I can't believe it.
In just 24 hours from now,
I'll be holding Mrs. Sheffield in my arms.
Are you as happy as I am?
This is the happiest day of my life.
-Congratulations, sir. -Thank you, Niles.
Hey, what about me?
I'm the woman who's making you the happiest man in the world.
Ms. Fine, congratulations.
So, what's with the suitcase? Oh, wait a minute, I know.
If we elope now, the sooner we get to our wedding night.
Excuse me?
You made me wait five years
and now, all of a sudden, because you're in the mood,
you think that I'm gonna come to you just like that?
Come to mama.
So what, you're so excited
you packed for our honeymoon already?
Oh, sweetie.
I'm a Jewish woman going on a 2-month cruise.
Do you really think this is all the clothes I'm going to need?
-Yes. -Oh?
Oh, honey.
Oh, I wish I could stay, but I gotta go to Ma's.
-What? -Yeah.
You know it's bad luck for the groom
to see the bride 24 hours before the ceremony.
But sweetheart, we have the house all to ourselves.
Oh, I know, but no...
No, sweetie...
Oh, God!
[timer beeping]
-Oh, there's the 24 hours! -What?
Yep. That was a warning. We only have two minutes left.
-[Maxwell sighs] -Oh!
I can do it in two minutes.
You can?
-Well, darling, it has been five years. -Oh! [chuckles]
Let's go. You gotta get out now.
Ma, we still have two minutes left.
Trust me, there's only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes.
Colonel Sanders.
My bag! My bag!
♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪
♪ In one of those Crushing scenes ♪
♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪
♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪
♪ She was there to sell make-up But the father saw more ♪
♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there ♪
♪ That's how she became ♪
♪ The Nanny ♪
♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪
♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪
♪ Now, the father Finds her beguiling ♪
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪
♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪
♪ The Nanny named Fran! ♪
[Val] Oh, Fran, it's never gonna be like this again.
Just the two of us, lying here together.
God willing, Val.
To think, you were almost gonna be the last girl in our class to get married.
Oy! Wouldn't that have been pathetic?
Val.
I know. I just figured it out.
Darling, it's time for the mother-daughter prenuptial talk.
Valerie, would you go into the kitchen
and heat me up a nice big piece of apple pie?
Oh, I get it. You want some privacy.
No, I want pie.
Darling, I knew I would be too emotional on your wedding day,
so I wrote you a letter.
When did you have time to write it?
On the day you were born.
[chuckles]
"My darling daughter,
after 23 hours of agonizing labor..."
PS. I'm never letting your father touch me again.
"You're finally here.
Darling, this is the happiest day of my life.
Until today, your wedding day.
And now here you are, 21 years old.
Kennedy was president. We were all optimistic.
Ma.
You know I don't want you to think
just because I'm getting married,
that this is going to change anything between us.
I may be living with Maxwell,
but you'll always live in your own home.
[laughs]
Love you.
Good night, sweetheart.
Good night, Ma.
[indistinct music playing]
[music stops]
Sir.
With tomorrow being your wedding day,
I thought a brandy might be in order.
Ah, thank you, old man.
-Oh, you want one? -[scoffs]
Oh, Niles, I just hope I can live up to Fran's expectations.
You know, I haven't been with a woman in quite some time.
Well, double quite some time,
add two, and welcome to my world, pal.
It's just that she's so experienced.
I mean, she's been with an Italian guy, Niles.
Oh, sir, that was five years ago.
Believe me, the woman is so ready,
even an Englishman will please her.
Oh, my God. The shoes don't fit! My shoes don't fit!
They gave me the wrong shoes! They gave me the wrong shoes!
Those are my shoes. They're my shoes.
Oh! [chuckles] Relax, relax.
-These are her shoes. -[Val laughs]
There's my shoes.
[all chuckle]
-Fran? -Yeah?
Do you want me to get you a cup of coffee?
Honey, do I seem like I need a buzz?
-Fran? Sweetie? -Yeah? Baby.
-Uh, you know, as your bridesmaid... -Yeah.
-...I got you something old... -Oh, good.
...something new, something borrowed.
-That's mine, Val. -Borrowed.
[both chuckle]
The only thing that I forgot...
-Yeah? -...was something blue.
Val, if I don't have something blue,
I can't get married!
Fran, Fran, Fran, you're gonna choke her!
Well, at least I'll have something blue, won't I?
-[knocking on door] -Shh!
Now class it up.
That could be somebody from his side of the family.
Entree.
Can Maxwell's baby sister have a word with the bride?
Of course.
Hello, darlings. Can we have some privacy?
Oh, here, girls, why don't you go tie this onto the limo?
We need to have a little privacy.
I just wanted to give you a warm welcome to the Sheffield family.
-Oh! -Welcome.
I feel the love. I do. I do.
And don't let it bother you that Mummy isn't coming today.
-Mummy isn't coming today? -Oh, didn't you know?
Oh, don't fret, darling.
I remember how much Mummy hated Lester when I married him.
She hates me?
Oh, darling, Mummy only despised Lester
because he's my chauffeur.
She despises me?
Oh, Jocelyn's saying too much.
Look, darling, the point is Mummy adores Lester now.
-Oh, good. -Of course, that could be because we're divorcing.
What, you and Lester?
Turns out Mummy was right. Classes can't mix.
Sure they can. Sure they can.
You loved Lester.
You loved that he was so different from you.
He was earthy and real.
And from what I heard,
he was a wild animal in the bedroom.
Oh, yes.
Eventually, darling, not having anything in common becomes a real bore.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the love-making.
Just not with Lester.
[laughs]
Look, darling, don't worry.
It's completely different with you and Max.
-It is? -I mean, Lester had no breeding.
His family was utterly classless.
Oy, where's the can?
I took a diarrhetic instead of a Tylenol.
-[sighs] -C.C.?
I'm so sorry, I'm late.
Can you imagine me, the bride, being late for my own wedding?
-I'm kidding. -Oh. [sighs]
[Maxwell chuckles nervously]
Maxwell, if there's one thing the place taught me
it's that it's Nanny Fine that you love.
I'm very happy for the both of you.
Well, thank you very much, C.C.
[piano playing a note]
Friends, family...
would you excuse me for just one moment?
[yelling] I'll kill her!
How could you leave me standing at that darn altar?
The minute this diarrhetic wears off,
you're gonna get such hell.
-Oh, hello, darling. -Hi.
Listen, I don't know if you've checked your day planner recently.
But, um, if you look under today's date, it says get married!
Don't yell at me.
Can't you see I'm falling apart?
The wedding is over.
God, you look incredible.
Sweetheart, what do you mean the wedding is over?
Oh, Jocelyn and Lester are getting a divorce.
What has that to do with us?
Their marriage didn't work because they're from two different worlds just like us.
I mean, you're the sophisticated, classy Jocelyn
and I'm Lester.
[crying]
The poor schlub who works for you.
Oh, come on, darling. You never really work.
You know, it is so wrong to make a joke now.
Oh, sweetheart, I love you.
Sure now.
I mean, now you find our differences charming.
But sooner or later, you're going to get bored with me.
And even though you won't admit it,
I know that you're going to be bugged by the fact
that your mother hates me.
What? Who said my mother hates you?
Your mean old sister.
Oh, come here.
Oh, Fran, my darling,
how can I make you understand how much I adore you?
[sobs] Well, a few examples would be good.
All right. Let's start with your sense of humor.
I love your vivacity,
your guilelessness, your irreverence.
Could you use words I understand?
I love your pizazz, your fire, your passion.
I love the way you get excited
over a good piece of coffee cake.
Or even a bad one.
Oh, and I love that smile.
Do you really need more?
-Would you mind? -[chuckling]
You see how you make me laugh?
Oh, Fran, I love the way you love
with all your heart and all your soul.
The way you love the children.
How they worship you.
You know,
you blew into our lives five years ago
like a whirlwind.
Made us all feel alive again.
For that alone, I'll love you forever.
-You don't think I'm pretty? -[chuckles]
["Bridal Chorus" playing on the piano]
Seven and a half carats.
-[shutter clicks] -[guests laugh]
We would like to begin the service
with a traditional Jewish prayer.
[singing in Hebrew]
Maxwell, do you promise to love and cherish Francine,
in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?
I do.
-Francine, do you... -I do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Do you promise to love and cherish Maxwell,
in sickness and in health,
-as long as you both shall live? -I do.
If anyone here can give good cause
as to why these two should not be married,
let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
By the power vested in us...
[both] ...we now pronounce you husband and wife.
-[glass shatters] -Kiss your bride!
[cheering, applause]
[folk music playing]
[cheering, applause]
I don't want to say anything...
but could this chicken be drier?
I'll take the dry chicken over the fishy salmon.
How is everything?
-Oh, delicious. -Delicious!
I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a little turned on.
Hey, after the wedding,
would you and the countess like to join me and Morty
at the diner for a little French toast?
-But we just ate. -Not French toast.
-He's a god! -He's a man!
Guys, this is hardly the place for a religious debate.
We're talking about Sinatra.
Ms. Babcock.
Oh, thank you, Niles, but you know I'm not supposed to...
do that.
How many times have you not done that tonight?
About eight.
Oh, Niles, now that Maxwell's taken,
my life is over.
Oh, Ms. Babcock, you always underestimate yourself.
You have a lot to offer a man.
You're witty, you're sophisticated,
you're beautiful, you're sexy.
How many times have you done that tonight?
About twelve.
-Dance with me. -Okay, butler boy.
-Mr. And Mrs. Sheffield. -Hi.
Everything is parfait.
Both families are getting along swimmingly.
Oh, listen, who's got the energy to fight?
I mean, his side is too drunk. My side's too full.
-Oh! -[both laugh]
[Stanley] That's it. I'm leaving!
Oh, here we go.
What's the matter?
-Fran, I'm leaving. -Why?
I'm tired of these people insulting me.
Oh, Uncle Stanley, please, they don't mean any harm by it.
They're just from another culture.
I'm talking about our side!
Stanley, you sit down.
We paid for your damn vegetarian dinner, now, you eat it!
Oh, darling, what do you say we just get out of here?
Oh, we can't leave yet.
They haven't thrown the bouquet.
Darling, you... you do that. You're the bride. Remember?
[laughing]
And there's your silver lining.
I can't believe I'm kissing a married man.
How would you like to join one in the bedroom?
[Fran exclaims] Oh...
That would be so wrong.
Oh, my God, Fran.
You look exquisite in this moonlight.
Well, after 29, a girl's best light is candle and/or moon.
I love you, my darling.
I love you.
Don't move. Don't move an inch.
I want to remember you just like this. Let me get a camera.
Okay. Don't forget to put the redeye on.
-[shrieks] -[water splashes]
Fran...
Fran?
Darling?
Fran!
Ms. Fine!
[Fran straining] It's Mrs. Sheffield.
Hang on, darling, I'm coming!
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]