1
00:00:02,466 --> 00:00:05,133
Fran, my head is so itchy.
2
00:00:05,166 --> 00:00:07,830
I think I'm allergic
to this hat.
3
00:00:07,116 --> 00:00:13,330
Oh, sweetie, I hope not.
I mean, it is so adorable.
4
00:00:13,416 --> 00:00:14,433
Oh, you know what?
5
00:00:14,466 --> 00:00:16,466
Maybe you are allergic to it.
6
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:20,333
- Bye, angel. Mwah!
- Bye, Fran.
7
00:00:21,466 --> 00:00:24,416
Oh, how dare you order me
about in that manner, sir.
8
00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:26,216
After 30 years of loyal service,
9
00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:28,266
I think I deserve
a little more respect.
10
00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:31,330
God, I wish he was home.
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,366
- MAXWELL:I am.
- [GASPS]
12
00:00:37,166 --> 00:00:39,350
Oh, why don't you
cut him some slack?
13
00:00:39,383 --> 00:00:41,250
I mean, he is your boss
14
00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:43,200
and he's under
a lot of pressure.
15
00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:46,660
Oh, stop trying
to butter up the pompous brat.
16
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,116
I turned it off.
17
00:00:47,150 --> 00:00:49,416
No, you turned it up.
18
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,166
Oh, life is just not fair.
19
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,200
I'm as smart as he is,
as talented as he is.
20
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:03,183
Who thought up this
system of the haves
21
00:01:03,216 --> 00:01:04,300
and the have-nots anyway?
22
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,450
Eh, That would be the haves.
23
00:01:09,116 --> 00:01:12,133
Doesn't working as a menial
laborer ever get to you?
24
00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:14,466
No, this nanny gig
is only temporary.
25
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,333
I got bigger dreams, baby.
26
00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:21,250
Someday I'm gonna be Mrs. Have.
27
00:01:21,283 --> 00:01:26,500
Hmm. And I'll be
Mrs. Have's butler.
28
00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,316
Not with that attitude, mister.
29
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:32,250
I'm sorry.
I'm being a pill.
30
00:01:32,283 --> 00:01:35,330
I can be peppy and make those
chocolate cakes you like--
31
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,366
Oh, this is what it's come
to.
I'm sucking up to the maid.
32
00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:43,166
And you were this close
to working for us.
33
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,433
You know, all this
anger and bitterness
34
00:01:46,466 --> 00:01:50,100
is just a mask
for low self-esteem.
35
00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:52,660
Where does all this come from?
36
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,466
Hey, Niles,
could you wash my underwear?
37
00:01:58,316 --> 00:02:00,450
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
38
00:02:00,483 --> 00:02:03,333
♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
39
00:02:03,366 --> 00:02:05,660
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
40
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,483
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
41
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,316
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
42
00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:11,316
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
43
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:14,166
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪
44
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,466
♪♪ She was there to sell
makeup
but the father saw more ♪♪
45
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,500
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
46
00:02:19,830 --> 00:02:22,350
♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny ♪♪
47
00:02:22,383 --> 00:02:25,433
♪♪ Who would
have guessed that the girl
we've described ♪♪
48
00:02:25,466 --> 00:02:27,466
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
49
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,300
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
50
00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:31,000
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
51
00:02:31,330 --> 00:02:32,116
♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪
52
00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:33,266
♪♪ Such♪♪
53
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,330
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
54
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:39,150
♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪
55
00:02:39,183 --> 00:02:41,150
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
56
00:02:41,183 --> 00:02:43,330
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
57
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,216
[MUSIC PLAYING]
58
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:51,500
Oh, would you look at this.
59
00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:55,283
Brighton leaves a half-eaten
3Musketeers bar in his pants.
60
00:02:55,316 --> 00:02:57,830
I love him.
61
00:02:59,433 --> 00:03:04,166
I can tell you,
your mother never left
any food in her pockets.
62
00:03:05,233 --> 00:03:09,283
Although, I once
found a chicken carcass.
63
00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:13,366
[PLAYING SOUR NOTES]
64
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,160
- [APPLAUDING]
- Oh, God.
65
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,350
Beautiful.
66
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,116
Thank you.
67
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,316
No wonder the joint is empty.
68
00:03:30,216 --> 00:03:34,100
Oh, Yetta, and to what
do we owe the pleasure?
69
00:03:34,133 --> 00:03:37,660
Sylvia told me
to meet her for lunch.
70
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,483
I assumed here.
71
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:43,183
Ms. Fine, I have an important
meeting tonight
72
00:03:43,216 --> 00:03:45,400
so I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to reschedule family night.
73
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,000
Reschedule?
74
00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:53,233
But this is when you were
gonna spend quality time
with me and the kids.
75
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,216
Don't you remember
dinner and a romantic
carriage ride
76
00:03:56,250 --> 00:03:59,466
after we dumped the kids
at the movies?
77
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,450
Well, uh, listen, why don't
you take them somewhere?
78
00:04:02,483 --> 00:04:05,266
There you go. I'm sure you'll
all have a wonderful time.
79
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:08,160
You're spending less and less
time with the kids
80
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,233
and they need
a masculine influence.
81
00:04:10,266 --> 00:04:13,200
I'll go.
I don't have any estrogen.
82
00:04:15,116 --> 00:04:17,200
I'm sorry, but I just
think that it's important
83
00:04:17,233 --> 00:04:19,483
that parents spend time
with their children.
84
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,333
They should talk to them
and take them shopping
85
00:04:22,366 --> 00:04:26,500
and visit them all the time,
and eat them out of house
and home
86
00:04:26,830 --> 00:04:28,400
and nag them about
not being married.
87
00:04:28,433 --> 00:04:30,383
When is Ma moving to Boca?
88
00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:35,116
- [DOORBELL CHIMES]
- Oh, I'll get it!
89
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,283
Oh, hi, Ma.
90
00:04:39,316 --> 00:04:42,133
Fran, I'm sorry
I'm late picking up Yetta.
91
00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:43,366
I was at the gym.
92
00:04:46,183 --> 00:04:50,133
- When did you join a gym?
- When they put in a muffin
bar.
93
00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:55,450
Ma, you know,
when they say do 100 crunches,
94
00:04:55,483 --> 00:04:58,660
they don't mean Nestlés.
95
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,266
Oh, hi, sweetie.
96
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,150
Baby, stop scratching
your head like that.
97
00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:05,000
People are gonna
think you've got lice.
98
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:07,266
I do. They sent me
home from school.
99
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:10,000
Oh, my God!
100
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:11,150
[GASPS, SHRIEKS]
101
00:05:11,183 --> 00:05:15,450
It's a lice epidemic
at your $14,000-a-year school.
102
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,316
Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!
103
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,266
Vermin, they give you,
but you still gotta bring
your own juice.
104
00:05:22,216 --> 00:05:23,433
You better be careful.
105
00:05:23,466 --> 00:05:26,383
Your father got lice
from his poker cronies.
106
00:05:26,416 --> 00:05:29,450
Fortunately, I just
threw his hair out.
107
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,416
Oh, Ma, this doesn't reflect
well on me at all.
108
00:05:36,450 --> 00:05:39,216
I mean, how can I not know this?
109
00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:42,316
I'm the closest person
in the world to these kids.
110
00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:45,383
- Fran, it itches--
- That's close enough.
Bugs jump.
111
00:05:47,283 --> 00:05:50,400
[MUSIC PLAYING]
112
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:54,330
Okay, kids, you heard the
doctor. We've all got lice.
113
00:05:56,116 --> 00:05:59,283
Take off your sheets and
pillow
cases. We gotta boil them.
114
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:03,150
- Well, you want me
to get yours?
- No, mine has to be burned.
115
00:06:03,183 --> 00:06:05,416
I want that gorgeous
Bill Blass comforter set.
116
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:11,160
Well, isn't it amazing?
117
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:16,000
The doctor confirmed that all
three of your children have
lice
and me.
118
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:19,216
But you don't.
Now, what does that say to you?
119
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:23,366
It says, "Welcome to the Four
Seasons, Maui, Mr. Sheffield."
120
00:06:27,183 --> 00:06:31,133
No. It says you don't spend
enough time at home.
121
00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:33,300
If you cared
about your children,
122
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:36,160
you'd be covered
in lice like I am.
123
00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:41,333
How did they penetrate
six layers of Final Net?
124
00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:46,183
It's like a biosphere up there.
125
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:51,166
Ms. Fine, the reason
I'm not with my children
126
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,300
is that I happen
to work very hard.
127
00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:56,316
You don't see me lounging
around the house in my
underwear.
128
00:06:56,350 --> 00:07:00,660
And would it kill you
to give it a shot?
129
00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:06,166
You know, my father
was a butler for 44 years
130
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,450
and I don't remember him
doing any of this crap.
131
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:14,250
Wait a minute, you dropped this.
132
00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:19,150
Oh, "Secure alibi,
cut phone line
133
00:07:19,183 --> 00:07:22,133
put on gloves, tape mouth...
134
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,450
clean up blood,
dispose of evidence...
135
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,500
pick up bananas"?
136
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,183
Niles, what's with this
cockamamie list?
137
00:07:35,216 --> 00:07:38,383
Oh, give me that.
You didn't read it, did you?
138
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:42,250
Oh... well, suppose for
argument's sake I did,
139
00:07:42,283 --> 00:07:43,266
what would you do?
140
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,183
Ms. Fine, this is very private.
141
00:07:45,216 --> 00:07:49,500
And if you read it, I would
be
very, very upset with you.
142
00:07:54,483 --> 00:07:57,116
Well, that's why I didn't
read it. Bye-bye.
143
00:07:58,416 --> 00:08:02,830
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
144
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:09,166
I'll tell you, Val,
when I saw that list,
145
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,830
I just got chills up my spine.
146
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:15,116
Well, Fran, your
suspicions are valid.
147
00:08:15,150 --> 00:08:17,300
Obviously, his
schizophrenic tendencies
148
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:21,100
are about to manifest
themselves
in a homicidal rage.
149
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:24,330
Yeah, but what
about the bananas?
150
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:30,330
Well, I'm no expert,
151
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,500
but I'm thinking... a pie.
152
00:08:38,266 --> 00:08:39,400
Excuse me.
153
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,350
I called earlier
about picking up
154
00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:44,316
the special shampoos.
155
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:47,183
The name's Fran Fine.
156
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:50,160
[OVER INTERCOM]
Hey, Rick, Fran Fine's here
157
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,160
for her head lice shampoo.
158
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:55,400
Oh, here it is.
159
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:59,330
"Fran Fine.
Kills lice, ticks,
fleas--"
160
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:00,466
Shhh!
161
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:12,233
Look at this. I'm getting
attitude from a man holding
a Fleet enema?
162
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,133
I'm telling you, Fran,
Niles fits the profile.
163
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:21,300
Serial killers usually
have menial jobs,
164
00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:23,216
no long-term relationships
165
00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:26,160
and deep-seated issues
with their mother.
166
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,400
[GASPS]
167
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:32,200
No. Wait, wait.
They usually have high IQs.
168
00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,500
- Oh, Val--
- Oh, God....
169
00:09:34,830 --> 00:09:36,160
I'm with you.
170
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:41,160
Okay. Okay. Let's see.
171
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,350
Most serial killers
have three names.
172
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:48,660
John Wayne Gacy,
Richard Alan Speck, Son of Sam.
173
00:09:50,316 --> 00:09:53,333
Oh, Val, what are we
talking about here?
174
00:09:53,366 --> 00:09:56,316
We're not dealing
with some sicko stranger.
175
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:59,416
- Yeah.
- It's Niles.
I know him very well.
176
00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:03,283
I stand behind Mr. Niles...
177
00:10:04,266 --> 00:10:06,150
- ...the killer.
- [GASPS]
178
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:10,366
Fran, I cannot believe
that you have lived
179
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,300
in the same house
with Niles for four years
180
00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:14,233
and you know nothing
about him.
181
00:10:14,266 --> 00:10:17,250
Have you ever even been
in his bedroom?
182
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,000
Val, that wasn't the bedroom
183
00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:21,330
I was concentrating
on getting into.
184
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:22,166
Oh, yeah.
185
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,200
[MUSIC PLAYING]
186
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:36,366
Oh, Niles's room is so....
187
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,133
so small and depressing.
188
00:10:40,483 --> 00:10:43,216
No wonder he's always
walking past your room
189
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,466
and looking in, he's envious.
190
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,350
No, he's horny.
191
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:54,250
Come on, we gotta find
some incriminating evidence.
192
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,500
- [GASPS]
- What?
193
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:00,483
Look at this. Duct tape.
194
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:04,830
Oh, wait a minute.
He's not Jewish.
195
00:11:04,116 --> 00:11:05,266
He knows how
to fix things.
196
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:06,433
Yeah.
197
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,483
- [PHONE RINGS]
- BOTH: Oooh!
198
00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:15,330
Hey, this is Niles.
199
00:11:15,660 --> 00:11:18,500
Leave me a message
and I'll call you back.
Ciao.
200
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,266
[BEEPS]
201
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,466
MAN:It's Jim from the morgue,
returning your call.
202
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,366
In answer to your question,
it takes 24 hours for rigor
mortis to set in.
203
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,500
- [LINE CLICKS]
- [DIAL TONE]
204
00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:33,366
Oh, my God, what does he
need to know that for?
205
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:37,500
Maybe it's to bake
a banana pie, Val.
206
00:11:43,116 --> 00:11:45,366
- [SCREAMS]
- What? What?
207
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,160
His closet's twice
as big as mine!
208
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:55,316
Look at this. He wears
the same thing every day.
209
00:11:56,266 --> 00:11:58,000
He's like Fred Flintstone.
210
00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:00,383
- NILES: I'll be
right there, sir.
- [BOTH GASP]
211
00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:03,160
I'm just getting my coat!
212
00:12:07,150 --> 00:12:10,216
So I can trudge six blocks
through snow and sludge
213
00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:14,330
because you had a craving
for bloody string cheese.
214
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,183
[MUSIC PLAYING]
215
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:37,250
You know, Nanny Fine,
I always suspected
216
00:12:37,283 --> 00:12:39,450
you studied child care
with Dian Fossey.
217
00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:47,660
Yeah, honey, I think
the tar shampoo took care
of all of the lice.
218
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,250
[SNIFFS] And it smells
so nice and fresh too,
219
00:12:49,283 --> 00:12:51,116
like a newly filled pothole.
220
00:12:52,183 --> 00:12:53,333
- Thanks, Fran.
- Love you.
221
00:12:53,366 --> 00:12:55,333
- Oh, look at this.
- What?
222
00:12:55,366 --> 00:12:58,250
No coffee.
Where the heck is Rubbermaid?
223
00:12:58,283 --> 00:13:00,330
Shh!
224
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:05,150
Ms. Babcock, don't
antagonize him.
He's on the edge.
225
00:13:05,183 --> 00:13:07,160
Good. How can we
get him to jump?
226
00:13:08,383 --> 00:13:13,283
Ms. Babcock, I'm serious.
He hasn't been himself.
227
00:13:13,316 --> 00:13:17,316
He's acting very weird,
strange.
Haven't you noticed?
228
00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:20,350
There's not one toilet bowl
in this entire house
229
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,660
with blue water in it.
230
00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:28,150
You know, Nanny Fine,
listening
to you talk about Niles
231
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:31,133
makes me just want to hit my
head against a brick wall.
232
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:39,366
Ms. Babcock, you know,
I am not going to tell
you what I know
233
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,183
if you're not
a little bit nicer to me.
234
00:13:42,216 --> 00:13:45,000
- Oh, buzz off.
- That's close enough.
235
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:52,266
I think Niles might be
a murderer.
236
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:56,500
Nanny Fine,
Niles would never kill
anyone.
237
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:58,183
Because then he'd make a mess
and he'd have to clean it up.
238
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:02,333
I'm serious.
I read the list.
239
00:14:02,366 --> 00:14:06,100
It had gloves,
wire cutters, blood and....
240
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:09,316
You bake it in a nine-inch
pan
at 300 degrees
241
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,330
and you got yourself
a gorgeous kugel.
242
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:12,183
Ms. Fine.
243
00:14:13,466 --> 00:14:16,166
Miss Fine,
what were you doing in my room?
244
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,400
Um, what makes you think
I was in your room?
245
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,283
[MUSIC PLAYING]
246
00:14:33,830 --> 00:14:34,400
Oh, I gotta tell Mr. Sheffield.
247
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,400
Out of my way!
Dead man walking!
248
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:42,330
Oh, my God,
this is all so surreal.
249
00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:43,266
How am I gonna tell him?
250
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,116
I'll just have to lay the
whole
thing out in black and white.
251
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:49,450
[SULTRY JAZZ PLAYING]
252
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,116
Oh, boss, thank God,
you're here.
253
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:02,660
[IN CARY GRANT ACCENT]
Hello, monkey face.
How's tricks?
254
00:15:04,233 --> 00:15:06,450
Well, you look frightened.
Whatever's the matter?
255
00:15:06,483 --> 00:15:11,330
Oh, for one thing,
there's no venetian
blinds in here.
256
00:15:12,316 --> 00:15:14,183
I'll have the butler
fix you a highball.
257
00:15:14,216 --> 00:15:16,266
No, no.
Not the butler.
258
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,500
I think our butler's
trying to ice me.
259
00:15:19,383 --> 00:15:21,660
Our?
260
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:25,150
Ours, yours, don't mince words
with me now, you chump.
261
00:15:29,183 --> 00:15:32,200
He's trying to kill me.
I think he poisoned me.
262
00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:35,330
I'm seeing spots
in front of my eyes.
263
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:47,383
Well, maybe he's not
poisoning me,
264
00:15:47,416 --> 00:15:51,150
but I want him out of the
house
I tell you, out of the house.
265
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:54,383
Darling, I've known
the butler 30 years.
266
00:15:54,416 --> 00:15:57,100
We've had many
gay times together.
267
00:15:58,183 --> 00:16:00,383
Shared a fag
or two between us.
268
00:16:03,116 --> 00:16:06,450
And I can tell you,
if there was anything queer
about him, I'd know it.
269
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:14,000
In other words, you had some
fun, smoked a few cigarettes
270
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:15,433
and there's nothing strange
about him?
271
00:16:15,466 --> 00:16:18,316
- Of course.
- Just making sure.
272
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:26,233
Oh, you think I'm ready
for the looney bin, don't
you?
273
00:16:26,266 --> 00:16:28,416
The booby hatch,
the rubber room.
274
00:16:28,450 --> 00:16:31,830
Don't ya? Don't ya?
275
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,333
[SOBBING]
276
00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:36,266
Frankly, darling, yes.
277
00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:40,100
And I find it very
disconcerting.
278
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,316
I was thinking of asking you
to be my wife.
279
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:45,283
But I could never marry someone
I thought was insane.
280
00:16:48,366 --> 00:16:51,150
No sense opening up
that can of worms.
281
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:56,660
[MUSIC PLAYING]
282
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,416
[THUNDER CRASHING]
283
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:02,500
Oh, Val, Val, he's not
gonna try anything with
a house full of people.
284
00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:06,000
I mean, what's he gonna do,
sneak up behind me and grab me?
285
00:17:06,330 --> 00:17:08,366
Oh, let's stop talking
about Mr. Sheffield already.
286
00:17:11,266 --> 00:17:15,160
Niles knows we were in his room.
287
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,350
- [THUNDER RUMBLING]
- Val?
288
00:17:17,383 --> 00:17:19,183
Val?
289
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:20,366
Oy.
290
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,160
Boo!
291
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:35,250
Well, I sort of had that coming.
292
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:40,000
Ms. Fine, I've been
thinking about what you said
293
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:41,150
and you're absolutely right.
294
00:17:41,183 --> 00:17:44,100
I do need to spend more time
alone with the children.
295
00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:46,500
Oh, that's great, Mr. Sheffield,
296
00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:48,500
because, you know,
children really need
297
00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:49,316
the attention of their father.
298
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:51,233
So you and Niles have the house
to yourselves tonight.
299
00:17:51,266 --> 00:17:54,150
- I'm taking them out.
- Oh, you're smothering them!
300
00:17:55,433 --> 00:17:57,483
You are gonna turn them
into wimps, mister.
301
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,383
What are you talking about?
This was your idea.
302
00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:03,830
Need I say more?
303
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:07,133
Ms. Fine, I have cleared
my entire evening to bond
with my children.
304
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:10,330
Now move it!
We're going for seafood!
305
00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:12,450
- We're going for lobster.
- Here we go. Great.
306
00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:14,450
- Bye.
- Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
307
00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:17,250
I don't care if you do think
I'm insane. I'm coming with
you.
308
00:18:17,283 --> 00:18:19,133
I believe Niles is a murderer.
309
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:23,330
And if you leave me alone here,
I'm in danger of being killed.
310
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:26,333
Is there anything you
wouldn't
do for a four-pound
lobster?
311
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,250
I don't care what you say.
I'm going with you.
312
00:18:31,283 --> 00:18:34,133
There is no way you are
leaving me alone with that man
313
00:18:34,166 --> 00:18:36,466
- because it's just too...
- [DOOR SHUTS]
314
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,216
[THUNDER CRASHES]
315
00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:41,150
You're not going anywhere,
are you?
316
00:18:41,183 --> 00:18:43,000
No. What makes
you say that?
317
00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:46,000
I'm glad we're alone.
318
00:18:46,330 --> 00:18:48,266
Oh, yeah. You, me
and that piercing voice
319
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,466
that carries to the neighbors.
320
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,350
- Miss Fine, I know you know.
- Nothing, I know nothing.
321
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,350
Oh, Ms. Fine, you found my list.
322
00:18:56,383 --> 00:18:58,500
You went into my closet.
323
00:18:58,830 --> 00:18:59,350
It's obvious you figured it out.
324
00:18:59,383 --> 00:19:03,000
Oh! Ooh, look at this.
Texas has the death penalty.
325
00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:05,250
Boy, they're frying them
like chickens down there.
326
00:19:07,830 --> 00:19:10,500
So you are going
to be my first victim.
327
00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:12,133
Who knows? If tonight
goes really well,
328
00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:14,500
you might be
the first of many.
329
00:19:14,830 --> 00:19:17,116
I think I finally found
my true calling.
330
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:19,830
Oh, but you make
a great cheesecake.
331
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,400
I say stick
with what you know.
332
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:23,166
[THUNDERCLAP]
333
00:19:25,183 --> 00:19:28,500
Ms. Fine? Ms. Fine?
334
00:19:28,830 --> 00:19:30,300
[SCREAMING]
335
00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:33,200
[THUDDING]
336
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:37,150
[MUSIC PLAYING]
337
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,450
Oh, Ms. Fine, Ms. Fine,
please wake up.
338
00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:44,330
Why is she acting like
such a lunatic?
339
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,216
Well, have you gotten
a load of the birth mother?
340
00:19:48,383 --> 00:19:51,333
She thinks you're a killer.
She even thought you were
trying to kill me.
341
00:19:51,366 --> 00:19:53,450
Oh, I wouldn't dream
of touching you,
342
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,350
like any other normal man.
343
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,483
- Oh, Ms. Fine.
- Stay away from me.
344
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,116
Oh, Ms. Fine,
I'm not a murderer.
345
00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:04,383
All I did was write a play.
346
00:20:04,416 --> 00:20:06,150
I was going to ask you
to read it.
347
00:20:06,183 --> 00:20:09,233
Oh, please,
you expect me to believe that?
348
00:20:09,266 --> 00:20:13,383
I read the list.
You explain "secure alibi."
349
00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:15,383
- That was the title.
- Why'd you call the morgue?
350
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:18,166
- I was doing research.
- Well, what about the bananas?
351
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,483
I was making a pie!
352
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,100
Well, where is it?
353
00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:26,400
Your mother was here.
354
00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:30,466
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
355
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,333
Boy, I see everything
so clearly now.
356
00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,316
- [CHUCKLES]
- How could I be such a yenta?
357
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:37,500
Meanwhile, what was that
magazineS&M
358
00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:39,266
Oh, Ms. Fine, that is a
professional publication
359
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:42,183
for butlers,
sweeping and mopping?
360
00:20:42,216 --> 00:20:44,166
Oh. [LAUGHS]
361
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,450
Now that we're friends again,
362
00:20:45,483 --> 00:20:47,316
I would be honored
if you read my play.
363
00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:49,416
After all, you were
the inspiration.
364
00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:52,200
Oh, you mean
my newfound independence
365
00:20:52,233 --> 00:20:54,350
gave you the confidence
to try something new?
366
00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:57,250
Well, that and the main
character is driven to madness
367
00:20:57,283 --> 00:20:59,283
by unrequited love
for her employer,
368
00:20:59,316 --> 00:21:01,450
for whom she gives up her
youth and beauty.
369
00:21:04,183 --> 00:21:08,383
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
what are you doing
home so early?
370
00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:12,366
Well, unfortunately,
some uninvited pests
joined us for dinner.
371
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,316
Oh, you ran into my parents?
372
00:21:15,283 --> 00:21:17,216
No. Lice.
373
00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:20,150
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
374
00:21:20,183 --> 00:21:21,483
you've got lice.
375
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,316
Mazel tov.
376
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:27,450
That means you've really bonded
with your children.
377
00:21:27,483 --> 00:21:30,266
Dad, we're starving.
Can't we at least order a
pizza?
378
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:33,233
Sweetie, your father
promised you lobster
379
00:21:33,266 --> 00:21:35,166
and lobster you shall have,
380
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,216
even if I've gotta take you
for it myself.
381
00:21:39,450 --> 00:21:41,366
No, that's okay.
Pizza's fine.
382
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,466
Honey, we don't wanna insult
your father. Let's go, let's
go.
383
00:21:45,416 --> 00:21:47,116
Sure you don't wanna come?
384
00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:49,660
Ms. Fine, I've got lice.
It itches like mad.
385
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,333
I've just got home. Why on
earth
would I want to go back out?
386
00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:57,160
[QUIETLY] Because Niles
wrote a play.
387
00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,266
After you.
388
00:22:03,830 --> 00:22:08,830
You know, Niles, this heroine
that you loosely based off of
me, I'm not seeing it.
389
00:22:08,116 --> 00:22:10,250
Well, why?
She's exactly like you.
390
00:22:10,283 --> 00:22:14,316
New Yorker, street smart,
brunette, 24 years old....
391
00:22:14,350 --> 00:22:15,450
Seeing it.
392
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,316
Isn't it time to pick up
Yetta at the amusement park?
393
00:22:21,350 --> 00:22:24,100
Oh, let her have
a few more rides.
394
00:22:24,133 --> 00:22:26,216
Whee!
395
00:22:27,233 --> 00:22:29,250
[MUSIC PLAYING]
396
00:22:36,183 --> 00:22:38,216
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]