1
00:00:01,416 --> 00:00:02,450
I don't know why I applied
to Princeton.
2
00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:05,366
I'll never get
in with my SAT scores.
3
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,330
Honey, you wanna get in,
forget your SAT scores.
4
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,183
Just attach your father's TRW.
5
00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:15,183
Fran, I have to go
to an out-of-town college.
6
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,350
If I stay in this house,
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,316
I'm not gonna have
any social life.
8
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:21,466
Oh, it's the house?
9
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,830
It's amazing.
You win three Tonys
10
00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:29,333
and suddenly everyone's
returning your phone calls.
11
00:00:29,366 --> 00:00:30,400
Miss Fine, you'll never guess
12
00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:32,000
who's agreed
to star in my new show.
13
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:34,150
[GASPS]
Don't tell me it's the woman
14
00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:35,316
that was snubbed by the Academy
15
00:00:35,350 --> 00:00:37,400
for Best Director for the
best
motion picture
16
00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:39,266
ever made, "Yentl"?
17
00:00:41,183 --> 00:00:42,483
Miss Fine, let me
ask you something.
18
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,150
If Barbra Streisand and
your mother were both drowning,
19
00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:47,383
who would you save?
20
00:00:47,416 --> 00:00:50,330
Well, I'd save my mother.
21
00:00:50,660 --> 00:00:52,330
Barbra can walk on water.
22
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:57,660
I give up.
Well, I got Morgan Faulkner.
23
00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:00,183
Oh, my God,
I love Morgan Faulkner.
24
00:01:00,216 --> 00:01:02,660
Morgan Faulkner?
25
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,250
Ha!
26
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:09,433
I went to high school with her
when she was Marcy Feldman.
27
00:01:11,116 --> 00:01:13,366
Well, she happens
to be a great actress.
28
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,660
And one hell of a magician.
29
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:19,000
She made half her nose disappear
between 10th and 11th grade.
30
00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:23,433
Now, you behave yourself.
She'll be here in a few
minutes.
31
00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:25,366
Oh, well, I'm going upstairs.
32
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,350
I can't stand
to be around people
33
00:01:27,383 --> 00:01:29,160
who are ashamed of who they are.
34
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,333
Don't you even want to see her?
35
00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:33,200
And have her find out I'm
a nanny? Have you gone mental?
36
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,100
We were the most popular girls
37
00:01:38,133 --> 00:01:41,316
in high school
and very competitive.
38
00:01:41,350 --> 00:01:44,500
- What happened between you?
- Well, I'm a maid
39
00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:46,466
and she's on the cover of
Elle.
I'd say we have a winner.
40
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,283
[♪♪♪]
41
00:01:51,316 --> 00:01:54,166
♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪
42
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,400
♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪
43
00:01:55,433 --> 00:01:57,150
♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪
44
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,300
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
45
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:02,216
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
46
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:04,383
♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪
47
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:07,366
♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪
48
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,450
♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪
49
00:02:09,483 --> 00:02:13,250
♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪
50
00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:16,233
♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪
51
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,450
♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
52
00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,233
♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪
53
00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:21,433
♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪
54
00:02:21,466 --> 00:02:22,483
♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪
55
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,183
♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪
56
00:02:24,216 --> 00:02:25,383
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
57
00:02:25,416 --> 00:02:29,466
♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪
58
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,433
♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪
59
00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:33,483
♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪
60
00:02:36,350 --> 00:02:40,100
Sylvia has invited us over
for the Jewish holiday.
61
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:42,160
Now, is this the holiday
Miss Fine said
62
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:43,400
you can't eat all day
then stuff yourself,
63
00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:45,366
or the one where you light
candles then stuff yourself,
64
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,150
or the one where you build
a straw hut then stuff
yourself?
65
00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:53,166
I believe it's where you hide
crackers from small children
66
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,450
and then stuff yourself.
67
00:02:56,366 --> 00:02:59,166
Ah. Passover.
68
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,466
You know, Maxwell, I don't
wanna
look a gift horse in the mouth,
but--
69
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,450
Then don't floss in a mirror.
70
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,250
Why is Nanny Fine hiding
from Morgan Faulkner?
71
00:03:11,283 --> 00:03:13,216
Ugh. They were
at high school together
72
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,300
and Miss Fine's
a little embarrassed
73
00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:16,350
about being a nanny.
74
00:03:16,383 --> 00:03:18,300
Oh. What about you?
75
00:03:18,333 --> 00:03:20,366
Aren't you embarrassed
about being a butler?
76
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:24,150
- I don't know Morgan
Faulkner.
- No. I mean, in general.
77
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,160
[DOORBELL RINGS]
78
00:03:32,483 --> 00:03:35,283
Morgan, do come in.
79
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,000
Oh, I am so thrilled
to be working with you.
80
00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:39,366
Wait two weeks
and see if you say that.
81
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,830
Oh!
82
00:03:42,116 --> 00:03:45,160
I'm his partner, C.C. Babcock.
83
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,660
It's a pleasure.
84
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,200
Wait five minutes
and see if you say that.
85
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:53,366
Oh...Miss Faulkner,
I am such a big fan.
86
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,300
I got your autograph
at the Whiskey Bar.
87
00:03:55,333 --> 00:03:57,283
- The Whiskey Bar?
- I'm sorry. I don't
remember.
88
00:03:57,316 --> 00:03:59,366
Oh, why would you?
I was never there.
89
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,383
Your daughter's very beautiful.
90
00:04:03,416 --> 00:04:06,000
Is there a Mrs. Sheffield?
91
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:09,183
Are my ears burning?
92
00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:15,450
Morgan, it's Fran.
93
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,183
Fran Fine.
94
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,433
From Hillcrest High.
95
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:25,350
Miss Fine,
Morgan meets so many people.
96
00:04:25,383 --> 00:04:27,216
Well, why doesn't
she recognize me?
97
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,266
She's the one
that got everything changed.
98
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,400
[LAUGHS]
99
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:34,366
Oh, that Fran Fine.
100
00:04:36,116 --> 00:04:38,350
Don't tell me
you're Mrs. Sheffield?
101
00:04:38,383 --> 00:04:41,300
Well, let's just say, we don't
need to sign a piece of paper.
102
00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,266
But the kids adore me.
I live here.
103
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,300
You fill in the blanks.
104
00:04:44,333 --> 00:04:45,483
So you're the nanny.
105
00:04:49,150 --> 00:04:51,400
And the blanks are filled.
106
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:54,200
[♪♪♪]
107
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:58,000
Ma, how come
you're cooking for 12
108
00:04:58,330 --> 00:04:59,433
when Passover's a week away?
109
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,250
What Passover?
110
00:05:01,283 --> 00:05:04,160
I did five minutes
of a Jane Fonda tape.
111
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,466
I feel lightheaded.
112
00:05:09,383 --> 00:05:12,160
Ma, do you ever question
113
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,316
the choices
that you make in life?
114
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:18,500
Sometimes I'm sitting across
the table from your father...
115
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:20,133
- Yeah.
- ...and I look at his
face...
116
00:05:20,166 --> 00:05:21,466
- Yeah?
- And I wonder,
117
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,660
is he gonna finish
that lamb chop?
118
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:36,300
I'm wondering
what Jane Fonda tape
119
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:39,433
you were exercising to?
"Klute"?
120
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:44,400
Ma, put the fork down
for two seconds.
121
00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:47,116
I'm very upset about something.
122
00:05:47,150 --> 00:05:50,116
Mr. Sheffield hired
Morgan Faulkner
123
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,316
to star in his new play.
124
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:54,333
Darling, what's bothering you?
125
00:05:54,366 --> 00:05:58,100
That she's a big star
and you're a maid?
126
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:10,416
Mamaleh, don't look
into other people's windows.
127
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:14,283
You never know what
someone's life is truly
like.
128
00:06:14,316 --> 00:06:19,660
You see the woman
across the alley?
129
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:22,830
For years,
I envied her fancy apartment,
130
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,366
and then, one day,
I realized,
131
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,330
she was born blind.
132
00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:29,316
Well, what makes
you think that?
133
00:06:29,350 --> 00:06:33,166
Her bedroom window
looks directly into ours
134
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,400
and she has never even looked.
135
00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:46,333
Ma, she wasn't born blind.
She made herself that way.
136
00:06:46,366 --> 00:06:50,166
[♪♪♪]
137
00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:56,483
Mmm...
138
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,333
What's cooking?
139
00:06:58,366 --> 00:07:00,100
Oh, I've been
experimenting with recipes
140
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:01,316
for your mother's seder.
141
00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:04,416
I've made kreplach, knaidlach,
tsimmis and gribenes.
142
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,483
Yummy.
143
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,100
Boy, Niles, you're really
taking
this seriously, aren't you?
144
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:15,000
Oy, I've been
eating like a chazer.
145
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:19,383
My pants I can't zip
146
00:07:19,416 --> 00:07:21,416
and when are you
getting married already?
147
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,150
You know, it takes a lot more
148
00:07:26,183 --> 00:07:28,133
to being Jewish
than just cooking.
149
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:31,416
There's a whole other wiener
you gotta schnitzel, mister.
150
00:07:35,216 --> 00:07:37,160
Where's Mr. Sheffield?
151
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:41,160
He's with Miss Fancy-Shmancy
movie star, big shot.
152
00:07:44,466 --> 00:07:46,300
You know, this is getting scary.
153
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,450
Quick, eat a piece of ham.
Play a sport.
154
00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,830
You're far more sanguine
155
00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:55,350
about Miss Faulkner
than you were yesterday.
156
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:59,200
Well, first of all,
welcome back.
157
00:07:59,233 --> 00:08:01,366
Second of all, I'm trying.
158
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:05,000
You know, I don't like
to look through windows.
159
00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:13,500
Fine. All right. Thank you.
160
00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:14,350
Just wait till you see
161
00:08:14,383 --> 00:08:16,350
this marquee, Morgan.
It just went up.
162
00:08:16,383 --> 00:08:18,216
My name better be above
the title.
163
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:19,333
Well, of course it is.
164
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,100
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
165
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,250
Excuse me.
166
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:31,466
Hi, Morgan.
I didn't know you were here.
167
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,166
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you need to clean in here?
168
00:08:38,183 --> 00:08:41,166
For your information,
I don't clean.
169
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,400
I'm not even a real nanny.
170
00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:46,483
I'm in the witness
protection program.
171
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:52,330
Oh, come on, Fran,
you don't need to pretend.
172
00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:56,450
It's just me, two-time Academy
Award winning Morgan Faulkner.
173
00:08:58,383 --> 00:09:01,660
Did I mention
I just did a pilot?
174
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,133
Really? What airline?
175
00:09:08,450 --> 00:09:10,300
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I--
176
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,383
I shouldn't
look through windows.
177
00:09:12,416 --> 00:09:15,383
You know, your life
seems very glamorous,
178
00:09:15,416 --> 00:09:17,416
but I'm sure
you live like a gypsy.
179
00:09:17,450 --> 00:09:19,416
You don't even have a real home.
180
00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:23,000
Well, actually,
I have a compound in Malibu.
181
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:28,366
But you're lonely.
You don't have any real
friends.
182
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,383
Well, I don't get to see
Demi and Uma as often
183
00:09:30,416 --> 00:09:33,160
because I'm dating a Kennedy.
184
00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:38,300
Does your mother live
at the compound?
185
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,330
Well, I hardly ever see her.
186
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:41,233
She moved to Boca.
187
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,330
Would you fill out this
lotto
card for me, please?
188
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,400
Fran, I got rejected
from Princeton and Vassar.
189
00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:56,333
Oh, sweetie, come here.
190
00:09:56,366 --> 00:10:00,400
Maggie, if it makes you feel
any better, I didn't even
go to college.
191
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,000
Really?
192
00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:04,183
I didn't go to college either.
193
00:10:09,216 --> 00:10:11,116
I know what that girl needs.
194
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:14,660
I just lost my assistant.
It's a great job. It's
exciting.
195
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,450
- She'll meet celebrities.
- Wait a minute.
196
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:20,183
You can't give
a kid like that a job.
197
00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:22,183
Not when I've known you
since high school.
198
00:10:22,216 --> 00:10:24,116
Can't you throw me a bone?
199
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,100
[LAUGHS]
200
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,483
[SOBBING]
I can't believe
201
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,483
Morgan took away
the only daughter I never had.
202
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,830
How many shiksa goddesses
do they think I got in me?
203
00:10:53,116 --> 00:10:55,133
You know, for dessert
at your mother's Passover,
204
00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:57,350
I thought I'd bring
some nice fresh fruit.
205
00:10:57,383 --> 00:11:01,330
You're gonna slide a cheesecake
under that, aren't you?
206
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,333
Oh, you're not going to want
207
00:11:03,366 --> 00:11:06,660
a rich dessert
after such a heavy meal?
208
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,183
Yeah, we are.
209
00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:13,100
Niles, take a look
at this poster for the show.
210
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:15,350
Doesn't Morgan
look incredibly...
211
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,116
[WHISTLES]
212
00:11:18,350 --> 00:11:20,100
...old, old.
213
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:22,200
Oh, I wanna see.
214
00:11:22,233 --> 00:11:25,183
Oh, she looks gorgeous.
215
00:11:25,216 --> 00:11:26,350
Oh, is it retouched?
216
00:11:26,383 --> 00:11:28,483
No. Yes.
217
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:32,183
Oh, Maxwell, I just saw
the posters of Morgan.
218
00:11:32,216 --> 00:11:35,330
- They are--
- Oh, C.C., C.C., ahem.
219
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:38,150
Miss Fine is a little
sensitive
about Morgan right now.
220
00:11:38,183 --> 00:11:40,660
Oh, thank you.
221
00:11:42,316 --> 00:11:44,350
Doesn't she look stunning?
222
00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:47,350
I mean, hot, sexy.
223
00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:55,830
Why are you being so hurtful?
224
00:11:55,116 --> 00:11:56,383
I've got nothing.
225
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,216
I make minimum wage.
226
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,200
I don't have a man in my life.
227
00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:04,500
I'm probably gonna die alone
like a dog.
228
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:06,283
Here.
229
00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:10,500
Oh, Nanny Fine, I am so sorry.
230
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,366
Oh, I feel terrible.
231
00:12:16,330 --> 00:12:17,350
Got guilt?
232
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:29,330
Oh, I would have made
such a good mother.
233
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,416
Oh, look at this.
It's almost 9:00.
234
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:34,830
What kind of
an irresponsible idiot
235
00:12:34,116 --> 00:12:36,400
keeps a kid out on
a school night? I'll never
know.
236
00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:39,233
All right, I'm going to
Eric's.
Be back in a couple of hours.
237
00:12:39,266 --> 00:12:40,483
Okay, honey. Have fun.
238
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:46,416
Miss Fine, do you think
your anger and dismay
239
00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,250
could possibly
be coming from a belief
240
00:12:48,283 --> 00:12:51,283
that Morgan has something
that you haven't?
241
00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:55,166
Like what?
Other than it all?
242
00:12:59,660 --> 00:13:01,266
This isn't about me and Morgan.
243
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:04,433
Ever since Maggie took this
job,
I never see her.
244
00:13:04,466 --> 00:13:06,450
I have nothing to do all day.
245
00:13:06,483 --> 00:13:09,416
You could take care
of my other two children.
246
00:13:11,116 --> 00:13:14,400
No, I'm distancing myself
from them.
247
00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:16,416
I owe them money.
248
00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:22,366
Oh, Dad,
this job is so exciting.
249
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:26,000
Morgan is fabulous.
I'm learning so much from her.
250
00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:28,183
She's killing me!
251
00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:31,483
Now, now, Miss Fine,
252
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,333
this job is the best thing
that could have happened to
her.
253
00:13:35,366 --> 00:13:37,433
Cool. Because I'm going
to Europe with her
254
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,183
and I'm not going to college.
255
00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:44,166
She's killing me!
256
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,200
[♪♪♪]
257
00:13:49,233 --> 00:13:50,466
Look at this.
258
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,450
I just figured out how to add
10 more seats in the theater.
259
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,216
Lose the damn wheelchair row.
260
00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:02,100
My daughter is
not giving up college
261
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,500
to go to Europe
as Morgan's gofer.
262
00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:06,466
Why would anyone want
to spend their entire life
263
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,160
waiting on someone hand and foot
like a bloody lackey?
264
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,133
For the glory, sir.
265
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:18,400
Would you look at the beak
Morgan had in high school?
266
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:20,116
You know,
her first acting job
267
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,183
was sitting
on Baretta's shoulder.
268
00:14:22,216 --> 00:14:27,160
[BOTH LAUGH]
269
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,150
How is Margaret gonna
make anything of herself
270
00:14:29,183 --> 00:14:31,116
if she doesn't go to college?
271
00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:35,500
I know four years at Oxford
opened a lot of doors for me.
272
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:43,366
[WINDOW SQUEAKING]
273
00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:48,483
If Margaret
isn't gonna listen to me,
274
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,133
I'm gonna go down there
and make Morgan fire her.
275
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:53,466
Well, you could
lose her forever if you do
that.
276
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,366
- Oh, C.C., my daughter isn't--
- Not the string bean. Morgan.
277
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,500
Mr. Sheffield,
I'll go and take care of
it.
278
00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:06,000
I mean, you're not gonna
get Morgan to fire Maggie.
279
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:09,166
The whole concept
of firing eludes you.
280
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,266
Look who you've got
on the payroll:
281
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,250
Harpo, Groucho and Drain-o.
282
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:21,483
[♪♪♪]
283
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,830
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
284
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:29,483
Would you please tell this guy
that I am not a hooker?
285
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,160
It's okay. I know her.
286
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,483
FRAN: Hmph.
287
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,466
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you wanna come in?
288
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,200
Yes.
289
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,150
Look, I'm gonna make
this short and sweet.
290
00:15:47,183 --> 00:15:50,200
Oh, "Evita" is playing
on pay-per-view.
291
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:54,660
Can we talk in a couple hours?
292
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:56,830
Fran, I need
to get down to rehearsal.
293
00:15:56,116 --> 00:15:57,366
What's on your mind?
294
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:02,150
Well, Mr. Sheffield wants
Maggie to go to college.
295
00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:06,500
He does not want her
schlepping around after you.
296
00:16:06,830 --> 00:16:08,366
Personally, I think
she's a blond heiress
297
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,483
with legs up to here
298
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,116
so higher education
isno es necesito.
299
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,466
But it's your job
to make Mr. Sheffield happy.
300
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,160
Oh, from your mouth
to God's ears.
301
00:16:20,433 --> 00:16:22,250
He is cute.
302
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:25,200
And impotent, a tragic irony.
303
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:31,116
God, this takes me
right back to high school.
304
00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:33,660
I can see why
we never got along.
305
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:36,160
Well, you were always
acting superior to me,
306
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:37,400
bossing me around all the time.
307
00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,416
Oh, that is ridiculous.
308
00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,416
Zip me up.
309
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,466
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
310
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,216
- Get that.
- Oh, wait a minute.
311
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,416
We're going right back
into our old patterns.
312
00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:49,466
You don't want cracked crab?
313
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,000
Oh, maybe this one last time.
314
00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:59,830
Mmm. Yummy.
315
00:16:59,116 --> 00:17:01,830
Fran, I don't know
what the big deal is.
316
00:17:01,116 --> 00:17:03,500
Maggie won't be
an assistant forever.
317
00:17:03,830 --> 00:17:05,466
She'll make connections.
She'll go places.
318
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,166
If I'd listened to my father,
319
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,100
I'd be working
in that bridal shop in
Flushing.
320
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:17,250
Well, you know,
you and me, we got out.
321
00:17:17,283 --> 00:17:21,150
But Maggie is not the mover
and shaker that we are.
322
00:17:24,183 --> 00:17:27,283
- Hi.
- Sweetie.
323
00:17:27,316 --> 00:17:29,000
Oh, hi, angel.
324
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,283
Oh, this job is so cool.
325
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,150
Today, I met Woody Allen.
326
00:17:33,183 --> 00:17:35,433
- Oh, is that exciting?
- I know.
327
00:17:35,466 --> 00:17:37,266
You stay away from him.
328
00:17:41,483 --> 00:17:44,150
Now, listen, honey,
I know that you think
329
00:17:44,183 --> 00:17:46,450
that this job beats
going to college,
330
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:49,266
but I just hope that someday
you don't regret it.
331
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:52,330
Well, how do I know
I'm gonna regret it?
332
00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,830
I can't dwell on
all the negative,
333
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,233
horrible things that
might happen in the future.
334
00:17:56,266 --> 00:17:59,500
I keep forgetting
you're not Jewish.
335
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,366
Crab?
336
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,150
[♪♪♪]
337
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:10,660
Happy Pesach!
338
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:15,660
- So did we say that right?
- Beautiful.
339
00:18:16,266 --> 00:18:19,150
Look, I hope this brisket
goes
with what you're serving.
340
00:18:19,183 --> 00:18:22,283
Oh, it's perfect
with potato latkes.
341
00:18:22,316 --> 00:18:24,400
Assuming that you brought some.
342
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,433
I just want to thank you,
Silvia, for inviting me.
343
00:18:28,466 --> 00:18:31,183
Oh, please, Niles,
you're like family.
344
00:18:31,216 --> 00:18:32,450
Is there anything else I can do?
345
00:18:32,483 --> 00:18:36,830
Well, you prepared the food,
I guess it's only right
346
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:39,183
that you have the pleasure
of serving it too.
347
00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:43,216
Would you start
with the gefilte fish?
348
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:46,266
And maybe you'll make
a little radish rosette?
349
00:18:51,116 --> 00:18:54,183
Sweetheart, before
you make yourself comfortable,
350
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:58,830
would you bring Uncle Morty
his holiday hair?
351
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,166
Hi, everybody.
Mr. Sheffield, Happy Passover.
352
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,330
Miss Fine, where's Margaret?
Why isn't she with you?
353
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,333
Well, let's see,
going to a club with Johnny
Depp
354
00:19:15,366 --> 00:19:18,660
or sucking on whitefish bones?
355
00:19:19,483 --> 00:19:22,160
Oh, I see. She's gonna
finish out the day,
356
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,200
then she's fired
and going to college?
357
00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:25,383
Oh, well, actually,
358
00:19:25,416 --> 00:19:28,116
I sort of let her
make that decision.
359
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:31,660
You what?!
Are you out of your mind?
360
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,166
All right. Tomorrow,
I'll fire her. But first,
I'll practice on you.
361
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,183
Shh!
362
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:41,200
This is the holiday
where we don't yell
363
00:19:41,233 --> 00:19:43,250
and then stuff ourselves.
364
00:19:45,466 --> 00:19:49,150
"Why on this night
do we eat bitter herbs?"
365
00:19:49,183 --> 00:19:51,830
"To symbolize the bitter
366
00:19:51,116 --> 00:19:54,183
and cruel way
we were treated in the
pharaoh."
367
00:19:54,216 --> 00:19:58,200
"Why on this night do we dip
our foods in saltwater?"
368
00:19:58,233 --> 00:20:02,133
"To remind us
of the tears we've shed."
369
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:06,160
"Why on this night
do we recline on a pillow?"
370
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:11,500
"Because once we were slaves
and now we are a free people."
371
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:13,133
Oh, that was beautiful,
sweetheart.
372
00:20:13,166 --> 00:20:15,433
You forgot the last question.
373
00:20:15,466 --> 00:20:19,250
Oh. "When is Daddy gonna marry
my daughter already?"
374
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,333
That question was
to remind us of my suffering.
375
00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:32,216
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
376
00:20:36,316 --> 00:20:38,216
Why don't I get that?
377
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,100
Would you?
378
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,133
If she thinks I'm coming
for Rosh Hashanah,
379
00:20:45,166 --> 00:20:47,160
she's got another thing coming.
380
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,183
Hi.
381
00:20:49,216 --> 00:20:51,133
- Margaret.
- Maggie.
382
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,400
What are you doing here?
Why aren't you working?
383
00:20:54,433 --> 00:20:57,400
Actually, I quit.
I thought about what Fran
said.
384
00:20:57,433 --> 00:21:00,266
Oh, honey. What did I say?
385
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:03,116
Well, you know, how I'm
a blond heiress, and I
needed--
386
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:05,416
Fast forward. Fast forward.
387
00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:08,433
But that I don't want to
regret
not going to college someday.
388
00:21:08,466 --> 00:21:10,830
Ohh...
389
00:21:10,116 --> 00:21:12,160
Did you tape "Evita"?
390
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:17,660
- I'm so glad, sweetheart.
- Here. Sit down.
391
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:19,116
You're rehired, Harpo.
392
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,183
You know what?
She is such a slave driver.
393
00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:25,400
I walk in there,
she wants me to turn around,
394
00:21:25,433 --> 00:21:28,660
drive to the airport
in rush hour
395
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,233
to pick up Barbra Streisand
and James--
396
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:32,116
Brolin? Give me the keys!
397
00:21:32,150 --> 00:21:34,330
Give me the keys!
Give me the keys!
398
00:21:35,330 --> 00:21:37,433
Oh, it's the miracle
of Passover!
399
00:21:37,466 --> 00:21:40,330
The Messiah is coming!
400
00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:50,500
[ALL GROANING]
401
00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:55,160
Does everyone eat like this
402
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:57,160
on the Jewish holiday,
Miss Fine?
403
00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:00,830
Why do you think we wandered
the desert for 40 years?
404
00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:02,233
We were walking off the meal.
405
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:07,100
I'll never eat again.
406
00:22:07,133 --> 00:22:08,333
I'm so full.
407
00:22:08,366 --> 00:22:10,466
I can't even move.
408
00:22:12,316 --> 00:22:15,660
You know, call me crazy,
409
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:17,233
but I could go
for a little sweet.
410
00:22:26,333 --> 00:22:28,000
You know, I could--
411
00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:30,133
I could go for a little
piece
of cheesecake.
412
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:33,366
NILES:
Oh, I made some strudel.
413
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,150
GRACE: You know,
I could have some napoleons.
414
00:22:36,183 --> 00:22:39,350
[♪♪♪]