1
00:00:01,433 --> 00:00:04,300
Franny, read me my horoscope.

2
00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,450
Oh, okay.

3
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,283
Uh, "Scorpio.

4
00:00:07,316 --> 00:00:09,366
Tomorrow you will awaken to--"

5
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,366
Woo-hoo!

6
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,216
What are you woo-hooing?
I didn't say anything.

7
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,216
I heard "tomorrow" and "awaken."
I'm cool.

8
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:25,483
Fran, my philosophy professor
has so opened my eyes

9
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,300
to realize that my eyes
may not even be open.

10
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:32,133
-[Fran] Well.
-I mean, I may not even
have eyes.

11
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,200
I may not even exist.

12
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,300
Yeah, well,

13
00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:38,183
according to your father,
neither do I.

14
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,350
I mean, do you realize
that red may not even be red?

15
00:00:44,383 --> 00:00:47,166
I mean, blue may not
even be blue.

16
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,166
Well, thank God
gray can still become black

17
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,150
according to my mentor,
Lady Clairol.

18
00:00:57,316 --> 00:00:59,316
-You know what else Steve says?
-What?

19
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:01,466
You call your professor Steve?

20
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,200
Oh, just over cappuccinos.

21
00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:06,400
You're having cappuccinos
with Steve?

22
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:09,330
Uh, you're talking
too much, honey.

23
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,416
Daddy's getting nervous.
Shutty uppy.

24
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,100
Well, of course
I'm getting nervous.

25
00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:16,416
An older, distinguished man,

26
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:19,150
a young, beautiful woman
right under his nose,

27
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:20,366
day after day.

28
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,200
What do you think
is going to happen?

29
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:25,830
Well, according to
my experience, nothing.

30
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,160
Fran, I want you to go down
to that university,

31
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:31,316
and talk to
Margaret's professor,

32
00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:34,116
who probably has nothing
but sex on the brain.

33
00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:35,400
I've had worse assignments.

34
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:38,366
I'm not joking.

35
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,116
Oh, come on.

36
00:01:40,150 --> 00:01:42,283
Now, what is it
going to look like
if I go down there?

37
00:01:42,316 --> 00:01:44,200
I mean,
the girl is 18 years old.

38
00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:46,116
I don't care if she's 35.

39
00:01:46,150 --> 00:01:48,330
Which isn't old either.

40
00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:52,233
You are her nanny.
Now, go. Please.

41
00:01:52,266 --> 00:01:54,250
All right.

42
00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:58,330
I'll go too and pick up
a little education.

43
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:02,100
I can only keep Sammy happy
in the bedroom for so long.

44
00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:04,233
Sooner or later,
he's going to want to talk.

45
00:02:06,316 --> 00:02:08,450
[theme song playing]

46
00:02:08,483 --> 00:02:11,183
♪<i>She was working</i>
<i>In a bridal shop</i>
<i>In Flushing, Queens</i>

47
00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:13,000
♪<i>Til her boyfriend</i>
<i>Kicked her out</i>

48
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,366
♪<i>In one of those</i>
<i>Crushing scenes</i>

49
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,383
♪<i>What was she to do?</i>
<i>Where was she to go?</i>

50
00:02:16,416 --> 00:02:19,366
♪<i>She was out on her fanny</i>

51
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,116
♪<i>So over the bridge</i>
<i>From Flushing</i>
<i>To the Sheffields door</i>

52
00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:25,660
♪<i>She was there to sell make-up</i>
<i>But father saw more ♪</i>

53
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,100
♪<i>She had style!</i>
<i>She had flair!</i>
<i>She was there!</i>

54
00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:30,416
♪<i>Thats how she became</i>
<i>The Nanny!</i>

55
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,350
♪<i>Who would have guessed</i>
<i>That the girl weve described</i>

56
00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:36,330
♪<i>Was just exactly</i>
<i>What the doctor prescribed?</i>

57
00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:37,383
♪<i>Now the father</i>
<i>Finds her beguiling</i>

58
00:02:37,416 --> 00:02:39,160
♪<i>Watch out C.C.!</i>

59
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:40,350
♪<i>And the kids</i>
<i>Are actually smiling</i>

60
00:02:40,383 --> 00:02:41,466
♪<i>Such joie de vivre!</i>

61
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,183
♪<i>She is the lady in red</i>

62
00:02:43,216 --> 00:02:46,160
♪<i>When everybody else</i>
<i>Is wearing tan</i>

63
00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:49,150
♪<i>The flashy girl</i>
<i>From Flushing</i>

64
00:02:49,183 --> 00:02:50,350
♪<i>The Nanny named Fran!</i>

65
00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:55,183
[music playing]

66
00:02:58,466 --> 00:03:02,233
Oh, I remember
when I went to school.

67
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:05,250
I used to walk past
the daisy field,

68
00:03:05,283 --> 00:03:08,333
carrying my little
metal lunch pail.

69
00:03:08,366 --> 00:03:10,333
Pa was chopping wood--

70
00:03:10,366 --> 00:03:13,160
Yetta, Yetta,
that's the opening sequence

71
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,433
to<i>Little House on The Prairie.</i>

72
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,000
Excuse me,
are you Professor Steve?

73
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,316
Hello.

74
00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:30,330
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself.

75
00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:34,483
A grown man taking advantage
of innocent, young women.

76
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,400
Do you do any private tutoring?

77
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,000
Yetta. Yetta.
Go wait for me downstairs.

78
00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:45,166
Just don't lie down anywhere
near Pre-Med.

79
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:49,400
Well, Professor Steve,

80
00:03:49,433 --> 00:03:53,233
I'm here because Mr. Sheffield
is very concerned

81
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,133
that you might be paying
just a little too much attention

82
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,160
to his daughter.

83
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,166
Oh, now, I give
all of my students
special attention.

84
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,183
-Some of them
just misinterpret it.
-Mm-hmm.

85
00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:05,366
Now, look at these notes
that I get. Here.

86
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,160
"Dear Steve, I love you.
Ashley."

87
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,116
"I get lost in your eyes.
Karen."

88
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,450
"You look sexy
when you don't shave.

89
00:04:11,483 --> 00:04:13,000
Phillip."

90
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:18,116
Third row.
Bette Midler sweatshirt.

91
00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:22,216
Well, the point is,
you're not interested in Maggie

92
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:24,100
and that's what
I came to find out.

93
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,283
Now I feel like I earned
my six bucks an hour.

94
00:04:26,316 --> 00:04:28,100
Oh, wow.

95
00:04:28,366 --> 00:04:30,300
What?

96
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,400
My horoscope said
I'd meet a beautiful brunette

97
00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:35,660
with big brown eyes
and an exotic accent.

98
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,166
Get out of here.

99
00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:41,283
-No, see, I'm really
into astrology.
-Oh.

100
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:45,383
-What's the date
and time of your birth?
-Oh, 5:00 p.m., November 26.

101
00:04:45,416 --> 00:04:47,660
Yeah, Ma had them induce labor

102
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,830
so she wouldn't miss
the Thanksgiving meal.

103
00:04:49,483 --> 00:04:52,333
-What year?
-1970.

104
00:04:53,450 --> 00:04:55,483
Hey, we are so compatible.

105
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,116
-Oh.
-You want to get
dinner sometime?

106
00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,233
Oh, that's very flattering,

107
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,150
but I'm actually seeing

108
00:05:02,183 --> 00:05:05,116
a therapist about
this very problem.

109
00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:08,000
So I'm not your type, huh?

110
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,500
That's so not it.

111
00:05:12,830 --> 00:05:16,330
I'm just late for my Doormats
Without Partners meeting.

112
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:17,383
-Well, how about Saturday?
-I'm sorry.

113
00:05:17,416 --> 00:05:19,183
-Oh, wait.
-It's just... What?

114
00:05:19,216 --> 00:05:21,330
That's my nephew's bar mitzvah.

115
00:05:23,830 --> 00:05:26,100
[music playing]

116
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:35,283
[man speaking in Spanish]

117
00:05:35,316 --> 00:05:36,350
[sobs]

118
00:05:36,383 --> 00:05:38,500
No, Papa.

119
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:39,400
[sobbing]

120
00:05:39,433 --> 00:05:41,300
[man speaking in Spanish]

121
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:44,183
Why the hell are you watching
a Spanish soap opera?

122
00:05:44,216 --> 00:05:47,166
Shh! Something big
just happened.

123
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,330
-What?
-I have no idea.

124
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,383
Oh, Niles, just when I think
you are so pathetic,

125
00:05:56,416 --> 00:05:59,316
you go and top yourself.

126
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:02,183
Well, I'm sorry, we can't all
learn Spanish the way you did

127
00:06:02,216 --> 00:06:05,233
chasing frightened tourists
down the streets of Pamplona.

128
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,200
[man speaking in Spanish
on television]

129
00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:16,416
Excuse me, sir. I have to sweep
Master Brighton's room.

130
00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:20,500
[imitates Spanish accent]
Oh, you mean the room
with the broken television?

131
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,150
I meant the living room.

132
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:31,000
Oh, Ms. Fine, how did it go
with Margaret's professor?

133
00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:34,150
-Oh, well,
better than I expected.
-Wait, wait, wait.

134
00:06:34,183 --> 00:06:35,316
I want to know what happened.

135
00:06:35,350 --> 00:06:37,283
Nothing. Nothing.

136
00:06:37,316 --> 00:06:39,483
He's not at all
interested in Maggie.

137
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,150
He's interested in me.

138
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:43,183
What? What do you mean
he's interested in you?

139
00:06:43,216 --> 00:06:46,000
Well, calm down, just calm down.

140
00:06:46,330 --> 00:06:47,316
You know,
he asked me out on a date.

141
00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:49,250
-I didn't say yes.
-Good.

142
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,100
I didn't say no either.

143
00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:54,830
What? What do you mean
you didn't say no?

144
00:06:54,116 --> 00:06:57,266
-Well, should I have?
-Well, of course.

145
00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:01,830
Why? Do I have any
prior engagements?

146
00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:02,316
Ms. Fine...

147
00:07:02,350 --> 00:07:05,266
Mr. Sheffield, I don't know
what I'm supposed to do anymore.

148
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,366
I mean,
a man asks me out and I say,

149
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,450
"I can't. I'm in a totally
monogamous relationship."

150
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:14,366
The only part I leave out
is that I'm in it by myself.

151
00:07:16,116 --> 00:07:18,330
Ms. Fine, what do you
want me to say?

152
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:20,383
Well, I would like you
to give me one good reason

153
00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:23,000
why I should not say yes
to this man.

154
00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:26,116
I should've thought
that was pretty obvious.
But you want me to go say it?

155
00:07:26,150 --> 00:07:27,483
-Please, would you?
-Fine, I'll say it.

156
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,116
I'll say it.
It could hurt Margaret.

157
00:07:32,316 --> 00:07:35,200
Oh, well, you know,
if this was a cartoon right now,

158
00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:38,183
you would be strapped
to the back of an Acme
moon rocket.

159
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:44,416
Maggie could care less
if I go out with Steve.

160
00:07:44,450 --> 00:07:46,660
What?

161
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,433
How could you do this to me,
Fran? I hate you.

162
00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:51,483
Oh, God.

163
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:56,383
Now this, right on the heels of
Brighton crashing the Mercedes.

164
00:07:56,416 --> 00:07:57,466
Oh, my God...

165
00:08:00,483 --> 00:08:03,400
We don't own a Mercedes,
Ms. Fine.

166
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:10,416
[knocking on door]

167
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,183
[Maxwell]
I know you're in there.

168
00:08:12,216 --> 00:08:14,133
Well, move over, Columbo.

169
00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:19,216
Oh, Maggie, I'm so sorry.

170
00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,416
I had no idea
by the way you were acting

171
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:23,466
that you had a crush on Steve.

172
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,483
Well, Fran,
what am I supposed to do?

173
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,150
Parade around in
some tight little sweater
and throw myself at him?

174
00:08:29,183 --> 00:08:30,300
That's so desperate.

175
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:36,266
You know, you kids have
no respect for the classics.

176
00:08:38,133 --> 00:08:40,400
Honey, you know,
if you don't want me
to go out with him,

177
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:44,500
just say so.
I respect your feelings.

178
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:46,660
Well, I don't want you
to go out with him.

179
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:49,133
Well, then I won't go out
with him.

180
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:51,160
I love you

181
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,166
and I'd never do anything
to hurt you.

182
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,660
I love you too, Fran.

183
00:08:56,100 --> 00:09:00,160
Then please let me
go out with him!

184
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:04,830
I'm going to grow old and die
waiting for your father!

185
00:09:05,183 --> 00:09:08,383
You're so young
and blond and rich.

186
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:12,283
You can have a zillion
good-looking<i>goyishe</i>

187
00:09:12,316 --> 00:09:15,183
How many gorgeous Jewish guys
are there still left

188
00:09:15,216 --> 00:09:17,350
that are single at my age?

189
00:09:17,383 --> 00:09:20,250
Oh, please, Maggie,
let me go out with him.

190
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:23,100
Please!

191
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:28,166
Fran, I guess you do
kind of have a point.

192
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,300
I mean, it is harder
to find a guy at your age

193
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,216
and I am young

194
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:36,830
and you are old.

195
00:09:39,316 --> 00:09:41,466
Oh, okay,
you can go out with him.

196
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,150
Oh, thank you for your mercy.

197
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:45,300
Thank you.

198
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,100
[knocking on door]

199
00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:49,350
[Maxwell] I'm waiting.

200
00:09:49,383 --> 00:09:51,450
How does it feel?

201
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:55,150
[music playing]

202
00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:07,150
I'm just going to forget
about Maxwell Sheffield
and have a good time.

203
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,333
Hi. Hi.

204
00:10:09,366 --> 00:10:11,660
-Oh, hello.
-There, Max.

205
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,200
-Hi.
-Max.

206
00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:13,316
-Easy now, Max.
-Oh, Max.

207
00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:14,316
Easy.

208
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:15,483
[laughs]

209
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,200
Hi. Good doggie.

210
00:10:17,233 --> 00:10:19,400
-Max takes a while
to warm up to you.
-Yeah.

211
00:10:20,466 --> 00:10:22,500
I know the breed.

212
00:10:24,466 --> 00:10:27,350
-Come on in.
Make yourself comfortable.
-Thank you. Thanks.

213
00:10:27,383 --> 00:10:30,250
-I'm going to just
check on dinner.
-Oh, okay, great. Thank you.

214
00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:35,216
[Fran]<i>Oh, this whole thing</i>
<i>feels so wrong.</i>

215
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,333
<i>I'm just going to</i>
<i>make an excuse.</i>

216
00:10:37,366 --> 00:10:39,266
<i>I got to get out of here.</i>

217
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,166
[Steve] I make a killer lasagna.

218
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,000
[Fran]
<i>Well, I don't want to be rude.</i>

219
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,133
So, Max...

220
00:10:58,133 --> 00:10:59,300
Well, this is freaky.

221
00:11:01,216 --> 00:11:02,466
Do you like red wine or white?

222
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,116
Blueberry.

223
00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:07,283
How did I know that?

224
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,116
-Here you go.
-Okay.

225
00:11:11,450 --> 00:11:13,433
So, Fran,

226
00:11:13,466 --> 00:11:16,250
before you got here,
I did your chart.

227
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:17,316
Oh.

228
00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:20,433
And your planets
are very well-aligned.

229
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:26,133
Well, actually, one moon is
a little lower than the other.

230
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:27,333
I take after my mother.

231
00:11:30,350 --> 00:11:32,283
There's that cute little giggle.

232
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,350
Well, don't give me
too much of this stuff

233
00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:36,133
or I'll be laughing all night.

234
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,160
[laughs] Oh.

235
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,233
So you need me to help you
or anything?

236
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,266
No. I'm doing all the work.

237
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,116
You just lie back
and don't do a thing.

238
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:48,366
Oh. Okay.

239
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:56,350
Okay, Max, you can go now.

240
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,450
There's not enough room
on this couch for three.

241
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,200
All right, let's go. Move it.

242
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,830
Max, would you marry me?

243
00:12:08,116 --> 00:12:09,350
[Max whimpering]

244
00:12:18,166 --> 00:12:20,830
Works every time.

245
00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:22,266
[music playing]

246
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,000
Niles.

247
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,333
Niles.

248
00:12:47,316 --> 00:12:49,350
Niles, are you awake?

249
00:12:49,383 --> 00:12:53,466
[Niles]<i>Yes, sir.</i>
<i>I'm just getting my papers</i>
<i>ready for my route.</i>

250
00:12:57,350 --> 00:12:58,466
Uh, sorry, old man.

251
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:03,216
Look, do we have any of that
microwave popcorn?

252
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:06,333
[Niles]<i>You see that box</i>
<i>right in front of you</i>
<i>on the counter</i>

253
00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:09,000
<i>marked "microwave popcorn"?</i>

254
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:13,233
Yep.

255
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:14,383
[Niles]<i>Try that.</i>

256
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:19,350
Alrighty.

257
00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:21,483
And you better not be
such a chatterbox.

258
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,400
You won't be able
to get back to sleep.

259
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,466
Niles?

260
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,250
-Niles?
-What?

261
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,433
Oh, you didn't have to come
all the way down here.

262
00:13:47,466 --> 00:13:50,216
-I could have done it myself.
-Oh, just give me that.

263
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:02,450
Something troubling you, sir?

264
00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:04,330
Oh, Ms. Fine.

265
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:06,660
I mean, I'm just fine.

266
00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:09,466
Whenever I can't sleep,

267
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,433
it's usually because
there's something on my mind

268
00:14:11,466 --> 00:14:13,433
that's gnawing at me.

269
00:14:13,466 --> 00:14:16,830
-That's making my guts twist.
-All right. All right.

270
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:17,183
I admit it.

271
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:20,200
I'm jealous. There, all right?

272
00:14:20,233 --> 00:14:24,200
It's driving me crazy,
her being out with
some other man.

273
00:14:24,233 --> 00:14:26,200
I can share
these feelings with you

274
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,166
because I'm not in love
with you.

275
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,416
Well, nobody looks good
at 2:00 in the morning.

276
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:37,450
[music playing]

277
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:45,400
[man on television]
<i>Por favor, Carmencita.</i>
<i>No, no, no!</i>

278
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:48,450
[tense music playing]

279
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:57,166
<i>No. Ay, Carmencita.</i>

280
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,216
[music playing on television]

281
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:04,160
Carmencita shoot Papa?

282
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:05,333
<i>Si.</i>

283
00:15:06,350 --> 00:15:07,450
<i>Es papa...</i>

284
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:09,466
<i>Muerte.</i>

285
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,330
Honestly. Do the two of you
have nothing better to do

286
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:20,500
than watch this drivel
in the middle of the afternoon?

287
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,333
[both speaking in Spanish]

288
00:15:26,466 --> 00:15:29,433
Well, you were out
rather late last night.

289
00:15:29,466 --> 00:15:30,466
I think.

290
00:15:33,116 --> 00:15:35,433
Well, I had such
a wonderful time with Steve.

291
00:15:35,466 --> 00:15:39,400
He made me a delicious dinner
and he rented a video.

292
00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:40,483
<i>The Commitments.</i>

293
00:15:42,466 --> 00:15:44,316
So are you planning on
seeing him again?

294
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:46,166
-[bell rings]
-Yep.

295
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,350
I'll get it.

296
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,160
Hi. I'm here to see Fran.

297
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:53,216
-You're Steve?
-Yeah.

298
00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:55,133
Oh, Dad.

299
00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:59,316
No, no, no.
She could still pick you.

300
00:16:03,283 --> 00:16:05,283
-Hi, Fran.
-Hi, Steve.

301
00:16:05,316 --> 00:16:08,483
This is Mr. Sheffield.
Mr. Sheffield, this is Steve.

302
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,830
You see, I call him Steve,
he calls me Fran.

303
00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:14,100
We know each other for two days.

304
00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:15,300
That's all I want to say.

305
00:16:18,216 --> 00:16:19,250
Steve.

306
00:16:19,283 --> 00:16:21,160
-Maxwell Sheffield.
-Hi.

307
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,830
-I understand
you teach philosophy.
-Mm-hmm.

308
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,183
-Study of objective thought.
-Yes.

309
00:16:25,216 --> 00:16:27,300
And yet I hear
you're into astrology.

310
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:29,216
The pastime of the tutti-frutti.

311
00:16:31,316 --> 00:16:33,133
That's all I want to say.

312
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,333
Ooh, the boy is right.
He is smoking!

313
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,433
Hello, Steve. C.C. Babcock.

314
00:16:43,466 --> 00:16:45,250
I understand you're a professor

315
00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:47,466
and you're going out
with Nanny Fine.

316
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,166
What's the matter,
research wouldn't give
you a chimp?

317
00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:57,366
If you didn't have toilet paper
on your shoe,

318
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,166
I'd be so upset with you
right now.

319
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,160
So tell me, Steve,
what do you want to do tonight?

320
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,000
Uh, Fran,

321
00:17:06,330 --> 00:17:08,000
I have to break up with you.

322
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:10,183
Oh, I was thinking of seeing
the<i>Titanic,</i>

323
00:17:10,216 --> 00:17:12,300
but apparently,
I'm already on it.

324
00:17:14,330 --> 00:17:17,000
Uh, the thing is
I saw my psychic today.

325
00:17:17,330 --> 00:17:20,166
And she said I should be
in a relationship with
a woman older than you.

326
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,330
That's ridiculous.

327
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:23,300
Who's older than me?

328
00:17:24,483 --> 00:17:27,166
Well, come on.
You were born in 1970.

329
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,450
I was? Oh, yeah, I was.

330
00:17:28,483 --> 00:17:30,316
Give or take a year or six.

331
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,183
Look, Fran,
I feel terrible about this,

332
00:17:34,216 --> 00:17:38,133
but my psychic sees me
with a woman in her mid-30s.

333
00:17:38,166 --> 00:17:41,160
Having kids, getting married,

334
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,216
living in a split-level house,
in Great Neck.

335
00:17:44,483 --> 00:17:47,160
What if I told you I was 34?

336
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,416
Oh, come on, Fran,
I'd never believe that.

337
00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:51,283
Oh, you're right.

338
00:17:51,316 --> 00:17:53,830
Who am I kidding?

339
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:56,133
[music playing]

340
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:01,250
Niles.

341
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,283
Niles.

342
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:10,333
Niles, are you asleep?

343
00:18:10,366 --> 00:18:14,450
[Niles]<i>No, I was just going out</i>
<i>to the barn to milk Bessie.</i>

344
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:21,500
Niles, remember last week
when I told you to hide

345
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,100
that Entenmann's Louisiana
Crunch Cake

346
00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:26,000
-because Ma was coming over?
-Oh, just sit down.

347
00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:37,330
What's wrong?

348
00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:38,450
Well, what kind of an idiot

349
00:18:38,483 --> 00:18:41,116
breaks up
such a positive relationship

350
00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:44,000
just because some dumb-dumb
psychic said that

351
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:46,316
he should date an older woman?

352
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:49,350
Well, you call
the Psychic Friends Network.

353
00:18:49,383 --> 00:18:52,183
That is Dionne Warwick.
That's an entirely
different thing.

354
00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:55,500
God knows what kind of a quack
he's talking to.

355
00:18:56,450 --> 00:19:00,433
Why don't you just tell him
how old you really are?

356
00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:04,350
Why don't you just take a dip in
the Dead Sea with a hemorrhoid?

357
00:19:09,166 --> 00:19:11,350
He wants an older woman.

358
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:13,483
Well, he should like me
for who I am.

359
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,830
Yes, but that's not who you are.

360
00:19:16,116 --> 00:19:19,283
Mr. Sheffield accepts
that I was born in 1970.

361
00:19:19,316 --> 00:19:22,000
Yes, but he knows you're lying.

362
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,116
Well, that's my point exactly.

363
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,350
He accepts me
for the woman I'm really not.

364
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:34,466
Oh, why am I dating
these nut jobs anyway?

365
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,166
Mr. Sheffield and I
belong together.

366
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:40,366
Well, why are you telling me?
Go upstairs and tell him.

367
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,233
Niles, I'm going to wake him up
at two o'clock in the morning?

368
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,300
That is so inconsiderate.

369
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:48,333
I wouldn't do it.

370
00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:51,660
[music playing]

371
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,300
[bell rings]

372
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:55,330
Fran, the guy who dumped you
is back again.

373
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:57,366
[shushing]

374
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,283
What the hell is he doing here?

375
00:19:59,316 --> 00:20:02,000
Well, I don't want to see him.
How's my lipstick?

376
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,500
All right, let him in.

377
00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:10,116
-Hi, Fran. These are for you.
-Oh.

378
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:13,830
Look who's here.

379
00:20:13,116 --> 00:20:16,433
Well, did the psychic tell you
you'd come crawling back

380
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,133
carrying Godivas?

381
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:20,416
Because I could have saved
you that 50 bucks.

382
00:20:22,116 --> 00:20:24,216
Actually, I just thought
you might like them.

383
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,400
Um, Phillip left them
on my desk.

384
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:32,200
And, Fran, my psychic was right.

385
00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:35,433
I've met an older woman
who I really like.

386
00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:39,366
Well, who cares?
I wouldn't date you
if you whistled 'Dixie.'

387
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,416
[whistling 'Dixie']

388
00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:46,250
Don't wait up.

389
00:20:46,283 --> 00:20:49,300
[continues whistling]

390
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:04,660
Ms. Fine?

391
00:21:08,316 --> 00:21:10,330
Yes, Mr. Sheffield?

392
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,283
-Did I hear Steve?
-Uh, yes, you did.

393
00:21:12,316 --> 00:21:15,830
You know, he was here,
but I sent him away.

394
00:21:15,116 --> 00:21:18,250
Because I knew that
you were so jealous
that I was dating him

395
00:21:18,283 --> 00:21:20,300
and I didn't want fist-fighting
to break out...

396
00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:21,466
Niles told me everything.

397
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,400
Oh, I'm such a loser.

398
00:21:26,183 --> 00:21:29,400
Now I'm lying about two
relationships I don't have.

399
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,116
Come on, Ms. Fine.

400
00:21:33,150 --> 00:21:35,466
I tell you what,
I'll buy you a drink.

401
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,300
Oh, don't forget
to bring your ID,

402
00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,830
just in case
they want to card you.

403
00:21:39,116 --> 00:21:43,500
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

404
00:21:43,830 --> 00:21:44,283
Ms. Fine.

405
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,266
I love you.

406
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:50,160
-Yeah, we love you too, Niles.
-We love you too, Niles.

407
00:21:59,116 --> 00:22:00,333
Good boy.

408
00:22:00,366 --> 00:22:03,150
-Okay, Max, speak, speak.
-[Max barks]

409
00:22:03,183 --> 00:22:05,500
Good boy.

410
00:22:05,830 --> 00:22:07,150
Down, Max. Down, Max.

411
00:22:07,183 --> 00:22:08,316
Good boy.

412
00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:09,350
Kiss me, Max.

413
00:22:12,483 --> 00:22:15,100
Oh, if only life were this easy.

414
00:22:21,330 --> 00:22:24,500
[theme music playing]

415
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,330
[theme music ends]