1
00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:06,160
♪♪ You're the light of love ♪♪
2
00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:11,250
♪♪ You're the light ♪♪
3
00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:17,383
♪♪ Of love ♪♪
4
00:00:17,416 --> 00:00:22,500
Yes! Bravo! Bravo!
5
00:00:22,830 --> 00:00:25,183
Oh, this benefit will make
a fortune for Broadway Cares.
6
00:00:25,216 --> 00:00:27,316
With Roslyn Kind singing
7
00:00:27,350 --> 00:00:32,216
and her sister Barbra
Streisand hosting the event--
8
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:34,660
Which is not why we hired you.
9
00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:38,400
Well, I haven't exactly gotten
around to calling Barbra yet.
10
00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:40,830
BOTH: Why?
11
00:00:41,183 --> 00:00:44,383
Well, she hasn't given me
her new number.
12
00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:48,660
But I do a great
impersonation of Barbra.
13
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Although, personally, I think
for years she's been doing me.
14
00:00:51,316 --> 00:00:53,216
[PLAYING PIANO]
15
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,433
♪♪ To find the way
of your heart ♪♪
16
00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:58,300
♪♪ Sometimes you must
say goodbye ♪♪
17
00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:01,266
♪♪ And trust that time
will take you where ♪♪
18
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:06,283
♪♪ Your greatest visions lie ♪♪
19
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:10,333
Barbra? Barbra? Barbra?
20
00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:15,350
♪♪ Shine your light ♪♪
21
00:01:15,383 --> 00:01:20,233
♪♪ A smile deep down
inside of you ♪♪
22
00:01:20,266 --> 00:01:23,133
♪♪ It is waiting there ♪♪
23
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:26,233
♪♪ Just to guide you through ♪♪
24
00:01:26,266 --> 00:01:30,150
♪♪ You're the light of love ♪♪
25
00:01:30,183 --> 00:01:34,283
- ♪♪You're the light ♪♪
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
26
00:01:34,316 --> 00:01:36,830
[CONTINUES RINGING]
27
00:01:36,116 --> 00:01:39,316
♪♪ Of love ♪♪
28
00:01:40,466 --> 00:01:44,330
Barbra, Barbra, Barbra!
29
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:45,383
Barbra's sister.
30
00:01:45,416 --> 00:01:47,300
Close enough. Same DNA.
31
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:53,660
Nanny Fine, you are
drooling on Roslyn's shoes.
32
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,330
It doesn't matter.
They're my sister's.
33
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:57,316
Take them off! Take them off!
34
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,400
Nanny Fine!
35
00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:02,400
This nut isn't working
with us, is she?
36
00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:05,183
Oh, good heavens,
no, no, no.
37
00:02:05,216 --> 00:02:07,330
She takes care
of my children.
38
00:02:07,466 --> 00:02:09,100
Hi.
39
00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:11,366
Why don't we all go
into Maxwell's office?
40
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,250
- Good idea.
- Yeah. That's better.
41
00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:16,250
More intimate. It's got the
little couch and everything.
42
00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:19,150
Tell me where Barbra lives
and no one gets hurt.
43
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:23,366
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
44
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,283
♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
45
00:02:26,316 --> 00:02:28,160
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
46
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,450
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
47
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,316
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
48
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,300
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
49
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:37,116
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪
50
00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:39,400
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
but the father saw more ♪♪
51
00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:42,500
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
52
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,283
♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny ♪♪
53
00:02:45,316 --> 00:02:48,283
♪♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
♪♪
54
00:02:48,316 --> 00:02:50,433
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
55
00:02:50,466 --> 00:02:52,300
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
56
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:54,000
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
57
00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:55,100
♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪
58
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,250
♪♪ Such♪♪
59
00:02:56,283 --> 00:02:57,483
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
60
00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,166
♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪
61
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,660
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
62
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,830
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
63
00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:10,266
[♪♪♪]
64
00:03:15,183 --> 00:03:16,483
- Hey, Fran.
- Shh!
65
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,160
My mother can't hear
Barbra Streisand's sister.
66
00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:24,660
Well, if you'd stop chewing.
67
00:03:26,183 --> 00:03:27,483
I need to talk to you
about a personal problem.
68
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,450
Honey, you're at that age,
you should be talking
to your butler.
69
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,166
No, wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
70
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,250
Your father's telling
hisPirates of Penzance
What's up?
71
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:40,200
Well, I like this girl,
Julie, but she just wants
to be friends.
72
00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:42,316
How am I gonna get her
to make a deeper commitment?
73
00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:44,400
You're asking me?
74
00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,183
Oh, Fran, I've had it.
75
00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:52,500
Dad is obviously not getting me
a car for my birthday.
76
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:55,116
So I figured out a way
to win one.
77
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:58,133
Miss Trans Am contest?
78
00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:01,133
Oh, honey, I am not letting you
enter some contest
79
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:03,283
where you parade around
in some skimpy outfit
80
00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:06,300
so a bunch of men could
stare at you like you're
a piece of meat.
81
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,300
No, ma'am.
82
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,200
Not me. You.
83
00:04:09,233 --> 00:04:11,466
Oh, how sweet!
84
00:04:14,116 --> 00:04:17,660
Listen, all you have to do
is win the talent portion
85
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:19,283
drive a five-speed Trans Am
through an obstacle course
86
00:04:19,316 --> 00:04:22,300
and be between the ages
of 18 and 25.
87
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:25,183
Oh, well, that lets me out.
88
00:04:25,216 --> 00:04:26,466
I can't drive a stick shift.
89
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,660
Oh, you can't?
90
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,466
Mm-mm.
Nobody in my family can.
91
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,830
I think it's in the Torah
or something.
92
00:04:36,466 --> 00:04:39,416
Well, maybe my dad could teach
you on his Porsche.
93
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:42,660
Oh, no. What am I saying?
94
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,133
He would never help you
win a car for me.
95
00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:47,000
Uh, you know, Maggie,
96
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,183
I've seen your father
drive his Porsche.
97
00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:52,350
Believe me, he's nobody to teach
anybody how to drive a stick.
98
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,660
I beg your pardon?
99
00:04:55,283 --> 00:04:56,433
We're in.
100
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,333
[♪♪♪]
101
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,316
Oh, this entire thing
is ridiculous.
102
00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:15,233
Maggie is far too young
to have a car.
103
00:05:15,266 --> 00:05:18,000
Mr. Sheffield, you know,
I understand you're a foreigner
104
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:21,316
and that's why I cut you
slack when you wear dark socks
and sandals.
105
00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:28,466
But in this country,
when a girl turns 17,
she gets herself a car.
106
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,266
Unless you come
from my neighborhood.
107
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,233
Then it's a car
or a nose job.
108
00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,250
I got the car.
109
00:05:37,316 --> 00:05:40,433
Ms. Fine, why don't you
just get her one of those
Remington Steele
110
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,250
Lady Schick things
you get everyone else?
111
00:05:43,283 --> 00:05:46,300
Are you kidding?
She's like a daughter to me.
112
00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:49,216
Besides, you always get her
expensive stuff. Now, I can.
113
00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:53,366
Oh, Ms. Fine, what you give
my children, you can't put
a price on.
114
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,233
And yet you find six bucks
an hour sufficient.
115
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,416
Oh, Ms. Fine, go into third.
116
00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:02,466
You've gotta feel it
when it's time to shift.
117
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,183
Do I have to squeeze
your leg every time?
118
00:06:05,216 --> 00:06:07,183
I guess I'm a slow learner.
119
00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:11,500
There you go.
That's the way.
120
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:12,366
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
121
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,416
Oh, my God!
122
00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,500
Wait, wait, wait,
where you going?
123
00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:16,416
- Why are you turning off?
- Oh, Loehmann's.
124
00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:18,133
Warehouse. Mothership.
125
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:21,316
No, no. Just--
just-- just drive.
126
00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:24,830
All right. All right.
127
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,266
No more distractions.
128
00:06:28,316 --> 00:06:30,283
Shifting.
129
00:06:30,316 --> 00:06:32,350
Beautiful, babe.
130
00:06:33,183 --> 00:06:34,466
[CAR PHONE RINGING]
131
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,830
Yello.
132
00:06:36,116 --> 00:06:37,266
Oh, here, would you just--
133
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,200
Just put both hands
on the wheel.
134
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:43,133
Hello. Oh, C.C., hold on.
I'm gonna put you on speaker.
135
00:06:43,166 --> 00:06:46,116
Maxwell, great news.
Barbra Streisand called.
136
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:47,283
Oh, I'm putting
you off speaker.
137
00:06:47,316 --> 00:06:49,416
You touch that button
and I'll kill us both.
138
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,450
Barbra's agreed to host
the benefit,
139
00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:55,450
but only if we do it
at her house in the Hamptons.
140
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:59,200
Oh, my God. I can't
believe I'm going
to Barbra's house.
141
00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:02,660
- No, you're not.
- This is the most
exciting day of my life.
142
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,100
- No, it's not.
- Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
how can I ever thank you?
143
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,000
By looking that way. Look out!
144
00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:09,233
- [SHRIEKS] Oh!
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
145
00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:10,433
Stop! Stop!
146
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,350
Oh, my God.
147
00:07:14,383 --> 00:07:16,330
Oh, I think I hit something.
148
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:18,100
No, I-- uh, it's all right,
Ms. Fine, it was, uh--
149
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,100
it was just a piece of rubbish.
150
00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:23,330
With bunny ears and
a little cotton tail?
151
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,150
No. No. No.
152
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:28,133
I saw it quite clearly.
It really-- It was--
It was nothing.
153
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:30,466
C.C.:No, no, no.
I know that sound.
154
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,450
Nanny Fine killed
a wittle wascawy wabbit.
155
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:39,416
[♪♪♪]
156
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:47,200
Oh, I can't believe
I killed an innocent rabbit.
157
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,366
Oh, Nanny Fine,
you must feel horrible.
158
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,150
Oh, I do.
159
00:07:52,183 --> 00:07:54,116
Oh, you know what you need?
160
00:07:54,150 --> 00:07:56,283
Some comfort food.
161
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:02,100
[C.C. LAUGHS]
162
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,333
Now, Ms. Fine,
it's not your fault.
163
00:08:04,366 --> 00:08:08,830
Sometimes horrible
accidents happen.
164
00:08:08,116 --> 00:08:09,250
Exhibit A.
165
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:15,330
You really shouldn't
feel so bad.
166
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:17,350
It's not as if rabbits
are an endangered species.
167
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:21,660
They spend their entire lives
mating and reproducing.
168
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,383
Oh, great. So not only
did I kill an animal,
169
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:26,266
but I killed one with a
better social life than mine.
170
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:31,100
Ms. Fine, you have to move on
with your life.
171
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:34,416
Now, let me ask you.
What would Barbra do
if she killed an animal?
172
00:08:34,450 --> 00:08:37,350
First, she'd fire her chauffeur.
173
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:41,383
And then she'd write a
beautiful ballad about it.
174
00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:44,500
Marvin Hamlisch would arrange.
175
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:47,150
And then she'd do the duet
with Julio Iglesias.
176
00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:49,200
You know, to pick up
the foreign market.
177
00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:51,350
[SIGHS]
178
00:08:51,383 --> 00:08:55,660
- I feel better.
- Mm. Thattagirl.
179
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:58,283
I am going to win
this Miss Trans Am contest
180
00:08:58,316 --> 00:09:01,416
and make my platform
animal rights.
181
00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:03,283
I am going to speak out
182
00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:06,300
for all the little creatures
that no one cares about.
183
00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:08,000
Exhibit B.
184
00:09:11,366 --> 00:09:16,160
ANNOUNCER:Welcome to the auto
show at the Nassau Coliseum.
185
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,266
You know, B, you didn't
have to come with us.
186
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,450
Hey, I love cars.
187
00:09:24,116 --> 00:09:26,133
Fran, shouldn't you be getting
ready for the contest?
188
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,316
We don't have time
to meet Miss America.
189
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:32,400
Honey, I was Miss Subways.
It's a professional courtesy.
190
00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:36,100
Oh, if word got out that I was
here and I snubbed her?
191
00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:40,233
Forget about it. It could
start a whole inter-pageantary
incident.
192
00:09:41,216 --> 00:09:43,400
- Tara.
- Hi!
193
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:47,216
Fran Fine, Miss Subways,
1980--
194
00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:49,160
Uh... '90.
195
00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,433
Oh, it's always nice
to meet another pageant winner.
196
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,250
- Oh.
- What was your platform?
197
00:09:54,283 --> 00:09:56,660
Uh, 59th and Lex.
198
00:09:57,333 --> 00:10:00,333
We two have so much in common.
I mean, we're both title holders
199
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:04,216
and, well, you can't get
married for the duration
of your reign
200
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:07,330
and I can't get married
for the love of God.
201
00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:11,160
I assume you're here
for Miss Trans Am contest.
202
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,200
Oh, is it that obvious?
203
00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:14,466
Absolutely.
Good luck to you.
204
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,150
Oh, no. Fran's the one
in the contest.
205
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,316
Oh. Good luck to you.
206
00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:23,433
Meanwhile, I voted
for Miss Kentucky.
207
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,416
Moving into our final round,
the driving competition
208
00:10:29,450 --> 00:10:33,160
and our current leader,
Fran Fine.
209
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,183
[APPLAUSE]
210
00:10:43,116 --> 00:10:44,416
This is so sexist.
211
00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:48,500
I mean, what do women
in swimsuits have to do
with selling cars?
212
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:51,166
Sir, I think we've produced
one too many revivals ofMame.
213
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:56,200
Ms. Fine, start your engine!
214
00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:13,266
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
215
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,483
[SHRIEKING] Oh! Oh!
216
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,450
[SCREAMS]
217
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:33,450
Oh, Fran, don't feel bad
about not winning me the car.
218
00:11:33,483 --> 00:11:36,200
I just love
my new Wet/Dry Lady Schick.
219
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:40,400
No. No. Really. Look.
220
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,116
It's great.
221
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,333
Oh, honey, you're so sweet.
222
00:11:45,366 --> 00:11:49,216
But aren't your friends
disappointed that you
didn't get a car?
223
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,216
Uh... I don't have
any friends anymore.
224
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,450
Come on, Ms. Fine,
let's go for a drive.
225
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,133
You know what they say,
when you fall off a horse,
226
00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:01,830
you gotta get right back on.
227
00:12:01,116 --> 00:12:03,116
Oh, I'm Jewish.
The closest I ever get
228
00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,333
to a horse is Polo
at Ralph Lauren.
229
00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:10,233
You'll drive us
to the Paramus Mall.
230
00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:14,183
We'll tear buttons off
things and get an extra
ten percent discount.
231
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,350
No, I can't.
232
00:12:17,383 --> 00:12:20,116
You have to drive again,
Ms. Fine.
233
00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:23,250
No. I mean, I've been barred
from the Paramus Mall.
234
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,316
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
it's okay.
235
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,450
Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
236
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:31,433
I've decided to get therapy.
237
00:12:31,466 --> 00:12:34,433
How are we feeling today?
238
00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:39,183
I'm afraid we're going to have
to cancel our appointment.
239
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,500
I have a date coming over.
240
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,333
That's how you therapists
keep us coming back.
241
00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:45,116
You make us more bitter.
242
00:12:47,316 --> 00:12:50,400
Come on, Maxwell, we have a lot
of work to do for the benefit.
243
00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:54,000
Don't mind me, Nanny Fine.
I'm just passing through.
244
00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:56,150
[WHISTLES "THE BUNNY HOP"]
245
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,830
Hop, hop, hop.
246
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,416
Oh, come on, Ms. Fine,
247
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,266
I can't stand seeing
you like this.
248
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:12,450
Can't you just forget
what happened and get on
with your life?
249
00:13:12,483 --> 00:13:16,133
Well, if you're gonna cuddle
and touch me every time
I'm depressed,
250
00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:19,350
I gotta tell you,
this is pretty much
my mood for a while.
251
00:13:23,283 --> 00:13:26,450
Oh, come on, there must
be something I can do
to cheer you up.
252
00:13:26,483 --> 00:13:29,150
Isn't there some favorite place
you'd like to go?
253
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:32,116
No. Nothing's giving me a buzz.
254
00:13:32,150 --> 00:13:34,160
How about Barbra
Streisand's house?
255
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:37,330
Oh, would you do that?
256
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:40,830
Of course, Ms. Fine.
Anything for you.
257
00:13:40,116 --> 00:13:45,116
Oh, this is like a dream come
true, I'm so excited!
258
00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:47,660
Pack your bags and get out.
259
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:58,330
Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you,
Ms. Streisand.
260
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:00,116
Oh, no, that's way too formal.
261
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,466
Nice knowing you, Babs.
262
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,466
No. That's way too familiar.
263
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,000
Oh, I've got such a shtuk
in my gadehrum.
264
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,200
Oh, you know, that's perfect.
265
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,433
This is gonna be a disaster.
266
00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:21,500
First, we have to shake
three bus loads of Fines
trailing us.
267
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:26,150
Come on, C.C.,
leave Ms. Fine alone.
268
00:14:26,183 --> 00:14:28,366
This is a very important night
for her.
269
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,166
Ms. Fine, your hair is looking
particularly big tonight.
270
00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:37,133
Well, yours would, too,
if you had a camcorder
hidden in it.
271
00:14:38,350 --> 00:14:41,316
Kidding! Would you relax?
272
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:44,166
I am not going to embarrass you.
273
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,300
I'm on a pilgrimage
to meet my spiritual leader.
274
00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:52,250
- What?
- Oh, my stomach is killing me.
275
00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:54,300
It must be that pâté Niles made.
276
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:57,330
Well, we're going
to Barbra's house.
277
00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:58,283
She's a sister.
278
00:14:58,316 --> 00:15:02,830
She'll have Tagamet,
Mylanta, Pepcid AC.
279
00:15:02,116 --> 00:15:03,166
Don't worry.
280
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,450
No. I'm serious, Ms. Fine.
I'm sweaty.
281
00:15:05,483 --> 00:15:07,366
I'm starting to shake.
282
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,830
I'm gonna have to pull over.
283
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,660
Yeah, we'll pull over.
In her driveway.
284
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:12,300
Now, floor it.
285
00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,383
C.C., you're gonna
have to drive.
286
00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,483
Oh, that's a good idea.
C.C., you drive.
287
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,330
Don't even stop the car.
Just switch. Switch.
288
00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:22,450
Maxwell, you know
I can't drive a stick.
289
00:15:22,483 --> 00:15:24,283
It's no good. I've got
to get out, get some air.
290
00:15:24,316 --> 00:15:27,500
No. We'll drive
with the windows open.
291
00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:30,150
So it's a little dewy.
I'll frizz for my queen.
292
00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:33,466
Nanny Fine, Nanny Fine,
Nanny Fine.
293
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,150
You drive a stick.
294
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:37,316
No. I can't. I can't.
295
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:40,383
I know. You put it
in neutral, I'll push.
296
00:15:40,416 --> 00:15:43,250
I shoved my mother up a hill
in San Francisco once.
297
00:15:43,283 --> 00:15:45,300
This is just a small
foreign car.
298
00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:50,300
Nanny Fine, Maxwell
and I are producing this
for Broadway Cares.
299
00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:53,116
And I don't care if Broadway
cares if I'm not there
to get the credit!
300
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:57,466
I can't. I can't!
301
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,100
♪♪ Can it be that it was
all so simple then ♪♪
302
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,316
Stop it!
303
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:08,450
♪♪ Or has time rewritten
every line? ♪♪
304
00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:12,266
[CRYING] I'm not gonna
see my Barbra.
305
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:15,433
Oh, my God. Forgive me.
306
00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,660
Nanny Fine,
Roz swore me to secrecy
307
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:23,100
but James Brolin is gonna
propose to Barbra tonight.
308
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,100
You'll know before Mary Hart.
309
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:27,160
[GASPS]
310
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,660
Get in! You'll puke
in the Porsche!
311
00:16:34,116 --> 00:16:36,166
[♪♪♪]
312
00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:40,300
So, what was she like?
313
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,383
Did you actually get to talk
to Miss Streisand?
314
00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:45,330
Uh-huh. I told her,
315
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,116
"I love you, my queen."
316
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:49,250
And she said,
317
00:16:49,283 --> 00:16:52,100
"Put those boots
back in my closet."
318
00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:57,483
Well, it was a banner night
for both of us.
319
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,466
You got to meet your idol and
overcome your fear of driving,
320
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,400
- Mm-hm.
- while I got a safety pin
321
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:06,160
and worked that little
string through Mr. Sheffield's
sweat pants.
322
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,183
And I've got you to thank for
getting over my fear of driving.
323
00:17:13,216 --> 00:17:14,400
It never would've happened
324
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:18,133
if you hadn't fed Mr. Sheffield
that rancid pâté.
325
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,500
I'm highly offended.
326
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:21,450
Why? Because I called
your pâté rancid?
327
00:17:21,483 --> 00:17:24,433
No. That you'd think
I'd actually take the time
to make it.
328
00:17:24,466 --> 00:17:27,366
I buy it, peel off the label,
and slap it on a plate.
329
00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:30,216
I haven't even
done that in months.
330
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:34,416
Well, then, why would he say
he got sick?
331
00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:36,400
Why would he fake it?
332
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,383
Oh, that sweet man.
333
00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:42,333
Do you know what he did for me?
334
00:17:42,366 --> 00:17:44,283
Threw up on Ms. Babcock?
335
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:48,216
No. That would have been for me.
336
00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:55,383
No. He pretended to be sick
to force me to drive.
337
00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:58,133
Oh, he was showing
his love for me
338
00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:01,366
by acting like
he was nauseous.
339
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,400
Did you know how
he felt about me?
340
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:10,000
Did I know? For four years,
I've been hinting to him,
341
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:11,830
I've been hinting to you,
342
00:18:11,116 --> 00:18:12,350
I've been hinting to him
to hint to you.
343
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,133
Why do you think I don't have
enough time to make pâté?
344
00:18:16,133 --> 00:18:18,266
[♪♪♪]
345
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,000
Mr. Sheffield,
I know what you did.
346
00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:29,250
Oh, well, Ms. Fine,
James and Barbra insisted
we go out for a drink.
347
00:18:29,283 --> 00:18:31,500
I couldn't find you.
348
00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:33,116
I'm not talking about that.
349
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:34,300
You what?!
350
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,316
Gotcha.
351
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,366
[LAUGHING]
352
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,160
Let's get back
to what you were saying.
353
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:47,166
I know that you pretended
to be sick to get me to drive.
354
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,366
I'll tell you,
it is just so adorable
355
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,483
how you can't really express
the way you feel.
356
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,316
Like all the times that you yell
and scream at me
357
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:59,283
when in reality,
you want to hug me.
358
00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:02,150
Well...
359
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,100
And all those times
that you fired me,
360
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:06,416
in reality...
361
00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:09,166
...you want to kiss me.
362
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,383
All right.
363
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:16,000
When you told me you loved me
and you took it back,
364
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:18,100
- when in reality--
- No. Actually, that I meant.
365
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:19,300
I hate you.
366
00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:23,000
No, you don't.
You really want to hug me.
367
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,300
Okay. I'm busted.
368
00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:27,416
Tell me, Ms. Fine,
just out of curiosity,
369
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:29,400
how did you know
I was faking?
370
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,100
Oh, Niles spilled the beans.
371
00:19:55,166 --> 00:19:59,333
Now, now, I'm just saying I'm
surprised that Barbra called you
out of the blue
372
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:02,000
and invited you
back to her house.
373
00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:03,333
What don't you get?
374
00:20:03,366 --> 00:20:05,133
We share the same heritage.
375
00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:07,300
We both have
a distinctive voice.
376
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,216
I had an Andre Agassi poster
in my room.
377
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,133
She had Andre Agassi.
378
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,466
It just seems very bizarre
to me, that's all.
379
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,316
She's a very private person.
I can't imagine what she wants
with you.
380
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:24,483
Look, we just hit it off.
In fact, she said she was
gonna come right over,
381
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,133
but I said, "Don't bother.
We'll come to you."
382
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:29,150
Oh, wait, let me get my purse.
383
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,283
Goodbye, gorgeous.
384
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,216
I suppose she's gonna want
this purse back, too.
385
00:20:57,216 --> 00:21:00,233
Listen, all you have to do
is win a talent portion...
386
00:21:00,266 --> 00:21:02,333
- Yeah.
- ...drive a-- drive a--
Bleah!
387
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:05,216
Okay. Listen, you're
in two movies of the week.
388
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:08,150
You're overworked
already this week.
389
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,500
[LAUGHS]
390
00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:12,183
Okay.
391
00:21:12,216 --> 00:21:16,383
But in this country,
when a girl turns 17,
she gets herself a car.
392
00:21:16,416 --> 00:21:20,100
Unless you come from my
neighborhood, then it's
a car or a nose job.
393
00:21:22,133 --> 00:21:23,233
I got the nose job--
394
00:21:23,266 --> 00:21:24,383
Oh!
395
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,366
[BOTH LAUGHING]
396
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:33,466
Not.
397
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,660
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]