333 You can cook your way into the heart of any man. 274 00:11:09,366 --> 00:11:11,166 Easy for you to say. 275 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,116 You're so lucky. 276 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,000 You're living like Elly May Clampett. 277 00:11:15,330 --> 00:11:17,383 You got a gorgeous guy. 278 00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:19,350 I do? Where? Where? 279 00:11:19,383 --> 00:11:20,266 Good morning, ladies. 280 00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:23,350 Mr. Sheffield? 281 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:26,000 He's my boss. 282 00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:28,133 So there's nothing going on between you and him? 283 00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:30,150 No. 284 00:11:30,183 --> 00:11:31,350 Then you don't mind if I go after him? 285 00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:47,500 Do I smellfarfalle e pesto? 286 00:11:47,830 --> 00:11:48,216 No. She don't come till Thursday. 287 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,116 Mr. Sheffield, bubby, come here. 288 00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:54,500 Taste this. 289 00:11:59,183 --> 00:12:01,233 Mm. Mmm. 290 00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:03,483 Mmm-mm. Mmm! 291 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,316 [CHUCKLES] It is good, isn't it? - Mm-hm. 292 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,383 Oh! Oh. [SPITS] 293 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,233 Miss Fine, is there something wrong? 294 00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:12,116 No, I'm sorry. It's just that I ate 295 00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:14,466 a really big piece ofFAT. 296 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,300 That's where all the flavor is. [GIGGLES] 297 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:19,330 What's the matter, Nay? 298 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:23,330 Need to get that thing drained again? 299 00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:25,160 Keep an eye on my dumplings. 300 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,266 I just wanna run up to my room. 301 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:28,483 Mm-hm. My 302 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,283 And by the way, your dumplings are down to your knees. 303 00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:35,450 Miss Fine, your sister is a wonderful cook. 304 00:12:35,483 --> 00:12:37,216 Where on earth have you been keeping her? 305 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,233 In a jar with air holes on top. 306 00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:43,483 I beg your pardon? 307 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,333 Can't you see what she's doing? 308 00:12:45,366 --> 00:12:48,100 She is throwing herself at you. 309 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:50,483 She's cooking for me. 310 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,000 Yeah, well, nothin' says lovin' like something from the oven. 311 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,366 You're off your bloody rocker, you know that? 312 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,200 Thank God, you're not operating heavy machinery. 313 00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:00,400 Mm-hm. 314 00:13:00,433 --> 00:13:01,216 Just raising my children. 315 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,300 Oh, you know, Niles, 316 00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:09,133 there is something to be said for sibling riflery. 317 00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,416 You mean "rivalry," Miss Fine. 318 00:13:10,450 --> 00:13:12,116 No, I mean... 319 00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:14,160 [CLICKS TEETH] Boom! 320 00:13:24,450 --> 00:13:29,660 [HUMMING] 321 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:34,366 Whoa! 322 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,233 Nadine, is there something I can do for you? 323 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:40,316 I thought you might want a little something 324 00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:41,216 to nibble on before bed. 325 00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,660 Good night, Mr. Sheffield. 326 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,233 Good night, Nay. 327 00:13:47,266 --> 00:13:49,830 Nadine! 328 00:13:49,116 --> 00:13:51,350 I thought Mr. Sheffield might be hungry. 329 00:13:51,383 --> 00:13:52,233 Actually, I'm still quite full from dinner. 330 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,333 What? There's always room for Jell-O? 331 00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:59,466 How dare you come into my boss's room 332 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,183 dressed like you're over 30 and desperate. 333 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,500 Here. Cover yourself up. 334 00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:08,316 Cover yourself up. 335 00:14:08,316 --> 00:14:09,233 Oh. 336 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,330 There was a two-for-one sale. 337 00:14:14,466 --> 00:14:16,266 I have nothing to be ashamed of. 338 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,366 I have a beautiful figure. 339 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,366 She's not the only one with a body for days. 340 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,216 Shh! 341 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:24,216 Don't tell my boss I've got a body for days. 342 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:25,333 He's not blind. 343 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,483 Now, come on, let's go. 344 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,250 Let's go. - Hey, who you pushing? 345 00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:33,250 BOTH: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... MAXWELL: Ladies, ladies. 346 00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:36,216 Ladies, can we take this outside or to a mud pit somewhere? 347 00:14:38,250 --> 00:14:40,316 Oh, need an extra pillow, sir? 348 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,433 Good night, Niles. 349 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,200 Well, you know, actually I'm not very tired. 350 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,233 Good night, Niles. 351 00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:51,283 Now, would you excuse us? 352 00:14:51,316 --> 00:14:54,500 I'd like a moment alone with your sister, please. 353 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:55,483 You heard him. Get out. 354 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,150 I think he's talking to me, Nay. 355 00:14:58,183 --> 00:14:59,500 Right? 356 00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:03,116 Good night, Mr. Sheffield. 357 00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:05,330 If you want me, I'll be in my room. 358 00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:07,266 My 359 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,416 Well, congratulations, Miss Fine. 360 00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:14,350 You were right about your sister. 361 00:15:14,383 --> 00:15:16,283 Is there anyone in your family who's not a raving lunatic? 362 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,333 Hey! 363 00:15:18,366 --> 00:15:20,500 I'll have to get back to you on that one. 364 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,660 Hey. 365 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,660 You know, if she wasn't such a damn fine caterer, 366 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,483 I'd throw her out before this backers' audition. 367 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,200 Gee, you know, this is the first time 368 00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:29,183 I've ever been in your bedroom. 369 00:15:29,216 --> 00:15:32,200 It's not at all as I imagined it to be. 370 00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:34,400 You got a whole James Bond Octopussy 371 00:15:36,316 --> 00:15:37,450 Get out. 372 00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:38,283 Bye. 373 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,160 [DOORBELL RINGING] ♪ Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪ 374 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,166 ♪ Me, me, me, me, me ♪ 375 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,266 Uh, who's gonna get the door? 376 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,333 ♪ You, you, you, you, you you, you, you, you ♪ 377 00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:59,500 So, Niles, nervous? 378 00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:01,500 Oh, no, I look at this as a chance 379 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,233 to fulfill the dream of a lifetime, sir. 380 00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,300 Oh, I hate backers' auditions. 381 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:09,300 Ugh, so much pressure, so much riding on it, 382 00:16:09,333 --> 00:16:11,483 so many lives, so many jobs, 383 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,383 all depending on this one night. 384 00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:16,466 Well... 385 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:17,350 Take care, old man. 386 00:16:22,216 --> 00:16:25,133 You know, if Mommy knew 387 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,483 the way her eldest daughter behaved last night, 388 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,116 I'll tell you, she'd be so mortified, 389 00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:34,330 she would just pack her bags and move down to Florida. 390 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,000 "Call Ma." 391 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,283 I didn't know Mommy had two daughters. 392 00:16:44,316 --> 00:16:46,200 She was so busy pulling up your dress 393 00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:48,333 and showing off your thighs to everyone. 394 00:16:48,366 --> 00:16:50,330 This, you envied? 395 00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:52,333 To this day I can't wear a short dress. 396 00:16:54,383 --> 00:16:59,160 [DOORBELL BUZZING] 397 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,316 [BUZZING CONTINUES] You called Barry? 398 00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:03,330 I had to, Nadine. 399 00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:05,233 It's time you go home and face your demons. 400 00:17:05,266 --> 00:17:07,500 Oh, nice thing to call your nieces. 401 00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:08,266 I didn't mean them. Although-- 402 00:17:10,366 --> 00:17:11,316 Did somebody call for an air-conditioning repai-- 403 00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:14,660 Fran? 404 00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,200 Nay. 405 00:17:17,216 --> 00:17:18,500 Bar. 406 00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:22,416 So...this is how I find you... 407 00:17:24,150 --> 00:17:25,316 in another man's kitchen. 408 00:17:25,350 --> 00:17:27,160 I'm getting paid! 409 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:28,116 There's a word for that. 410 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,366 Yeah, Barry, it's called "caterer." 411 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,183 Oh, yeah, her big career. 412 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,250 You don't know what it used to be like. 413 00:17:37,283 --> 00:17:39,350 I got it every night. 414 00:17:39,383 --> 00:17:40,483 All right, all right. That's more than I needed to hear 415 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:41,383 about my brother-in-law. 416 00:17:43,383 --> 00:17:45,350 My wife is serving it up to half of Long Island, 417 00:17:45,383 --> 00:17:46,466 and I'm going hungry. 418 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,250 Buzz off. 419 00:17:48,283 --> 00:17:49,366 All right. You're talking. 420 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,433 This is good. 421 00:17:50,466 --> 00:17:51,266 BOTH: Shut up. 422 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,166 All right, they're going into the backers' audition. 423 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,100 This is bad! 424 00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,660 We're at the Act I curtain. 425 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:02,660 It's a gorgeous ballad sung by Niles-- 426 00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:06,830 Niles... 427 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,150 Butler. 428 00:18:09,183 --> 00:18:10,483 Niles DeButler. Ladies and Gentlemen. 429 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,100 [APPLAUSE] 430 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:19,830 [PLAYS PIANO] 431 00:18:19,116 --> 00:18:21,416 ♪ Once in every man's lifetime ♪ 432 00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:25,483 ♪ Mystery and magic abound ♪ 433 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,333 ♪ Destiny finds and shows him ♪ 434 00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:31,100 ♪ True love has been ♪ 435 00:18:31,133 --> 00:18:33,133 ♪ Found ♪ - I never should've married you! 436 00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:35,100 ♪ Once in a man's lifetime ♪ 437 00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:38,216 ♪ Romance and passion ♪ I don't ask for much! 438 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,116 Pizza, a turkey... ♪ Unfold ♪ 439 00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:41,233 [NILES CONTINUES SINGING] 440 00:18:41,266 --> 00:18:43,383 I'm sick of feeding your face, Barry. 441 00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:47,133 What do I get? - You two, shut up. 442 00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:49,350 Mr. Sheffield's out there with a bunch of rich people 443 00:18:49,383 --> 00:18:51,450 trying to shake 'em down. 444 00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:54,660 [NILES CONTINUES SINGING] 445 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,100 ♪ It's as pure and as simple ♪ 446 00:18:56,133 --> 00:19:03,350 ♪ As learning to follow my heart ♪ 447 00:19:03,383 --> 00:19:04,416 ♪ Oh, once in a lifetime ♪ Don't worry, Maxwell. 448 00:19:04,450 --> 00:19:06,400 I'll handle this quietly. 449 00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:08,333 [SHOUTS] Nanny Fine! 450 00:19:08,366 --> 00:19:10,483 ♪ Could well be ♪ 451 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,116 ♪ That once in a lifetime feeling ♪ 452 00:19:14,150 --> 00:19:18,100 ♪ Has come over me ♪ 453 00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:21,233 ♪ That once in a lifetime feeling ♪ 454 00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:29,160 ♪ Has come over me ♪ 455 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,316 Miss Fine, I am beyond words. 456 00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:37,483 This is the most outrageous, horrific, 457 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,000 unconscionable display. 458 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:41,333 I thought you said you were beyond words. 459 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,233 Here, Maxwell, go for it. 460 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,450 Club her big-haired head in! 461 00:19:47,283 --> 00:19:49,333 C.C., rich people out there. 462 00:19:49,366 --> 00:19:50,366 Don't let them leave. 463 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,283 Got ya. 464 00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:55,366 Excuse me, sir. How do you think it went? 465 00:19:58,116 --> 00:20:00,660 Didn't you notice Larry, Moe and Curly 466 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,300 going on in the background? 467 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,330 Well, yes, but... how was I? 468 00:20:05,266 --> 00:20:06,433 You were terrific, old man. 469 00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:07,366 We'll call you. 470 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,366 Yes! 471 00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:12,150 So this is the guy you're cooking for now? 472 00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:15,250 Barry Cooperman. How's it hangin'? 473 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,250 Maxwell Sheffield. Not well. 474 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,660 Has he got an appetite as big as mine? 475 00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:26,500 No one's is, Barry. 476 00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:28,116 He's gotta have it four or five times a day. 477 00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:29,266 No, kidding. 478 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,333 Boy, he's satisfied with 479 00:20:31,366 --> 00:20:32,466 just two poached eggs and a piece of toast. 480 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,183 That's it? Yeah. 481 00:20:35,216 --> 00:20:36,366 Then he just rolls over and goes to sleep. 482 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,166 [CHUCKLES] 483 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,830 Barry, don't be jealous 484 00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,133 because she's dishing it out to other men. 485 00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:45,330 There's plenty left over for you. 486 00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:46,433 And you, Nay, 487 00:20:46,466 --> 00:20:49,000 you want your man back, 488 00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:51,183 you gotta put it out for him - breakfast, lunch and dinner. 489 00:20:53,366 --> 00:20:55,266 And, uh... 490 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,660 I miss my midnight snacks. 491 00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:01,383 Oh, Barry, I've been neglecting you. 492 00:21:01,416 --> 00:21:04,183 From now on, you'll get it any time you want 493 00:21:04,216 --> 00:21:05,350 right there on the kitchen table. 494 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,350 Speaking of food, 495 00:21:09,383 --> 00:21:12,166 which I hope to God we're speaking of, 496 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,466 could we get some out there? 497 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,316 Of course, Mr. Sheffield, everything but my paté. 498 00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:20,000 That's for my husband. 499 00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,500 Oh. 500 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:25,400 Baby, that is good. 501 00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:29,416 Aww. 502 00:21:31,316 --> 00:21:33,333 I just gotta get a few things outta my room. 503 00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:36,830 My 504 00:21:37,483 --> 00:21:40,100 Maxwell, you're never gonna believe this. 505 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:42,830 First, they hated Niles' song. 506 00:21:42,116 --> 00:21:43,350 I get to tell him. 507 00:21:43,383 --> 00:21:44,333 Second... 508 00:21:46,433 --> 00:21:48,283 they loved that whole comedy thing 509 00:21:48,316 --> 00:21:49,383 going on in the background. 510 00:21:49,416 --> 00:21:51,200 They are throwing money at us. 511 00:21:51,233 --> 00:21:51,433 You better get out there. 512 00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,660 Well! 513 00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:57,416 You were saying? 514 00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:58,483 I better get out there. 515 00:22:03,416 --> 00:22:05,316 Mmm. 516 00:22:05,350 --> 00:22:08,330 ♪ I'm the greatest star ♪ 517 00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:11,183 ♪ I am by far ♪ 518 00:22:11,216 --> 00:22:13,100 Raise my pay, start today! 519 00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:15,183 ♪ But no one knows-- ♪ 520 00:22:15,216 --> 00:22:16,133 Here. 521 00:22:29,233 --> 00:22:32,116 Nadine walked herself into Mr. Sheffield's bedroom 522 00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:34,116 in a flimsy negligee 523 00:22:34,150 --> 00:22:36,660 carrying a roast rack of lamb. 524 00:22:38,350 --> 00:22:40,216 What do you mean, why didn't I think of that first? 525 00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:42,233 No, that's not why I'm not married. 526 00:22:42,266 --> 00:22:43,466 How's my hand? 527 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,160 Lousy, Ma, lousy.