Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Mr. Sheffield just called from the limo
and said that he made a big mistake six months ago
and wants to talk to me about it.
-Six months? -Paris.
-Plane. -Told me that he loved me.
Took it back.
-Mistake. -Mistake.
-Mistake. Mistake. -Mistake. Mistake.
-He made a big mistake. -He made a big mistake.
Niles, could Ms. Fine and I have some privacy, please?
-Oh. -Oh, certainly, sir.
Thank you.
So, Mr. Sheffield,
you said you made some horrible mistake
six months ago.
That's right.
And I want to make it up to you right now.
One sec.
[TELEPHONE]
SYLVIA:Hello?
Oh, hi, Ma.
SYLVIA:Sweetheart, what do you want? We're just sitting down to eat.
-Oh, can it just wait a sec? -SYLVIA:No.
I think you'll wanna hear this.
Go ahead.
Well, Ms. Fine, I-I've just had a meeting with my accountant
and I realized I took out too much withholding tax.
I owe you a refund.
[PHONE HANGS UP]
That was the big mistake you made six months ago?
I can't believe that's what you lured me in here.
You get rid of Niles. You call my mother.
That was you.
Nobody likes a finger-pointer.
Why are you so upset?
Because six months ago you told me that you loved me
and then you took it back.
I thought that was the mistake you made
that you wanted to correct, not some lousy tax refund.
How much are we talking?
Ooh! Ha!
Moving on. How can you be so insensitive?
Well, I thought you understood why I took back what I said.
Oh, I just said I understood.
I was trying to appear reasonable.
I thought it would turn you on.
Maxwell, you are not gonna believe this.
I have been summoned for jury duty.
Well, that is the last time I vote.
Ms. Babcock, maybe I'll go be on that jury with you.
Nanny Fine, you can't just go.
It's not like Supercuts.
Are you kidding? I've got a drawer full of those things.
Besides, there's nothing keeping me here.
Oh, for God's sakes. Ms. Fine,
when are you gonna forgive me for this?
Well, I'll give you a little hint.
It beings with an N...
and ends with an A.
Ne-va.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪
♪♪ in one of those crushing scenes ♪♪
♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪
♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪
♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪
♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪
♪♪ was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪
♪♪ Such♪♪
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
♪♪ when everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪
♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
Oh, my God.
This is the Vincenzo trial.
Oh, I've just gotta get on this jury.
He is on the cover of every romance novel.
[GASPS]
-You know him? -No. You read?
Juror Number 2, I'm sorry, but under marital status,
does this say "divorced"?
No. "Disgusted."
-And you are how old? -Twenty-nine.
Well, who's on trial here, anyway?
-Good news and bad news, sir. -Good news first.
Ms. Babcock got picked as a juror
and will not be returning to work for the duration
Why is that good news for me?
Not everything is about you, sir.
Now, for the bad news. Ms. Fine was also picked.
Oh, actually, that's kind of a relief.
Give her a chance to get out of the house,
meet some new people, get a change of scenery.
Keep her from killing you for breaking her heart again?
Just, uh, find a temporary replacement, would you?
Well, be careful what you wish for, sir.
Say hello to your new nanny.
[TABLE BREAKS]
[♪♪♪]
Hear ye, hear ye.
This court is now in session.
The honorable Judge Jerry Moran presiding. All rise.
Be seated.
Oh, you're all out.
I didn't say "Simon says."
[LAUGHING]
I never get tired of that.
All right. Proceed.
The people call Vincenzo to the stand.
Sit down.
Not you. Juror Number 2.
Well, he yelled at me, but look at her.
She pushed her chair up nice and close.
Do you mind if I kick off my shoes?
My feet are a little moist.
I am the meat in an idiot sandwich.
Mr. Vincenzo,
tell us what happened the night you were attacked.
I was asleep.
My housekeeper, Kiki,
hovered over my bed.
I thought I was dreaming.
Then the woman just chopped all of it off.
And that's why they don't allow female mohels.
Mr. Vincenzo, have you experienced
emotional distress as a result of this attack?
Of course.
God knows if it will grow back.
Thatmalafemmena.
My career is ruined.
Look what she did to me.
I like it.
But lose the earring. It's a little too Mr. Clean.
Mr. Vincenzo,
why would Ms. Hanson want to attack you?
I don't know. In fact, I told her I loved her.
Give her the chair. Pass it down.
Your witness.
Mr. Vincenzo, tell the court what you did
after you told Ms. Hanson that you loved her?
I took it back.
[FRAN GASPS]
Call for a mistrial!
That woman is 100 percent absolutely not guilty!
[SLAMS THE DESK]
Sorry.
Okay, kids, let's play a new game.
It's called "Let's Make Sylvia a Snack."
But we just played "Let's Make Sylvia Dinner."
Yeah, but I won.
Okay. Who wants to paint my nails?
I do.
Mamala, start with the big one first.
They're all big.
Well, that's cool.
So is he cute?
Really? Did he ask you out on a date?
Hey, Gidget, would you get off the phone. We're waiting for Fran to call.
Well, this is Fran. Here, she wants to talk to you.
Oh, you know, my hole closed up.
Could you see if you could push this through?
Hello, sweetheart.
So how's the trial?
Oh, honey, they don't hang people anymore.
Oh, sure. He should rot in hell.
Of course. He's guilty as sin.
I thought she wasn't supposed to discuss the trial.
She's talking about you.
Jus--Just give me the phone.
She don't wanna talk to you.
You know, Mr. Sheffield,
you can't play with a woman's emotions.
A woman is like a fragile, delicate flower.
There's no nail on that toe. Paint the skin.
Hey, look, the trial's on the news.
Atleast, her being on this jury will take her mind off what I said
and then, you know, took back.
NEWS READER:The Vincenzo trial
heated up when the romance-novel heartthrob
revealed he told his employee he loved her, then took it back.
Niles, which arm tingles
when you're about to get a heart attack?
You are so vain.
Not everything in Ms. Fine's life
is colored by her feelings for you.
NEWS READER: The jury sat stone-faced through Vincenzo's testimony
except for a lone juror
who had to be physically restrained.
Will you hold this a minute?
Oh, just look at that poor girl.
See, that is what happens
when a man tells you that he loves you
and then he takes it back.
Any woman in her position
would have done the exact same thing.
What are you looking for?
My Dexatrim.
Ms. Hanson, you claim not to have
a key to Vincenzo's room.
Yet as his live-in maid,
you must have total access to every room in the house.
Oh, this is so low.
They're playing the domestic-help card.
Can you tell us how your fingerprints
got onto People's Exhibit Number 6?
I don't know.
And how did you get those cuts on your hands?
I don't know.
She's just so obviously innocent.
Investigators uncovered a size eight Manolo Blahnik
stiletto-heel print at the scene.
In your deposition, you claim
that you would never own such an ugly pair of shoes.
How do you explain this photograph?
Well, it's obviously been doctored.
I mean, those shoes are white. The crime took place after Labor Day.
There goes the whole timeline.
There's a voice in here that's really irritating me.
Hey, shut up over there.
You lied about these shoes.
You lied about being in his room that night.
And you lied about using those scissors
to deform him, didn't you?
I would never hurt Vincenzo.
I knew him when he was just Bernie Schwartzberg.
Anyone else would've killed him.
-All I did was cut his hair. -Ah-haa!
[JURY MEMBERS GASPS]
Did you hear that?
I don't believe it.
He's Jewish.
Niles, Sylvia has been calling for you for 10 minutes.
Why haven't you answered?
She was calling from the tub, sir.
By the way, where's my lunch?
When the ingredients are combined, she can smell them immediately.
May I, sir?
-SYLVIA: Niles! -Oh, quick.
She's onto us, sir.
Don't bother to chew it. Just swallow it whole.
SYLVIA: Do I smell dry Cotto salami
with a sweet honey mustard
on a kaiser roll?
I really wanted that.
You know if Jimmy Hoffa had a corn beef sandwich in his pocket,
she'd have found him in a week.
-"Guilty." -Yes.
-"Guilty." -Yeah.
And one "not guilty."
[ALL TOGETHER] Oh, come on.
Hey, lady, what part of this exactly is it
you don't understand?
The confession under oath?
Or the neighbor's video that showed her doing it?
You ever hear of "Guilty As Sin"?
Ever hear of Arrid Extra Dry?
All right, Nanny Fine, if you don't vote guilty,
I am gonna swing you by the head like a dead cat.
I have been stuck in that hotel room
with you for eight days.
I'm singing myself to sleep
with "A horse is a horse, of course, of course."
Well, excuse me.
That man told her that he loved her
and then he took it back.
Do you know what that does to a person?
Hasn't anybody ever driven anyone here
to commit an insane act?
I can't say that ever happened.
Oh, so your kids, they call you a lot?
No.
But they see you at least once a week?
Once a month.
And only if I beg.
Oh, it's not my son. It's that cow he married.
Sometimes I just wanna shake...
Not guilty.
[ALL TOGETHER] Oh, no.
Could it be that you're just a little sensitive
to this shrew maid because you have some fantasy
of ending up with your employer yourself?
Ho, ho, ho!
Let she who is without fantasy cast the first stone.
And for your information, I am completely able
to separate myself from this case.
Miss, did you even listen to Vincenzo's reasons
for taking back what he said?
I quote:
"Ms. Hanson and I had feelings for each other
but I couldn't risk the romance.
She was like a mother to my children."
But the kids adore me. Her. Me. Her.
"My children couldn't handle losing another mother
if our relationship didn't work out."
[CRYING]
Same thing happened to me when I was a little boy.
You like a sensitive guy?
Yes.
I used to be one.
So in other words, the reason why he couldn't commit to her
was because he was so much in love with her
he was afraid that if he blew it,
not only would it hurt the kids, but he would lose her forever.
And that's why he took back the thing.
[ALL TOGETHER] Yes, yes, yes!
What thing?
Oh, shut up!
Is that a southwest barbecued chicken
on grilled sourdough with a side of shoestring fries?
Could I have one little bite?
It's not sanitary, sweetheart.
Hold it right there.
Give that [SNIFFS] southwest barbecued chicken
on grilled sourdough with a side of shoestring fries
back to the boy.
God bless you, Fran. Welcome home.
How's Mr. Sheffield?
-You know, he's very antisocial. -Oh?
The whole time I was here, he never came out of his office.
Oh, gee, that's just like Daddy.
Wonder what that's about?
-Bye, sweetheart. -Bye, Ma. Thank you.
Oh, Ms. Fine, you're back.
Look, before we pick up where we left off,
I want you to remember that I've been living
with your mother for a week.
I think I deserve a little time off my sentence.
Mr. Sheffield,
I understand now why you took back what you said
and I'm not angry with you anymore.
Oh, no, no. Come on, don't toy with me, Ms. Fine.
I'm-I'm weak with hunger.
I'm not toying with you. Come here.
Now I'm toying with you.
Did you see the news?
Vincenzo convinced the prosecutor
to drop the charges and just married his housekeeper.
If you think that holding me tight
is gonna get you out of this one, mister,
well, you're gonna have to move your hands lower.
"Her alabaster skin was pressed against his taut, muscular body.
Their lips met...
and the two became one."
Hey, this is my fantasy.
But I lent you the book.
Now, let's go to the chapter where we're shipwrecked.
Oy.
[♪♪♪]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]