1 00:00:05,116 --> 00:00:06,450 Hi. 2 00:00:06,483 --> 00:00:08,450 Your grandmother is such a sucker. 3 00:00:08,483 --> 00:00:10,250 She thinks she's a finalist in 4 00:00:10,283 --> 00:00:13,266 Ed McMahon's Publisher's Clearing House. 5 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:17,466 You're just jealous because I'm gonna be a millionaire. 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,200 You better be nice to me 7 00:00:19,233 --> 00:00:22,100 because I got a very long memory. 8 00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,283 Waitress, could I get a cup of decaf? 9 00:00:30,216 --> 00:00:32,450 -I got a letter for you. -Oh. 10 00:00:35,830 --> 00:00:37,183 From Cambodia. 11 00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:42,433 Cambodia? Oh, my God. 12 00:00:42,466 --> 00:00:46,500 Pack your bags. We'll hide her out in Canada. 13 00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:49,333 Ah! 14 00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:52,483 Look, Val, it's from Mai Ling. 15 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,150 -Who's Mai Ling? -Oy, please, these two meshuganas 16 00:00:56,183 --> 00:01:00,350 adopted an orphan in high school for 17 cents a day. 17 00:01:00,383 --> 00:01:02,216 What a steal. 18 00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:05,116 Bell peppers are $4.99 a pound. 19 00:01:07,330 --> 00:01:09,330 Ma, we weren't meshuganas. 20 00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,133 That poor child happens to come from a country 21 00:01:11,166 --> 00:01:14,160 where you gotta scrape and scrounge 22 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,483 and fight for every last morsel of food. 23 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,250 -Stop that. Stop it. -Let go of it, or I'll kill you. 24 00:01:27,466 --> 00:01:30,450 Fran, she's coming to New York 25 00:01:30,483 --> 00:01:32,433 three weeks from the date of this letter. 26 00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:35,160 [gasps] Which is tomorrow. 27 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:37,233 -Ma. -Oh, I'm sorry. 28 00:01:37,266 --> 00:01:40,660 I taped it to the refrigerator to give it to you, 29 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,250 and then I forgot it was there. 30 00:01:42,283 --> 00:01:46,183 Well, that's because the refrigerator door is never closed. 31 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,183 Oh, Fran. 32 00:01:52,216 --> 00:01:55,100 I can't believe our little girl is coming to see us. 33 00:01:55,133 --> 00:01:58,216 -Gosh. -I wonder which one of us she'll look like. 34 00:02:00,316 --> 00:02:01,433 Val, 35 00:02:01,466 --> 00:02:04,300 she's not gonna look like either of us 36 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,283 because she's adopted. 37 00:02:07,416 --> 00:02:09,300 -Oi! -Yeah. It's... 38 00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:11,350 -Am I an idiot? -No. 39 00:02:11,383 --> 00:02:13,160 [chuckling] 40 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:17,216 Well, let's just pray she inherited your brains. 41 00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:22,216 She's got a very good heart. 42 00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:23,416 So does an artichoke. 43 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,283 ♪ She was working in a bridal shop ♪ 44 00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:32,466 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 45 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,133 ♪ Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪ 46 00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:35,350 ♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪ 47 00:02:35,383 --> 00:02:37,300 ♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪ 48 00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:40,383 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 49 00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:42,183 ♪ So over the bridge from Flushing ♪ 50 00:02:42,216 --> 00:02:44,000 ♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪ 51 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,830 ♪ She was there to sell make up but the father saw more ♪ 52 00:02:46,116 --> 00:02:48,116 ♪ She had style, she had flair she was there ♪ 53 00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:49,183 ♪ That's how she became ♪ 54 00:02:49,216 --> 00:02:51,433 ♪ The Nanny ♪ 55 00:02:51,466 --> 00:02:54,350 ♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we described ♪ 56 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:57,660 ♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪ 57 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,266 ♪ Now, the father finds her beguiling ♪ 58 00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,500 ♪ Watch out C.C. ♪ 59 00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:01,133 ♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪ 60 00:03:01,166 --> 00:03:02,250 ♪ Such♪ 61 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,450 ♪ She's the lady in red ♪ 62 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:08,160 ♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪ 63 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,330 ♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪ 64 00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:11,366 ♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪ 65 00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:17,166 Here's your sandwich, sir. 66 00:03:18,383 --> 00:03:21,830 "Thank you, Niles." You're welcome, sir. 67 00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:24,830 "All you do for me 68 00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:25,466 and a heart condition on top of it." 69 00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:30,830 I wouldn't let a little angina keep me from picking up 70 00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:31,283 your freshly-baked focaccia bread 71 00:03:31,316 --> 00:03:33,133 at 4:00 in the morning. 72 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:39,330 You're right, Niles. I don't appreciate you. 73 00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:41,116 "Well, that's because I don't do squat around here, sir." 74 00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:43,400 Perhaps you should put more effort into it, old man. 75 00:03:43,433 --> 00:03:45,483 "Well, I can't, sir. I'm a lazy old house-frau." 76 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,250 All I wanted was a simple thank you. 77 00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:52,316 I suppose in order to get some attention around here 78 00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:55,350 I have to hop up on your desk in my short skirt. 79 00:03:57,216 --> 00:03:59,330 Did you say "my"? 80 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:04,183 I was putting myself in Ms. Fine's shoes. 81 00:04:04,216 --> 00:04:07,150 Well, you can't wear those wingtips with your skirt. 82 00:04:07,183 --> 00:04:09,160 Make you look stumpy. 83 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,466 He who belts "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair" in the shower 84 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,200 should not throw stones. 85 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:22,316 I assure you, I am the most masculine one in this room. 86 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:23,416 Until now. 87 00:04:29,250 --> 00:04:31,200 You know, Maxwell, I can't believe 88 00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:33,383 what they get away with on TV these days. 89 00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:36,000 I was watching this rerun ofSeinfeld, 90 00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:37,416 and Elaine must have been, 91 00:04:37,450 --> 00:04:40,100 I don't know, 12 months pregnant, 92 00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:42,200 and they didn't even acknowledge it. 93 00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:45,250 They just kept hiding her behind these huge props. 94 00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:51,216 You know, this needs water. 95 00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:59,160 Mr. Sheffield, 96 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,383 remember when you told me 97 00:05:00,416 --> 00:05:03,400 that I could never have any more relatives staying at the house? 98 00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:06,150 Yes. But more importantly, do you? 99 00:05:08,233 --> 00:05:10,416 Well, would you make an exception for my daughter? 100 00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:13,500 Your what? 101 00:05:13,830 --> 00:05:14,250 My daughter. 102 00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:17,150 Didn't I mention that I have a 19-year-old daughter? 103 00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,183 But that's impossible. 104 00:05:18,216 --> 00:05:19,333 Means you would have to have been... 105 00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:20,483 Ten. 106 00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:25,400 I got her at a UNICEF fair when I was in high school-- 107 00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:27,383 Junior high-- Elementary school. 108 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,400 Well, I think it's wonderful 109 00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:32,300 that you're a foster parent, Ms. Fine. 110 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,000 Thank you. Does it give you any ideas? 111 00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:36,250 You know, now that I have a kid, 112 00:05:36,283 --> 00:05:38,133 and you have kids. 113 00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:41,450 ♪ 'Til the one day when The lady met this fella ♪ 114 00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,266 If I say she can stay here, will you stop singing? 115 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:49,416 [kisses] Thank you. You're such a doll. 116 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,366 Oh, now I just hope that she likes me. 117 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,216 You know, I'm not really good with kids. 118 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:55,466 I mean, my own kids. 119 00:05:58,330 --> 00:06:00,500 Maxwell, this just came from the framers. 120 00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:01,183 Where do you want to hang it? 121 00:06:05,283 --> 00:06:06,416 [doorbell ringing] 122 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,216 [Val] She's here. 123 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,433 She's here! 124 00:06:10,466 --> 00:06:14,330 Oh, we're coming. We're coming. 125 00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:15,350 Oh, honey, 126 00:06:15,383 --> 00:06:18,250 let's meet our little girl. 127 00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:22,400 Hi. 128 00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:25,283 Hello. I am Mai Ling. 129 00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:28,166 Boy, you really filled out on 17 cents a day. 130 00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:31,300 [both giggling] 131 00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:33,366 Hello, Mai Ling. 132 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,316 We are your mother and mother. 133 00:06:38,216 --> 00:06:42,330 Look how I'm talking to her like she doesn't understand. 134 00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:43,316 You must be Val. 135 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:48,116 Come in. Come in. 136 00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:51,466 Oh, so beautiful. 137 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,830 This is your house? 138 00:06:53,116 --> 00:06:55,133 Well, I'm working on it, sweetie. 139 00:06:57,266 --> 00:07:00,216 I can't wait to meet your husband. Where is he? 140 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:03,330 Hopefully he's at a very successful 141 00:07:03,660 --> 00:07:05,316 law firm or seeing a patient. 142 00:07:07,283 --> 00:07:09,116 Come on, sit down. 143 00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:11,216 Talk with your mother. 144 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,383 Excuse me. I'm her mother too. 145 00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,433 So, sweetie, tell us, 146 00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:20,183 how could you afford to fly here? 147 00:07:20,216 --> 00:07:23,416 Oh, I work since I was 10 years old. 148 00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:26,200 They let you work so young there? 149 00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:29,830 No. Sometimes I have to lie about my age. 150 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,383 Oh, my baby. 151 00:07:34,116 --> 00:07:36,466 My baby too. 152 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,350 -Well, it was my idea to buy her. -Yeah? 153 00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:43,660 It was my idea to go to the fair. 154 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:46,466 Please, Mommies, don't fight. It put knife through my heart. 155 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,400 There, there, she's Jewish. She's mine. 156 00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:58,433 Ma, you are not gonna win from Publisher's Clearing House. 157 00:07:58,466 --> 00:08:02,416 You spent your whole Social Security check on magazines. 158 00:08:02,450 --> 00:08:05,450 What do you need with Runner's Digest? 159 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,433 Oh, I thought it just said "digest." 160 00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:16,133 What a pleasure, ladies. 161 00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:18,450 Haven't seen you in, what, half a day? 162 00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,383 How did you get in? 163 00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:23,160 You left the door open. 164 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,466 You had a key made? 165 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,166 Maybe that was it. 166 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:32,266 Where are you running, Niles, darling? 167 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:37,660 I got a little something on my purse at the gas station. 168 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,366 I wonder if you could get it off for me. 169 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,116 What is it? Grease? 170 00:08:41,150 --> 00:08:43,133 Yeah. From a burrito. 171 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,350 It's Sylvia's. 172 00:08:54,183 --> 00:08:57,400 Oh, hi, Ma, Yetta. 173 00:08:57,433 --> 00:08:59,660 Now, wait a minute. 174 00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,350 You two did go home yesterday, didn't you? 175 00:09:03,183 --> 00:09:06,150 What are you wearing to Aunt Freida's birthday tomorrow? 176 00:09:06,183 --> 00:09:09,433 I got the most adorable little white polka dot dress 177 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:12,150 with big colorful fruits all over it. 178 00:09:13,330 --> 00:09:14,133 Like that? 179 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:18,450 Yeah, that's it. You look great in it. 180 00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:21,150 I'll wear something else to Freida's. 181 00:09:21,183 --> 00:09:23,283 Oh, Ma, Yetta, 182 00:09:23,316 --> 00:09:27,433 I want you to meet my daughter, Mai Ling. She just arrived. 183 00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,366 Oh! 184 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,316 I hope you had a cesarean. 185 00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,250 Maggie take me to big party, 186 00:09:36,283 --> 00:09:38,350 and I want to look pretty like my mother. 187 00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:40,283 -Thank you, sweetie. -Thank you, sweetie. 188 00:09:40,316 --> 00:09:41,366 What are you saying? 189 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,183 [car horn honking] 190 00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:48,416 She's here one week and in your clothes already? 191 00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:50,283 Fran, I don't like it. 192 00:09:50,316 --> 00:09:52,250 You don't take advantage of someone 193 00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,283 when you're a guest in their house. 194 00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:58,383 Niles, how long does it take to clean a purse? 195 00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:04,383 -Here's your pocketbooks, girls. -Thanks. 196 00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:06,183 Well, time to party, Mai. 197 00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:08,330 But we have to be home early 198 00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:10,116 because Maggie have school tomorrow. 199 00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:12,433 No, no, no. You say that in front of Dad. 200 00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:14,450 She's the one who taught me how to do this. 201 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:18,133 Yeah. I taught her everything she knows. 202 00:10:18,166 --> 00:10:20,160 -Have fun. -Bye. 203 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,233 -Bye. -Bye. 204 00:10:21,266 --> 00:10:24,483 -So cute. -Do you even know where she's going? 205 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,133 No. But I don't know where Maggie's going either. 206 00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:31,466 Well, I do not think Mai Ling should go out dressed like that. 207 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,250 She looks like a hooker. 208 00:10:33,283 --> 00:10:35,100 Val, that's my outfit. 209 00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:36,350 Enough said. 210 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:39,466 What's that supposed to mean? 211 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,400 Come on. This is a big revelation? 212 00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,266 You dress like a tramp. 213 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:47,350 You know what revelation means? 214 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:53,330 You know, you are always undermining me. 215 00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:56,166 Now, why do I always have to be the bad guy? You spoil her. 216 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,200 Well, what's the big deal if I do spoil her? 217 00:10:58,233 --> 00:10:59,383 I can afford it now. 218 00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:02,200 Please, it isn't your money. You're the hired help. 219 00:11:06,450 --> 00:11:08,483 Well, you really learn a lot about a person 220 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,483 when you have a kid with them. That's all I can say. 221 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,316 I'm sensing a lot of anger here. 222 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,466 -You think? -You think? 223 00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:30,400 Okay. Now, I have found that in couples therapy 224 00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:33,233 it's often useful for the couples, the two of you, 225 00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:35,330 to go back and try to remember what it was 226 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,100 that first attracted you to each other. 227 00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,316 I mean, for instance, 228 00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:42,500 my wife says about me it was my winning smile. 229 00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:50,200 Look, doctor, I've known her since kindergarten. 230 00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:52,283 I simply think I have outgrown her. 231 00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:55,366 Do you see what she does? 232 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,383 She always tries to act superior. 233 00:11:57,416 --> 00:12:01,133 You know, that's why so many people did not like her in high school. 234 00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,330 Oh, is she stupid? 235 00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,830 I was the most popular girl in school. 236 00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:07,466 It said so on all the bathroom walls. 237 00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:11,333 There she goes, calling me stupid again. 238 00:12:11,366 --> 00:12:14,116 You know, for 20 years she's been making fun of me. 239 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:18,166 And I gotta tell you something, I'm getting damn tired of it. 240 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,400 How dare you? 241 00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:23,100 When I'm the one that's always defending you 242 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:26,200 -when everyone calls you dumb. -Yeah? 243 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:29,200 You know what? I'm the one that always defended you in high school 244 00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:30,466 when everybody called you a slut. 245 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,160 Oy, Dr. Miller, you see how dumb she is? 246 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,183 She thinks that's an insult. 247 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,166 Yeah, yeah. 248 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,660 Well, what about values, huh? 249 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,160 Some values you are teaching our daughter, 250 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,366 living with a man out of wedlock. 251 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,350 I'm not in a relationship with Mr. Sheffield. I'm his nanny. 252 00:12:48,383 --> 00:12:50,233 Congratulations, Fran. 253 00:12:50,266 --> 00:12:52,200 You just broke through your denial. 254 00:12:57,330 --> 00:13:00,000 You know, after 20 years of a relationship, 255 00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,266 you expect a little magic to go out of it. 256 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:05,830 But this is beyond repair. 257 00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:07,466 I'll tell you something, it is over between us. 258 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,400 I am suing you for full custody. 259 00:13:11,216 --> 00:13:13,330 [groaning] 260 00:13:18,483 --> 00:13:20,133 Big shot, huh? 261 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,233 She'll be back. 262 00:13:22,266 --> 00:13:25,300 You know, I drove her, and she has my keys. 263 00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:32,233 Ma. 264 00:13:33,216 --> 00:13:35,183 Ma. 265 00:13:35,216 --> 00:13:37,316 What is it? Darling, what? 266 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:42,366 I can't even talk about it. 267 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,330 Good, because your father and I are going to the movies. 268 00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,283 Ma. 269 00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:52,233 If we don't get there before 3:00, 270 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:55,383 we'll miss the free jalapeno nachos. 271 00:14:04,483 --> 00:14:07,830 All right! What is it? 272 00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:13,400 Sweetheart, nothing is ever as bad as it seems. 273 00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:17,300 Ma, it's over. We split up. 274 00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,400 No! Don't say that! 275 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,350 It's true. 276 00:14:24,383 --> 00:14:28,466 It was the worst fight we ever had. 277 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,383 Oh, my God. I'm having palpitations. 278 00:14:32,416 --> 00:14:35,000 Quick, get me my medicine. 279 00:14:55,383 --> 00:14:58,266 Even Dr. Miller said 280 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,366 we had irreconcilable differences. 281 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,283 I'll kill that quack. 282 00:15:04,366 --> 00:15:07,233 You go back and beg for forgiveness. 283 00:15:07,266 --> 00:15:10,300 Bend a little, for God's sakes. You're a single maid. 284 00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:16,233 Ma, what are you talking about? 285 00:15:16,266 --> 00:15:19,333 Apologize to Mr. Sheffield. 286 00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:22,283 Ma, I'm talking about Val. 287 00:15:28,416 --> 00:15:33,366 I am missing jalapeno nachos for that moron? 288 00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:40,350 Well, consider it a favor 289 00:15:40,383 --> 00:15:43,283 to the people sitting behind you. 290 00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:47,100 What the hell do you have to fight about with Val? 291 00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:49,433 Well, it all started over Mai Ling, but then-- 292 00:15:49,466 --> 00:15:52,333 Darling, that's the problem. That girl. 293 00:15:52,366 --> 00:15:55,660 First she busts up your friendship with Val, 294 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,250 next she'll come between you and Mr. Sheffield. 295 00:15:58,283 --> 00:16:02,166 Ma, she's a baby. She's only 19. 296 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,200 And what were you doing when you were 19? 297 00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:10,200 That's different, Ma. I was a very mature 19. 298 00:16:10,233 --> 00:16:11,400 I was 24. 299 00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:15,400 Besides, it's crazy. 300 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:19,166 Mr. Sheffield is practically her foster father. 301 00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:22,500 Two words, baby... 302 00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:23,216 Soon-Yi. 303 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,483 A-ha! 304 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:42,316 What are you doing home in the middle of the afternoon? 305 00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:45,500 My office is at home. 306 00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:50,433 Well, Mr. I've-got-an-answer- for-everything, 307 00:16:51,316 --> 00:16:53,200 answer me this. 308 00:16:53,233 --> 00:16:56,466 Are you having an affair with Mai Ling? 309 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,000 Ms. Fine, are you insane? 310 00:16:59,330 --> 00:17:01,483 I have never been this sane in my entire life. 311 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,350 Or this thin, thank you very much. 312 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:10,316 Now, if there's nothing going on between you two, then answer me this. 313 00:17:10,350 --> 00:17:13,433 Why do you look so unbelievably handsome? 314 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:17,216 And explain that extra sparkle in your eyes. Mmm? 315 00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:19,216 Because I'm looking at you. 316 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,283 Oh, please. 317 00:17:25,316 --> 00:17:28,483 If I'm so irresistible, why aren't you all over me? 318 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,150 To hell with Mai Ling. 319 00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:54,830 Ms. Fine, 320 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,200 I cannot believe you'd accuse me of such a thing. 321 00:17:56,233 --> 00:17:59,100 -She's a teenager, for heaven's sakes. -Well-- 322 00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:03,183 I mean, it's not as if I'm some over-sexed 16-year-old boy. 323 00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:14,216 What the hell's going on in here? 324 00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:16,233 Well, Dad, I mean, she just knocked on my door, 325 00:18:16,266 --> 00:18:18,466 asked me how to spell a big word and started kissing me. 326 00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,133 How dare you? 327 00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:25,466 I gotta try that. But how dare you? 328 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,500 No, it's okay, Dad, because we're engaged. 329 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:29,250 -What? -What? 330 00:18:29,283 --> 00:18:31,283 You are nothing of the sort. 331 00:18:31,316 --> 00:18:33,466 What's the matter, my daughter's not good enough for you? 332 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,450 Ms. Fine, they are not engaged and that's that. 333 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:40,830 Hello, how else am I going to get my green card? 334 00:18:40,116 --> 00:18:43,116 [gasp] Well, that's Val's side coming right through there. 335 00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:48,000 Brighton, how could you let yourself be taken in like this? 336 00:18:48,330 --> 00:18:50,133 Well, let's see, I'm 16, 337 00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:51,466 she's a breathing female, 338 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,116 and I'm 16. That's all you need. 339 00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:02,000 Fran. 340 00:19:03,216 --> 00:19:06,000 I just got your message about Mai Ling. 341 00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:08,830 I can't believe it. 342 00:19:08,116 --> 00:19:11,216 Where did we go wrong? 343 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,350 Oh, Val, it isn't our fault. 344 00:19:17,383 --> 00:19:20,366 We were too young when we had her. 345 00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,216 -I'm sorry. -I missed you. 346 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,400 -I love you. -I missed you. 347 00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,200 -I love you. -I'm sorry. 348 00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:33,830 Oh, Fran, let's promise never again 349 00:19:33,116 --> 00:19:35,433 to let our kids come between us. 350 00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:37,183 What kids? 351 00:19:37,216 --> 00:19:41,100 As of this moment, I'm disowning her. 352 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,500 Me too. 353 00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:47,133 Val. 354 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,330 Well, why ruin two jackets? 355 00:19:53,116 --> 00:19:54,316 Hi, Moms. 356 00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:56,183 Don't "Moms" us. 357 00:19:56,216 --> 00:20:00,660 It's Ms. Fine and Ms. Toriello to you. 358 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,466 I'm so sorry that I hurt you. 359 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,366 I'll leave and stay with my friend 360 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,166 I met last night at the party. 361 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,400 His mother has a big apartment in the city. 362 00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:16,400 I'm walking to the door. 363 00:20:20,116 --> 00:20:21,316 I'm almost to the door. 364 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,433 Well... 365 00:20:24,316 --> 00:20:27,500 Are you never going to speak to me again? 366 00:20:27,416 --> 00:20:29,160 Speak to you? 367 00:20:29,350 --> 00:20:31,166 You used us. 368 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,266 You almost broke up me and your mother. 369 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,500 And you hurt the people that I love. 370 00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,466 We can't even look at you. 371 00:20:42,383 --> 00:20:44,266 Well, if you change your mind, 372 00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:47,133 here's the number where I will be staying. 373 00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:50,100 If I or my friend, Jason, is not there, 374 00:20:50,133 --> 00:20:51,433 just ask for his mother. 375 00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:54,500 Ms. Barbra Streisand. 376 00:20:59,183 --> 00:21:02,350 Goodbye, Ms. Fine, Ms. Toriello. 377 00:21:02,383 --> 00:21:06,450 -So formal with your mothers. -So formal with your mothers. 378 00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:16,166 Thanks for buying these subscriptions off me, Neal. 379 00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:27,400 [sighs] 380 00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:30,316 Yetta, you said "a few." 381 00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:35,300 I also said you were invited to my wedding. 382 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:38,383 You mean I'm not? 383 00:21:38,416 --> 00:21:40,350 Well, you'll be there, 384 00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:42,466 but you won't exactly be a guest. 385 00:21:45,116 --> 00:21:47,830 Wear comfortable shoes. 386 00:21:50,660 --> 00:21:51,383 -Thanks, Neal. -[kisses] 387 00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:06,316 What? 388 00:22:21,350 --> 00:22:23,333 [theme music playing] 389 00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:40,333 [theme music ends]