1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,000
[♪♪♪]

2
00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:07,483
Where's the camera?
Where's the camera?

3
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,160
What do you need to
take a picture of?

4
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:13,266
Well, I'm off to make
the keynote speech

5
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,300
at the Theatre Guild.

6
00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:18,500
Miss Babcock,
you can't go like that.

7
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:22,416
Nanny Fine, I will be speaking
to Broadway impresarios.

8
00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:24,433
But I will seek
your fashion expertise

9
00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:27,500
next time I'm dancing in a cage.

10
00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:30,466
You don't need your coat.
It's not cold.

11
00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:37,466
Oh, wait, wait, wait.

12
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,333
Oh, God. That's not fair.

13
00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:42,383
That was gonna be
my Christmas card.

14
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,350
Oh, now, cheer up, Niles.

15
00:00:46,383 --> 00:00:49,166
You know, there are people out
there with real problems

16
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,183
that don't even have
a reason to live.

17
00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:53,433
FRAN: Oh!

18
00:00:55,483 --> 00:00:57,466
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.

19
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,450
Fran, you're never
gonna believe this.

20
00:00:59,483 --> 00:01:03,200
- I am standing,
talking to you...
- Yeah. Yeah.

21
00:01:03,233 --> 00:01:06,116
...in size-six pants.

22
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:07,416
Oh, my God.

23
00:01:07,450 --> 00:01:12,233
Val, you haven't been a size
six
since you were 6.

24
00:01:12,266 --> 00:01:14,300
I know. I know.

25
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:18,330
Oh, Miss Toriello,
that's not a six. It's a
nine.

26
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:25,133
Oh... Fudge Brownie
or Rocky Road?

27
00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:27,160
What do you mean "or"?

28
00:01:28,216 --> 00:01:30,660
Fran, Fran, listen.

29
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:33,150
A bunch of my girlfriends
are getting tattoos
this Saturday...

30
00:01:33,183 --> 00:01:35,400
- Yeah?
- ...and now, I need you
to help with Dad.

31
00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,660
Oh, sure, honey.

32
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,300
I'll invite him
for a nice romantic dinner,

33
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:46,133
candlelight, champagne,
lobster, soft music.

34
00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:48,200
And then
you think he'll go for it?

35
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,400
Well, he better.
'Cause I'm running out of
ideas.

36
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:56,160
- Oh, you mean about the
tattoo?
- Yeah.

37
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,466
Oh, no, honey,
you ain't getting a tattoo.

38
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,160
- Oh, but, Fran.
- Honey,

39
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,250
as long as I am living
under your roof,

40
00:02:04,283 --> 00:02:06,150
you'll do as a say.

41
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,433
Fran, what is the big deal?

42
00:02:09,466 --> 00:02:12,183
You got a tattoo
when we were in high school.

43
00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:14,383
You have a tattoo!

44
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:17,350
My daughter has a tattoo.

45
00:02:17,383 --> 00:02:19,830
SYLVIA: I'm gonna kill myself.

46
00:02:19,116 --> 00:02:23,116
I'm gonna stick my head
in the oven and kill myself.

47
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:32,330
Are these crab cakes done?

48
00:02:35,450 --> 00:02:37,283
<i>- Val!</i>
<i>- Sorry.</i>

49
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,433
<i>♪♪ She was working</i>
<i>in a bridal shop</i>
<i>in Flushing, Queens ♪♪</i>

50
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:44,233
<i>♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend</i>
<i>kicked her out ♪♪</i>

51
00:02:44,266 --> 00:02:46,500
<i>♪♪ in one of those</i>
<i>crushing scenes ♪♪</i>

52
00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:48,330
<i>♪♪ What was she to do?</i>
<i>Where was she to go? ♪♪</i>

53
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,416
<i>♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪</i>

54
00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:53,333
<i>♪♪ So over the bridge</i>
<i>from Flushing to the</i>
<i>Sheffield's door ♪♪</i>

55
00:02:53,366 --> 00:02:56,133
<i>♪♪ She was there</i>
<i>to sell makeup,</i>
<i>but the father saw more ♪♪</i>

56
00:02:56,166 --> 00:02:58,250
<i>♪♪ She had style!</i>
<i>She had flair!</i>
<i>She was there! ♪♪</i>

57
00:02:58,283 --> 00:03:02,500
<i>♪♪ That's how</i>
<i>she became the nanny! ♪♪</i>

58
00:03:02,830 --> 00:03:05,660
<i>♪♪ Who would have guessed that</i>
<i>the girl we've described ♪♪</i>

59
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:07,166
<i>♪♪ was just exactly what</i>
<i>the doctor prescribed? ♪♪</i>

60
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,466
<i>♪♪ Now the father</i>
<i>finds her beguiling ♪♪</i>

61
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,183
<i>♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪</i>

62
00:03:10,216 --> 00:03:11,300
<i>♪♪ And the kids</i>
<i>are actually smiling ♪♪</i>

63
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:12,483
<i>♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪</i>

64
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,233
<i>♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪</i>

65
00:03:14,266 --> 00:03:18,233
<i>♪♪ when everybody else</i>
<i>is wearing tan ♪♪</i>

66
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,316
<i>♪♪ The flashy girl</i>
<i>from Flushing ♪♪</i>

67
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:22,166
<i>♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪</i>

68
00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:26,250
[♪♪♪]

69
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,416
My daughter has a tattoo.

70
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:31,150
I'm gonna be sick.

71
00:03:33,183 --> 00:03:35,450
Niles, quick,
get me something bubbly.

72
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,116
Club soda?

73
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,150
You got any Hershey's syrup?

74
00:03:43,483 --> 00:03:48,100
Of all the shmucky things
that you did as a kid,

75
00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:50,166
nothing compares to this.

76
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,250
Fran, you have broken my heart.

77
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:54,283
You've shattered my dreams.

78
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:57,116
I don't even want to live.

79
00:03:59,416 --> 00:04:03,160
Hey, pokey,
how long does an egg cream take?

80
00:04:06,150 --> 00:04:08,500
When did you do this?

81
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:11,183
Remember when Val and I
were going to Hadassah

82
00:04:11,216 --> 00:04:14,333
to audition
for<i>Jesus Christ Superstar?</i>

83
00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:20,160
Which, incidentally,
should have been a clue.

84
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,450
["SHE'S A MANIAC"
BY HALL AND OATES PLAYING]
<i>♪♪ She's a maniac, maniac ♪♪</i>

85
00:04:23,483 --> 00:04:26,316
<i>♪♪ On the floor ♪♪</i>

86
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:31,350
<i>♪♪ And she's dancing</i>
<i>like she never danced before</i>
<i>♪♪</i>

87
00:04:31,383 --> 00:04:34,830
You know, Fran,
these tattoos are permanent.

88
00:04:34,116 --> 00:04:36,000
I mean,
what if you and Danny break up?

89
00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:38,466
Val, he said he loves me.

90
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,416
I'm not gonna be with someone
that says he loves me

91
00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:43,433
and then takes it back.

92
00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:47,660
[WOMAN SCREAMS]

93
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,133
Either of you AB positive?

94
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:51,366
- No.
- No.

95
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,466
Sorry!

96
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,116
Whoa,
I gotta lay off the
espresso.

97
00:04:57,466 --> 00:04:59,166
So, you got ID?

98
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,183
- No.
- No.

99
00:05:01,216 --> 00:05:03,350
You gotta buy some,
or I can't tattoo you.

100
00:05:03,383 --> 00:05:05,200
Okay. Oh, good.

101
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:06,366
- Here.
- Ten bucks.

102
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,330
- Here.
- Okay. Oh, thanks.

103
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:10,150
Want a beer?

104
00:05:10,183 --> 00:05:11,450
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

105
00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:13,416
Let me see your ID.

106
00:05:15,216 --> 00:05:16,416
Good.

107
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:18,200
Okay.

108
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,383
- All right.
- Look, you got Charles and
Di.

109
00:05:20,416 --> 00:05:23,000
- Yeah.
- Gee, I hope that comes off.

110
00:05:23,330 --> 00:05:25,400
I have a very bad feeling
about that marriage.

111
00:05:26,366 --> 00:05:28,316
Val, you're so stupid.

112
00:05:28,350 --> 00:05:31,200
Where's he going
with those big ears?

113
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:33,466
Yeah, man, I hope you're right.

114
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,160
I'm still sore from turning
Sonny into Gregg Allman.

115
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,433
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

116
00:05:42,466 --> 00:05:45,416
How could you do this
to your family?

117
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,160
Would you like some more,
Sylvia?

118
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:55,000
What, did we just meet?

119
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,300
Where was I?

120
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:01,150
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

121
00:06:01,183 --> 00:06:03,183
How could you do this
to your family?"

122
00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:07,830
It really loses something
in the Gentile translation.

123
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:12,000
You know, this time you
haven't
just defied your mother.

124
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,160
This time you defied God.

125
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,250
If you have a tattoo,

126
00:06:16,283 --> 00:06:19,416
you can't be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

127
00:06:19,450 --> 00:06:25,330
And unless you have it removed,
consider yourself disowned.

128
00:06:25,660 --> 00:06:27,660
Ma.

129
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:32,483
You know, this has nothing to
do
with you and me.

130
00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:47,200
[NILES CLEARS THROAT]

131
00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,350
[CLEARS THROAT]

132
00:06:54,366 --> 00:06:57,416
Come on, Niles.
Obviously, you're dying
to tell me something.

133
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,000
So, what is it?

134
00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:03,400
It's a secret?

135
00:07:04,266 --> 00:07:06,100
You promised not to say a word.

136
00:07:07,216 --> 00:07:09,250
Two words.

137
00:07:09,283 --> 00:07:12,116
It's a person. Who is it?

138
00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:17,660
The Thompsons' butler?

139
00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:21,660
Miss Fine!

140
00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:22,450
What about Miss Fine?

141
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:25,000
What? Just tell me.

142
00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:26,333
Just tell me, Niles, or you're--

143
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:29,233
- She has a tattoo.
- Miss Fine has a tattoo?

144
00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:30,333
She does?

145
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,150
Oh, such keen hearing.

146
00:07:32,183 --> 00:07:35,150
And look, she brought
a newspaper. Good girl.

147
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:40,233
Niles, don't you think
it's time you came up
with some fresh material?

148
00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:42,100
Something I haven't heard.

149
00:07:42,133 --> 00:07:45,000
How about,
"Can you stay the night?"

150
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:48,283
Oh, Niles, when do you have time

151
00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:50,233
to come up with
these clever retorts?

152
00:07:50,266 --> 00:07:51,350
It must be that half hour

153
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,200
between scraping pigeon poop
off the stoop

154
00:07:54,233 --> 00:07:56,183
and fighting shower fungus.

155
00:07:58,433 --> 00:08:02,350
So, Miss Fine has a tattoo, eh?

156
00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:04,316
Oh, I'm shocked.
How out of character

157
00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:07,233
for Nanny Fine to do something
cheap and vulgar.

158
00:08:08,266 --> 00:08:12,266
Shameful.
I-I wonder where it is.

159
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:16,160
Well, obviously, on a part of
her body hidden by clothing.

160
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:21,500
Oh, well, let's see.
That narrows it down to,
what, Niles, about 2 inches?

161
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:32,183
Well, I remember the tattoo
being higher on your tush.

162
00:08:32,216 --> 00:08:34,300
It was, Val.

163
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,383
Come on, Fran,
please talk to Dad for me.

164
00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:44,400
I mean, you remember
when you were 17, right?

165
00:08:44,433 --> 00:08:46,483
Yeah, I do.

166
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,416
Oh, it was a very good year.

167
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,300
Better not be that good for you.

168
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:59,233
- Mr. Sheffield.
- Miss Fine.

169
00:09:04,383 --> 00:09:06,233
Are you okay?

170
00:09:06,266 --> 00:09:08,233
Oh, I'm fine. Thanks.

171
00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:15,830
Let me ask you something.
How do you feel about tattoos?

172
00:09:15,116 --> 00:09:18,483
Oh, well, Miss Fine,
seeing as you asked,

173
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,300
as a matter of fact,
I am a little intrigued.

174
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:25,100
by the idea of painted flesh

175
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:29,466
hidden on some part of a body...

176
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,400
reserved only
for that special someone
to...

177
00:09:34,433 --> 00:09:37,100
Well, you know-- Well, I'm...

178
00:09:38,483 --> 00:09:41,283
Tattoos are okay in my book.

179
00:09:41,316 --> 00:09:43,233
Thanks, Daddy.

180
00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,300
- What was that?
- Ah...

181
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:48,400
Well, you just gave
your daughter
permission
to get a tattoo.

182
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:52,660
What? I'd never let Margaret
get a tattoo.

183
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:54,266
Well, you just said
you loved tattoos.

184
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:57,166
Miss Fine,
I was talking about on you.

185
00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:01,150
[MUSIC PLAYING]

186
00:10:13,366 --> 00:10:15,416
Fran, how can you stand there
like that,

187
00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:17,166
with the door wide open?

188
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,133
Mr. Sheffield could walk by
and see you.

189
00:10:20,166 --> 00:10:23,330
Not if you don't move, Val.

190
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,233
I just found out
that he is really turned on

191
00:10:30,266 --> 00:10:32,183
by a certain little tattoo.

192
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:35,150
Oh, that guy
from<i>Fantasy Island?</i>

193
00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:39,266
Excuse me, Miss Fine.

194
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:42,183
Have you talked to Margaret
about that tattoo business?

195
00:10:42,216 --> 00:10:44,333
Yeah, I talked to her.
It's all under control.

196
00:10:44,366 --> 00:10:46,283
FRAN: Don't worry about it.
It's taken care of.

197
00:10:46,316 --> 00:10:50,100
MAXWELL [THINKING]:
<i>Where the hell is it?</i>

198
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:53,316
<i>My God,</i>
<i>bloody Waldo's easier to</i>
<i>spot.</i>

199
00:10:57,183 --> 00:10:59,250
Is there anything else
I can do for you?

200
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,200
No, no, no. Absolutely nothing.

201
00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:05,350
No, I'll just
be getting off-- Along.

202
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:11,133
Wow! The guy is obviously
so turned on by you.

203
00:11:11,166 --> 00:11:13,350
What's taking him so long
to make a move?

204
00:11:13,383 --> 00:11:15,466
Hey now, he's afraid that the
kids will suffer

205
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:16,483
if it doesn't work out.

206
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,133
He is just so afraid of change.

207
00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:22,250
Why do you think I stay 29?

208
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:25,333
It's for him.

209
00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:28,200
Fran, if you think this
tattoo
is your secret weapon,

210
00:11:28,233 --> 00:11:30,333
how come you made
a doctor's appointment

211
00:11:30,366 --> 00:11:32,500
to take it off your butt?

212
00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,233
Oh, that's just
a consultation, Val.

213
00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:37,283
The only thing
I'm getting off my butt is
Ma.

214
00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:41,133
This baby is staying.

215
00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:46,500
Now, what is it about a tattoo
that guys find such a turn-on?

216
00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:47,400
It's very erotic, Val.

217
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:50,333
I mean, you know,
it's the lure of the
forbidden.

218
00:11:50,366 --> 00:11:52,450
You know,
it's like when we date a guy

219
00:11:52,483 --> 00:11:56,150
and suddenly we find out
he drives a Sara Lee truck.

220
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,216
- Oh, yeah.
- Same thing.

221
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,330
Yeah, I got it.

222
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:07,200
Dr. Roberts,
could you make me look like--?

223
00:12:07,233 --> 00:12:08,466
Nope.

224
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,250
But they do have a new procedure

225
00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:15,233
that freezes the muscles
in your face

226
00:12:15,266 --> 00:12:17,660
so you'll never get lines.

227
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,100
So I'd never be able
to smile again?

228
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:20,483
That's right.

229
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,216
- You married?
- No.

230
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,383
- You rich?
- No.

231
00:12:23,416 --> 00:12:25,350
What have you got
to smile about?

232
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:32,160
Don't worry.
He's a very good surgeon.

233
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:36,283
Although, I didn't care for way
he lifted Aunt Lottie's boobs.

234
00:12:36,316 --> 00:12:38,660
Well, on the bright side,

235
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:41,500
now she doesn't have to wear
shoulder pads anymore.

236
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,300
- Um, Doctor?
- Yeah?

237
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:49,350
You know, we're here to find
out
what you can do about this.

238
00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:57,200
This is much more serious
than I imagined.

239
00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:59,500
Oh?

240
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:01,200
This thing is cracked.

241
00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:03,500
[LAUGHS]

242
00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,400
So, what exactly is the problem?

243
00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:14,350
Can you remove that tattoo?

244
00:13:14,383 --> 00:13:16,183
I can take it off next Tuesday.

245
00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:18,133
Well, wait a minute.

246
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:20,333
Is it gonna scar?
Is it gonna hurt?

247
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,166
Yes. And, ouch.

248
00:13:23,466 --> 00:13:25,350
Fran, if you keep that tattoo,

249
00:13:25,383 --> 00:13:28,233
you can't be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

250
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,233
It's either a bruised<i>tuchis,</i>

251
00:13:30,266 --> 00:13:34,383
or spending all of eternity
without your family.

252
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,166
Can you make it bigger?

253
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:43,160
[MUSIC PLAYING]

254
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,830
Oh, Val, I just love
this new bathing suit I got.

255
00:13:49,116 --> 00:13:51,500
You think Mr. Sheffield
will be able

256
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:52,483
to see my tattoo in this?

257
00:13:55,283 --> 00:13:59,166
Fran, he'll be able
to see your liver in that.

258
00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:04,283
I just gotta figure out
an excuse to wear it.

259
00:14:04,316 --> 00:14:07,100
Oh, wait. There's a four-day
weekend coming up.

260
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:09,660
Oh, oh, kids! Kids!

261
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,160
- Come down here.
- Wait a second.

262
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,416
Won't Mr. Sheffield
be a little suspicious,

263
00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:14,250
you suddenly planning a trip?

264
00:14:14,283 --> 00:14:16,250
No. He worries
when I'm not working him

265
00:14:16,283 --> 00:14:17,466
for a free vacation.

266
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,266
- Kids.
- Fran, what's up?

267
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,383
- What's going on?
- Where's your sister?
Gracie!

268
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:24,300
Fran, she's down the street.

269
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:26,316
- She's not gonna hear you.
- Oh.

270
00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:28,133
What is it, Fran?

271
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,333
Hi, honey.

272
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,233
There's a four-day weekend
coming up.

273
00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,200
- Where should we go?
- The Hamptons.

274
00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:36,133
- Skiing.
- Horseback riding.

275
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,160
Bermuda it is.

276
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,250
[MUSIC PLAYING]

277
00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:49,830
Well, Miss Fine, this is
the perfect place

278
00:14:49,116 --> 00:14:51,200
- for a family vacation.
- Mm-hmm.

279
00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:56,160
Here's tattoo-- I mean, to you.

280
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,383
MAXWELL [THINKING]:
<i>My God, I hope</i>
<i>she didn't hear that.</i>

281
00:14:58,416 --> 00:15:03,383
FRAN [THINKING]:
<i>And is this</i>
<i>gonna be a piece of cake.</i>

282
00:15:05,416 --> 00:15:07,116
You know, Mr. Sheffield,

283
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:09,316
Brighton and Maggie
are gonna be at the disco

284
00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:11,500
for at least another hour.

285
00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:14,216
So that'll give us
a chance to talk...

286
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:17,366
you know, about the kids,
the house.

287
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:20,483
FRAN [THINKING]:
<i>Did I remember to wax?</i>

288
00:15:24,233 --> 00:15:26,350
We're on vacation, Miss Fine.

289
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:29,200
A little time alone together
will give me a chance

290
00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:31,483
to see a side of you
I haven't seen.

291
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,000
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

292
00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:36,466
I think you've seen
just about all my sides.

293
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,200
Only your good side, Miss Fine.

294
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:41,133
I've yet to see your backside--

295
00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:44,166
Bad side.

296
00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:56,000
So you've done wonders
with the children.

297
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,283
I'm amazed at how Brighton

298
00:15:57,316 --> 00:15:59,283
is really applying himself
this year.

299
00:15:59,316 --> 00:16:01,333
I have to say,
I was a little concerned

300
00:16:01,366 --> 00:16:03,830
about his math grades.

301
00:16:04,166 --> 00:16:06,100
Yeah, well, you know,
it was very wise

302
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,300
- to hire a tutor.
- Oh, yeah.

303
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:11,660
FRAN [THINKING]:
<i>Yada, yada, yada.</i>
<i>We're drifting.</i>

304
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,316
<i>Gotta get this puppy</i>
<i>back on track.</i>

305
00:16:14,316 --> 00:16:19,283
Oh, boy, I'll tell you,
it is so humid here.

306
00:16:19,316 --> 00:16:21,200
How about a swim?

307
00:16:21,233 --> 00:16:23,383
FRAN [THINKING]:
<i>And we're there.</i>

308
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,433
Great idea. You know what?

309
00:16:28,466 --> 00:16:31,660
I'll go change into
my bathing suit,

310
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:35,000
I'll tuck Gracie in,
and I'll be right back.

311
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:37,383
FRAN [THINKING]:
<i>Watch me work this walk.</i>

312
00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:45,383
<i>Oy! That's a turn-on.</i>

313
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:51,383
Well, good night, sweetie.
Sweet dreams. Love you.

314
00:16:51,416 --> 00:16:54,100
- Fran.
- What?

315
00:16:54,133 --> 00:16:56,266
You know I can't sleep
when we're on a trip.

316
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,466
Will you sleep with me?

317
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,133
FRAN [THINKING]:
<i>Right words, wrong</i>
<i>Sheffield.</i>

318
00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:05,133
Okay, honey.

319
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:08,450
Why don't you just rest.
Maybe you'll get sleepy.

320
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,466
- Sleepy yet?
- Nope.

321
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,183
Will you be for 10 bucks?

322
00:17:20,216 --> 00:17:21,333
How about a story?

323
00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:23,266
Oh, honey,
it's getting really late.

324
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:27,100
- I'm not gonna sleep
unless--
- Okay. Here's the story.

325
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,183
About a man named Jed,
a poor mountaineer.

326
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,416
- Fran. Fran.
- Barely kept his family
fed.

327
00:17:32,233 --> 00:17:34,000
You gotta get a life.

328
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,133
I'm trying.

329
00:17:38,216 --> 00:17:40,483
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

330
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,333
Why don't you
just close your eyes?

331
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:46,483
Okay. Shh.

332
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,830
- Fran.
- Yeah?

333
00:17:50,116 --> 00:17:53,233
Will you promise me
you'll stay with us forever?

334
00:17:53,266 --> 00:17:55,433
Honey, I'm counting on it.

335
00:17:57,133 --> 00:18:01,233
Sometimes I worry
that everything's gonna
change.

336
00:18:01,266 --> 00:18:06,416
Um, well, you know, sometimes
a little change is a good
thing.

337
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:08,333
- No, it's not.
- Why?

338
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:11,250
'Cause if you don't like
it,
you can never go back
the way things were.

339
00:18:11,283 --> 00:18:13,333
- But what if you do like
it?
- What if you don't?

340
00:18:13,366 --> 00:18:15,350
Well, what's it to you?

341
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:21,300
MAXWELL [THINKING]:
<i>Oh, God, what am I doing?</i>

342
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,266
<i>This is a test, isn't it?</i>

343
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:27,183
<i>Yeah. You want to see</i>
<i>if I can control myself.</i>

344
00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:29,333
<i>Well, I'm going to</i>
<i>prove something to you</i>

345
00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:32,100
<i>once and for all.</i>

346
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:33,416
I can't.

347
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,660
Oh, Miss Fine.

348
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:43,200
Why aren't you in your
thong--?
I mean, thuit--

349
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:46,433
Bathing suit?

350
00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:52,133
You know, I really
didn't feel like changing.

351
00:18:52,166 --> 00:18:55,116
Um... I don't think
it's the right time

352
00:18:55,150 --> 00:18:57,300
for us to take a swim.

353
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:03,160
Right. Right.
I-- Yes, I understand.

354
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,300
How about now?

355
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,250
Actually, I was thinking
of maybe playing

356
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:21,433
a nice friendly game
of Ping-Pong.

357
00:19:21,466 --> 00:19:24,316
Ah. Yes, Ping-Pong. Right.

358
00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:26,416
- Safe.
- Fun.

359
00:19:30,266 --> 00:19:32,266
- Ready?
- Mm hmm.

360
00:19:36,116 --> 00:19:37,333
Oh, you.

361
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,000
You.

362
00:19:51,216 --> 00:19:54,433
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

363
00:19:54,466 --> 00:20:01,250
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

364
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,160
Wow.

365
00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:22,500
Whew!

366
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:31,133
- Chinese or Italian?
- Both.

367
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:40,450
Thank you.

368
00:20:40,483 --> 00:20:42,433
Fran, I know
you're still in pain

369
00:20:42,466 --> 00:20:45,500
from getting
your tattoo removed.

370
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,400
But I'm still getting one
when I turn 18.

371
00:20:47,433 --> 00:20:50,183
Well, not if you wanna be
buried
next to your husband

372
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,200
in a Jewish cemetery.

373
00:20:53,466 --> 00:20:56,830
Well, I'm not Jewish.

374
00:20:56,483 --> 00:20:58,316
Honey, don't be so selfish.

375
00:20:58,350 --> 00:21:01,283
You know I live vicariously
through you.

376
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,433
- Oh, you want your doughnut?
- Oh, yeah.

377
00:21:05,466 --> 00:21:08,200
Oh, isn't it ironic?

378
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:11,250
Every doughnut I touch
ends up on my hips.

379
00:21:15,216 --> 00:21:17,433
Oh, Ma. How sweet.

380
00:21:17,466 --> 00:21:19,316
You brought me
a chocolate chip Danish

381
00:21:19,350 --> 00:21:21,830
to ease my pain?

382
00:21:21,116 --> 00:21:24,100
Ah... yeah.

383
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,366
Sweetheart,
I'm so glad you took my
advice.

384
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:35,400
Now you can be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

385
00:21:35,433 --> 00:21:40,233
Otherwise, we would have had
to dig a hole in the backyard.

386
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,316
Next to Booboo the cat.

387
00:21:46,383 --> 00:21:51,000
Ma, Booboo didn't die.
He ran away.

388
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,316
Ah... yeah.

389
00:21:57,830 --> 00:21:59,433
[MUSIC PLAYING]

390
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:10,160
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]