1
00:00:03,433 --> 00:00:05,483
All right.
Now, prepare yourself, honey.

2
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,830
This is Loehmann's semi annual,
red star clearance.

3
00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:11,416
You are gonna see things today,

4
00:00:11,450 --> 00:00:14,350
that will haunt you for
the rest of your shopping
life.

5
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:19,166
Excuse me. Please.
Please, excuse me.

6
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,366
Shouldn't we help that woman
in the wheelchair through
first?

7
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,416
Oh, honey, stand your ground.

8
00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:27,660
Last year when they put
out the Donna Karan,

9
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:30,830
she popped out of that chair
and screamed, "It's a
miracle."

10
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,316
Oh, all right.
They're about to open the
door.

11
00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:37,100
-Watch your nose.
-Why? What's gonna
happen to my--

12
00:00:44,483 --> 00:00:47,100
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

13
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:52,166
[ALL YELLING]

14
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:57,116
Oh! Oh, God. Oh, look at
this.
Oh, this is so my color.

15
00:00:57,150 --> 00:01:01,160
Oh, wait, it seems to be....
Oh, it's, like, hooked on
something.

16
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:02,466
-Help me.
-Excuse me, please.

17
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,183
-I had this sweater first.
-[CHUCKLES] I believe you're
mistaken.

18
00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:09,160
-I've got the cuff.
-I've got the armpit.

19
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,466
I've got your kid.

20
00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:14,233
Hah. She's not mine.

21
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:19,216
Listen, I'm warning you,
my nicotine patch fell off,

22
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,160
my mother's in town
and my boyfriend

23
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,366
just left me for my brother.

24
00:01:24,133 --> 00:01:28,000
Now, I'm over 30, single,
and I work for her.

25
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,000
Hold onto this and
don't let go honey.

26
00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:35,133
Hey, did you see
the movie,<i>Babe,</i>

27
00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:38,166
-Yeah.
-Well, they ate him
at the wrap party.

28
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,400
Well, I can't hear you!

29
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,150
[♪♪♪]

30
00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:54,160
[THEME SONG PLAYING]

31
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:56,383
<i>♪♪ She was working</i>
<i>in a bridal shop</i>
<i>in Flushing, Queens ♪♪</i>

32
00:01:56,416 --> 00:01:58,116
<i>♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend</i>
<i>kicked her out ♪♪</i>

33
00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,433
<i>♪♪ In one of those</i>
<i>crushing scenes ♪♪</i>

34
00:01:59,466 --> 00:02:01,400
<i>♪♪ What was she to do?</i>
<i>Where was she to go? ♪♪</i>

35
00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:04,316
<i>♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪</i>

36
00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:07,150
<i>♪♪ So over the bridge</i>
<i>from Flushing to the</i>
<i>Sheffield's door ♪♪</i>

37
00:02:07,183 --> 00:02:09,466
<i>♪♪ She was there to sell</i>
<i>makeup</i>
<i>but the father saw more ♪♪</i>

38
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,133
<i>♪♪ She had style!</i>
<i>She had flair!</i>
<i>She was there! ♪♪</i>

39
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:15,416
<i>♪♪ That's how</i>
<i>she became the nanny ♪♪</i>

40
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:18,433
<i>♪♪ Who would have</i>
<i>guessed that the girl</i>
<i>we've described ♪♪</i>

41
00:02:18,466 --> 00:02:21,133
<i>♪♪ Was just exactly what</i>
<i>the doctor prescribed? ♪♪</i>

42
00:02:21,166 --> 00:02:22,316
<i>♪♪ Now the father</i>
<i>finds her beguiling ♪♪</i>

43
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,160
<i>♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪</i>

44
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:25,233
<i>♪♪ And the kids</i>
<i>are actually smiling ♪♪</i>

45
00:02:25,266 --> 00:02:26,383
<i>♪♪ Such</i><i>♪♪</i>

46
00:02:26,416 --> 00:02:28,830
<i>♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪</i>

47
00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:32,216
<i>♪♪ When everybody else</i>
<i>is wearing tan ♪♪</i>

48
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:34,216
<i>♪♪ The flashy girl</i>
<i>from Flushing ♪♪</i>

49
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,660
<i>♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪</i>

50
00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:44,383
Oh, I'm telling you,
ma,
the kid is a natural.

51
00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:47,250
Honey, show her what you did
to get those women away

52
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:51,350
-from the Calvin Klein rack.
-"Look, there's John John!"

53
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,216
You don't learn
these
things in books.

54
00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:59,200
[FRAN LAUGHS]

55
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:02,330
Meanwhile, ma, what'd you
have for lunch over there?

56
00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:05,316
You got enough butter
on you to have your
own<i>Last Tango in</i>
<i>Paris.</i>

57
00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:07,266
I had a lobster.

58
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:10,333
Your Uncle Stanley caught them
near Rockaway Beach.

59
00:03:10,366 --> 00:03:13,366
Ma, they don't even like
people to swim in that water.

60
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,660
It could be toxic.

61
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,266
What are you talking about?

62
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,316
There's nothing wrong
with those lobsters.

63
00:03:18,350 --> 00:03:22,200
They're excellent.
Plus, they got two tails.

64
00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:31,383
All right.
So when you grow that second
mouth out of your shoulder,

65
00:03:31,416 --> 00:03:34,150
you can eat'em
at the same time.

66
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:36,200
[CAR HORN HONKS]

67
00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:39,250
Ma, you made daddy sit
in the car for two hours?

68
00:03:39,283 --> 00:03:42,433
We got a car phone
at a time share
walk-through.

69
00:03:42,466 --> 00:03:45,400
Now, he can sit
and call Howard
Stern.

70
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:49,166
Why he wants to get
screamed at and
berated,

71
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,200
I will never understand.

72
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:56,250
Lay off the horn, you<i>yutz!</i>

73
00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:02,183
Ms. Fine, have you seen
Brighton's science test?

74
00:04:02,216 --> 00:04:06,383
-He got a 66.
-Wow, Brighton, you passed.

75
00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:10,660
By a hair. That is no good.

76
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:12,383
I'm not kidding, young man.

77
00:04:12,416 --> 00:04:14,166
We went through
all this last semester.

78
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,330
You keep this up and
I'm gonna have to send you
to military school.

79
00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:19,366
-What?
-Military school?

80
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,366
Are you serious?

81
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:26,160
Nothing but young men.
No women for miles around?

82
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:29,500
I mean, for me it'd be nice.

83
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,660
Dad, look, I've got
a big science project due.

84
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,366
I've been working
on it for weeks.

85
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,660
It's definitely gonna
bring my grade up.

86
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:41,183
Oh, my God, where did
my moldy strawberry go?
Oh, I'm dead!

87
00:04:41,216 --> 00:04:44,400
Well, you better think
of something else pretty
soon, young man.

88
00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:47,366
And try to be more inventive
than moldy fruit.

89
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,416
And I don't want you
helping him either.

90
00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:52,416
I wouldn't dream of it.

91
00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:55,433
Not after the review my
strawberry got.

92
00:04:55,466 --> 00:04:58,216
Brighton needs to learn
to do things on his own.

93
00:04:58,250 --> 00:05:00,433
-I've packed
your briefcase, sir.
-Thank you.

94
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:04,433
You make things
far too easy for the boy.

95
00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:08,250
He'll never become a man.

96
00:05:08,283 --> 00:05:10,216
Doesn't have that
boyish
thing happening, sir.

97
00:05:11,233 --> 00:05:14,830
Oh, there we are.

98
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:17,000
Are the kids yours or does
he do everything for you?

99
00:05:18,183 --> 00:05:19,416
I'm serious, Ms. Fine.

100
00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:21,300
And just because
Brighton
has a trust fund

101
00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:24,150
don't think I'm gonna
let him end up
jet-setting
around the world,

102
00:05:24,183 --> 00:05:27,100
skiing and yachting
and flitting from
party
to party.

103
00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:31,200
Oh, he's got
far too much pride for that.

104
00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:33,266
I mean, for me it'd be nice.

105
00:05:38,116 --> 00:05:42,116
Maxwell, I am sorry I'm late.
I had to pack a bag.

106
00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:44,183
They're fumigating my apartment.

107
00:05:44,216 --> 00:05:46,383
They've tried that before.
You always come back.

108
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:59,433
Anyway, it's very difficult
to find a hotel that will
accept dogs.

109
00:05:59,466 --> 00:06:02,183
Did you promise you wouldn't
hump the bellboy's leg?

110
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:11,500
You know, Niles, it's
a pity we don't see
more
of one another.

111
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,483
-Maxwell, I just had
a crazy notion.
-[DOG BARKS]

112
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,500
Why don't Chester
and I stay here?

113
00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:21,383
Yes, of course, C.C.,
Niles will take care
of everything.

114
00:06:21,416 --> 00:06:25,416
Oh, good.
Here you go.

115
00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:28,166
Give him one of these
pills
three times a day.

116
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,233
-I'll put it in his food.
-Wrong end.

117
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:42,400
Well, I just thank God,
that I was making tea
while opening the mail

118
00:06:42,433 --> 00:06:47,316
when this envelope addressed to
you accidentally steamed opened.

119
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:54,400
Applications
for military school?

120
00:06:54,433 --> 00:06:58,366
I can't believe you're
thinking
about sending my baby away.

121
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,483
Who is this man I'm living
with?
I don't even know you anymore.

122
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:08,116
Ms. Fine, I happen to think
discipline is a way
of showing love.

123
00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:11,316
Well, I am seeing a
whole
new side to you

124
00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:13,400
that frankly I find...

125
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,166
intriguing.

126
00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:17,466
[MEOWS]

127
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,200
Oh, look, Mr. Sheffield,

128
00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:21,133
you got a cat on your terrace.

129
00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,450
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

130
00:07:23,483 --> 00:07:27,416
He's probably hungry. I feed
him
something this time everyday.

131
00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:30,250
Mr. Sheffield, I thought you
said you hated cats.

132
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,266
No. I hate
Andrew Lloyd Webber's<i>Cats.</i>

133
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:36,660
Here, Shoes.

134
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,830
-Shoes?
-Yeah.

135
00:07:39,116 --> 00:07:42,216
Roger Clinton's cat
from next door.
Socks' sister.

136
00:07:45,416 --> 00:07:47,233
Shoes and Socks?

137
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,450
And these are the people
they think they're clever
enough

138
00:07:50,483 --> 00:07:52,283
to orchestrate Whitewater?

139
00:07:54,466 --> 00:07:57,183
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you better watch out.

140
00:07:57,216 --> 00:08:00,166
Look at this,
you've got a little bird's
nest

141
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,000
with three little bird's eggs.

142
00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:06,250
I thought birds laid
their eggs in the spring.

143
00:08:06,283 --> 00:08:08,100
She's a bit late,
isn't she?

144
00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:10,166
Hey, it's the '90s.

145
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:15,283
She don't have to lay
eggs
the minute she moves out
of her parents' nest.

146
00:08:15,316 --> 00:08:19,466
Maybe she spent the
last
three years sitting
on somebody else's

147
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,500
waiting for that
certain
gray-streaked pigeon
to make his move.

148
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:42,166
-What are you doing?
-It's my science project.

149
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,383
Maggie gave me the idea.

150
00:08:43,416 --> 00:08:45,350
See, I'm comparing different
types of lipsticks to see

151
00:08:45,383 --> 00:08:48,330
which one's gonna stay
on the longest.

152
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:50,330
Oh, that's a good one.

153
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:56,133
Honey, that's not gonna
get you an "A" in science.

154
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:58,400
But it'll definitely get
you
out of military school.

155
00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:01,483
Oh, you're right. It stinks.

156
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,333
You know what? Military school
might not be so bad.

157
00:09:04,366 --> 00:09:06,483
Fran, when I'm gone,
I want you to have my
room.

158
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,283
Honey, stop it.
I don't want it.

159
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:15,330
Sure I could break through
that wall and create
a fabulous dressing area

160
00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:17,160
with a tremendous
walk-in closet.

161
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:21,266
But I don't need that,
I need you.

162
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:24,500
Are these hardwood floors
under here?

163
00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:28,216
If I could just think
of a great science
project.

164
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:33,100
Well, I'm sorry, but I
cannot
help you with that, mister.

165
00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:37,160
You are gonna have to think
about that all on your own.

166
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,283
Okay. Here's my idea.

167
00:09:39,316 --> 00:09:43,160
There were three abandoned eggs
in a nest on the terrace.

168
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,300
I thought you could incubate
them with heat lamps

169
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:47,300
and then you can document
the hatching.

170
00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:49,283
Fran, that's a great idea.
How'd you think of it?

171
00:09:49,316 --> 00:09:53,416
Well, who knows more about eggs
just sitting around going to
waste than me?

172
00:09:55,466 --> 00:09:57,166
Hello.

173
00:10:01,283 --> 00:10:06,116
Maxwell, I thought we might
have a little nightcap.

174
00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:08,333
MAXWELL'S VOICE:
<i>I don't want to do it at</i>
<i>the</i>
<i>house.</i>

175
00:10:08,366 --> 00:10:11,100
<i>Meet me at the Regency Hotel</i>
<i>in an hour.</i>

176
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,333
Niles? What are you doing
hanging around outside my room?

177
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:28,250
I was anxious to hear how your
meeting at the Regency went.

178
00:10:28,283 --> 00:10:31,660
Did Pavarotti agree
to sing "Pagliacci"
at your benefit?

179
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,483
-After I buttered him up.
-[SWITCHES RECORDER ON]

180
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,283
I said, "I've dreamed of
seeing
you dressed like a clown.

181
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:38,350
Oh, God, it would be thrilling."

182
00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:40,330
[SWITCHES RECORDER OFF]

183
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:49,200
Thank you.

184
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,133
Hey, honey,
what are you doing?

185
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:04,660
Oh, The Limited is having
a blowout sale.

186
00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:10,166
Sweetie.

187
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:15,350
What are you thinking?

188
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,400
-It's tomorrow.
-Oh.

189
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,330
[PHONE RINGING]

190
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,466
-Hello.
-Fran listen, I need you to
do
me a really big favor.

191
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,330
You've got to turn
the heat lamps on the eggs
for 15 minutes.

192
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:30,283
B, I'm not supposed to help you.

193
00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:32,300
Come on, Fran,
you've always helped me.

194
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,660
You've been like
a mother to me.

195
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,116
Forget it, B,
it's not gonna work.

196
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:38,166
Of course you're far too young
to be a mother.

197
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,366
All right. It worked.

198
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:48,483
This is the last time
I wanna hear about your
stupid eggs, uh... mama.

199
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:52,216
Oh, is that your mother?
I need to speak with her.

200
00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:55,350
Sylvia, hello. Listen,
about those tickets you
wanted.

201
00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:57,466
[HIGH VOICE] I can't
talk now. I'm nauseous.

202
00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:08,133
Yeah. I hope
to see you soon, ma.

203
00:12:08,166 --> 00:12:10,000
Get it?

204
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:13,433
Or your father's gonna
be sending us both
to military school.

205
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,400
Of course,
I could use a few good men.

206
00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:18,400
Maxwell.

207
00:12:19,383 --> 00:12:20,416
C.C., what's
the matter with you?

208
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:23,200
You've barely spoken
two words to me all day.

209
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:26,366
What happened to our
little
meeting at the Regency?

210
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,150
Oh, I decided
to handle it myself.

211
00:12:35,660 --> 00:12:40,300
Maxwell, I would have
loved to have helped
you.

212
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:43,333
Yes, I appreciate that, C.C.
but it really went
much faster without you.

213
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:52,483
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

214
00:12:58,830 --> 00:13:00,233
Oh, I hate,
<i>An Affair to Remember.</i>

215
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,250
Why are you making me
watch this?

216
00:13:02,283 --> 00:13:05,250
[CRYING] Tell him
you can't walk.

217
00:13:05,283 --> 00:13:07,400
Tell him he ruined your life.

218
00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:10,183
Make him feel guilty!

219
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,383
She's obviously not Jewish.

220
00:13:15,433 --> 00:13:19,266
Oh, well,
now I'm too upset to study.

221
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:23,160
Oh, I'll have to go out
and get some burgers
with my friends.

222
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:24,450
Thanks a lot, Fran!

223
00:13:26,216 --> 00:13:30,283
-I'm home.
-Oh, there you are.

224
00:13:30,316 --> 00:13:33,000
How can you spend so long
at a mall?

225
00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:35,660
Oh, this from a woman
that once spent two
hours

226
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,216
at Potatoes,
Potatoes,
Potatoes?

227
00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:42,330
There are 80 toppings, dear.

228
00:13:43,216 --> 00:13:45,150
Now did you remember
to turn the heat lamps
on?

229
00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:47,433
Yes. I am responsible.

230
00:13:47,466 --> 00:13:50,660
You know, you better get
your act together mister.

231
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,366
What are you gonna do
when I'm married
and have kids of my own

232
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,000
and I'm not living here anymore?

233
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,383
All right, bad example.

234
00:13:58,330 --> 00:13:59,400
Come on, Fran,
what's the big deal?

235
00:13:59,433 --> 00:14:01,450
All I asked you to do was
turn on a light.

236
00:14:01,483 --> 00:14:03,450
It isn't a big deal,

237
00:14:03,483 --> 00:14:06,416
unless I forget to turn it off.

238
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,166
Oh, God, I'm going to boot camp.

239
00:14:14,116 --> 00:14:18,100
Oh, B, it looks like it's
okay.
Look, look, see.

240
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:20,266
Which only goes
to prove that heat is--

241
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,350
-Oh, oh, oh, invincible!
-[EGGS CRACK]

242
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:25,366
Do you think it broke?

243
00:14:28,383 --> 00:14:30,216
All right. You know
what?
Let's just be positive.

244
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,200
It could still be all right.

245
00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:35,166
You never read
"Humpty Dumpty," huh, kid?

246
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,830
Oh, God, I can't look.

247
00:14:37,116 --> 00:14:39,250
B, we're in luck.
We're in luck.

248
00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:42,416
It didn't break--
because it's hard boiled.

249
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,483
Oh, my God.

250
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,166
I'm very modest.
Do you think I can
get
a private latrine?

251
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:53,400
Well, B, I think that we can
salvage this egg.

252
00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:55,433
-How?
-Uh...

253
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,316
you got any salt?

254
00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:07,500
<i>This is C.C. Babcock.</i>

255
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:08,450
<i>Please leave a message</i>
<i>at the sound of the tone.</i>

256
00:15:08,483 --> 00:15:10,416
[MACHINE BEEPS]

257
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:13,183
MAXWELL'S VOICE:<i>I've dreamed</i>
<i>of seeing you dressed</i>
<i>like a clown.</i>

258
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:16,366
<i>Oh, God, it would be</i>
<i>thrilling.</i>

259
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,316
<i>♪♪ Working nine to five ♪♪</i>

260
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:20,416
<i>♪♪ What a way to</i>
<i>make a living ♪♪</i>

261
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:22,350
[HUMMING]

262
00:15:22,383 --> 00:15:24,316
Oh, Niles, you
know,
I was thinking,

263
00:15:24,350 --> 00:15:27,383
Mr. Sheffield is
right.
If I help Brighton
with his project,

264
00:15:27,416 --> 00:15:29,500
it's only
gonna hurt
him.

265
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,200
You've already gotten involved
and screwed up?

266
00:15:31,233 --> 00:15:33,283
Yeah.

267
00:15:33,316 --> 00:15:35,366
And now there's really
nothing I can do about
it

268
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,830
except to tell
Mr. Sheffield the
truth.

269
00:15:38,116 --> 00:15:40,233
Here's the two
things
I came up with.

270
00:15:46,183 --> 00:15:47,450
-Hello.
-Hello.

271
00:15:47,483 --> 00:15:50,116
Hi, ma. Mwah!

272
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,350
Fran, I brought you one
of Uncle Stanley's lobsters.

273
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,383
You gotta try.

274
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:03,830
Ma! I'm not eating that thing.

275
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,283
Never mind the two
tails,
its got eyebrows.

276
00:16:10,383 --> 00:16:14,330
You are so critical.
That's why you're not married.

277
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:19,400
Meanwhile, ma, what's with
this
big rash all over your chest?

278
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,830
Oh, look, its up here now.

279
00:16:26,483 --> 00:16:29,250
I think its your father's beard.

280
00:16:29,283 --> 00:16:33,100
I also got one on my calf,
my knee, my thigh, my--

281
00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:36,000
All right. All right, ma.
Don't draw me a picture.

282
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,166
I think that you should
put on
some calamine lotion

283
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,250
and go soak
in a lukewarm tub.

284
00:16:41,283 --> 00:16:43,416
-All right.
-Mwah.

285
00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:49,300
-You didn't mean here, did
you?
-No.

286
00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:56,160
Ms. Fine, I am very
proud of Brighton.

287
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,133
You know, he's been so
busy
with his science project

288
00:16:58,166 --> 00:17:00,150
-he hasn't left his room
all day.
-Huh.

289
00:17:00,183 --> 00:17:02,400
Now, you haven't helped
him,
have you?

290
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:05,400
Oh, believe me, I've been
no help to him at all.

291
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:08,483
Good. Here's a little bonus
in your paycheck this week.

292
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,450
Oh, thanks.

293
00:17:10,483 --> 00:17:13,183
You know, I haven't helped him
with anything either.

294
00:17:15,116 --> 00:17:16,233
What is your secret?

295
00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:18,183
I keep telling you, Niles,

296
00:17:18,216 --> 00:17:20,350
big hair and short skirts.

297
00:17:20,383 --> 00:17:22,416
That's what got Mel Gibson
the Oscar.

298
00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:28,233
What happened to telling
Mr. Sheffield the truth?

299
00:17:28,266 --> 00:17:32,250
-Well, I decided to take
the road more traveled.
-[CHUCKLES]

300
00:17:32,283 --> 00:17:35,316
Now, all I have to do is
get
Brighton an extension on
his

301
00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:40,316
But I have never met a teacher
that I couldn't wrap around
my little pinkie.

302
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:44,266
-His teacher is a woman.
-Got any cash?

303
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,483
Oh, wow!

304
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,830
Mm, I'm getting
such a deja vu
here.

305
00:17:58,466 --> 00:18:00,250
What is it?

306
00:18:01,233 --> 00:18:02,400
Oh, here we go.

307
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,283
-Detention, honey?
-Yeah.

308
00:18:07,316 --> 00:18:09,166
I was putting on
make-up in class.

309
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,330
Oh, you know,
you really shouldn't do
that.

310
00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:15,200
-You're here to learn.
-Oh, I don't need school.

311
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:18,350
I'm gonna marry a doctor,
live in Great Neck,

312
00:18:18,383 --> 00:18:20,416
right after my mother
moves to Boca.

313
00:18:22,383 --> 00:18:24,483
How do you feel
about being a domestic?

314
00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,350
Learn to love it, baby.

315
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:33,830
-Cute sweater.
-Oh, thanks.

316
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,416
-Where'd you get it?
-Oh, I got it at--

317
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:39,250
Oh, boy.

318
00:18:40,483 --> 00:18:43,150
Uh, Mrs. Richardson?

319
00:18:43,183 --> 00:18:45,266
You can go now, Francine.

320
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,100
Uh, about that little
incident
at Loehmann's

321
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,350
that was a big misunderstanding,

322
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:58,500
and I just wanted to
apologize
for what my twin sister
did.

323
00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:00,433
All I wanted was a green sweater

324
00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:03,216
to go with that damn skirt
I bought at a yard sale!

325
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:07,100
Well, now, let's just
put
all that behind us.

326
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,216
Hi. I'm Brighton
Sheffield's nanny

327
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:13,000
and I'm here to ask
for an extension
on his science
project.

328
00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:14,100
What's that in your hand?

329
00:19:14,133 --> 00:19:17,466
It's a fifty, but it's
in your hand now,
honey.

330
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,166
So you really want this
for Brighton, huh?

331
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,400
Oh, desperately.

332
00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,300
How does it feel
to want something so bad
you can taste it,

333
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:31,660
feel it in your hand
and have someone yank it away?

334
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,300
It doesn't feel good.

335
00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:37,316
Is that gum you're chewing
in my class?

336
00:19:42,283 --> 00:19:43,350
No.

337
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,250
Put that on your nose.

338
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:57,830
Now, we'll just sit here
for a while, while you think
about your actions, miss.

339
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:06,233
How did she know I was a miss?

340
00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:12,830
Oh, B, I got your teacher
to give you an extension.

341
00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:14,433
Now, all you have to do
is come up
with a new science project.

342
00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:16,350
Great. 'Cause I already got
one.
Check this out.

343
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:20,316
Ew! B, that's disgusting.

344
00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:23,150
<i>Genug</i>
fruit already.

345
00:20:23,183 --> 00:20:24,483
No. That's your
mother's back.

346
00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:33,366
Ma, don't you think you should
give up on the lobster already?

347
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,283
Maybe they are
a little
suspicious.

348
00:20:36,316 --> 00:20:41,316
I'll start on the ten pounds
of shrimp uncle Stanley
caught.

349
00:20:41,350 --> 00:20:44,200
Well, do they look normal?

350
00:20:44,233 --> 00:20:47,166
What they? It's one shrimp.

351
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,283
-Psst! Ms. Fine.
-What?

352
00:20:52,316 --> 00:20:53,433
Where's Brighton?

353
00:20:53,466 --> 00:20:55,166
He's upstairs
working on his science
project.

354
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,330
-Why?
-Oh, God, this is terrible.

355
00:20:57,660 --> 00:20:59,200
I forgot to feed
Roger Clinton's cat today

356
00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:01,150
and now the eggs
are missing out of the nest.

357
00:21:01,183 --> 00:21:03,283
I'm afraid the cat
must have eaten them.

358
00:21:03,316 --> 00:21:06,333
Why didn't
I think of
that?

359
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,433
You did. You warned me.

360
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,216
You know, you're right.

361
00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:13,133
I did warn you.

362
00:21:14,183 --> 00:21:18,350
But you didn't listen, did you?

363
00:21:18,383 --> 00:21:22,160
I've ruined everything.
How could I be such a screw up?

364
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,483
Well, there's only one
thing
for you to do, mister.

365
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,250
Get your boots
and your sleeping bag.

366
00:21:28,283 --> 00:21:30,166
What, you're sending me
to military school?

367
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,400
No. I just thought
we could have some
fun.

368
00:21:34,116 --> 00:21:35,450
-Ms. Fine--
-Oh, calm down.

369
00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:38,283
I'm sure I can get an
extension
from the teacher.

370
00:21:38,316 --> 00:21:41,366
Now, we just have to come up
with a new idea for the kid.

371
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,100
There'll be a considerable
bonus
in it for you.

372
00:21:48,366 --> 00:21:51,283
And good luck with the
teacher.
I hear she's pretty tough.

373
00:21:51,316 --> 00:21:53,383
Oh, well, don't you
worry about her.

374
00:21:53,416 --> 00:21:55,383
I'll take care
of everything.

375
00:21:55,416 --> 00:21:59,183
-You already got
Brighton an extension.
-Oh, yeah.

376
00:21:59,216 --> 00:22:00,300
How'd you do that?

377
00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:03,300
Oh, Niles, I just
reasoned with the woman.

378
00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,133
You can't argue with logic.

379
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:14,366
[KNOCKS]
Did you need me, sir?

380
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,350
MAXWELL'S VOICE:<i>Run out to</i>
<i>Kennedy Airport, would you</i>

381
00:22:16,383 --> 00:22:18,330
<i>and pick up Pavarotti.</i>

382
00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:19,183
<i>Oh, you'd better leave now.</i>

383
00:22:19,216 --> 00:22:21,450
<i>There's two lanes closed</i>
<i>on the LIE.</i>

384
00:22:21,483 --> 00:22:24,216
<i>-It'll take you hours.</i>
-Yes, sir.

385
00:22:30,133 --> 00:22:32,433
[♪♪♪]

386
00:22:39,166 --> 00:22:41,100
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]