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00:00:01,316 --> 00:00:05,250
[MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:05,283 --> 00:00:09,500
"Miracle soap washes away fat.
3
00:00:11,150 --> 00:00:15,366
Shower and shed pounds
at the same time."
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00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,100
Wow, Ma, that's perfect for you.
5
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:21,233
You can use a bar of Dove
to get rid of your Dove Bar.
6
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,450
Ladies, tell me, what could
be
better than my new play
7
00:00:26,483 --> 00:00:30,216
being nominated
for a Tony award?
8
00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:33,830
Your face on my grandchild.
9
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:36,160
No. No, seriously, Sylvia,
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00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,183
I've been nominated
for five Tonys.
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00:00:38,216 --> 00:00:40,450
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm so--
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- Am I coming too?
- Of course.
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--happy for you.
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So, what is the play about?
15
00:00:47,233 --> 00:00:48,483
"The Widower"?
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Well, it's about a man
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00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:52,133
who loses the love of his life
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00:00:52,166 --> 00:00:54,216
and vows never to love again.
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00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:57,233
So he foregoes
any chance to remarry
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00:00:57,266 --> 00:01:00,233
and remains a widower
till the day he dies.
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00:01:00,266 --> 00:01:02,416
Sounds very poignant.
22
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,160
You need a house
to fall on you?
23
00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:14,660
Ma, it's a beautiful love story.
24
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:16,400
Not even the gorgeous governess
in the third act
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00:01:16,433 --> 00:01:18,266
could turn the widower's head.
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00:01:19,316 --> 00:01:21,150
I don't know
what happened after that.
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I was sobbing too violently.
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So where are the children?
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I sent Niles
to tell them I got five.
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They're not coming down
until they know
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00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:33,333
how many
Andrew Lloyd Webber got.
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00:01:33,366 --> 00:01:35,830
Oh, good Lord.
33
00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:39,660
They really think
I'm that childish?
34
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,266
Two.
35
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:44,200
I got five. He's got two.
I got five. He's got two.
36
00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:46,350
- I'm so happy for you, Dad.
- It's so great.
37
00:01:46,383 --> 00:01:49,500
- Are we gonna go
to the Tony Awards?
- Yeah.
38
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:53,216
Maxwell, why are you in here,
hugging children?
39
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:56,483
We gotta get out there
and turn it on for the
judges.
40
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,233
Now, what would
I look really great in?
41
00:01:59,266 --> 00:02:02,283
A sealed mausoleum.
42
00:02:02,316 --> 00:02:06,316
Kids, kids, I'm so excited.
The Tonys get so many stars.
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00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:08,416
Oh, I know.
44
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:12,200
Too many nominations scare me.
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00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:15,500
Can you imagine
how embarrassing it would be
46
00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:17,660
to be up for five awards
47
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:19,233
and not even win one?
48
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:30,216
You know, next time you kvetch
about my therapy bills
49
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,830
would you remember this moment?
50
00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:39,250
♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
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00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,500
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
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00:02:41,830 --> 00:02:42,333
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
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♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
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♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
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00:02:47,316 --> 00:02:50,166
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪
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00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,000
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪
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00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,330
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
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00:02:55,660 --> 00:02:58,450
♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪
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♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪
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00:03:01,416 --> 00:03:04,100
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
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00:03:04,133 --> 00:03:05,383
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
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00:03:05,416 --> 00:03:07,830
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
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00:03:07,116 --> 00:03:08,183
♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪
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00:03:08,216 --> 00:03:09,350
♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪
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00:03:09,383 --> 00:03:11,500
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
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00:03:11,830 --> 00:03:14,266
♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪
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00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,830
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
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00:03:17,116 --> 00:03:19,330
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
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00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:23,216
[MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:03:28,366 --> 00:03:30,830
Fran, don't look,
but I think that's Liza
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00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:31,400
coming down the row
in front of us.
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00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:34,150
I probably
shouldn't have said that.
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00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:36,316
Oh, hello, Miss Minnelli.
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00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,166
Velkommen.
Welcome.
75
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- [LIZA GASPS]
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
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00:03:40,216 --> 00:03:41,433
That was terrible.
Here we go.
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00:03:41,466 --> 00:03:43,233
One more time.
Oh, okay, okay.
78
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,330
All right. Keep moving, honey.
We can't see.
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00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:46,266
Miss-- Miss Fine!
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00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,350
You know what?
I'm out of control.
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00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:50,233
Here, take the camera from me.
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00:03:53,216 --> 00:03:56,830
All right. This is it.
If they start to shoot our
row
83
00:03:56,116 --> 00:03:57,283
I don't want anyone making
rabbit ears
84
00:03:57,316 --> 00:04:00,660
behind anyone else's heads.
Just behave yourselves.
85
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,416
- When did I ever do that?
- I wasn't speaking to you.
86
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:05,133
One time
at the Angela Lansbury roast.
87
00:04:05,166 --> 00:04:07,160
Would you let it go?
88
00:04:08,466 --> 00:04:12,160
Okay. Now, you know, Andrew
Lloyd Webber won two awards.
89
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:14,366
You've won two awards.
He's not up for anything
else.
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00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,416
You're not gonna hear
his name again.
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00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:19,216
MALE HOST: Now, to present
the nominees for best play:
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00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,166
Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.
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00:04:28,483 --> 00:04:30,116
SIR ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER:
The nominees are:
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00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:33,300
"Saint Thomas,"
Martin Brig, producer.
95
00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:37,150
"Flight of the June Bird,"
Marilyn Schank, producer.
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00:04:37,183 --> 00:04:40,450
And "The Widower," Ma--
[CLEARS THROAT]
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00:04:40,483 --> 00:04:43,200
Ma--
[COUGHS]
98
00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:45,333
Ma-- Pardon me.
I'm so sorry.
99
00:04:45,366 --> 00:04:47,330
[COUGHS]
100
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:49,350
Maxwell Sheffield,
you little twit!
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00:04:54,216 --> 00:04:58,366
ANDREW:
And the award goes to:
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00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,116
"The Widower,"
Maxwell Sheffield, producer.
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00:05:06,266 --> 00:05:08,100
Excuse me.
104
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:12,150
Excuse me. I co-produced.
I raised money.
105
00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:14,350
Oh, I'm sorry.
106
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Nanny Fine, get off me!
107
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Sorry.
108
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
109
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Do you think you could possibly
manage a smile for the reporters
110
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:35,433
so they don't think my butler
is a criminal on work
furlough?
111
00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:39,266
Go like this:
112
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,660
Forgive me, sir.
113
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:44,330
But try to see your winning
an award from my point of
view.
114
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:46,383
You say,
"Welcome to my party, Senator."
115
00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:50,400
And I say,
"The little ones are cheese."
116
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,500
That's your job.
I pay you overtime, don't I?
117
00:05:53,830 --> 00:05:54,450
- What more do you want?
- Look up.
118
00:05:56,266 --> 00:05:59,200
You gathered the family around
for photos backstage
119
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,133
then make me stand behind you
120
00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:04,283
and pull your jacket in
to give you a V shape.
121
00:06:04,316 --> 00:06:06,250
Good Lord.
122
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,330
Crinkle your forehead.
123
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,250
Just for once, just once,
124
00:06:09,283 --> 00:06:11,216
I wish you'd behave
like a normal but--
125
00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:14,660
What the hell are you doing?
126
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,483
Are you insane?
127
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,433
Would you trust me?
128
00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:21,166
You've got that whole pasty,
Hugh Grant,
129
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,366
I-need-a-week-in-Miami look.
130
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,366
Maxwell, the reporters are here.
131
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,150
Nanny Fine, I need something
at your mother's house.
132
00:06:29,183 --> 00:06:30,316
- Oh, what?
- You.
133
00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:31,450
Oh!
134
00:06:33,133 --> 00:06:38,216
Did you know that
we are booked through '99?
135
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:42,166
That grieving widower speech
of yours was a gold mine.
136
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,216
C.C., I was speaking
from the heart.
137
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:47,433
- All those years--
- Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
138
00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:50,166
Handy Wipe, I want you
to some scoop ashes
139
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,466
out of the fireplace
and put them in here.
140
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,450
We'll plop it on your desk
and say it's Sara
141
00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:58,000
always near you, yada yada.
142
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:04,266
C.C., I will not pass off
Duraflame residue
143
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,266
as the mother of my children.
144
00:07:08,116 --> 00:07:10,116
Maxwell, I never noticed
145
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:13,400
how long and luxurious
your lashes are.
146
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:17,160
Just send in
the reporters, would you?
147
00:07:19,350 --> 00:07:21,200
All right, Niles, how do I look?
148
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:24,500
Well, you really should
switch to the waterproof.
149
00:07:24,830 --> 00:07:25,383
Oh, just knock it off.
150
00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:28,416
Ladies, gentlemen,
please, come this way.
151
00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:32,200
Maxwell, congratulations.
"The Widower" is a hit.
152
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:34,366
Do you think the play's
touched a lot of people
153
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,400
because it's the true story
of you and your wife?
154
00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,300
Well, I think people like to
see
a play they can relate to.
155
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,116
The widower hasn't been
with a woman
156
00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:42,250
since the death of his wife.
157
00:07:42,283 --> 00:07:44,233
Are you expecting us to
believe
that's true of you?
158
00:07:44,266 --> 00:07:47,330
A guy like you,
with those lashes?
159
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,400
Let's just say I think
160
00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:53,830
my memories will last me
a long time.
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00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:57,830
[DEEP VOICE]
Are you telling me
you never plan to remarry?
162
00:07:58,366 --> 00:08:00,660
Well, now, that depends.
163
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,450
Of course,
if the right woman were to--
164
00:08:01,483 --> 00:08:04,283
Miss Fine!
165
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:07,116
Ignore her.
She is just the nanny.
166
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:10,660
Any of you have children?
Because we're letting her go.
167
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,150
- That's your nanny?
- Hi.
168
00:08:13,183 --> 00:08:16,100
I saw you at the Tonys. Nice.
169
00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:19,283
So you took the whole
household.
Hey, how about a picture?
170
00:08:19,316 --> 00:08:21,830
Oh, I don't really think
it's appropriate.
171
00:08:21,116 --> 00:08:22,266
Get me from the left, honey.
172
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:25,333
- Nanny Fine.
- What?
173
00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:27,830
This is a press conference,
174
00:08:27,116 --> 00:08:29,660
not Eva Perón
on the Rainbow Tour.
175
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,183
Oh!
176
00:08:30,216 --> 00:08:33,316
This is Maxwell's moment.
177
00:08:33,350 --> 00:08:35,660
Get out of my light.
178
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,250
[MUSIC PLAYING]
179
00:08:43,830 --> 00:08:45,150
Would you get undressed
and go to bed already?
180
00:08:45,183 --> 00:08:48,000
I could still get a call.
181
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:53,333
It's past midnight.
The cast party's over.
182
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,200
He's not inviting you.
183
00:08:55,233 --> 00:08:56,450
I don't know why not.
184
00:08:56,483 --> 00:09:00,116
I was the inspiration
for the character of the
butler.
185
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:06,183
He was 25 with a blond pompadour
and an impish grin.
186
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:10,400
Well, so was I,
600,000 Brillo pads ago.
187
00:09:14,383 --> 00:09:16,216
Niles, you going somewhere?
188
00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:21,160
Oh, I thought I'd just trot over
to the cast party and clean up.
189
00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:24,416
Oh, stop it.
190
00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:26,250
You can do that in the morning.
191
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:32,350
Now, Miss Fine,
you did understand
192
00:09:32,383 --> 00:09:34,466
this party was for cast
and crew only, right?
193
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,366
I mean, you weren't expecting
to be invited, were you?
194
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,250
No.
195
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:47,233
Margaret? It's a little
late
for you, isn't it?
196
00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:49,183
I'm home. Okay?
So lay off me.
197
00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:51,416
You're like the last person
I have to answer to.
198
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:53,830
Where did that come from?
199
00:09:53,116 --> 00:09:54,466
You get back down here,
young lady.
200
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,483
- MAGGIE: No!
- [DOOR SLAMS]
201
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,100
She's not gonna get away
with speaking to me like
that.
202
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:02,383
Oh, now, wait, wait. Let her
just calm down a little bit.
203
00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:04,450
What do you mean, her calm
down?
What about me?
204
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:06,350
You're just gonna have
to deal with it.
205
00:10:06,383 --> 00:10:10,100
Look, when I hit puberty,
my mother was a size 6.
206
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:13,283
When I hit 18, so did she.
207
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:22,330
Whatever could make her leave
and then come back home
208
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:24,116
with a completely
different personality?
209
00:10:24,150 --> 00:10:26,150
Hey, I don't even
wanna think about it.
210
00:10:26,183 --> 00:10:29,250
Do you read those pamphlets
they send home from school?
211
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:31,433
So what do you think?
212
00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:34,383
Alcohol? Sex?
213
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,300
Not tonight.
214
00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,383
I'm too distracted.
215
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,183
[MUSIC PLAYING]
216
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,150
So, you see, it's really
a typical adolescent
reaction.
217
00:10:57,183 --> 00:10:58,316
Someone else is in the limelight
218
00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:00,333
and they lash out
to get attention.
219
00:11:00,366 --> 00:11:02,400
Yes, I see. I see.
220
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:04,366
So, what would you suggest?
221
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,400
Have you tried
one of those trophies
222
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,416
that says,
"Butler of the Year"?
223
00:11:13,383 --> 00:11:15,150
Okay. I'm here.
224
00:11:15,183 --> 00:11:19,660
Hello, I'm Dr. Miller.
Please, have a seat.
225
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,416
This is a total waste of time.
226
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:26,450
So, Margaret, your family feels
that something's bothering you.
227
00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:32,383
Well, honey, just feel free
to vent your feelings.
228
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:36,150
I mean, nobody's
gonna hold it against you.
229
00:11:36,183 --> 00:11:39,350
Just tell us
what's on your mind.
230
00:11:39,383 --> 00:11:41,416
Okay, I hate him.
231
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,400
That's okay. That's okay.
Don't take it personal.
232
00:11:45,433 --> 00:11:47,383
Just let her express.
233
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,100
I hate you too.
234
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:51,100
Open a window!
235
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:54,116
Open a window! I cannot breathe!
236
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:57,000
Look.
237
00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:59,830
Look, Margaret,
if I've hurt you,
238
00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:00,333
I can't do anything about it
239
00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:03,233
until I know what it is
I'm supposed to have done.
240
00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:05,433
Well, fine.
241
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,233
Here.
242
00:12:07,266 --> 00:12:08,433
[BOTH GASP]
243
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:12,000
"The Nanny
and The Hunk Producer"?
244
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,660
"Broadway's leading
widower keeps
245
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,416
broad on the side for years."
246
00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:22,000
You and Fran had an affair
while Mom was still alive.
247
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:24,200
You even cheated
on your honeymoon.
248
00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,250
Look, the pictures prove it.
249
00:12:26,283 --> 00:12:28,300
Margaret,
you can't believe this.
250
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:30,333
Sweetie, for this to be true,
251
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:32,350
do you know how old
I would have to be?
252
00:12:32,383 --> 00:12:34,233
Yeah, 40.
253
00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:35,316
[GASPS]
254
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:40,150
Oh, my God,
she's doing drugs too.
255
00:12:49,266 --> 00:12:51,330
Well, the good news is
256
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,330
Brighton and Gracie
never even saw
257
00:12:53,660 --> 00:12:55,250
that story in the tabloids.
258
00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:58,183
The bad news is, I didn't know
that and I told them.
259
00:13:00,366 --> 00:13:04,250
But the paper's credibility
was blown by the headline:
260
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,466
"Neighbors Scream Eyesore
261
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,830
as Barbara Eden Moves
Into Giant Bottle."
262
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,400
I don't know where they got
photographs from my honeymoon.
263
00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:16,400
I mean, who would want
to hurt me like this
264
00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:19,330
for a few thousand dollars?
265
00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:23,483
Good heavens.
266
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,133
You got your finger caught
in John Gielgud's fly.
267
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:28,250
Trust me, if I needed money,
268
00:13:28,283 --> 00:13:30,150
I wouldn't have
to make something up.
269
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:34,450
He was King Lear,
I was his dresser.
270
00:13:34,483 --> 00:13:36,183
Did I say a word?
271
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,200
I just wanna hit something.
272
00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:40,483
I mean, doesn't it
drive you crazy
273
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,300
people reading this stuff
and then believing it?
274
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:45,400
Look, they were accusing me
of having an affair
275
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,660
with a married millionaire.
276
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:49,300
In my old neighborhood,
that's a career goal.
277
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:53,483
All you have to do
is worry about Maggie.
278
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,000
What do you care
about the rest of the world?
279
00:13:56,330 --> 00:14:00,500
Nobody but a mindless nutcase
would buy into this junk.
280
00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:01,483
You were having an affair
281
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,660
with Mr. Sheffield
on his honeymoon?
282
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:09,233
And you're still getting
6 bucks an hour?
283
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,483
[MUSIC PLAYING]
284
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,483
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
285
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:17,183
Who is it?
286
00:14:17,216 --> 00:14:20,133
GRACE: It's me.
I'm very upset. I need to
talk.
287
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:27,000
Okay, I'm in, honey.
You can go.
288
00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:28,266
Gracie...
289
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,383
Hey, I can't even get a Happy
Meal by myself. She owns me.
290
00:14:34,366 --> 00:14:36,133
Oh, Fran, I can't believe
291
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,500
you'd use a little girl
to get what you want.
292
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:40,500
And it's not as easy
as it used to be.
293
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,100
She's much bigger
and less compelling.
294
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,116
Sweetie, I gotta get you
to understand--
295
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:49,216
I do understand.
I finally understand why Dad
296
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:52,830
would hire a woman off
a résumé written in
lipstick.
297
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,450
And she's still our nanny,
298
00:14:54,483 --> 00:14:57,133
even though, like,
two of us can drive.
299
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:59,233
Sweetie, these pictures
of your father and I
300
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,483
on the beach
are completely fake.
301
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,250
Prove it.
302
00:15:03,283 --> 00:15:07,216
Look at this. I'm wearing
Clinique Ivory Bisque base.
303
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:11,300
Not patented until 1987. Ha!
304
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:14,200
There's
your smoking gun, sister.
305
00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:18,266
Oh, Fran,
you're wasting your breath.
306
00:15:20,316 --> 00:15:23,366
Maggie, I can't believe
you would actually think I--
307
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,183
I'm capable
of something like this.
308
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:28,160
I'll tell you,
I'm so hurt, I--
309
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,266
I don't think
I could ever forgive you.
310
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:34,416
Well, Fran,
what do you expect me to think?
311
00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:38,383
It's so obvious Dad
is in love with you.
312
00:15:38,416 --> 00:15:40,166
I forgive.
313
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:49,100
Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.
I believe you now.
314
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:50,283
Fran explained everything,
315
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:52,100
about how you told her
you loved her
316
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:53,383
and then took it back.
317
00:15:56,383 --> 00:15:58,183
After, of course, saying
318
00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:00,830
she's the most beautiful woman
in the world,
319
00:16:00,116 --> 00:16:02,366
and that you can't live
another day without her.
320
00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,483
Well, did you want
your daughter back or not?
321
00:16:12,366 --> 00:16:15,160
Well, Maxwell,
this is dreadful.
322
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:16,100
No, no, C.C., it's all right.
323
00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:17,350
The children understand
it's a lie.
324
00:16:17,383 --> 00:16:19,133
Well, Margaret was upset.
325
00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:21,300
I don't give a rat's butt
about them.
326
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:25,000
Ticket sales came
to a screeching halt
327
00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:27,133
- because of this rag.
- Well...
328
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:30,483
"Broadway's grieving widower
can't keep his pants on"?
329
00:16:32,330 --> 00:16:33,500
[GASPS]
330
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:36,216
I look unbelievable
in this shot.
331
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,660
Oh, this is too much.
This-- Does this journalist
332
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,660
have any idea what he's doing
to people's lives?
333
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,160
I'm going right down there now.
334
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:46,483
What are you gonna do?
Punch him out?
335
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,450
Violence never solves
anything.
336
00:16:48,483 --> 00:16:51,150
What do you care
what the whole world thinks?
337
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:54,366
"Forty-year-old nanny"?!
I want his blood!
338
00:16:56,000 --> 00:17:00,500
[MUSIC PLAYING]
339
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,216
You!
340
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,150
How can you hurt someone
like this?
341
00:17:07,183 --> 00:17:09,333
How can you destroy
someone's reputation?
342
00:17:09,366 --> 00:17:11,300
Yeah, 40?
343
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,660
Where do you come up
with this garbage?
344
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,500
I do a lot of research.
See that?
345
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:21,350
Apple Bears Amazing
Resemblance
to Late Funnyman, Redd Foxx.
346
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,450
Do you have any idea
how much pain
347
00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:28,166
- you've caused
me and my family?
- Yes.
348
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,366
- Don't you care who you hurt?
- No.
349
00:17:32,433 --> 00:17:34,350
Look, I'm warning you,
if you don't stop
350
00:17:34,383 --> 00:17:36,830
this scurrilous assault
right now,
351
00:17:36,116 --> 00:17:37,216
you'll be hearing
from my lawyer.
352
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:39,233
Oh, jeez,
I've never been sued before.
353
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,383
I'm scared.
354
00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:45,330
Come on, Miss Fine, this man
obviously has no conscience
355
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:46,350
- or remorse. Let's go.
- Yeah.
356
00:17:46,383 --> 00:17:48,166
Hey, pal, look,
I'm not forcing
357
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,830
6-year-old Malaysians
to make sequined jackets.
358
00:17:51,116 --> 00:17:53,183
I write for a tabloid.
359
00:17:53,216 --> 00:17:56,266
I make up stuff
only an idiot would believe.
360
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:59,450
John-John's getting a divorce?
361
00:17:59,483 --> 00:18:01,366
Miss Fine.
362
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,283
Oh, sorry.
363
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,466
Look, I'm sorry
if I hurt your kids.
364
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:10,333
I'll never write
about either one of you again.
365
00:18:10,366 --> 00:18:12,500
Well, thank you.
366
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,266
You see, you gotta open up
a mouth in this world.
367
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:18,233
We appealed to his decency
and convinced him to stop.
368
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:20,200
Well, that and the fact
it was the worst-selling
issue
369
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,383
in five years.
370
00:18:22,466 --> 00:18:25,250
It serves him-- What?
371
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,160
Laid there like a lox.
372
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,233
Are you telling me
373
00:18:32,266 --> 00:18:34,300
that the hunk producer
and the naughty nanny
374
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:37,200
didn't fly off the stands?
375
00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:39,330
Stinko. A bomb.
376
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,366
We were embarrassed.
377
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:45,316
We're going back to Princess
Di.
She sells beautiful.
378
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:49,350
I don't understand why no one
wanted to read about us.
379
00:18:49,383 --> 00:18:51,100
Oh, you don't know
how to market us.
380
00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:52,266
That's your problem, mister.
381
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:55,166
You gotta appeal
to the younger demographic.
382
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,266
It was the 40 that killed us.
383
00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:02,160
Hey, guys, it's over.
You're dullsville.
384
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,400
Dullsville?
385
00:19:04,483 --> 00:19:06,283
You wanna see hot?
386
00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:09,100
You wanna see steamy?
387
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:12,500
Get over here, Naughty Nanny.
388
00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:21,133
- Is he looking at us?
- Oh, yeah.
389
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:26,000
Miss Fine, he's
just turned off the light.
390
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:28,416
He's developing the film.
391
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,183
Well, you see, they gave me
this little trophy
392
00:19:39,216 --> 00:19:42,000
that says, "Butler of the Year."
393
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:46,160
It's nice, isn't it?
394
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,333
And I know I should be happy,
395
00:19:47,366 --> 00:19:50,200
but I'm suffering
from tremendous guilt.
396
00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:52,350
Where do you think
that comes from?
397
00:19:53,383 --> 00:19:56,300
I never clean under anything.
398
00:19:59,216 --> 00:20:01,316
I always lie
and say that it's decaf
399
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:04,166
because I don't feel
like making a second pot.
400
00:20:05,433 --> 00:20:10,830
And during prom season,
I drive the limo for extra
cash.
401
00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:15,233
Well, maybe you weren't meant
to be a butler.
402
00:20:15,266 --> 00:20:16,466
I know.
403
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,133
I stink.
404
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,483
I don't deserve
to be his butler.
405
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,500
He's so good to me.
406
00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:25,216
He's even paying
for this session.
407
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,433
I think we're going to have
to talk again about this.
408
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:39,133
Dee Dee, run a TRW
on Maxwell Sheffield.
409
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:55,433
But the paper lost its
credibility by the-- Was--
410
00:20:55,466 --> 00:21:00,250
Okay. I know it. I know.
I know it. I know.
411
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,166
Okay.
412
00:21:03,233 --> 00:21:04,383
Where did that come from?
413
00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:06,300
You get back down here,
young lady!
414
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,166
Oh, no, no...
415
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,283
- MAGGIE: No!
- [DOOR SLAMS]
416
00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:13,400
[LAUGHS]
417
00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:18,300
Well, you wanted to get
your daughter back or-- Or
what?
418
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:20,316
[LAUGHS]
419
00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:23,183
- What's that line?
- WOMAN: Again from the top.
420
00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:25,160
"Broadway's grieving widower
421
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:27,150
can't keep his pants on"?
422
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,183
Oh! Heh.
423
00:21:32,216 --> 00:21:34,330
What do you think
of this, Miss Fine?
424
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:35,116
Let me see.
425
00:21:35,383 --> 00:21:38,333
[MUSIC PLAYING]