Nada.
Ever since me and Mr. Sheffield started to heat things up,
we haven't had one minute alone together.
Open a mouth. Just say, "Go away.
Leave us alone. We want privacy."
Go away. Leave us alone. We want privacy.
There you go.
-Ah, Miss Fine. -Oh, hi.
Sylvia, would you mind,
I'd like some time alone with your daughter.
There are some Hershey's Kisses under the cushions on the couch.
Oh, Miss Fine,
so nice finally to have some time alone together.
-Yeah. -I've missed you.
Me, too, you.
[Sylvia] Which couch?
The office!
You were saying?
I... I know I've been dragging my feet a little with regards to,
our relationship,
but I'm gonna change that.
I think it's time you and I had a date.
[gasp] Oh, my God. You're asking me out on a date?
Yes, yes, yes. I was thinking Friday night?
Oh, I can't. I gotta cook for the Sabbath.
-Oh, really? -Yeah, right. Where are we going?
Well, as you know, I've been dying to get
Elton John to star in my new musical.
-Yeah. -It so happens, he's invited me
to the premiere of his new movie, Tantrums & Tiaras.
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you don't know how happy this makes me.
Not only have you asked me out on a date,
but you actually trust me to not be concerned
that I'm going to embarrass you
in front of a celebrity.
Of course.
♪ She was working in a bridal shop ♪
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
♪ Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪
♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪
♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
♪ So over the bridge from Flushing ♪
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
♪ She was there to sell make up but the father saw more ♪
♪ She had style, she had flair she was there ♪
♪ That's how she became ♪
♪ The Nanny ♪
♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we described ♪
♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪
♪ Now, the father finds her beguiling ♪
♪ Watch out C.C., ♪
♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪
♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪
♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪
I just don't understand why Maxwell
would ask Nanny Fine on a date.
I should be going to Elton John's dinner, not her.
I am the one with sophistication.
I am the one with savvy.
Why would he pick her over me?
He doesn't like you!
Why?
Oh, Miss Babcock, I would love to help you,
but ever since the heart attack,
the one you're partly responsible for,
I get easily winded.
I can't speak and work at the same time.
Well, what am I doing wrong?
Well, for one thing, you've known him for 25 years
or half your life,
and you don't know the names of his children.
Okay. Good, good.
Learn kids' names. That's a start.
You know, this is nice. We're helping each other.
Well, that's what friends are for.
You know, there's a very strange fungus in Brighton's shower.
-Would you mind? -Sure, pal.
Oh, Niles.
Do you think Miss Babcock's upset
that I asked Nanny Fine out on a date?
Oh, no, sir.
I'd hate for her to think I didn't like her.
Wherever would she get that idea?
I don't know,
maybe from some big fat butler
screaming it in her face!
Oh, stop it!
I know those are bloody Tic Tacs.
Sick to death of the whole thing.
I want the two of you to stop behaving like children.
Good God, Miss Fine and I
are the only two around here behaving like adults.
-It's our first date! -Oh, Fran, this is so exciting!
Okay, okay. We gotta calm down. I mean, I'm not 16 anymore.
-But isn't he a babe? -Yes!
-Look how great our names fit together! -I know!
Oh, God.
Oh, boy. That's gonna kill me tomorrow.
Oh, Val, can you believe this is happening?
First, he cops a feel on a week that I'm retaining.
-Is that luck or what? -Wait!
-Then he lets you remodel. -Yeah.
-Then he asks you out. -Oh, finally.
My feet are firmly planted on the ground.
Now I gotta make sure to speed things up
before my tuchus is there too.
Hey, you know, I do isometrics to keep my butt firm.
You know, I'm doing them right now.
Get off my bed, Val.
I tell you, you know what's really going to impress Mr. Sheffield?
When I tell him at the dinner
that I have already met Elton John.
Get out of here. How?
Well, remember that Sheffield vacation in the south of France
that I couldn't get out of?
You mean the one where you told Mr. Sheffield
if anything happens to Grace, you're the only one with her blood type?
Uh-huh.
Well, anyway, Elton was staying at that same hotel.
I saw him playing tennis and I yelled at him,
"Yoo-hoo!"
You always know the perfect thing to say.
Well, you know, Val,
when you travel in circles like I do...
you just get glib.
Kids, kids, kids! Come in here!
You're not gonna believe the most incredible thing has happened.
Your father is taking us
to a screening of Elton John's new movie
and then there's a big private dinner party afterwards.
-Are you serious? -Uh-huh.
I'm going to Elton John's dinner party?
No.
Isn't that great?
It's just me and your father. It's our first date!
You're not going and you're not going.
Everybody that's going to Elton John's private dinner party,
take one step forward.
Well, Niles, is everyone ready?
Maxwell, Margaret, Brighton, Gracie?
Very good. And...
And what?
Oh, for heaven's sake, he's your favorite.
Little Sidney.
There are four?
Oh, right. I know him.
Yep. Yep, I've seen that face.
Of course you have.
[chuckles]
Niles, are you done with my picture of us with Macaulay Culkin?
-[door bell ringing] -[humming a tune]
Sylvia. You look...
amazing.
Thank you.
It's from the Jo Anne Worley collection.
Ma, how could you wear pants to a formal affair?
This isn't a gown?
Oh, and here I am thinking
I'm looking so sexy with this high slit.
Hi.
Oh, this is gonna be such a great night
and I'm so happy you guys get to share it with me.
But if I see your faces after the screening, you're dead.
Because that's when the date kicks in.
Sweetheart, do you remember the night of your prom when you came home
with your dress all disheveled
and your bra sticking out of your purse?
Yeah.
Let's hope history repeats itself!
My God, you look lovely.
Thank you.
But it's Fran's night. Compliment her.
Well, I suppose we should get going.
Yes, yes. We should.
Let's go, Margaret, Brighton, Gracie, Sidney!
You guys go ahead, I'll be out in a minute.
I just want to check my face. I'll be okay.
Now I know that we haven't talked since
John-John went through with the wedding
but I really love this guy,
so please help me to make everything go good tonight.
I suppose a sign that you heard me would be too much to ask?
Come on, Miss Fine.
Oh, I'm afraid the limo's a tad crowded
so you're gonna have to sit on my lap.
That'll do.
-I want some popcorn. -I'll take you, Gracie.
I'll go.
No, no, no, Miss Fine, Miss Fine. I'll go.
Remember, you're not my nanny tonight.
Tonight, you're my date.
And you're my escort. You see to my needs.
You do for me.
-You want something? -Rolo's.
He doesn't give a rat's patootie if I know the kids' names.
All he cares about is Nanny Fine.
You've still got a shot.
Why else would he ask you to look after Sidney?
-When did he do that? -You know, in the limo.
When we stopped for gas.
Yetta's.
Well, where is he?
Oh, dear. I thought he was with you.
Sidney. Sidney.
Hey, that's that hotel we stayed at.
Yeah. Look, there's Elton playing tennis.
That's where I talked to him. That's where I said, "Yoo-hoo".
[man]You wanna tell me what happened?
I just lost my temper.
This bloody woman at the end of the court
waving to me, "Yoo-hoo".
...and, um, it just pissed me off.
Oh, if Elton finds out that was me
he's never gonna be in your father's show.
Your father's gonna be a laughing stock.
He's going to be totally humiliated.
This is the worst thing I've ever done to him.
Why don't you just go home?
I don't wanna ruin our first date.
This never would've happened
if you knew your place with celebrities.
Ma!
You have to learn to use decorum.
Oh, Miss Close...
I loved you inSunset Boulevard.
Okay, think. Think!
I gotta get through that dinner without Elton recognizing me.
I need a disguise.
Yetta.
What?
When you coming out of there?
I can't decide whether to vote for Nixon or Kennedy.
Give me that wig, old woman!
[clamoring]
Oh, my God! This is just like...
Patty Duke and Susan Hayward in theValley of the Dolls.
You'll have to excuse them.
They don't know how to act in front of celebrities.
♪ We'll live like horses ♪
♪ Free rein
Elton, Elton. Wonderful film. Wonderful.
David, first class directing job.
It must've been quite a challenge
to maintain control of the piece and yet,
you know, allow the vérité style to flow.
Who is this guy?
He gives a ton of money to the foundation.
Yes, it was.
So, Maxwell, you didn't come alone tonight, did you?
No Elton. Actually I'm taking the opportunity
to use this evening as a sort of a first date.
Well, that's very flattering, but you know I'm involved.
Oh!
Oh, no.
No, no, no. No. She's in the ladies' room.
And quite a knockout, if I may say.
Hello.
Here she is now!
Oh, Elton John, I am such a big fan of yours.
Hi, I'm Fran Fine. And that movie!
Tantrums & Tiaras, it's sure to be a classic.
-Fran. -Yeah?
You look awfully familiar.
Have we ever met?
No, no, no. That's impossible.
And those glasses. They are fantastic.
-Let me try them on-- -No! No! No!
No, thank you.
-May I see you for a moment? -Yeah, just a sec, honey.
Tell me, Elton, whatever happened to that Kiki Dee--
Now I know why she's so familiar.
I have that jacket.
All right, will you kindly tell me what the hell is going on?
Why are you in this ridiculous disguise?
Well, I'm not going to tell you because you'll get mad.
No, I--
No, I'm not.
See?
You! You're the "yoo-hoo" lady?
You're the raving lunatic everyone's talking about?
Come on, we're getting out of here.
No, wait a minute.
You might still get him to do your show.
He didn't recognize me.
Right now, he just thinks you're some guy with an Estelle Getty fetish.
You know, Elton...
Mr. Sheffield has this fabulous new musical
that you'd be perfect for.
Why don't you tell him about it?
Um, yes. Right, yes.
Yeah. Right, well...
Yes, Elton, it's a rock musical and...
and, uh...
You're eating flower!
So this is a first date for you two?
Actually, we have been together for four years.
-We just felt it was time-- -Waiter's hand.
Meanwhile, this elastic waistband is so tight,
it's cutting off my circulation. I can't even feel my own tuchus.
Elton's tuchus.
I think it's going very well. Don't you?
Oh, there you are. Where did you disappear tonight?
Well, I did what Maxwell said.
Apparently, I'm the only one who cares about his kids.
What are you talking about?
Margaret took the children for ice cream.
I'm tired.
It's no wonder with all that running you did, Sidney.
He kept trying to get away from me to go
intoGeorge of the Jungle, but I got him.
Oh, my God, you insane woman.
You've kidnapped someone's child.
-What? -There is no Sidney!
I made him up, you lunatic!
Oh, my God. We're going to prison.
I stole someone's child?
I thought you were trying to help me!
Oh, you baboon. Why would I help you?
Oh, no, no. This is all my fault.
I have got to call that theater.
Okay, you can go. Here's ten for you
and ten for your mom.
But you promised us $50.
And if you'd remembered the part about needing your insulin
you'd be getting $50.
Well, Max, it's been a pleasure.
Elton, please, before you go,
would you mind autographing
your new CD The Big Picture for me?
Of course.
Do you happen to have one on you?
I'm not the sort of artist
that goes around carrying his own CD...
but look at here.
And do you need one for an aunt, maybe?
Or an optician?
-Thank you. -Elton, David. Good luck with the film.
And about that show of yours, Max.
Sounds great. Let's talk about it Tuesday.
-Wonderful, wonderful. -Bye-bye, nice meeting you.
Wow, wow, wow.
That went very well.
I'm telling you, Maxwell Sheffield.
I am good for you.
So, I take it there's gonna be a second date?
You bet.
Oh. Elton forgot to autograph the CDs!
Elton. Elton!
Yoo-hoo!
And one for Hadassah, Rego Park.
And just a few generic, "Glenn Close."
I'll fill in the greetings.
Would you like a sour ball?
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]