Oh, would you look at that couple over there.
Oh, every day she stands on that doorstep,
and just waits for her husband to come home.
Meanwhile, she could close that robe a little.
Her whole business is hanging out.
I can't believe you would stand here
and invade the intimacy of two lovers...
when the view from my room is spectacular.
[MOUTHING] Close the robe.
Meanwhile, would you look at what my day consists of.
"Buy Brighton socks, take Grace to therapy,
pick up Mr. Sheffield's prescription."
Please, my heart bleeds for you. There are two words on my list:
"Don't jump."
- Bye, sweetie. I love you. - Bye.
- Bye, Val.
Oh, Niles, when did I become such a house Frau? Me?
I mean, where's the excitement? Where's the passion?
All I got is the drudgery.
What? No chopped egg with the caviar?
The other house Frau didn't feel like chopping.
It's like me and Mr. Sheffield have been married 20 years,
and all the thrill is gone.
Only we skipped the thrill part altogether.
You know, if I wanted to be
in a sick and twisted relationship,
I could be living at home with my parents.
Oh my God, Fran, you will never believe what happened at school today.
What? What?
I'm walking down the hall after third period...
- Yeah. - ...and Shawn comes up to me,
and he pulls me into the stairwell,
and he starts making out with me.
Oh, honey.
Fran, it was so intense.
I couldn't breathe.
Oh, his chest was pressed up against mine.
Oh, his mouth was so hot.
And then he whispered, "I love you."
Say it again,
only lower, and try an English accent.
Isn't it bittersweet to look on passionate youth,
and know, for you, it's gone forever?
And on that note, we move into the second level.
Niles, look at this.
It's half empty.
Do you think you're the only one whose life sucks?
Oh, dear, Niles, what is it this time?
Your job? Your weight?
No future?
Actually, I was wondering why I don't have a social life,
but you cleared that up for me. Thank you, sir.
There you go. Alright, C.C., come on let's get started.
Niles, we'll take our supper in the office tonight.
Wait a minute. You're working tonight?
You're supposed to be taking me and Gracie to the movies.
Nanny Fine, isn't that your job?
Maxwell will go insane
if he has to see The Hunchback
Then why don't you quit?
Oh, Niles.
Dear, sweet, overcompensating for his little spatula Niles.
You know, Mr. Sheffield,
I know that you're very busy with your show and everything,
but I really don't think that's an excuse
for you to neglect your children.
Well, how exactly am I neglecting them?
Well, they sit around here all day
waiting for you to come home,
and then you never once say, "Let's go out for drinks.
Let's go dancing. You look sexy in that outfit."
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Oh, I guess it's just not meant to be.
I wasn't put here to have
a handsome British millionaire sweep me off my feet.
Hello, love.
♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪
♪♪ in one of those crushing scenes ♪♪
♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪
♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪
♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪
♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪
♪♪ was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪
♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
♪♪ when everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪
♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
Maxwell's baby brother.
I can't believe it's you.
God, look who's here.
Let me get you a drink.
Who is she?
That's Miss Fine's mother.
No.
You look incredible. It's a work of art.
Oh, Nigel.
Stop it.
Nig, I do wish you'd let me know you were coming.
I'm just swamped with work at the moment.
But Miss Fine offered to be
your welcome-to-New York ambassador.
Wow.
Mayor Giuliani's made some great changes
to your fair city.
Welcome to New York.
What's up, love?
You're not the same girl I met in Paris.
I can see it in your eyes.
- What? - A need, a yearning,
a desire that is yet to be fulfilled.
Oh, I bet you say that to all the girls.
And if you don't, you should try it.
Well, get ready to feel much better, love.
You're mine now.
You're pretty cocky for a tall, charming,
rich, gorgeous guy.
Not to mention one hell of a dancer.
I'm sorry, Nigel.
I'm just not gonna be the life of the party tonight.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, this place is just fabulous.
I'll tell you, I love going to clubs.
I'm heavily into noshing.
- You mean moshing, don't you? - No.
So, you really like this place?
Oh, well, I'll tell you,
it's got one major thing already going for it.
I'm not outside on line hugging Val
to try and keep warm.
Although, that did get us into another club.
I'll tell you,
that Candace Gingrich was a sport with the drinks.
I hope you don't mind me telling you one more time just how
how sexy you are.
No. Still digging it.
Come on, let's dance.
- Oh, okay. - I love to watch you move.
Nigel, I find it so hard to believe
that you two are brothers.
You are nothing like Mr. Sheffield.
Darling, I am Mr. Sheffield.
♪♪ Get down, boogie oogie oogie ♪♪
♪♪ Get down ♪♪
Thanks, Fran.
She acts so weird when she's happy.
Don't complain, it's been four years
since I've been able to get my hands on a Haagen-Dazs bar.
[KNOCKING]
Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it. Oh!
- Nigel. - Hello, darling.
Flowers.
Would you rather have candy? Clothes? Diamonds?
Oh, stop it. Diamonds?
Well, I happen to have one right here.
Oh, my God.
Nigel, it's gorgeous.
Oh, I don't know anything about diamonds.
Oh, pure white, 1.76 carats, no occlusions.
It's beautiful.
And so are you.
How's that fantastic body?
Still a regular boogie wonderland?
You don't know the half of it.
What are you, caught in a butler trap?
Lower your foot off and get moving.
Miss me?
Yeah. Yeah.
God, I missed you.
Niles, did you send that bottle of champagne to Glenn Close yet?
Mr--Mr. Sheffield you've met your brother Nigel.
Yes, Nigel, listen, I'm awfully sorry
I haven't spent more time with you.
But I'm sure Miss Fine's been entertaining you.
Oh, yes. She's been incredible.
Yes. In a Martha Stewart kind of way.
Well, it's about bloody time.
I asked for this bottle hours ago.
Well, good things come to those who wait.
Unless they wait too long,
then they slip through their namby-pamby fingers.
You know Fran, I could have sworn when Max just walked in,
you acted as if you were cheating on him.
What? No. Just because I pushed you off of me,
and started to act defensive? Nah.
You probably never had your parents catch you
playing spin the bottle with your first cousin.
So then it's all right to say,
"I think I found my other half,"
and to give you this ticket for the QE2.
Oh, Nigel, so many presents and it's not even Hanukkah.
Fran, I'm leaving tonight and I want you to come with me.
Oh, Nigel, I'm not that kind of girl.
I'm asking you to be my wife.
I'm that kind of girl.
Are you proposing?
I know. Max always accused me of being impulsive,
but I've fallen in love with you,
and I'm not letting you get away.
Oh, my God. You two are like day and night.
Cain and Abel.
Tommy and Dickie Smothers.
The ship sails at midnight.
Start packing.
Oh, Nigel, this is a huge decision.
I mean, what about the kids? I just can't abandon them.
Although, this would make me their aunt now.
I'll wait for you on the pier.
If you don't come, I'll know the answer's no.
No. Don't. It's too fast. I can't. I'm sorry.
You said midnight, right?
Fran, what happened?
You sounded hysterical on the phone.
Oh, Val, you know how I've always wanted
to be a part of this family,
and not just the nanny, but, you know, a real part.
Like, if God forbid, something happened,
there were problems or strife,
I could get the house.
Oh, my God. He asked you to marry him?
He wants to elope.
I have to be on a ship by midnight.
I'm telling you, this is crazy. I don't know what I'm doing.
It's winter. I don't need cotton pants.
Oh, Fran, in my heart, I know
that there is no one more perfect for you
than Maxwell Sheffield.
Not him. The brother.
Better. Younger, no kids.
Oh, what am I even considering? It's nuts.
The guy knows me two seconds,
and he already wants to run away with me?
It's weird. It's freaky. It's icky.
I think it's romantic.
Isn't it? Could you drop dead?
Come on, let me see the ring.
Oh, it's not a ring.
He gave me a diamond solitaire necklace.
It goes against tradition, but that's part of his allure.
Oh, it's gorgeous.
Isn't it perfect?
I'll turn it into a ring, add baguettes
- and a platinum setting. - Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, Fran, I will never forget tonight.
You didn't?
- Didn't what? - Oh.
Well, what the heck would be so memorable?
Well, Shawn is just so romantic and passionate about things.
I mean, I guess I kind of always
saw myself with someone more like daddy.
Yeah, well, every girl feels that way about your father--
I mean, their father.
Oh, it's just so great to be in love.
Oh, I know, sweetie.
It's the most wonderful feeling in the world.
Hold on to it as long as you possibly can.
And remember, always follow your heart.
Well, my heart says I should go back over to Shawn's.
That's not your heart talking.
Oh, Ma, I'm so confused.
How long am I supposed to wait around for Mr. Sheffield?
What made Daddy finally commit to you?
Sweetheart, you can't compare relationships.
- Well, tell me. I want to know. - It's not important.
Come on, what made him finally marry you?
Your sister. All right?
You know, I always wondered
how she could be a 13-pound preemie.
Darling, I know you'refamished...
but don't rush into anything until you're sure.
How did my life get so complicated?
I always thought I was gonna end up with Mr. Sheffield,
but I'm wasting my youth here.
I mean, I'm a vital, passionate woman, and...
Nigel brings that out in me.
Darling, hold that thought. I took a diuretic.
Miss Fine, were you planning on seeing Nigel tonight?
Well, I was thinking about it.
But if you don't want me to,
if you think my place is to be here with you and the kids,
just say the word.
Oh, by all means, go.
You two will have a wonderful time together.
Who knows when I'll finish up in the office.
Oh, please don't sit around waiting for me.
All right.
Well...
I know what I gotta do now.
Yeah. Pizza Hut.
[BEE GEES' "OUR LOVE (DON'T THROW IT ALL AWAY)" PLAYING]
♪♪ Maybe I don't want to know the reason why ♪♪
♪♪ But lately you don't talk to me ♪♪
♪♪ And darling, I can't see me in your eyes ♪♪
♪♪ I hold you near but you're so far away ♪♪
♪♪ And it's losing you, I can't believe ♪♪
♪♪ To watch you leave and let this feeling die ♪♪
♪♪ You alone are the living thing ♪♪
♪♪ That keeps me alive ♪♪
♪♪ And tomorrow if I'm here without your love ♪♪
♪♪ You know I can't survive ♪♪
♪♪ Only my love can raise you high above it all ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love, our love ♪♪
♪♪ Don't throw it all away, our love ♪♪
Taxi.
[BARBRA STREISAND'S "DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE" PLAYING]
♪♪ Don't tell me not to fly I've simply got to ♪♪
♪♪ If someone takes a spill it's me and not you ♪♪
♪♪ Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade ♪♪
♪♪ I gotta fly once I gotta try once ♪♪
♪♪ Only can die once, right, sir? ♪♪
♪♪ Ooh, life is juicy juicy, and you see ♪♪
♪♪ I gotta have my bite, sir! ♪♪
♪♪ Get ready for me, love cause I'm a "comer" ♪♪
♪♪ I simply gotta march my heart's a drummer ♪♪
♪♪ Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade! ♪♪
♪♪ Nobody, no, nobody ♪♪
♪♪ Is gonna rain on my parade! ♪♪
Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow!
FRAN: Oh, wait.
Lady, you meant to be on that ship?
Oh, I guess not.
[MOURNFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I thought you went to bed.
Oh, no. I've been out since late this afternoon.
So you haven't been in your office?
No. Why?
Ah... Ma's in there watching TV.
She had a fight with Daddy.
Well, I'm very glad you're still up.
You know, I've missed you.
Oh, the show is coming along superbly.
Very soon it'll be opening night.
You'll be there wearing something smashing.
I'll stick a couple of TUMS in your cummerbund,
so when you get nervous....
Miss Fine, are you all right?
- Have you been crying? - I...
I went clubbing with Val and I hurt my ankle.
Oh, dear. Well, let's have a look.
- Gently. - Ow!
Oh, yes. Well, we should get some ice on that.
Do you think you can walk?
No.
You sit right there. I'll get it.
You know, it's been a marvel to me
how you manage to totter around the house in those high heels.
[PANTS]
There you go.
Why are you breathing so heavily?
Lamaze.
Ma enrolled me. Wishful thinking.
Right.
Well, anyway, you sleep with that on tonight,
and I'll fetch a doctor in the morning.
Thanks.
No. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.
Can't have any of that, can we?
Here, put your arms around my shoulder.
There we go.
There we are.
Don't worry, Miss Fine, I've got you.
Boy, do you ever.
Miss Fine, we're all sitting down to dinner.
Right.
You do realize it was your other ankle you injured?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]